Crimi Clowns (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Grosso modo nihil - full transcript

Welcome again to the Crimi Clowns club.

And also in this episode Clown Norry and Papa Lou guarantee

a hearty portion of jokes and pranks.

But as you already know, no smile without a tear.

That morning our Clowns were already busy

when suddenly the bell rang.

Hello.

Yes?

Wim Leblanc and Ingrid.

Who ?

Ingrid and Wim Leblanc from Mont Blanc. - Mont what?



The Mont Blanc event agency. The Wim and Ingrid.

Oh, that Wim and Ingrid.

What are they coming for?

Sit down, want a coffee?

No thanks.

One mocha, please. - Louke.

Yes. - A mocha for the misses.

Yes. Come on, honey.

Is there a problem, Wim?

You can call it that.

What are you doing here?

What do you mean? - Do you think thats funny, that nasty shit?

Do you think you can make a comeback with this?

First of all: you better calm down, eh, Wim.



And second, what the hell are you talking about?

Ronny, dude, listen up. - Chill. Quiet, Wim.

That photo will probably cost us a whole year of work.

Of Rachel?

Of you. - Where ?

On the site, Ronny.

What ?

Now kiss my balls.

Now kiss my balls.

Come on, dude. Lou.

Oh dear. - When was that ?

You didn't do this, or what?

No of course not. What did you think?

But this time I'm not going to leave it, Ronny.

Or you really think I don't have any ugly naked pictures of you?

You put my ex's naked tits on the web?

Ingridje, how many gigs have been canceled already?

Seven out of thirty.

eight. The Allaerts. With your hottest voice, huh, honey.

Mont Blanc, with Ingrid.

Yes...

But no.

Yes of course.

If possible. Please ?

Yes. Yes.

God damn it, assholes. - No, absolutely not, Mr Allaerts.

That was just a joke from a jealous competitor.

tasteless. Absolutely, I think so too.

I understand.

That's too bad.

I hope you will remember us next year.

Okay. Mr Allaerts.

No way to fix that. - Fuck, huh.

Can she access our site from her place?

No.

Was she here briefly?

Lou ?

Yesterday. You knew about it, she said.

Okay.

Ronny.

Its's already removed. The photo. - Yes.

What are you going to do? - What do you think?

"Our mother" is in a bad state, huh, kid.

I could never have expected this from your dad.

He's never lifted a finger at me.

Never.

I couldn't have known that Lou had done that and not your dad.

Weren't we gonna do a photo shoot, Wesley?

huh?

Yes, we should do that sometime.

Yes...

Shouting and ranting and berating me for the dirt of the street,

and telling me he was going to destroy me, every day.

I don't even hear it anymore.

But, come on, Weske, hitting our mother...

And you can't do anything about that. That should heal on its own.

You should lay some steak on it.

Some steak ? I don't believe that.

That children's party tomorrow in Brasschaat, has that been cancelled?

No. - Fuck.

Why fuck? - I'm sick of kids' parties.

Is it here? - Yes.

Those are Dutch people. - No no.

Yes. Just look at the license plates.

Goddamnit.

Lou.

That's a fucking Dutchhouse.

Wim didn't say anything about that.

Aren't we performing for the Dutch? - Yes, but not for 500 euros.

Come on, dude, look at that.

There is more money here than in the National Bank

and we're going to sweat ourselves for 500 euros.

Yes, Ronny. - Wim, those are cheeseheads.

Yes?

We didn't do that for 500 euros anymore, did we?

Or will they pay the rest in cash?

What do you mean?

Behind our backs? To you.

No no. Wait. Where is it exactly?

In Brasschaat, just behind my corner.

Correct. De Jongh.

Didn't I say that? They have already paid an advance of 1,000 euros.

And the balance is yours. Another 500.

Wim. Your mother. - My mother ?

it's nothing. Bye, Wim.

He was going to trick us into it. The postcard.

Your mother ?

"Your mother is a whore."

Oh, so.

Hola.

Dad, look.

Orange above.

Not afraid of the dog, are you, Mike?

Heyhey... You can come in, you know.

I'm starting to get a little excited about it now.

Welcome everyone. Here they are, the craziest clowns in the world.

Clown Norry, Clown Papa Lou.

Hello, hello, everyone. - Hello.

Come on in, we'll start.

This is Norry.

And this is Papalou.

And there's Mini Mike.

Hallooo.

Hello, hello, boys and girls, mommies and daddies.

How are you ?

1, 2, 3...

Are you finished already?

Half an hour was the deal? - Really ?

Just add another fifteen minutes. Look, new guests are just arriving.

That won't work, we have another performance right away.

Oh, that's a bummer.

Yes, we think so too. Can I pay now?

What did you say ? - 500 euro.

Oh. Well, De Jongh takes care of that. - De Jongh?

My husband. But he's giving a tour of the house right now, for some guests.

Madame, where can we remove our makeup?

Clean our face.

Oh. You can use the garage.

Is there running water there?

Yes, but keep it a little tidy. Good ?

fuck. Come on, look now.

I stepped in shit.

Come on, dude.

And it's still fresh, it smells like that.

Leave that door closed.

Come on, I'm starting to feel sick.

Yes, of course you are closer to that than we are.

Come on, does anyone have a stick?

Here look. Who's here. The Pookie.

What now ? Do you have to poop again?

That's not allowed. What did mommy say?

You have to keep it tidy here.

Come along with Uncle Ronny.

What are you going to do now?

Old school dog school.

Guys, I think we should come back here again.

No.

With the night shift.

Within two weeks we'll empty this place.

That's a different kind of deal.

Okay.

Yes, yes.

Mike, do you have your scanner with you? - All the time.

Check the central alarm,

the magnetic contacts and the motion detectors.

Lou, the garden, the ventilation grilles, the cameras outside...

The fence. - Absolutely.

Wes, we'll do the fuse boxes.

It's god damn loose.

500 euro.

I don't have that in my pocket right now, but I'll make sure it's in your bank account on Monday.

I don't think that's the deal.

Yes, sir, I'm sorry. But I just don't have it at home. Will be alright.

I don't know about that.

Here, this here.

I think it's worth 150 euros.

Take a look around, huh. - I'll take this.

And I'll take this.

Guys, I think this is the cupboard with ten-euro things.

Okay.

We'll fix this. Okay ?

Those 500 euros appeared quickly, huh?

Behold, behold, the Pookie.

The luck.

Katia Mermowitz. Part two.

Katia, what is your biggest dream?

I want to be an R&B singer and an actress.

Like ?

Like Beyoncé, Rihanna, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill,

Alicia Keys, Whitney Houston...

Those are all negroes.

I hadn't looked at it that way yet.

ewold. room light.

Okay, Wesley. It is indeed. That's our level.

Okay...

What's the custom here?

Three month trial. - Why ?

To make sure she doesn't get tired of it after a few weeks.

At full pay?

No. Half pay. - Why ?

Because we have to style her, make costumes, learn new moves.

Monica is a top choreographer, Wesley.

Durga, I'm not talking about your act.

But Monica, that's folk dance group Jan Pierewit compared to Flower.

And styling, come on.

Lingerie with wings and some feathers on her tits.

You don't know what you're saying, Wesley.

Come on, honey, we're out of here.

Wesley ?

hey. - Hey, brother.

sweetie. - Hey, sweetie.

Hey, Wesley. - Hey, Corinne.

Corientje. - Flowers.

Bye, sis.

I got hired in The Heaven. - Yes ?

Oh, I'm going to miss you.

Then come along.

The Heaven is really cool.

But I really can't do that. That's my daddy's clubhouse.

Hasn't he gotten over that yet?

All his mates are regulars at the Heaven. That really doesn't work.

The Heaven. I thought that was fantastic. But Durga...

Do you have a problem with lesbians?

A little.

Corientje, baby. Showtime.

Alonzo, buddy.

Hey, Wesley. What's up ? - All good, buddy.

What are you going to do with that? - Earn a lot of money.

There is nothing to earn with porn. - No porn.

snuff movies? - Crazy.

What are snuff movies?

Movies of real murders. - Ewwwww, guys.

Villa Tersago, Brasschaat. Friday Nov 18.

My dad was still active in the late 70's

in the revolutionary workers' league.

And Lou, on the anarchist front.

We may therefore surmise that they have a certain aversion to capitalism.

Phillipe DeRuyter.

Phillipe De Ruyter for Mr Tersago.

That's our bank manager and...

that doesn't really click.

First home visit.

I got a few questions from the credit committee.

If you drop me now, it will stop. - I can only do what I can do.

It won't work between us, fuck off.

Then we will use our mortgage mandate.

Are you going to take my home? Out of my house, dude.

After a less successful conversation with the bank

the credit committee has drawn up a proposal for a settlement.

Second home visit...

and a hostile takeover proposal.

And how's it going, Ronny?

It's okay.

And at film school, Wesley? - good.

And with your daughter?

Our Amber?

She's doing well in Leuven.

What is she studying now? - Law.

Wow, a lawyer in the family.

Yeah, they're not all clowns here, are they, Phillipe.

You forgot to ask about the dog.

Ah yes. How's he? - We don't have a dog.

But let's talk business.

So what we have worked out with the credit committee...

Watch out... It's a proposition, okay. - Sure.

Sorry.

Clown Norry BVBA, De Rode Neus vzw and Clowns for Sick Children....

And when that bomb explodes,

The whole thing legit explodes.

OKay. That's about it.

That's about it?

Grosso modo. - Yes.

I know the global idea seems a bit harsh, but yeah...

the situation is very problematic.

And the odds that the credit commission will backtrack on this is...

Small.

Small...

Small...

Yeah... I don't know, man.

What do you think, Lou? Roughly speaking?

I don't think that's fair play of the bank.

No. Me neither.

I...

I don't think we agree with that.

What do you mean ?

More or less ?

Yes.

Nothing.

More or less nothing?

Yes.

And how am I supposed to see that?

shhhh. shut up.

Do you have him in frame, Wes? - Yes.

Make sure you're paying attention. I want the moment when he breaks his neck.

You see, perhaps the committee still wants to revise their proposal.

It never hurts to put in a good word, does it?

We prefer not to put that film on the web. But if we must...

It's for a good cause, of course. - Phillipe.

Class, Lou.

Yes, I thought so too.

Villa Tersago, Brasschaat. Friday night, November 18, almost 12 noon.

No, Patron, that's not true. I swear to you. You're imagining things.

I don't understand how they are allowed to call from prison for this long.

That Ronny ratted you? Where did you get that now?

How dare you ? He is your best friend.

No... The last time was the night you were arrested.

And I haven't seen Ronny since.

What ? Where did you get that from now?

Hello ?

Damn...

Any clue when they will release him?

They're keeping him there for at least another week. For... what was it again?

Recalcitrance ? - Yes.

If you don't want to listen, you have to feel.

And he thinks we're in a relationship.

People start imagining the craziest things in jail.

Yes.

Wes, we're going to start the night shift, huh, buddy.

Yep.

Will you leave me all alone? - Yes.

Ronny.

Ronny, I'm not feeling so well, can't I come?

What did we agree on about that, kitty?

Well, what time are you home?

And what did we agree on about that?

Okay, I love you. - Love you too.

Crazy, isn't it?

Wow.

That's Flower.

She wouldn't have to ask me twice.

I think you'll be out of luck. That's Wesley's babe.

Come on, dude. - Yep.

Hey baby. - Hey. hello, tiger.

Here look. - Bye, Ronny.

baby.

This is the Lou. - Hello.

Oh my, it was good. - Thanks.

And this is our Mike. - Helaba.

You have to be careful with the Mike

That is a real charmer, plays the women's maternal instincts.

I think he's cute. - see, it already started.

she wouldn't have to ask me twice either.

I think you're out of luck again, Mike.

That's Axana'ke the Siberian Tiger. She's already reserved.

By who ?

We're going to smoke a cigarette.

Weske, does it have to stay on here, for much longer?