Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - I Want Sandwiches, I Want Chicken - full transcript
ripped by antsh
This is a 1960 Rolls-Royce
Silver Cloud II.
It has a 6.2-liter V8 engine.
The horsepower
is listed as "adequate."
It has a very elegant
turning radius of 42 feet.
-Hello?
-Carl?
-Yeah?
-It's Jerry.
Oh, Jerry, yes, yes, how are you?
I was in the area and I was wondering
if you'd like to go grab a coffee.
You know something?
I was just about to have breakfast.
-You caught me at a perfect time.
-Oh, fantastic, I'll be by in a few minutes.
I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
My very special guests today
are comedy legends Carl Reiner...
...and his pal of 62 years, Mel Brooks.
A long time ago, a guy came up to me
and he said:
"Can you give me a buck
for a sandwich?"
And I said, "I'll give you a buck...
...if you promise me one thing."
He says, "What?"
I said, "You go get a drink.
Because you look like
you can use a drink."
-What do you think of it so far?
-It is quite beautiful.
As a car, it's horrible.
-Really?
-Yeah. But it's a nice living room.
-Yeah.
-With wheels.
-Was that your car making that noise?
-Yeah.
Wow, this is not very elegant.
I bet you nobody knows that the first
four episodes ofSeinfeldwere shot...
...on the same stage as
The Dick Van Dyke Show.
-I remember that.
-Remember?
-I remember coming--
-You visited.
The very first show.
-You have a breakfast menu?
-What could they have on the menu...
...that you're not aware of?
How many breakfasts have you had?
No, I just want to check the prices.
My name is Ruthie
and I'll be your server.
-We're gonna be your eaters.
-Oh, okay!
I'm gonna have soft scrambled eggs
and very, very crisp bacon.
So crisp, they'll say, "That's too crisp."
That's it.
-And I'll have orange juice and coffee.
-A cup of coffee.
-Mel comes every night.
-Every night.
-How long is that relationship?
-From 1950 on.
So that's 62 years.
First day I met him, he got up
and did a Jewish pirate. Hysterical.
You know, he said, "I can't afford
to pillage and rape anymore.
Three dollars and 50 cents
for a sailcloth, who can afford that?"
He went on. And the following day...
...I came in and said, "Here's a man
who was at the scene of the crucifixion...
...2000 years ago,"
and I started to interview--
Because he had done the pirate,
so you went back even further.
I said, "Here's a man
who knows everything."
Okay, so Mel comes over.
About what time
would you say he gets there?
-Eight o'clock to eat--
-And what do you guys watch?
We like a movie if somebody says,
"Secure the perimeter!"
Anything where they
secure the perimeter?
And somebody says, "Get some rest."
"Get some rest."
We watchJeopardy!when we eat.
But wait a minute,
Jeopardy!'snot on at 8:00.
-I tape it.
-You--
-I wanna know every detail of this.
-Well, one of the things he does...
...and he feels free to do that,
he's watching television....
-He falls asleep with his mouth open.
-Well, that's what old men do.
That's a privilege of old man-ness.
That's another thing,
I like to tape baseball games...
...so I don't have to
watch them scratch.
I can move it forward.
One strike, two strikes.
Yeah, at this age, you wanna--
You don't have time--
-To show hits and catches.
-Compression, compression.
Well, that seems like a pretty nice life.
-Yeah. It's a good life. Yes.
-I have to say.
The nicest part about it,
and I mean this sincerely...
...is to have a friend, and that you guys
still live near each other...
...and get together.
You never go to his house?
He's an excellent driver.
Hell, he's younger.
-He's four, five years younger.
-Right. Yeah, he's a kid.
-I haven't had bacon in an awful long time.
-That's why you're 90.
We really should tip her before we eat.
-Tip before we eat?
-Yeah.
The timing of the check coming
at the end of the meal makes no sense.
Because that's when the food
is the least interesting to you.
-When you go in the restaurant...
-That's a great....
...you're so excited. The appetizers
and you're anticipating...
...we're gonna have this great night.
Then in the end, there's a cigarette butt
in the mashed potatoes...
...and then they want money for it.
And you're not hungry anymore.
You can't understand
why you did this whole thing.
-Thank you. Please come again.
-Thank you.
We haven't left yet.
I had a friend who never
picked up a check without saying:
"They're charging for butter?"
Let me see the room
where you guys watch TV.
Oh, here,
Mel brought these yesterday.
Dances With Wolves?
Boy, you're really just catching up.
-Anyway, this is where he sits.
-Right.
-When he eats, he sits here.
-This is the Mel Brooks-Carl Reiner table.
-You order them on TV?
-Yes, absolutely.
-Oh, oh, one more thing.
-Yeah?
-Mel is coming over tonight.
-Right.
-Would you like to come?
-That'd be a huge thrill.
I would love to do that.
-Nate 'n Al's. What do you want?
-You like hot tongue sandwich?
-Yes.
-What does Mel like?
-Chicken in a pot.
-Chicken in a pot.
-All right. Fantastic.
-Okay, so 8.
-I'll see you.
-All right.
-Who's that?
-It's probably Seinfeld.
Hello?
-Did you bring food?
-I did.
Hi, Mel.
Well, this looks like potato salad.
I want sandwiches, I want chicken.
Did you bring soup too?
-Look at Carl working here.
-Really.
Guy gets hit by a car,
little Jewish man...
...and the friend says, "Get a pillow."
Put it under his head.
He says, "Are you comfortable?"
And the guy says, "I make a living."
I've never heard anyone
do the punch line like that.
Are you turkey or roast beef?
-This thing just keeps on going.
-My doctor says don't eat salt.
-So I don't.
-Do you miss it?
No one has ever asked me that.
-We're all, you know, comic....
-Luminaries.
-Luminaries, yeah.
-What do you think "R.B." is?
-Roast beef.
-You're ready forJeopardy!, I can see.
Oh, yeah.
Are you eating
corned beef or pastrami?
The roast beef. Well, cheers.
Thank you for doing this, by the way.
Do you have any idea what you're doing?
No. That's good.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I met a girl. She was incredibly thin.
I took her to a restaurant.
She was so thin, the maître d' said:
"Check your umbrella."
I'm not making this up.
But you don't do that.
-You do characters.
-No.
-No, well, you do--
-Tell him what I do.
You know, Mel,
you have never seen him work in person.
-I've always seen--
-What are you bothering him for?
-No, because I will.
-No, you won't.
Now I will.
But do you ever work anymore?
-You said you're going to Caesar's.
-You're not going to Caesar's.
No, no, I'm not gonna go.
You know who I admire lately?
And not because I think he's funny.
I admire his commercial aptitude.
-Who is that?
-Louis C.K.
-Oh, his business acumen?
-Yes!
One thing for sure, Mel, is this is
getting cut out. I'll be damned...
-...if I'm gonna sit here hyping Louis C.K.
-I don't blame you.
Get Smart. That was a show
that changed my life.
-He just played it here last night.
-I got Buck Henry to come over.
-Yeah.
-We watched the pilot, I said, "Buck.
Just for my box set, do me a favor.
Let's watch the pilot again,
see what we can remember."
He said,
"I came up with the Cone of Silence.
-Really?
-You came up with the shoe phone."
Oh, God, you're breaking my heart.
I love that show.
Every day, I went to Chock full o'Nuts.
And a guy started bothering me...
...started pulling at my coat.
Norman Steinberg.
-Jewish fella?
-Wonderful writer.
And he said, "I'm a lawyer.
I don't wanna be a lawyer.
I wanna be a comedy writer."
So I said, "Look, I have a show
calledGet Smart.
See the show
and write aGet Smartepisode."
Agent 99 and 86 and....
So he did.
He wrote a couple ofGet Smarts.
I don't know if they used that show
but they used him.
It was likeThe Godfather.
I said, "You owe me.
I want you to be
one of the writers onBlazing Saddles."
That's the most amazing story
I've ever heard.
-That doesn't usually go like that.
-No.
To me, when you take a big chance
is when you bring...
...a posse of cowboys
onto a sound stage...
...where they're doing a gay
Busby Berkeley dance number.
I saw that a few weeks ago
and I thought:
-"The balls on this guy."
-Yeah.
-Were you sure this was gonna work?
-No.
Whenever I lecture or teach
or do anything...
...I say, "It's gotta please you.
If you don't laugh, they won't laugh."
-Right.
-I knew it tickled me.
I even wrote a line
where one of the gay dancers says...
...to a rough cowboy after
he fights, he fights with him...
...he cries, and the cowboy pets him...
...and the cowboy says,
"I'm parked behind the commissary."
Billy Wilder said, "The reason
I'm having lunch with you now...
...is because you had
a hundred cowboys...
...break through a set at Warner Bros.
with gay dancers."
He said, "I've been around,
I've never seen anything like that."
If Billy Wilder likes it, I must be good.
-He was my god.
-You're good.
Interestingly, both of these aspects
of both of you guys did things that are...
...inside show business things.
A joke about the commissary...
...you'd think, "Who will know
what a commissary is?
-I didn't care.
-Who will know what sitcom writers are?"
I needed a black guy to justify
our inordinate use of the N-word.
Richie Pryor was a good friend,
we hung out together.
So he joined us.
So I had Andrew Bergman, Richie Pryor,
Norman and Alan Uger.
-He had a partner, a dentist--
-A lawyer and a dentist.
He never gave up being a dentist,
this guy, Alan Uger.
He wrote comedy on the side,
he was very good.
-You're kidding.
-The five of us wroteBlazing Saddles.
We wrote a lot of it in New York
and then I took Norman with me.
-When I go to a comedy club--
-Why would you go to a comedy club?
Well, I mean, sometimes
I'm interested in attitudes.
-I smell comedy, I really do.
-Yeah.
I knew very early at the Village Vanguard
when I saw Richard Pryor.
-Right. Right.
-Became his pal. "This guy got it."
Chris Rock, I saw right away,
I said, "He's funny."
Chris Rock, that was '96.
This is 2012.
That's a long time between
guys breaking out.
This is 2012?
Holy.... I have so many appoint--
I'm sorry, this is terrible to do, but I--
2012? Holy shit.
-So I had this idea...
-Right.
...about this movie about
Bialystock and Bloom...
...about the ego and the id.
I mean, I was driven.
If he had spent his time with this,
he wouldn't have never doneProducers.
I knew that. I kind of knew,
if I got stuck in a sitcom...
-...it's a swamp. It's quicksand.
-You're telling me.
WhenThe Producerscame out,
the play....
Is that you thought that there was
a profound revenge for Hitler's crimes...
-...in making fun of him.
-Kenny Mars came in...
...and read it, and I was stunned.
I mean, he was so German.
But the very fact that he did
the definitive work against Hitler...
-...in the world...
-Right.
...and that the musical
played in Germany...
-...and was the biggest hit.
-Really?
Yes. I won number one play--
In Berlin that season...
...I won the Ernst Lubitsch Award
for theater.
-The fact that--
-I don't know whether they liked it...
...or they were apologizing.
I'm not sure.
Hank Mancini had made
an instrumental version...
...of "Springtime for Hitler."
With the:
A little Latin.
And it's playing, and I'm with a bunch
of people in an elevator, a nice lady...
...and they're swaying. And I said:
"If they only knew the lyrics,"
you know?
It's challenging and it's fun.
That's why you jumped
into little clubs to say--
With brand-new material
that is bound to fail.
"How can I just--?
If I can get two laughs tonight."
Right. I could talk about comedy a lot,
but I think it's like talking about sex.
You can do any fancy dive you want,
it's just a foot of water.
That's funny.
Did you ever say this before?
-No.
-That's good.
How is this possible?
That you have this mug?
"Old Jews telling jokes."
I'm an old Jew, I'll tell a joke.
This is a comedy class. Morty sees
Moshe on the street and says:
"Moshe, I heard about the fire!"
And he said:
"Thursday."
See, you get it? See, look at all
the acting I did. For a lousy joke.
To me, you're royalty.
I'm just a prince, I'm not a king.
I went to see Alan King at
the Meadowland, and I saw Alan King...
...do two hours of the most brilliant stuff
on his family, his brothers.
I met you at an Alan King show
at the Westbury Music Fair--
That's it! That's the time.
I only saw him one time in my whole life.
-That's--
-I was 8 years old.
-You're kidding. Is this true?
-Yes.
And I snuck backstage, there's
a little dressing room, I walked in it.
You were sitting there.
Alan King was there.
I got his autograph and yours
and I still have it.
-Wow, is this true?
-Yeah!
This was a surprisingly
enjoyable experience.
-Really? Thanks again, Mel.
-All right.
-I love you.
-Love you too. Great to see you.
-All right, ladies and germs. Okay.
-All right.
Have a good night.
That is a gorgeous car.
I'm glad you like it.
-What year was it?
-1970.
I was 5. Good night, everybody!
Wonderful working with you.
-Stop that.
-Jerry.
What's the difference between
a Jew and a Frenchman?
A Frenchman leaves
without saying goodbye.
-Yeah.
-And a Jew...
...says goodbye and never leaves.
That was a great joke.
This is a 1960 Rolls-Royce
Silver Cloud II.
It has a 6.2-liter V8 engine.
The horsepower
is listed as "adequate."
It has a very elegant
turning radius of 42 feet.
-Hello?
-Carl?
-Yeah?
-It's Jerry.
Oh, Jerry, yes, yes, how are you?
I was in the area and I was wondering
if you'd like to go grab a coffee.
You know something?
I was just about to have breakfast.
-You caught me at a perfect time.
-Oh, fantastic, I'll be by in a few minutes.
I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
My very special guests today
are comedy legends Carl Reiner...
...and his pal of 62 years, Mel Brooks.
A long time ago, a guy came up to me
and he said:
"Can you give me a buck
for a sandwich?"
And I said, "I'll give you a buck...
...if you promise me one thing."
He says, "What?"
I said, "You go get a drink.
Because you look like
you can use a drink."
-What do you think of it so far?
-It is quite beautiful.
As a car, it's horrible.
-Really?
-Yeah. But it's a nice living room.
-Yeah.
-With wheels.
-Was that your car making that noise?
-Yeah.
Wow, this is not very elegant.
I bet you nobody knows that the first
four episodes ofSeinfeldwere shot...
...on the same stage as
The Dick Van Dyke Show.
-I remember that.
-Remember?
-I remember coming--
-You visited.
The very first show.
-You have a breakfast menu?
-What could they have on the menu...
...that you're not aware of?
How many breakfasts have you had?
No, I just want to check the prices.
My name is Ruthie
and I'll be your server.
-We're gonna be your eaters.
-Oh, okay!
I'm gonna have soft scrambled eggs
and very, very crisp bacon.
So crisp, they'll say, "That's too crisp."
That's it.
-And I'll have orange juice and coffee.
-A cup of coffee.
-Mel comes every night.
-Every night.
-How long is that relationship?
-From 1950 on.
So that's 62 years.
First day I met him, he got up
and did a Jewish pirate. Hysterical.
You know, he said, "I can't afford
to pillage and rape anymore.
Three dollars and 50 cents
for a sailcloth, who can afford that?"
He went on. And the following day...
...I came in and said, "Here's a man
who was at the scene of the crucifixion...
...2000 years ago,"
and I started to interview--
Because he had done the pirate,
so you went back even further.
I said, "Here's a man
who knows everything."
Okay, so Mel comes over.
About what time
would you say he gets there?
-Eight o'clock to eat--
-And what do you guys watch?
We like a movie if somebody says,
"Secure the perimeter!"
Anything where they
secure the perimeter?
And somebody says, "Get some rest."
"Get some rest."
We watchJeopardy!when we eat.
But wait a minute,
Jeopardy!'snot on at 8:00.
-I tape it.
-You--
-I wanna know every detail of this.
-Well, one of the things he does...
...and he feels free to do that,
he's watching television....
-He falls asleep with his mouth open.
-Well, that's what old men do.
That's a privilege of old man-ness.
That's another thing,
I like to tape baseball games...
...so I don't have to
watch them scratch.
I can move it forward.
One strike, two strikes.
Yeah, at this age, you wanna--
You don't have time--
-To show hits and catches.
-Compression, compression.
Well, that seems like a pretty nice life.
-Yeah. It's a good life. Yes.
-I have to say.
The nicest part about it,
and I mean this sincerely...
...is to have a friend, and that you guys
still live near each other...
...and get together.
You never go to his house?
He's an excellent driver.
Hell, he's younger.
-He's four, five years younger.
-Right. Yeah, he's a kid.
-I haven't had bacon in an awful long time.
-That's why you're 90.
We really should tip her before we eat.
-Tip before we eat?
-Yeah.
The timing of the check coming
at the end of the meal makes no sense.
Because that's when the food
is the least interesting to you.
-When you go in the restaurant...
-That's a great....
...you're so excited. The appetizers
and you're anticipating...
...we're gonna have this great night.
Then in the end, there's a cigarette butt
in the mashed potatoes...
...and then they want money for it.
And you're not hungry anymore.
You can't understand
why you did this whole thing.
-Thank you. Please come again.
-Thank you.
We haven't left yet.
I had a friend who never
picked up a check without saying:
"They're charging for butter?"
Let me see the room
where you guys watch TV.
Oh, here,
Mel brought these yesterday.
Dances With Wolves?
Boy, you're really just catching up.
-Anyway, this is where he sits.
-Right.
-When he eats, he sits here.
-This is the Mel Brooks-Carl Reiner table.
-You order them on TV?
-Yes, absolutely.
-Oh, oh, one more thing.
-Yeah?
-Mel is coming over tonight.
-Right.
-Would you like to come?
-That'd be a huge thrill.
I would love to do that.
-Nate 'n Al's. What do you want?
-You like hot tongue sandwich?
-Yes.
-What does Mel like?
-Chicken in a pot.
-Chicken in a pot.
-All right. Fantastic.
-Okay, so 8.
-I'll see you.
-All right.
-Who's that?
-It's probably Seinfeld.
Hello?
-Did you bring food?
-I did.
Hi, Mel.
Well, this looks like potato salad.
I want sandwiches, I want chicken.
Did you bring soup too?
-Look at Carl working here.
-Really.
Guy gets hit by a car,
little Jewish man...
...and the friend says, "Get a pillow."
Put it under his head.
He says, "Are you comfortable?"
And the guy says, "I make a living."
I've never heard anyone
do the punch line like that.
Are you turkey or roast beef?
-This thing just keeps on going.
-My doctor says don't eat salt.
-So I don't.
-Do you miss it?
No one has ever asked me that.
-We're all, you know, comic....
-Luminaries.
-Luminaries, yeah.
-What do you think "R.B." is?
-Roast beef.
-You're ready forJeopardy!, I can see.
Oh, yeah.
Are you eating
corned beef or pastrami?
The roast beef. Well, cheers.
Thank you for doing this, by the way.
Do you have any idea what you're doing?
No. That's good.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I met a girl. She was incredibly thin.
I took her to a restaurant.
She was so thin, the maître d' said:
"Check your umbrella."
I'm not making this up.
But you don't do that.
-You do characters.
-No.
-No, well, you do--
-Tell him what I do.
You know, Mel,
you have never seen him work in person.
-I've always seen--
-What are you bothering him for?
-No, because I will.
-No, you won't.
Now I will.
But do you ever work anymore?
-You said you're going to Caesar's.
-You're not going to Caesar's.
No, no, I'm not gonna go.
You know who I admire lately?
And not because I think he's funny.
I admire his commercial aptitude.
-Who is that?
-Louis C.K.
-Oh, his business acumen?
-Yes!
One thing for sure, Mel, is this is
getting cut out. I'll be damned...
-...if I'm gonna sit here hyping Louis C.K.
-I don't blame you.
Get Smart. That was a show
that changed my life.
-He just played it here last night.
-I got Buck Henry to come over.
-Yeah.
-We watched the pilot, I said, "Buck.
Just for my box set, do me a favor.
Let's watch the pilot again,
see what we can remember."
He said,
"I came up with the Cone of Silence.
-Really?
-You came up with the shoe phone."
Oh, God, you're breaking my heart.
I love that show.
Every day, I went to Chock full o'Nuts.
And a guy started bothering me...
...started pulling at my coat.
Norman Steinberg.
-Jewish fella?
-Wonderful writer.
And he said, "I'm a lawyer.
I don't wanna be a lawyer.
I wanna be a comedy writer."
So I said, "Look, I have a show
calledGet Smart.
See the show
and write aGet Smartepisode."
Agent 99 and 86 and....
So he did.
He wrote a couple ofGet Smarts.
I don't know if they used that show
but they used him.
It was likeThe Godfather.
I said, "You owe me.
I want you to be
one of the writers onBlazing Saddles."
That's the most amazing story
I've ever heard.
-That doesn't usually go like that.
-No.
To me, when you take a big chance
is when you bring...
...a posse of cowboys
onto a sound stage...
...where they're doing a gay
Busby Berkeley dance number.
I saw that a few weeks ago
and I thought:
-"The balls on this guy."
-Yeah.
-Were you sure this was gonna work?
-No.
Whenever I lecture or teach
or do anything...
...I say, "It's gotta please you.
If you don't laugh, they won't laugh."
-Right.
-I knew it tickled me.
I even wrote a line
where one of the gay dancers says...
...to a rough cowboy after
he fights, he fights with him...
...he cries, and the cowboy pets him...
...and the cowboy says,
"I'm parked behind the commissary."
Billy Wilder said, "The reason
I'm having lunch with you now...
...is because you had
a hundred cowboys...
...break through a set at Warner Bros.
with gay dancers."
He said, "I've been around,
I've never seen anything like that."
If Billy Wilder likes it, I must be good.
-He was my god.
-You're good.
Interestingly, both of these aspects
of both of you guys did things that are...
...inside show business things.
A joke about the commissary...
...you'd think, "Who will know
what a commissary is?
-I didn't care.
-Who will know what sitcom writers are?"
I needed a black guy to justify
our inordinate use of the N-word.
Richie Pryor was a good friend,
we hung out together.
So he joined us.
So I had Andrew Bergman, Richie Pryor,
Norman and Alan Uger.
-He had a partner, a dentist--
-A lawyer and a dentist.
He never gave up being a dentist,
this guy, Alan Uger.
He wrote comedy on the side,
he was very good.
-You're kidding.
-The five of us wroteBlazing Saddles.
We wrote a lot of it in New York
and then I took Norman with me.
-When I go to a comedy club--
-Why would you go to a comedy club?
Well, I mean, sometimes
I'm interested in attitudes.
-I smell comedy, I really do.
-Yeah.
I knew very early at the Village Vanguard
when I saw Richard Pryor.
-Right. Right.
-Became his pal. "This guy got it."
Chris Rock, I saw right away,
I said, "He's funny."
Chris Rock, that was '96.
This is 2012.
That's a long time between
guys breaking out.
This is 2012?
Holy.... I have so many appoint--
I'm sorry, this is terrible to do, but I--
2012? Holy shit.
-So I had this idea...
-Right.
...about this movie about
Bialystock and Bloom...
...about the ego and the id.
I mean, I was driven.
If he had spent his time with this,
he wouldn't have never doneProducers.
I knew that. I kind of knew,
if I got stuck in a sitcom...
-...it's a swamp. It's quicksand.
-You're telling me.
WhenThe Producerscame out,
the play....
Is that you thought that there was
a profound revenge for Hitler's crimes...
-...in making fun of him.
-Kenny Mars came in...
...and read it, and I was stunned.
I mean, he was so German.
But the very fact that he did
the definitive work against Hitler...
-...in the world...
-Right.
...and that the musical
played in Germany...
-...and was the biggest hit.
-Really?
Yes. I won number one play--
In Berlin that season...
...I won the Ernst Lubitsch Award
for theater.
-The fact that--
-I don't know whether they liked it...
...or they were apologizing.
I'm not sure.
Hank Mancini had made
an instrumental version...
...of "Springtime for Hitler."
With the:
A little Latin.
And it's playing, and I'm with a bunch
of people in an elevator, a nice lady...
...and they're swaying. And I said:
"If they only knew the lyrics,"
you know?
It's challenging and it's fun.
That's why you jumped
into little clubs to say--
With brand-new material
that is bound to fail.
"How can I just--?
If I can get two laughs tonight."
Right. I could talk about comedy a lot,
but I think it's like talking about sex.
You can do any fancy dive you want,
it's just a foot of water.
That's funny.
Did you ever say this before?
-No.
-That's good.
How is this possible?
That you have this mug?
"Old Jews telling jokes."
I'm an old Jew, I'll tell a joke.
This is a comedy class. Morty sees
Moshe on the street and says:
"Moshe, I heard about the fire!"
And he said:
"Thursday."
See, you get it? See, look at all
the acting I did. For a lousy joke.
To me, you're royalty.
I'm just a prince, I'm not a king.
I went to see Alan King at
the Meadowland, and I saw Alan King...
...do two hours of the most brilliant stuff
on his family, his brothers.
I met you at an Alan King show
at the Westbury Music Fair--
That's it! That's the time.
I only saw him one time in my whole life.
-That's--
-I was 8 years old.
-You're kidding. Is this true?
-Yes.
And I snuck backstage, there's
a little dressing room, I walked in it.
You were sitting there.
Alan King was there.
I got his autograph and yours
and I still have it.
-Wow, is this true?
-Yeah!
This was a surprisingly
enjoyable experience.
-Really? Thanks again, Mel.
-All right.
-I love you.
-Love you too. Great to see you.
-All right, ladies and germs. Okay.
-All right.
Have a good night.
That is a gorgeous car.
I'm glad you like it.
-What year was it?
-1970.
I was 5. Good night, everybody!
Wonderful working with you.
-Stop that.
-Jerry.
What's the difference between
a Jew and a Frenchman?
A Frenchman leaves
without saying goodbye.
-Yeah.
-And a Jew...
...says goodbye and never leaves.
That was a great joke.