Crimi Clowns (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Jefke 90 - full transcript
The Tersago clan worries about Jay, who survived being thrown from a highway bridge in front of a Mercedes so he's hospitalized with fence Jos at his bedside. Beat cop André enjoys tauting them, arresting Ronny for public urination. Wesley tries to mediate between his parents, who rival in accusing each-other of infidelity and dirty tricks. The clowns' 90th birthday booking becomes absurd as the party boy has just died, yet payment is collected. dwarf Mike proves himself, to Lou's envy.
Sunday evening, November 6, 2011.
Burglary in the Saturn in Wilrijk.
God damn it, Wesley. What are you doing now?
Bullshit with the alarm.
Monday morning,
the million dollar question.
What the hell happened to Jay?
What do you think?
Do you regret it?
New. - Quit crying. Let's go to the hookers.
Wow.
Durga.
Villa Tersago, Brasschaat.
Tuesday morning, 8 november. Seven fifteen.
Still life, called 'Black on black'.
This is Flower, the most beautiful flower in daddy's Garden,
favorite whorehouse of yours truly.
Shooting day 3 of "Crimi Clowns".
My father's toys.
Still life, called 'Nightlife'.
Perpetrator without a trace.
I think I miss your sister.
Then call her.
She pushes me away.
With a disposable phone.
Do you see Amber often?
Every now and then.
The heroin farmer.
Wesley.
You okay? - I have stomach cramps and a headache.
Clammy and cold. We can't complain.
Hey, tiger.
Hello my monkey. - How are you ?
Have you brought my sweets?
Flower, baby, they're ready. - Hey, buddy.
Hey, Wesley, everything good? - All right, boy.
Showtime.
No.
Have you thought about rehab yet?
Slowly yeah.
That doesn't exist.
Don't look at me like that.
Do you still talk to dad about me?
No.
Does Amber sometimes ask about me? - No.
I wish I could go back home, but...
I can't stand his whining anymore.
Do you think I've been too strict with her?
No.
You were always allowed everything and I wasn't.
Because you go to film school.
are you still going?
Not since the summer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have whined about degrees that much.
But I have a diploma, right?
Not for ballet, Wesley, for law.
Wesley, that's daddy's fault.
Daddy didn't let her dance. And when you are told no, you will want to do the opposite.
And why not ? - Wes...
Little Amber, child, you're up soon. - Yes.
You can still easily quit right now. - Easily...
You'll be done with it in five days.
And daddy doesn't even need to know that you've been using the syringe.
I could be your buddy. I know what I'm talking about.
sssjjt. You can whine just as much as dad.
Yes, guys...
How are they ?
Big party, honey.
So you see, dear tv-viewing children,
to what a joint after school can lead to.
So far for now our dark chronicle, about the talented beautiful girl
that plunges into recklessness through the specter of addiction.
Good morning.
Is it okay if I go for a swim? - Go ahead.
What's wrong ? You look like you just saw a ghost?
I thought I brought a little blondie home.
haha. That's mine.
Man, that's some pretty stuff.
Do you want to see something?
The Sunday night on the bridge? - Cool, man.
You are sick, dude.
No, I'm creating a masterpiece.
Come on, the best is yet to come.
It makes me sick and you're watching it for fun.
What kind of a sicko are you?
kiss my balls, right now.
What does it say?
That we stole 700,000 euros worth of stuff.
They're fucking trying to get half a mill out of the insurance, by cheating.
No shot Jay. I don't get it.
When Rudi Kojak shot himself in the face, in the toilet at the Shamrock,
it didn't make the news.
But that was the day after 9/11, nothing else made it to the news then.
And he wasn't in it either.
He pulled through for another week. With a hole through his head.
Maybe Jay isn't up to it yet either?
Come on, Wesley, what more can a man do?
Maybe that white Mercedes drove off.
Was that driver scared?
For ? - Not up to date with his insurances.
I wouldn't dare doing it, like those guys who drive around uninsured.
Maybe he packed what's left of Jay in his suitcase.
Or hid it in the bushes.
Maybe we should go check it out ?
There went clown Norry, confused and stressed out.
In distraught battle with the elements.
Through torrential rains and gusts of wind.
gusts of wind.
Along the E19 between Antwerp and Breda.
Antwerp and Breda.
Searching for the remains of what was once a dear friend.
Nothing, young.
Dad.
God damn it, Wesley. Piss, dude.
Ah, Ronny. wesley.
André De Polies ? Did he say that?
André De Polies was a good friend. Nothing more.
You shouldn't believe everything your father says.
Annoyed?
Yes.
You're not hungover from last night, right?
I wouldn't tell you if I was, André.
blow, blow,
Keep going, keep going, keep going
Okay.
That's disappointing, isn't it?
car papers.
André de Polies?
I went to bed with that one, yes. That's right.
But at that time your father and his mates had already been in Thailand for two weeks.
And that wasn't for diving, was it, Wesley.
One week. - Huh ?
Not two weeks, one week.
One week, yes. That's right.
urinating in public?
Is that something new?
That is as old as the streets are and it costs 250 euros.
250 euros ? That's all? Come on, dude.
If it's only that much, I'll come piss here everyday.
I don't think so. I'll put you in jail. - Seriously ?
Yes. I've seen your dick. - Seriously ?
No. But who will prove it?
Come on, dude, you're going to fuck me over?
I will try, Ronny. Just try, okay
So you'll be world famous in Flanders as the Clown who touches young women.
And for public defamation.
Man, that's going to be fun. Say, what is it, Wesley?
Are you going to take a picture, or what? cheese.
Click.
Wesley, I don't see André anymore. He's lying, your dad.
Then why is his bicycle standing here in the hallway?
His bicycle?
André's bicycle in the hallway doesn't mean he lives here does it?
I'm always the bad guy. But he's a saint, isn't he?
The bastard, god damn it.
We'll get revenge, won't we, Wesley? - Yes.
Do you have the part where he says he will try to fuck me over on video?
Yes.
Come on, dude, you're going to fuck me over?
I will try, Ronny. Just try, okay
250 euros just because we were pissing. Stupid assholes.
We weren't pissing.
No, but I couldn't say: let's see if that fool that we ran over
and threw off the bridge yesterday, is still crawling around here somewhere.
Was that a hooker?
That little black girl who slept over last night.
No. The daughter of a pharmacist.
We bought a farm together that we are going to renovate
and this summer we are getting married.
Are you still half asleep?
That's Flower. A dancer from the Papa's Garden.
Flower.
Like flour? - Voila.
What does she want? - Nothing. I mean, just a little coke and some Ecstasy.
Okay. - But that's not for everyone.
No no.
You'll stay away from my love, you hear me?
Are you still meditating about Jay?
If he is no longer laying on the floor and he hasn't been brought in anywhere,
then it can only mean one thing.
That bastard packed him in his suitcase.
Which bastard?
That bastard with the white Mercedes driving around uninsured.
Why ?
To make him disappear.
Watch out, it's not easy to make someone disappear.
You don't have to tell me that.
Someone is awake.
No, Lou, still haven't heard from Jay.
I'm not calling for that. - For what then?
Don't you remember? - No.
Think about it.
Remember: rehearsal at two o'clock, ok.
And don't forget that chick. - Chick ?
The chick of the sketch, about the chicken and the pan.
Correct. - Okay. Bye, Lou.
No, no, Lou, no. You wait for him to act like that.
Stand still, Mike.
What ? - Mike, stand still.
Lou, you're too early. Wait. Wait, I say.
God damn it.
No, not with the chicken. With the pan.
But that chicken is also fun.
Lou, we've already talked about that.
A chicken is good for throwing, a pan is good for hitting.
And a chicken won't make my hat go 'tuut'.
Not with that pan either.
Because you don't hit well enough.
Come on, Ronny.
What, "Come on, Ronny"?
God damn it, huh.
asshole.
He's right, isn't he, Lou.
That was right on my nose.
I know.
Fuck.
That little one's got a big neck, Ronny.
That little one is a bomb on the scene, Lou. I've recognized that a while ago
We'll only have bullshit with that.
I only hear one whining, Lou. He will join starting next week.
I don't have any choice?
You've never had any choice, no.
I thought we were partners. - We are partners.
And like most partners, there is one who speaks and one who listens.
Otherwise you'll get shit. Just like it works with couples.
Am I the woman and you the man, or what?
No, you can be the man.
And like most couples, the man has nothing to say.
Oh, this guy is getting himself filmed. Do you think you're Elvis again, or what?
Hello, sweetheart.
Shouldn't you be going back to Holland again? - This is for school, Ma.
Bye, Lou.
Bye, madam. Oh my, you look so good again.
Thanks, Lou. What is it ? Have you fallen off your bicycle again?
No, that's how I always get off.
We need to talk.
Now ? - No. What did you think? Next year ?
Have you got it again?
I expected some more crap from you.
But what you've done now is very low.
But this time I'm not going to let it go, Ronny.
Or do you really believe I don't have any ugly naked pics from you anymore?
Then people will understand how low the bar was.
I need to tell you something, Ronny.
But you must promise me not to get angry.
Come on, dude.
You posted my ex's naked tits on the internet? For what ?
To laugh.
do you see me smiling?
I thought you'd find that funny.
Funny ?
You say I never take any initiative.
Lou, Lou, right. If you weren't so big and strong, Lou...
Then what ?
Then I'd punch you in the face right now.
I believe you.
That I fell for it, I don't even understand that myself.
Those postures that mom is so crazy about, Wes,
that daddy always brought for mommy...
Do you know what those are?
Sorry postures.
Every time he'd slept with someone else,
he came home with such a posture.
'Sorry.'
And I just put that sorry, on top of a closet.
An apology, is what I put on top of my closet.
Yes, 'I can put an apology on my closet'.
At our wedding, Wes, he has tongued my maid of honor
Véronique.
At least ten guys saw it happen.
"It's just lies and jealousy." And I believed that.
Later, I found out he had been having an affair with her, for another year.
Poor mom.
Poor mom.
children's parties. I really don't feel like it right now, okay?
Last time I almost punched the birthdaykid in the face.
I wouldn't do that now, Lou The birthday girl will be turning ninety.
Okay. respect.
Welcome everyone. Here they are, the craziest clowns in the world.
Clown Norry and Clown Papalou.
Hello, hello, everyone.
Hello.
Come on in, we'll start.
This is Norry. - And this is Papalou.
And we bring... a nice show for you.
150 euros.
What do you mean ?
You owe us 150 bucks.
You're not going to charge that, are you?
I'm afraid there's nothing else we can do.
If you had simply canceled, there would have been no problem.
Come on, sir, you can't be serious.
Did you arrange anything else for your father's birthday?
A caterer.
A caterer. And of course you didn't cancel him either?
I did.
But you didn't think it was necessary to cancel us?
Madam, is there somewhere we can change and put remove our makeup?
That lady really thought she could fuck us over, huh?
Here. You still owe another 25.
No, Lou.
You still owe another 25.
Bye, Josh...
Yes.
You don't mean that.
Kiss my balls, right now.
Jay ?
A car accident ? - Yes...
Is it bad?
Yep.
He is in Saint Joseph and he looks like a mummy, said Jos 'the thief'.
Man, man, man ...
That damn bastard is still breathing.
Wes, we need to destroy him ASAP.
Say, where are you? - Yes, Lou. He's not going to run, is he?
And that pocket watch you stole from the bedroom, you may give that aswel
Wesley, snitch. I collect watches.
You collect everything. come.
What can you even do with such a watch?
See what time it is, god damn it.
well. What is it ?
No, Ronny, I think that's pretty. Next time it's your turn again.
That's not the point.
If we go out together, everything will be divided afterwards.
It's been that way for years and that's why we're still on good terms.
You cannot divide a watch.
You're a thief, Lou.
Bold of you to say that.
Ronny, Lou, Wesley. - Jarek.
How's Jay?
Not good.
I'm going to smoke a cigarette. - Yes.
Look now, he just leaves Jos alone.
Yes. Now's the time to kill him.
Wow.
Oh, look here. Here are your buddies.
Oooh, but buddy. What has he done now?
Jumped off the bridge in 't Peerdsbos.
No way?
And run over by a Dutchman with a Mercedes.
Oh man, Jay my guy, poor soul.
Can he hear us?
Yes. - But he can't speak yet?
Ofcourse not, with that tube in his mouth.
And if you take that tube out? - Then he can't breathe.
For real?
That machine breathes for him.
Seriously ?
It's as if he's trying to say something, look at his eye.
Burglary in the Saturn in Wilrijk.
God damn it, Wesley. What are you doing now?
Bullshit with the alarm.
Monday morning,
the million dollar question.
What the hell happened to Jay?
What do you think?
Do you regret it?
New. - Quit crying. Let's go to the hookers.
Wow.
Durga.
Villa Tersago, Brasschaat.
Tuesday morning, 8 november. Seven fifteen.
Still life, called 'Black on black'.
This is Flower, the most beautiful flower in daddy's Garden,
favorite whorehouse of yours truly.
Shooting day 3 of "Crimi Clowns".
My father's toys.
Still life, called 'Nightlife'.
Perpetrator without a trace.
I think I miss your sister.
Then call her.
She pushes me away.
With a disposable phone.
Do you see Amber often?
Every now and then.
The heroin farmer.
Wesley.
You okay? - I have stomach cramps and a headache.
Clammy and cold. We can't complain.
Hey, tiger.
Hello my monkey. - How are you ?
Have you brought my sweets?
Flower, baby, they're ready. - Hey, buddy.
Hey, Wesley, everything good? - All right, boy.
Showtime.
No.
Have you thought about rehab yet?
Slowly yeah.
That doesn't exist.
Don't look at me like that.
Do you still talk to dad about me?
No.
Does Amber sometimes ask about me? - No.
I wish I could go back home, but...
I can't stand his whining anymore.
Do you think I've been too strict with her?
No.
You were always allowed everything and I wasn't.
Because you go to film school.
are you still going?
Not since the summer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have whined about degrees that much.
But I have a diploma, right?
Not for ballet, Wesley, for law.
Wesley, that's daddy's fault.
Daddy didn't let her dance. And when you are told no, you will want to do the opposite.
And why not ? - Wes...
Little Amber, child, you're up soon. - Yes.
You can still easily quit right now. - Easily...
You'll be done with it in five days.
And daddy doesn't even need to know that you've been using the syringe.
I could be your buddy. I know what I'm talking about.
sssjjt. You can whine just as much as dad.
Yes, guys...
How are they ?
Big party, honey.
So you see, dear tv-viewing children,
to what a joint after school can lead to.
So far for now our dark chronicle, about the talented beautiful girl
that plunges into recklessness through the specter of addiction.
Good morning.
Is it okay if I go for a swim? - Go ahead.
What's wrong ? You look like you just saw a ghost?
I thought I brought a little blondie home.
haha. That's mine.
Man, that's some pretty stuff.
Do you want to see something?
The Sunday night on the bridge? - Cool, man.
You are sick, dude.
No, I'm creating a masterpiece.
Come on, the best is yet to come.
It makes me sick and you're watching it for fun.
What kind of a sicko are you?
kiss my balls, right now.
What does it say?
That we stole 700,000 euros worth of stuff.
They're fucking trying to get half a mill out of the insurance, by cheating.
No shot Jay. I don't get it.
When Rudi Kojak shot himself in the face, in the toilet at the Shamrock,
it didn't make the news.
But that was the day after 9/11, nothing else made it to the news then.
And he wasn't in it either.
He pulled through for another week. With a hole through his head.
Maybe Jay isn't up to it yet either?
Come on, Wesley, what more can a man do?
Maybe that white Mercedes drove off.
Was that driver scared?
For ? - Not up to date with his insurances.
I wouldn't dare doing it, like those guys who drive around uninsured.
Maybe he packed what's left of Jay in his suitcase.
Or hid it in the bushes.
Maybe we should go check it out ?
There went clown Norry, confused and stressed out.
In distraught battle with the elements.
Through torrential rains and gusts of wind.
gusts of wind.
Along the E19 between Antwerp and Breda.
Antwerp and Breda.
Searching for the remains of what was once a dear friend.
Nothing, young.
Dad.
God damn it, Wesley. Piss, dude.
Ah, Ronny. wesley.
André De Polies ? Did he say that?
André De Polies was a good friend. Nothing more.
You shouldn't believe everything your father says.
Annoyed?
Yes.
You're not hungover from last night, right?
I wouldn't tell you if I was, André.
blow, blow,
Keep going, keep going, keep going
Okay.
That's disappointing, isn't it?
car papers.
André de Polies?
I went to bed with that one, yes. That's right.
But at that time your father and his mates had already been in Thailand for two weeks.
And that wasn't for diving, was it, Wesley.
One week. - Huh ?
Not two weeks, one week.
One week, yes. That's right.
urinating in public?
Is that something new?
That is as old as the streets are and it costs 250 euros.
250 euros ? That's all? Come on, dude.
If it's only that much, I'll come piss here everyday.
I don't think so. I'll put you in jail. - Seriously ?
Yes. I've seen your dick. - Seriously ?
No. But who will prove it?
Come on, dude, you're going to fuck me over?
I will try, Ronny. Just try, okay
So you'll be world famous in Flanders as the Clown who touches young women.
And for public defamation.
Man, that's going to be fun. Say, what is it, Wesley?
Are you going to take a picture, or what? cheese.
Click.
Wesley, I don't see André anymore. He's lying, your dad.
Then why is his bicycle standing here in the hallway?
His bicycle?
André's bicycle in the hallway doesn't mean he lives here does it?
I'm always the bad guy. But he's a saint, isn't he?
The bastard, god damn it.
We'll get revenge, won't we, Wesley? - Yes.
Do you have the part where he says he will try to fuck me over on video?
Yes.
Come on, dude, you're going to fuck me over?
I will try, Ronny. Just try, okay
250 euros just because we were pissing. Stupid assholes.
We weren't pissing.
No, but I couldn't say: let's see if that fool that we ran over
and threw off the bridge yesterday, is still crawling around here somewhere.
Was that a hooker?
That little black girl who slept over last night.
No. The daughter of a pharmacist.
We bought a farm together that we are going to renovate
and this summer we are getting married.
Are you still half asleep?
That's Flower. A dancer from the Papa's Garden.
Flower.
Like flour? - Voila.
What does she want? - Nothing. I mean, just a little coke and some Ecstasy.
Okay. - But that's not for everyone.
No no.
You'll stay away from my love, you hear me?
Are you still meditating about Jay?
If he is no longer laying on the floor and he hasn't been brought in anywhere,
then it can only mean one thing.
That bastard packed him in his suitcase.
Which bastard?
That bastard with the white Mercedes driving around uninsured.
Why ?
To make him disappear.
Watch out, it's not easy to make someone disappear.
You don't have to tell me that.
Someone is awake.
No, Lou, still haven't heard from Jay.
I'm not calling for that. - For what then?
Don't you remember? - No.
Think about it.
Remember: rehearsal at two o'clock, ok.
And don't forget that chick. - Chick ?
The chick of the sketch, about the chicken and the pan.
Correct. - Okay. Bye, Lou.
No, no, Lou, no. You wait for him to act like that.
Stand still, Mike.
What ? - Mike, stand still.
Lou, you're too early. Wait. Wait, I say.
God damn it.
No, not with the chicken. With the pan.
But that chicken is also fun.
Lou, we've already talked about that.
A chicken is good for throwing, a pan is good for hitting.
And a chicken won't make my hat go 'tuut'.
Not with that pan either.
Because you don't hit well enough.
Come on, Ronny.
What, "Come on, Ronny"?
God damn it, huh.
asshole.
He's right, isn't he, Lou.
That was right on my nose.
I know.
Fuck.
That little one's got a big neck, Ronny.
That little one is a bomb on the scene, Lou. I've recognized that a while ago
We'll only have bullshit with that.
I only hear one whining, Lou. He will join starting next week.
I don't have any choice?
You've never had any choice, no.
I thought we were partners. - We are partners.
And like most partners, there is one who speaks and one who listens.
Otherwise you'll get shit. Just like it works with couples.
Am I the woman and you the man, or what?
No, you can be the man.
And like most couples, the man has nothing to say.
Oh, this guy is getting himself filmed. Do you think you're Elvis again, or what?
Hello, sweetheart.
Shouldn't you be going back to Holland again? - This is for school, Ma.
Bye, Lou.
Bye, madam. Oh my, you look so good again.
Thanks, Lou. What is it ? Have you fallen off your bicycle again?
No, that's how I always get off.
We need to talk.
Now ? - No. What did you think? Next year ?
Have you got it again?
I expected some more crap from you.
But what you've done now is very low.
But this time I'm not going to let it go, Ronny.
Or do you really believe I don't have any ugly naked pics from you anymore?
Then people will understand how low the bar was.
I need to tell you something, Ronny.
But you must promise me not to get angry.
Come on, dude.
You posted my ex's naked tits on the internet? For what ?
To laugh.
do you see me smiling?
I thought you'd find that funny.
Funny ?
You say I never take any initiative.
Lou, Lou, right. If you weren't so big and strong, Lou...
Then what ?
Then I'd punch you in the face right now.
I believe you.
That I fell for it, I don't even understand that myself.
Those postures that mom is so crazy about, Wes,
that daddy always brought for mommy...
Do you know what those are?
Sorry postures.
Every time he'd slept with someone else,
he came home with such a posture.
'Sorry.'
And I just put that sorry, on top of a closet.
An apology, is what I put on top of my closet.
Yes, 'I can put an apology on my closet'.
At our wedding, Wes, he has tongued my maid of honor
Véronique.
At least ten guys saw it happen.
"It's just lies and jealousy." And I believed that.
Later, I found out he had been having an affair with her, for another year.
Poor mom.
Poor mom.
children's parties. I really don't feel like it right now, okay?
Last time I almost punched the birthdaykid in the face.
I wouldn't do that now, Lou The birthday girl will be turning ninety.
Okay. respect.
Welcome everyone. Here they are, the craziest clowns in the world.
Clown Norry and Clown Papalou.
Hello, hello, everyone.
Hello.
Come on in, we'll start.
This is Norry. - And this is Papalou.
And we bring... a nice show for you.
150 euros.
What do you mean ?
You owe us 150 bucks.
You're not going to charge that, are you?
I'm afraid there's nothing else we can do.
If you had simply canceled, there would have been no problem.
Come on, sir, you can't be serious.
Did you arrange anything else for your father's birthday?
A caterer.
A caterer. And of course you didn't cancel him either?
I did.
But you didn't think it was necessary to cancel us?
Madam, is there somewhere we can change and put remove our makeup?
That lady really thought she could fuck us over, huh?
Here. You still owe another 25.
No, Lou.
You still owe another 25.
Bye, Josh...
Yes.
You don't mean that.
Kiss my balls, right now.
Jay ?
A car accident ? - Yes...
Is it bad?
Yep.
He is in Saint Joseph and he looks like a mummy, said Jos 'the thief'.
Man, man, man ...
That damn bastard is still breathing.
Wes, we need to destroy him ASAP.
Say, where are you? - Yes, Lou. He's not going to run, is he?
And that pocket watch you stole from the bedroom, you may give that aswel
Wesley, snitch. I collect watches.
You collect everything. come.
What can you even do with such a watch?
See what time it is, god damn it.
well. What is it ?
No, Ronny, I think that's pretty. Next time it's your turn again.
That's not the point.
If we go out together, everything will be divided afterwards.
It's been that way for years and that's why we're still on good terms.
You cannot divide a watch.
You're a thief, Lou.
Bold of you to say that.
Ronny, Lou, Wesley. - Jarek.
How's Jay?
Not good.
I'm going to smoke a cigarette. - Yes.
Look now, he just leaves Jos alone.
Yes. Now's the time to kill him.
Wow.
Oh, look here. Here are your buddies.
Oooh, but buddy. What has he done now?
Jumped off the bridge in 't Peerdsbos.
No way?
And run over by a Dutchman with a Mercedes.
Oh man, Jay my guy, poor soul.
Can he hear us?
Yes. - But he can't speak yet?
Ofcourse not, with that tube in his mouth.
And if you take that tube out? - Then he can't breathe.
For real?
That machine breathes for him.
Seriously ?
It's as if he's trying to say something, look at his eye.