Crimi Clowns (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Dag, jongens - full transcript
Sometimes things are completely different from what they look like.
'A fashion model is a fashion model' you think, because you know that.
Vanessa for the photo shoot.
A cop is a cop. - Wesley.
You have them in varieties, but basically they are all the same.
Like dogs in a kennel.
Twenty kinds of small...
to large.
From pussy lickers to deadly monsters.
And they all bark, growl and shit in the same way.
You think because you know that. And then...
make a mistake and suddenly you have a problem.
Stay.
Come on, put your pants back on, you're under arrest.
Here: Flower da Silva.
The only photo that was taken of that girl after that...
That's this one.
And suddenly you have a problem.
I have never regretted anything so much in my life.
But we don't plan
to show anything to those two municipal servants.
You're not out of here yet, dude.
I hope you are used to bad food and a hard mattress.
A hard mattress is good for your back.
I was in jail with an accountant who had shit with his taxes.
And a freak who tortured and killed forty dogs nearby...
with a nail gun. All very interesting.
In the interrogation room... - Are we going to play stupid?
I didn't say another word. - Nothing ?
If you keep silent, you make yourself suspicious.
And after three weeks I was out again.
Lack of evidence.
Here, a new car? - Yes.
Chic. - From an old lady
that only drove it on Sundays.
What have you been arrested for? - For dealing and bitches.
Are you back with that Lebanese again?
No, but they reopened that file.
Yes.
When they came to arrest you, they had a search warrant with them.
Did they discover my room? - No, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
And something else?
They've taken all our computers.
But we have everything backed up on hard drives.
They're all back already, with everything back on it.
And besides some porn with animals on Lou's laptop
They won't be able to find anything that hasn't been approved by the association without a name.
And they haven't seen the warehouse either?
No.
And how is Amber ?
She's been in for five days and is sober now.
In that rehab hotel where the sons of Maurice den Druker were also cured.
For two thousand euros a day. - That's not a charity.
And she's still sober? - Yes.
Are you sure?
I call her twice a day and she always picks up.
Ok.
She is putting together a dance performance with a friend.
And do they keep their clothes on?
I hope so, it is something for children of five years old.
We told them you were on a journey, again.
to L.A.
Well, things have changed so much.
What is that ? - A Christmas tree, huh, Wes.
No, in that wheelchair. - A houseplant.
Hey, Lou.
Hi, grandma.
Ah, Weske, how was it in Los Angeles? - Good.
Bad weather I see.
It rains from morning to evening.
And you haven't had any food at all? What did they arrest you for?
Something from a few years back.
drugs ? - Yes.
Do you know what I'm going to prepare tonight?
Celery with balls? - The other.
Vealfrikassee. - Yes.
What is he doing here?
The Jarek dropped him off here. - And why with us?
He has no one else.
The Jos said, "You've screwed him up, you take care of him."
Louke, that was a misunderstanding, we agreed.
Correct. - We were going to forget that.
Completely forgotten, with that short episodic memory.
Is that from a brain contusion?
I don't know, Wes. - Does he shit his pants?
No. Yes. - Yes. Allez ...
If we don't put him on the toilet in time.
But we put him on the pot every three hours and he does exactly what he's supposed to do.
What are you doing now?
Just a small clinical trial.
Come on, Wes.
Wes, leave that.
Wes, done!
What ? He still owed me that.
Broken bridge. - What is he saying ?
Broken bridge. - Broken bridge?
Is that all he says? - No, he says loads of things.
See, see, see.
Jay, Chestnut Tree Square.
Does he say that too? Chestnut Tree Square.
Normally yes, yes. - He's just out of shape today.
No, he's a bit quiet today.
Does he eat alone, can he?
No, we have to feed them. - Each round.
Hela!
Hela!
Chestnut Tree Square.
Chestnut Tree Square!
I find him much more fun than before.
That's the Tyrolienne ambiance here every day.
Are you sure he doesn't understand what we say?
For 99 percent.
Now what is that good for?
I wanted to be one hundred percent sure.
Please don't do that anymore.
I'll try to remember it, Louke, come on.
If you're not there.
Weske, you can be sure, they really did turn off the light there.
Yes, you. - Lou, misunderstanding. Forgot ?
Am I doing it again? - Yes.
That is precisely the case with the Patron, should I forget too,
but that doesn't work so well. That's like: don't think about the crocodile.
Louke, you're overreacting.
Overreacting? - Yes.
Do you mean that now? - Yes.
I shot a god damn hole in his head
a cow can drink water out of that hole
Because you had to fuck his girlfriend.
Or was that also a misunderstanding?
What ? What did he say ?
His kazak is located in the Vrasenebeek.
Do you also want to know who did that?
And who did that?
Fat Michel!
Now you know that as well.
Fat Michel did it.
Lou !
What ? - Here, clown Kaki comes home.
Oh my, clean car.
Got it from daddy. The Spoon has been sold.
Do you already have a new regular restaurant?
At mother Tersago. Speciality: celery with balls.
And every Sunday all-you-can-eat veal frikkasee.
Chanel, Vuitton, Gucci, Dior, Hermes, Versace.
Man, man, he hadn't expected me home yet.
Did you get that from daddy too?
From Uncle Ronny, but he doesn't know it yet.
Look, look, her shoes.
Come on, dude!
I can't see the new ones she was wearing.
That's quite a funny one. - Goddamnit.
And now she's going to hide everything in the dresser.
Uh-oh.
Hela!
Hi, hello, hi, Lou.
hello. - Wesley, hi.
Hey, honey.
How was Hollywood ?
That was cool, that David Beckham is a nice guy.
Johnny Depp really is an asshole. - Did you really see him there?
Yes, know what is most disappointing?
Danny DeVito, he's just a head taller than me in real life.
No.
Say, you seem to have let yourself go, didn't you, poes?
Yes, it was nice with Lindsey, we went for lunch in the Bourla.
Guys, leave us alone for a moment.
What did that cost?
Say.
Katia.
If you steal another credit card, I'll kick you out.
Well, then you know what's happening. - What ?
If you have nothing to do with it,
Why can't I report his disappearance to the police?
Because they will come check all sorts of things, I already said that.
I've been damned enough in the media already.
What does one have to do with the other?
Everything, dumb cunt! - Dumb cunt?
Then hit me, we'll see who's dumb here.
You're crossing the line, dude!
Stand still, stand still, I tell you!
The cat is scratching the curls from the stairs!
Tyrolean atmosphere!
Sorry, are you okay?
Is everything alright ?
Have I hurt you ? That was not the intention.
Sorry, we don't do that anymore, sorry. okay ?
Act normal ! Let me go ! - My Visa card! Now !
I'll take it!
I'll take it anyway, now calm down.
Here.
It started two weeks ago with just a Gucci wallet,
and it has gotten worse every day.
In the meantime, she has shoes worth at least twenty thousand euros,
bought handbags and clothes.
If it's not for more,
four pairs of Louboutin shoes, do you know what that costs?
Thanks, Lou.
Does she know what happened to the Patron?
No, but she senses from your dad that he's afraid of the cops.
Television how nice, what are we going to do then?
I don't like this. - What, honey?
That you make the guests crazy.
What we're going to do, five minutes of TV.
An interview with you, with me and with Mike.
Don't be so sad, Lou. That's what they asked.
That's not illogical, is it, Lou, the boss and the two new actors.
Wouldn't you do better without me altogether?
Are we going to start like this?
Wouldn't that work, do you think?
Oh boy, I don't care anymore.
Okay, you're not coming?
No ? Bye, Lou! Come on, guys.
Hello Hello !
hello, dear friends, very good of you to watch, because today will be
really a great episode!
We have... - Joy, Joy, may I say it?
Come on, you say it, Arno.
Boys and girls, we have three real clowns in our studio here today.
Yes ! - Life was so beautiful, my love.
When you told me I love you
Life was too short, my love.
I don't want to live
without you.
Clown Norry, how do you actually become a clown?
By paying attention in class.
By not watching too much television or playing video games.
And by eating an apple every day. - Really and truly ?
No.
Mini Mike, have you always dreamed of becoming a clown?
Ever since I was little.
And then of course we also have Clown Kaki.
Kaki, what a funny name. - Yes thank you.
And how did you get it?
Well, my real name is Katia, we made it Kaki.
You see, not every clown is funny.
Say, can anyone become a clown?
No.
For example, could I become a clown?
Arno, you are already a clown.
No, boy, you're the one crossing the line everytime.
You'd better start taking your Ritalin again and cut the coke.
Look who's talking, drink a quick vodka or four, then you have something to do.
Loser.
I only know one bigger bitch than you and that's your mother.
Do you really think you can still hit me with that?
I only know one bigger bitch than you and that's your ex.
Arno. - Yes.
Can I ask something? - Sure.
Do you sometimes do live presentations? - Yeah, what kind of thing?
Movie premiere.
One thousand five hundred euros for the two of us.
I want you alone. I think your madam is too busy.
Yes. You are not alone.
I just heard them say something about coke.
coke ? Our Joy?
I have the best there is, 50 euros per gram.
How many percent? - Ninety.
No...
5 gram.
So that went well, huh. - Did you think so?
Yes, right?
You know what I thought was a really good piece?
The moment you are explaining how you got the name Kaki.
Really, hilarious. - Thank you.
Go get a parking ticket at the counter, I still need to speak to someone.
Bye, Michael.
Clown Norry, are you okay? - Yes, ça va, mate.
Yes. And did you like it with our Joy and Arno?
Absolutely, those are sweethearts.
Say, what I've been wondering...
When will our clip be in the hit list?
Which song was that? - Clap your hands.
I don't believe the editors selected that.
How come ?
I'll ask, but I didn't see that in the playlist right away.
It's played nonstop on the radio though?
Not yet on our channels, I believe.
Radio 2 and all that. - Yes.
Who do I have to contact for that? - The programming people.
names ? - Arnaud, Roel...
Yes, rings a bell. They received a CD and an MP3.
When ?
About three weeks ago.
Yes, then I'm afraid it didn't make it into the playlist.
What did you think of our show? - Good.
But our song and our clip? - Mr. Norry.
It's Ronny. Sir, is what my father was.
Ronny, I don't decide on that.
Perhaps you can put in a good word for us, at the Roelandt.
Yes, yes, absolutely... Jan! That Justin Bieber promo?
Esther van Def Jam has sent an email about this.
Hold on, Michael will come right away. - Oh, okay.
Hello, Jan.
Michael, I think you're a really cool guy.
If you get our song in the hit list.
Here, and there is more where that came from.
No, I can't accept this.
All right. Then have another one.
Sorry, that's not how it works here.
No, only for the big record companies, right.
Also not. - I've heard something else, though.
Then not about me.
You just leave that money, you shake my hand,
you say: Bye, clown Norry. I go outside and we keep quiet about it.
I don't want your money, and your song won't be played.
Ok, Michael.
Come on, boy.
Good day.
And, are they going to put our clip on the charts now?
They are still thinking about it. - That it always has to take this long.
With ten to beat an egg.
Those guys don't have shit to say.
Jeez, what a hassle.
You used to have Jos Van Oosterwyck,
if he liked your song, you were guaranteed success.
The Jos.
Hè, dad? - Absolutely.
Fuck, I forgot to put the Jay outside today.
If he's inside for too long, he becomes way too stressed.
And grandma gets nervous about that, and then she gets mad at me.
And you just put him outside? - Yes.
An hour or two and only if the weather is nice.
He looks content. -Look, he's whistling.
He likes to sit here, last time a bird had pooped on its head.
Funny.
This isn't what I think it is, right.
Wesley, Ronny, Katia, if you see this, I'll be all right.
Katia, this is a cute little instrument for a cute girl.
Wesley, you thought she was beautiful, I know, and she goes well with your black room.
Ronny, you've talked about this for a long time.
In the end you still gave them.
Against your will, but still. I appreciate that.
That's for the funeral.
Damn, he's not joking!
Wes! - Yes.
I think he did it with pills.
Don't cremate, Ronny, that's what I'm afraid of.
He once told me that he thinks about it sometimes.
And let Rachel choose the coffin.
To me too. - Then she's definitely not too sober.
I fucking laughed at him.
I say: pills that's something for a woman.
A guy shoots his own hole through his head.
I hope they don't have to scratch his brain off the wall.
And no pop music, classical. Mahler and Ravel, you know which one.
Bye, guys.
Lou !
Louke!
Wesley !
Fuck !
Lou !
'A fashion model is a fashion model' you think, because you know that.
Vanessa for the photo shoot.
A cop is a cop. - Wesley.
You have them in varieties, but basically they are all the same.
Like dogs in a kennel.
Twenty kinds of small...
to large.
From pussy lickers to deadly monsters.
And they all bark, growl and shit in the same way.
You think because you know that. And then...
make a mistake and suddenly you have a problem.
Stay.
Come on, put your pants back on, you're under arrest.
Here: Flower da Silva.
The only photo that was taken of that girl after that...
That's this one.
And suddenly you have a problem.
I have never regretted anything so much in my life.
But we don't plan
to show anything to those two municipal servants.
You're not out of here yet, dude.
I hope you are used to bad food and a hard mattress.
A hard mattress is good for your back.
I was in jail with an accountant who had shit with his taxes.
And a freak who tortured and killed forty dogs nearby...
with a nail gun. All very interesting.
In the interrogation room... - Are we going to play stupid?
I didn't say another word. - Nothing ?
If you keep silent, you make yourself suspicious.
And after three weeks I was out again.
Lack of evidence.
Here, a new car? - Yes.
Chic. - From an old lady
that only drove it on Sundays.
What have you been arrested for? - For dealing and bitches.
Are you back with that Lebanese again?
No, but they reopened that file.
Yes.
When they came to arrest you, they had a search warrant with them.
Did they discover my room? - No, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
And something else?
They've taken all our computers.
But we have everything backed up on hard drives.
They're all back already, with everything back on it.
And besides some porn with animals on Lou's laptop
They won't be able to find anything that hasn't been approved by the association without a name.
And they haven't seen the warehouse either?
No.
And how is Amber ?
She's been in for five days and is sober now.
In that rehab hotel where the sons of Maurice den Druker were also cured.
For two thousand euros a day. - That's not a charity.
And she's still sober? - Yes.
Are you sure?
I call her twice a day and she always picks up.
Ok.
She is putting together a dance performance with a friend.
And do they keep their clothes on?
I hope so, it is something for children of five years old.
We told them you were on a journey, again.
to L.A.
Well, things have changed so much.
What is that ? - A Christmas tree, huh, Wes.
No, in that wheelchair. - A houseplant.
Hey, Lou.
Hi, grandma.
Ah, Weske, how was it in Los Angeles? - Good.
Bad weather I see.
It rains from morning to evening.
And you haven't had any food at all? What did they arrest you for?
Something from a few years back.
drugs ? - Yes.
Do you know what I'm going to prepare tonight?
Celery with balls? - The other.
Vealfrikassee. - Yes.
What is he doing here?
The Jarek dropped him off here. - And why with us?
He has no one else.
The Jos said, "You've screwed him up, you take care of him."
Louke, that was a misunderstanding, we agreed.
Correct. - We were going to forget that.
Completely forgotten, with that short episodic memory.
Is that from a brain contusion?
I don't know, Wes. - Does he shit his pants?
No. Yes. - Yes. Allez ...
If we don't put him on the toilet in time.
But we put him on the pot every three hours and he does exactly what he's supposed to do.
What are you doing now?
Just a small clinical trial.
Come on, Wes.
Wes, leave that.
Wes, done!
What ? He still owed me that.
Broken bridge. - What is he saying ?
Broken bridge. - Broken bridge?
Is that all he says? - No, he says loads of things.
See, see, see.
Jay, Chestnut Tree Square.
Does he say that too? Chestnut Tree Square.
Normally yes, yes. - He's just out of shape today.
No, he's a bit quiet today.
Does he eat alone, can he?
No, we have to feed them. - Each round.
Hela!
Hela!
Chestnut Tree Square.
Chestnut Tree Square!
I find him much more fun than before.
That's the Tyrolienne ambiance here every day.
Are you sure he doesn't understand what we say?
For 99 percent.
Now what is that good for?
I wanted to be one hundred percent sure.
Please don't do that anymore.
I'll try to remember it, Louke, come on.
If you're not there.
Weske, you can be sure, they really did turn off the light there.
Yes, you. - Lou, misunderstanding. Forgot ?
Am I doing it again? - Yes.
That is precisely the case with the Patron, should I forget too,
but that doesn't work so well. That's like: don't think about the crocodile.
Louke, you're overreacting.
Overreacting? - Yes.
Do you mean that now? - Yes.
I shot a god damn hole in his head
a cow can drink water out of that hole
Because you had to fuck his girlfriend.
Or was that also a misunderstanding?
What ? What did he say ?
His kazak is located in the Vrasenebeek.
Do you also want to know who did that?
And who did that?
Fat Michel!
Now you know that as well.
Fat Michel did it.
Lou !
What ? - Here, clown Kaki comes home.
Oh my, clean car.
Got it from daddy. The Spoon has been sold.
Do you already have a new regular restaurant?
At mother Tersago. Speciality: celery with balls.
And every Sunday all-you-can-eat veal frikkasee.
Chanel, Vuitton, Gucci, Dior, Hermes, Versace.
Man, man, he hadn't expected me home yet.
Did you get that from daddy too?
From Uncle Ronny, but he doesn't know it yet.
Look, look, her shoes.
Come on, dude!
I can't see the new ones she was wearing.
That's quite a funny one. - Goddamnit.
And now she's going to hide everything in the dresser.
Uh-oh.
Hela!
Hi, hello, hi, Lou.
hello. - Wesley, hi.
Hey, honey.
How was Hollywood ?
That was cool, that David Beckham is a nice guy.
Johnny Depp really is an asshole. - Did you really see him there?
Yes, know what is most disappointing?
Danny DeVito, he's just a head taller than me in real life.
No.
Say, you seem to have let yourself go, didn't you, poes?
Yes, it was nice with Lindsey, we went for lunch in the Bourla.
Guys, leave us alone for a moment.
What did that cost?
Say.
Katia.
If you steal another credit card, I'll kick you out.
Well, then you know what's happening. - What ?
If you have nothing to do with it,
Why can't I report his disappearance to the police?
Because they will come check all sorts of things, I already said that.
I've been damned enough in the media already.
What does one have to do with the other?
Everything, dumb cunt! - Dumb cunt?
Then hit me, we'll see who's dumb here.
You're crossing the line, dude!
Stand still, stand still, I tell you!
The cat is scratching the curls from the stairs!
Tyrolean atmosphere!
Sorry, are you okay?
Is everything alright ?
Have I hurt you ? That was not the intention.
Sorry, we don't do that anymore, sorry. okay ?
Act normal ! Let me go ! - My Visa card! Now !
I'll take it!
I'll take it anyway, now calm down.
Here.
It started two weeks ago with just a Gucci wallet,
and it has gotten worse every day.
In the meantime, she has shoes worth at least twenty thousand euros,
bought handbags and clothes.
If it's not for more,
four pairs of Louboutin shoes, do you know what that costs?
Thanks, Lou.
Does she know what happened to the Patron?
No, but she senses from your dad that he's afraid of the cops.
Television how nice, what are we going to do then?
I don't like this. - What, honey?
That you make the guests crazy.
What we're going to do, five minutes of TV.
An interview with you, with me and with Mike.
Don't be so sad, Lou. That's what they asked.
That's not illogical, is it, Lou, the boss and the two new actors.
Wouldn't you do better without me altogether?
Are we going to start like this?
Wouldn't that work, do you think?
Oh boy, I don't care anymore.
Okay, you're not coming?
No ? Bye, Lou! Come on, guys.
Hello Hello !
hello, dear friends, very good of you to watch, because today will be
really a great episode!
We have... - Joy, Joy, may I say it?
Come on, you say it, Arno.
Boys and girls, we have three real clowns in our studio here today.
Yes ! - Life was so beautiful, my love.
When you told me I love you
Life was too short, my love.
I don't want to live
without you.
Clown Norry, how do you actually become a clown?
By paying attention in class.
By not watching too much television or playing video games.
And by eating an apple every day. - Really and truly ?
No.
Mini Mike, have you always dreamed of becoming a clown?
Ever since I was little.
And then of course we also have Clown Kaki.
Kaki, what a funny name. - Yes thank you.
And how did you get it?
Well, my real name is Katia, we made it Kaki.
You see, not every clown is funny.
Say, can anyone become a clown?
No.
For example, could I become a clown?
Arno, you are already a clown.
No, boy, you're the one crossing the line everytime.
You'd better start taking your Ritalin again and cut the coke.
Look who's talking, drink a quick vodka or four, then you have something to do.
Loser.
I only know one bigger bitch than you and that's your mother.
Do you really think you can still hit me with that?
I only know one bigger bitch than you and that's your ex.
Arno. - Yes.
Can I ask something? - Sure.
Do you sometimes do live presentations? - Yeah, what kind of thing?
Movie premiere.
One thousand five hundred euros for the two of us.
I want you alone. I think your madam is too busy.
Yes. You are not alone.
I just heard them say something about coke.
coke ? Our Joy?
I have the best there is, 50 euros per gram.
How many percent? - Ninety.
No...
5 gram.
So that went well, huh. - Did you think so?
Yes, right?
You know what I thought was a really good piece?
The moment you are explaining how you got the name Kaki.
Really, hilarious. - Thank you.
Go get a parking ticket at the counter, I still need to speak to someone.
Bye, Michael.
Clown Norry, are you okay? - Yes, ça va, mate.
Yes. And did you like it with our Joy and Arno?
Absolutely, those are sweethearts.
Say, what I've been wondering...
When will our clip be in the hit list?
Which song was that? - Clap your hands.
I don't believe the editors selected that.
How come ?
I'll ask, but I didn't see that in the playlist right away.
It's played nonstop on the radio though?
Not yet on our channels, I believe.
Radio 2 and all that. - Yes.
Who do I have to contact for that? - The programming people.
names ? - Arnaud, Roel...
Yes, rings a bell. They received a CD and an MP3.
When ?
About three weeks ago.
Yes, then I'm afraid it didn't make it into the playlist.
What did you think of our show? - Good.
But our song and our clip? - Mr. Norry.
It's Ronny. Sir, is what my father was.
Ronny, I don't decide on that.
Perhaps you can put in a good word for us, at the Roelandt.
Yes, yes, absolutely... Jan! That Justin Bieber promo?
Esther van Def Jam has sent an email about this.
Hold on, Michael will come right away. - Oh, okay.
Hello, Jan.
Michael, I think you're a really cool guy.
If you get our song in the hit list.
Here, and there is more where that came from.
No, I can't accept this.
All right. Then have another one.
Sorry, that's not how it works here.
No, only for the big record companies, right.
Also not. - I've heard something else, though.
Then not about me.
You just leave that money, you shake my hand,
you say: Bye, clown Norry. I go outside and we keep quiet about it.
I don't want your money, and your song won't be played.
Ok, Michael.
Come on, boy.
Good day.
And, are they going to put our clip on the charts now?
They are still thinking about it. - That it always has to take this long.
With ten to beat an egg.
Those guys don't have shit to say.
Jeez, what a hassle.
You used to have Jos Van Oosterwyck,
if he liked your song, you were guaranteed success.
The Jos.
Hè, dad? - Absolutely.
Fuck, I forgot to put the Jay outside today.
If he's inside for too long, he becomes way too stressed.
And grandma gets nervous about that, and then she gets mad at me.
And you just put him outside? - Yes.
An hour or two and only if the weather is nice.
He looks content. -Look, he's whistling.
He likes to sit here, last time a bird had pooped on its head.
Funny.
This isn't what I think it is, right.
Wesley, Ronny, Katia, if you see this, I'll be all right.
Katia, this is a cute little instrument for a cute girl.
Wesley, you thought she was beautiful, I know, and she goes well with your black room.
Ronny, you've talked about this for a long time.
In the end you still gave them.
Against your will, but still. I appreciate that.
That's for the funeral.
Damn, he's not joking!
Wes! - Yes.
I think he did it with pills.
Don't cremate, Ronny, that's what I'm afraid of.
He once told me that he thinks about it sometimes.
And let Rachel choose the coffin.
To me too. - Then she's definitely not too sober.
I fucking laughed at him.
I say: pills that's something for a woman.
A guy shoots his own hole through his head.
I hope they don't have to scratch his brain off the wall.
And no pop music, classical. Mahler and Ravel, you know which one.
Bye, guys.
Lou !
Louke!
Wesley !
Fuck !
Lou !