Damned (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript

You're so annoying.

Hurry up, bell's gone.

- Blimey, lunch at nine? That
even beats my record. - Hungry.

- Ten past nine. You're late,
Rose. Got an excuse? - No.

Crikey, have you finally
cracked and topped Limahl?

No, no, I haven't. Just please ignore me.

No, really, Ingrid, what's in there?

Mind your own fucking business!

Ooh!

Oh, right. Well, you leave me
with no alternative other than

to break out the never before
deployed howling face red sticker.



Late with insubordination.

Oh, Ingrid!

Ah, Adrian. Now, L is for
lamentable, A is for for abominable,

T is for a terrible and E is
for early which you are not.

Please, don't make me spell it out again.

- Oh, God. - What's that?
Abusive text from Denise's ex?

No, it's not Crazy Hazel from Bulky Waste.

No, I told Lee about Dennis last night

and I completely misjudged his reaction.

Don't tell me, it was like that actress

sob-snotting in Truly, Madly, Deeply.

- Well, I didn't think he'd give a shit.
- Rose, Rose, Rose,

you know so little of the male psyche.

Oh, enlighten me, great
testosterone telepath!



Well, Lee might be thinking you're
going to make a go of it with him

and even if he didn't want you
he can't bear to think of you

in the arms of another.

Oh, well, big wobbly bollocks
to him. He can piss off.

Nat, you know I said I was
doing something for you?

- Oh, not buying sweets, then?
- You shouldn't be eating sweets.

Indeed, sugar generally
is really bad for you

and there are things you need to
be doing to prevent your child

from becoming severely disabled
or, potentially, a vegetable.

- Like a potato?
- No, that, to some extent, is why I have

compiled your health and wellbeing
dossier with lots of advice.

Gut flora and pregnancy.

"Moz... art" and your "foitis"?

Anyway, take your time to absorb it,

like mercury through
the umbilical cord, ha!

And then we'll have an
informal quiz later on today.

I'm just doing it for the baby,
Nat, because someone's got to.

- Are you feeling broody?
- Oh, God, no. There are...

I've got lots of lovely ladies
to please before I find the one.

But, anyway, back to your diet.

I see the father hasn't
stopped you guzzling sugar

- or taking no exercise.
- He really cares about me.

- Yesterday...
- Oh, there's my phone.

Hello, Elm Heath Children's Services.

Who's this?

(It's Al. Shall we have that
chat with Professor Plum)

in the conservatory today?

- What? - It's code, you fuckwit.
We talked about it yesterday.

Oh!

Yes.

Yes, the eagle has landed, or will land.

November India Tango India November?

- What?
- Well, it's code, you fuckwit!

- It's Matthew Wenden here from
Our Lady... - Oh, Mr Wenden!

- How can I help you? - Just get
down here as soon as you can, please.

Right, I will be there immediately.

Knobhead.

Nat! Put the doughnut in the bin.

Put it in the bin! Come on,
it's for your own good.

Oh, forget it.

Elm Heath Children's
Services, can I help you?

Anybody there?

Hello?

I'm wondering, is it illegal
to fake your own death

to get away from your kids?

You two! Fucking shut
up, I'm on the phone!

Just had a call about some Mormon family

who were home-educating their
kids a couple of years ago

that we were meant to
be keeping an eye on?

Oh, yeah, I remember them.

A relative thinks the parents
aren't really doing the job,

but no-one's noticed.

I might pop round there and check.

- Text from your boyfriend?
- No, it's a picture of your cock!

Actual size on that phone, I imagine.

- How is Dennis the Menace?
- It's so nice spending time with someone

not wanting to rip off their scrotum
and create a collage with it.

- Serious?
- Ugh, I don't know.

I try not to think about it.

So, how's the job hunt going?

I wasn't going to tell you, but...

- .. I've had a job offer.
- What?

Managing holiday cottages
on a remote Scottish island.

- No!
- Well, I need a new challenge.

Or just at least a happy work life

because this is really getting to me.

Well, you could get
married and start a family

before your sperm get Alzheimer's
and don't know which way to go.

I'm handing in my notice today.

River Barrett? It doesn't ring a bell.

- She's how old?
- 14.

- And she gave birth in the
loo. - Yes. - Poor kid.

Didn't even know she was
pregnant, apparently.

- Well, how's that possible?
- You tell me.

I ca.. I can't. Why would I be able
to tell you? I... I don't have...

It was rhetorical.

- OK, how's she doing?
- Well, they're keeping her in

for a couple of nights
just to check all's well.

Good. Good, that gives us
a chance to make a plan.

- Yeah. - So we need to find out if the
parents are helping her and, if not,

then we need to explore sending her
to a supported mother and baby unit

or perhaps finding specialist
foster parents for her.

Have you managed to get in touch
with any of the parents, relatives?

Not yet, no. I wondered perhaps
if you might like to contact them.

What's the mother's name? Barrett, is it?

No, she's been married
a few times since then.

It's now...

- Shaz Middleton.
- Shaz Middleton? - Yeah.

Oh, my fucking God.

Sorry.

She's a legendary nightmare.

Not sure I've ever met her.

She's not the type to
come to parents' evening.

Hopefully, because she's in jail.

Rose is going to have a bloody fit.

Shaz Middleton was the
bane of her life for years.

When she went down for GBH,
Rose broke open the bubbly.

Chaps!

What's this, a union meeting? Ha!

- Can we have a little chat?
- Oh, that's a bit serious.

Well, spit it out.

You and me meet at your flat.

Everyone thinks it's perverted and creepy.

Well, you certainly did spit that out.

People are talking.

Yes, I know.

Probably time I had a word.

- Doughnut?
- What?

Would either of you like a
doughnut? I've brought some in.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Hi. Hannah, isn't it?

- Yeah. - I'm Rose Denby,
from Social Services.

I'm sorry, I realise that no-one's
been to see you for a long time.

That's all right. We've been fine.

Is it all right if I just come
in and say hello to the children?

Yeah.

Jesus wept.

John, chapter 11, verse 35.

What do you mean?

"Jesus wept" is the shortest
verse in the New Testament.

- What are you both doing?
- We are doing Bible study.

How often do you do that?

Once a day.

- For how long?
- For all day.

- You don't go to the park? - No. - No.

- Sport?
- No.

- Blimey. - That means
"blind me" and is a profanity.

Christ.

Sorry. Can we have a word?

Arms up, breathe in.

Arms down, breathe out.

Aw, that's complicated.

Arm up, breathe out.
arm down, breathe out.

- Oh, thank God. - Oh! - Thank you, God.

No, it's fine, Ingrid. Just keep
trying, Nat, you're doing slightly

better than you did at the
beginning of the session.

Everything all right, Ingrid?

Wow, Ingrid, that really
is a massive trolley.

- Promise you won't tell anybody?
- What, that your trolley's massive?

- No, look.
- So what? Boring old files.

It's the missing files.

Ha-ha, very funny.

- Look.
- What happened?

Well, when we moved office I was
supposed to help digitalise them,

but I got a bit muddled and so
I brought a load of them home

to sort out but then my
anxiety got really bad and...

So I just shoved them up in the
attic and forgot about them.

So how come you remembered them?

Well, Limahl sometimes
goes up to the attic to...

Oh, I use the airing cupboard.

To masturbate?

No, to have a little
cry when I'm emotional.

Oh, well, I went up there
to clear up his mess

and I noticed all the boxes of files.

Have you told Denise?

Now, I know how much you wanted
to be the one that found them

- so I wondered if you wanted
to tell her? - Really? Cool!

I'll have to think of a
believable place I've found them.

Maybe your attic?

No.

Of course. Um.

My attic? No, I haven't got one.

Never mind, I'll think of something.

Right, we've got a lot to get
through today. Let's push on.

Rose, what have you got?

- Uh, Denise, could I say something?
- You already did. Rose?

Well, I visited a family
today, a Mormon family.

The children are being home-schooled.

The house was spotless, the children
were clean and well-dressed, but...

Moving on.

But I felt there was something
a bit weird and sterile,

a sense of foreboding.

Rose, just make a bloody decision.

School Attendance Order
if you like or leave them

to baste in fevered fundamentalism.
Whatever. Just sort it.

You wouldn't say that
about a Muslim family.

OK. Can we just move on to me?

I got a call from Mr Wenden this morning

who's the head teacher at Our Lady Academy

to tell me that an incident
had occurred, so...

Oh, for Christ's sake, Nitin,

this isn't a performance
of social workers' Hansard.

In a nutshell, please.

A 14-year-old girl had a baby
in a toilet at the school.

The girl's River Barrett. She's
the daughter of Shaz Middleton.

She's not out, is she?
That's all I bloody need.

- Denise?
- Shut up, Nat. She's out?

Well, I think if she's out
that's something to be celebrated.

Denise is referring to
her being out of prison.

She went there on the evidence
of our very own Rose Denby.

Interesting fact, 60% of prison
inmates do tend to reoffend.

Well, OK, thanks.

Especially the ones called Shaz.

You'll need a stab vest.

- A stab vest?
- You should wear a stab vest.

Denise?

I found the missing files!

Oh, well done!

Oh, God, I thought you
were having another baby.

They can't get another
one in now, can they?

Once you've got one,
that's your womb occupied.

- Yeah, I know that.
- Where did you find them?

- In the haunted toilet.
- Good grief.

- Elaborate, please. - Yeah, well,
you know the toilet that's been locked

since we got here? Al told me
it was because it was haunted.

Look, leave it and I'll sort them.

I've moved them all into the stock
cupboard on Ingrid's massive trolley

- because of the ghost.
- There is no ghost!

I'll have a good look
through them, Denise,

see if I can find the
relevant files to clear up

the Elm Heath Strollers
football coach allegation.

Did you not hear what I said?
Leave them alone. I will sort them.

Shit, sorry!

I should have sacked her
when I had the chance.

Now I'm saddled with her
fucking maternity package.

Too harsh?

- No. - No. - Mimi, could you
take over the notes, please?

I think you'll find I don't
tend to do secretarial work.

Well, could you tend to do
it just for today, please?

- So, Alistair. - I've just had a call
from Mr Lady at Our Wenden Academy.

Reverse.

No, no, no. Reverse the names.

Mr Wenden at Our Lady Academy. What
did he say that was so important?

Er, he said that River Barrett
has run away from hospital

- and taken the baby with her.
- Shit!

There you are, I've been...

You all right?

Um, the file?

- What are you...
- Martin, Martin, don't!

Oh, my giddy aunt!

"Darren Galloway is a known fantasist,
according to several other boys,

"therefore it's hard not to conclude
that said abuse is a figment of his

"imagination. In short, I find him
to be unreliable and in no way a

"credible witness. Yours
sincerely, Denise Donnelly."

I need that bloody thing to
disappear. I want it to disappear.

No, no, no.

I mean, what are you doing? You
can't destroy public records!

- That would be...
- I know, Martin! I know what it would be.

But, please, I'm begging you,

don't say anything until
I've had a chance to think.

Hiya, I've come to see Shaz.
It's about her daughter, River?

And you are?

Yeah, I'm Al Kavanagh,
from Social Services.

All right, mate.

Come in.

- Social services.
- What?

- All right, Shaz? - Yeah, if it isn't
Mr Curly Cocksucker from the SS.

So, how's Rose doing?

Rose is fine, so... let's try
and keep it that way, shall we?

Try to be nice, Shaz.
Remember what I said.

Sorry, love. What can I do for you?

- I'm looking for River.
- Well, River ain't here, so ta-ra.

Shaz, this is important.

She's just given birth. She needs
attention. She's left hospital way

too soon for the staff
to be sure she's OK.

Shaz, you would tell me wouldn't
you, if you knew where River was?

Yes, of course.

All right? Now, off you go.

- What's that?
- That's nothing.

It's a dog. It's got an infection.

Now, do one.

That's a person. That is a person in pain.

- Oi! Oi!
- Go after him!

Let's just hope she don't declare us, eh?

River?

- Oh, my God.
- I'm going to die, aren't I?

You're not going to die. I'm going
to... I'm calling the ambulance now.

- I don't want to give my
baby to that prick! - What?

Listen, someone's going to come,
OK? Someone's going to come.

- Yeah, Ambulance, please.
- This is all your fault, you know that?

- Oh, shut up, woman! - Oh, fuck
off! - I'm calling an Ambulance.

- You ain't taking her!
- For fuck's sake!

You want to be responsible for
killing your own fucking daughter?

Is that what you want?

Al's on his way back.
He's found River Barrett.

Oh. Hmm. Thank goodness for small mercies.

- You want a hand?
- No, thanks.

But now that you're here, there is
something that we ought to sort out.

Um... You've been staying at mine,

rent-free, for a while now, bless you.

Um, thing is, I can't afford it forever.

Plus, believe it or not,
people are starting to talk.

- The patriarchy always get...
- Mimi, Mimi, please.

Just for once, stop hiding
behind all that stuff.

Sorry! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I've been very stressed
with all the extra responsibility.

Look, my mum thinks I've
got a proper paid job.

All right, I told her
I did, to impress her.

And then she asked me to move out
so that she could rent the room,

cos she's broke. And now I feel like a shit
feminist because apparently I need a man

- to look after me! - OK, well, look,
now, I'm sorry I broached the subject.

Stay as long as you like. And don't worry,

I've, uh, I've got some premium bonds.

I don't know what those
are, but thank you.

And you know what, Mimi?

You could help your case around here
by being just a little less earnest.

Why don't you try to
just... lighten up a bit?

That sort of thing, yes.

'Hi, Denise. Jenny thingy for
you. Your boss, I think.'

Yes, thank you, Natalie,
I know who she is.

Hello, Jenny.

Thank you. I was literally
just about call you.

Some old files have turned up that
cover that period of historic abuse

at the football club, and it
appears I may have dealt with a...

- 'Yes, Denise, yes, we are aware
of these and of your...' - Oh.

- 'There will be an immediate enquiry.'
- May I ask who told you?

'No.'

That's all right.

I can imagine.

Apparently you can get 20
grand now for a new baby.

And Shaz knows some local
gangster whose wife can't conceive,

so he puts the word out
that he wants to buy a baby.

So they roped this kid River in,

and they give her five grand and an

underage sex session with Mr Gangster.

- Oh, God. - And after the birth, the
placenta wasn't completely ejected,

and she very quickly
became dangerously ill.

- That's what Mary Wollstonecraft died from.
- Mary Woolycraft?

Yeah, very similar, except
that was in the 18th century.

Yeah, everyone knows Mary
Woolycraft died in 18th century.

- Anyway, would anyone like to go to
the pub? - Yeah, I'm in. - No, thanks.

You'll have to play gooseberry.
I've got a date with Dennis.

- That little creeping shit!
- Any news?

- Bastard!
- What happened?

Like you don't know.
It was you, wasn't it?

- What? - Traitor! After
all I've done for you.

I stood by you when you
were off your fucking rocker!

Denise! I have not said a word to anyone.

I swear. You've got to believe me!

Are you all right?

Well, obviously not! Anyone else
care to contribute some meaningless

drivel to this discussion? Except Nitin!

'Mr Galloway, how do you feel, now
that you know that Elm Heath Social
Services shut down your case?'

It'd a victory, innit?

Shit, Denise, you've been suspended?

- 'I'm not a liar.'
- Is suspended the same as sacked?

'I told people what happened
then, nobody listened...'

I would like to just say, none of
you know what it was like back then!

We were hated. We were seen as amateurs.

We were drowning in work!

Do you honestly think
anything has changed?

The cuts are driving us to breaking point!

I feel like I'm going round
a World War I battlefield

with some Calpol and a wet wipe.

Fucking Hazel! It was her!

Alistair? I'm going on a break!

You and Martin can take
over in the interim.

- Good luck!
- Denise, I'm handing in my notice...

Good luck! Come on,
everybody, start celebrating!

Hurrah!

Oh, this fucking, shitting door!

It's all right, Denise,
I changed the code there.

You OK, Mart? You could
do with a drink, eh?

You know what, I'm feeling a
bit too choked. You all go.

If we go home and watch a film together?

Yes, a lovely idea, Mimi.

"Netflix and chill."

Martin, "Netflix and chill" means
to watch half a film and then have

- rampant sex.
- What? No, it doesn't. What? Well, I,

I mean, you know, just watching
together, the film, or something.

Popcorn between us. Just the usual.
We'll be all right. Catch you...

She's on her fourth brandy and Babycham.

Hazel's really dumped her in it.

- Oh, cheer up. - I bought a
windcheater and some special gloves.

Yeah, but you don't belong
up there, you belong here.

- Christ, I'll be the boss now.
- Eewww, yeah.

- Another one?
- Yeah.

- Cheer up, Denise.
- Fuck off, Alistair.

All right? Hey.

- Hello, Rose.
- Oh, hi.

Come on, she's not that bad!

What happened?

- Suspended.
- Oh, Christ!

- I'll go chat to her in a sec.
- Oh, Rose!

- God. - We're all waiting at home,
I've cooked your favourite dinner.

- Why?
- It's our anniversary.

- No, it isn't.
- Of when we first met.

- Pint, please.
- Tosser.

Look, I'm going to shoot.

- Oh, no.
- My first marriage broke up,

I don't want to be the guy that
does that to another family.

Please stay. I've no idea
why Lee is doing this.

Right. Now, Rose...

I want this to work.

For the sake of the kids!

Oh.

Mum, please.

- Dad's wonderful. - Right, come
on, the, let's all go and sit over

there and we'll get you
drinks in a moment.

That's it. Right. Who wants what, then?

- I want a fizzy orange and
a packet of nuts. - Lee! Lee!

What do you think you're doing?

It's inappropriate for them to be in
the pub. Take them back to the car.

- All right. Sorry.
- Dad, you said we were having a drink.

Yes, but Mum says no.

Come on, I'll catch you up. I'm
coming, I'm coming right now.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Look, Rose, neither of
us is ready for this.

I'm sorry. It's been really great.

- I'll see you around.
- Dennis...?

Come on, stinker, let's get you home.

- Oh, God.
- Put that down, down, down.

- Hi, Denise. - Fuck off. - Bye, Denise.

- There you are.
- My bloke can't come to the birth,

- his wife says they've got to
go to Center Parcs. - Shocker.

So my new birthing partner is...

Nitin.

- What? - Fuck a duck. This
day gets better and better.

- Cheers. Oh! - Oh! - Oh, Nat!

Did you just eat a tin of custard?

Oof, that's better.