Conan the Adventurer (1997–1998): Season 1, Episode 14 - Red Sonja - full transcript
After the
oceans swallowed Atlantis,
and before recorded history,
there was an age where mythical kingdoms
spread across an uncharted world.
This was the age of Conan.
Enslaved as a boy, Conan
grew into a warrior.
He escaped to encounter
mystery, magic and myth,
while forever facing the
ultimate master of sorcery.
Lover, friend, hero.
His destiny was to free the oppressed
and become a king by his own hand.
Conan.
Heeya, heeya!
Heeya!
Heeya!
It came from there.
Let's see what it is.
Why don't you all go, I'll
stay here and guard our meal.
Heeya!
Heeya, heeya!
Jam those rocks under
there, while I lift.
Unhitch that horse now.
Pull!
Lift, lift!
Lift, Conan!
The wheel's flipping, more rocks!
Stop them!
What's this?
Who is that?
Get out, boy, quickly.
I have no idea.
Ya, ya, ya!
You fool!
Who were they?
They are dog cowards,
known as the Hartans.
And they've killed many
Keepers of the Truth
in a stronghold on the
mountains of the blue streams.
Why did they want the boy?
His name is Lutai.
He is a young child wizard who has learned
the secret of youth.
The Hartan king is old and he is wicked.
And he wants his youth back,
so that he can ruin more lives.
A boy wizard who can make you young?
I wonder what else he can do.
What kind of royal wizard is
this if they don't even send
their best warriors to bring him home?
They did send their best warrior.
Mule brain.
You are definitely at your most charming
when your face is about to explode.
What is this one trying to say?
He said that besides that road,
the fastest way to cross
is through the south.
Well if you say go south,
then I go north.
Help her?
She is an arrogant wench!
Let her go on alone.
But she is beautiful.
How were we to know that there was a boy
in the back of that wagon?
And that red hair.
Did you hear her?
"They did send the best warrior."
Ha!
Oh, mule brain, is it?
Watch your words, both of you!
My mood is like a black pond.
Without the duckies?
Stop!
Bayu is right.
We owe her nothing.
And I don't like that some
damn Hartan is laughing at me.
I agree.
I think they took great
pleasure in laughing at us.
He's a wizard, but only a boy.
A young snake can still bite.
He might know a way
to get us to Hissah Zul.
I think you've made up your mind.
Yes, we will follow
her and get the boy back.
What does our great
warrior Mule Brain say?
Yes, Zzeben is right.
We should not forget that
she is very beautiful.
And only for that will I help her.
Then let's go.
We stop here, water the horses.
Watch the wizard!
When we are done watering
the animals and resting,
we will make three different trails.
Weigh a horse down with stones,
as though they are carrying an extra rider
of the boy's weight.
This way, they will have to guess
at which trail we have taken.
All this for one woman warrior?
Better stand our ground and kill her.
At the wagon, those men?
Especially the large one
who held up the wagon?
He will not swallow well
being made a fool of.
Why run from any of them?
Let us put our teeth to their throats
and take them down.
And if in a fight, a stray
arrow should kill the boy?
Or we lose him in an ambush,
what will the king say
if we bring home a dead wizard?
You and I will wish we were the old dog
he keeps chained in his chambers.
My tongue wearies of this, Baru.
If we must continue,
let it be with weapons.
I follow your command.
Give the boy water and food.
Well, wizard.
Would you like food and water?
Of course, I don't know why I should
give you food and water.
A wizard should be able to
make his own food and water.
Oh, you do not speak?
No water, ha!
No food.
When I see your king,
and I am dying from
lack of water and food,
I shall remind him of your kindness.
Now consider why you are riding.
Whether I am your
captive, or you are mine.
What are you doing here?
They have broken into three trails.
They weighted the cart
and horses down with stones.
This much a child knows.
Why are you here?
We want to help you to get the boy back.
And why would you wanna do this?
I would like to give
the Hartans another chance
to laugh at us.
I do not need your help.
Do you think that they
split the trail into three
because they tremble at the thought
of being hunted by one woman warrior?
You and your friends
will know the answer
after I have felled you like a tree.
Mule brain.
There will be no fighting here.
We will help your trek.
I do not need your help.
Lutai will tell me if he knows.
Lutai, if you know where
they have taken you, show me.
This is nonsense.
The boy can speak through the sky.
Lutai.
The trail has been found.
Now, you may all go back to fixing wagons.
Wait!
It seems we've found some new friends.
I wanna buy this woman.
Who does she belong to?
She is her own master.
So, you belong to no one.
I belong only to my sword,
you foul smelling pig.
You and your men stand away.
Wound her, but leave enough
so she's worth something.
Draw the first, draw her blood!
Yeah, yeah!
Can I have the little one?
- Why do you want that?
- I like it.
He would make the perfect
slave to do my bidding.
You're right Zzeben, he can
feel her passion from here.
Now, you foul smelling pig.
Would you like to try your hand at me?
Kill them all!
Yeah!
Go on!
Run away with the others.
I don't want to go with them.
I want to stay here, with you.
Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know.
There's something about you.
Something about me, that's it?
You couldn't say something
nicer, more positive,
like my looks, or my brains or my bravery!
No, no, none of those things.
I don't know you yet.
What could I say that is nicer?
Your nose.
I like your nose!
My nose?
How about goodbye?
That would be nicer, it
has the word good in it.
It's dirty.
You are a fair swordsman.
You're almost fair yourself.
What do they call you?
I am Red Sonja.
How are all of you called?
That is Conan.
Zzeben.
That is Bayu, also known as mule brain.
And I throughout most of the world
am known as Otli the Charming.
Ah.
You mean to say that there is some part
of the world where you're not known?
- Amazing, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
He is mine!
Not yet, I mean, I'm not!
I thought I told you to be gone.
You need me here.
You just don't know it yet.
Are you from the country
of the blue stream?
Yes.
An old warrior and his
woman raised me after
they found me as a baby.
Where did they find you?
The band my family was traveling
with was attacked by guards.
My parents hid me in a basket
before they were killed,
and the old warrior found
me amongst the smoke
and the fire and the dead.
The old man, he was a great warrior.
His three sons had died in that battle,
so he and the woman, well they
could have no more children.
So they raised me as a
son, and as a warrior.
I hunt game for the Keepers of the Truth.
They are my friends.
These Hartans, they've killed so many.
Including the old warrior and his woman.
We know this bitterness.
We've all lost family and loved ones.
My friend says to lose one
family is enough, but two?
He's sorry for you and so am I.
Thank you, silent one.
Red Sonja, we will help
you against the Hartans.
We are good at this.
So I have seen.
I favor grog and pleasant exchange.
- Good.
- Good?
What do you mean, good?
Well, I favor grog
and pleasant exchange.
What do you say?
Well, I do not own the road.
And if you should happen to be
traveling the same way as I.
I wouldn't mind the company of warriors.
Besides, it's good to have men around.
To cook.
They were here, the Hartans.
In the back room.
They kept the boy tied and
bound while they robbed
me of food and drink.
It was terrible.
The boy had been beaten.
His face was all swollen,
his eye was closed.
It was pitiful.
Pitiful.
And that's when I managed to
sneak him some food and water.
Just a little water.
I wanted to do more,
but it wasn't possible.
That's when he told me about you.
About all of you.
And why would you want to do this?
Hartans.
They killed my woman, took my
daughter for king's pleasure.
I'd help anyone kill Hartans.
How long ago did they leave?
Five or six hours.
And they're on horseback.
Since we're on foot,
we should leave now.
You won't be on foot.
I have horses I will lend you.
Eat, drink.
When the horses are ready, I'll fetch you.
This is a good plan.
We should have the Hartans by morning.
Yes, Zzeben and a full stomach.
Here we go, have some
grog, have some grog.
Wait!
I'd like to ask our friend a favor.
Ask!
Drink first.
The house will pay two bags of gold
for each head at this table!
Now, who's gonna have a roadway
between their head and their neck?
You are.
Is your death that funny?
I was just thinking
how any of you planned
to get out of here before we kill you.
Zzeben!
Who is next?
Your nose.
It's dirty.
They wonder what kind
of wizard would allow
himself to be captured.
We have to try and steal this wizard,
and force him to make our crops grow,
if he's a wizard at all.
You sound just like the king.
Cut me down, spare me, please!
I told you everything I know!
Why don't we throw the bones
and see which one cuts his throat?
No wait, wait, wait!
I overheard the Hartan captain speaking.
He sent them out ahead
to bring Hartan soldiers
to guard the road to Hartan country,
in case you got through.
He's gone by a small trail
through the mountains.
Now please, cut me down!
That's it?
We could have figured
that one out on our own.
Cut me down!
Spare me, please!
The Hartan captain
will make a fine pelt.
Please, cut me down, spare me!
What about this one?
Cut me down, spare me, please!
You know why I have
had you brought here?
I demand to be young again.
I order you to make
this tree come to life.
I order you to make
this tree come to life.
Do not forget wizard, you are my prisoner.
- I order you.
- I am not your prisoner.
- No?
- No.
You are my prisoner.
It is you who wishes to be young.
You cannot demand of me.
We will see soon enough,
who is prisoner and who is king.
If you do not do as I say,
I will kill a sacrifice
each day until you do.
Stay out!
Let me go!
Clear a path here!
Do you know what will happen
if you do not clear a path?
Attack!
Stay down.
Are you all right?
Ah!
We need your help.
What can I do?
We must get into the
castle to get the boy back.
Impossible.
The boy would be dead
before you got close.
These soldiers need a sacrifice.
I will be the sacrifice.
I'll bring the bodies back to the castle,
while you sneak in.
I must go.
The Keepers of the Truth
entrusted me to bring Lutai home.
If one must be sacrificed,
then it will be me.
Hold it there, what is your purpose?
I am Red Sonja.
Tell King Vog his sacrifice has arrived.
She is not quite the army you described.
Where are the men who came
from the river with you?
Your poison fared well
on four out of five.
I do not drink grog.
How unfortunate.
Maybe not.
May the king be dead by nightfall.
Oh, you like wine?
Come on, drink with me!
Come!
Come, drink!
Two strong men here.
Drink!
Yes, yes, you must drink, come, stay here.
We have brought you a friend, wizard.
I'm glad that you could be
here for the moment of freedom.
What kind of impudence?
You will do as I command,
chop off her head!
How dare you stop my order!
The tree.
When was this done?
While you wasted
yourself with anger.
How was it done?
Remember, you are captured here.
You did not capture me.
The gods want me here.
Of course.
The gods want me young again.
This is a sign, of course!
The gods speak, not I.
Well you had better, or
this red haired beauty's face
will look up at you from the floor.
Bring turtle tree
roots, black hollow grass,
moon herbs and a bowl of water.
Do it, do it quickly!
Quiet!
Quickly, go!
That's it.
Let's go, brother.
How do I know this is not poisoned?
Give some to the dog.
How much for me?
Like the dog, will be enough.
It's your choice.
If you want to be young
again, or remain as you are.
I did not say he would be a young man.
Fire!
Fire!
I must speak to Captain Margan!
There's a fire!
Now!
Charge!
Where is the king?
Stand back.
Now it gets real interesting.
Forward!
Look out, behind you!
Attack them!
Over there!
You will die before I do woman!
I will rest after you are dead.
Ready for some grog?
Much grog.
Come on.
Thank you!
Thank you.
So, that was the king?
He still is.
I shall call him King Vog,
but this time, he shall
lead a kinder life.
If you can turn a king into a dog,
can you give a man with no
voice the ability to speak?
The way you are has made you a good man.
The gods saw to that.
And besides, true words are not in speech.
It's time for you to take
me back to the keepers.
Right this minute?
I have a few small things to do.
For your courage and goodness,
I have made something to water the ground
with when you plant this year.
The corn will grow well.
Thank you.
And now, I must leave.
And we must still try to get Hissah Zul.
Do not look that way.
Fate is not finished with you, both.
Come, Sonja, we must go.
Until we meet again, Conan.
You seem to be having trouble
taking your eyes off Red Sonja.
It's not often I think
I will meet someone.
Mm, she's beautiful.
There are many beautiful women.
She's more.
She's a great warrior.
For a woman.
oceans swallowed Atlantis,
and before recorded history,
there was an age where mythical kingdoms
spread across an uncharted world.
This was the age of Conan.
Enslaved as a boy, Conan
grew into a warrior.
He escaped to encounter
mystery, magic and myth,
while forever facing the
ultimate master of sorcery.
Lover, friend, hero.
His destiny was to free the oppressed
and become a king by his own hand.
Conan.
Heeya, heeya!
Heeya!
Heeya!
It came from there.
Let's see what it is.
Why don't you all go, I'll
stay here and guard our meal.
Heeya!
Heeya, heeya!
Jam those rocks under
there, while I lift.
Unhitch that horse now.
Pull!
Lift, lift!
Lift, Conan!
The wheel's flipping, more rocks!
Stop them!
What's this?
Who is that?
Get out, boy, quickly.
I have no idea.
Ya, ya, ya!
You fool!
Who were they?
They are dog cowards,
known as the Hartans.
And they've killed many
Keepers of the Truth
in a stronghold on the
mountains of the blue streams.
Why did they want the boy?
His name is Lutai.
He is a young child wizard who has learned
the secret of youth.
The Hartan king is old and he is wicked.
And he wants his youth back,
so that he can ruin more lives.
A boy wizard who can make you young?
I wonder what else he can do.
What kind of royal wizard is
this if they don't even send
their best warriors to bring him home?
They did send their best warrior.
Mule brain.
You are definitely at your most charming
when your face is about to explode.
What is this one trying to say?
He said that besides that road,
the fastest way to cross
is through the south.
Well if you say go south,
then I go north.
Help her?
She is an arrogant wench!
Let her go on alone.
But she is beautiful.
How were we to know that there was a boy
in the back of that wagon?
And that red hair.
Did you hear her?
"They did send the best warrior."
Ha!
Oh, mule brain, is it?
Watch your words, both of you!
My mood is like a black pond.
Without the duckies?
Stop!
Bayu is right.
We owe her nothing.
And I don't like that some
damn Hartan is laughing at me.
I agree.
I think they took great
pleasure in laughing at us.
He's a wizard, but only a boy.
A young snake can still bite.
He might know a way
to get us to Hissah Zul.
I think you've made up your mind.
Yes, we will follow
her and get the boy back.
What does our great
warrior Mule Brain say?
Yes, Zzeben is right.
We should not forget that
she is very beautiful.
And only for that will I help her.
Then let's go.
We stop here, water the horses.
Watch the wizard!
When we are done watering
the animals and resting,
we will make three different trails.
Weigh a horse down with stones,
as though they are carrying an extra rider
of the boy's weight.
This way, they will have to guess
at which trail we have taken.
All this for one woman warrior?
Better stand our ground and kill her.
At the wagon, those men?
Especially the large one
who held up the wagon?
He will not swallow well
being made a fool of.
Why run from any of them?
Let us put our teeth to their throats
and take them down.
And if in a fight, a stray
arrow should kill the boy?
Or we lose him in an ambush,
what will the king say
if we bring home a dead wizard?
You and I will wish we were the old dog
he keeps chained in his chambers.
My tongue wearies of this, Baru.
If we must continue,
let it be with weapons.
I follow your command.
Give the boy water and food.
Well, wizard.
Would you like food and water?
Of course, I don't know why I should
give you food and water.
A wizard should be able to
make his own food and water.
Oh, you do not speak?
No water, ha!
No food.
When I see your king,
and I am dying from
lack of water and food,
I shall remind him of your kindness.
Now consider why you are riding.
Whether I am your
captive, or you are mine.
What are you doing here?
They have broken into three trails.
They weighted the cart
and horses down with stones.
This much a child knows.
Why are you here?
We want to help you to get the boy back.
And why would you wanna do this?
I would like to give
the Hartans another chance
to laugh at us.
I do not need your help.
Do you think that they
split the trail into three
because they tremble at the thought
of being hunted by one woman warrior?
You and your friends
will know the answer
after I have felled you like a tree.
Mule brain.
There will be no fighting here.
We will help your trek.
I do not need your help.
Lutai will tell me if he knows.
Lutai, if you know where
they have taken you, show me.
This is nonsense.
The boy can speak through the sky.
Lutai.
The trail has been found.
Now, you may all go back to fixing wagons.
Wait!
It seems we've found some new friends.
I wanna buy this woman.
Who does she belong to?
She is her own master.
So, you belong to no one.
I belong only to my sword,
you foul smelling pig.
You and your men stand away.
Wound her, but leave enough
so she's worth something.
Draw the first, draw her blood!
Yeah, yeah!
Can I have the little one?
- Why do you want that?
- I like it.
He would make the perfect
slave to do my bidding.
You're right Zzeben, he can
feel her passion from here.
Now, you foul smelling pig.
Would you like to try your hand at me?
Kill them all!
Yeah!
Go on!
Run away with the others.
I don't want to go with them.
I want to stay here, with you.
Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know.
There's something about you.
Something about me, that's it?
You couldn't say something
nicer, more positive,
like my looks, or my brains or my bravery!
No, no, none of those things.
I don't know you yet.
What could I say that is nicer?
Your nose.
I like your nose!
My nose?
How about goodbye?
That would be nicer, it
has the word good in it.
It's dirty.
You are a fair swordsman.
You're almost fair yourself.
What do they call you?
I am Red Sonja.
How are all of you called?
That is Conan.
Zzeben.
That is Bayu, also known as mule brain.
And I throughout most of the world
am known as Otli the Charming.
Ah.
You mean to say that there is some part
of the world where you're not known?
- Amazing, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
He is mine!
Not yet, I mean, I'm not!
I thought I told you to be gone.
You need me here.
You just don't know it yet.
Are you from the country
of the blue stream?
Yes.
An old warrior and his
woman raised me after
they found me as a baby.
Where did they find you?
The band my family was traveling
with was attacked by guards.
My parents hid me in a basket
before they were killed,
and the old warrior found
me amongst the smoke
and the fire and the dead.
The old man, he was a great warrior.
His three sons had died in that battle,
so he and the woman, well they
could have no more children.
So they raised me as a
son, and as a warrior.
I hunt game for the Keepers of the Truth.
They are my friends.
These Hartans, they've killed so many.
Including the old warrior and his woman.
We know this bitterness.
We've all lost family and loved ones.
My friend says to lose one
family is enough, but two?
He's sorry for you and so am I.
Thank you, silent one.
Red Sonja, we will help
you against the Hartans.
We are good at this.
So I have seen.
I favor grog and pleasant exchange.
- Good.
- Good?
What do you mean, good?
Well, I favor grog
and pleasant exchange.
What do you say?
Well, I do not own the road.
And if you should happen to be
traveling the same way as I.
I wouldn't mind the company of warriors.
Besides, it's good to have men around.
To cook.
They were here, the Hartans.
In the back room.
They kept the boy tied and
bound while they robbed
me of food and drink.
It was terrible.
The boy had been beaten.
His face was all swollen,
his eye was closed.
It was pitiful.
Pitiful.
And that's when I managed to
sneak him some food and water.
Just a little water.
I wanted to do more,
but it wasn't possible.
That's when he told me about you.
About all of you.
And why would you want to do this?
Hartans.
They killed my woman, took my
daughter for king's pleasure.
I'd help anyone kill Hartans.
How long ago did they leave?
Five or six hours.
And they're on horseback.
Since we're on foot,
we should leave now.
You won't be on foot.
I have horses I will lend you.
Eat, drink.
When the horses are ready, I'll fetch you.
This is a good plan.
We should have the Hartans by morning.
Yes, Zzeben and a full stomach.
Here we go, have some
grog, have some grog.
Wait!
I'd like to ask our friend a favor.
Ask!
Drink first.
The house will pay two bags of gold
for each head at this table!
Now, who's gonna have a roadway
between their head and their neck?
You are.
Is your death that funny?
I was just thinking
how any of you planned
to get out of here before we kill you.
Zzeben!
Who is next?
Your nose.
It's dirty.
They wonder what kind
of wizard would allow
himself to be captured.
We have to try and steal this wizard,
and force him to make our crops grow,
if he's a wizard at all.
You sound just like the king.
Cut me down, spare me, please!
I told you everything I know!
Why don't we throw the bones
and see which one cuts his throat?
No wait, wait, wait!
I overheard the Hartan captain speaking.
He sent them out ahead
to bring Hartan soldiers
to guard the road to Hartan country,
in case you got through.
He's gone by a small trail
through the mountains.
Now please, cut me down!
That's it?
We could have figured
that one out on our own.
Cut me down!
Spare me, please!
The Hartan captain
will make a fine pelt.
Please, cut me down, spare me!
What about this one?
Cut me down, spare me, please!
You know why I have
had you brought here?
I demand to be young again.
I order you to make
this tree come to life.
I order you to make
this tree come to life.
Do not forget wizard, you are my prisoner.
- I order you.
- I am not your prisoner.
- No?
- No.
You are my prisoner.
It is you who wishes to be young.
You cannot demand of me.
We will see soon enough,
who is prisoner and who is king.
If you do not do as I say,
I will kill a sacrifice
each day until you do.
Stay out!
Let me go!
Clear a path here!
Do you know what will happen
if you do not clear a path?
Attack!
Stay down.
Are you all right?
Ah!
We need your help.
What can I do?
We must get into the
castle to get the boy back.
Impossible.
The boy would be dead
before you got close.
These soldiers need a sacrifice.
I will be the sacrifice.
I'll bring the bodies back to the castle,
while you sneak in.
I must go.
The Keepers of the Truth
entrusted me to bring Lutai home.
If one must be sacrificed,
then it will be me.
Hold it there, what is your purpose?
I am Red Sonja.
Tell King Vog his sacrifice has arrived.
She is not quite the army you described.
Where are the men who came
from the river with you?
Your poison fared well
on four out of five.
I do not drink grog.
How unfortunate.
Maybe not.
May the king be dead by nightfall.
Oh, you like wine?
Come on, drink with me!
Come!
Come, drink!
Two strong men here.
Drink!
Yes, yes, you must drink, come, stay here.
We have brought you a friend, wizard.
I'm glad that you could be
here for the moment of freedom.
What kind of impudence?
You will do as I command,
chop off her head!
How dare you stop my order!
The tree.
When was this done?
While you wasted
yourself with anger.
How was it done?
Remember, you are captured here.
You did not capture me.
The gods want me here.
Of course.
The gods want me young again.
This is a sign, of course!
The gods speak, not I.
Well you had better, or
this red haired beauty's face
will look up at you from the floor.
Bring turtle tree
roots, black hollow grass,
moon herbs and a bowl of water.
Do it, do it quickly!
Quiet!
Quickly, go!
That's it.
Let's go, brother.
How do I know this is not poisoned?
Give some to the dog.
How much for me?
Like the dog, will be enough.
It's your choice.
If you want to be young
again, or remain as you are.
I did not say he would be a young man.
Fire!
Fire!
I must speak to Captain Margan!
There's a fire!
Now!
Charge!
Where is the king?
Stand back.
Now it gets real interesting.
Forward!
Look out, behind you!
Attack them!
Over there!
You will die before I do woman!
I will rest after you are dead.
Ready for some grog?
Much grog.
Come on.
Thank you!
Thank you.
So, that was the king?
He still is.
I shall call him King Vog,
but this time, he shall
lead a kinder life.
If you can turn a king into a dog,
can you give a man with no
voice the ability to speak?
The way you are has made you a good man.
The gods saw to that.
And besides, true words are not in speech.
It's time for you to take
me back to the keepers.
Right this minute?
I have a few small things to do.
For your courage and goodness,
I have made something to water the ground
with when you plant this year.
The corn will grow well.
Thank you.
And now, I must leave.
And we must still try to get Hissah Zul.
Do not look that way.
Fate is not finished with you, both.
Come, Sonja, we must go.
Until we meet again, Conan.
You seem to be having trouble
taking your eyes off Red Sonja.
It's not often I think
I will meet someone.
Mm, she's beautiful.
There are many beautiful women.
She's more.
She's a great warrior.
For a woman.