Charmed (1998–2006): Season 6, Episode 13 - Used Karma - full transcript

Okay, this has been
really fun, guys, but Phoebe

actually brought us here tonight
to say something, didn't you, Pheebs?

No, no, I... I just think that we don't get
to see enough of each other, that's all.

Might be a little longer, too, seeing
as we're off to Paris in the morning.

Yeah, about that French merger?

Hong Kong, Rome, gay Paris.
It's enough to send

-a girl's head spinning, know?
-But wasn't there something you really

wanted to say about...?

Uh, you must have
great business karma.

Oh, karma?
I don't believe in that stuff.

-No, not at all?
-Well, I mean, you know,



if somebody cuts me off on the road,

I'd like to think that they're
gonna get what's coming to them.

That's karma, the great cosmic justice
system. You reap what you sow.

Great, fabulous. Anyway, Phoebe.

[YELPS]

Uh, okay. All right. Uh...

Jason, there is something
that I want to share

with you right now.

And that...

...would be...

...a toast.

A toast to your new merger.

Pheebs, could you help me?
With the cobbler?

Am I missing something?



Okay, that was a three-course meal,

not including the fruit and cheese
plate. I gave you a million openings.

What do you want, a drum roll?

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

You are going with him
to France tomorrow.

You've put this off for too long.
You have to tell him you're a witch.

I just think maybe
we should wait until

we get there to tell him, you know?

Then if there's an emergency,
you can orb us back, okay?

You've probably been caught
almost like a million times.

You can't keep taking that risk.

PHOEBE:
I know.

Maybe I should wait till tomorrow,

until after the big banquet
so I don't upset his big day.

I think that you have a big
problem with avoiding conflict,

and one day, missy, it is gonna
come back and bite you in the ass.

Hey, he's getting
a little antsy in there.

And you, what is it
with this whole karma thing?

You're supposed to be
making it easier for her.

Piper's under attack,
she needs help.

Saved by the orb, great.
Keep Jason occupied.

Leo?

What are you doing here?

Uh, just bringing dessert,
you want some?

The girls are just tidying up.

Crap.

PHOEBE: Piper.
-About time.

It wasn't easy to find you
in these catacombs.

You were supposed to wait
so I could help.

Well, I thought I could handle it.

Except I must have
missed something in the Book.

-I guess so.
-Look, every time I hit one,

two more show up.

Okay, back up.

Hey, boys.

Okay, new plan. Blast and then bail.

Okay.

Hey, Phoebe,
what's taking you so long?

Where...? Where did they go?

Must be an emergency
or something.

It's always some emergency
or some phone call

or some marathon pee break.
What's going on?

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[BABY CRYING ON MONITOR]

I think I'd better go check on Wyatt.

I've never seen him like that.
He looked at me

like he had no idea who I was.

He doesn't know you.
Not the witch you anyway.

He's just gonna need some time.

Why didn't I just tell him?
And no "I told you so's."

We all make little mistakes, honey.

This was a very big mistake.

I can't imagine how he's feeling
right now, what he's going through.

The good news is,
it's out in the open now

and, you know, you guys
have no more secrets.

Food's away, table's cleared.
There anything else I can do?

No, thank you.

Hey, I feel awful.
Sorry about what happened.

It's not your fault.

Well... Well, actually it is.

Why? Did you shove Jason
into the kitchen?

No, but my karma did.

I'm serious. I'm convinced I'm carrying
the burden of my family's karma.

I mean, we did so much bad
with magic.

Now magic's doing bad to me.
And those I care about.

Now, that is completely ridiculous.

The feud has lasted
for decades in my family

and so many people
were hurt in the crossfire.

I mean, somebody's gotta
inherit that bad karma, right?

That's not really how karma works.

You live a double life
with your boyfriend,

and you pay the price. If anyone's
karma made this happen, it's mine.

That's true. You had the chance
to clean this up tonight, and you didn't.

See, there's that
"I told you so," huh?

Only to make a point.

No, you're right. I've been
avoiding conflict my whole life.

What, and it just happened
the night I was here? I mean,

-that's all I'm saying.
-You guys,

this mea culpa game is real fun and all,
but we're not gonna solve anything.

Those multiplying swarm demons
on the other hand?

Right, we riled them up, didn't we?

And if they attack right now,
we won't know how to deal with them.

So why don't you two hit the Book
and I'll catch up after I check on Wyatt.

Would you guys mind
if I sat this one out?

I kind of feel like
I need to go see Jason.

-Well, maybe after we've...
-No, we can handle it.

LEO:
All right.

[CRIES]

Leo. No, no, no.

What? What, what, what is it?

This, this.

What, my grandmother's quilt?

Her red quilt, the color of anger
and violence and all things bad.

-Bad? I used that quilt.
-Well, you can have it back.

Wyatt is now using
the powder-blue baby blanket.

Did you turn off
the serenity Mozart CD?

Look, we need to bathe Wyatt
in goodness,

and nurture peace
and serenity, happy things.

Piper, don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?

Leo, there is no such thing
as overreacting

when it comes
to the future of our child.

Okay, but aren't the swarm demons
the last on the list of threats?

-Yes, but...
-Okay, and when they're gone,

are you gonna stop
worrying a little bit?

No, because I sent Chris to suss out
if there's any new threats.

Okay, not to press a point,
but didn't you just have an epiphany

about not focusing all
of your energy on Wyatt?

Yes, well, that was before
Chris informed us

that our child was gonna grow up
to be the future of all evil.

Besides, it's not all I do.
I have the club, I have friends.

Well...

Look, it's just that
Wyatt still comes first.

Which is why you are gonna
take him up to the elders

so he's safe while we figure out
how to deal with the swarm demons.

While you're there,
ask them if there's anything

they can do to ensure
goodness in Wyatt.

-You know, pull a few strings?
-Piper, we don't need strings pulled,

we can protect our son ourselves.

Well, in the future,
apparently, we don't.

Okay, so look, there are blue bootees
in the bag in case he gets cold.

So don't be afraid
to use them, okay?

[WYATT COOS]

Don't ask me, she's your mother.

Look, you and I both know,
in order to make this work,

-you can't repress yourself.
-I'm not. Look, practicing magic.

Yeah, but you don't want me to.

Every relationship is gonna
have its challenges, right?

-Look at Phoebe and Jason.
-I'm telling you, that was me.

No, that was them not being
truthful with each other.

And as long as we are,
we're gonna be fine.

"Fine" would be if I could
start over with a clean slate.

You just be the wonderful person
that you are,

and it's gonna make up for all the
bad things that your family ever did.

Not in this lifetime.
I want to start over.

It's not possible.
If it were, everybody would do it.

Okay, everybody's
not a powerful witch.

Look, karma is the DNA
of the universe.

It's what balances everything out.
You start screwing with that,

you can mess up
the entire cosmic order of things.

Maybe you can help me cast a spell.

What part of "no shortcuts"
are you not getting?

There's an aura cleanse, a chakra
cleanse, but no karma cleanse.

If it were possible to be cleansed,
it'd be in there, but there's no spell.

It can't be done.

-Got anything?
-Yeah, let's see,

they are distant relatives
of Quossis and vampires,

which means
they come from a hive.

PAIGE:
Did you even read this?

I skimmed it.

PIPER: So they were drones
that we were killing.

Well, no wonder
they just kept coming back.

It says we have to kill the king
to kill the hive,

which requires the power-of-three
spell. I'll call Phoebe.

Hey, just slow down
there, okay? Take it easy.

Okay, you orb out and get Phoebe,
and I'll start on the potion.

Why don't we just track
the leader down? You and I.

That way, Phoebe and Jason can
have a little bit of time alone, yeah?

Well, what if the swarm
attacks before...? Okay, fine.

We'll locate the ruler first.

Brilliant idea.

Hey, can I orb you anywhere?

No, it's okay. I drove my car here.

Okay. I'll see you soon.

-You stay away.
-We need to talk.

No. No. I don't want to talk.

You're... This is your...

This... This is so beyond...

This is so far beyond my reality.

You know, I... I'm just still trying
to figure out how

you could...
Fifteen months, I didn't know!

I wanted to tell you.

I really did, but I couldn't.

And you know now,
so can we talk about this, please?

Okay, fine, let's talk.

All right, what...? What was this, huh?
The Godiva girls, was that magic?

-Yeah.
-Man, still...

Okay, what about that funny-looking
little cousin of yours, cousin Shamus,

what the hell was he?
One of the seven dwarves?

No, actually, he was a leprechaun.

Not really my cousin.

Look, Jason, I know how you feel.

How do I feel, Phoebe? Huh?

Tell me because...
Because I don't know.

But you, you always seem to know.

So tell me, how's it
gonna feel when I crash,

because I see one coming.

Is it gonna feel like
when you said, "I love you too"?

Because that,
that was magic, wasn't it?

But I do love you.

I don't...
I don't have time for this.

I didn't want you
to find out like this, believe me.

I...

I have to concentrate. I'm speaking
in front of 100 shareholders

celebrating the second-biggest
French media merger of the decade.

Okay?

So...

...I need to be in focus.

You're the one that wanted to look

for the swarm king
in the first place, remember?

Yeah, that's when we thought
it was a hive, not so much of a maze.

Oh, no. Is this starting to look familiar?

-Are we...?
PIPER: Going around in circles?

-Great.
-Let's just orb home.

Why are you in such a rush
to go home all of a sudden?

It's Richard. Any time he's alone for
too long, bad things start to happen.

[FOOTSTEPS]

No!

That only attracts them more,
remember?

Should we follow them?

Good idea.

-Now?
-Yeah.

"I call to thee, pure witch's fire"

Through vortex flow
The heavenly mire

Cleanse brackish karma of debris

"From dark to light, sweep history"

Hello, anybody home?

[GIRL SCREAMING IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

How many did we get, 15 or 16?

I don't know,
I stopped counting at dawn.

I'm gonna go crash.

Actually, I'm gonna go check
on Richard, and then I'll go crash.

But wait, we know where the king
is now, so we're gonna get Phoebe

so we can go back and get him.

No. I am taking a hot bath
and crawling into a nice, warm bed.

You know, living at Richard's
mansion has made you soft.

-Oh, shush.
-I'm serious. What if this is

the demon that gets to Wyatt?

Well, then it's all the more reason
for us to be well-rested, right?

What happened here?

[PHOEBE SPEAKING FRENCH]

What the heck are you wearing?

Just a little something to
help me win my boyfriend back.

-Showing a little skin never hurt.
-Oh, well, I'll file that away.

I guess it didn't go so good
with Jason last night?

No, unfortunately.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Since when do you
speak freedom fry?

I don't know, actually. It's kind of weird,
considering I hate the French.

No, you don't.
You love everything about France.

I do?

Oh, then maybe
I just hate being dumped.

All the more reason to go get him.

Uh, just there's one thing. See, we
kind of need the power of three

for a vanquish, you know,
to save your nephew's future and all.

Yeah, sorry. I can't.

[PHOEBE SPEAKING FRENCH]

Please tell me she didn't...

Cast a spell on herself?
I think she did.

[GROANING]

I can feel their pain.

This is where they fought and died.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but this was your division.

I'm afraid it was.

Remember.

This is going to hurt me
much more than it hurts you.

It is time to bring the fight to them!

Let the Charmed Ones feel our pain!

I'm confused. How does
cleansing her aura get Jason back?

No, Phoebe didn't cast
a spell, Richard did.

Richard wants Jason back?

No,

Richard wants
to cleanse his karma...

Oh, my God, that's what
he used the Book for.

Damn it, I shouldn't
have left him alone.

Wait a second, what does this
have to do with Phoebe?

Karma is not something
you mess with.

Especially not magically.
Whatever Richard did

could have gone wonky
and affected her somehow.

I mean, there's all this unfinished
karma just floating around out there,

waiting to complete its cycle.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about Richard screwing
with the karmic wheel

and Phoebe getting smacked
down by it. She said it herself.

She's been lying to Jason,
living a double life.

If that doesn't attract bad karma,
I don't know what does.

Someone's unfinished bad karma?

PAIGE:
Exactly.

Except whose?

Well, I'd guess a French hooker,
by the way she's been acting.

Or worse.

Okay, you go get Phoebe,
I'll go get Richard.

But what if he's infected too?

PAIGE: Well, I'll save him
and then I'll kill him.

[DOOR SHUTS]

Cast any spells lately?

No.

All right yeah, one.
It didn't work, though.

-How do you know?
-Because.

All right, I was cleansing my soul...

Yeah, yeah.
Skip down to the bottom.

What happened when you
set the spell, exactly?

The energy and light came down
from the ceiling and it surrounded me...

-And hit Phoebe.
-No. I was there alone.

Oh, yeah, you were alone.
Then how do you explain my sister

suddenly walking around like she's
in the nudie version of Les Mis?

I don't know. I...

I don't know why
it affected her and not me.

Maybe because your family is
surrounded by so much bad karma

that there's no room
for anybody else's.

What were you thinking?

I was thinking about us.

-Us?
RICHARD: Yeah.

I don't want my past to hurt you.

Richard, I know that you
mean well, I really do.

And I get that it must be so hard
to not practice magic when you can.

-But you can't...
-How can you be with a guy

that's got a problem
with the very thing you're all about?

I have an idea.

I have a potion that'll help Phoebe.

-Richard.
-What?

-Just stop.
-I can't. I did this.

I need to fix it.

No. Hey.

Please.

Just...

...no more magic.

-Hey, bro.
-Richard.

Man, how the hell have you been?

Good, good, you know.

Well, you look good
and you got your hair cut.

Yeah, for court.
I'm doing pro bono now.

A do-gooder. Wow, you.

Yeah, I needed a change in my life.

So Mom's been worried.

No one's heard from you.
Staying out of trouble, I hope?

-Yeah. More or less.
-So you still seeing Paige?

Absolutely.
I can't imagine life without her.

-Sounds serious.
-I hope so.

Well, here, man, take a seat.

Actually, I can't. I gotta go.

I've been going through some of the
old potion books just for the hell of it,

and I can't find that one
Dad used to use to banish spirits.

You know where it is?

I thought we both agreed
not to mess with that anymore.

I'm not. Not really.
It's hard to explain.

-Do you know where it is?
-Richard...

Look, save the speech.
Can you help me or not?

-Why? What did you do?
-Nothing.

-Are people hurt? Do you need...?
-Damn it, Steve!

Can you help me or not?

Please.

What are you doing here?

And what are you wearing?

I'm looking for you.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Look, I don't have time
for this. This is crazy.

You have every right
to be very upset with me.

I know I've been a very, very bad girl.

Please let me make it up to you.

I don't think so.

-What do you mean, don't think so?
-Take it easy.

We'll talk about it later, okay?
Now I'm running late.

There's always time for l'amour.

Whoa, uh...

Listen, this is... I...

This merger is
very important to me, okay?

I need to keep a clear head,
if that's at all possible.

Are you saying you don't want me?

Not right now, okay?

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

You pig.

You're crazy.

You think you could just
walk away from me?

You think I'm crazy?
You think this is crazy?

Just wait.

JASON: In the climate of this world
economy, diversity is essential.

And that is why
this merger is essential

if we want to grow as a company.

Combining resources

will allow us to tap into markets
that would have otherwise

remained beyond our reach.

And so today we celebrate

a new Franco-American
business community,

in which bilateral trade
is not only encouraged...

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

[EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

What the hell are you doing?

You turned on me.

You rejected me.

And I'd say that you'd live
to regret it, but you won't.

This isn't a game.

-Voilà.
-Jesus.

Phoebe, you can't do this.

Oh, no? Watch me.

Curses on this merger.

-Stop this.
-You let go of me.

Are you trying to ruin me?

That's just the hors d'oeuvre.

Wait until you see the entrée.
It's to die for.

Leo!

Leo. Leo.

-Whoa.
PIPER: Yeah.

Wh...? Why is Phoebe frozen?

-That's not Phoebe.
-What do you mean?

Long story. Let's get out of here.

-What about all this?
-Later, later.

Phoebe?

-Sit down and put this on.
-I'm not finished with my revenge.

Sit or I will freeze. We need to
figure out whose karma you got.

I'll never tell.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Okay, she's French.

Bad karma. Napoleon?

Probably not.

Phoebe's not our only problem.

That entire auditorium
saw her use magic.

Well, we fix Phoebe first, and then we
take care of the swarm king

and if we're still alive
after that, we'll worry about it then.

[SIGHS]

Maybe you should go check
on Wyatt, make sure he's okay.

He's fine.

Okay, I'll go check.

Let's see if I can piece together
a spell to de-karma Phoebe.

Okay, what about Marie Antoinette,

Queen Isabella,
the she-wolf of France?

Oh, now you insult me.
I can't stand France.

Vital clue there?

Okay, let's see. Speaks French,

hates the country,

more than willing to strip in public...

Oh, my God,
I saw something in here.

Famous females spies:

Mata Hari.

Wasn't she one of the Bond girls?

No. Look, an exotic stripper in Paris,

Dutch-born, double agent
for Germany during World War I,

it says here Mata Hari was
convicted by French officials

and executed by a firing squad.

Well, no wonder
she hates the French.

Not half as much
as I hate you for keeping me here.

I need my freedom.
I need my revenge.

What does her karma
have to do with Phoebe?

Well, duplicitous, living a
double life? Ring any bells?

Enough!

Where are you going?

Hi. Look, it's two against one,
and you are not going any...

Why am I always the one getting hit?

Behind you.

Take her!

Am I crazy, or was she trying
to save them from us?

KING: I didn't tell you to bring her here.
I ordered you to kill them.

DRONE: The Charmed Ones
were all together.

We were lucky to grab one
and get away.

Oh, luck had nothing to do with it,
I saved your butts back there.

Excuse me.

Are you in charge here?

I am.

Good. Because I'd like
to get into bed with you.

Not literally.

Although...

...there may be time for that later.

What I'm saying is,

if you help me, I'll help you.

You think I'm a fool?
Save my drones to gain my favour?

I'm not one to fall for tricks.

This isn't a trick. Hands off me.

The witches have
double-crossed me.

They want to keep me
against my will.

So do I.

Yeah, let me guess.

To lure them here
so you can kill all of us?

Yeah, see, you're not
the first demon to try that and fail.

They've got good karma.

Centuries of it.
It's what protects them.

-Us.
-And what is it that you suggest?

Well, I was hoping
that you could help me create

some bad karma for them by...

Oh, I don't know,
maybe killing an innocent?

Who did you have in mind?

RICHARD:
Jason.

-What are you doing here?
-Looking for Phoebe. You seen her?

Not since she
destroyed my career, no.

Listen, I gotta give
a press conference,

try to salvage
what's left of my reputation.

Don't go. All right?

-I know how you feel.
-Oh, you know how I feel?

Do you know how it feels to have
the woman you love lie to you,

to turn your one shining
moment into chaos? And to...

...strip in front
of a packed auditorium?

No. Look,

it's not her fault. You want
to blame somebody, blame me.

-I cast a spell that...
-Hold on.

-You too?
-Yeah, look.

There's no time to explain,
just take this, please.

The moment you see
Phoebe, throw this at her,

she'll be back to normal. I promise.

Wait a second. What is that?

It's a potion.

-Get out of here.
-Look, I screwed up big time, all right?

The only way to fix this
is to use this on Phoebe.

If you love her...

...you'll do it.

PAIGE:
Ow. Ow!

Well, if you would just hold still...

-Fine. There, you're done.
-Ow.

We wouldn't be in this mess
if it weren't for Phoebe

not being able to deal with conflict.

Actually, we wouldn't be in this mess

if your boyfriend
could handle his magic.

Ow, you did that on purpose.

Yes, I did.

Maybe we should just focus
on how to save Phoebe.

Well, we could storm the hive,
but then again,

she'd probably just
help them stop us.

That's just Mata Hari
coming through,

using whoever she can
to exact her revenge.

But against who? The men who
put her to death are long gone.

And besides, doesn't her real karma

eventually lead to her own
self-destruction anyway?

I think that's why we need to
figure out why she's using Phoebe

before it's too late, right?

Which brings us back
to Mata Hart's revenge.

Okay, she spent
her life pleasing men,

only to be betrayed
by them at the end.

-Oh, no.
-What?

What if she wants
to return the favour?

MAN: Mr. Dean.
WOMAN: Mr. Dean.

MAN:
Just one quote. One quote, please.

-What happened?
-What can you tell us about that?

Listen up. I'll answer
at the press conference.

Please do me a favour
and hold your questions until then.

-Hello, Jason.
-Phoebe, I've had enough.

Shh...

-I always get my man.
JASON: Wait, hang on a sec...

I swear, this is where
we found the king last time.

Well, maybe your orbing was off.

My orbing was not off.
It just moved.

Well, we should be hearing
the swarm, so why don't we?

Because there's a jillion miles

of this stupid maze.
They could be anywhere.

We don't even know
if Phoebe is here.

Well, it's our best bet.

I swear, if she is hurt, I am
never going to forgive Richard.

I think Jason's the one
we need to worry about right now.

Such a sweet man.

And such a horrible way to die.

I almost want to cry.

-Almost.
-What are you doing?

Please stop this game.

Life is a game.
The last one standing wins.

-And that would be me.
-I get it.

You're trying to teach me a lesson.

No lesson.

I just don't like being betrayed.

Well, what about him,
won't he betray you?

-Goodbye, mi amor.
-Phoebe, please. I'm begging you.

Oh, don't beg.

I stared at my killer right in the eye.

It's a much more
dignified way to die.

Richard was right.

-Who?
-Enough!

Can we please get on with this?

Ready.

Aim.

No.

Fire!

Oh, thank God, I'm so happy
to see you guys.

-You're you.
-Yeah.

Okay, reunion later, slay now.

Fire at her!

"Demon swarm that serves as one

Vanquish him from which they come"

Jason.

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Me too.

I hate to break this up,
I really do, but we gotta go.

How did you get rid
of Mata Hart's karma?

-Who?
-Don't ask.

Where did you get the potion from?

I got it from Richard, he said it would
be the only thing that might save you.

Richard.

LEO: You okay?
-Oh, yeah, you know,

considering I'm the mother
of the future leader of all evil.

No, you're not.

Okay, maybe he won't be, now that
you took care of the last threat on him.

You know as well as I do that was not
the last threat. There'll be others.

And you'll take care of them too.

Especially now that we
know what can happen.

After all, well aware is half there.

Did Phoebe give you
that psychobabble?

I just don't understand how someone
so sweet could possibly turn...

...so bad.

I don't believe he will.

Despite what Chris says.

Or, maybe because of it,
we won't let it.

You know, Piper, all parents
worry about their kids.

It's part of the job description.

We just have to have faith.

Yeah, but Wyatt isn't just any kid.

And we're not just any parents either.

Well, at least we know he'll
inherit all of our family's good karma.

And that should help.

I hope it helps Phoebe too.

She still has what happened
at Jason's banquet to worry about.

Mr. Dean.

Here you are, sir.

PHOEBE:
Jason!

Jason!

JASON:
Phoebe?

I want to talk to the press.
I want to tell them everything.

What are you gonna do?
Tell them you're a witch?

That'll make the headlines.

Actually, I didn't think about
what I was gonna say to them.

I just know that I can't let you
take the fall for this.

I am so sorry.

-About everything. The lies and...
-Hey.

Don't.

-Remember, you saved me.
-But that was after I tried to kill you.

Well, there was that.

If I could do it all again,

I would tell you the truth.

What are you gonna do,
what are you gonna tell me?

And besides, I was...

I was so wrapped up in my career
and dragging you around the world,

I never gave you a chance.

So...

...what do we do now?

I don't know.

Maybe we should just...

...both take some time.

They're waiting for me.

I wish you'd let me talk to them.

No. No, what you
and your sisters do,

what I saw you do...

...it...

...put some perspective
on my work.

I want to protect that.

You might lose the merger.

I've lost worse.

MAN:
Mr. Dean!