Con Man (2015–2017): Season 1, Episode 12 - Found and Lost - full transcript
Meanwhile, on "Con Man"...
Abandon ship! To the escape pods!
Well, there's only one left.
And as captain...
- I should take it.
- Fuck you!
PJ Haars is broadcasting
the lost episode
and it's online!
It wasn't lost. It was stolen.
The whole cast is coming over.
Stutter's already here.
He keeps sharpening the kitchen knives.
Come over!
PJ Haars is getting his closure.
I'm gonna get mine.
Con Man - Episode 12 - "Found and Lost"
Approaching strong.
Four minutes to our first shallow skip.
Captain,
how are we even considering this?
Here.
Keep that storm for cover.
Get that kid out quiet.
We won't have time for a fight.
This all looks intact.
Cash, are you sure the
surge originated from here?
No, because the only person
who understands this goddamn ship is...
You're looking in the wrong place.
Bree...
- Bree!
- How are you even up?
Are you okay?
Bree?
You have to hurry.
Head to the engine room.
Sublevel three.
- Lead us there.
- Got it.
What the hell is that thing?
It's okay.
No one followed us.
This cave can keep us safe
from the storm.
The storm is what is keeping us safe.
For now.
What is wrong? Is danger approaching?
It's already here.
Almost there. It's just up ahead.
You said that two "up aheads" ago.
-
You know what happens to us
if we don't find... this girl.
Of the Scion?
This is valuable to everyone.
She's powerful,
maybe even dangerous.
Maybe both.
Okay.
Looks like something's attached to
the main feeds. Doc, you gotta see this.
- Remove it carefully.
- Ten seconds to skip.
Here, you see it?
- Eight...
- You see it?
- Seven, six...
- You have to remove it very carefully.
- Five, four...
- Carefully, huh?
- The hell with it!
- Three...
- Five... Four...
- Raaker!
Three... Two...
One...
- It really hurts!
- Three...
- Two... One...
- This is... terrible shock to my hand!
No good, no good.
- No...
- Zero...
Negative one...
Are those shadow puppets?
Oh, I love rabbits!
Shadow puppets...
Jack!
Sorry, we'll just have to
pause for just a second...
- Hey everybody!
- Hey! Hi!
- Where are you?
- We're in your house.
I am so sorry.
This meeting is gonna be... so fast.
- It's okay. It's alright.
- What do you think of the lost episode?
Dutch television has lower
standards than we do.
My skin looked amazing.
You were ten years old...
I bet the Dutch Chu-Hua
wouldn't be able to fit into
her original costume in ten years.
Yeah, she'll probably have to resize it.
A lot.
Are you driving and facetiming?
I do that!
You shouldn't.
It's dangerous and it's illegal.
- That law's unconstitutional.
- No, it's not.
Guys, everyone in Hollywood
is talking about Spectrum.
Spectrum the movie!
I haven't done a movie in forever.
My... kids are my career now.
I'll do the movie under one condition,
no crowd funding.
Socialist capitalism.
It's like a sheep fucking a farmer.
Okay guys, I have a proposition,
what if I were to get the rights to...
Shit, I'm getting pulled over.
No, no, no, finish what you were saying!
Punch it! You can outrun them!
Legally, you have to inform
them that you're armed.
- Legally.
- I'm not armed.
Good luck, hippy.
Hello there, officer.
Sir, you need to put the phone down now.
Holy shit...
- You're Jack Moore.
- That's right.
Son of a bitch, I almost shot you!
- What?
- Yeah!
I'm dealing with it.
Listen...
I'm a big fan of your movies,
but I gotta tell ya,
I am a much bigger fan of Spectrum.
- You don't say I have to.
- Seriously, yeah?
Well actually why don't you come
and take a look at this right here?
What is that?
Oh shit, what is that? Like a reunion?
Stutter! Hey, look...
Glock 21, man!
Oh, my god... Brenda! No way...
- Hey!
- Dawn... wow!
Hey, Officer Rickets!
Tiff?
Wow, we haven't seen you in a while!
Good for you.
When do you get the ankle bracelet off?
This one come off...
In two months, and this one in six.
This one should have already come off,
but when I'm wearing it, I get...
Amazing cell reception.
Good for you... Hey, Wray Nerely!
- Best pilot ever!
- Wray's here?
Wray, you're here!
- Is this part of the episode?
- Wray?
- Wray!
- I knew you'd make it, buddy!
You've been avoiding me.
Captain...
I don't mean to impose,
but can I get a photograph of you?
I thought you'd never ask.
Wray, we're gonna make a movie!
- A Spectrum movie?
- Yeah!
- Wray, when did you get here?
- Hey, kid!
You okay?
I think I made my smoothie
too strong this morning.
Alright then, let's get you some water.
Come here. Come here, okay.
Hey, you.
Oh, hey!
So... I guess that's a yes...
- What? What's...?
- My message?
Your... what? You know what? I haven't
had a chance to listen to it yet.
I can still tell when you're lying.
I haven't listened to it yet!
Did you just say something to her?
Her, Faith? Have you met Faith?
This is Jack's new assistant.
Yep.
You showed me pictures of your kids.
Because I have twins now.
- I'm married.
- Yep.
"Married..."
Why is Jack up there?
- With a cop?
- I need back up!
I need back up! I need back up!
-Oh man...
- Cover me! Cover me!
And not here?
He got a meeting for
that David O. Russell movie,
"But, John?"
But, John?
What? Like... like... like a toilet?
It was a play first.
"But what about John?"
They shortened it for the film.
But, comma, John.
- "But, John?"
- What is happening?
Sounds like a bizarre sex act.
Yeah...
Faith, get us started again.
I'll be right there.
- Wray...
- Oh, Jack is back!
Glad you made it, man. I knew you would.
Spectrum movie!
- Okay, buddy.
- Spectrum movie!
Where's Stutter?
He's right there.
There's a note here for...
Pussy.
- It's for me.
- I think... It might be for me.
Pussy...
Expected when you least
expect to see me...
Unexpectedly, because...
I think he ran out of...
Letters from a magazine.
I think... He's still upset you
outted him in that interview.
I thought everybody knew!
It's so obvious!
His hand gestures, the way he dresses...
I didn't know.
Who cares? Let's just start it.
Alright...
Here we go!
I'm gonna skip past the
shadow puppet theater here...
Do not underestimate the source!
Oh, my god!
Spoiler alert! Sorry!
I didn't mean to jump ahead that far.
Just give me a sec.
Jack was overacting.
Just kidding!
I looked hot.
Where's Wray?
Get off! Get off of me!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Abandon ship! To the escape pods!
Well, there's only one left.
And as captain...
- I should take it.
- Fuck you!
PJ Haars is broadcasting
the lost episode
and it's online!
It wasn't lost. It was stolen.
The whole cast is coming over.
Stutter's already here.
He keeps sharpening the kitchen knives.
Come over!
PJ Haars is getting his closure.
I'm gonna get mine.
Con Man - Episode 12 - "Found and Lost"
Approaching strong.
Four minutes to our first shallow skip.
Captain,
how are we even considering this?
Here.
Keep that storm for cover.
Get that kid out quiet.
We won't have time for a fight.
This all looks intact.
Cash, are you sure the
surge originated from here?
No, because the only person
who understands this goddamn ship is...
You're looking in the wrong place.
Bree...
- Bree!
- How are you even up?
Are you okay?
Bree?
You have to hurry.
Head to the engine room.
Sublevel three.
- Lead us there.
- Got it.
What the hell is that thing?
It's okay.
No one followed us.
This cave can keep us safe
from the storm.
The storm is what is keeping us safe.
For now.
What is wrong? Is danger approaching?
It's already here.
Almost there. It's just up ahead.
You said that two "up aheads" ago.
-
You know what happens to us
if we don't find... this girl.
Of the Scion?
This is valuable to everyone.
She's powerful,
maybe even dangerous.
Maybe both.
Okay.
Looks like something's attached to
the main feeds. Doc, you gotta see this.
- Remove it carefully.
- Ten seconds to skip.
Here, you see it?
- Eight...
- You see it?
- Seven, six...
- You have to remove it very carefully.
- Five, four...
- Carefully, huh?
- The hell with it!
- Three...
- Five... Four...
- Raaker!
Three... Two...
One...
- It really hurts!
- Three...
- Two... One...
- This is... terrible shock to my hand!
No good, no good.
- No...
- Zero...
Negative one...
Are those shadow puppets?
Oh, I love rabbits!
Shadow puppets...
Jack!
Sorry, we'll just have to
pause for just a second...
- Hey everybody!
- Hey! Hi!
- Where are you?
- We're in your house.
I am so sorry.
This meeting is gonna be... so fast.
- It's okay. It's alright.
- What do you think of the lost episode?
Dutch television has lower
standards than we do.
My skin looked amazing.
You were ten years old...
I bet the Dutch Chu-Hua
wouldn't be able to fit into
her original costume in ten years.
Yeah, she'll probably have to resize it.
A lot.
Are you driving and facetiming?
I do that!
You shouldn't.
It's dangerous and it's illegal.
- That law's unconstitutional.
- No, it's not.
Guys, everyone in Hollywood
is talking about Spectrum.
Spectrum the movie!
I haven't done a movie in forever.
My... kids are my career now.
I'll do the movie under one condition,
no crowd funding.
Socialist capitalism.
It's like a sheep fucking a farmer.
Okay guys, I have a proposition,
what if I were to get the rights to...
Shit, I'm getting pulled over.
No, no, no, finish what you were saying!
Punch it! You can outrun them!
Legally, you have to inform
them that you're armed.
- Legally.
- I'm not armed.
Good luck, hippy.
Hello there, officer.
Sir, you need to put the phone down now.
Holy shit...
- You're Jack Moore.
- That's right.
Son of a bitch, I almost shot you!
- What?
- Yeah!
I'm dealing with it.
Listen...
I'm a big fan of your movies,
but I gotta tell ya,
I am a much bigger fan of Spectrum.
- You don't say I have to.
- Seriously, yeah?
Well actually why don't you come
and take a look at this right here?
What is that?
Oh shit, what is that? Like a reunion?
Stutter! Hey, look...
Glock 21, man!
Oh, my god... Brenda! No way...
- Hey!
- Dawn... wow!
Hey, Officer Rickets!
Tiff?
Wow, we haven't seen you in a while!
Good for you.
When do you get the ankle bracelet off?
This one come off...
In two months, and this one in six.
This one should have already come off,
but when I'm wearing it, I get...
Amazing cell reception.
Good for you... Hey, Wray Nerely!
- Best pilot ever!
- Wray's here?
Wray, you're here!
- Is this part of the episode?
- Wray?
- Wray!
- I knew you'd make it, buddy!
You've been avoiding me.
Captain...
I don't mean to impose,
but can I get a photograph of you?
I thought you'd never ask.
Wray, we're gonna make a movie!
- A Spectrum movie?
- Yeah!
- Wray, when did you get here?
- Hey, kid!
You okay?
I think I made my smoothie
too strong this morning.
Alright then, let's get you some water.
Come here. Come here, okay.
Hey, you.
Oh, hey!
So... I guess that's a yes...
- What? What's...?
- My message?
Your... what? You know what? I haven't
had a chance to listen to it yet.
I can still tell when you're lying.
I haven't listened to it yet!
Did you just say something to her?
Her, Faith? Have you met Faith?
This is Jack's new assistant.
Yep.
You showed me pictures of your kids.
Because I have twins now.
- I'm married.
- Yep.
"Married..."
Why is Jack up there?
- With a cop?
- I need back up!
I need back up! I need back up!
-Oh man...
- Cover me! Cover me!
And not here?
He got a meeting for
that David O. Russell movie,
"But, John?"
But, John?
What? Like... like... like a toilet?
It was a play first.
"But what about John?"
They shortened it for the film.
But, comma, John.
- "But, John?"
- What is happening?
Sounds like a bizarre sex act.
Yeah...
Faith, get us started again.
I'll be right there.
- Wray...
- Oh, Jack is back!
Glad you made it, man. I knew you would.
Spectrum movie!
- Okay, buddy.
- Spectrum movie!
Where's Stutter?
He's right there.
There's a note here for...
Pussy.
- It's for me.
- I think... It might be for me.
Pussy...
Expected when you least
expect to see me...
Unexpectedly, because...
I think he ran out of...
Letters from a magazine.
I think... He's still upset you
outted him in that interview.
I thought everybody knew!
It's so obvious!
His hand gestures, the way he dresses...
I didn't know.
Who cares? Let's just start it.
Alright...
Here we go!
I'm gonna skip past the
shadow puppet theater here...
Do not underestimate the source!
Oh, my god!
Spoiler alert! Sorry!
I didn't mean to jump ahead that far.
Just give me a sec.
Jack was overacting.
Just kidding!
I looked hot.
Where's Wray?
Get off! Get off of me!
Fuck you! Fuck you!