Charmed (1998–2006): Season 8, Episode 8 - Battle of the Hexes - full transcript
Searching through Homeland Security's cold case files, Billie discovers a belt that gives her superpowers. Paige meets Henry Mitchell, a handsome parole officer who becomes very important in her life.
Yeah, no, I-I realize we haven't had
a band in a couple of months,
but, you know, haven't you read the papers?
I've been helping Homeland...
Security.
It even sounds ridiculous to me.
I don't get it. It's, you know,
2 lousy months, and suddenly I'm ice cold.
Hey, bands will be back.
P-3's still the hottest club in town.
Oh, yeah? When? Hey.
Watch it.
Sorry.
Listen, do you want me to talk to Smitty?
I'm playing golf with him this afternoon.
No. I don't like that guy. He's slimy.
Yeah, but he's got connections.
He got you The Donnas.
Fine. Let him win.
- Morning.
- Hi.
I didn't know Leo golfed.
Yeah, he does, but not very well.
Don't tell him.
Why are you so dressed up?
Uh, well, the elders have assigned me
a charge, a future whitelighter.
So, is that a good thing?
Yeah. There's if he's cute.
Don't you ever answer call waiting?
Why?
Well, Agent Murphy's been trying
to get through.
He's got a case for us.
A case? What are we, Charlie's Witches?
We don't work for him.
Well, apparently, he seems
to think that we do,
especially after reminding me over and over
that he bailed us out of our little jam.
That's blackmail.
No, that's your taxpayer dollars at work.
Yeah, well, I can't.
I have to go deal with a charge.
No, no, no, no, no.
You're not dumping this in my lap, missy.
I am very busy, too. I have dates;
lots and lots of dates.
Are you trying to get pregnant again?
No. I'm trying to find love.
So I don't have any more time than you guys do
to go through cold cases.
What do you mean cold cases?
Well, there are cases that Murphy seems to think
have some supernatural angle to them,
so he wants us to go through boxes
to see if we can find anything.
How many boxes?
You have got to be kidding me.
Charmed, 808,
"Battle of the Hexes"
Greatouille, Launka, Ronanasplit, Lucile76,
Demonclem, Chryssie, Titelilie, Kiff, Guix
Agent Murphy says he wants you
to start with these.
They're rated para-7 suspicion and higher.
Para-7?
Paranormal.
Don't forget to wear protective gloves.
We don't want the evidence tainted.
Wait a minute. Where are you going?
Hey, you can't just leave us here.
- This can't be legal.
- Well, apparently it is.
Let's just get this over with
so we can find something.
You know, Agent Murphy can't make us
do this on a weekly basis. It's boring.
Well, if he does, we'll just turn him
into a frog or something.
Don't you answer that.
Hello.
Hey, how's it going?
Of course I can make it.
Piper, no, you cannot.
OK, see you later.
I got to go. It's Leo's music buddy.
He's trying to get me a band.
It's very, very important.
All right.
You should probably leave those off because
you'll get a premonition easier without them.
OK?
Um, so I'll be back in a jiffy.
OK. See you later.
Ow!
I need more power.
You said you'd find it for me by now.
I'm doing everything I can, Zira.
I've got feelers out everywhere.
I don't know how much longer
I could take answering to that...
that brute, let alone all the others.
- I'm getting restless.
- And I said
I'm working on it.
Where's the potion?
Why isn't it ready yet?
It will be, Tai.
I assure you.
It better be,
or I'll find a new sorceress.
I'll show him and his kind
who's replaceable,
even if I have to kill
every last male demon to do it.
It's time for females to rule.
Especially this female.
The battle of the sexes is universal,
going back to Adam and Eve. In fact,
men and women are so different
that you have to wonder how we get along at all.
What stops us from killing each other.
The yin/yang theory explains it best.
Yang, male is cold, hard, and unbending.
Yin, female,
warm, soft, and yielding. But...
notice the dots.
A little bit of each
in the other for balance.
Billie, have something to add?
No.
Nothing he'd wanna hear anyways.
Try me.
OK, I think this whole thing's
just little outdated.
It might used to have been before clear-cut,
but now men are just wimps or thugs
it's women that are balanced.
Uh, I rest my case.
I see your point. But like it or not,
behind every good man is a good woman
and vice versa. We need each other.
Hardly.
I'm around amazing women all the time
that don't need guys.
History proves that women
are the stronger sex.
Let's think back to goddesses,
queens, muses, witches...
Witches, women : same difference.
- You don't mean witches. You mean bi-
- Shut up, sicko.
The only way there will ever be any balance
is if women get the chance to rule.
Except history doesn't support your theory.
When either sex becomes dominant,
it's a fiasco.
- Yeah, for you guys.
- No. For everyone.
We're different for a reason.
Buy it or not,
the yin/yang theory will be
on the midterm today.
I'm sorry. I gotta take this.
Phoebe?
Hi. Demons?
OK. I'll just get a cab.
All right, bye.
Sorry. I got to go. It's a family emergency.
Well, the problem is it's a catch-22.
No band wants to play a club
that hasn't had a band in a while.
On the other hand, I need a band.
That is a problem.
Yes, but not an insurmountable one, right?
Yeah, it's true. You guys have
a great track record. I mean, you,
you used to book a lot of talent.
Uh-huh.
And we still can. It just takes one.
You're not gonna get a headliner.
OK. Uh... well,
what if we do a benefit
for the hurricane victims?
Maybe I can get you a chick band,
but that's about it.
A chick band?
But it won't help much because
there aren't very many hip ones.
I'm sorry, but there's a lot of
hugely successful female bands around.
Yeah, but you're not gonna get any of 'em.
Well, why not? We used to.
Whoa. Don't get all emotional on me, baby.
Oh, no. This is not emotional.
Would you like to see emotional?
Because I can get emotional.
Smitty, bottom line is
we really could use your help,
so maybe there's somebody
who owes you a favor.
Oh, no.
I don't need no favors from him.
OK.
Oh, well, um,
Liz Phair's passing through town.
She likes a good charity.
But we'll talk later when
the ol' ball and chain isn't around.
Why were you so nice to him?
Why did you not throw him out
on his macho pig ass?
Because I'm trying to get you a band.
Smitty has a point. The music business
is all about what's current.
Well, currently, I am very irritated.
OK, well, then you need
to take a deep breath and relax.
Oh, I see. Now you think
I'm being overly emotional.
Not at all.
It's all good.
All I'm saying is I have coffee at 6:00,
a dinner date at 8:00. So if Billie's not here...
Believe it or not,
I would rather be helping you
- than be where I am right now.
- Why? Where are you?
I'm, uh...
on Skid Row,
trying to figure out how
to introduce myself to my new charge.
What's stopping you?
Well, I have to wait for the other felon
to leave first.
Why?
Apparently, this kid's at a crossroads. I'm supposed
to help him figure out how to make the right choice,
like that's gonna be real easy.
Well, back to our little problem here.
Don't tell me no, punk. You owe me.
I got to go. He's getting beat up. OK.
Wait. But...
Look, I'm just trying to stay
out of trouble, Donnie, that's all.
Yeah? Well, you don't drive,
and you're gonna be
in a world of trouble with me.
You got that, Speed? Huh?
Hey!
You better show up.
Punk.
You OK?
Who are you?
Uh, I'm someone who just saved you
from getting your ass kicked,
- that's who I am.
- Lady, I don't think so.
Speed, I know who you are.
I'm just trying to help you.
What are you,
my guardian angel or something?
Yeah. Or something.
- Aw, shoot!
- Wait!
You dented my hood. That's gonna cost you.
It wasn't what you think, all right?
The dude just tracked me down.
Leave him alone or I'm gonna call the cops.
Don't bother. That's where
he's headed already.
You're a parole officer?
Look at that.
Your girlfriend can read, huh?
What'd he do?
Broke parole. Consorting with a known felon.
Man, that's not what happened.
Come on, you gotta believe me.
Actually, no, I don't.
I wouldn't hang around out here,
lady, if I were you.
Not dressed like that.
Wow. These are so Greta Garbo.
Hey, now there's a woman that didn't need
a man to make her feel complete.
Hey, Billie, those are evidence, OK?
And not to mention somebody
probably died in them.
Hello.
No. I said I'm dying to see you.
It just must be a really bad connection.
Now, this is the kind of bondage
men want us in?
You know, I don't even know why
you bother hooking up.
After seeing this guy in my class this morning,
I am so sure women should be on top.
Do you mind?
I'm sorry. I meant that metaphorically.
Well, I'm speaking to a guy, OK,
and he means metaphysically.
Yeah, see, that's the thing.
Men just keep using their little heads
to do all the thinking for them.
You know, this whole yin/yang thing,
it's a complete hoax.
I mean, look at this lame gig.
Once again, the male establishment
is using women's skills for their busywork.
You know what? I gotta go, OK?
Yeah, I can't wait to see you, too. Sunday.
All right. Thanks. Bye.
Hey, can we lay off
the male bashing, please?
Sorry. I've just had one
too many lame dates lately.
I don't understand. Everyone I go out with
is so immature and childish.
Does that ever change?
Do they ever grow up?
Well, if I ever get outta here,
I'll let you know.
Hey.
Check this thing out.
No, no. No.
Uh, what just happened?
We're screwed.
That's what happened.
This is unbelievable.
Piper takes the car. Paige orbs.
Does anyone stop and think
that Phoebe can't orb?
No, of course not. Why?
Because it's all about them.
OK, hi. Yeah. I can't get this thing off.
Yeah, don't even bother. It's gonna take a spell
or a potion or some kind of emotional epiphany.
That blows. Are you sure?
Hello! Voice of experience.
I've been turned into a mermaid,
a mummy, a genie, OK?
Trust me. I know these things.
I can't believe this. I feel so stupid.
I had to put the belt on.
It's OK. Just think of it as initiation.
It happens to the best of us.
So it's not that bad?
Oh, no. It's bad. It's very, very bad.
Please, someone vanquish me now.
OK, we got to get you out of here.
Hey, taxi!
What the hell did you do to my cab?
Put it back.
Let's go. Let's go.
A dormant power's just been activated.
What do you mean dormant?
Well, judging by its intensity and frequency of the emissions,
I thought it was the Crystal of Kazimar.
But it's even more powerful than that.
The Golden Belt of Gaea.
"The goddesses' gift to Hippolyta endows the woman
wearing it with transcendent powers".
I'm sold. How do I get it?
Trust me. You don't want it.
It would destroy you
the moment you put it on.
You're evil.
Then what good is it to me?
Well, you could still appropriate its powers
by getting the woman who's wearing it
to do your bidding for you.
How, if she's good?
The belt's power will compel her
to use its force
whether she wants to or not.
In time, it'll drive her to madness,
consume her.
Of course, if you were
to befriend her before that...
Then I can get her to use the powers for me,
to get rid of Tai.
How do we find her?
There you are.
What about Jake? Did he check in yet?
Hey. Excuse me.
You almost hit me.
Hey, I'm gonna call you back.
Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me?
Before you peeled out of there,
you nearly hit me.
Oh. Sorry about that.
Oh.
Is that what you came
all the way down here for?
Yeah. That and just to, you know,
check and see how Speed's doing.
Let me guess. Missionary? Social worker?
Do-gooder?
Homeland Security, actually.
Really?
Mm-hmm. Check it out if you want.
All right, I think I will.
So what does Homeland Security
want with a street thug like Speed?
He's not a thug. He's a kid.
Oh, no, no. No. He's 18.
Barely.
Well, barely counts,
and he's gonna learn that.
Well, where's he supposed
to learn that? In jail?
No. We try to scare him so that
maybe he won't go back to jail.
Here you go, Henry.
He's all yours.
Thanks, Frank.
What's she doing here?
She's looking out for you,
so don't let her down.
Hey,
from now on, it's for real. You got that?
No more juvie passes. Next time it counts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You feds better keep your books open on this one.
Something tells me you're gonna see him again.
No. We won't.
He's destined for greatness.
You hear that?
- I'm destined for greatness.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you don't make your 4:00 check-in with me,
you're gonna be destined for prison.
Go on. I'm gonna take you home.
How many times do I have to say it?
I'd rather lose the club than have
somebody like Smitty help me out.
OK, but you're letting your feelings
about the guy get in the way of good business.
Oh, so, basically, you agree with him.
Now not only am I emotional,
but I am also, in fact, stupid.
- That's not what I meant.
- You know what?
At least I hold on to my principles.
OK, you know what, let's stop with the mudslinging
and think about this rationally.
Oh. So now I'm irrational?
No.
Yes. You're being irrational.
Smitty has amazing connections.
It doesn't make sense to alienate him.
OK, fine.
You know what? You deal with him,
man to man, all right? More power to you.
Sorry.
Yeah, she's a superhero. But, no,
you can't get mad at her
- because it's your fault.
- My fault?
Yeah, she tried on a belt in one of the boxes
that you were supposed to be going through.
- I couldn't help myself.
- Oh, no. Really?
OK, enough with the chatter. We have
to figure out how to get it off of her.
It's not gonna be easy.
That looks like Hippolyta's belt.
Hippo-who?
Wait. I know her from
my anthology class. Greek queen.
Super powerful. Wanted to create
men and women equal.
Wait a second. Didn't Hercules butcher her?
That's the one.
Oh, that's just great.
Oh, no. Why did you go and do that?
Who's gonna pick up the kids?
- What do you mean?
- Leo, look at yourself.
Ohh.
All right, turn him back. Right now.
I don't know how. I didn't do it.
This did it.
All right. Fine.
Did you just try and kill me?
- Go easy.
- Billie, relax. Of course not.
What's the matter with you?
I don't know. That was really weird.
Please get this off me.
To the book.
All right.
What aren't you telling us?
And don't think just because
you're invisible that I won't...
OK. I know the goddesses who made the belt
came up with a way to take it off.
But if we can't figure out
what that was, Billie's gonna die.
Oh, like the woman who wore it before,
who ended up in Murphy's cold case.
Probably.
I mean, the belt holds enormous power,
Piper.
It seduces the wearer
before it drives her insane.
We gotta fix this before
it goes horribly wrong.
Like it's not already.
All right, that's not funny. Move it. Move.
Where's this belt?
It won't just come to you on its own, Tai.
It must be lured. She must be lured.
How?
By attacking an innocent, a female.
But it must be more than just an attack.
You'll need to torment her if you wish to compel
the mistress of the belt to come to her aid.
I brought my demons here
to torment one innocent?
No.
You brought them here to help you
get power beyond your imagination.
Imagine your status in the underworld
when you bring such a trophy back.
All will bow to you.
If, of course, you can take
the belt away from her.
It won't be easy.
I think I can handle one lousy woman.
Oh, so strong.
Still, better safe than sorry.
I'll prepare for the belt's arrival.
OK, you just sit down right here and relax
until we can figure out a way
to get that thing off you.
If we can.
If we can, we should soon before
she turns any more men invisible.
Yeah. Well, you and I both know something
horrible is gonna have to happen
before we can get her out of that get-up.
Ohhh!
- I scratched my pretty belt.
- Oh, dear.
Now it's her "pretty belt".
What does that mean?
It just means that maybe the belt
is starting to affect you.
I don't think the belt is starting
to affect me. OK? I would know if...
oh, hold on.
I think I'm getting a call.
A call?
Yeah. I'll be right back.
Oh!
Whoa!
Anybody? Help?
Over here...
we're coming for you.
Dear God, help!
That's no way to treat a woman.
Get the belt.
I don't think so.
Men.
- Sweetie? Honey? Are you all right?
- Yeah,
except for the fact nobody can see me.
And the fact that the girl that did that
to you is out doing God knows what.
We have to find her.
Whoa! Watch the door...
Um, sorry, I'm still getting used to
this blurring thing,
- but oh, is it fun!
- Fun?
You're having fun?
We were worried about you.
Where have you been?
Well, let's see.
I rescued a woman in distress,
I killed off a bunch of male demons,
and I scratched my pretty belt again.
OK, Billie, I think you're getting
a little too attached to that thing.
Yeah, until we get it off, maybe
you should kind of stay put.
No, I don't wanna take it off.
It makes me feel powerful.
See that's a problem.
Actually, here's a problem.
Why are men so threatened
by powerful women?
Hey, look, I'm busy.
I'll call you when I have time.
There is nothing worse than a needy guy.
Right.
Uh, ladies, I think the belt's
affecting you, too.
- Oh, shush it, will you?
- Is there any way you can make his voice disappear?
Which means it's growing stronger.
Oh, you are such a downer.
No wonder I made you invisible.
Oops. My midterm. Almost forgot.
Oh, hey, could you make Leo
visible again before go?
Really? Why?
Well, he's gotta play golf apparently
to get me a band. So
what can I tell you? It's a man's world.
I guess I can try.
Oh, it worked.
Right on.
What the hell just happened?
- I think her powers are getting stronger.
- And taking her over.
Well, then we have to stop her.
He wants to go after her again.
I can't hold him off much longer.
Why didn't it work?
- Why didn't she kill him?
- I'm telling you, we're almost there.
How do you figure?
Tai's alive.
Male demons are still in control,
but I don't see any Wonder Witch
here to help me change things.
She killed his gang, didn't she?
That means the belt's hold on her
is strengthening. Now, soon
she'll be so intoxicated by it, you'll be able
to make your move, turn her.
Not if Tai kills me first.
Then use your wiles to hold him
at bay until I can find her.
She will be yours for the taking in no time.
You'd better be right...
or else there'll be one more
male demon to become extinct.
Speed.
Finally. Where have you been?
What are you doing here?
I'm supposed to be here.
I'm the parole officer, remember?
How did you get in? That door was locked.
I have my ways.
Really?
Oh, I'm listening.
- Look...
- No. You look.
- I don't know what your name is.
- My name is Paige.
OK, Paige.
Well, I have a job to do and a parolee to bust.
Now, what do you know about all that?
I don't know anything about all that.
I just came here to talk to him, OK?
Talk about what?
Talk about his future.
You know, how not to blow it.
And you think that that's all it's gonna take
to keep him out of trouble? Just some talk?
Well, it's a start, isn't it?
Why do you believe in him so much?
- Why don't you?
- No, I used to,
for the last 10 years. But
I'm getting pretty tired of trying to save
his useless ass.
Great. Don't. I'll do it.
You'll do it?
You're a little late.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, he's not here, is he?
No. Which means he's with Donnie,
which means Donnie talked him into the job.
- Jobs are good things.
- Not that kind of a job.
Robbing a liquor store.
Yeah. That's right.
And the cops know all about it.
And they're gonna bust him in the act...
No, no. Speed's not gonna be there.
- I got 20 bucks says he will.
- I have 20 that says he won't.
- You're on.
- Let's go.
- Where?
- I'll prove you wrong.
After you.
20 minutes, guys. 20 minutes.
Talk about tacky.
- Hey, Super Babe.
- I could use some action.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Test half over.
Time you have left,
you'll be lucky to get a "C."
Wouldn't expect anything more
from a sexist pig like you.
Excuse me?
Well, you have to admit your theories
are slanted to more of a male perspective.
So is the superhero costume
a comment on the male hierarchy?
I assume you're making a statement.
Yeah, that she's hot.
Shut up, pig!
Wait. Stop.
This isn't necessary.
This isn't right.
This isn't what you wanted, is it?
I can help you.
Who are you?
Someone who understands.
Come with me...
and all your questions will be answered.
I can't believe we missed her.
Well, at least she left there before
the entire class killed each other.
You mean before the girls killed the boys.
Sounds like history's repeating itself.
Hippolyta tried to use the belt
to create harmony between the sexes.
It blew up in her face, too.
Dare I ask what happened next?
Well, she retreated to an island of women,
killing any man who dared enter.
Well,
one must have gotten through
because Billie said Hercules killed her.
Which is why everyone who's worn the belt since
has tried to rid the entire world of men.
Oh, great.
Just when I start dating again.
You know, that means Wyatt and Chris, too.
Oh, come on. What are the possibilities
of this really happening?
Other people have worn the belt before
and men are still walking around.
But Billie was a powerful witch
before she put the belt on,
which pretty much makes her invincible.
She could do it, or at least,
kill a lot of men trying.
So, what, our only hope is that the belt
drives her insane and kills her first?
No, we have to figure out a way
to get the belt off of her,
and contain her, obviously,
so she doesn't do any harm.
If we can find her.
I guess I won't be golfing after all.
No. Actually, I think you should.
You're the target.
I want you as far away as possible.
Yes, but you're vulnerable
to the belt's powers. I'm not.
Yeah, I- I know, but now that
we know what to expect,
we'll keep our distance, I promise. No,
really, you should go, and, you know,
if you find me a band in the process,
that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Don't you see?
Women have evolved while
men have grown more barbaric.
Your destiny is to unite women,
bring peace into the world,
- and I can help.
- But you're a demon.
But I don't want to be.
Nor with your powers
will I have to be any longer.
This whole good-versus-evil paradigm...
it's all been fostered by men to divide us
because they can't create life.
So they try to destroy it.
I don't know.
Oh, think about it. We're at magic school.
It's filled with demons, which means if
I wanted you dead, you would be.
What do you want?
Peace.
Harmony.
Just... like... you.
With women ruling, good and evil goes away.
All walks of life live as one.
Of course, we may have to kill a few...
de-men in the process.
But that's where you come in.
I should talk to the sisters first.
They don't believe in a women's utopia
like we do.
They're stuck in the old ways. Battles.
- No. No, they're very strong women.
- Who have been corrupted by the male hierarchy.
They're scared of change.
They'd do anything to stop you,
which is why it's so important
we take over magic school,
make it our base. Peace.
Unity.
Think about it.
She's not well.
She'll be dead soon.
She just needs to live
long enough to kill Tai.
Then no one will dare challenge me.
You all right?
Yeah.
I just have to go to the bathroom is all.
Why didn't you say so?
Here you go. I won't look.
That's disgusting.
First stakeout, huh?
No. I've been on lots of stakeouts.
What?
I don't know. Still trying
to figure you out.
Why?
'Cause I can't. That's why.
I do like a challenge, though.
Suspect vehicle approaching
south on Larson. Over.
Suspect vehicle is in position,
2 black males considered
armed and dangerous. Stand by. Over.
Damn.
It looks like you lost our bet.
He hasn't done anything yet.
Boy, you are an optimist, huh?
No. I just have faith.
So do I.
Yo.
Chill, dog.
- Look, I don't wanna be doing this.
- Yeah?
Well, it's too late.
What are you waiting for?
Drive to the front.
I can't, man. I don't wanna
be doing this. I can't.
The hell you can't.
Drive, damn it.
All units engage, engage!
Stay here.
Son of a bitch.
Police! Freeze! Don't move!
You owe me 20 bucks.
This isn't working.
Either super Billie's completely taken over
or she just doesn't wanna be found.
Well, we could try the
"to call a lost witch" spell.
If there's any witch left in her,
it should bring her
back here whether she likes it or not.
Well, what if that doesn't work?
Well, then mankind
has got a serious problem.
Oh, I should've stopped her.
Don't worry about it. It's a job hazard.
It would've happened sooner or later.
She's gonna be pretty upset when she comes back here.
Do you think we should call for Paige?
No. She's got her own innocent
to save. Besides,
if Billie gets here and we can't handle it,
we'll call for her.
"Power of the witches rise,
course unseen across the skies".
"Come to us who call you near,
come to us and settle here".
What did you do that for?
We we just worried about you, that's all.
That's bull. You just don't want me
to create my utopia.
Your what?
Are you kidding? We love utopias.
I mean, we're witches you know.
We're into the girl power.
Fine. What do you want?
We just wanna talk,
see how you're doing. Now!
Aah! You lied to me! Zira was right.
Zira?
There's no wrath like a woman scorned.
Huh.
We have got to find her
and bring her back here
'cause I am not cleaning up this mess.
Zira.
I'm all yours.
So, maybe we could try the spell
again and bring her back.
And do what with her, watch her
destroy the rest of the house?
- I mean, we can't contain her.
- There's gotta be a way.
Hey. I, uh, guess Billie's
still wearing the belt, huh?
- You think?
- Oh, nice.
You're out playing golf while
we're trying to save your gender.
No. I told him to, and it's
a good thing I did, because
Billie might have killed you.
She's getting worse, isn't she?
Yeah, And she's teamed up with a demon.
If I were a guy,
I'd definitely be a little nervous.
Any chance that
she went back to magic school?
Maybe. Why?
Well, because if they did, we
might be able to get the belt off her there.
The goddesses' spell's got
to be in one of the history books.
It's gonna be pretty tough
to get by her unseen.
Well, I think unseen is the answer.
You wouldn't listen to me, huh?
- Just had to go and do something stupid.
- Hey, easy.
- Oh, man, you don't understand.
- No, I understand.
You screwed up. That's what I understand.
Why don't you just listen
to what he has to say?
I don't like this any better
than you do, OK?
I don't have any choice. He's an accessory
to robbery and I'm gonna take him in.
I'm telling you, that's not
the way it went down.
OK. Well, why don't you
tell that to the judge?
Wait.
What happened?
What happened to you?
That was I was trying to tell you.
Donnie stuck me 'cause I wouldn't drive.
Then what the hell were you
doing there? Huh?
Just forget it, man.
No. No. If what he's saying is the truth,
then that makes him innocent.
- That's not my call.
- Actually, it is your call whether you take him in or not.
Look, why don't you check
the other guy's knife?
If his blood is on it, then he's exonerated.
Let's go. Excuse us.
What?
You set me up.
It's called evolution, Tai.
Your kind's irrelevant.
You fool.
She's just using you.
There's no battle of the sexes.
The eternal fight is between good and evil.
I can't believe he's finally dead.
It's almost anticlimactic.
Is he really gone?
You missed one.
Ah!
Are you all right? You don't look well.
I don't feel very good.
It's all right. You just rest.
It'll be all over soon. I promise.
Sooner than you think.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, we've come to save you.
Again.
You can't save her. It's too late.
Wanna bet?
Book.
- They're after your belt. Kill them.
- Leo!
Nooooo!
Say the damn spell!
"For all the world to work as one,
in harmony it must be undone".
Belt!
Uh-oh.
All right. Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
Huh. It's nice to see you.
It's good to be seen.
What happened?
Leo, uh, just saved your life.
- Yin/yang working together.
- Just like it should be.
Good job, yang.
Thanks, yin.
Come on.
What are we doing?
Yeah, inspector. It's Henry.
Hey, by any chance did that kid Donnie
have a knife on him when he was arrested?
It had blood on it?
No, no, no. It's nothing.
I was just curious. Thanks.
Turn around.
What's up?
I'm letting you go.
That's what's up.
Wait. So-so you mean you believe me?
This time.
Go.
Hello.
So do you want cash,
or can I send you a check?
- Henry?
- You were right about the kid.
He was clean.
How did you get my number?
Oh, you're not the only one
with connections.
I see.
Hey, Speed owes you.
I owe you, too.
Just doing my job.
Well...
good night.
Good night.
That better be a virgin colada. I don't wanna lose
my license the same night I land Liz Phair.
Don't worry. I think I've caused enough trouble
for you guys for one day.
You were bound to turn into
something eventually.
Yeah. But Wonder Witch?
Not to mention I almost
terminated an entire gender.
Yeah, but the point is you didn't.
Thankfully.
Yeah, I just wish I still wasn't
so confused about men.
Don't worry. They're just
as confused about us.
I know, but I'm still a little gun-shy.
It's OK.
You have time.
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together.
Welcome to P-3 Liz Phair!
- I still can't believe Leo got her.
- Yeah. Well, you know,
- Guys. Golf. Go figure.
- To the mystery of men.
I'm so far,
so far away from it now
that it seems
like I may never know how
people stay
in love for half of their lives.
It's a secret they keep
between the husbands and wives.
Baby, there goes somebody's miracle
walkin' down the street.
There goes some other fairy tale.
I wish it could happen to me
but I look at myself
and I think, what the hell?
Maybe I'm just too naive
to have such faith in myself.
You know, I'm prayin' for it.
a band in a couple of months,
but, you know, haven't you read the papers?
I've been helping Homeland...
Security.
It even sounds ridiculous to me.
I don't get it. It's, you know,
2 lousy months, and suddenly I'm ice cold.
Hey, bands will be back.
P-3's still the hottest club in town.
Oh, yeah? When? Hey.
Watch it.
Sorry.
Listen, do you want me to talk to Smitty?
I'm playing golf with him this afternoon.
No. I don't like that guy. He's slimy.
Yeah, but he's got connections.
He got you The Donnas.
Fine. Let him win.
- Morning.
- Hi.
I didn't know Leo golfed.
Yeah, he does, but not very well.
Don't tell him.
Why are you so dressed up?
Uh, well, the elders have assigned me
a charge, a future whitelighter.
So, is that a good thing?
Yeah. There's if he's cute.
Don't you ever answer call waiting?
Why?
Well, Agent Murphy's been trying
to get through.
He's got a case for us.
A case? What are we, Charlie's Witches?
We don't work for him.
Well, apparently, he seems
to think that we do,
especially after reminding me over and over
that he bailed us out of our little jam.
That's blackmail.
No, that's your taxpayer dollars at work.
Yeah, well, I can't.
I have to go deal with a charge.
No, no, no, no, no.
You're not dumping this in my lap, missy.
I am very busy, too. I have dates;
lots and lots of dates.
Are you trying to get pregnant again?
No. I'm trying to find love.
So I don't have any more time than you guys do
to go through cold cases.
What do you mean cold cases?
Well, there are cases that Murphy seems to think
have some supernatural angle to them,
so he wants us to go through boxes
to see if we can find anything.
How many boxes?
You have got to be kidding me.
Charmed, 808,
"Battle of the Hexes"
Greatouille, Launka, Ronanasplit, Lucile76,
Demonclem, Chryssie, Titelilie, Kiff, Guix
Agent Murphy says he wants you
to start with these.
They're rated para-7 suspicion and higher.
Para-7?
Paranormal.
Don't forget to wear protective gloves.
We don't want the evidence tainted.
Wait a minute. Where are you going?
Hey, you can't just leave us here.
- This can't be legal.
- Well, apparently it is.
Let's just get this over with
so we can find something.
You know, Agent Murphy can't make us
do this on a weekly basis. It's boring.
Well, if he does, we'll just turn him
into a frog or something.
Don't you answer that.
Hello.
Hey, how's it going?
Of course I can make it.
Piper, no, you cannot.
OK, see you later.
I got to go. It's Leo's music buddy.
He's trying to get me a band.
It's very, very important.
All right.
You should probably leave those off because
you'll get a premonition easier without them.
OK?
Um, so I'll be back in a jiffy.
OK. See you later.
Ow!
I need more power.
You said you'd find it for me by now.
I'm doing everything I can, Zira.
I've got feelers out everywhere.
I don't know how much longer
I could take answering to that...
that brute, let alone all the others.
- I'm getting restless.
- And I said
I'm working on it.
Where's the potion?
Why isn't it ready yet?
It will be, Tai.
I assure you.
It better be,
or I'll find a new sorceress.
I'll show him and his kind
who's replaceable,
even if I have to kill
every last male demon to do it.
It's time for females to rule.
Especially this female.
The battle of the sexes is universal,
going back to Adam and Eve. In fact,
men and women are so different
that you have to wonder how we get along at all.
What stops us from killing each other.
The yin/yang theory explains it best.
Yang, male is cold, hard, and unbending.
Yin, female,
warm, soft, and yielding. But...
notice the dots.
A little bit of each
in the other for balance.
Billie, have something to add?
No.
Nothing he'd wanna hear anyways.
Try me.
OK, I think this whole thing's
just little outdated.
It might used to have been before clear-cut,
but now men are just wimps or thugs
it's women that are balanced.
Uh, I rest my case.
I see your point. But like it or not,
behind every good man is a good woman
and vice versa. We need each other.
Hardly.
I'm around amazing women all the time
that don't need guys.
History proves that women
are the stronger sex.
Let's think back to goddesses,
queens, muses, witches...
Witches, women : same difference.
- You don't mean witches. You mean bi-
- Shut up, sicko.
The only way there will ever be any balance
is if women get the chance to rule.
Except history doesn't support your theory.
When either sex becomes dominant,
it's a fiasco.
- Yeah, for you guys.
- No. For everyone.
We're different for a reason.
Buy it or not,
the yin/yang theory will be
on the midterm today.
I'm sorry. I gotta take this.
Phoebe?
Hi. Demons?
OK. I'll just get a cab.
All right, bye.
Sorry. I got to go. It's a family emergency.
Well, the problem is it's a catch-22.
No band wants to play a club
that hasn't had a band in a while.
On the other hand, I need a band.
That is a problem.
Yes, but not an insurmountable one, right?
Yeah, it's true. You guys have
a great track record. I mean, you,
you used to book a lot of talent.
Uh-huh.
And we still can. It just takes one.
You're not gonna get a headliner.
OK. Uh... well,
what if we do a benefit
for the hurricane victims?
Maybe I can get you a chick band,
but that's about it.
A chick band?
But it won't help much because
there aren't very many hip ones.
I'm sorry, but there's a lot of
hugely successful female bands around.
Yeah, but you're not gonna get any of 'em.
Well, why not? We used to.
Whoa. Don't get all emotional on me, baby.
Oh, no. This is not emotional.
Would you like to see emotional?
Because I can get emotional.
Smitty, bottom line is
we really could use your help,
so maybe there's somebody
who owes you a favor.
Oh, no.
I don't need no favors from him.
OK.
Oh, well, um,
Liz Phair's passing through town.
She likes a good charity.
But we'll talk later when
the ol' ball and chain isn't around.
Why were you so nice to him?
Why did you not throw him out
on his macho pig ass?
Because I'm trying to get you a band.
Smitty has a point. The music business
is all about what's current.
Well, currently, I am very irritated.
OK, well, then you need
to take a deep breath and relax.
Oh, I see. Now you think
I'm being overly emotional.
Not at all.
It's all good.
All I'm saying is I have coffee at 6:00,
a dinner date at 8:00. So if Billie's not here...
Believe it or not,
I would rather be helping you
- than be where I am right now.
- Why? Where are you?
I'm, uh...
on Skid Row,
trying to figure out how
to introduce myself to my new charge.
What's stopping you?
Well, I have to wait for the other felon
to leave first.
Why?
Apparently, this kid's at a crossroads. I'm supposed
to help him figure out how to make the right choice,
like that's gonna be real easy.
Well, back to our little problem here.
Don't tell me no, punk. You owe me.
I got to go. He's getting beat up. OK.
Wait. But...
Look, I'm just trying to stay
out of trouble, Donnie, that's all.
Yeah? Well, you don't drive,
and you're gonna be
in a world of trouble with me.
You got that, Speed? Huh?
Hey!
You better show up.
Punk.
You OK?
Who are you?
Uh, I'm someone who just saved you
from getting your ass kicked,
- that's who I am.
- Lady, I don't think so.
Speed, I know who you are.
I'm just trying to help you.
What are you,
my guardian angel or something?
Yeah. Or something.
- Aw, shoot!
- Wait!
You dented my hood. That's gonna cost you.
It wasn't what you think, all right?
The dude just tracked me down.
Leave him alone or I'm gonna call the cops.
Don't bother. That's where
he's headed already.
You're a parole officer?
Look at that.
Your girlfriend can read, huh?
What'd he do?
Broke parole. Consorting with a known felon.
Man, that's not what happened.
Come on, you gotta believe me.
Actually, no, I don't.
I wouldn't hang around out here,
lady, if I were you.
Not dressed like that.
Wow. These are so Greta Garbo.
Hey, now there's a woman that didn't need
a man to make her feel complete.
Hey, Billie, those are evidence, OK?
And not to mention somebody
probably died in them.
Hello.
No. I said I'm dying to see you.
It just must be a really bad connection.
Now, this is the kind of bondage
men want us in?
You know, I don't even know why
you bother hooking up.
After seeing this guy in my class this morning,
I am so sure women should be on top.
Do you mind?
I'm sorry. I meant that metaphorically.
Well, I'm speaking to a guy, OK,
and he means metaphysically.
Yeah, see, that's the thing.
Men just keep using their little heads
to do all the thinking for them.
You know, this whole yin/yang thing,
it's a complete hoax.
I mean, look at this lame gig.
Once again, the male establishment
is using women's skills for their busywork.
You know what? I gotta go, OK?
Yeah, I can't wait to see you, too. Sunday.
All right. Thanks. Bye.
Hey, can we lay off
the male bashing, please?
Sorry. I've just had one
too many lame dates lately.
I don't understand. Everyone I go out with
is so immature and childish.
Does that ever change?
Do they ever grow up?
Well, if I ever get outta here,
I'll let you know.
Hey.
Check this thing out.
No, no. No.
Uh, what just happened?
We're screwed.
That's what happened.
This is unbelievable.
Piper takes the car. Paige orbs.
Does anyone stop and think
that Phoebe can't orb?
No, of course not. Why?
Because it's all about them.
OK, hi. Yeah. I can't get this thing off.
Yeah, don't even bother. It's gonna take a spell
or a potion or some kind of emotional epiphany.
That blows. Are you sure?
Hello! Voice of experience.
I've been turned into a mermaid,
a mummy, a genie, OK?
Trust me. I know these things.
I can't believe this. I feel so stupid.
I had to put the belt on.
It's OK. Just think of it as initiation.
It happens to the best of us.
So it's not that bad?
Oh, no. It's bad. It's very, very bad.
Please, someone vanquish me now.
OK, we got to get you out of here.
Hey, taxi!
What the hell did you do to my cab?
Put it back.
Let's go. Let's go.
A dormant power's just been activated.
What do you mean dormant?
Well, judging by its intensity and frequency of the emissions,
I thought it was the Crystal of Kazimar.
But it's even more powerful than that.
The Golden Belt of Gaea.
"The goddesses' gift to Hippolyta endows the woman
wearing it with transcendent powers".
I'm sold. How do I get it?
Trust me. You don't want it.
It would destroy you
the moment you put it on.
You're evil.
Then what good is it to me?
Well, you could still appropriate its powers
by getting the woman who's wearing it
to do your bidding for you.
How, if she's good?
The belt's power will compel her
to use its force
whether she wants to or not.
In time, it'll drive her to madness,
consume her.
Of course, if you were
to befriend her before that...
Then I can get her to use the powers for me,
to get rid of Tai.
How do we find her?
There you are.
What about Jake? Did he check in yet?
Hey. Excuse me.
You almost hit me.
Hey, I'm gonna call you back.
Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me?
Before you peeled out of there,
you nearly hit me.
Oh. Sorry about that.
Oh.
Is that what you came
all the way down here for?
Yeah. That and just to, you know,
check and see how Speed's doing.
Let me guess. Missionary? Social worker?
Do-gooder?
Homeland Security, actually.
Really?
Mm-hmm. Check it out if you want.
All right, I think I will.
So what does Homeland Security
want with a street thug like Speed?
He's not a thug. He's a kid.
Oh, no, no. No. He's 18.
Barely.
Well, barely counts,
and he's gonna learn that.
Well, where's he supposed
to learn that? In jail?
No. We try to scare him so that
maybe he won't go back to jail.
Here you go, Henry.
He's all yours.
Thanks, Frank.
What's she doing here?
She's looking out for you,
so don't let her down.
Hey,
from now on, it's for real. You got that?
No more juvie passes. Next time it counts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You feds better keep your books open on this one.
Something tells me you're gonna see him again.
No. We won't.
He's destined for greatness.
You hear that?
- I'm destined for greatness.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you don't make your 4:00 check-in with me,
you're gonna be destined for prison.
Go on. I'm gonna take you home.
How many times do I have to say it?
I'd rather lose the club than have
somebody like Smitty help me out.
OK, but you're letting your feelings
about the guy get in the way of good business.
Oh, so, basically, you agree with him.
Now not only am I emotional,
but I am also, in fact, stupid.
- That's not what I meant.
- You know what?
At least I hold on to my principles.
OK, you know what, let's stop with the mudslinging
and think about this rationally.
Oh. So now I'm irrational?
No.
Yes. You're being irrational.
Smitty has amazing connections.
It doesn't make sense to alienate him.
OK, fine.
You know what? You deal with him,
man to man, all right? More power to you.
Sorry.
Yeah, she's a superhero. But, no,
you can't get mad at her
- because it's your fault.
- My fault?
Yeah, she tried on a belt in one of the boxes
that you were supposed to be going through.
- I couldn't help myself.
- Oh, no. Really?
OK, enough with the chatter. We have
to figure out how to get it off of her.
It's not gonna be easy.
That looks like Hippolyta's belt.
Hippo-who?
Wait. I know her from
my anthology class. Greek queen.
Super powerful. Wanted to create
men and women equal.
Wait a second. Didn't Hercules butcher her?
That's the one.
Oh, that's just great.
Oh, no. Why did you go and do that?
Who's gonna pick up the kids?
- What do you mean?
- Leo, look at yourself.
Ohh.
All right, turn him back. Right now.
I don't know how. I didn't do it.
This did it.
All right. Fine.
Did you just try and kill me?
- Go easy.
- Billie, relax. Of course not.
What's the matter with you?
I don't know. That was really weird.
Please get this off me.
To the book.
All right.
What aren't you telling us?
And don't think just because
you're invisible that I won't...
OK. I know the goddesses who made the belt
came up with a way to take it off.
But if we can't figure out
what that was, Billie's gonna die.
Oh, like the woman who wore it before,
who ended up in Murphy's cold case.
Probably.
I mean, the belt holds enormous power,
Piper.
It seduces the wearer
before it drives her insane.
We gotta fix this before
it goes horribly wrong.
Like it's not already.
All right, that's not funny. Move it. Move.
Where's this belt?
It won't just come to you on its own, Tai.
It must be lured. She must be lured.
How?
By attacking an innocent, a female.
But it must be more than just an attack.
You'll need to torment her if you wish to compel
the mistress of the belt to come to her aid.
I brought my demons here
to torment one innocent?
No.
You brought them here to help you
get power beyond your imagination.
Imagine your status in the underworld
when you bring such a trophy back.
All will bow to you.
If, of course, you can take
the belt away from her.
It won't be easy.
I think I can handle one lousy woman.
Oh, so strong.
Still, better safe than sorry.
I'll prepare for the belt's arrival.
OK, you just sit down right here and relax
until we can figure out a way
to get that thing off you.
If we can.
If we can, we should soon before
she turns any more men invisible.
Yeah. Well, you and I both know something
horrible is gonna have to happen
before we can get her out of that get-up.
Ohhh!
- I scratched my pretty belt.
- Oh, dear.
Now it's her "pretty belt".
What does that mean?
It just means that maybe the belt
is starting to affect you.
I don't think the belt is starting
to affect me. OK? I would know if...
oh, hold on.
I think I'm getting a call.
A call?
Yeah. I'll be right back.
Oh!
Whoa!
Anybody? Help?
Over here...
we're coming for you.
Dear God, help!
That's no way to treat a woman.
Get the belt.
I don't think so.
Men.
- Sweetie? Honey? Are you all right?
- Yeah,
except for the fact nobody can see me.
And the fact that the girl that did that
to you is out doing God knows what.
We have to find her.
Whoa! Watch the door...
Um, sorry, I'm still getting used to
this blurring thing,
- but oh, is it fun!
- Fun?
You're having fun?
We were worried about you.
Where have you been?
Well, let's see.
I rescued a woman in distress,
I killed off a bunch of male demons,
and I scratched my pretty belt again.
OK, Billie, I think you're getting
a little too attached to that thing.
Yeah, until we get it off, maybe
you should kind of stay put.
No, I don't wanna take it off.
It makes me feel powerful.
See that's a problem.
Actually, here's a problem.
Why are men so threatened
by powerful women?
Hey, look, I'm busy.
I'll call you when I have time.
There is nothing worse than a needy guy.
Right.
Uh, ladies, I think the belt's
affecting you, too.
- Oh, shush it, will you?
- Is there any way you can make his voice disappear?
Which means it's growing stronger.
Oh, you are such a downer.
No wonder I made you invisible.
Oops. My midterm. Almost forgot.
Oh, hey, could you make Leo
visible again before go?
Really? Why?
Well, he's gotta play golf apparently
to get me a band. So
what can I tell you? It's a man's world.
I guess I can try.
Oh, it worked.
Right on.
What the hell just happened?
- I think her powers are getting stronger.
- And taking her over.
Well, then we have to stop her.
He wants to go after her again.
I can't hold him off much longer.
Why didn't it work?
- Why didn't she kill him?
- I'm telling you, we're almost there.
How do you figure?
Tai's alive.
Male demons are still in control,
but I don't see any Wonder Witch
here to help me change things.
She killed his gang, didn't she?
That means the belt's hold on her
is strengthening. Now, soon
she'll be so intoxicated by it, you'll be able
to make your move, turn her.
Not if Tai kills me first.
Then use your wiles to hold him
at bay until I can find her.
She will be yours for the taking in no time.
You'd better be right...
or else there'll be one more
male demon to become extinct.
Speed.
Finally. Where have you been?
What are you doing here?
I'm supposed to be here.
I'm the parole officer, remember?
How did you get in? That door was locked.
I have my ways.
Really?
Oh, I'm listening.
- Look...
- No. You look.
- I don't know what your name is.
- My name is Paige.
OK, Paige.
Well, I have a job to do and a parolee to bust.
Now, what do you know about all that?
I don't know anything about all that.
I just came here to talk to him, OK?
Talk about what?
Talk about his future.
You know, how not to blow it.
And you think that that's all it's gonna take
to keep him out of trouble? Just some talk?
Well, it's a start, isn't it?
Why do you believe in him so much?
- Why don't you?
- No, I used to,
for the last 10 years. But
I'm getting pretty tired of trying to save
his useless ass.
Great. Don't. I'll do it.
You'll do it?
You're a little late.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, he's not here, is he?
No. Which means he's with Donnie,
which means Donnie talked him into the job.
- Jobs are good things.
- Not that kind of a job.
Robbing a liquor store.
Yeah. That's right.
And the cops know all about it.
And they're gonna bust him in the act...
No, no. Speed's not gonna be there.
- I got 20 bucks says he will.
- I have 20 that says he won't.
- You're on.
- Let's go.
- Where?
- I'll prove you wrong.
After you.
20 minutes, guys. 20 minutes.
Talk about tacky.
- Hey, Super Babe.
- I could use some action.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Test half over.
Time you have left,
you'll be lucky to get a "C."
Wouldn't expect anything more
from a sexist pig like you.
Excuse me?
Well, you have to admit your theories
are slanted to more of a male perspective.
So is the superhero costume
a comment on the male hierarchy?
I assume you're making a statement.
Yeah, that she's hot.
Shut up, pig!
Wait. Stop.
This isn't necessary.
This isn't right.
This isn't what you wanted, is it?
I can help you.
Who are you?
Someone who understands.
Come with me...
and all your questions will be answered.
I can't believe we missed her.
Well, at least she left there before
the entire class killed each other.
You mean before the girls killed the boys.
Sounds like history's repeating itself.
Hippolyta tried to use the belt
to create harmony between the sexes.
It blew up in her face, too.
Dare I ask what happened next?
Well, she retreated to an island of women,
killing any man who dared enter.
Well,
one must have gotten through
because Billie said Hercules killed her.
Which is why everyone who's worn the belt since
has tried to rid the entire world of men.
Oh, great.
Just when I start dating again.
You know, that means Wyatt and Chris, too.
Oh, come on. What are the possibilities
of this really happening?
Other people have worn the belt before
and men are still walking around.
But Billie was a powerful witch
before she put the belt on,
which pretty much makes her invincible.
She could do it, or at least,
kill a lot of men trying.
So, what, our only hope is that the belt
drives her insane and kills her first?
No, we have to figure out a way
to get the belt off of her,
and contain her, obviously,
so she doesn't do any harm.
If we can find her.
I guess I won't be golfing after all.
No. Actually, I think you should.
You're the target.
I want you as far away as possible.
Yes, but you're vulnerable
to the belt's powers. I'm not.
Yeah, I- I know, but now that
we know what to expect,
we'll keep our distance, I promise. No,
really, you should go, and, you know,
if you find me a band in the process,
that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Don't you see?
Women have evolved while
men have grown more barbaric.
Your destiny is to unite women,
bring peace into the world,
- and I can help.
- But you're a demon.
But I don't want to be.
Nor with your powers
will I have to be any longer.
This whole good-versus-evil paradigm...
it's all been fostered by men to divide us
because they can't create life.
So they try to destroy it.
I don't know.
Oh, think about it. We're at magic school.
It's filled with demons, which means if
I wanted you dead, you would be.
What do you want?
Peace.
Harmony.
Just... like... you.
With women ruling, good and evil goes away.
All walks of life live as one.
Of course, we may have to kill a few...
de-men in the process.
But that's where you come in.
I should talk to the sisters first.
They don't believe in a women's utopia
like we do.
They're stuck in the old ways. Battles.
- No. No, they're very strong women.
- Who have been corrupted by the male hierarchy.
They're scared of change.
They'd do anything to stop you,
which is why it's so important
we take over magic school,
make it our base. Peace.
Unity.
Think about it.
She's not well.
She'll be dead soon.
She just needs to live
long enough to kill Tai.
Then no one will dare challenge me.
You all right?
Yeah.
I just have to go to the bathroom is all.
Why didn't you say so?
Here you go. I won't look.
That's disgusting.
First stakeout, huh?
No. I've been on lots of stakeouts.
What?
I don't know. Still trying
to figure you out.
Why?
'Cause I can't. That's why.
I do like a challenge, though.
Suspect vehicle approaching
south on Larson. Over.
Suspect vehicle is in position,
2 black males considered
armed and dangerous. Stand by. Over.
Damn.
It looks like you lost our bet.
He hasn't done anything yet.
Boy, you are an optimist, huh?
No. I just have faith.
So do I.
Yo.
Chill, dog.
- Look, I don't wanna be doing this.
- Yeah?
Well, it's too late.
What are you waiting for?
Drive to the front.
I can't, man. I don't wanna
be doing this. I can't.
The hell you can't.
Drive, damn it.
All units engage, engage!
Stay here.
Son of a bitch.
Police! Freeze! Don't move!
You owe me 20 bucks.
This isn't working.
Either super Billie's completely taken over
or she just doesn't wanna be found.
Well, we could try the
"to call a lost witch" spell.
If there's any witch left in her,
it should bring her
back here whether she likes it or not.
Well, what if that doesn't work?
Well, then mankind
has got a serious problem.
Oh, I should've stopped her.
Don't worry about it. It's a job hazard.
It would've happened sooner or later.
She's gonna be pretty upset when she comes back here.
Do you think we should call for Paige?
No. She's got her own innocent
to save. Besides,
if Billie gets here and we can't handle it,
we'll call for her.
"Power of the witches rise,
course unseen across the skies".
"Come to us who call you near,
come to us and settle here".
What did you do that for?
We we just worried about you, that's all.
That's bull. You just don't want me
to create my utopia.
Your what?
Are you kidding? We love utopias.
I mean, we're witches you know.
We're into the girl power.
Fine. What do you want?
We just wanna talk,
see how you're doing. Now!
Aah! You lied to me! Zira was right.
Zira?
There's no wrath like a woman scorned.
Huh.
We have got to find her
and bring her back here
'cause I am not cleaning up this mess.
Zira.
I'm all yours.
So, maybe we could try the spell
again and bring her back.
And do what with her, watch her
destroy the rest of the house?
- I mean, we can't contain her.
- There's gotta be a way.
Hey. I, uh, guess Billie's
still wearing the belt, huh?
- You think?
- Oh, nice.
You're out playing golf while
we're trying to save your gender.
No. I told him to, and it's
a good thing I did, because
Billie might have killed you.
She's getting worse, isn't she?
Yeah, And she's teamed up with a demon.
If I were a guy,
I'd definitely be a little nervous.
Any chance that
she went back to magic school?
Maybe. Why?
Well, because if they did, we
might be able to get the belt off her there.
The goddesses' spell's got
to be in one of the history books.
It's gonna be pretty tough
to get by her unseen.
Well, I think unseen is the answer.
You wouldn't listen to me, huh?
- Just had to go and do something stupid.
- Hey, easy.
- Oh, man, you don't understand.
- No, I understand.
You screwed up. That's what I understand.
Why don't you just listen
to what he has to say?
I don't like this any better
than you do, OK?
I don't have any choice. He's an accessory
to robbery and I'm gonna take him in.
I'm telling you, that's not
the way it went down.
OK. Well, why don't you
tell that to the judge?
Wait.
What happened?
What happened to you?
That was I was trying to tell you.
Donnie stuck me 'cause I wouldn't drive.
Then what the hell were you
doing there? Huh?
Just forget it, man.
No. No. If what he's saying is the truth,
then that makes him innocent.
- That's not my call.
- Actually, it is your call whether you take him in or not.
Look, why don't you check
the other guy's knife?
If his blood is on it, then he's exonerated.
Let's go. Excuse us.
What?
You set me up.
It's called evolution, Tai.
Your kind's irrelevant.
You fool.
She's just using you.
There's no battle of the sexes.
The eternal fight is between good and evil.
I can't believe he's finally dead.
It's almost anticlimactic.
Is he really gone?
You missed one.
Ah!
Are you all right? You don't look well.
I don't feel very good.
It's all right. You just rest.
It'll be all over soon. I promise.
Sooner than you think.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, we've come to save you.
Again.
You can't save her. It's too late.
Wanna bet?
Book.
- They're after your belt. Kill them.
- Leo!
Nooooo!
Say the damn spell!
"For all the world to work as one,
in harmony it must be undone".
Belt!
Uh-oh.
All right. Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
Huh. It's nice to see you.
It's good to be seen.
What happened?
Leo, uh, just saved your life.
- Yin/yang working together.
- Just like it should be.
Good job, yang.
Thanks, yin.
Come on.
What are we doing?
Yeah, inspector. It's Henry.
Hey, by any chance did that kid Donnie
have a knife on him when he was arrested?
It had blood on it?
No, no, no. It's nothing.
I was just curious. Thanks.
Turn around.
What's up?
I'm letting you go.
That's what's up.
Wait. So-so you mean you believe me?
This time.
Go.
Hello.
So do you want cash,
or can I send you a check?
- Henry?
- You were right about the kid.
He was clean.
How did you get my number?
Oh, you're not the only one
with connections.
I see.
Hey, Speed owes you.
I owe you, too.
Just doing my job.
Well...
good night.
Good night.
That better be a virgin colada. I don't wanna lose
my license the same night I land Liz Phair.
Don't worry. I think I've caused enough trouble
for you guys for one day.
You were bound to turn into
something eventually.
Yeah. But Wonder Witch?
Not to mention I almost
terminated an entire gender.
Yeah, but the point is you didn't.
Thankfully.
Yeah, I just wish I still wasn't
so confused about men.
Don't worry. They're just
as confused about us.
I know, but I'm still a little gun-shy.
It's OK.
You have time.
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together.
Welcome to P-3 Liz Phair!
- I still can't believe Leo got her.
- Yeah. Well, you know,
- Guys. Golf. Go figure.
- To the mystery of men.
I'm so far,
so far away from it now
that it seems
like I may never know how
people stay
in love for half of their lives.
It's a secret they keep
between the husbands and wives.
Baby, there goes somebody's miracle
walkin' down the street.
There goes some other fairy tale.
I wish it could happen to me
but I look at myself
and I think, what the hell?
Maybe I'm just too naive
to have such faith in myself.
You know, I'm prayin' for it.