Cold Feet (1997–…): Season 8, Episode 1 - Episode #8.1 - full transcript

I do.

Sorry?

You asked me if I wanted
fresh towels. I do, yeah.

Oh, we do. Thanks.

Would you get a move on?
All right!

# Spring is here

# The sky is blue... #

Have you seen Mum?

Well, weren't planning to.

Not before the service.
I can't find my cuff-links.

Are these them?



Didn't look very hard, did you?

# We're going

# Going to the chapel

# And we're gonna get married... #

How do I look?

Oh, Jen, you look beautiful.

All eyes are gonna be on you.

I don't want to upstage the bride...

much.

Well, then,
don't stand at the front.

Oh, wowzer!

You look amazing!

# The bells will ring

# The sun will shine... #



The car's here.

All right, good.

Are you nervous?
A little.

Well, quite a lot, actually.

I just don't want to let her down.

You won't, Dad.

# And we'll never be lonely any more

# Because we're

# Going to the chapel

# And we're gonna get married

# We're going to the chapel

# And we're gonna get married

# Gee, I really love you

# And we're gonna get married

# We're going
to the chapel of love... #

Here you go.

Oh, thank you for give me away.

It's my pleasure, Ramona.
Mm.

Come on.

Hey! Congratulations, Ramona.

I like your husband - very dashing.

Mm. He's a count.

Oh... Well...
Well, why did you marry him, then?

Hm?
Cos she wants to be a countess.

Ah...

I no care he's a count.
I care that he's nice to me.

And good-looking.

Good for you.
I had to settle for "nice to me".

Which is more than I got.
Hey!

Hey, er, Ramona...
Mm-hm?

Who's the, er, woman in the orange?

Aha.

Alejandro's niece, Isabella.

I think she likes me.

You speak Spanish?
Cos she have no English.

No, we're speaking
the universal language.

Oh, Esperanto?

Sexual attraction.

Oh!

Bon dias.

Hola!

So, how are you finding university?

Oh, I am loving it.

I meant Adam.
Hey?

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's loving it, too.

My lecturer, oh, he's so inspiring.

He's like that...
Sorry.

..Robin Williams
in Dead Poets Society.

You're doing really well,
aren't you, son?

I'm doing all right.
Yeah.

So's Josh. Of course,
I wouldn't expect anything else.

Well, we did, to be honest.

Yeah, but he didn't go to one of
them posh schools like Josh, did he?

No, no. We definitely
gave him the best start.

That was your ex-wife on the phone.

Robin is handling Nikki's divorce
from George.

Oh, he's got a bob or two!
Not two any more.

My settlement's just come through.
Oh!

So, that's two men I know
who've suffered at her hands.

Thank you.

Congratulations. Here's to your
sudden wealth. How does it feel?

Well, it's a relief,

cos we've had to live
on a budget the past few months.

I still do.
My circumstances haven't changed.

You better raise your game
if you wanna keep up with that one.

Hey, Alejandro bring me here
on our first date.

So, er, three months ago?

Look, when you know is right,
it's no matter.

You know.
Yeah.

It's a shame you no bring Gavin.
Gareth.

Oh!
We split up months ago, Ramona.

I sent you a long e-mail.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I've been busy.

Mm.
So, we find you someone new.

Not interested. Hm,
you don't want to grow old alone.

Well, I'm doing all right so far,
thanks.

Oh, Karen, you will find someone.
I don't need to.

And perhaps, hm...

he's here, hm?

Ah!

Yo.
Hey.

So, what do you think of Alejandro?
I just hope he makes Ramona happy.

Don't see why he wouldn't.

He's charming,
he's good-looking, he's rich.

He's charming,
Mm... Not sure I trust him.

Maybe that says more about you
than him. Probably.

Shouldn't you be talking
to that Isabella?

I thought you two were speaking
"the universal language".

Something got lost in translation.

Oh, you're from Valencia!

No, never been there.

I went to Madrid once...
to see United play.

They've got loads
of Spanish players.

Er, De Gea, Mata...

Herrera. They've even
got one called Valencia.

But he's from Ecuador.

El es mi amigo.

Disculpa.

What?

'We didn't share the same interests.

'You know, football, me.'

Oh...

I'd like to say a couple of words.

Josh...

Will you act as my interpreter?
Me?

Yeah, well, you're studying Spanish.

Could I have some attention, please?

Silencio!

Thank you, Josh.

Erm, now, Ramona was for many years
our children's nanny.

Ninera!
Ninera.

Ninera...

And it was a great honour to be
asked to stand in for her father.

Dad, I can't do this.
It's perfectly simple.

No, I hate public speaking.

Well, I'm doing that.
You just have to translate.

It was a great honour...

I always remember when...

David!

I hadn't quite finished.

Look, they knew
what you wanted to say.

# Senora

# No se pense resistir... #

Right, there you go.

Wow.
Who-o-oa!

What do you think, eh?
Oh, Pete...!

Oi!

Where are you two going?

We're going for a spin
in Alejandro's car.

Ramona's lent me the keys.
Oh, nice. Can I come?

Ramona's lent me the keys.
Erm... Yeah, it's a two-seater.

Anyway, I thought you were
hitting on all the senoritas.

Yeah, just a couple.

Not much luck.
I think it's my accent.

Mm. Oh, come on,
don't leave me on my own.

Come on, I can squeeze in the back.

Hm...
Yeah.

I mean, we could do.

But then again...

you and me, the open road...

find ourselves
a cosy little country lane.

Just saying.

Right!

See you later, navigator.

Er...

Oh, come on!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Simultaneous translation's
really difficult.

Here you go, Mum.
Aw, thanks.

Thanks, darling.

There's something
I need to tell you,

but I'm worried
you're gonna take it badly.

Oh, God...

Well, come on, then.
You've never shocked me before.

What have you got?

I've dropped out of uni.

Well, it happens.

Oh, Mum...!

Oh, come on!

It's not the end of the world,
sweetheart.

And when we leave here, you just
come home with me and the girls.

And what about Dad?

Probably best
we don't say anything to him yet.

Not till we know
what you're gonna do.

Now, look,
are we going to sit here and mope

or am I going to put you to shame
on the dance floor? Come on!

# Oh, baby, when you talk like that

# You make a woman go mad

# So be wise and keep on

# Reading the signs of my body... #

Hi!
I thought you'd be longer.

Well, we would've been.

Yeah,
except we got stopped by the police.

Speeding?
Hmm...

Speeding?
Maybe parked up in a lay-by.

Yeah, they gave us
a hell of a start.

Yeah, I felt that!

Are you having a good time?
Oh, yeah, brilliant.

I can't even get drunk.
No free hands.

Did you ever think
life might be passing you by?

Hey?
No.

Slow dance, come on. Come on.

Come on, love.
Aw...

We can't leave him on his own again.

No, look at him. He's got his hands
full with all his new friends.

Very good.

You said you wanted to be a hit
with the senoritas.

Well, look at you now!

# When I'm lyin' in my bed at night

# I don't wanna grow up... #

Dad?
I'm in the bathroom.

Hey, that wasn't an invitation
to join me.

I'm in a hurry.

Well, what do you do that for?

Oh, no, it's, erm...
plant food for hair.

You know, it gives it extra body.

Does it get rid of the grey as well?
Oh, get out of it.

What do you want?
Wax.

Oh, so you can use product,
but I can't? Mm-hm.

Who's your date?
Need-to-know basis.

Dad, can I have 20 quid?
Jeez...

Call it an advance
on your inheritance.

Ta.

Don't leave it on too long. You
don't want to give it too much body!

Oh, shite!

Stay with me, Barbara.

The ambulance is on its way.

Keep it down, will ya?

I'm trying to finish an assignment.

By rights, I should be singing,
but you objected to that, too.

Well, you were flat.
Why are you doing it anyway?

He has to practise.
He might have to do it one day.

Well, shouldn't it be
second nature by now?

Well, yeah,
but I've never done it for real,

and I'm worried that when I have to,
I'll just... freeze.

Oh, I know what you mean.
It's like whenever I'm on a plane,

the emergency drill,
I never take it in.

When were you last on a plane?

Well, you can never get
too much practice, Barb.

Oooh...
Do it in the other room, will you?

Grumpy, eh?

Quietly! Oh, all right.
We'll go the other room.

Are you going to give me
mouth-to-mouth as well?

Have you got your dentures in?

Oh!

You better hope so!

Hey...

It's my favourite customer.

Very good. Adam, isn't it?

Yeah.
Never forget a handsome face.

Oh, I'm the same.

Gemma...
The usual?

Er, to have here, yeah.

I'll bring it over.

Thanks.

David! I wasn't expecting you.

Hi.

I hoped you might be free
for coffee. No, I'm not.

Oh, well. This won't take long.

'You want to take money
out of the company?'

Er, as a dividend, yes.

No, I'm not sure
now's the right time, David.

I've just given a sizeable advance
to a first-time author from Hull.

Did you have to?

I mean, Hull?

Are you short of money, David?
No!

No. No.

I mean, I have overheads,
obviously, like you do.

The girls' school fees,
university tuition for Josh...

Mm... Er, I might need
to talk to you about that. Mum?

Josh?

Ah...
Dad.

I thought you'd be at university.

Josh is just spending a few days
at home... to consider his future.

Oh, you don't graduate for
another year. What's to consider?

W-Well, that's the thing.
Erm... I'm not going to graduate.

Of course you are. Nowadays, you
only have to turn up to the exams,

they give you a 2:1.
No...

I've dropped out.

He hasn't dropped out formally.
He's just stopped going.

Why?
I'm not happy, Dad.

Happy? Who cares about happy?

You go to university
to get a degree.

I'm no good at Spanish.
You saw that for yourself.

And I hate business studies.
I only did it to please you.

So dropping out's
gonna make me proud?

David, he hasn't dropped out!
Pete's Adam is doing very well.

Straight A's.
And he went to a comprehensive.

So, how many lectures
have you missed? Three.

Ah...
Months.

Months?!
Josh, you told me a few weeks!

That is a few weeks.

So, all this time I've been paying
and you haven't even been there?

I knew it would be about the money.

David, money's
not the most important thing.

It's important to me.
I'll pay you back.

How, without an education?

See, I told you there was
no point in talking to him!

Josh...
Josh, don't walk away from me!

David, let me handle this!

I want you back at university
by the weekend!

Sort this out, Karen.

She's all right.

What? We all do it.

Online dating?

I'm sure you don't need to.
Why, thank you!

I could say the same.

Oh, no, at my age, it's...
it's hard to meet new people.

You can't be more than, what...

40... two?

Close enough.
You must get lots of matches.

Mm.
I've seen what's out there.

Oh! She gives with one hand,
takes with the other.

I'm serious. If I was
in the market for a 42-year-old

with come-to-bed eyes,
I'd swipe right.

Well, you know, if, erm, you are...

you know where to find me.

Don't let your coffee go cold.
OK.

I was a disappointment
to my father.

You don't talk about him much.

No. I hated the man.

God, he'd be spinning in his grave
if he could see me now.

Thank you, David.

Oh, I don't mean you, darling.

I mean, living beyond my means
and earning on commission.

There's no shame
to working in insurance.

That's what I tell people I do.

We both know
it's basically a call centre.

Yeah, true, if they hadn't been
driving a Maserati,

the repair bill
wouldn't have been so high.

But then,
if you hadn't driven into them,

there wouldn't be
a repair bill at all.

Yeah, and a very good afternoon
to you, ma...

Another satisfied customer?

It's difficult to tell.
She put the phone down on me.

Is Donna all right?

Well, she's pregnant and on her own,
so...

Val, who's answering your phone?!

I'm telling people their bonuses.

Ah...

Well, that explains
the air of incipient despondency.

"Incipient despondency"?

You crack me up, David!

Thanks. So, bonus...

So, what am I getting?

Nothing.

I wanted to tell you in person.

Now, crack on.

'If you hate it so much,
find something else.'

How?
We're barely allowed a toilet break.

I can't see them
giving me time off for an interview.

Well, then, quit.
I can't afford to!

Well...

No, but I can.

I can give you money
till you're back on your feet.

What, live off charity?

God, Dad would love that.

I thought he was dead.
He is.

Technically.

How do I look?

Older.

Unlike you.
Is that my jacket?

Do you mind?
No.

God, I'm delighted
you think I'm stylish.

Well,
you work for a fashion website.

You'd hope something rubbed off.
In IT.

I don't tell people that bit.
I'll see you later.

Hey, wait, whoa, whoa!

You said you were in tonight.

Yeah, the plans have changed.

Oh, I thought we'd watch Netflix
and chill.

You can do that on your own.
That's not as much fun, though, eh?

See ya.
Oh, right, yeah.

Your new girlfriend.

When am I going to meet her?

Here, invite her over for dinner.
Dad...

Am I that embarrassing?

OK, sure.

I've gotta go.
All right, have fun.

Do you think these boys look bigger?

Bigger than what?
Than they used to.

Hm, maybe a little lower.

Do you think it's a menopause thing?
What, bigger boobs?

Why don't you google it?

I don't want that
on my search history.

It's already on mine.
I'm sure it is.

And why would you think that anyway?

You what?
A sign of the menopause.

I don't know. It could be.

I feel really hot when I'm in bed.
No, that's just this duvet.

Too many togs.

Plus my period's late.

Well, I did wonder,
but I didn't want to say anything.

Hm. That's a first.

Maybe you're pregnant.
Hm! Don't be daft.

No! Wait... Wait, Jen.

Jen, yes, that's it.

Your period's late.
You're never late.

We can set the calendar by you.
Pete, I'm 50.

No, it could happen to women
at your age. It's not inconceivable.

See what I did there?

I'm not pregnant.

Ah, we had great sex
at Ramona's wedding.

Unprotected!
It'll be the menopause.

Your boobs swelled up
when you were pregnant with Chloe.

To be fair, all of me swelled up.

Look, trust me!

You are up the duff.
I know these things.

When you were expecting Adam,
I knew before you did, didn't I?

Yeah, that's true.
Yeah. Go to sleep.

See, I'm not surprised.

Since we renewed our wedding vows,
we've been getting on so well. Mm.

This is the cherry...

on the icing...

on the cake.

Yes!

It's good to get out.

Yeah, well, you're a free agent.
You've got no excuse.

Yeah, well, you're a free agent.
Yeah.

Well, I've got some news.
What's happened to your hair?

I left the dye on too long.
It's Matt's fault.

Probably best not to say anything.
Is it noticeable?

No, no, no.

At least not until it's confirmed.

Are you listening to me?

Well, it must be, otherwise
you wouldn't have said anything.

Jenny's pregnant.

Right, you got our attention.
What's your news?

No, that's it. Jenny's pregnant.
Oh, bollocks!

She's too old, surely.

Well, she's not
been through the change.

Yeah, you don't look at her
and think "fecund".

Well, if that means
what I think it means,

I'll have you know
I find her very fecund.

Are you sure?
Well, you know, sometimes.

Once a month.
No, that she's pregnant.

Well, not 100%.
But all the signs are there.

What, like a positive
pregnancy test? Hm.

I don't need to do a test.
You know your own body, don't you?

Yeah, you do.

Mind you, I did think,
if it'd shut Pete up...

and I happened to be
in the chemist's anyway.

'Got to admit,
I felt slightly embarrassed

'shopping for a pregnancy test
at 50.'

It feels a little bit like
buying your condoms when you're 15.

Did you? 15?

Yeah, had to.
Pete was always too shy.

Bless. Anyhow...

'I found one.

'But then I saw this mum
of one of Chloe's friends.

'I panicked.'

Hi, Jen.

Hi...!

It's not that she might think I'm
pregnant, she might think Chloe is!

Well, suppose you are?
Oh, God, I'm not.

Would you go through with it?

Ohh... Would you?

God, no.
No, value my sleep too much.

Hm... And I'd have to give up work.
Wouldn't have the time.

Or the mental capacity, frankly.

I'd have to give up my course.
I mean, I couldn't do that.

But, I mean, an abortion.
I mean, I couldn't do that either.

Well, hopefully it's the menopause.

Yay!

Yay

Menopause!

Oh, rubbish!
Yeah...

Look, we'll know soon enough. I've
got an appointment at the clinic.

Put Pete out of his misery.

He is carrying on
like an expectant dad.

I've made him promise
that he will not tell the lads.

And I know when it happened, too. It
was the night of Ramona's wedding.

Well, how can you be so sure?

Oh, yeah, just once a month.

I thought you were disturbed
by the police. We were.

If anything, the shock gave me
that little bit more thrust.

Come to think of it...

that is what probably caused it.

Shut up.

Mrs Gifford. What can I do for you?

Settle a bet.

My husband's got a fiver
on me being pregnant.

Right.
Well, let's take a look at you.

Smart money says it's the change.

I need a girlfriend.

Getting sick of my own company.

Problem is...
they get sick of it, too.

Ramona's wedding.

That was a bad night. I began
to think I might be losing my touch.

What makes you think you're not?
I have an admirer.

She's very attractive.

She's a barista
at this cafe I go to.

Hey! It's my favourite customer.

They live for tips.
No, no, no.

She's made it clear
that she likes me.

I'd swipe right.

That means nothing.
Baristas often draw a love heart.

Not with a Cupid's arrow through it.

Well, I'm relieved I'm not pregnant,

but I'm not sure why
you're still touching my boobs.

You can get dressed now.

It's because you mentioned
one was feeling larger.

Oh, yeah?
Is that a menopause thing, then?

Not usually.
What was it, then?

Not usually.
Professional curiosity?

It can be a symptom
of something else.

Well, I... I've put on
a couple of pounds, to be honest.

I felt a lump.

I'd like to refer you
to the hospital for tests.

Is it cancer?
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

It might be nothing.

Yeah, but it-it might be cancer.

So, this barista that's got
the hots for you, how old is she?

She's 27.
Oh.

I checked her dating profile.

That's way too young,
even by your standards.

The gap's 15 years.
It doesn't seem to bother her.

15?!

Yeah. She thinks I'm 42.

Yeah, but you're not.

You're clearly deluded, mate.

You're losing your mind
as well as your looks.

Someone's in the canal!

It must be bloody freezing!
Bloody hell!

Hey!
Oi!

Hang on!

We're coming!

It's OK.

Oh, barrel, barrel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good idea!

Bloody hell, you nearly brained him!

Well, what are we going to do?!

We've gotta do something.
Well, one of us has got to get in.

What?
Wha-wha-what...?

It's my best suit.

Oh, for God's sake!

Grab that!
He's coming! He's coming!

Good man. Come on.

Come on, there you go.
There you go, son.

He's coming! He's coming!

Ambulance, please.

That's it, Pete. Come on.
That's it, that's it. Come on.

Castlefield.

Near the white,
bendy, wobbly bridge.

Lift his head out!
Lift his head out!

That's it. Keep going. Keep going.

You've just got to get people,
experts needed now. Please, now.

Almost there.

Come on! Give me your hand!

That's it.

My two friends
are looking after him.

No, both totally inadequate.

Oh, God. Oh... Oh, no!

He's unconscious!

Can you do CPR?

Well, like,
I've done a bit in the care home.

Come on, he's turning blue!

Oh, God. I need the song!

What?
Give me a song by the Bee Gees!

What?!
Give me a song by the Bee Gees!

Er, How Deep Is Your Love?
No, not that one!

Er, Night Fever?
No, not that!

Stayin' Alive?
That's it!

Sing it.
Why? I need the rhythm!

Er...

# You can tell by the way
I use my walk...

No, no, no, no!

The chorus. The chorus.

# Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother... #

That's it.
# Stayin' alive, stayin' alive

# Feel the city breakin'
Everyone is shakin'... #

The ambulance is on its way.
# Stayin' alive, stayin' alive

The ambulance is on its way.
# Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive

# Stayin' alive

# Ah, ah, ah, ah

# Stayin' aliiiiive... #

Oh!

You're all right!
It's OK! You're OK, mate.

You're all right!
You're OK.

Oh, my God, Pete,
you saved his life!

# Ah, ah, ah, ah

# Stayin' alive, stayin' alive... #

Ramona!
It's Alejandro!

He cheat on me!
Oh, no.

The man is a count! You think
he know to treat me better, no?!

Is OK I stay with you?
Oh...

Yes... Yes.

Thank you, Karen. I kill him!

Mum, where have you been?

Dad just dived into a canal!

What?

You bloody idiot!

What were you thinking?!
Well, I wasn't.

I just jumped in.
He's a hero, Mum.

- He deserves a medal.
- You should be proud of him.

You could've died!

You don't risk your life
when you've got two kids.

Are we gonna eat soon?

In a minute.

Possibly three...

I've done a test.

There is no baby.

What should we do tonight?
Oh, I don't know.

Erm, go to the bar,
meet your friends...

I think I'd rather stay in.

Netflix and chill.

Well, that sounds tempting...

now I know what it means.

# You don't know what it's like

# Baby, you don't know... #

Oh. Erm, hey, I'm thinking
of inviting someone to dinner.

This woman
that I'm going to be going out with.

This woman
You're GOING to be going out with?

Yeah. She wants to.
I just have to ask her.

I thought you might like
to invite your girlfriend.

A double date?

I don't think so.

Well, you have to eat.
And I'd like to meet her.

What about Thursday?
Uh-uh.

Well, you can have my jacket.

Have it?

Borrow it.
Have it.

Have it. Thursday, OK?
Yes.

He's still here?! There's
no point in going back, is there?

Josh needs to toughen up,
knuckle down and finish his degree!

Why?! Plenty of successful people
never finished university.

Richard Branson,
Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates...

So many, you can name them.

Mark Zuckerberg,
Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs...

Mark Zuckerberg,
Lady Gaga?

Look, we are not gonna force Josh
to do something that he hates.

Do you recall
the Marsden family motto?

Jesus Christ, David. No, I do not.

I imagine it's some bollocks
in Latin about duty and honour

and not shagging below stairs.

Numquam ignavis vincit.

The coward never conquers.

Josh is a Marsden. We don't quit.

Sticking at something that you hate
makes you a loser.

You don't demand enough of Josh.
You never have!

No, no, no, no! Is not right!
Ramona?

I know. I bring Joshie up!

Well, actually, Ramona,
I did play a small part.

What's she doing here?

I remember Joshie.

He just start crawling,
and you make me teach him toilet!

You did always hold him
to an impossible standard.

No more than my father did to me.

And where's that got you, Dad?!

Look, you might be content
trying to fill your father's shoes,

but I'm not. I don't want
to follow in your footsteps.

I want to live my own life!

Isn't that
what we should all strive to do?

How's the love life? Any joy?

I haven't tried.

You should.
I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

Yeah, on that, erm...

I've just bought
a new coffee machine.

Yeah, my mate George recommended it.

Well, he's more of a brother,
really. Clooney.

Yeah-ha. Er, anyway,
if you, er, fancy trying a cup...

..Thursday, say,
with dinner before...

this... is my address.

You're inviting me around
for dinner?

Or we could go out, if you prefer.

Oh, God, this is embarrassing.

What, you don't drink coffee?
No. I mean, yes. But, no.

No offence.

No. Er... none taken.

I'm seeing someone at the moment.

Oh, so it's timing?

Yeah.

OK, well, look, if anything changes
before Thursday...

Adam, wait...

Yes?

You haven't paid.

Oh, sorry. Erm...

Excuse me,
I'm looking for Evan Jenkins.

He's over there.

Thank you.

All right? It's Evan, isn't it?

Well, I mean,
you look a lot better than you did

the last time I saw you.
And drier, too.

Well, I brought you a few things
that I thought you wouldn't have.

Er, toothbrush, toothpaste...
kind of thing.

Er, toothbrush, toothpaste...
Oh, a bit of chocolate!

Sorry, I'm Pete.

I'm the bloke that pulled you
out of the canal and gave you CPR.

Yeah, I know who you are.

You don't have to thank me.
I wasn't going to.

How'd you fall in?
I didn't.

You were pushed?

Jesus... You jumped?

I was hoping I'd drown.

And I might have if some twat
hadn't decided to act the hero.

Look, mate, come on...

Just piss off.

Leave me alone.

Go on.

Just go.

Yesterday,
I was on top of the world.

I'd just saved a life.

I thought we'd created another.

It doesn't take much
to bring you down, does it?

But it could be worse, Pete.

How so?

- Don't use my iPad!
- I didn't!

Well, we might not have
two adorable kids, for a start.

I've got this.

Oi!
Dad, she's gone and done it!

Not again. What have I told you two?

Why can't she use her own?
Pack it in, will you?

Oh, Dad, it's not fair!

Well, this is lovely.

Are we still celebrating
my settlement?

Well... a lot of people
have been giving me advice.

You, Karen, Josh...

Ramona.

And today, I acted on it.
At work?

Mm. I led a staff rebellion.

I was something of a hero.

I've asked around, Darren,

and it turns out
that no-one received a bonus.

Not true, David.

OK... Hands up if you got one.

Individually, none of you
did enough to get a bonus,

but collectively,
you did just enough to get me mine.

That's not fair!

David's right.

Without our efforts,
you'd get nothing.

My whole career, I've stood by
and watched while the few at the top

took advantage
of those who do all the work.

Well, no more.

Well, that's obvious from which side
of the table you're sitting.

No. I mean,
no more will I put up with it.

I still have my self-respect.

So, I'm resigning.

And I advise you all to do the same.

So...

..who's with me?

No longer, Darren,

will we be broken
on the capitalist wheel!

Freedom is ours!

Oh, my God!

David, you were magnificent!

Well, you know,
someone has to make a stand.

So, what do we do now?

What do you mean?
Well, what's the plan?

Well, I...
thought I might take a little time

to consider my next move.

Well, I can see that, you know,

if you've got
outstanding student loans and...

and a mortgage and...

if you've got a baby on the way,

then it might be a luxury
you can ill afford.

'You were a hero.'

'Mm. Briefly.

'And then a pariah.'

So, er, that's that.

Does the offer
of a loan still stand?

No.

Ah...

It wasn't a loan.
I don't need you to pay me back.

Then I think
we are still celebrating.

A bottle of the Moet, please.

Matt, your girlfriend's here!

Matt?!

Gemma!

Adam!

I wasn't expecting to see you.
No.

No, it's great.
Great. Not a problem.

I've got enough for four.
Come in. Come on.

God, I'm so delighted
you decided to come.

Oh, Matt!

Er, this is Gemma.
Remember I mentioned her to you?

What?

So, did you dump the guy
that you were seeing?

No...
How's that gonna work?

Er, Dad...

Gemma's my girlfriend.

What?

You were hitting on my girlfriend?!
No. No!

Yes. I mean, well, I didn't know
she was your girlfriend.

She was hitting on me!
No, I wasn't!

Oh, really? "Come-to-bed eyes."

Yeah, you have nice eyes.
So does he.

It's genetic.

You said you'd swipe right.

"If old was my thing."
Old?!

Old?! Do you want to talk about age?
He's 17!

You told me you were 22.

Ah...
Oh, my God, Matt.

You're barely legal!

Gemma...

Dad!

Gemma...

Gemma, wa-wa-wait!

Please!

Stay here, we can talk about this.

17?!
Yeah, well...

I'm proud of you, Dad.
What, for quitting my job?

Yeah, it must've been hard for you.

Well, the thought of how much
it would've upset my father

made it slightly easier.

Look, I don't want you to feel
you have to live in my shoes.

I find them uncomfortable enough
as it is.

And you're right, Josh,
you have to live your own life.

And I trust you
to make the right decisions.

Really?

Because Ramona's going back to
Barcelona, and I'm going with her.

Karen?

He plans on getting a job, David.
Two, in fact.

Yeah, working in a bar
and teaching English.

He learn to speak Spanish proper.

Proper-ly.

Look, he'll be fluent within a year.

That's quicker
than if he were at uni.

And in time, I, er, I want
to start my own language school.

Ah, an entrepreneur.

Spain's where I was happiest, Dad.

Then...

I think that sounds like
a very good idea.

She dumped me.

Thanks, Dad.

I'm sorry.

I really liked her.

I know.

What is wrong with you?

It was bad enough
at Ramona's wedding,

running after women half your age,
but this...

I didn't know
she was your girlfriend.

The fact that she could be
is what makes it wrong.

The fact she was,
that makes it worse.

You embarrass me, Dad.

You're just sad...

..and totally pathetic.

I don't know, Karen.
Maybe Matt has a point.

Perhaps I am beginning
to look ridiculous.

Your hair was.

Well, you never said.
Well, I'm your friend.

That's what friends are for,
to tell you uncomfortable truths.

You looked ridiculous.
Yes, all right, you've said that.

Is that her?

Uh-huh.

You idiot.

Hiya.
Hey.

Sorry... for the misunderstanding.

Forgotten.

One thing. The love heart, I get,
but the Cupid's arrow...?

Oh, no. I just haven't
got a hang of the nozzle yet.

Ah...

Hey, it's my favourite customer.

Hello, can I have my usual, please?

Yeah, of course you can.

I don't wanna grow old.
Why not?

Because I'm not ready to.
Well, you don't have much choice.

Uncomfortable truth?
Hm?

You're gonna die.
What?

You're scared of death.
Oh, shut up.

No, it's true. Ask yourself, why
do you always date younger women?

Because I can.

Well, I could.

No, you're hoping their youth's
gonna rub off on you

and you'll live longer.

It doesn't work like that, Adam.
Face it, you're 50.

50?!

Look, you have a limited
amount of time left.

Do you want to waste it
chasing immortality?

Because you will fail.

And you're gonna end up
dying lonely and alone.

Alternatively...

you can embrace your age.

Throw yourself at your future
with someone who's lived,

who wants to live.

Someone you can grow old with.

Well, how am I gonna find her?
I don't know.

But that's your quest.

# Someone out there loves you

# Someone out there is lonely, too

# They may not know it

# They may be trying to tell you

# And you may not know
Till you pass on the street

# Your heads turn, your eyes lock

# And you feel complete... #

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