Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 8, Episode 3 - Palestinian Chicken - full transcript

Larry plays "social assassin" to the hilt at a dinner party, on the golf course, and at a Palestinian restaurant with chicken to die for.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
( Theme music playing )

- Ah. Oh! Nice.
- Huh? Huh?

See? That was nice. Right?

- You know what?
- What?

- I think this is our year.
- I think you're looking

at the five-man team
club champions.

Man: I think we're the team to beat.
I really do.

I really think we have
a great chance this year.

- I agree.
- So, uh, are you ready to go? I gotta go.

- Why?
- You've gotta go? Take it easy.

No, I've just gotta get back.
I told Ilene I'd be back

- at a certain time.
- How did I know that? "I told Ilene.

- I've gotta get back."
- Okay.

On the way, we'll pick up
a new cock for you, okay?

- Thank you, Eddie.
- ( All laugh )

So listen, why don't we get together
at my place tomorrow night--

dinner, bring the wives?

- A pre-tournament dinner. I like it.
- Jeff: Sure.

What about Funkhouser?
Will you call him?

I'll call him.
He'll be there tomorrow.

- Okay.
- Where has he been? Have you seen him?

I don't know what
the hell he's doing.

- He hasn't practiced for--
- Like a month I haven't seen him out here.

- No one's seen him!
- What does he think?

He's just gonna come out here
on Saturday and play great?

- I don't get it.
- Jeff: He is great, but is he that great?

- Eddie: I'll take care of it.
- All right.

- I gotta-- I'm sorry, I gotta go.
- See you guys later.

- See you, guys.
- Okay okay.

Jeez. Is there anything
more pathetic

than a cowering, emasculated Jew
who ha to run home to his wife?

- I would agree with you.
- That poor fuck.

Imagine how he'd be
if he was married to Susie.

He'd have pee stains
on his pants constantly.

- He'd be in her purse. You know?
- He'd be in her purse.

He has no balls.
I have a solid single ball.

- Yeah, you've got one ball.
- I've got one solid ball.

- Hey, let's get something to eat.
- Okay.

Um, you want to try out that
palestinian chicken place?

Let's do it. That's all I've
ever heard is how great it is.

Okay, let's go.

Mmm, I've never had
chicken like this.

- I don't know what the hell they're doing.
- I don't know.

- It's unlike anything I've ever
even tasted. - What about this place?

Look at these posters, huh?

Jeff: Yeah, they do
not like the Jews.

- Look at that one.
- Ooh.

Larry: We're probably the only
Jews ever walked in here.

Jeff: Ever.
What these people should do

is send their chicken
over to Israel.

- For the peace process.
- Mm-hmm.

They'd take down all those
settlements in the morning.

Believe me.
You know what?

This would be a fantastic place

for Jews who are
cheating on their spouses

- to come to.
- Oh yeah.

Because no Jews ever come here.
They'd be so safe.

No one you know is
ever gonna see you here.

- You would never get caught.
- Ever.

Looks like they're planning
the next intifada

at this table,
but look at this woman.

Could be
the next Mrs. David.

- What do you think about that?
- If by some chance

she's gonna get over
her anti-semitism,

- odds are not with you, no.
- Not with me? Really?

- Just my gut feeling.
- You know what it is?

You're always attracted to someone
who doesn't want you, right?

- Right.
- Well, here you have somebody

who not only doesn't want you,

doesn't even acknowledge
your right to exist...

- Exist, yup.
- ...Wants your destruction.

That's a turn-on.

- ( Crashes )
- Oh my God!

( Sighs )

( Tisks )

She almost took my head off, but
I don't like those teachers.

I don't. Turn the boys
into girls and--

- no, you know what? They're doing their best.
- I have to say--

- hey!
- Well well.

- Hey. Hello.
- Welcome.

- Hello.
- Oh my God, are you serious?

- Thank you. Yes, I'm serious.
- Can you believe this?

- It's been like a year he hasn't seen me.
- A lot, I know.

- She lost a lot.
- About 60, 65 lbs.

- Susie and Jeff: Wow.
- Unbelievable.

- How'd you do it?
- I walked,

I watch what I eat
and discipline.

- A lot of celery.
- Celery. Jeff, you hear that?

- Celery.
- Yeah, I heard celery.

- I'm just saying.
- You're just saying? You're just annoying.

- By the way, who's got the silver lexus?
- Ron, why?

Oh. He's not gonna
like it.

- Jeff: You hit it?
- I'm afraid so.

Oh God, he just got that car.

I'm so stupid.
I tried to back up with mirrors only.

- Why?
- I challenged myself to just use mirrors

- and it didn't work.
- What do you think this is, the firecracker 400?

- It's a driveway.
- All right, I'm gonna break the news to him.

Eddie: All right.
Hey, Funkhouser's in there too.

He's got a little
surprise for you.

- Hey. How's it going?
- Hey, Larry, how are you? Nice to see you.

- Yeah, hi.
- You remember my wife Ilene, right?

- Sure, yeah. Hi.
- Good to see you.

We were just talking
about the golf tournament.

Thank you for allowing
him to play in it.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, no, it's all right.

Hey, listen, I'm sorry to
have to tell you this,

but I-- I kinda banged
into your car.

- How did you hit my car?
- I backed into it. I'm sorry.

- That's my new lexus.
- I know. I'll pay for it.

How did he hit your car?

- Ron, what did I say when we drove into the driveway?
- I know.

"Not enough space.
If you park there, someone's gonna hit you."

Yeah, no, it's my--
it's my fault.

It's my-- I'll pay
for the whole thing.

I'm just gonna take
a look at it.

- Oh God. Next time when I say...
- Ron: I know.

- ..."Don't park there," listen.
- Ron: Okay.

- Sammi? Hi.
- Oh hey, Larry.

- ( Chuckles )
- Shalom.

All right,
what the hell is this?

- What?
- The yarmulke.

I went through a bit
of a midlife crisis

and I rededicated
my life to judaism.

- Are you for real?
- I had a lot of schpilkas in my life

and I didn't realize it.
I went to rabbi Stein. Do you know her?

- No, I don't.
- Phenomenal.

I go there every night.

We talk.
She's invigorating me.

Is that why you haven't
been practicing?

We're depending on you.
I hope you've got your swing.

- I'm ready. I'm always ready.
- Oh really?

When are you gonna
come back to earth, huh?

I'm living under a mitzvah.
You have none of that.

( Softly ) Hey, let
me ask you something.

What the hell is
she doing here?

Why shouldn't she be here?

What do you mean?
It's a dinner party for adults.

- Hey, dinner's up.
- Larry: Hey.

You know what? I have a challah
in the car that I'll bring in.

All right.
So, you hungry?

- Starving.
- Good, we've got a great meal

and some fabulous desserts,
which by the way

I need you to keep me
away from no matter what.

- Okay.
- Yeah, 'cause I put a lot of time into this.

- I need a dessert referee.
- All right, I'm your guy.

- You promise?
- Yeah, I promise.

- Okay, I'm counting on you.
- All right.

( Chanting prayer in Hebrew )

- Eddie and Juliet: Amen.
- Now the wine.

- Larry: What?
- Okay.

- ( Praying )
- No way. No way.

That's enough.
Come on. No.

- I'm hungry.
- Well, you can't drink the wine without the prayer.

Oh, you can't?
Really? Watch this.

- ( Eddie laughs )
- Mmm.

- I'm with Larry on this.
- I guess we're drinking.

To the five-man
club championship.

- Hear hear.
- Now you're thinking.

- Ron: Absolute, bud. No doubt.
- Ahh.

- Eddie: Cheers.
- Juliet: Everybody eat up. Come on.

Oh, did you guys
hear about this?

Do you know that--
the chicken place

in Westwood,
the palestinian one?

- Al-- what is it called?
- Al-Abbas best original chicken.

Al-Abbas best
original chicken.

They're opening up
a second location

right next door
to Goldblatt's deli.

- Over my dead body.
- I'm sure that wouldn't bother them.

- ( Guys laugh )
- L.O.L., Jeff.

- L.O.L.
- ( Jeff chuckles )

How in the world,

can they dare open up a
palestinian chicken restaurant

next to the sacred land
of that deli?

Hey, this is America.
They can do whatever they want.

- What do you mean?
- Ilene: It's just chicken.

I mean, they can legally do it, true.
But should they?

- Yeah, they should. Yeah, they should.
- Ilene: Exactly.

It's insensitive.
Why can't they open it a few blocks uptown?

They should move it
a mile away.

I hear the chicken's
really good, by the way.

- I heard that too. Very good.
- Didn't you hear that?

- Ron: What does it matter?
- I hear it's the best chicken ever.

I tell you what I heard.
There's gonna be a rally next week

at this new location
they're trying to open.

We should all show up at the rally and
try to stop them from opening it.

- Funkhouser: Count me in.
- Jeff, we're going, okay?

- Whatever you say, darling.
- We're going.

Jeff and I are in.
We're in on the rally.

I'm gonna make placards
and everything.

I'll love to join you,
but I'm already committed

to the rally on the other side of
Goldblatt's at the German place.

- ( All laugh )
- Susie: Yeah, okay.

- It's good, yeah? How are the potatoes?
- Ron: Mmm, delicious.

- Susie: Delish.
- I'd say the potatoes are a little cold.

- ( Ron chuckles ) Wow, Larry.
- The beef is delicious.

- Larry, what?
- Juliet: They're not--

- they're not cold.
- What? What's the big deal?

- The chutzpah, man.
- Do you want me to warm them up for you?

Not at all. Not at all.
Hey, I got a good joke.

This is right up
your alley, okay, Funkman?

A woman goes to a gynecologist.
He says, "get up on the table,

put your feet in the stirrups
and spread your legs wide."

He goes, "my God, Mrs.
Johnson, you've got a big vagina."

- Whoa whoa whoa! Larry.
- ( Jeff laughs )

- What?
- Sammi's here, okay?

What's the big deal?
It's just a little joke.

- Ahh.
- Funkhouser: And what happens?

Excuse me.

What's the matter with you?
Telling a joke like that in front of her.

What are you bringing your daughter
to an adult dinner party for?

She's an adult.
She can come to an adult dinner party.

She's an adult? If she's an adult,
why can't she hear a dirty joke?

- There's a level, okay?
- Larry: A level?

- Yeah.
- Oh, there's a level of being an adult?

She's an adult when she turns 13 or
learns to make her first latkes.

- ( Laughter )
- L.O.L.

( Chatting )

( Both laugh )

- No no no. No no no.
- Huh-uh-uh.

I'm just gonna have a bite.
Oh no no no no no.

- Just a bite. Come on.
- You know what?

You told me specifically not
to let you have any dessert.

I appreciate it, Larry,
but I changed my mind.

Ah! Yes yes yes,

- but you said "no matter what," okay?
- But you know what?

I'm changing it, and now I'm
saying thank you for helping me.

- I'm gonna have some cake.
- No no, but you can't change it.

That's why you say "no matter what.
" This is the what.

- But now--
- That's why you asked me and not these other people,

- because you knew I wouldn't let you.
- What what what? Larry.

- Give me the cake!
- She told me not to let her have it, okay?

She said,
"no matter what," okay?

- Let her have it! It's none of your goddamn business!
- ( All shouting )

Give me the cake, Larry!

What are you doing?
What are you-- ah!

Ron: I got an
estimate on the car.

- $573?
- Yeah.

Okay, I'll tell you what--
forget the insurance.

I'll just write you a check.
I'll take care of it.

Well, I think
that's one way to do it,

but let me propose
an alternative here.

Indulge me for a second.

Last night at that dinner party,
you-- you really impressed me.

- ( Scoffs ) I did?
- Well, you just speak your mind, you know?

You tell people how you're
feeling, what you're thinking--

with the potatoes,
for example. You know?

- How cold were those potatoes, by the way?
- They were freezing.

I couldn't say that. You're the only one
who can come out with it, you know?

And then Jeff
and Susie with the kid.

What was the kid
doing there, right?

Why do you bring your daughter
to an adult dinner party?

Exactly. You say what
everybody's thinking.

You just come out with it.
It's impressive, you know?

Well, you know, thank you.

So I don't know if you
noticed this last night,

but my wife Ilene,
she says "L.O.L."

I don't know if you
picked up on that that.

- Oh, yes, I certainly did pick up on that.
- Yeah?

I mean, why would you say "L.O.L.
" Instead of just laughing at something?

- Well, just tell her to stop saying it.
- I can't tell her that.

She'll kill me.
Are you kidding?

We'll get into a fight,
it'll last for months.

- She's a tough customer.
- Yes she-- you noticed that?

She's like-- she's like
Susie's twin sister.

I know. I'd just like
to avoid the whole thing,

and I was
just wondering, maybe...

You could say
it to her, you know?

You know? You just put it out
there, 'cause that's what you do.

And I'll tell you what.
You do that for me,

you see this estimate?

( Mimics rip )
Gone. I will tear it up.

- I will pay for it myself.
- Let me see if I've got this right.

- Yeah.
- I tell her to stop saying "L.O.L."...

- Yes, it's annoying. Gone.
- ...And you tear up the bill.

- Come on, please. Deal.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, you've got it.
- It's a deal. Thank you so much.

This is-- oh, you've taken
a load off my shoulders,

- let me tell you.
- Hi, Larry.

- Larry: Hey.
- Hi, honey.

Honey, can you get
the rest of the bags?

- Yeah yeah yeah, I'll go get 'em.
- Larry: Okay.

God, that store was so crowded.

- Crowded?
- How are you?

- Not bad.
- Good.

I noticed you were
all alone at the party.

- Oh, you did notice that?
- Yeah. Are you dating?

- No. No.
- Why not?

( Scoffs ) You know what?

A date is an experience
you have with another person

- that makes you appreciate being alone.
- L.O.L.


You-- you like
saying that, don't you?

It's cute, right?

No. Not-- not really.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, if you were gonna laugh out loud,

why aren't you laughing out loud?
Why say it?

- Why not just laugh?
- I am laughing.

That's what that is.
It's me-- that's laughing.

No, you're saying "L.O.L."
You're verbal texting.

Excuse me,
is this your little idea?

Did my pissant husband
tell you to do this?

- No.
- Yes, he did.

- Larry: No, he did not.
- Yes, he did.

- He didn't!
- No, you're in my house,

my kitchen, telling me how I'm
supposed to respond to your jokes?

- Can you believe it? I left the gate open.
- Ron, are you fucking

- out of your mind?
- What are you talking about?

Did you tell him
to come over to me

and tell me how I should
stop saying "L.O.L."?

Did I tell Larry that?
Of course I wouldn't tell Larry that.

- Yes. Oh yes, you would.
- No no no, he's the guy who does this.

Ilene: And you care how
I express myself?

- I think the way you express yourself is like a child.
- That's bullshit.

He said he'd forget about
the money for the car,

which is $573,

if I tell her to stop
saying "L.O.L."

You know, in most countries,

you could get
somebody killed for $573.

I know. By the way,
I was this close

- to telling her the other night.
- You know what you are?

- You're a social assassin.
- Jesus.

- I guess I am, in a way.
- Yeah. How'd it go?

Not too good. As soon as I told her,
she knew Ron had put me up to it,

she started screaming
at him and I just-- I left.

- So you bungled the hit.
- Well, I didn't bungle it.

- I did what I was supposed to do.
- No no, you bungled the hit.

- Why are you saying that?
- She knew.

- That's not my fault.
- It is. Your performance wasn't good enough.

What do you know
out social assassination?

- Nothing!
- I'm the one who named you a social assassin!

- And we don't want you here at the agency anymore.
- ( Both laugh )

- Okay.
- ( Car approaches )

- Jeff: All right, finally.
- There he is.

I cannot believe we talked
him into coming here.

- He's gonna love it. He's gonna love it.
- Yeah, huh.

Shalom. You know,
I thought all last night,

if rabin can
break bread with Arafat,

I can have chicken at
this anti-semitic shithole.

Okay, that's just
not gonna work.

- Yeah, that's no good.
- What's not gonna work?

- The yarmulke.
- Yeah.

I can't go in
wearing this yarmulke?

- No.
- You're shoving it in their faces.

- Let's go in.
- No no no no no no.

- It's far too cocky a move.
- Yeah. Yeah.

What is this,
the raid on Entebbe?

- Let's just kind of walk in casually.
- What?

- Proud Jews wear yarmulkes.
- Yeah. Be proud here in the parking lot.

- Stop it. Just take it off.
- You don't need to be proud in there.

- Let's just go in and sit down.
- It's a cocky move.

- Take it off. Take it off.
- Come on.

- I'm not doing anything--
- Take it off.

- Don't you dare go after--
- Huh? Come on, take it--

don't you reach for that.
Don't you ever touch that.

- No, don't ever grab my yarmulke.
- ( Grunting )

Give it to me!
Don't ever grab my yarmulke, ever.

How dare you?!
Don't ever touch my yarmulke.

- Do you understand?
- What the hell is that?

- We're gonna go eat without you.
- Good. Who needs you?

- Get-- get out of here!
- ( Cheering )

Oh please. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh. Well, hello.

- You're a Jew, yes?
- Yes, I am a Jew.

A big Jew. Big.

A big Jew and you still told
him to take off his Jew cap.

- Yes, I did.
- Thank you, my friend.

- What's your name?
- Labe.

- Labe.
- Son of Nat.

- Son of Nat.
- My friends call me Larry.

- I like you.
- What's not to like?

- Uh, you're a Jew.
- Eh.

My name is Shara.

- Shara.
- Call me.

Let's get some chicken.


- How happy are you right now?
- I'm not gonna have dinner tonight.

It'll pale in comparison.
How can you even have meals after this?

- Oh my God.
- What?

Larry: Eddie and Ilene
just walked in.

Jeff: Eddie and Ilene?
He's cheating on Juliet?

- Holy shit.
- Oh my God!

All right, listen.

Juliet is great friends
with Susie.

If he's cheating on Juliet,
I can't be here to see it.

- What?
- I am out of here.

- What the hell am I gonna do?
- I don't know.

- You're taking the chicken?
- Yes, of course.

What, I'm gonna leave it?

- Hey.
- Hey. Hi.

( Mimics Humphrey bogart ) Out of all
the hummus joints in all the world,

- you had to walk into mine.
- ( Both laugh )

It's great to see you.
And let me just say

I'm sorry about the brownie thing
the other night with Juliet.

- No hard feelings.
- You know, she did say

- "no matter what."
- Yeah yeah yeah, I--

all right, look,

don't say anything
about this, all right?

- ( Chuckles )
- No, don't-- don't say anything about this.

- Don't-- don't worry. I won't say anything.
- All right?

Because you know what?
The only reason we're here together now

is because she had a big
fight with Ron, okay?

So she reached out as a friend.

You know, we always liked each other and
now we like each other a little more.

Maybe a lot more.

So the two of you got together
because of this argument?

Well, there's always been
a lot of tension there,

but let's just say this was the
straw that broke the camel's back.

- I guess I shouldn't say that here.
- What was the argument about?

He doesn't like the way
she keeps saying "L.O.L."

It's a wonderful thing to say.
I love when she says "L.O.L."

That's one of the reasons we're together.
I think it's cool, it's funny.

I think if you didn't want
to sleep with her,

you wouldn't be
so tolerant of that "L.O.L."

Well, that goes without saying,
but look, if Ron finds out,

this could be very awkward.
We won't be able to play

on the same team and then we
won't win the tournament.

If anyone quits,
we're disqualified.

- Okay, don't worry about it. I'm not gonna say a word.
- All right.

- Okay.
- Promise.

In other words, no matter what?

- Huh?
- No matter what.

By the way,
your lunch is on me.

- I already paid for it.
- Even better.

Larry: So then he tells
me the only reason

that they're having this affair

was because of the "L.O.L.
" Thing. I drove her to it.

Well, I'm sure there was other
things that drove her to it too.

No, I was the straw
that broke the camel's back.

- All marriages have straws.
- Right, the camel's carrying a lot of straw.

- That's what a marriage is.
- "L.O.L." Was the final straw.

- "L.O.L." Was the final straw, yes.
- Wow.

I've gotta be careful with this
whole social- assassination thing.

- I'm not taking any more requests.
- Let me tell you something.

If Ron finds out
about Eddie and Ilene,

- tournament over. Done.
- No golf.

- Ron's not gonna play on this team...
- Jeff: Not a chance.

- ...If he's having an affair with his wife.
- Jeff: No way.

Hey, nice pillow.

- Yeah, um--
- You look like Blofeld.

I look like I've got a kitty

and we're making evil plans.

Here, just put it on your lap.

( Car alarm chirps )

Larry, there's something
I want to talk to you about.

I think I know what it is.
I'm sorry about the joke.

- It's obviously not--
- I-- I didn't really care about the joke.

That's not why
I got up and left.

Actually, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about.

I don't know
if you've noticed or not,

every time after my mom
takes a sip of something,

she makes this
really obnoxious sound.

She smacks her lips together
and does this little

"ahh" thing.

- Huh.
- Have you noticed that?

- I have noticed, yeah.
- It's awful.

- "Ahh." Right? Isn't that it?
- It's horrible.

It's humiliating. All of my friends
make fun of me in the morning

when she drops me off.
I just-- I can't take it anymore.

Someone has to tell her to
stop and it has to be you,

because you're the only one
who can stand up to her.

Look, I'm flattered, kid,

that you would consider me for
such a delicate assignment,

but I have
to tell you I'm--

( tisks )
I'm out of that business.

- Ask your father, he'll do it.
- My dad is spineless.

He can't stand up to her.
He's scared of her.

You're the only one
who can do it.

As tempting as it is, kid,

I'm not your man.

But you-- but you--

so I guess you won't be
playing golf on Saturday.

- What are you talking about?
- I couldn't help

but overhear some of the
conversation you were having

with my dad. And it seems if Ron
were to find out about his wife,

then your little golf game
would be called off.

- You would do that?
- Try me.

- All right.
- So you're gonna talk to my mom?

- I'll talk to your mom.
- Good.

Boy, you really are your
mother's daughter, aren't you?

Yeah, now get the fuck out of
my driveway, you bald prick.

Fuck me, you fucking Jew!

- ( Moaning )
- Filthy Jew.

- Filthy Jew.
- Filthy fucking Jew!

You zionist pig.
You occupying fuck.

- Occupy this. Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm an occupier. I'm an occupier.

I'm going to fuck
the Jew out of you.

- Yeah.
- Well, that's not so easy.

You want to fuck me
like Israel fucked my country?

- Show me what you've got!
- This reminds me of something Theodor herzl once said.

- Shalom, L.D.
- ( Shara moaning )

Yeah, take it, Jew.
Take it, Jew.


Fuck me, you Jew bastard!

Fuck me like
Israel fucks my people!

Show me the promised land, huh?

Labe, son of Nat.

Keep my father
out of it, will you?

- You circumcised fuck.
- Oh! Oh!

Larry: "We seek him here,
we seek him there,

those frenchies
seek him everywhere,

is he in heaven, is he in hell?

"That damned
elusive pimpernel."

Look who's here.

Well well.

Martin, Shara.

Shara, Martin.

All right then.
Shall we?

( Door opens )

Good night.

- Problem?
- "Fuck me, Jew bastard"?

Yeah, small price to pay

for the best sex
I've ever had anywhere.

This woman is amazing.

When did you have your orgasm?

When she said she'd fuck
the Jew out of you?

Let me tell you something.
The penis doesn't care

about race, creed and color.

The penis wants
to get to his homeland.

It wants to go home.

I came over here
for another reason.

Rabbi Stein said
that I can't play

in the golf tournament Saturday
because I have to honor the sabbath.

You're koufaxing us?

Well, if you're saying
that your best player

is unable to play because it's the
sabbath, yes, I'm koufaxing you.

So you're gonna have to
get someone else.

The tournament won't
let us get anybody else,

and if you don't play, we all drop out.
It's over for us.

I'm following her lead.
She told me what I have to do.

- I can't play.
- What if I talked to the rabbi?

I'd love you to.
She's in the valley off of Brookhurst.

And if she gives the okay,
would you play?

I'll be there.

Our friendship is
about that much now.

I'll tell you what! If you you don't
play in that golf tournament,

- it's over! How about that?!
- Why don't you go wrap your head in a towel?

You're not even a man anymore!

Mommy rabbi says
don't play, little boy!

Don't you tell me
to get out of your--

hey, you dropped your yarmulke!

Oh my God!
Yarmulke alert!

Oh! Sirens!
Yarmulke on the floor! Oh!

( Slurps ) Mmm.

- Can I have the Weinstein file?
- Oh, I'll get it for you.

And Larry David's here.

- Come on in.
- Oh, well, I came a little early.

- I was gonna finish my lunch.
- Well, that's all right.

- You can finish in my office.
- Okay.

Is that Al-Abbas chicken?

Oh. Yeah.

- That looks delicious.
- Yeah. You don't mind?

- You're sure you don't mind? Huh?
- No. No no, finish your lunch.

You know, I know we have our
problems with these people

but, man, oh man, they know
what they're doing chickenwise.

Well, keep that away
from me no matter what.

- ( Chuckles )
- Okay.

- Give it to me!
- You said, "no matter what"!

- Give me that! Give me that!
- Rabbi! No, let go!

- We are playing so great.
- I'm having a blast.

- Are you? Huh?
- I don't think I've ever played better.

- You haven't missed a fairway.
- Hey, I'm tired of asking.

How did you get
the rabbi to let me play?

- I can't tell you.
- No, please tell me.

All right, let's just say I had
something she really wanted.

You made a trade
with the rabbi?

- Yeah, I made a trade.
- Well, I'm glad you did.

Hey, I just found out
the klein team blew up.

We're four strokes ahead
after this hole.

All we have to do is
finish on 18 and we win.

- It's a lock.
- Fantastic!

- It's a lock.
- We're gonna win a tournament.

We're gonna win a tournament.

- Come on, Larry.
- Jeff: Let's go, daddy-o.

- Funkhouser: No pressure, L.D. All we need is a two-putt.
- Ron: Come on, Larry.

- Jeff.
- Funkhouser: Let's get to 18.

- Okay.
- Funkhouser: Inside left, L.D.

- Relax.
- Ron: Take it.


- Hey, what are you doing?
- What are you doing?

- One second, one second, one second.
- Larry.

- Funkhouser: What's going on?
- What?

I gotta tell you
something. You know,

every time you take a sip...

- Yeah?
- ...You make this noise-- "ahh."

- I'm enjoying it.
- Eh. It's kinda annoying.

- Why are you saying this to me?
- What are you talking about?

- Jeff didn't put you up to this?
- Why are you saying that?

- Of course not.
- 'Cause you're not just gonna interrupt your shot

and come over and say something to
me unless Jeff put you up to it.

- No, he didn't put em up to it.
- Jeff, did you say something?

- I said nothing.
- Susie: Every little thing I do annoy--

- Jeff: Oh, stop it.
- What about when you're eating

- and you're shoveling your fat fucking face?
- I'm hungry!

- Do I ever say a word?
- What do you want from me?

You know what?
Fuck you, don't come home tonight.

- Don't come home?
- Mom!

- I'm sick of your bullshit!
- Mom, mom. Mom, no.

He didn't say it. It was me.
I told Larry to tell you.

You told-- well,
why would he say something?

- I don't believe you.
- 'Cause I told him if he didn't tell you

then I'd say something about Eddie
and Ilene having an affair.

- What?! Eddie and Ilene are having an affair?!
- ( Murmuring )

- You're fucking my husband?!
- Shit.

What? Ilene, are you serious?
This is fucking ridiculous!

This is how you treat a friend?!
Are you fucking kidding me?!

L.O.L., honey! L.O.L.! Fuck you!
You know what? Fuck this whole thing!

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!
- What?

- I'm so sorry, honey!
- Larry: Where you going?

- We've got one hole left!
- Ron: Fuck this game!

- It's a lock! One hole!
- Honey, wait! Come back, come back!

Larry: Come back!
Where you going?!

One more hole!

( Cars honking )

- What's going on?
- We're rerouting traffic for a protest rally--

some palestinian chicken place
opening up next to a deli.

Can you move forward, please?

( All yelling )

Larry! Come!
Join us over here!

Come with us.
You're a Jew.

No, Larry.
Come to this side and I'm yours.

Larry, I'm yours
whenever you want.

- Come over here.
- Larry, you belong with us.

- Come!
- What's the matter? There's no decision.

- Get over here!
- Larry, I have a sister.

You, me and Jasmine--
the three of us.

All right, that's enough!
Just get the fuck over here!

- Just get the fuck over here. Stop being an idiot.
- Shara: Larry.

- Larry, come over here.
- Susie: Larry!

- Don't be a dick.
- Get over here!

- Shara: Don't listen to them!
- Don't be a dick.

- Get over here!
- Shara: Anything you want.

- Larry, anything you want.
- Funkhouser: Get over here.

( Theme music playing )