Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 8, Episode 7 - The Bi-Sexual - full transcript

Larry and Rosie O'Donnell try to court the same woman. Larry takes Leon's advice, which gives him an advantage, but he finds it doesn't always work in the long run.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
( Theme music playing )

I can't even believe
I'm getting this number.

It didn't even
take me that long.

- We're easy in New York
- Jesus. This is unbelievable.

- We'll go out to dinner.
- Cool.

- I like to eat.
- And you know what?

You don't have to worry
about choking because

- I'm great at the heimlich.
- Oh, well, God, I mean

if I wasn't gonna give you my
number before, that just did.

- That's an impressive skill. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Are you leaving right now?
Because I don't think we should

run into each other again.

- Yeah, that would be so awkward.
- That would be awkward.

- So, I'm not leaving just yet,
- So, I'm gonna...

It'd be great if you could
get out of here.

- We have to save something for dinner...
- There you go.

Because if we have
too good a time here--

- I suggest get out.
- I kind of like that, actually.

- ( Laughs ) Bye.
- I'm gonna call you.

Hey hey, look who it is.

- Hey! Rosie!
- Larry David.

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- You look fantastic.
- You know what? So do you.

- You like the art?
- To tell you the truth...

- What?
- ...Forget about the art.


I met the most
fantastic woman tonight.

I-- I'm--
I can't even believe it.

- Are you kidding me?
- Swear to God.

- So did I.
- You're kidding.

I felt it right away.
You know how you can feel it?

Yes. I mean, who knows what's gonna happen?
But it's a great start.

Oh no, I think something's gonna happen.
You know how lesbians are.

You know what a lesbian brings
on a second date? A u-haul.

- ( Laughs )
- That's right, a u-haul. They move in together.

- They move right in.
- I looked at her and I thought hyphen name.

Kids are gonna get to know her.
It's all gonna work.

- That's lovely.
- I'm happy for you I really am.

I'm completely smitten.
She smiled.

- At you?
- At me. Smiling at an old bald man.

- Mine is so vivacious.
- Mine's vivacious too.

And built.

A body I would like
to get my hands on.

- Ooh!
- Exactly.

- I know what you mean. You know what?
- What?

- She's Jewish.
- No kidding.

- Yeah.
- Can I tell you something?

- What?
- Mine too.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Unbelievable.
- Cheers.

- L'Chaim.
- L'Chaim.

- It's too good to be true.
- Yours is Jewish?

Yeah, I knew from her name.
O'Donnell, Irish, duh.

Yeah, right.
Yeah, Cohn, Jewish.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- What did you say? Cohn?
- Mmm.

Jane Cohn?

Holy shit.

Are you kidding me?
Is this a joke?

- How's it a joke? Here's the number.
- How'd you get that?

- She gave it to me.
- She gave it to you?

What am I, a magician?
I know that you have a card on you?

Why would she give us both her card?
It doesn't make any sense.

Obviously she's bi-sexual.

- Fucking hate that.
- What is that?

What is that anyway?
I mean, pick a side already, right?

- Absolutely.
- Can't you make up your mind?

What is this?
They have to have sex with everyone?

- They have to do everything?
- Half the population isn't enough for them?

- They want everybody? They're so selfish?
- I can't believe it.

She did not seem
the type to me.

- So what are we gonna do?
- I don't know.

I guess you'll just have to back
away because most of these women

who say they're bi are really
gay and they just can't say it.

- Back away? Me back away?
- Yeah, I think you should.

Why would I back away?
This woman is crazy about me.

- I don't believe you.
- You don't believe me?

- Really?
- Because I felt it. My body felt it, okay?

I came alive in areas that have
been dry like the Sahara desert.

- You follow me, Larry?
- Look, in baseball the tie goes to the runner.

In situations like this,
tie goes to the hetero.

It was no tie, babe.
She hit my base first

cleanly before
she even saw you.

You're intent on going
through this?

Of course I am.
I don't want you to get hurt, Larry.

You've been through a lot, right?
A lot of other women here.

Probably women who are more your speed.
More your level.

Spare yourself the expense
and embarrassment.

- Get out of this now.
- Okay, save myself?

Yes, 'cause you're
gonna be annihilated.

I'm gonna be annihilated by
you in the love department?

- We'll just see what happens.
- Game on, Larry David.

- You've got it, sister.
- All right.

- Good luck to you.
- You're in over your head, Rosie.

- You think so?
- I know so.

She's a dyke.
Deal with it.

Ho ho! Look who's in
the motherfucking house!

Ha ha! Leon in
the motherfucking house!

You drove the car?
Look what you did to the car.

Let me tell you something.
This motherfucking car has got some heart, man.

I was surprised.
I thought it was a bitch-ass car.

This shit got some
fucking heart to it.

- Why didn't you fly?
- I don't fly, baby.

You got to have a photo I.D.
for that, you know what I'm saying? Fuck that.

I don't know how you can give a car
back to somebody in this condition.

This motherfucker
has some room to it too.

I got eight motherfuckers
up in this car.

- Yeah. What?
- I thought it held only four people.

What did you do?
You picked up hitchhikers?

See the baby seat back there?
Hell yeah.

Come on, man.
Let me see your place, man.

What are you doing here anyway?

I had to get out of
that fucking house, man.

- Roommate was driving me crazy and shit.
- The who?

- The roommate all in my shit.
- Roommate?

- Let me see the place, man.
- What roommate?

- The fucking roommate at the house in California.
- Larry: What?

So she gave-- She gave
her phone number

- to me and Rosie O'Donnell.
- Oooh!

Whoa, look at this, man!
Are you kidding me, Larry?

- Renny Harlin's place.
- Oh shit.

New York City, baby.
I'm here!

You got to tell people
you're here sometimes, right?

Anyway, so what do you
think about it?

I'm in competition
with Rosie O'Donnell.

- Wow, man.
- I'll tell you what.

I'm feeling a little
insecure about it.

Lesbians have kind of
an advantage in a way.

They some tricky motherfuckers.

Frankly, I don't know
what I'm doing down there.

Ladies know that shit.
You're right.

That's what I'm saying.
I can't compete with a lesbian like that.

They know every nook and cranny.
You know, every nook and cranny.

What would happen if we were bi-sexuals?
I couldn't be comfortable now.

I wouldn't be comfortable right now.
I'd be all fucked up.

I would have zero interest
in a person like you.

You're goddamn right. Me too, Larry.
You know what I mean?

- Oh, you wouldn't be interested in me?
- Fuck no, Larry.

First of all, I would
fucking throw the fuck up.

I would regurgitate my own shit.
I would regurgitate and shit.

You think I'd go out with a guy
wearing a green wife-beater?

- Look at you.
- First of all, look at this shit right here.

- This shit on your head.
- Are you kidding me?

- What the hell is that?
- Oh, I gets mine, Larry.

I fucking gets mine.
You know I gets mine too.

- ( Laughing )
- Okay.

Where's my room at?
Where the fuck's my room at, Larry?

Ha ha!
I'm in the house!

I'm here to pick up
some food to go. David.

- Okay, one second.
- Okay.


- Larry, hi.
- Duckstein.

- We're both in New York.
- Yeah, we're both in New York.

Look at this, two Angelinos
here in New York.

- That's something, isn't it?
- What are you here for?

You know, I just came.

Hey, here's a thought.
Let's go to lunch.

- Tomorrow?
- Mmm.

- Mmm, I don't think so.
- Okay, Thursday.

No, I-I--
I don't think so.

- Why not?
- Well, we really don't see each other in L.A.

So why-- If we're in
one city all the time

and we never have lunch
in that city,

why would we have lunch
in the new city?

I see what this is.
I see what this is.

You're still holding a grudge

because we didn't invite you
to Joanie's Bat Mitzvah.

- You'll never forgive me for that.
- No no.

I'm telling you, we sent it out.
You were on the list.

- I did get the invitation.
- Yeah?

Yes, and I paid
so little attention to it

that I didn't even bother
to RSVP.

Because I shouldn't have been
invited in the first place.

I was offended
that I was invited.

- Let me get this straight--
- There's nothing to get straight.

I'm gonna eat alone tomorrow.

Why do you want to eat with me?

Because we never get
a chance to eat in L.A.

Because we're not friends.

We're not friends because
we never spend time together.

We don't spend time together because
I don't want to spend time together.

Is it possible that you have
a little room for growth?

No. Duckstein,

I think we've taken us
about as far as we can.

There will be no lunch,
no breakfast or dinner.

There won't be a snack.
There won't be coffee.

There won't be a drink.

And hopefully there won't
even be another bump into.

I feel badly for you

because life is like this...

- Yes.
- ...And what you've done is made it like this.

I want to make that smaller.

- Really?
- Yes. Shrink it.

Shrink it.
Put the hands together.

That's what I want.
See ya, Duckstein.

Bye, Larry.

- Jane: Hello.
- Larry: I'm here.

Thank you for coming over.

I know we wanted to go out but my
cat will not stop throwing up.

- It makes me nervous.
- Maybe the cat knew I was coming.

Oh. Maybe that's why I was
throwing up a minute ago.

- See, I have that effect.
- I get it, yes.

- She's got, like, empathetic nausea...
- Exactly.

- ...At the potential of your arrival.
- Exactly, yes. Yes.

Yeah, ever since I met you
I can't stop puking.

I don't know what it is.

You're not the first person
who's told me that.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You just have that
effect on people?

I do.
Particularly women.

- That's hot.
- It's a wonderful quality.

( Laughs )

- So what are we eating?
- Japanese.

So-- Ooh, God.

Um, that's not gonna work.

- Are you serious?
- Oh, jeez.

Oh, look at this.
They didn't secure the soup.

Why didn't they put it
in one of those bags?

- Oh, Jesus.
- Oh my God.

The whole thing is ruined.
You know, you're in the take-out business,

you got two things to do:

Get the order right,
secure the food.

Usually they're good.
I don't know.

You know what?
I'm going back there

and I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.

- Oh, get to the bottom of it?
- I'm definitely gonna tell them what happened.

It's fine, 'cause actually
I had Sushi last night, so...

- You had Sushi last night?
- Yeah.

- I didn't even ask you what I was getting.
- Oh, it's fine.

No, I love Sushi.

I'm just saying it's not a huge
deal that I don't have it again.

- So where'd you go last night?
- I had Sushi at Yankee stadium,

which you would not think is good Sushi,
but it was actually really good Sushi.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Sushi at Yankee stadium?
- I know.

I went with, um,
this friend of mine.

She's very connected

and we had a box to ourselves.

And they brought in catering
and we had Sushi.

- It was unbelievable.
- So who is this person?

Just this-- You know, it's funny.
You might know her.

Um, I mean
it's Rosie O'Donnell.

I'm sure you've probably
crossed paths with her.

- No.
- Do you want some wine?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Red or white?
- I don't care.

So, um...

What did--

What did Rosie think
of your apartment?

( Chuckles )

She didn't see my apartment.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- She wasn't here?
- No.

Poor thing.


You know, I've got to tell
you it was traumatic

to open that bag
and see what was going on.

It was very distressing.

- You know, I was on a date...
- Yes.

- ...With a bi-sexual.
- No.

And I'm competing for her
affection against a lesbian.

- You think that's easy?
- Sure sure. I have a--

Did I mention that I had
a soup and sandwich for dinner?

You didn't mention.
You talk a lot

but no sandwich mentioned.

You've got to secure
these bags.

Secure the bags

with tape, staples,
however you've got to do it.

Right, I understand.

So I get you another order

then you can take home
and everything be okay?

You know what?
I really appreciate that,

but that's really not quite
what I had in mind.

- Oh.
- Basically, man to man,

I think an apology
would be nice.

Okay, so I say sorry,

you believe,
you feel something,

then you move on? You go away?
Everything okay, yeah?

Yeah, if I like the sorry,
everything will be hunky-dory.


I am sorry.

Oh, the bow.
Oh my gosh.


I can't quibble with the bow.

I love that bow. Come on, how many
times do you get a bow in your life?

- Right, yes.
- Fantastic.

- Bow is very important.
- Fantastic.

We could learn a lot
of things from Japan.

You think about on the way home.
I think, yeah.

But next time,
if I come back again

to get some take-out,

are you gonna beef up
the security in the bag?

Absolutely, sir.
The tape, staples--

Everything gonna be
secured for you, okay?

When you're hungry you've got
that take-out order--

Listen, listen.
You said a deal, right?

You said I say sorry, you believe,
you move, you go away, okay?

You long explanation how special bow is.
Okay, we got it.

Next time we see you come in
we make sure bag secure.

- Very special for you, okay?
- Okay. Are we good?

- Can I-- Do I bow back?
- Yeah yeah. Do.

- Then you got that to follow.
- ( Mumbles )

- You follow?
- Yes.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Larry David.
Look at this.

Hey, Rosie.
Look who's here.

So, Larry, how was your night?

- Couldn't have gone better.
- No kidding?

- Yes.
- Same feeling I had. You know that?

And you saw her when?

- Yes, Monday.
- Monday? Who goes out on Monday?

Someone who's really
desperate to have a date,

I suppose, calls somebody
for a Monday night.

I won't tell her
that you said that.

But listen, the thing--
Did you throw your arm out?

Well, you know what?

All night long I was like
in this position.

And then up from this side.
You know what I mean?

- A lot of that.
- A lot of guys think that's a good move.

It's funny.
Usually women laugh at it.

- I don't think she was laughing.
- Really?

She was too busy moaning
to laugh.

- Yeah, a lot of that.
- I had the same thing in my neck.

What did you say?

Couldn't move my neck
from Tuesday morning.

It's all right.
Listen, the thing is,

she just texted me.
We're going to the Tonys

together, okay?

- The Tonys?
- As my date

to the Tony awards.


Me Tarzan, not you.

- ( Laughs )
- The Tonys.

You could ask any stranger
on the street,

they'll go to the Tonys.
That's no great accomplishment.

She knows all the words
to "Cats," okay?

Even the British version.

She enjoyed
"Chess" the musical.

Saw it three times.
She saw "Carrie."

It was only open two nights.
She likes Broadway, Larry.

She likes Broadway!
( Laughs )

She's going to the Tonys?
What the hell am I gonna do?

You can't compete
against the Tonys.

I'm dead.

( Crowd cheering )

Good play, Larry.

All right, Larry.
Two away. Two away.

Ha ha.

Come on, little Larry.

Here we go.
How's your arm?

- Good enough for you.
- Come on, throw it to mommy.

Let's go, Larry.

- ( Crowd cheering )
- Oh, fuck!

- Go go go!
- Ha ha, Larry!

I don't even have
to run, Larry.

- I can walk.
- Go go go!

- Oh, did you get lucky.
- She's going for third, Larry!

Where's he throwing the ball?

She's going home, Larry!



I don't feel like
going on this date.

I swear to God, I'd like
to cancel right now.

Let me tell you something, man.
I would not be a fucking friend

sitting around this
plush motherfucker

and allow you to go out
there and allow a lesbian

to beat you
at a fucking game, okay?

Come on, it's over.
She's taking her to the Tonys.

And let's face it, she's
got the lesbian advantage.

We are fucking men, Larry.

What do we have, man?
What the fuck do we have

that she doesn't have?

( Stammering ) You know,
I've got the penis.

You're damn right.
Rosie O'Donnell does not have--

- Has no penis. Has no penis.
- Doesn't have a penis.

Women do not have penises.
Men have penises.

You are absolutely right.
Don't be a fucking victim.

You at bat.

What's below your fucking bat?

What dangles below your bat?

- Huh?
- Balls.

- We got bats and balls, right?
- Right.

- Okay, what do ladies have?
- Gloves.

What do gloves do?
Catch the goddamn balls.

That's what ladies on this
planet do is catch balls.

Bats and balls
run the fucking world.

The woman is on this earth
to catch balls.

Interesting theory.

- See what I'm saying?
- Too bad I don't have a daughter.

I would like to impart
that knowledge to her.

Gloves don't catch gloves.
We have the advantage.

Okay? You've got to
realize that though.

Yeah yeah, I know.
I know.

But we're talking about
the Tonys here, okay?

This penis that I have cannot
compete with the Tonys.

- Tonys are a grand slam.
- Fuck the Tonys.

Fucking Tony.
Who the fuck is Tony?

Want a grand slam?



You want me to juice?

I want you to win.

That was amazing.

The penis is an extraordinary
instrument, Jane.

- ( Laughs )
- Sometimes it surprises even me.

And it's not just
a one-time thing.

That's what you get on
a consistent basis with me.

- Really?
- Absolutely.

- I can't even move.
- Well, speaking of that.

Shall we do this again
on Friday?

I don't want to wait that long.

- How about Thursday?
- Thursday?

- I thought you had plans on Thursday.
- I'll cancel them.

- You'll cancel them?
- Mm-hmm.

Too bad for that person.

( Laughs )

All right, Janie.

It's been swell.
Hope you had fun.


( Jane laughs )

( Speaking Japanese )


( Speaking Japanese )

Excuse me.
Do you speak English?

Yes, I am fluent.

Oh, I noticed that when
you apologized to this man

you gave him a rather deep bow.

Almost 90°.

Yes, I spilled ice cream.

So I very sorry.
So I apologize to him, yes.

Now the other night a Japanese
fellow apologized to me.

- Yes?
- But he only went down a few degrees.

- Kind of like that.
- Like that?

- Yeah.
- Oh oh.

That is not apology to you.

No, he was not sorry at all.

- He wasn't sorry?
- No no.

He a little dismissive of you.

- Dismissive?
- Yes. Yes.

- I got a dismissive bow?
- Yes.

A little bit...
Shit bow.

- Shit bow?
- Shit bow.

- Shit bow.
- Shit bow.

- A shit bow I got.
- Yes.

- I got a shit bow.
- No bow would be better than that bow.

- No bow better?
- Yes.

Little insulting to you.

Do you hear--
Not a bow like that.

- Not sorry at all. Little bitty bow.
- No.

I'm sorry to tell you,
but that was not apology.

Thank you very much.
This has been very helpful to me.

- You're very welcome.
- Can you bow for a thank you?

- You can bow for thank you.
- You can bow for thank you?

- Sure, yes.
- That's a thank you bow.

Thank you, yes.
Very good.

- Good day to you.
- Thank you very much. Good luck.

How you doing, Lar?

- Doing good.
- Yeah?

I guess you heard.

- Heard what?
- Jane canceled our date to the Tonys.

- Really?
- Really.

( Huffs ) I didn't know.

It's funny 'cause, you know, something
doesn't figure out of the whole thing.

I've known like four decades
of women that you've dated.

None of them ever ever talks
about your performance.

You're a singles hitter
your whole life,

now all of a sudden
you're Mr. power hitter?

You're Mr. grand slam? Mr.
get anybody, even Jane, huh?

You doing something, Lar?
What do you do?

- Can you explain this to me?
- Well, I'm--

I'm on a new regiment.
I'm working out.

I've changed my diet.
Makes a big difference.

- You're working out?
- Yeah.

- That's it?
- That's it.

What, are you juicing, Larry?

- ( Scoffs )
- Are you juicing now?

I have never taken performance
enhancing drugs ever.


No no no no no no no.

Got it.
But it doesn't make sense, Larry.

I've known you
too long, all right?

Something just does not add up.

Outfield in.
Play to first.

All right, let's go, Larry.

Easy out.

( Crowd cheering )

- Yeah!
- Well, get it in!

How are you doing?

( Sighs )

( Groans )

( Grunts )

- Jeff: Did you hear about Duckstein?
- Larry: No.

Some lady walking her dog
found him on the ground choking.

- What? Is he okay?
- Yeah.

He's in the hospital, but
they say he's gonna be fine.

You know how to do the heimlich.
You could have, you know.

Yeah, I know how to do
the heimlich.

You do. If you only
went to lunch with him.

Yeah, you're right.
I could have helped him.

I feel terrible.

So how's things with Jane?

Oh, it's fantastic.
She loves baseball.

- I love that.
- She's taking me to Cooperstown on Sunday.

She blew off
the Tonys with Rosie.

- This woman blew off the Tonys...
- Blew off the Tonys.

- ...To take you to Cooperstown?
- To take me to Cooperstown.

It's not like being with a guy.
It's like being with a great guy

who happens to have a vagina and knows the
statistics of what Roy White hit in 1971.

- Exactly.
- Unbelievable.

And I beat Rosie.

Hi. Here to pick up
an order for Larry David.

Oh, it's right over there.
Should be ready in a second.


I got the stapler, tape.

Your soup is--
Look at this.

- Wow.
- You could run marathon and no spill it.

Can I turn it upside down?

- That's the test.
- Yeah, sure. Turn down.


- Good.
- That's how you run a restaurant.

You secure
the take-out order.

You know, there is
one more little issue

I just wanted to mention.
I was in the park

and there was a Japanese fellow

and I saw him bowing,

but he bowed to 90°.

Your bow was like 15°.

I asked him about it
and he said

that what you did
is actually dismissive.

So I just thought I would
let you know about it.

Sure yeah, thank you.

Listen, a bow is a bow, right?

No, he said a bow is not a bow.

- Yeah, a bow is a bow.
- No, this is not a bow.

You were short
of the authentic bow.

I had authentic bow.
Bow is a bow.

He is not authentic.
He doesn't know.

Is it possible you
don't know the bow rules?

Bow rules?
I understand the bow rules.

- You know your bow rules?
- I was raised by bow rules.

- Did they mention a degree?
- No, they didn't mention degree

because a bow is a bow.

Do you know what the Japanese guy in
the park actually said about your bow?

No, what did he say?

- He said...
- Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's a shit bow.

He said shit bow?

Yes, those were his words.
Shit bow.

My bow is a shit bow?

I'm not saying that.
Let's find out.

I'll go on the Internet,
we'll do a little research,

then I'll come back
and we'll see if

your bow is right.

Okay, sure.
I do that for you.

- we'll do contest.
- All right, we'll look it up.

Also, future reference,
just to note

there's other good
restaurants around too.

You should try sometime.
There's good places here.

- I really enjoy this food.
- Yeah, you do.

- Yes.
- For you, here we go.

That looked good.

- Okay.
- That looked good.

- Okay okay.
- I'm still gonna research.

Yeah, sure.
Yeah, research.

- Okay?
- Yeah, Wikipedia.

( Laughing ) Yeah, sure you're goddamn right.
I'm living large.

I just had a croissant filled
with motherfucking champagne.

Hey, I've got to talk to you.

Hold the fuck on, bitch.
Hold the fuck up. God damn.

- What's up, Larry?
- Got a date with Jane.

- Oooh.
- I need a...


- A what?
- You know, a supplement.

A supplement?
What the fuck is that?

You know, one of the pills.
I need a pill.

Oh, I'm out of pills, man.
I don't have no pills.

- That's it.
- Since when?

I'm out. You're popping these
motherfuckers like candy.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- I got to tell you when I'm out of pills?

- You know I'm depending on it.
- You got to go solo, man.

- What? Solo?
- Go fucking solo.

She'll notice the drop off.
How am I gonna do that?

Yeah, that's fucked up.
You can't go into a fuck fight

with no goddamn weapon.
That ain't cool.

Fucking walking in with a goddamn jump
rope hanging from your fucking pants.

Get off the phone.
Who are you talking to?

- I'll call you back
- Come on, I've got to pick her up in two hours.

Can you think of anything?
I need some help.

Oh, I've got an idea.

Here's what I want
you to do, okay?

Go around to Washington
Square park, all right?

Got any--
Got any of that stuff?

The money.

Come on.
( Snapping )

- That's it? Two?
- Yeah.

- I thought there were three.
- That's it. Now beat it.

- Get out of here.
- Nice to meet you.


( Organ playing )

- Jane: All right, I've got one.
- Larry: Okay.

Who holds the record for
most postseason home runs?

Most post season homeruns?
Come on, Jane.

What are you doing?
Give me a test.

- Come on.
- Bernie Williams.

( Imitates buzzer )
Wrong. Manny.

- Manny?
- Manny Manny man-- Whoa!

- Jeez, I'm so sorry.
- ( Laughing )

- I took your shoe right off.
- No, it's fine.

- Are you really sorry? Really?
- Yes. Yes.

- Okay, then give me a bow.
- I don't know if I'm bow sorry.

No, I need bow sorry
or I'm not forgiving you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- You want the bow?
- I do.

- Jane.
- Larry.

- You've got it.
- Yay.

( Jane laughs )

Whoa, you dropped something.

What is this?

Are you juicing?

No no.

Look, it's not for performance.

- It's just for recovery.
- Bullshit, Larry.

No, seriously.
Are you kidding?

I can put up those
numbers anytime.

You think anybody else
could do what I do

just by taking one of those pills?
I have skills.

( Scoffs )

Hey, what are you doing?
Where's my ticket?

- What about the hall of fame?
- You're not getting in.

Everybody's doing it!
I was just leveling the playing field!

I'm sorry!

So sorry!

Larry: Anyway, I heard
about what happened.

I really felt terrible
and thought I should--

Forget it. You know why?
Because the important thing is

whatever brought you here is now
the beginning of a friendship.

- I approached you, I asked you, you let it sink in...
- Mr. Duckstein.

- Lunch.
- ...And here we are. Oh, lunch time.

Lunch time.
You know something? 1:00.

What do we have today?
Salisbury steak.

- Would you like to stay for lunch?
- No no.

This could be our first meal together.
Get my friend some lunch.

My new friend some lunch.
You know something?

This is so ironic.
We're having lunch after all.

Talk about destiny.
I feel it, I know you feel it.

This is gonna be the first

of God knows how many lunches.
Because this is the beginning.

( Theme music playing )