Chuck (2007–2012): Season 4, Episode 3 - Chuck Versus the Cubic Z - full transcript

I'm Chuck. Here's a couple things
you might need to know, or forgot.

We spared no expense
re-creating the Buy More.

It's now a full-fledged
CIA-NSA substation.

New Buy More rules.

Slides, trapdoors
and the new superspy/Nerd Herder, Greta?

Be still, my heart.

I think you have earned this.
The keys to the Buy More.

I'm making you store manager,
Mr. Grimes.

Maybe Awesome's right.

Marriage, baby...

Who knows? Maybe we're next.



When's food? I'm hungry.

Shut it, convict.

You're talking my ear off.

We can get 10 miles, max,
but no way we'll make Yucca Mountain.

We're being redirected.
New top-secret facility.

We're going where?

Attention. Your patience is appreciated.

Release of "Spy Attack"
is less than two hours away.

Somebody restack these DVD players.
And I need a lot more blank CDs.

No. Get these consoles out of there.
Guys, I need a lane going through here.

All right?
I vlogged about listening skills last night.

Did anybody watch? No.

And it shows.

I don't think
you're taking this seriously.



Oh, I'm serious. I'm De Niro serious.

Listen, the Buy More is CIA...

...and as the manager,
I am the front line.

Things don't run smoothly,
it's a security issue.

I need a sidearm.
A Desert Eagle or something big.

You're beyond De Niro.
This is Russell Crowe serious.

Okay, listen.
Biggest game of the year drops tonight.

Fans have been camped out
for a week.

A week without consoles
and simulated killing.

You can cut their bloodlust
with a knife.

Weren't you camped out last year?

Yeah. But that means
I know what they're thinking.

And they expect a full-blown,
hi-tech launch presentation.

All right, look,
with just me at the helm...

...this is it, dude,
my managerial Bushido test.

And I'm ready. I want it.
And I don't need any help.

But if something was to go down,
there is a CIA presence, John Casey.

- Oh, and the new Greta.
- The new Greta?

Hello, Greta.

- We're all set for the game launch.
- Perfect.

Any further tasks?

Uh...

Filter. Filter.

- Nope. Nope. Carry on. Well done.
- Lovely to meet you.

Yes.

What?

Where was I? I'm the manager.

Manager, national security.
All that. Yada yada.

As much as I wish I could stay
and see how this plays out...

...I have to catch a flight.
- Uh, you don't say?

Private jet to Monaco.

Wow.

Good for you. A whole week
chasing some lazy oligarch...

...down the French Riviera
with your stunning girlfriend.

Did I mention that too?

It's gonna be the mission...

Of a lifetime.
I think you mentioned that as well.

But hold on one second here.

What is with the unbridled enthusiasm?
Where's the Chuck relationship neurosis?

Where's the handwringing
and the mishegas?

Well, I'd never speak for Sarah,
but if forced to...

...l'd say that she's finally
starting to settle down with me.

Wow.

Let's pause. Be very still.
You are in a happy relationship...

...l'm peaking professionally.
Let's savor it.

Smells like victory.

What's eating you, Walker?

- Fighting like a pit bull, huh?
- Has it changed anything...

...finding out you had a kid?
- What?

- They say priorities change.
- Priorities are the same:

God, country, duty, Corps.

All right. Yeah.
Sometimes I think about calling...

...but Alex has her own life.

I still don't know what my role is.
What's with the interrogation?

Chuck let something slip last night
about the future.

Oh, yeah? What?

Kids? With you?

Huh. Bartowski's the king of cool, huh?

I'm a spy.

I can't even process the idea
of having kids.

I need to say something to him
before he runs away with the idea.

Probably already measuring
for drapes.

We're going on this trip to Monaco.
He's gonna know something's wrong.

He's gonna keep digging at you too,
till you give it up...

...then spend
the rest of the trip moping.

Harness your fury, Agent Walker.

Your mission to Monaco with
Agent Bartowski has been canceled.

Oh. Oh.

- Subtle.
- A prisoner transport...

...headed to our Yucca Mountain supermax
was redirected to Castle.

The prisoners are ours...

...until the transport is repaired
or a chopper frees up.

Whoa, wait, wait, wait, what?
Canceled? Monaco canceled?

- It was supposed to be the mission...
- Of a lifetime. I know.

But there is a silver lining.

We get to stay in and have
a quiet night and, um... And chat.

I don't know if I'd call
that lining silver...

...as much as copper or zinc
or manganese.

We were supposed to be
in St. -Tropez...

...as Lord and Lady Carmichael,
all expenses...

Unless there's something
we needed to talk about.

- Lock and load, Chuck.
- Lock and...

Sarah, hang on. This chat.

I mean, are we talking
about like a chit-chat...

...or, you know, an FDR fireside chat?

Everything is fine.
I just thought a night in might be nice.

A night in at the Buy More.

Well, there's nothing I love more
than a night together with you.

- Gentlemen.
- Sir.

Carmichael.

- Aah!
- Back off him!

Yeah.

Yeah. Nice, quiet evening.

At least it can't get any worse.

Well, well. Jenny Burton.

My old high school punching bag.

Love your dungeon.
Can't wait to catch up.

Guys, 40 minutes to the game launch.

Time to move some units.

Now, in the meantime,
please, do me a favor, fix this.

You know, shower, shave, toothpaste,
hair gel, anything.

Okay? Just try not to embarrass me.

Ha.

You talk like you got a lot of brass
in your pants.

- For a dead man.
- He's here.

- Who?
- The man whose job you stole.

Big Mike.

- Oopsies.
- Ugh.

Move.

I knew this day would come.

I avoided my mother's house
so I didn't have to see him.

But I can handle this.

I can handle anything.

I am a cobra.

Son, I'm bursting.

With pride, seeing you in that suit.

I never wanted anyone else to wear it.

But if it's family, it's okay by me.

So, Mr. Panzer. Hugo.

You on a new diet? New workout?

Regimen?

You're looking pretty fit.

- Can I just...?
- No.

- Just one thing.
- Not interested.

Well, you're acting
awful bitchy, Burton.

Or whatever it is you go by.

Sarah Walker.

And don't forget it.

All set.

You done with that newspaper?

Look who thinks he can read.

Sudoku fan, huh?

Go ahead.

Well, enjoy your
new accommodations.

There's no room in my heart for anger.

Love, though? I'm full up.

I spent the past few months
out on the sea...

...hunted with my bow,
looking for my...

My inner Big Mike, my happiness.

I discovered the source of it.

- Good.
- Your mama.

- Ha, ha.
- And I wanna do right by her.

I want to make her an honest woman.

Let's stop talking. All right?

It was good seeing you.
I'm really glad you came by.

And, you know, we'll... What is that?

That's a full half-karat...

...pear-cut cubic zirconium.

I came by here
to ask your permission...

...to marry
Bologna Garcia Bougainvillea Grimes.

Oh, wow.

Think on it. Give it back to me when you
think I'm worthy of your mother's love.

Keep it on your person. I don't trust
the scoundrels working the store.

Nor should you.

But on that note, actually,
I should probably get back to work.

You and me both. Ha, ha.
Know what I mean?

I intend to support your mama
as best I can.

But, man to man, I'm between gigs.

Hear there's a game launch.

You can always use
an extra hand there.

Especially when it's
a close relative asking?

Yeah, I... It's...

I won't let you down, son... Ah!

Boss.

- Hey, ha, ha. All right.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Grimes. Manager. Speak.

Mm-hm.

What? What do you mean we're only
getting six copies of "Spy Attack"?

I got 300 customers
waiting for this ga...

Yes, I'll hold.

So chat time?

Sure.

- Here?
- Yeah, okay.

Look, it's not a big deal.

I mean, well, it is.

Maybe.

- It is a big deal? Sarah, what is?
- I love you, Chuck, that's the first thing.

- I love being with you.
- Ditto, right back at you.

It's just, um... Can we please...

...just for a second...?

Did you just flash?

Heather Chandler
is in the Intersect 2.0.

She was connected to Frost.

I think she knows my mom.

I have to talk to her now.
Transport will be here soon.

You want Beckman to know
we're looking for your mom?

We don't have the authority
to interrogate Chandler.

We don't have the authority
to use the closet...

...for what it is we use it for,
but we do it anyway.

She knows my mom.

Fine, but you can't just
whip questions out...

...to somebody like Heather Chandler.
It's not gonna work.

This needs to be a real interrogation.

- Good Cop, Bad Cop.
- How about Tough Cop, Silent Cop?

Okey-dokey. Which one am I? Right.

Right, got it.
Oh, hey, uh, real quick, though.

Time machine.
In case things go south...

...use "time machine" in a sentence.
That'll be code to back off and regroup.

- Just remember, Tough Cop, Silent Cop.
- Of course.

We need information on an arms deal
you were involved in...

...with Alexei Volkoff,
and an agent whose code name is Frost.

And coming my way is?

Optimal placement at Yucca Mountain
and favorable parole review.

How about a unicorn too?

I'm as likely to get that
as the crap you just offered up.

Sarcasm is the lowest form...

- Sorry.
- You wanna offer me something?

Witness protection.

For that, I'll spew on Volkoff
and Frosty the Snow Bitch.

But we both know that's handled by
WitSec, who I'd be happy to talk with.

Not some man-boy and a bottle blond
with a daddy complex.

You got a lot of nerve,
talking to her like that.

Burton can handle a little ribbing
from a pal.

You're her partner, Chuck,
not her boyfriend.

Wait.

You two are actually together?

Us? We? No.

- We're not.
- Oh, get out.

You kids are an item.
He's not just your partner.

- Isn't spy sex great?
- Heather, we were discussing...

So how deep are you? Shacking up?

Doing the dog thing first
or straight to babies?

One? Five?

- Time machine.
- Time machine? Really?

Right...? Okay.

When I said use it in a sentence,
I was thinking more along the lines of:

"You wanna relive your past?
Then get a time machine."

We need to take this slow.

- Sorry I lost it in there.
- If you let her get under your skin...

...about living together
and the other thing she mentioned...

...we're not gonna get anywhere.
- What other thing?

Remember, tough, silent.
Do not let her get under your skin.

She's not. She won't... What? Hey.

Are you okay?

Food, Panzer.

- We can contact WitSec.
- When did you start dating for reals?

But first we need
a good-faith offering.

You know why she won't talk
about this, Chuck? It makes her edgy.

I get it. You met my so-called
husband/con victim, right?

I toyed with normal life...

...played happy homemaker a while.

And as soon as he got serious,
I robbed him blind.

My advice?
Pull the ripcord before you get fried.

- Only thing getting pulled is a rope...
- Look at my time machine. Appointment.

I'm gonna handle this.

I can handle multiple stressors
at once.

Angry mob? Of course.

A lifetime of calling Big Mike "Dad"? No.

I really do not like that woman.

Yeah, that's clear.

What's not is why this topic
of you and me is such a hot button.

- Uh, we have a problem.
- Is that what you wanted to chat about?

- I thought we were en fuego.
- No, we have a serious problem.

If he's trying to escape,
why doesn't he run?

This might be about me.

- I kicked his ass on a plane once.
- Hey, Chandler, Mr. Volkoff says hello.

- You send her out, no one else dies.
- Don't open that door.

What is this about Volkoff?

I got a transfer to Yucca Mountain,
out of the blue.

In the transport,
that monster is in the cage.

- Volkoff engineered the transfer?
- He's capable of it.

Why would he want to?
What did you do?

Nothing. He's being petty.

I blew a half-a-billion-dollar deal.

The F-22 plans were for him.
I guess he's mad.

Come on, Casey. Pick up.

Come on, Casey. Real fast, you know?

Just inform the anxious horde...

...the distributor made an error
and there's a delay in delivery.

- Two weeks.
- Sounds like a job for the manager.

No games.

- Casey.
- A prisoner has escaped in Castle...

...and we're trapped in Cell 6.
- On my way.

Colonel, I know I'm supposed to
be upstairs.

Doc Bollywood
was staring down my shirt...

...and those losers in line
are freaking me out.

Yeah. Just get to the cell block,

neutralize the prisoner.

Greta. Greta, what's happening?

She's indisposed.

Uh... Uh...

Panzer's on the computer now.
I can't see what he's doing.

Buying patio umbrellas.
He's trying to get to us, you dope.

Boy, you're a charmer.

You're gonna have to override
the Castle lockdown. Can't get in.

I didn't put the system into lockdown.
I just locked the door to Cell 6.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Panzer locked us in?
This is not good, people, okay?

I've been locked in with this guy before.
I handled it fine, but he got very agitated.

Uh, he's using the mainframe
to open each cell door.

There's a fire override.
I'm gonna have to access it. Hold on.

Come on, come on.

Door 2 is open.

Hello, Colonel Casey.

Welcome to
the new Castle override mainframe.

- How can I help?
- You're kidding.

I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?

And Door 3.

Location of fire emergency override.

Did you say, "Hire nursery overhige"?

Why would I?
It's not even a real word.

I'm sorry, I didn't get that.

Door 5.

Fire emergency override.
Where is it? Or you die.

The fire emergency
override is behind my monitor.

Just press control, escape.

I didn't get that.

Thank you, Casey.

Okay, let's go. Move out.

You go first, scare the rats.

You go, so I can keep an eye on you.

Sarah, you, me, go, now. Come on.

We're totally screwed.

No. No. This is a positive, okay?
Today, we get to be challenged.

I'm gonna make a phone call
and get us the games we were promised.

Now, you will handle
the launch presentation.

At midnight, we settle the crowd,
you will read from the script.

And you'll read from the script slowly.

You don't just drop a role in a man's lap
and say, "Go, seal, clap for your fish."

I must make this my own...

...if I am to undertake it.

Whatever.

No big deal. I can handle this.
I can handle multiple stressors.

Ugh.

What monkey flung this? No.

You know, I was thinking...

...about how some of my favorite movies
wind up in air ducts.

Like Aliens and Die Hard.

Although, generally, it doesn't
wind up well for the duct-crawlers.

Thanks for that, movie dork.

I bet you have, like, a Tron poster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep crawling, sister.

Walker, where are you?

We're just passing Coupling Duct 5A.

Come on, come on, come on.

Ten feet, turn left, into the junction room.

- Heading there to unlock it.
- Any sign of Panzer?

Not in Castle. But he's after you...

...so watch your back.

That's fantastic.

You hear that, Chuck? Stay alert.
Don't distract yourself staring at my tail.

Looking at your...?
No, no, thank you, no.

I'm kidding. Jenny-Sarah, how did you
end up with such a goofball?

Masculine goofball,
thank you very much.

Oh, you're sweet.
I did the sweet-guy thing too.

I know how it is.

- Mm.
- Sorry, foot slipped.

Whoo, touchy. I must be hitting home.

Of course I am.

We're almost at the junction room.

Three, two, one, zero!

- Yeah!
- Nice and orderly.

- You are in for the night of your lives.
- Ugh.

Don't get your hopes up.
There's not enough games.

Don't say that. Everything's fine.
Everything is great. Go get your...

Listen, stretch it out just a bit longer.
We are almost out of the woods.

Easy, sister. We've got this covered.

- Okay.
- We've got this covered.

Talk to me here. Oh, yes. Here we go.

Jerry, what's going on?
What did you score me?

How many you got? What do you got?
How many games? Yeah. Yeah.

Two! Two games. That's... I...
That's not enough, Jerry.

I got to have more games, brother.
Hello? Jerry? Jerry? Oh.

Son, your crowd is surly...

...and you got no product.

I don't wanna tell you how to do your
business, but the sheep need a shepherd.

Yeah. They sure do. Sheep, huh?
Those sweet little sheep.

Okay. Casey's gonna have to
unlock this for us.

- Till then...
- I'll finish what I was saying.

Running your mouth isn't gonna get you
witness protection.

You were never gonna call Witness
Protection, so let's just call this payback.

What do you mean, "payback"?

I got hitched to a dork just like you.

Sweet, dumb...

...loyal, a mutt.
And that was attractive.

I thought, "This schmuck is gonna
make me a better person."

And for 10 minutes, I convinced myself
I didn't mind movie night or dinner at 6.

Then my true nature kicked in.

And the reason
this conversation has Burton so upset...

...is because it's doing the same
for her.

- We're the same.
- Not gonna dignify this.

Right. Yeah.
Because we are professionals.

We cannot hear a word
you are saying.

She's all spy.

White weddings, rug rats in a minivan?
It's not in our wiring.

Hey, hey, hey.

Heather, guess what.
You talk too much.

Burton, be kind to him.
He's too sick in love to see the truth.

Just remember,
she keeps secrets for a living.

Why are we saving your life again?

Because of my connection with Frost.
And my time with her in Burma.

Casey?

I'm right and she can't face it.

That's why she's upset.

She's not upset, Heather. I know what
she looks like when she's upset.

- And it's more...
- Look out! Oh!

- Let go of me!
- Unh!

- Help me.
- Sorry, kitten. You're on your own.

You know you'd do the same.

- You're coming down with me.
- Unh!

No, no, no. Not the tie, not the tie.

- Unh! Come here.
- Uh!

- Sarah!
- Unh!

- Sarah, help me!
- Come on, you coward.

Sarah! Unh!

Carmichael!

Aah! Sarah, help me!

Chuck! Come on.

Up. Up.

That felt good.

You know...

...they wanted me
to read you this trash.

But you deserve better.
We, as a people, deserve better.

Yeah!

So...

...brace yourselves for a free-form,
no-holds-barred poetry slam.

And a kung fu demonstration of moves
in the game "Spy Attack."

Can we just buy the dumb game?

- Yeah!
- No...

...you cannot.

How far down did he go?

Could you see the bottom of the duct?

It was too dark.

And I was kind of concentrating
on his fists flying at me.

You're a real tough guy, Chuck.

Hey, this morning...

...I was going to Monte Carlo.

But instead, I spent the night
as a canned good.

It's funny the way life can suck.

Move and you die, tunnel rat.

All right, I got him.

Transport on the roof in two minutes.

- About Frost, last chance to deal.
- You're just a dog with a bone.

No dice.

Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

- But I'm certainly not betting on you.
- Shut it.

You're not letting Heather get to you,
are you?

No, of course not. I'm all good.

I know your all-goods,
and that was not a real all-good.

It was a fake all-good.

I'm just curious why what she said
got under your skin like that.

Well, once we get rid of these guys,
we will have our chat.

Ah.

What are you smiling at?

This doesn't smell right.

They're not CIA.
They're Volkoff's men.

Down. Down, down, down!

Volkoff must have intercepted
our transport.

Chuck, we'll handle the gunfight.

Go after the prisoner.

Ooh!

Go for the exit. I got you covered.

- Agh!
- Casey!

I'm all right. Unh!

Your man's wounded, pinned down.

Give us Chandler and you'll both live.

Hand me over.

Save your ass.

We both know what you're gonna do,
so just do it.

You kept me alive for information,
but it's not worth dying over.

I know you, Walker.
I know what you're going to do.

You don't know who I am, what I want,
or the thoughts in my head.

We have nothing in common.

On the count of three, two, one.

Oof!

That was my last bullet.

The flea-ridden masses infest my house

Do I cry? Perchance to die?

No, McFly

This game launch will not be televised

- Enough. Just give us the game.
- Yeah.

We want the game!

We want the game! We want the game!

We want the game! We want the game!
We want the game!

Guys!

Guys!

The games didn't show.

- What?
- Shut up...

...and let the poetry slam you.
- Thank you.

Freeze, Panzer.

Look awful shaky
with that peashooter, boy.

- How's your aim in tight quarters?
- Perfect.

Because that's the gas line.

Hit that instead of me,
this whole building goes.

So it is. But that doesn't matter,
because you're trapped.

I don't think these air ducts were meant
to hold 400 pounds.

And since most of that is you,
I need you to back up now.

You're losing them, son.
They're going to rampage.

Right. Right. Hey! Hey! No!

No! Halt! Halt!

Halt! Everybody just go... Whoa!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, Morgan. Morgan!

- Back up.
- You back up.

You back up.

The engagement ring!

No, no, no.

Ah.

Look, this is a call to arms.

I brought my black case
for such an occasion.

- It's in my car. Go get it for me.
- I don't work for you.

- Hey.
- I do work for you.

Ha, ha.

Get on your feet, son.

No, I can't... I can't... The, uh...

There's a riot going on.

Right. Right. I need to tell you.

Your ring, it fell out of my pocket.

I looked everywhere. I can't find it.
I screwed up. I need your help.

You find the ring,
I'll take care of the riot.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Yeah!

Excuse me, fools!

I said, excuse me, fools!

That's not fair.

What is this madness?

Yes...

...we promised something
we couldn't deliver.

Yes, had we delivered,
you would have been overcharged.

Is that any reason to behave like this?

You got to ditch your lives...

...and spend a full week
with your dorky friends...

...talking video games...

...which no sane person
would have ever done with you.

And because we came up a little short
on supply...

...there's a riot?

Hell, no.

- This ain't no video game.
- It's not.

This is real life.

- It's the truth of life.
- This violence ends...

...now.
- Not later.

- Peacefully.
- With peace.

- Quietly.
- With a whisper.

- All civil-like.
- Like you're civilians.

Move it. Move it. Get out of the way.

Excuse me, son.

Move.

You best stop.

Or I will come down there
and make an example of you.

Try and stop me, fat man.

What? Who's this...?

Give me the Disco Stick.

That boy is family.

- What the...?
- And my name...

...is Mike.

Big Mike.

Mr. Big Mike.

- All right?
- Well done.

- Another Purple Heart, Casey.
- Unh.

I'm fine.

Gonna be laid up for a while.

- Paid vacation.
- Ugh.

Can't stand the silence.

Well, maybe you could use the time
to meet up with Alex.

- Figure out what your role is in her life.
- Hmm.

You should do the same for Bartowski.

So we can get back to normal
around here, hmm?

Whatever that means.

Operation Beacon.

That's where I met Frost.

What's Beacon?

It was an underground arms pipeline,
but I lit out before it was active.

Frost was always around Volkoff.

Doing what exactly?
What does that mean?

I couldn't get the full gist
of their relationship, but she was there.

Maybe she had to be.

That's all I know.

Hugo's ready to roll.

Let's go.

Thank you.

Maybe you're right.
Maybe we aren't alike at all.

Maybe you are capable of love,
affection and vulnerability.

I hope so.

Chuck seems like a really nice guy.

And he's really in love.

Are you?

Goodbye, Heather.

I looked everywhere, Big Mike.

I couldn't find your ring.
But I did find this.

Don't give me this
because you think I'm upset.

The assistant manager's vest
is a sacred vestment.

No, I know. Believe me.
But you're the best.

You can handle anything.

I would be proud to have you
as assistant manager.

Although I understand if you couldn't.

You haven't quite forgiven me yet.

I want you to know
I'm sorry about the ring.

Marriage isn't about a ring.

It's a lifelong commitment
of compassion and understanding...

...especially for your spouse's
idiot relations.

All is forgiven.

Here. This is yours.

And, for what it's worth,
you have my permission...

...to marry my mom.

Son.

Unh...

So Beacon.

That's, uh, a place to start.

Bringing us to the long-delayed...

...and much-anticipated chat.

The other night, when you repeated
what Awesome said...

...about us being next having kids...

...it scared me.

- Okay.
- And I wanted to tell you earlier...

...but, um, I didn't. And I've been
thinking about it all day long.

And Heather kept poking the topic
with a needle.

You're nothing like her.

For a long time, I was exactly like her.

It took a night
in the guts of the building...

...to realize I'm not anymore.

At all.

And I don't wanna be.

But I do need to take things slow.

I'm not ready for parenthood either.

One day, hopefully.

But not now. Not yet, anyway.

Who are we kidding?
I'm barely on solid food myself, so...

Okay.

So, slow.

Super slow. Really slow.

Let's start small.

- You tell me ready or not ready.
- Okay.

We're on a trip,
one of us forgets our toothbrush.

- Do we share?
- I am ready to share your toothbrush.

Oh, oh, using the bathroom,
door open or shut?

Door shut. Always.

Preferably with the sink running
or the radio on.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Uh...

Oh! Whoa!

Whoa! Uh...

- Wow.
- Wow, wow.

Uh... Ahem.

Oh.