Charmed (1998–2006): Season 7, Episode 4 - Charrrmed! - full transcript

All set. The kids are asleep.

What about Phoebe and Paige?

You want me to put them to bed too?

Paige is at school,
and Phoebe went to the movies.

Really? On a date?

- No, with a friend.
- That's good.

She's taking advantage of not
having to be at work in the morning.

That's... That's good.

You're stalling.

Don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

You're one Elder calling another
to see if you can help.



But what if they found out?

They haven't.
We already talked about this.

You're not gonna be able to move on
if you don't let go of the past.

That's the reason
you're doing this, remember?

- What?
- You'll think I'm crazy.

I already think you're crazy.

- What is it?
- It's just...

I've been seeing things lately.

Hearing voices that
make me feel like I can't come back.

I don't know if they're
real or not, but they...

...seem like they are.

That's probably just
self-doubt, ignore it.

- Or a guilty conscience.
- You have nothing to feel guilty about.

What happened was out of your control.
All that matters is what's next.



So go play nice
with the other Elders.

Please let him get through this.

Hello, Leo.

Hey. Thanks for coming.

- How have you been?
- Good. Great.

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

We can't let you back up there,
if that's what you want.

No. I understand.

So...

...any word on who killed Zola yet?

No. But we'll
find who did it. We have to.

So, what can I help you with?

Well, actually,
I was hoping to help you.

I mean, you know, as an Elder.

- I don't quite follow.
- I want to do what I used to do...

...before Gideon.

I'm just trying to find my way again.

A couple of Whitelighters have
lost track of their charges recently.

Two in the last three nights.

- May be nothing...
- Charges.

- Whitelighters-to-be or witches?
- Witches. Just practitioners.

- Not powerful, but...
- I'll get the sisters on it.

Good. Keep me posted.

He lies, Leo. He lies.

You can't trust him.

You can't trust yourself.

Hello?

Anybody tell you
not to walk alone at night, witch?

Help!

Help!

This should be so easy.

I don't understand
why I can't find them.

I tried sensing them,
summoning them.

I tried scrying for them.
I gotta be overlooking something.

Or maybe there's nothing to overlook.

I mean, let's face it,
the Elder said this could be nothing.

- They're still missing.
- Maybe you're trying too hard.

He wants me to do this.
He wouldn't have given this to me

- unless it was something.
- Okay, so, what do we know so far?

What are the common denominators?

Besides the fact that they're witches,

fog rolled in before they disappeared.

Of course the fog rolled in.
It's San Francisco.

- What?
- Nothing, it's just I miss this.

Sleepless nights
and endless exposition? Not me.

Do I look like a ma'am to you?

Morning, sunshine.

I was just at Magic School taking Wyatt
to the nursery... He's fine I might add.

...and a student bumped into me
and said, "Excuse me..."

A kid with manners?
Alert the authorities!

You didn't let me finish!

He said, "Excuse me... ma'am."

- Do I look like a ma'am?
- He was being respectful.

Something happened
since I took over Magic School.

- You're obsessing.
- You're damn right I'm obsessing!

- I am far too young to be old.
- Okay, obsess about this instead.

Young women disappearing
around the city when the fog rolls in.

- That's what you got?
- That's all the Elders know.

We haven't been able
to find out much else.

- You spoke to the Elders?
- Yes. And I promised we'd help.

Good for you. You know,

this actually sounds like a job
for the young, kick-ass Charmed Ones.

Where are you going?
Come with me.

- I'm gonna scry for 'em.
- We tried. Didn't work.

Too much time's passed
since the last disappeared.

Why don't we try to find out
if anyone has disappeared recently?

- I'm sure the Elders would've told me.
- Not if they don't know about it yet.

What about Morris?
I'm sure he could ask Missing Persons.

Yeah, go ahead, you can go ask him.

He's outside.

They're watching us?

- Staking us out.
- Is that legal?

Apparently Sheridan wants us real bad.

Which means you can't run around
the city looking for missing witches.

Unless there's a distraction.

Phoebe still at home?

I don't understand. I sent
the blood sample three weeks ago.

What do you mean,
you can't find it?

- You know they can see us, right?
- I want them to see us.

Sheridan, Inspector Sheridan,
SFPD, the Halliwell case.

No, it's not a murder investigation.

I don't know what it is. That's why
I need the damn blood results!

I hate Feds!

Where did you get the sample from?

From Piper's bedroom...
when I was curiously knocked out.

- What do you think the blood'll show?
- What's really going on.

- You might wanna put on a happy face.
- Good morning, inspector.

You must be hungry. Breakfast,
most important meal of the day.

- If you think this will get me...
- Yeah. Okay, wow. That's better.

Are you out of your mind?
Unfreeze her now!

Sorry, can't. We need to talk.

Listen, I've got nothing to say.
I made that clear.

Yeah, so I've heard.

About the missing women that
you're not telling the press about?

- How'd you find out?
- They're witches. We need to find them.

Any reported missing
in the last 24 hours?

Piper, listen.
You know I can't help you.

If you want to help Sheridan hang us
out to dry, that's your business.

This is not about that.
This is about people in trouble.

So are you gonna help us or not?

Listen, there was one on
the missing report this morning.

Brenda Castillo, 22.
She lives in the Heights.

Roommate says
she never came home,

- but until she's missing 24...
- We'll find her in 12. Thanks.

You're welcome. Now,
will you hurry up and unfreeze her?

...get me off your tail.

Now, inspector,
why would I wanna do that?

- Nice try.
- Whoa!

It's all right.
I'll clean this up!

Okay, Paige, you're on.
Brenda Castillo, the Heights.

Don't bother screaming, love.
No one can hear you.

- What? What do you want from me?
- We don't want nothing.

However, our captain
would like a word with you.

- Oh, my...
- God? 'Fraid not.

You'll have to settle for
Captain Black Jack Cutting.

- Aye, aye, captain!
- Don't you just love clich?s?

Don't just stand there, you fool.
Bring it closer!

The stench of witch.

I'd know that anywhere.

- What do you want?
- I want you to die...

...but not too fast.

One of your kind cursed me
with this a very long time ago.

Of course, then I used it
to cut her heart out.

Take it away!

- What about the Charmed Ones?
- All good things to those who wait.

Do as I say,
or I'll have you in irons!

Knock, knock.

Phoebe! Hey,
what are you doing here?

I'm just returning your phone call.

Wow, returning my call.

Most people return phone calls
with... I don't know, phone calls.

Yeah, well, I kinda
needed to get out of the house.

We're experiencing
a bit of a pest problem.

- Is it serious?
- Too soon to tell.

- What did you call about?
- Well, it was a little timely.

I had to make a decision, but...

You did give me free reign, didn't you?

Yes, absolutely.

How else would I be
enjoying my sabbatical, right?

Exactly.

So that's it? Nothing else
you needed to talk to me about?

- Nope, I can't think of anything.
- Ask me? Nothing?

Nah.

Okay.

Wait, there was one thing, actually.

I was... I was looking through
your notes and ideas last week,

- and I found something about a contest.
- The Win a Date With Phoebe contest.

- That was Elise's idea.
- I think it's a great idea.

Readers love to be
talked to and not down to.

A date gives you a chance to make them
feel like you're part of their lives.

- Really?
- You know, it's a great PR move.

I mean, I really...

I'd love to leave you with
more readers than you had when I came.

That's really sweet, Leslie.

But I think I'm taking a break
from the dating world, as well.

Besides, you never know
who's gonna win a contest like that.

Well, I would win it.

I mean, just to protect you, of course.

- Are you asking me out on a date?
- Strictly professional.

How about we go tonight,
we get it over with.

"Get it over with"?

So we don't infringe
on your life away from here

- any more than we already have.
- Okay, call me stupid,

but shouldn't you run the contest in
the paper before you decide who wins?

Details. I'll... I'll hold the copy
on the date and print it after.

So, what do you say.
Maxine's, 8.00?

All right, 8.00.

Can I help you?

Hi, I'm Paige Matthews.
I'm here about Brenda Castillo.

Are you from the police?

No, I'm just somebody
who's concerned about her.

- I'm sorry.
- No, please...

Is Brenda a witch, by any chance?

Because if she is,
I think I can help find her.

Come in.

Thanks.

Are you one too?

- A witch, I mean.
- Yeah. You?

Oh, no.
No, that's Brenda's thing.

You don't believe in witchcraft?

I will if it'll help find her.

She wouldn't just not come home.

She never has.

But the police,
they won't do a thing.

Yeah, it's the whole
24 hour deal, right?

You guys seem close.
Are you sisters, roommates?

No... partners.

That's another reason
the police won't do anything.

They think it's a lover's quarrel,
or something. Like it's a big joke.

I know it's not a joke.
Look, if I'm gonna find her,

I'm gonna need something,
anything to go off of.

Maybe this'll help.

I found it on the floor
when I got home.

I'd never seen it before.

What do you think it means?

Brenda!

Brenda.

Brenda.

Go away. Hurry.

Took you long enough, dearie.

We've been waiting for you.

You wouldn't orb out and leave
an innocent stranded, would you, witch?

You look like you've been
out to sea for quite some time.

Nearly 300 years,

in a place beyond time and space.

Only when the mystical fog rolls in,
do we get a chance

to come and play
in fair port cities like your own.

- See, I would have chosen London.
- I did. They didn't have what I want.

- And what's that?
- You and your sisters.

Only you can get me
the treasure I so desire.

- I guess I forgot where I buried it.
- You're quick with the tongue.

Let me ask you, when the
gathering storm arrives here,

will you be making jokes then?

"Gathering storm"?

I'm so sorry.
I don't speak pirate, matey.

This is not pirate lore. This is
something very real, very dangerous.

And I don't intend to be
stuck here when it arrives.

Sword!

Excuse me. Would you mind?

Okay, you're supposed to be...

Dead. He wishes.

That's gonna leave a mark.

You let her escape!

I let her go.

- She's no good alone.
- Her sisters...

Will come when they
realise they've no choice.

Are you questioning me, first mate?
Remember your oath?

You do as I say when I say it.
Understand?

You all will, or this hell
we're in will never end.

What about the golden chalice?

We've had trouble procuring it, sir.

There may be another way.
For now, make yourselves scarce.

We want the witches
to rescue her, remember!

- Aye.
- Aye.

All right, you need
to slow down and relax.

Okay, I can't because
we need to find Brenda.

Look, whatever their angle is,
whatever the reason is,

we can't go in there blind like you did,
which, I may add, was dangerous.

All I did was scry for her
with the coin. Is that so bad?

Look where it got you.
If you go back in,

- you could be walking the plank.
- Cute.

Strangely, there's
nothing in here about pirates.

- Do you know anything?
- Pirates? A little before my time.

Are you sure there's nothing in here?

You need glasses there, ma'am?

No! I'm just a little woozy.

We need to know
what we're up against.

We need to go to Magic School since
they're obviously not of this time.

- Who's not?
- Just, you know, pirates.

Pirates? Like hot,
Johnny Depp pirates?

- Yeah, probably not.
- Tell her, Paige.

Tell her what? Why we
left an innocent stranded?

No, why we almost lost a sister.

If they'd wanted to kill me,
they would have.

They're obviously after something else.

Yeah, like wanting to kill all of us.

- Okay, what's going on, you two?
- We'll catch you up on the way.

Right now, we need to go
brush up on our pirate lore.

- Can you watch the kids?
- Yeah, but...

You did your part. Let us do ours.

Okay, what if we don't find anything?
Pirates aren't known to be magical.

- Do you have a better idea?
- Actually, yes. I might.

- You wanna know about pirate movies?
- Tell me everything.

- I thought you were on sabbatical.
- It's not for my column. It's personal.

Well, I guess Mutiny on the Bounty
is the very best pirate movie.

- The Clark Gable version.
- Wait, that's not a pirate movie.

That's a swashbuckler.
There's a big difference.

- Sorry, couldn't help but overhear.
- Have your doctorate in pirates?

I grew up watching pirate movies
with my dad. Hey, I got this.

Captain Blood and Cutthroat Island.

Blackbeard's Ghost.
I mean, I've seen 'em all.

Even Yellowbeard.
It's a great spoof.

- You're full of surprises, aren't you?
- Yeah, wait until tonight.

We're still on, aren't we?

You wouldn't wanna
break the pirate's oath.

- The pirate's oath, what's that?
- Oh, yeah.

The captain gives his word to crew,
he's gotta hold to it or face mutiny.

And would I be the captain
or the crew in that analogy?

It is your column.

Yeah, I wouldn't want
to disappoint my readers.

So, what else do you
wanna know about pirates?

Tell me this isn't happening.

I can't believe he's gonna
pull us off this case.

- Truth is, we don't have much to go on.
- We've got plenty to go on.

We'd have a lot more
if you came clean.

You think I know more than what I do.

Look, don't insult me, okay?

We both know
that you're covering for them.

So don't pretend like you're not.

All I know is, the Halliwells
are really good people.

They do good things.

Like send us on a wild-goose chase
so that they can do

God only knows what.

Six years of unsolved crimes,
of all types,

all mysteriously connected to them.

I don't care what you say, Morris.
That's not good people.

- Who're you calling?
- Captain wants proof.

I'm calling the Feds.

See what happened with that
blood sample, once and for all.

You want the Feds?

You got 'em.

I think I found something.

I said, I think I found something.
What, are you deaf now too?

Well, you're gonna go deaf first.
Don't forget, you're the older sister.

Yeah, I love you too. Okay, so...

Black Jack Cutting sound familiar?

No, we weren't formally introduced.

He tricked a witch into
falling for him in the 18th century

so she'd give him immortality.

- Quite a spell.
- Yeah, it didn't help her much.

He cut her heart out with
the same athame she used to curse him.

- Who?
- What do you mean? The captain,

- the guy we're talking about.
- Right. Right, right.

Wait, what was the question?

Are you all right?
You don't look so good.

I look fine. And yeah,

I'm just concerned with Brenda,
I guess. I don't know.

Okay, let's see. He did say something
about a storm, a gathering storm.

There's nothing about a storm,
just the curse.

I guess I'd better make
these potions a little stronger.

Yo-ho, hello!

Did you just call me a ho?
How'd you get here?

A pirate never betrays
his vow of secrecy.

Leo orbed me.

Ask me anything you wanna know
about buccaneers. I know everything.

You see a movie critic,
and suddenly you're an expert.

No, I ran into Leslie, and he
taught me everything he knows.

I bet.

Looking forward to your date tonight?

No, I'm not.
It's just a publicity stunt.

Right.

Oops!

Paige, what...?

What happened, honey?
What's wrong with your hand?

I don't know.

I think that athame
did more damage than we thought.

I'm gonna just go
sit on the couch. Okay?

Maybe you guys
concentrate on Brenda and...

...making more potions.

Are you sure we're talking
about the same man?

All right, thank you.

Okay, Agent Brody,

you check out, for now.

Great.
Now, can we get to work?

What agency
did they say he was from?

Homeland Security.

- What division?
- The classified one.

You're pretty protective
of the sisters, aren't you?

- I've known them a long time.
- Six and a half years.

I do my homework.

What are you doing here?
What do you want?

I wanna know
where you got that blood from.

- Why?
- 'Cause whatever it is, it's not human.

DNA showed a triple helix.
We've only got two.

Plus plasma, platelets,
Rh factors, all incredible.

Somebody messed up. You were
not supposed to find that blood.

I don't understand.

You wanna explain it to her?

Explain what?

What kind of being
that sample came from.

Being? How would I know?

Don't worry, lieutenant,
I'm not after you.

I'm after the Halliwells.

The recent rash of missing women
that you've been ignoring

matches a pattern
that goes back for decades.

Barbados, Panama, Newfoundland,
New Orleans and now here.

Except they aren't missing women.

- They're missing witches.
- Witches?

Like the three sisters. If I'm right,
then one will lead us to the other.

So you're saying that
the Halliwells are not human?

No, they're human all right.

But the sample,
it just came from something... else.

So if I were you,
I'd watch my step.

People tend to disappear
around these girls, especially cops.

Now, I have been looking
for a long time to prove my theories.

Now all I gotta do
is catch 'em in the act.

- But how?
- Got any golden chalices lying around?

Maybe Paige scared them away.

It's possible.

Pirates don't run from fights.
They lure you into them.

Piper, come here!
Grab that lantern.

You must leave.

Who did this to you?

Pirates.

He cut me with the athame.

Wait a minute. Who are you?
What's your name?

Brenda.

Save your sister.

We gotta go get Paige.

Paige! Are you okay?

Paige?

Well...

Now I'm a ma'am.

Easy, easy, easy. We gotcha.

It took a little more
out of me than I thought.

- Yeah.
- Here... Couch, couch.

Leo, get up here!

Are you two back together?

Oh, I forget.

Leo!

What's the matter?
What happened?

Just heal this... now.

Heal... heal what?

It's Paige! It's just Paige.
She's just...

- Don't ask. Just fix her.
- Fix? What happened?

Well, she got cut by
a cursed athame, and she's aging.

Aging? Well, I can't fix aging.

I can't find a reversal
for the curse in here.

Naturally.

Captain Cutting must be banking
on us finding a reversal to the curse

so that we could save them both.

I should check with the Elders.

No, we don't have time.
She's gaining years by the hour.

Forget about me.
You have to save Brenda first.

- Sweetie, we lost her already.
- Yeah, but we're not gonna lose you.

Shiver me britches.

Shiver me britches.

You've got to be kidding me.

No, don't blow him up!

Fine!

Obviously, he was sent here
for a reason.

What's it say?

"Captain Black Jack Cutting cordially
invites you to Treasure Island."

- We were invited.
- Invited? Or were you... tricked?

You wouldn't wanna be
violating parley, would you?

Phoebe, now is not the time
for stupid pirate facts.

How would you know about parley?

Actually, I know everything
about parley. Everyone does.

It's the sacredness of the
captain's word, right, Piper?

- Remember, Pirates of the Caribbean?
- Okay, so?

So... it's what keeps
the crew from mutiny.

Yeah. It's the oath
of the pirates, right?

As long as the captain keeps his word,
you're bound to him forever.

Yeah, and what's it to you?

Well, quite honestly,
it just doesn't seem fair.

I mean, he's the one
that's cursed, not you, right?

I mean, how are you ever
supposed to move on?

What are you jabbering about
over there? Bring 'em closer!

Whoa! Easy!

Come to save your sister, have you?

How noble of you.

You're wasting your time.
We can't reverse the curse.

You don't have to.

Just need to call forth
the Fountain of Youth.

That's a myth.

So are 300-year-old pirates who sail
the high seas searching for revenge!

Take it from me,
the Fountain of Youth is very real.

Only Ponce de Le?n had it wrong.
I've got it right.

And finding it is the only way
to save your precious sister's life.

He wants you to do what?

- Break into a museum.
- To find the Fountain of Youth.

No, to steal a golden chalice
that turns on the Fountain.

- You can't do this.
- I don't have a choice.

Without the chalice,
I can't cast a spell.

Without the spell,
I can't save Paige.

What if you get caught?
This is what Sheridan wants.

Forget her.
This is about family.

A family you have to
be able to take care of

- if anything happens to us.
- Piper...

I mean it. You need to promise me
you'll be able to take care of them.

- I can't believe you're saying this.
- Well, believe it.

Ignore the voices, and you'll be fine.

You have to be.

- So far, so good.
- Oh, yeah?

Wow.

If we pull this off,
Paige owes me Prada.

And babysitting for a year.

You're getting a call now?

Oh, no! Oh, no!
Piper, it's Leslie.

- I forgot our date.
- Don't you mean your publicity stunt?

What do you want?

- I want you to admit that you like him.
- No.

- You gonna answer it?
- No, we're busy right now.

What am I gonna tell him,
we're robbing a museum?

Okay, deep breath.
Clear your mind.

Think positive, think positive.
Ready? Ready?

Okay, after you.

Easy.

Careful!

Okay.

Now what?

Nicely done.

This is bad. This is bad!

- How'd you know they'd be here?
- What're you doing?

- I'm gonna bust 'em.
- Not with that you're not.

I don't wanna catch 'em stealing.
I wanna catch 'em using magic.

- Welcome back, ladies.
- Stow it!

- Here's your chalice.
- What's your hurry?

Now, the spell, if you will.

With these offerings, I call on thee
the goddess of fertility

Rise now, show us the truth

Give us the gift of eternal youth

Look!

He's young again!

Mother of God.

Now my sister.

What about her?

- Run them through!
- Aye.

Whoa! He just broke his oath.

- He promised not to hurt us, remember?
- Kill them! What're you waiting for!

He doesn't care about his oath or
parley. All he cares about is himself.

He promised you treasures?

He promised you freedom,
but where is it?

He lied.

He broke his oath.
Now you can too.

Yeah, he did break his oath.

I'll have you drawn and quartered, sir.

Raised from the highest yardarm
until the sun rots your skin!

Then I'll feed you to the sharks!

Looks like mutiny to me.

You'll die too, you know.
You're only alive because of me.

It's a fate worse than death,
I can assure you!

Thank you.

Nice speech.

There's still some left.
We gotta get it to Paige.

Wait! We don't want this
happening anytime again.

Hold it right there!

I don't know how you did that,
but just don't move.

- Darryl, do something.
- I can't.

Face down, on the ground. Now!

Dart gun.

I told you, Morris,
I wasn't after you.

She'll be all right. Gonna
wake up with a hell of a headache.

- Who are you?
- Someone you owe now.

Go on, get out of here.

We'll take care of her.
Got a sister to save, right?

Think you can
give me a hand with her?

Seriously, I think
I'm gonna need some help.

Hey.

Hey. How you feeling?

I feel young.
I feel grateful.

You're not gonna hear me complain

about getting old again
till I'm at least 75.

The good news is,
you'll be there before I am.

You're right.

Hey, what did that Agent Brody want?

I don't know.
But that's tomorrow's problem.

- He did a good job.
- Yeah, he did.

Think it'll stay that way?

I hope so.

All right. Good night, sweetie.

Good night... ma'am.

It's not over yet, you know.

His wounds won't easily heal.

They may never.

I know.

Just don't give up on him.

We're all going to need him back...

...before the gathering storm.

Knock, knock.

You're really mad, aren't you?

No, no.
I get stood up all the time.

I'm sure that's not true. Listen...

...I would have called you, but I...
- But what? Why didn't you?

- Know what? It's complicated.
- You use that excuse a lot.

Is it something you're not telling me,
or you think I'm stupid?

- No, I don't think you're stupid.
- What are you afraid of?

Who says I'm afraid of anything?

- You're afraid of commitment.
- Commitment?

What're you talking about?
I thought this was a publicity stunt.

The hell you did.

Why can't you
just admit you like me?

- What is the big deal?
- You're one to talk, mister.

You're the one that had
to orchestrate this whole contest.

- You're too afraid to ask me out.
- That's not true.

- No?
- It's not true.

Oh, really? Okay.

Then how come
you didn't tell me about it

until after you already printed it?

Until after you "won" the contest?

Yeah, that's right,
I knew the whole time.

- You didn't say anything.
- No, you didn't.

- You never called me back!
- That's lame!

If you knew, why agree
to go through with it?

- Well, because I...
- Because of what? Come on!

Honestly,
you wanna know the truth?

I didn't want to embarrass you.

- Wrong answer.
- You don't know me!

- You won't let me know you.
- Not true!

You're afraid of getting involved.

- You're afraid of getting hurt.
- Save the advice for your readers.

You read me.