Craig of the Creek (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 32 - Dinner at the Creek - full transcript
♪ Who's gonna be around,
never gonna let you down ♪
♪ When you're on a wild ride?
♪ Your friends are
always by your side ♪
♪ It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
♪ It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
♪ It's Craig of the Creek
♪♪
Please, please,
please don't do this, Mom!
I'll do anything!
Uh, I'll clean the house.
I'll wash the car
and file your taxes.
Just please don't leave Bernard
in charge!
I don't have time to argue
about this, baby.
Sorry, my guy, but we've got to
get to the concert.
♪ It's the Jelly
reunion tour ♪
They've been broken up
for 15 years,
and there's
a good chance
they'll break up
before the end of the night,
so we got to
get there on time!
But I don't
need Bernard.
I'm totally capable
of taking care of myself.
I'm not
like Jessica.
I can take care
of myself!
I tie my own shoes,
I go to the bathroom by myself,
I know which bus
to take home.
When Michael Finch teases me
about my height,
I do not give him
the satisfaction!
Thatta girl!
Are you sure you two
are gonna be all right
babysitting tonight?
We'll be fine,
Mrs. Williams!
My friends and I are
the most professional sitters
you'll find
this side of Herkleton.
We're unionized.
Do you see why
I love this woman?
This is gonna be so great,
Alexis.
All right, now, don't get
ahead of yourself, my man.
[ Cellphone buzzes ]
Oh, shoot!
We got to get going
or we're gonna miss
the opening act --
Big Pocket Hank.
He's a hip-prop comedian.
He freestyles about
what's in his pockets.
[ Sighs ] It's a lot of songs
about keys and loose change.
Man just needs
to get a wallet.
Bye, sweetie.
Get along
with your brother, now.
That means
you, too, Bernard.
Well,
at least it's pizza night.
Sorry,
little brother.
There's been a change
in the menu.
Tonight, we're having
risotto al cavolfiore.
What?!
But it's Friday!
Friday is always
pizza night!
Well,
Mom put me in charge,
and Alexis and I are more than
capable of cooking dinner.
We got the recipe from celebrity
chef couple Ash and Ajan!
Bernard thought it'd make
a great couple activity.
Like Ash and Ajan
always say,
"A chef
can make a meal..."
"But two chefs
can make magic."
How dare you ruin
the sanctity of pizza night!
We will not stand
for this blasphemy.
Mm-hmm!
Jessica! We could use some
extra hands in the kitchen.
Would you like
to come help?
[ Gasps ] Yay!
This is mutiny!
I'm so excited
about making this dish, Bernard!
It's gonna be
so umami.
Yeah!
It's gonna have all the umami!
And this prosciutto is going to
add some great flavor text.
Eugh.
What's the matter?
You don't
like prosciutto?
Pbht!
Oh, come on, Craig,
don't you want to be
a supportive little brother
and try Bernard's dish tonight?
No.
You know, you're lucky anyone's
here to feed you at all.
If you didn't know how to pour
a bowl of cereal,
you would've starved
years ago!
Bernard!
Nuh-uh!
I can feed myself
just fine,
and I'll prove it!
I'm just gonna go eat dinner
at the Creek!
Fine!
Go right ahead!
Uh, j-just be back in time
before sundown, okay, Craig?
Don't tell me
what to do!
You're not my mom!
I'm sorry, Alexis,
that was super uncalled for.
We all
really like you here.
He just
needs to vent.
I'll show that chef
I don't need him.
I don't need anyone
to take care of me.
What? All our emergency rations
are gone!
What was
the emergency?
We were hungry?
All that's left
is bird seed.
I wouldn't go
for it.[ Shrieks ]
It's all right,
Craig.
We can always just hit up
the trading tree.
No. If I'm gonna prove myself,
then I want to do this right.
I'm gonna forage for food
here at the creek.
And live off the land.
The legends will call me
Wildman Craig!
I'll chop down trees
for firewood.
Rrrrah!
And grind my own spices
with my bare hands
to make the tastiest dinners
in the world.
Wow, that Wildman Craig
sounded really handsome.
You know, we can help you find
some edible stuff.
I've dared JP to eat
all kinds of junk
I've found
on the ground.
Yeah!
Aw, man, I'm glad to know
that all that barfing
was for
a good cause.
Yeah,
good cause.
Let's find some food!
Hold on.
Hmm. [ Sniffs ]
Ah!
Here we go!
Grass isn't food,
man!
My mom and the eight
doctor appointments I've had
made that
very clear.
A-ha!
Wild onions!
[ Gasps ] Ohh. [ Gasps ] Ohh.
[ Gasps ] Ha ha!
Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry!
I should have knocked.
Ah, a plentiful harvest
for Wildman Craig!
Guys, look!
A squirrel!
That noble creature
is a natural forager.
She'll know
where to find food.
Ah,
this is it!
They led us
right to their village.
And now we feast
on their delicious families.
JP, no!
We're here to communicate
with them.
We'll introduce ourselves
as their leaders
and ask them
to teach us their ways.
We'll live amongst them
and adapt
to their self-sufficient
squirrel lifestyle,
keeping us
well-fed and fit.
Eventually, the exposure
will evolve us
into a new apex predator --
half-squirrel and half-human!
Kelsey, we don't have time
for that.
I'm hungry.Oh, fine.
JP, go steal
some nuts for us.
Wait, why me?Um...
'Cause I dare you to.
Oh, okay.
Pardon me,
little squirrely friends.
Your pal JP's just lookin'
for a small smackerel.
[ Squirrel chattering ]
Oh, bother.
Aaaah! Agh!
They're tickling me --
violently!
Uh, thanks for
the diversion, JP!
All right,
let's get out of here!
Aaah!
[ Laughs ] Stop!
They're crawling around
in places
my mom told me
to stop scratchin'!
Ooh, how about
these crabapples?
Hmm,
too mushy.
But it looks like there are
a few good ones up near the top.
Yeah, but how are we
supposed to get them down?
I got this.
[ Grunts ]
Ah!
My sword!
[ Grunts ]
No,
not my staff!
[ Grunts ]
Wait.
I-I'll get it.
I'll knock it down
with my shoe.
[ Grunts ] Oops.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Well, I ran out of things
to throw.
Oh,
what can we do now?
We're useless without
our cool accessories.
Hmm.
Maybe it's finally time
we assembled...
aerial formation.
[ Gasps ] But we haven't had
enough practice yet.
We don't know
if it'll work!
Huh?
It will.
Ready when you are,
Kelsey.
[ Grunts ]
Kelsey: It was at
that pivotal moment
Kelsey realized her life
would change forever.
She had finally achieved
the impossible feat
of human fli--Hoof.
Both: Yeah!
Craig:
This is perfect.
We don't need no
snooty-proshooty to make a meal.
Let's get prepping.
Ah, the pure, untainted waters
of a slip 'n' flip.
Wheeee!
Feel the might
of my PVC pulverizer!
Rah!
Huh? [ Groans ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Sighs ]
Will...you...
break...al-ready?!
[ Humming ]
♪♪
Hey, Kelsey,
you got those acorns?
With an aid of a noble rock,
I was able to crack...
one.
Oh.
Um, h-how about
those crab apples, JP?
Oh, yeah.
No.
Uh, I threw those
in the creek.Well, why?
I'm pretty sure
they're evil,
and I'm pretty sure
I'm allergic.
Okay. Okay.
Um, uh, we still have
the onions.
We can make
onion soup!
♪♪
Hmm,
I'm gonna be honest.
Kinda just looks like
dirty onion water.
[ Slurps ]
So,
how's it taste?
[ Groans ]
Like dirty onion water.
Aww...
who am I kidding?
I'm not capable
of taking care of myself.
I'm not even capable
of making dinner.
Aw,
poor Craiggory.
[ Horn blows ]
You guys
better head home.
Yeah.
I should probably put
some ointment on this.
♪♪
Duane: Craig!
Welcome back to "So You Think
You Can Take Care of Yourself?"
Tonight in Responsibility
Stadium, we have my sons!
And Alexis.
Bernard, Alexis,
what are you presenting?
We made
Risotto Al blah, blah, blah.
It's Italian.
It's delicious!It's delicious!
You are not only capable
of taking care of yourselves,
but the whole family!
How about you,
Craig?
What do you have?
Uh,
dirty onion water.
Ew, gross!
You are incapable
of taking care of yourself!
Your brother will have to
babysit you forever!
♪♪
No!
Alexis: Sorry!
It's fine!
Just hurry!
I got to
keep stirring!
♪♪
[ Groans ]
It doesn't look like
the picture at all.
[ Sighs ]
I'm a failure.
Hey.
My parents
put me in charge.
I'm supposed to be
the responsible big brother,
and I just
totally failed.
I'm not capable of cooking
a fancy risotto.
I'm not capable
of cooking anything.
The table is all set.
I'm ready to eat!
Ugh,
what do we do?
We got to
serve them something,
or else they'll kick me
out of the union!
I cannot have that.
I'm the sergeant
at arms.
Okay!
Here ya go.
Hmm. Hmm.
This is dinner?
Hmm.
B-Bon appetit.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Uh...
Mmm.
It's actually...
pretty good.
R-Really?
The heck are you talking about,
Craig?
Just add a little bit of cheese
on top!
There, try that.
Ahh...
Mmm,
tastes like cheese!
Hmm.
The cheese definitely gives
the dish a robust nutty flavor.
There's room
for improvement,
but I think we did pretty good
for our first try.
Yeah,
good job, Bernard.
Thanks.
[ Groans ]
Pass the cheese,
please!
♪ When it's time to go to bed
♪ I know
I don't have to feel alone ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll see you tomorrow
never gonna let you down ♪
♪ When you're on a wild ride?
♪ Your friends are
always by your side ♪
♪ It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
♪ It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
♪ It's Craig of the Creek
♪♪
Please, please,
please don't do this, Mom!
I'll do anything!
Uh, I'll clean the house.
I'll wash the car
and file your taxes.
Just please don't leave Bernard
in charge!
I don't have time to argue
about this, baby.
Sorry, my guy, but we've got to
get to the concert.
♪ It's the Jelly
reunion tour ♪
They've been broken up
for 15 years,
and there's
a good chance
they'll break up
before the end of the night,
so we got to
get there on time!
But I don't
need Bernard.
I'm totally capable
of taking care of myself.
I'm not
like Jessica.
I can take care
of myself!
I tie my own shoes,
I go to the bathroom by myself,
I know which bus
to take home.
When Michael Finch teases me
about my height,
I do not give him
the satisfaction!
Thatta girl!
Are you sure you two
are gonna be all right
babysitting tonight?
We'll be fine,
Mrs. Williams!
My friends and I are
the most professional sitters
you'll find
this side of Herkleton.
We're unionized.
Do you see why
I love this woman?
This is gonna be so great,
Alexis.
All right, now, don't get
ahead of yourself, my man.
[ Cellphone buzzes ]
Oh, shoot!
We got to get going
or we're gonna miss
the opening act --
Big Pocket Hank.
He's a hip-prop comedian.
He freestyles about
what's in his pockets.
[ Sighs ] It's a lot of songs
about keys and loose change.
Man just needs
to get a wallet.
Bye, sweetie.
Get along
with your brother, now.
That means
you, too, Bernard.
Well,
at least it's pizza night.
Sorry,
little brother.
There's been a change
in the menu.
Tonight, we're having
risotto al cavolfiore.
What?!
But it's Friday!
Friday is always
pizza night!
Well,
Mom put me in charge,
and Alexis and I are more than
capable of cooking dinner.
We got the recipe from celebrity
chef couple Ash and Ajan!
Bernard thought it'd make
a great couple activity.
Like Ash and Ajan
always say,
"A chef
can make a meal..."
"But two chefs
can make magic."
How dare you ruin
the sanctity of pizza night!
We will not stand
for this blasphemy.
Mm-hmm!
Jessica! We could use some
extra hands in the kitchen.
Would you like
to come help?
[ Gasps ] Yay!
This is mutiny!
I'm so excited
about making this dish, Bernard!
It's gonna be
so umami.
Yeah!
It's gonna have all the umami!
And this prosciutto is going to
add some great flavor text.
Eugh.
What's the matter?
You don't
like prosciutto?
Pbht!
Oh, come on, Craig,
don't you want to be
a supportive little brother
and try Bernard's dish tonight?
No.
You know, you're lucky anyone's
here to feed you at all.
If you didn't know how to pour
a bowl of cereal,
you would've starved
years ago!
Bernard!
Nuh-uh!
I can feed myself
just fine,
and I'll prove it!
I'm just gonna go eat dinner
at the Creek!
Fine!
Go right ahead!
Uh, j-just be back in time
before sundown, okay, Craig?
Don't tell me
what to do!
You're not my mom!
I'm sorry, Alexis,
that was super uncalled for.
We all
really like you here.
He just
needs to vent.
I'll show that chef
I don't need him.
I don't need anyone
to take care of me.
What? All our emergency rations
are gone!
What was
the emergency?
We were hungry?
All that's left
is bird seed.
I wouldn't go
for it.[ Shrieks ]
It's all right,
Craig.
We can always just hit up
the trading tree.
No. If I'm gonna prove myself,
then I want to do this right.
I'm gonna forage for food
here at the creek.
And live off the land.
The legends will call me
Wildman Craig!
I'll chop down trees
for firewood.
Rrrrah!
And grind my own spices
with my bare hands
to make the tastiest dinners
in the world.
Wow, that Wildman Craig
sounded really handsome.
You know, we can help you find
some edible stuff.
I've dared JP to eat
all kinds of junk
I've found
on the ground.
Yeah!
Aw, man, I'm glad to know
that all that barfing
was for
a good cause.
Yeah,
good cause.
Let's find some food!
Hold on.
Hmm. [ Sniffs ]
Ah!
Here we go!
Grass isn't food,
man!
My mom and the eight
doctor appointments I've had
made that
very clear.
A-ha!
Wild onions!
[ Gasps ] Ohh. [ Gasps ] Ohh.
[ Gasps ] Ha ha!
Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry!
I should have knocked.
Ah, a plentiful harvest
for Wildman Craig!
Guys, look!
A squirrel!
That noble creature
is a natural forager.
She'll know
where to find food.
Ah,
this is it!
They led us
right to their village.
And now we feast
on their delicious families.
JP, no!
We're here to communicate
with them.
We'll introduce ourselves
as their leaders
and ask them
to teach us their ways.
We'll live amongst them
and adapt
to their self-sufficient
squirrel lifestyle,
keeping us
well-fed and fit.
Eventually, the exposure
will evolve us
into a new apex predator --
half-squirrel and half-human!
Kelsey, we don't have time
for that.
I'm hungry.Oh, fine.
JP, go steal
some nuts for us.
Wait, why me?Um...
'Cause I dare you to.
Oh, okay.
Pardon me,
little squirrely friends.
Your pal JP's just lookin'
for a small smackerel.
[ Squirrel chattering ]
Oh, bother.
Aaaah! Agh!
They're tickling me --
violently!
Uh, thanks for
the diversion, JP!
All right,
let's get out of here!
Aaah!
[ Laughs ] Stop!
They're crawling around
in places
my mom told me
to stop scratchin'!
Ooh, how about
these crabapples?
Hmm,
too mushy.
But it looks like there are
a few good ones up near the top.
Yeah, but how are we
supposed to get them down?
I got this.
[ Grunts ]
Ah!
My sword!
[ Grunts ]
No,
not my staff!
[ Grunts ]
Wait.
I-I'll get it.
I'll knock it down
with my shoe.
[ Grunts ] Oops.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Well, I ran out of things
to throw.
Oh,
what can we do now?
We're useless without
our cool accessories.
Hmm.
Maybe it's finally time
we assembled...
aerial formation.
[ Gasps ] But we haven't had
enough practice yet.
We don't know
if it'll work!
Huh?
It will.
Ready when you are,
Kelsey.
[ Grunts ]
Kelsey: It was at
that pivotal moment
Kelsey realized her life
would change forever.
She had finally achieved
the impossible feat
of human fli--Hoof.
Both: Yeah!
Craig:
This is perfect.
We don't need no
snooty-proshooty to make a meal.
Let's get prepping.
Ah, the pure, untainted waters
of a slip 'n' flip.
Wheeee!
Feel the might
of my PVC pulverizer!
Rah!
Huh? [ Groans ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Sighs ]
Will...you...
break...al-ready?!
[ Humming ]
♪♪
Hey, Kelsey,
you got those acorns?
With an aid of a noble rock,
I was able to crack...
one.
Oh.
Um, h-how about
those crab apples, JP?
Oh, yeah.
No.
Uh, I threw those
in the creek.Well, why?
I'm pretty sure
they're evil,
and I'm pretty sure
I'm allergic.
Okay. Okay.
Um, uh, we still have
the onions.
We can make
onion soup!
♪♪
Hmm,
I'm gonna be honest.
Kinda just looks like
dirty onion water.
[ Slurps ]
So,
how's it taste?
[ Groans ]
Like dirty onion water.
Aww...
who am I kidding?
I'm not capable
of taking care of myself.
I'm not even capable
of making dinner.
Aw,
poor Craiggory.
[ Horn blows ]
You guys
better head home.
Yeah.
I should probably put
some ointment on this.
♪♪
Duane: Craig!
Welcome back to "So You Think
You Can Take Care of Yourself?"
Tonight in Responsibility
Stadium, we have my sons!
And Alexis.
Bernard, Alexis,
what are you presenting?
We made
Risotto Al blah, blah, blah.
It's Italian.
It's delicious!It's delicious!
You are not only capable
of taking care of yourselves,
but the whole family!
How about you,
Craig?
What do you have?
Uh,
dirty onion water.
Ew, gross!
You are incapable
of taking care of yourself!
Your brother will have to
babysit you forever!
♪♪
No!
Alexis: Sorry!
It's fine!
Just hurry!
I got to
keep stirring!
♪♪
[ Groans ]
It doesn't look like
the picture at all.
[ Sighs ]
I'm a failure.
Hey.
My parents
put me in charge.
I'm supposed to be
the responsible big brother,
and I just
totally failed.
I'm not capable of cooking
a fancy risotto.
I'm not capable
of cooking anything.
The table is all set.
I'm ready to eat!
Ugh,
what do we do?
We got to
serve them something,
or else they'll kick me
out of the union!
I cannot have that.
I'm the sergeant
at arms.
Okay!
Here ya go.
Hmm. Hmm.
This is dinner?
Hmm.
B-Bon appetit.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Uh...
Mmm.
It's actually...
pretty good.
R-Really?
The heck are you talking about,
Craig?
Just add a little bit of cheese
on top!
There, try that.
Ahh...
Mmm,
tastes like cheese!
Hmm.
The cheese definitely gives
the dish a robust nutty flavor.
There's room
for improvement,
but I think we did pretty good
for our first try.
Yeah,
good job, Bernard.
Thanks.
[ Groans ]
Pass the cheese,
please!
♪ When it's time to go to bed
♪ I know
I don't have to feel alone ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll see you tomorrow