Community (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 6 - Advanced Documentary Filmmaking - full transcript

Community
S04E06
Advanced Documentary Filmmaking

(Dramatic music)

My name is Kevin,
or so they tell me.

Actually, they told me my
birth name is Benjamin Chang,

but I can't remember anything
before six months ago.

But by using
a special, shiny glass

called a mirror,

I've estimated
that I'm 15 years old,

although I have no way
of knowing.

Changnesia is a fascinating
and extremely rare disease

on the forefront of the
psychological landscape.



Dr. Kedan: Compared with your
garden variety amnesia,

Changnesia is immeasurably
more complex.

Its varied and seemingly
random symptoms,

its resistance to both traditional
and new age medicine,

why Changnesia
affects the memory

but not the ability
to make forced puns...

These are all things we can study
now that someone finally has it.

I first met Chang when I hired him
as a Spanish teacher at Greendale.

Then he became
a disgraced student,

psychopathic music major,

homeless vent dweller,
security guard, keytarist,

power hungry warlord,
and now, Kevin.

It's sad to see him like this.

Well, it's mixed.



He was pretty terrible before.

I'm developing a theory
which some find controversial.

Perhaps Chang
actually used to be Kevin,

went crazy, and became Chang.

And then, at some point,

Chang hit his head,
went un-crazy,

thereby reverting back
to regular old Kevin again.

Dr. Kedan:
That makes no sense.

Science tells us

hitting his head
would only cure him

if hitting his head
was the original cause.

Told you it was controversial.

Here at Greendale,
we accept all students,

whoever they may be
or have forgotten they were.

But assisting
in Kevin's recovery

has put a financial strain
on the school.

That's why we are appealing

to the Macguffin Neurological Institute
for this $40,000 Grant,

so we can continue to fight
this terrible disease

and hopefully, one day,
pay for this documentary.

How was that, Abed?
That's too beggy?

Abed:
No, that was great.

But I could use a new camera,
with a smoother zoom.

Oh, okay. Well, just be sure
to get my good side, okay?

This documentary
needs to be convincing.

This needs to be the hoop dreams
of things people care about.

We rolling?

The dean
wants a propaganda film,

but I intend to explore all
sides of this serious issue,

including those who don't
think it's a serious issue.

- Hey, Jeff.
- What are you doing?

Making a documentary
on Changnesia.

- You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Abed: Got it. Beautiful.

All right, let's get
one more for safety.

Jeff, back to one.
Jeff?

♪ Give me some rope
tie me to dream

♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam

♪ somebody said it can be here

♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year

♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay

♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪

I'm telling you, we should have
sprung for the name brand glitter.

Look, cheap glitter,
expensive glitter.

Money talks, people.

Guys, did you hear?

The history of ice cream class
had another heart attack.

Three more, and we're all in.

Yes.

What's the Macguffin Institute?

Pierce: Fine.
I'll tell him.

But one day, you'll all be old
and slow and lose at things,

and when that day comes,

I won't remember
what I'm doing now.

Lord, the Macguffin institute is
coming to Greendale on Friday

because they might give the
school money to study Changnesia.

Changnesia isn't a disease.
It's a con.

You're seriously
helping this lunatic?

He kept the dean in a dungeon.

He tried to kill us.
He ate his twin in utero.

That was Chang.
This is Kevin.

They're the same idiot.

How would you know? Have you ever
even spent any time with him, Jeff?

I was reluctant to accept
Kevin at first, too, but...

he's just so sweet.

The world is brand new to him.

He approaches everything
with the wonderment

of a small child
or a cartoon alien.

Whoa.

This makes things smaller.

No, no...
Bigger.

Oh, bigger.

Well, enjoy your collective delusion.
I'm going to go get a sandwich,

which, unlike Changnesia,
is real.

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We want to know how you feel about
the Macguffin people visiting.

I need it on camera.

- It's stupid.
- What's stupid?

- The whole thing.
- Okay, put it together for me.

"The whole thing is stupid." All right,
thanks, buddy. I'll cut it together.

(People talking indistinctly)

- Shirley.
- Hmm?

You don't seriously think
Chang is Kevin, do you?

No, I believe the good lord made
Chang Chang. Kevin is a choice.

Thank you. I'm seriously worried
about the rest of the group.

Not only have they
drunk the Kevin kool-aid,

they're in the study room right now,
making banners, debating glitter...

Well, I'd love to keep talking about this,
but I gotta get to work.

No, Shirley, you've got
to help me stop this.

You're the only
sane person left.

Welcome to Shirley's sandwiches,
where the food is Kevin-ly.

- You hired Chang?
- Hmm?

The customers love Kevin.

I think it's because
he's a good listener.

Most words are new to him, so
it's all still fascinating.

I'm Kevin.
And you are?

Not calling you Kevin.

Hi, not calling you Kevin.

What are you having?

- None of this.
- Okay.

Uh, listen.

I don't care what he calls
himself, he's a hard worker.

We're all broken people, Jeffrey,
we all deserve a second chance.

Like how I gave Andre
a second chance.

It doesn't mean I forgot.
I just forgave.

Chang didn't sleep with a stripper.
He tried to kill us.

Why does everyone keep
forgetting about that?

But he didn't. And you used
to be a sleazy lawyer.

What if Greendale never
gave you a second chance?

Jeff: What Shirley said
really made me think.

I mean, all my friends
believe this guy.

What does it say about me
that I don't?

(Knocking at door)

Hmm?
Yes?

Ugh, and cue wet blanket Winger

to tell us that we're
all wasting our time.

Actually, no.

I had a really good
conversation with Shirley,

and I realized
I've been acting like a jerk.

If it's not too late,

I'd love to help out
in any way I can.

Jeffrey, that's amazing.

I knew you'd come around.

All right, Abed, get
us in panning singles.

And can you say "powwow"
instead of "conversation"?

It just sounds more you.

All right, action. Okay, you going to
make an entrance? Great.

What does it say?

It says I have gullible friends
who will believe anybody,

and I need
to make that anybody me.

By exposing Chang
in front of the whole school.

Abed: Wow. Much like the
classic documentary

Capturing the Friedmans,

my story just took a
completely unexpected turn.

Jeff, if you want this done right,
I'm going to need a steadicam for Garrett.

That's showbiz.

(Shouts)

(Crashes)

Annie: We were all pretty
happy when Jeff came around.

He became really gung-ho
about Abed's documentary,

and had a lot of great ideas

about how to impress
the Macguffin people.

And that's why Pierce

should host the reception.

He speaks their language.

Finally, somebody's
making some sense.

I've got a blackface
senor Wences bit

I've been workshopping.

Perfect.

Annie, we need to find out

what happened to Kevin before
he showed up at Greendale.

What hellish experiences did he
overcome during those missing months?

Do you think you can use your forensic
knowhow to do some investigating?

Investigating?
Obvi.

Can I help?

If you're willing to
learn, sure, partner.

"Partner."
I like that.

I'm going
to call you "Houlihan."

"Partner" and "Houlihan."

Jeff: Okay.

The postman found Kevin here.

He said he was soaking wet
and smelled like fish.

I know it's not a lot
to go on...

Um, it's almost
too much to go on.

Look, Sullivan's trout farm
is just 1/4 mile away.

Who do you think you're
dealing with, Winger?

I don't know, Houlihan.
Seems sort of thin.

In an investigation, one dude always
has to go opposite the other dude.

That's how they
get things done.

Well, you guys can work it out.

- Yeah, we will.
- No, we won't.

- Britta, Shirley...
- Shirley: Oh, that's me.

I want you to take this camera

and follow Chang around
for his day-to-day.

Really get into the life of
a functioning Changnesiac.

I want you to go
inside his home, work, pod.

Just get everything.

Ooh, that's great advertising
for my growing business.

Okay, I'll do it. And with
my photography skills...

Jeff, thank you.

When the dean told me
you were going to help me,

I couldn't believe it.

A cool, smart lawyer
like yourself

reaching out
to a little nobody like me?

I never told you
I was a lawyer.

No, you didn't.

Shirley said it, remember?

You said,
"you hired Chang?"

And I said, "I'm
Kevin, and you are?"

And you said,
"not calling you Kevin,"

and I said, "hi, not calling you Kevin.
What are you having?"

And you said,
"none of this."

And then Shirley said, "I don't
care what he calls himself.

"He's a hard worker.

"We're all broken people, and
we all deserve a second chance.

"Like how I gave Andre
a second chance.

"Doesn't mean I forgot.
I just forgave."

And you said, "Chang didn't
sleep with a stripper.

"He tried to kill us.

"Why does everyone keep
forgetting all that?"

And then Shirley said,
"but he didn't.

"And you used
to be a sleazy lawyer."

Her words.

Wow. That's quite a
memory you have.

Well, my short term memory
has actually improved.

My doctor calls it a, um...

side effect.

Jeff: Oh.

Well played, Chang.

The chess match has begun.

What...

I'm Chinese?

Do you want to get some footage
while we're waiting for Kevin?

Shirley: Maybe we could take some shots
of my delicious bread baking,

or the affordable prices

on our new Shirley's
sandwiches super saver menu.

Or we could get to know the
Shirley behind the sandwiches.

- Here, give me that camera.
- Oh. Okay.

Be careful, now.
It's Abed's camera.

- All right.
- Watch it.

Britta: Oh, where is
the stop button on this?

Oh, here it is.
Okay.

- You want to hear my pitch?
- Mmm-hmm.

A strong, independent woman,

starting her own business.

An "entrepreneu-her,"
if you will.

Or maybe a businesswoman?

Okay, fine.
Think inside the box.

All right.
Are you ready?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Action.

- (Whimpering)
- Cut. Oh! Beautiful.

You don't think
the song was too much?

Are you kidding me?
It made the scene.

You know what?

I want to get some better
lighting up in this noise.

Let's go hit up Abed.

I never told anybody
that story, Britta.

Oh, it was beautiful.

Shirley: I was dead
for three minutes.

Britta: Three minutes?

Shirley: Three whole minutes.
They thought I was gone.

Pierce.

How's your act coming?

- Blackface senor Wences?
- Mmm-hmm.

How do you think it's coming?

(Laughing)

In the unlikely event

I fail to expose Chang,

I'm pretty confident Pierce will
make sure we don't get a Grant.

What you talkin' about, hookey?

Wow, that bit could not
get any more perfect.

Wait a minute.

I haven't introduced you
to my Asian wife yet.

(High-pitched)
Uh-oh...

I was wrong.

(Humming)

- This is the place.
- No, it's not.

- (Sighs)
- (Sighs)

(Dog barking)

Garrett, here he comes. Get up.

I can't.
It's too heavy!

Garrett, now.

Now.

(Garrett breathing heavily)

Excuse me,
Mr. Sullivan.

This is Houlihan.
I'm her partner, Partner.

- Wait, I'm Partner.
- No, you're not.

We'd like to ask you
a couple of questions.

What are you, the trout police?

Because if you are, you're legally bound
to tell me, or else it's entrapment.

We're not the trout police.

Have you seen this man?

One morning, I see something
coming out of the trout tank,

and at first, I was scared,
because, uh, I'm the last face

that a lot of trout ever see.

I'm not saying that the
trout are a vengeful breed,

but if they were, I...

I'd probably be public enemy number one.
(Chuckles)

So the figure that emerged,
it was that man?

Yeah, and I was pretty relieved when
I found out it was a naked Asian guy,

and not an angry trout.

And when was this?

Oh, it must have been
around June.

I remember because
my milkweed allergies

were acting up
something fierce.

I gave him some clothes, and sent
him on his way the next morning.

I don't know what happened
to him after that.

Mr. Sullivan, how many
employees do you have here?

Employees?

What do I look like,
trout world?

(Laughs)

No employees.
Heh, just me.

(Dog barking)

And my dog.

Annie: I knew he was
hiding something.

A spike in production in June,

at the peak
of milkweed allergy season?

Something on this trout farm was
starting to smell... wrong.

The problem was, I didn't have
any way to make him talk.

Or did I?

Well, looks like
everything checks out here.

Right, Troy?

No, Houlihan, I don't think
anything checks out here.

No, don't fly off the handle, Partner.

Oh, I will fly
off the handle, Houlihan.

What the hell
are you talking about?

I'm sorry,
Mr. Sullivan.

Clearly, you have
nothing to hide.

What are you hiding?

Fine!
(Dog barking)

You got me.

I've been using that Asian
guy as unpaid, manual labor

for three months before
I drove him into town.

But he wanted me to!

We were friends,

and I treated him
with respect and dignity.

Partner and Houlihan.

(Dog barking)

Shut up, Kevin!

Both: (Whispering)
Partner and Houlihan.

Jeff: I don't understand.

Why would he work for no money?

Because he doesn't know
about money.

Kevin doesn't know about labor
laws, or 40-hour work weeks,

or that that dude named him
after a dog.

Growing up,
I had a cat named Troy,

a bird named Troy,
and a hamster named Troy.

They were all older than me.

Oh, my God.

I think Kevin's struggle just
got a lot sexier, Grant-wise.

This is horrible.

Jeff: It was horrible.

They were supposed to
come back with a smoking gun,

and all they found was a
little human rights abuse.

Which, normally, is terrible.

Abed: So do you
believe Kevin now?

No.
I want all your footage.

I know Chang slipped up.

He's not smart enough
to play dumb all the time.

What about
Shirley and Britta's footage?

It's unusable crap.

I don't care.
I want it all.

Do you want it bad enough
to rent me a crane?

And maybe license
an expensive song?

Yeah, whatever.

♪ The itsy-bitsy spider

♪ went up the water spout

unusable crap is generous.

It goes on like this
for another 12 hours.

I couldn't even get through it all,
and I sat through The Tree of Life.

Wait, right there.
What's that?

Oh, come on,
you slippery snake, slip up.

Doubtful.
When he's alone,

he mostly just practices smiling
and frowning. We've all done it.

(Phone dialing)

Abed: Who's he calling?

Jeff: Good question.

We figure that out,

we've got our smoking gun.

And all thanks to Britta.

Don't ruin this.

Abed: The stage was set for
a climatic final set piece.

The Macguffin people
were on campus,

and Jeff had prepared
quite the presentation.

(High-pitched gibberish)

You shut up.

(High-pitched)
But I love you.

You get yourself in the kitchen,
and make me a burrito.

Oh, okay, yay!
Oh, thank you.

Okay, thank you,
Pierce Hawthorne

for your special blend
of playful racial humor.

Pelton: And genuine thoughts
on Geraldine ferraro.

(Chuckles)
He's an old Teddy bear.

And now, I believe Jeff
Winger has a presentation.

- Yay.
- Ugh.

Thank you.
I must confess,

I was just a short while
ago quite skeptical

about Changnesia.

But, with the help
of my friends,

we have uncovered a lot
about this terrible,

newly-discovered,
completely real disease.

I think you'll find it
as eye-opening as I did.

Wait till you see
what we found.

Kevin was a victim
of human trafficking.

Our purpose here tonight
is to help cure Kevin

of his Changnesia.

Who better to jog his memory

than someone special from
his allegedly erased past.

So please welcome to the stage
the former Mrs. Ben Chang, Alessandra.

Alessandra, come on up.

Thank you.

Ben...

do you remember me?

I'm sorry.

I don't.

Admit it, Kevin.

You remember her.

This is the woman
you never stopped loving.

Hit the lights!

(Phone dialing on screen)

(All gasp)

Oh...

You love her so much,

you called her over and
over and over again,

even though you don't know her

or how to use a phone
or what a number is.

(All gasp)

Alessandra:
What's going on here?

You told me
I was here to help him.

Oh, we are here
to help him, all right.

We are here to help him admit that he
has been faking this whole time.

Where'd you get
the number, Chang?

I found it in the vents!

It's 555-0190.

And it was the most beautiful
thing I'd ever seen.

But I always hung up,
because...

I didn't know if the
person on the other end

would ever want
to talk to Kevin...

after knowing Chang.

You seem so nice.

If we were really married,

I wish I could remember for even
one moment how lucky I was.

- Oh...
- Aw...

Oh, Ben.

(Giggling)

Uh!

(Thuds)
(All gasp)

Jeffrey, what are you doing?

Look, if he doesn't remember her,
then this wouldn't bother him.

My logic is flawless!

(All shriek, shocked chatter)

Doesn't that bother you?
That bothers you!

Abed: Things got so ugly,

I hesitate to even
show you this footage.

But I will let you see
me reacting to it.

That'll probably be
more than you can handle.

(Shocked chatter)

Mmm...

Actually, it's not that bad,
but this keeps the story moving.

Hey, Alessandra,

his last girlfriend
was a charred mannequin leg!

Jeffrey!
Have you lost your mind?

You never believed Kevin?

You were just lying to manipulate
us into helping you hurt him?

Jeffrey, I trusted you
and believed in you

and fantasized about celebrating
over mimosas with you!

Dean, if this is the sort
of uphill battle

you're facing in the fight
against Changnesia,

well, then, you're gonna need
all the help you can get.

On behalf of the Macguffin
neurological institute,

Grant granted.
(All exclaim)

(Excited chatter)

Jeff: So...
I guess I did help.

Just not in the way
I wanted to.

But, on the bright side,

this is the most well-documented
failure of my life.

(Indistinct chatter)

(Cheers and applause)

Thank you.

Jeff: By trying to make
Kevin a pariah,

I accidentally
became more Chang

than Chang at his Changiest.

(Laughs)

That's funny.

Well, I didn't try
to kill anyone.

Which no one
seems to care about.

But you know what I'm saying.

(Indistinct chatter)

Can I sit here?

You sure you want
to be seen with me?

You have a brand-new
reputation to uphold.

(Chuckles)

I like you.

Really?

Even after
everything I did to...

Whoever you are?

(Chuckles)
Okay, I get it.

Changnesia's hard
to understand.

At least, that's what
people tell me.

Now, I don't know
a thing about it,

which apparently is one of the symptoms,
and it's so frustrating.

Look, I know Chang
was a bad guy.

So he probably deserved
everything you did to him.

But you're not a bad guy.

You just made a mistake.

And I'm willing to start
over fresh if you are.

Hi.

My name's Kevin.

Jeff: I'm not saying
I believe him.

But I have got an idea of what
it feels like to be Chang.

Wanting to leave
that name behind

is the sanest decision
anyone can make.

(New radicals'
you get what you give)

♪ 1, 2

Hi.

♪ 1, 2, 3

I'm Jeff.

♪ But when the night is falling

♪ you cannot find the light

all: Aw.

Thanks.

A lot of filmmakers use crane
shots to elicit emotion.

What the heck, Abed?

You knew what Jeffrey was
planning to do the whole time?

Why can't you ever
make a documentary

about the thing you plan
to make a documentary about?

Don't censor him!

Censorship.
(Gasps)

- This is the documentary.
- Ugh.

Abed, you gotta teach me
how to use that camera.

(Imitates gunshot)

Guys... I'm sorry.

I really screwed up.

I hope you can forgive me.

Already forgotten.

(Laughter)
Oh...

(Laughter continues)

- Shirley: Kevin...
- What are we laughing about?

- Jeff: Oh, Kevin.
- All: Kevin...

(Laughter)

- Adorable.
- Good job.

I don't get it.

(Chuckles)

(Haunting music)

(Dialing phone)

Hi, it's me.

They all finally bought it.

Hook, line, and Winger.

I patiently await
your further instructions.

Chang out.

(Chuckling)

(Cackling maniacally)

Why did I do that?
Man...

(Cackling maniacally)