Creature Comforts (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 11 - Is Anyone Out There? - full transcript

Who are the little green men and why do they want to holiday here? Take a journey into the unexpected, as our interstellar friends wrestle with postman etiquette, and the weather.

All green and slimy...

with googly eyes.

With googly eyes and little thingies that
go up in the air with round bits on the end.

-Antennas.
-Yeah.

With a spaceship.

Je tam niekto?

I don't believe
in aliens really.

I don't believe in strange
people, strange creatures...

and strange anything...

because God wouldn't
create anything...

that's not perfect...



and that's abnormal and strange.

No, I don't believe there's
alien life on this planet.

I believe there's something,
but what, we don't know.

But I believe there's something
we've not been told about like...

What do you mean
if aliens existed?

Aliens do exist. Everybody
knows aliens exist.

I think if aliens existed, I would
think they're about that small.

-Some of them.
-These are the good ones.

That small...

and they have
quite a big head...

and they are very
good at sums...

and they have
small legs and arms.

I've no idea what aliens look
like. They could look like anything.

They might just be a
ball of gas or an idea...



or a particular colored light.

The whole conspiracy thing
about aliens is absolutely ridiculous.

I mean, why on earth
would they visit us...

to fly around in some farmer's back garden
in the back end of beyond in Suffolk...

to just bugger off again? It just
doesn't make sense whatsoever.

And the whole thing
about UFO's in the sky...

is just beyond me.

What is a UFO?

-You know what a UFO is?
-What does it stand for?

Can't remember.
Something. What is that?

An unidented flying object.

No, I've never seen one of them. I
don't even know what know one is.

So anything that
you don't identify...

that flies past you
is a UFO, isn't it?

So basically, if it's a bird
that you don't recognize...

what's that, you
get the book out...

you can't identify it, that
was a UFO, wasn't it?

No, now you're being silly.

I've seen a UFO...

at a time when UFO's were
being sighted in Lancashire.

People were saying they had flying
saucers coming over the rooftops...

"in a suburb of Bolton."

"One news reporter claimed
to have taken a photograph..."

but whether it was a
genuine photo is another thing.

I came beginning
of May in 1984...

because it's a beautiful planet.

You can see it from quite
far. It looks very attractive.

It's not as striking the
difference that people expect...

when they ask, "How
different is it than home?"

You hate to lapse into this
whole stereotype about...

how the English people
are who live around me.

We have radionic equipment...

which we call spiritual
energy radiators...

which have been in operation
now for over 30 years.

Every unselfish
action is potentized...

by spiritual energy radiators.

You have here like shopping centers
inside community centers nowadays.

You have people on Saturday take
their children to shopping center like...

Probably, that's one of the elements of
care and community programs they have now.

They develop strong enough
medication so they can keep you quiet.

You can just walk around and
look at the bright shiny things.

-Yeah.
-lt makes you happy.

They make these
models of aliens.

How can they make models of aliens
when they've never ever seen an alien?

I mean, is that a fuss?

-But that's your-- -But is
it, you know what I mean?

You're allowed to have
imagination, aren't you?

Yeah, but how can they mold an
alien when they've not seen an alien?

If somebody asked you
what's an alien look like.

I couldn't tell 'cause I don't
know. I've never seen one.

If they say, what do
you think it looks like.

Again, I wouldn't be able
to tell, 'cause I don't know.

But wouldn't you
have a go at saying...

-"l think they might look like this or..."
-They could be two foot tall.

I think a lot of these
portrayals of aliens...

comes from people who
say they've seen aliens...

or they've been
beamed up by aliens.

Some of these stories
people come out with.

Do you think they are stories
or else do you think they're true?

There's no doubt in my mind that
these people have had an experience.

No. I think that's nonsense.

To be honest, I think people
have either had too much to drink...

or they've just got very
imaginative imaginations.

I reckon they've been on some
sort of waccy baccy type stuff.

I reckon if they're saying
they've been abducted by it...

Glow in the dark like...

The first few months in
this country, I had to learn...

that you do not kiss
everybody to say hello...

and I did with the postman.

I opened the door. There was
a postman. I gave him kiss...

on his cheek,
twice or whatever...

and he was absolutely shocked.

I've loved the weather here.

I know that sounds crazy because everyone
always complains about the weather here.

It's very temperate.

But living in the city...

you hardly ever have a freeze.

When you do have
snow, it's pretty.

It melts when it hits the
ground, which is ideal.

Yeah, I reckon there's quite a few of them
roaming round the planet at the moment.

I think just the opposite.

To be honest, I don't think
that at this particular time...

aliens do not exist...

until someone comes up with
the proof that they are existing.

There's a lot of proof on that they
exist on other planets though, isn't?

You know, it may
not be, kind of like...

we might be
looking at sort of...

other-looking things
in other dimensions...

other planes.

Doesn't have to be traveling
through long distances.

Things like the
elves and the fairies.

Wacky people.

Wacky people.

Real strange.

This is home. Everything
is a bit upside down...

but that's the way it is.

But slowly it's becoming level.

I've learned that it's very
important to be polite.

You have to remember to say certain
amount of thank you's and sorry's.

You have to say sorry to
people you shouldn't really say.

You walk on the street and there's
a person walking in front of you.

Suddenly those two people
perform a dance saying, "Sorry."

You don't know
which way to move.

I think that was
something which...

I felt a bit bemused by that.

Yes.

Mainly, I just watch
Jeremy Paxman.

No, as to whether
they visited us or not...

recently, I couldn't tell you.

They might have.

Who's to say they
ain't here now?

My theory is we came
from another planet.

It's just lies. I don't believe in it.

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