Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 8, Episode 5 - Vow of Silence - full transcript

A friend who has taken a vow of silence creates a stir at multiple parties, Larry eats Jeff's dog's last meal, and Richard Lewis is snubbed meeting Larry for lunch.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
( Theme music playing )

Look at this.
Takes up two spaces,

parks over the line.
What kind of idiot--

Everybody's gotta move
down now because of him.

( Chattering )

- Ah, there they are.
- Ah.

- Hello.
- Oh! Well, this is quite a party.

- I know.
- You're throwing for yourselves, I might add.

- We're beloved.
- I mean, usually somebody else gives you

- a going-away party...
- Susie: Not always.

- ...But you've decided to give one for yourselves.
- We're very excited about this.

It's a big opportunity
for Sammi.

Not everybody gets into the
Julliard summer program.

- They don't take everybody?
- No, you have to audition.

- She auditioned, Larry.
- She auditioned?

Yeah. Let me
tell you something.

You've never seen her.
When she gets onstage...

- No, I-I-I-I--
- She lights up the room.

- Mmm.
- Why do you have to criticize my kid, Larry?

I'm not criticizing.
I don't think she wants to do it.

- I think you're pushing her into it.
- Susie: Really?

- Yes.
- No, it's all her desire.

- I think you are.
- Well, you're wrong.

- Yeah, I don't think I am.
- You know what?

- What, are you making fun of me now?
- Yes. Yes, I am.

You're an asshole. You know what the
best thing about going to New York is?

I'm not gonna see your face
for three months.

- She's funny--
- We'll all be avoiding you.

- Hey, Funkman.
- Hi, Marty.

Why did you have to take
up two parking spaces?

You made me take
two parking spaces, okay?

Yes, I can understand
that you're upset.

I too was upset
when I saw the red Volvo

to my left also
taking up two spaces.

- He created a domino effect.
- Marty: There's no Volvo out there.

- There was when I parked, okay?
- Okay, great.

- All right.
- Anyway, guys...

- Yes.
- ...I just wanna tell ya I'm gonna miss ya.

- Oh, Marty.
- We'll miss you too, Marty.

- I'll see you inside.
- Susie: All right.

Some people believe in our
daughter, believe it or not.

- Thank you, Marty.
- You're welcome.

Hey, Vance, Vance,
thanks for coming.

( Silent )

Hey, Vance.

What's with you?
What, have you got laryngitis?

Vow of silence.

- Took a vow of silence.
- ( Chuckles ) You took a vow of silence?

Spiritual advisor?
Is that what you just said?

And he told you to do this?
For what purpose?

You know, I've tried to get
Susie to take a vow of silence.

- ( Chuckles )
- Jeff: I have. I've talked to her about it.

That's never gonna happen.
I have too many important things to say.

See, that's funny.
Meanwhile, he's trying to communicate it.

It's just
you're mouthing--

Oh, it's okay to mouth.
It's okay to mouth.

You're still communicating, but
in a much less effective way.

All right,
I can't understand you.

( Silent )

Yeah, you two go, go eat.
Go stuff your face, both of you.

He's an asshole.

Jeff: A bit of a warning--
Tessler is coming tonight.

I'm pretty sure.
He asked if you were available

to do some sort of benefit.

I bet it has something to do with
his son, the special needs kid.

I just wanted to give you
a heads up on that.

All right, I'll be
on the lookout for that.

- Yeah.
- What's taking this line so long?

Uh, that'd be my veterinarian
at the front of the line.

- Larry: What's he doing here?
- Jeff: He and his wife came.

Oscar's really sick, so Susie felt
like it'd be nice to invite him.

- So yeah.
- Oh.

- Brian? Hey.
- Hi.

- Krista. Krista Ferguson.
- Oh, uh, I-- Yeah.

- Krista: It was Smith, probably.
- Brent: Hey. Oh, okay.

- You see what's going on over here?
- No.

- Brent: I didn't recognize you.
- She's doing a chat and cut.

- A chat and cut? Really?
- She's feigning familiarity

with someone she vaguely knows

- for the sole purpose of cutting in line.
- You're sure?

Positive. She'll be picking
up a plate any second.

- You look--
- You're like beaming with light.

There-- There she goes.
Yeah. Uh, excuse me.

- Yeah, it's great to see you. Yeah? Hi.
- Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hi, first of all.

Congratulations on a great
attempt at a chat and cut.

Really good.
99 times out of 100,

that's gonna work.

I happen to be
on the line so--

Okay, I don't-- I don't know
what you're talking about.

- I just saw my friend--
- I know a chat and cut when I see it.

- Okay, all right.
- You used this fellow--

This poor, innocent fellow
to sneak into the line.

Do you even--
Do you know her at all?

Well, I mean--
I mean, to be fair,

we met like
eight years ago. I--

- He remembers, so--
- No, I-- I honestly don't.

- You think she's doing a chat and cut?
- I kinda feel like you are.

- Yeah. You see?
- I feel a little manipulated.

- Yeah, he's been--
- Oh, fine. Okay.

He's been manipulated.
You manipulated him, that's what it is.

You want me to get back in line?
Would that make you feel better?

- Yes, it would. Yes. Yeah.
- Fine. Okay. Fine.

You are unbelievable,
you know that?

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, because, you know what?

You just have to--
That's your job--

- Bust people as they come through...
- Yeah. Uh-huh.

- So you can.
- And look, you just did it again.

- What? No, I'm-- I'm--
- Oh so, seriously,

I'm not even gonna
say anything this time.

I respect your skills, really.

- Excellent. ( Clicks tongue )
- Thanks.

Seriously, how much would it take
for you to see, "Eat Pray Love?"

- $3,000.
- Both: $3,000?

It's not that bad
of a movie. We saw it.

To actually go to the theater
and sit in the theater?

- Sit in the theater, yeah.
- That's $3,000.

- $3,000?
- Yeah. Let me ask you this question:

In veterinary school, do you
tend to focus more on the dog,

let's say,
than-- Than the cow?

No you focus
on everything. You know--

- What if I brought a roach in?
- Listen, if you brought a roach in

and you say you love that roach,
I'm gonna do what I can

to give it every chance it has.
I mean, that's all I can do.

When do you get the reports on Oscar, by the way?
I meant to ask you that.

Probably tonight, so we should know
everything within the next day or so.

I'm crossing
my fingers for you.

I appreciate that.
Thank you, my friend.

Okay, I'm gonna get some coffee.
Does anybody-- Do you want anything?

- No thanks.
- Woman: Thanks.

You see a rat in the house,
you don't want to kill it?

Yes, if I see a rat in the
house, I want to kill it.

What if you injured it?
Would you then bring it into his office

for him to save it?
You see what I'm getting at?

Mmm, no.
He saves pets.

If some moron has a rat
for a pet, he'll save that.

- Mm-hmm. Of course.
- But if that same rat is in the house--

- Ah, I don't know.
- All right, you know what?

- I'm gonna go mingle.
- So does he deal with any farm animals--

Pigs, things of that nature?

Every now and then a pig, once
a horse, but it's pretty rare.

I don't know why
they don't have specialties.

"I'm a donkey vet.
I'm a rabbit vet.

I'm a turtle vet."
You know what I mean?

In humans, there's an ENT,
there's a podiatrist.

The way you're saying it,
it's almost like

there should be a doctor
who handles just feathers.

Yes. How does a vet do?

What do they make,
a guy like that?

A vet, do they make
as much as a doctor?

- Are you serious right now?
- Yeah.

Wow. Larry, that's a
very personal question.

- Really?
- I don't know if you want me

- to ask you a bunch of personal questions.
- Ask me anything you want.

Okay, when is the last
time you jacked off?

Mmm. This morning.

- I should go. Okay.
- Oh. Okay.

- ( Clears throat ) Yeah.
- Nice talking to you.

- Hey, Larry.
- Tessler.

- Good to see you.
- Yeah.

- Nice party.
- Oh, it's-- Oh yeah.

Listen, I'm glad
I ran into you.

Do you know anything
about Keegan's club?

- Keegan's club?
- Keegan's club.

- No.
- It's named after Keegan Horsch.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's Brian Horsch's son,

- a special needs kid like Max, like my boy.
- Yeah yeah.

And they have this event--
It's like a field day,

- 8:00 in the morning to 10:00 at night...
- ( Making sympathetic noises )

Spend the whole day with kids
with all kinds of problems--

physical problems,
mental problems,

learning problems.
It's kind of like a workshop.

It's also a field day
kind of stuff--

- Three-legged race, sack race kind of thing.
- Oh, three-legged race?

- Yeah yeah yeah. Hard-boiled egg in a spoon.
- Oh, what's--

- That is-- Huh?
- Nothing more fun than that.

- Running with that thing?
- And you know what's great about it?

It's comical, but it's all
with the love, you know?

It's like a great
big hug all day long,

and we'd love
to have you there.

- I-- I--
- It's this Saturday.

- Saturday?
- Yeah.

Sa-- Oh, you know what?

- I can't make it.
- How come?

I-- I'm going out
of town on Saturday.

Oh, that's too bad.
Where you going?

- I'm going to New York.
- You're going to New York?

- Yes.
- Everybody's going to New York.

- Yeah, I know. It's crazy.
- We'll go right now.

- Oh, that's too bad.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- You would've had such an amazing time.
- Keegan's club.

Keegan's club.
I'll send you the literature.

- I want to be in Keegan's club. Okay?
- Okay, count on it.

Maybe next year or the next
time we have an event,

I'll get in touch
with you, okay?

Sorry you can't
make it this time.

- Again, really really sorry.
- Okay.

We'll miss you this year,
but next year we won't.

- Okay, all right.
- Okay. Good to see you.

- See you-- See you, Tessler.
- All right.

- ( Rings, beeps )
- Hello.

Hey, Richie,
I'm on my way to the vet's.

I'm gonna meet Jeff for lunch.

- Why are you going to the vet's?
- Oscar's really sick.

You should just
let him take care of it.

What are you,
Dr. Dolittle?

Anyway, do you want
to go to lunch with us?

No, I can't.
I'm going to the doctor's.

Well, then what about Friday?
We'll have lunch on Friday.

I'll meet you at that place
on Wilshire and 24th.

- I like that joint.
- Okay, I'll see you Friday, 1:00.

All right, see you.

- Jeff: Hey.
- Hey.

- How's Oscar?
- Not good.

Waiting for the word
from the doctor.

- Okay, want to get some lunch?
- Starving.

- Me too.
- Where do you want to go?

I don't know.
I'll eat anything.

There's a great Mexican place
right down the road.

- Yeah, not-- I don't know.
- You don't want Mexican?

- Not Mexican, no.
- Sushi. Sushi's fantastic. Nice and light.

I'm reading all this mercury stuff.
I'm scared to get Sushi.

- I can't eat Sushi.
- How about some Italian? Wanna get some pasta?

I don't like to have
hot food for lunch.

What about a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?

I don't want bread.
I don't want to have bread.

Like a plate with--
Peanut butter and jelly

just on a plate with a fork?

- ( Sighs )
- What are you getting so stressed out about this for?

- I can't decide.
- It's lunch!

Let's go to Gjelina.

I'll get that spinach salad
with some soup.

- That's good.
- Fantastic.

- You know what? I don't think I want that salad.
- All right.

- Let's eat at another place.
- Jeff?

- Jeff: Hi.
- Not good.

- No?
- It's not good.

The tests came back positive
for leptospirosis.

I was just telling Susie we're
gonna have to put Oscar down.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Sorry, you guys.

- So--
- He was such a good dog, you know?

- Yeah, he was a great dog. A great dog.
- He had such a good life.

- I know, I know, I know, I know.
- Let me ask you a question.

Did you notice, by any chance,

if your wife was upset last
night when you got home?

- No, not that I-- Not that I noticed.
- We have things to discuss.

- Did she mention my name?
- No, it did not come up last night.

So, doctor, what's the process?

- He's not gonna feel pain?
- He's not gonna feel anything.

We will make him and you
as comfortable as possible.

- Okay?
- Is she the type of woman

who would confide in you
if she was upset?

We're still talking
about my wife right now?

- Yeah, you got that kind of a relationship?
- Yes, we do.

Like a married relationship?
We do have that kind--

Yeah. You discuss
things like that?

- We do.
- A lot of married couples don't do that.

She doesn't care about you!

You're not the center
of the universe!

Right now Oscar is!
He's gonna die any minute now, okay?

I was just curious,
though, as you would be too

if you thought somebody was annoyed,
but you didn't really know.

You know what I mean?

I'm just-- I'm just
curious, that's all.

- Why don't you guys do me a favor, all right?
- Yeah.

I'm just thinking,
wouldn't it be nice

for him to have a last meal?

Oh, absolutely.
I encourage it.

- So the dog could have a big chocolate bar?
- Dogs have last meals?

- He loves Pinkberry.
- If he loves Pinkberry,

- then that's what he should have.
- Coconut.

Can you go
get it, Jeff? Okay?

- We're going out to lunch now.
- You're not going to lunch.

You're not going to lunch.
You're going to Pinkberry and you're coming back.

But neither of us have
eaten since breakfast.

I don't really give
a shit about you.

I care about
Oscar right now, okay?

He's in pain.
He's gonna die soon.

He needs his last meal.

- Pinkberry, right back.
- No lunch who the fuck needs a lunch?

- Susie: Exactly. I don't want to prolong this.
- Not me. Come on.

- Pinkberry, come on.
- You drive a red Volvo?

Don't drive a red Volvo.

- You sure?
- I drive a black Lexus.

Ah. Wow.
That's some car.

- You do pretty well, don't you?
- Thank you, Larry. I'm a doctor.

- You make as much as a regular doctor?
- Get me the fucking Pinkberry!

- Just curious. Okay.
- Just go! Hurry up!

- Time is of the essence! God.
- Come on.

( Door opens, closes )

Excuse me, are you
happy with that park?

- Yeah, what's wrong with that?
- You're way outside the line.

- You're taking up two spaces.
- I'm like an inch over the line.

No, you're a foot
over the line.

You're taking up two spaces,

the next car is also gonna
be taking up two spaces

then you're gonna leave and then
that car is gonna get blamed.

This is chaos.
Society can't function like this.

- What?
- You have to be in the lines,

- the way it's supposed to be.
- Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't you mind
your own business?

Well, I suppose that's an idea,

- not a very good one though.
- Yeah. Oh no?

Just say, "you know what?
I'll do better next time."

- I did fine. I did fine.
- No, that's not fine.

- Don't need to do better.
- You didn't do fine.

- You need to do better. You need to do better.
- No, I did fine.

- That's just shoddy.
- I really give a shit

what you think of my
parking job, okay, pal?

It's not an open field.
It's not a farm, okay?

- Just-- Just park your car between the lines.
- A farm?

It's not that hard!
Look, just pull in between the lines.

Why don't you stay
between the lines

of your own
goddamn business, huh?

Why don't you stay confined
within the lines

of not being an asshole?
'Cause you're way over that line.

- All right?
- The only person who's the asshole here

- is the pig parker.
- Pig parker?

- Yes.
- So you're calling me a pig?

- A pig parker.
- Hey, you know what?

- Have a real nice day.
- Okay, I will.

I'm sure you will too,
at everyone else's expense.

- Yeah. Yeah, I will. I will yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey. What's going on?

- Tessler's out there.
- You're supposed to be in New York.

- Did he see you?
- No.

Yo. What are you doing?

Talking to my friend.

I know what he's doing.
He's about to do a chat and cut.

- It's a total chat and cut.
- Jeff: No no no no no no.

No no no. No, I know
it looks like a chat--

Yeah, 'cause you were
chatting with your friend

- and then you cut the line.
- Are you guys even friends?

Please please,
don't insult me, okay?

I invented the chat and cut.
This is amateur hour.

- If I was gonna do it, you wouldn't even notice.
- You just did it.

- Just get to the back of line, dude.
- You've gotta get back.

- It's not fair.
- It's not a chat and cut!

- It's a chat and cut.
- No, it's not a chat and cut!

- What are you doing?
- ( All shouting )

All right!
Okay! I'm going!

- Just go. Unbelievable.
- It's not fair.

- Larry. How you doing?
- Hey!

- I thought you were in New York.
- Just got back...

- Oh oh oh. Okay.
- ...This morning.

- ( Chuckles ) Well, good to see you.
- Yeah.

How'd the, uh--
The Kogel, uh--

- Oh, Keegan's club.
- Keegan's Club, yeah.

They had to postpone it.
Bedbug infestation on the nap mats.

- Oh my God. Bedbugs?
- Part of the event is this big,

middle of the day nap-- All the kids.
It's beautiful. A beautiful thing.

- Uh-huh.
- A kind of pastoral feel to it.

- Oh. Wow.
- Bedbugs. Just devastating. Had to burn everything.

- So we postponed the event.
- That's terrible.

Yeah. The good news is you're
gonna be around for it though.

- It's gonna be great.
- When-when--

- When are you thinking about doing it?
- Not really sure.

It's gonna be sometime--
Hopefully within the month,

probably more likely
six to eight weeks. Yeah.

Jesus, I can't believe it.

I gotta go back--
I'm going back to New York.

- You're going back to New York?
- I'm going back, yeah,

for like-- What-what--
what did you say it was?

Six weeks on our end,

- You're gonna be gone for all that time?
- I'll be gone for al--

- Almost three months. Yeah.
- Wow. What are you doing?

- Umm, Jerry and I are working on a new--
- Oh. Oh, excellent.

- A new show.
- Yeah? Oh great. Great.

- Excellent.
- You know, don't-- Don't talk about that.

With anybody.
Even if you see Jerry...

- Yeah. No.
- ...Don't mention it, 'cause he wouldn't want me

- discussing it.
- Okay. Okay. Hush hush.

He would-- He would deny it if you
actually said something to him.

I'm the world's fastest prep
as a director. You know that.

- I know that about you.
- I once did a "Silver Spoons" on 48 hours.

- Is that so? Jesus.
- Yeah, got me in there.

- Tessler, you're something. You're a talented guy.
- Yeah. Oh thanks.

- Thank you. I appreciate it. Pass it on.
- Yeah. Yeah. I will.

Well, listen, I'm sorry
you're gonna miss it again,

but, you know,
you look at these kids

and you just feel so complete,

- if only by comparison.
- Yeah, I know. I wanna do it.

I wanna do it. I don't even wanna do it for them.
I wanna do it for me.

- Good to see you.
- Great to see you, and my best to all the kids.

- Okay, I'll pass it along. All right. Be well.
- Yeah. Okay.

Larry: I should've gotten
some yogurt there.

- You should've.
- I'm very starving.

I'm starving too.
Why do we listen to her?

- Mind if I take a bite of this?
- I do mind.

- That's for Oscar.
- Come on, one bite.

- No.
- Let me take one bite.

What the-- Come on,
I've got low blood sugar.

One bite but make it small.

Small small small.

- Oh!
- Good, huh?

- That is really good.
- Is there another spoon in the bag?

Let me have-
give it here for a second.

Let me have a taste.

Ah! It's good.

- Isn't that good?
- Yup.

- By the way...
- Mmm?

Your taste was about
twice as big as mine.

- What are you talking about? It was a small taste.
- No, it was about--

No, it was about
as twice as big as mine.

- Just stop it. No no.
- I'm evening it out, that's all.

- Evening it out? What are you talking about?
- Yeah, I just evened it out.

No, now you've gotten two
and I've gotten one.

- That's bullshit.
- No, my two bites were the same as your one.

Oh, right. Okay.
I can't even see what you're eating.

Look at that! Look at the
size of those bites you took!

Are you serious?
Come on, that's not fair.

- Stop it. No, we're even.
- Really?

- You're done.
- No, bullshit.

You're-- Bullshit, you're done.
It's for Os--

- No way, man.
- You're done!

One more. Last one, okay?
We'll have one more.

- This is it. Okay, one more.
- Okay, one-- One each more.

One each more, okay?
Thank you.

- You just took two bites!
- Bullshit.

- What do you mean, bullshit?
- I'm driving! Stop!

All right. Okay. All right, you
want to be a dick, be a dick.

Okay, you want to be a dick...

( Muffled )
Be a fucking dick! Okay?!

- What are you doing?
- ( Mumbles )

- ( Silent )
- Oh, hey, Vance.

I-- I don't know what the
hell you're trying to say.

Will you just talk, please?


- I-I-I-I-- Just go.
- I know.

- I'll see you later. Bye.
- Bye.

See you, Vance.

Jesus, you've got
some stuff on your face.

Get that off.

- Jeff?
- Yeah?

- Did you get it?
- Nope. Closed.

- They were closed?
- They were closed.

They're never closed.
They're open till, like, midnight.

- We go after the movies all the time.
- They-- I'm telling ya--

- Larry: Korean holiday.
- A Korean holiday?

- Tet. Tet.
- Oh, it had to be today of all days.

- Yeah, today is tet. It's tet.
- Tet day.

You know,
Koreans own Pinkberry.

Wasn't there another one?
So all of them would be closed?

- All of them are closed.
- Oh God damn, he can't have his last meal.

He loves the Pinkberry so much.

- Yeah.
- It's very interesting, though,

that he would choose
Pinkberry as a last meal.

- He loves it.
- I wonder if that'll catch on in prisons,

you know, when they're
about to be electrocuted.

- Pinkberry makes no sense.
- Well, why?

The Pinkberry'll melt.
It'll never get there in time.

- Why not?
- There's no Pinkberrys near prisons.

What, have you visited every
prison in the United States?

I can make
an assumption on this one

- that there's not a lot of Pinkberrys near prisons.
- There's plenty of Pinkberrys.

I'll bet you there's a couple
of decent ones near a prison.

- No way.
- Oh God. Well, we have to go take care of this now.

- Let me just throw this out.
- What? No. No.

- Uh, I'll take that. I'll take that.
- What is it?

No, it's gross.
It's full of my snot.

- Suz, just give it.
- Let me just throw it out.

No no, just go--
Put the tissue in my hand.

You know what?
You've gone through enough today

you don't need to be
looking at garbage.

- Right. I'm very sensitive.
- Yeah yeah, I know.

Susie: All right.
Let's go take care of this now.

Oh God. I don't want to do this.

( People chatting )

( Sighs )

Hey, Lewis,
where the hell are you?

I'm sitting here like
an idiot for 20 minutes.

I thought we were supposed to have lunch.
Give me a call.

Susie: He was just beloved
by the whole neighborhood.

You all know-- I mean these kids--
( Speaks softly )

I'm just so glad you were
all here to share it.

Larry: Where were you?
I waited half an hour.

You didn't confirm.
There's no way I'm gonna go there.

I didn't confirm?
We had-- We had a plan.

The plan is the confirmation.

I don't have to go to-- I don't
have to make another plan.

The plan is a plan.
A confirmation is a guarantee

- you're gonna show up!
- Okay, Sunday, same time, same place.

Well, I'll need a confirmation.

You're not getting
a confirmation!

- I have to have a confirmation.
- This is the confirmation right now.

- This is a plan.
- You're like some kind of government bureaucracy.

You've got the plan. You've got the confirmation.
You've got a subcommittee.

- I've got to go through all these levels.
- I'm not the Kremlin!

I'm just a human being who needs to be
assured that if I'm gonna take a shower,

get my clothes on and drive
to a fucking restaurant,

- you're gonna show up.
- I am assuring you right now.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, there's no confirmation.

- Fine.
- Show up.

- Fine, I'll show up...
- Okay.

But you'll really be
in deep shit if you don't.

Do you believe this crap?
Look at this.

Richard: I can't ta--
I've gotta get out.

- This is giving me the creeps.
- Larry: This is crazy. I know.

A Shiva call for a dog?

Have you ever heard
of anything like that?

I only met him once
and he nipped at me.

I shouldn't even be here.
I didn't even like the dog.

Hey, this is--
This is-- I can't--

- It's like a "Twilight Zone"--
- Hey. Hey, Vance.

Hi. Hi. This is my friend Richard.
This is Vance.

Oh, thanks a lot.

What the fuck is that?
Is he like a mime or some shit?

( Laughs )

- He's taken--
- What's wrong with him?

He's taken a vow of silence,

- yet he mouths.
- Like a ventriloquist without a puppet.

- ( Laughs )
- He should have at least a puppet in the car

- for practice when he goes out.
- I agree with you.

And I can't help feeling,
Vance, that I failed him.

And you're a spiritual person.
You understand this.

- You didn't fail him.
- At the vet's I wanted to give him his last meal.

He loved Pinkberry and Larry
and Jeff went to get it

and it was closed.

And I feel such
a sense of guilt.

We tried to make his life
the best possible life...

( Echoes ) Pinkberry.


Susie: The whole neighborhood
loved him, didn't they, Jeff?

- What? What? The-- The hose?
- I feel so horrible, Vance.

There's a hose?
I don't have a hose.

- Susie: Jeff and Larry went--
- Jeff: Larry, I don't have a hose.

- Yes, they went to get the Pinkberry.
- Did you bring a hose?

- No. Why-- Why would I bring a hose?
- Are you hungry?

- Are you hungry?
- Oh, I think he's saying he wants some pizza.

Pizza. Who has pizza
at sitting-- A Shiva?

- No, wait a minute.
- Larry: You should have some pizza here.

What do you mean you went
on a helicopter ride?

Why would you tell us now
about your helicopter ride?

- Larry: That is ridiculous.
- What's it like up there? You couldn't breath?

- Larry: Huh?
- Jeff: Wait. Hold on a second here.

What you need is
Oscar's bowl on display.

- People would like to see that.
- Oh, okay.

- Let's go in the garage.
- Yeah, Oscar's bowl.

- Larry, show him where the food is.
- Huh? Okay.

You what?

What are you gonna do?
Are you gonna tell on me?

Is that what you're gonna do?

Oh, I see.
So let me get this straight.

You're going to tattle,
is that it?

Well, you know what? Let me
tell you something, Vance.

There's a lot of bad karma attached to tattling.
Are you aware of that?

I wonder what your spiritual
advisor would say about that.

Huh? Leave him
out of that?

Yeah? No, I don't want
to leave him out of it,

because nobody likes
a tattletale.

Nobody. So go ahead and squeal

and you'll rot
in hell. Okay?

So what's it gonna be?

You won't say anything?
Yeah, that's what I thought.

There he is.

( Chuckles )
You keep saying goodbye.

- Hey.
- I thought you were going to New York.

- I thought you were on your way.
- Yeah, I was supposed to

and then the trip
got delayed again.

I'm not surprised.
I ran into Vance and he told me.

Boy, for a guy that can't talk, he
has a pretty big mouth, doesn't he?

Yeah, well, he just mentioned
you were still here.

- Oh, did he? Yeah?
- Listen, if you're in town now,

please do the event, 'cause it
just got moved up to Friday.

- It's Friday?
- It's this Friday.

- Aw, shit.
- It's frid--

I wish I could.
I wish I could,

I'm actually
going back tomorrow.

- You're going back to New York?
- Yeah.

- For how long?
- Two, three months.

A lot of it depends on Jerry's
schedule, which is crazy.

And by the way, don't--
Like I told you earlier,

don't-- Don't mention
this to anybody.

You know what?
Your business is your business.

- Look, where are you staying?
- In New York?

- Where are you gonna stay in New York? Yeah.
- Yeah, a-a-a hotel,

- the hotel... Krendle.
- Better. Better. Better.

- You know Renny Harlin? Director?
- Oh sure, the director.

- Used to be married to Geena Davis.
- Yeah.

I was originally gonna spend
this next couple of months

in New York doing
this off-Broadway thing,

but then I got "Pandemonium.
" We're shooting it right across the street.

- Right across the street, yeah.
- Yeah, it's based on the Hudson brothers' movie.

- Right.
- But Renny said-- Look,

if you need a place in New York,
it's on 66th and Broadway.

Beautiful place.
Why don't I just let you have the place?

He offered it to me.
I had to say no.

Well, he would just wanna
give me his apartment?

It's sitting empty. He's gonna be
in Malta for the next six months.

But why would he offer it to me?
I don't feel right about that.

You need a place to stay, Larry, and
you are going to New York, aren't you?

Okay, so if
you're going tomorrow,

if I came back here next week

and there's somebody that looks
like you sitting in that chair,

- it's not you.
- I'm not gonna be in this chair, no.

No no. If I drive by your house,
I'm not gonna see you out there.

- I won't see you on the front lawn.
- No, you won't see me. No.

- I'm gonna give Renny a shout right now, set you up.
- Okay. Okay.

- 'Cause you are going to New York.
- I'm going tomorrow.

Three months, right?
Okay, I'll tell him three months minimum.

He's gonna be happy to help you out.
Good to see you, Larry.

Susie: I know.
It was yummy, wasn't it?

No, the food here
is incredible.

Hey, Vance, what did
you think of dinner?

- Yeah, I-- I don't know what you're saying.
- Yeah.

- I have no idea.
- Do you know what? This is gonna be

the last time we see him.
Three months, we're gonna be in New York.

- I'm gonna miss you so much.
- Hello.

Hey, what are you doing?

Just had dinner
with Susie and Vance.

- Where are you?
- Divino's, but we're gonna go someplace else for dessert.

Oh, I'm two minutes away.
Wait there. I'll join you.

I have something to tell you.
You're not gonna believe what's happened.

Great great great, I'll see
you in a couple of minutes.

- All right, see you soon.
- Bye.

- What? He's coming over here?
- Larry's coming over.

Okay, you gonna come with us?

All right.

- All right, we'll text, we'll email.
- Take care, Vance.

Can't call him.
We can't call him.

I understood that.
He said bye.

The red Volvo?



What an asshole.

- What do you think? Hey, Lar.
- I don't know. What do you think?

I don't know. I was thinking Pinkberry.
You wanna go to Pinkberry?

You know what?
I've never had Pinkberry.

Oh man, you've got
to get out more.

- Jeff loves it, don't you?
- Not as much as I used to.

- Really?
- Yeah, I--

( Vance shouts ) Hey, Larry!

I got your little note.

Vance? Talking?

Hey, Susie, guess what?

Larry ate Oscar's Pinkberry!

And Jeff was driving!


Oh boy, am I so glad

we're going to New York for three
months and not gonna see your face!


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