Charmed (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 14 - Sand Francisco Dreamin' - full transcript

I think I'm gonna go up to bed.

Oh, well, do you want
some company?

Well, I'm really tired.

I think I just need to get some sleep.

Good night, little one.

I would be glad
to keep you company.

What are you doing here?

I'm...

...sweeping you off your feet.

No.

I can't.



All I see is you.

No, Ryder, please.
This isn't right. I'm married.

Not in your dreams, you're not.

I could just hold you forever.

What...?

Where's my baby?

Where are you?

But wait, you haven't even
seen the baby yet.

What'd you expect?

They don't care about the kid.

Nobody does.

No, please don't.

Help me.

This is not a dream.



Leo, a hand here?

No, my hands are full.

The shower is in two days.

Your kid's not gonna be
opening cabinets for another year.

Well, tell that to Aunt Phoebe.

She gave me a book:

One Thousand Unexpected
Dangers For Baby.

Easy-opening cabinets, number 32.

All right, you leave me no choice.

Streamer.

Magic for personal gain.

It's not for me, it's for my niece.

Besides, I seem to be the only aunt
who cares about this shower.

Phoebe cares,
she's just preoccupied.

Oh, really?

I'd say she skipped straight from
preoccupied to paranoid.

You're exaggerating.

Am I?
Yesterday, a balloon exploded,

and she stormed down here
with a vanquishing potion.

She almost blew up old Slappy here.

I think it's the recurring nightmare
she's having.

It's just making her a little jumpy.

Really? God, you'd think
with a Cole-free future

she'd be dreaming nothing
but happy, happy.

- You'd think.
- Yeah.

If I let my recurring dreams
affect my waking life,

I'd never get out of bed, much less
throw a fabulous shower like this.

Why not?

I don't know. I've been having
this recurring dream lately,

and I'm at P3,

and as soon as I get up
to the baby,

everybody just disappears.

It sounds like you and me
have baby on the brain.

All I can think of lately
is just holding her.

Where is the man of my dreams?

Speaking of my little one.

Well, all right.

Beth Orton is playing at the club,
I guess I'll get back to work.

Hey, you notice anything?

I have noticed that
subtlety is not your forte.

- You don't like it?
- Well, I liked it.

You know, 15 streamers
and 20 balloons ago.

Nothing is too good
for my future niece.

Clearly.

I am so gonna be a soccer mom.

This kid has one mean kick.

Well, I want to feel it kick.

Well, honey, unless you're
a bladder or kidney,

you're not gonna feel it,
because she's kicking the inside.

- Never get to feel her kick.
- Count your blessings.

I'm being summoned.

- Is it the Elders?
- No, it's not the Elders.

It's Phoebe.

What is it?

Leo, do not
sneak up on me like that.

I wasn't sneaking.
And you called me.

Oh, yeah, right.

Okay, what do you know
about Tracer demons?

Lower level, mercenaries,

able to track magical beings
through different dimensions. Why?

Because one was
in my dream last night, that's why.

- The guy behind the mask?
- No.

This one wasn't the chain-saw guy.
He's still a mystery to me.

It was something weirder.

Different.

I was running away from him
in the basement, right, that same guy,

and then, all of a sudden,
I was in the woods,

where I used to camp.

- You were in the past?
- No, it was the present.

And there was this weird creature
standing there

holding some kind of satchel.

And then the demon killed him.

Sounds like your recurring dream
is getting complicated.

Yeah, except I think it was
a premonition.

A premonition during a dream?

Yeah, why not?
It's happened before.

Phoebe, you've probably flipped
past this drawing a hundred times,

and you said the camp was from
your childhood, so chances are...

Leo, I know
what a premonition feels like.

Okay, besides, when I woke up,

the creature was standing
in my bedroom,

begging me to help him.

- You sure you weren't still dreaming?
- He said I wasn't.

And then when I found
the Tracer demon in the Book,

I was sure I wasn't either.

What would you like me to do?

Go to the Elders.
Find out if it really was a premonition.

Because if it was,
I have an innocent to save.

A precious night gone by,

and you come back empty-handed.

- Yeah, but don't worry, I'll get him.
- Oh, it's not me that has to worry.

It's you.

You're the only demon
that's failed me.

Everyone else has found their mark.

I'll get him tonight, I promise.

I mean, he's easy to find.

He watches over
the same people, right?

I'll need proof.

Yeah, sure, I'll get it. Yeah.

Although, just out of curiosity,

what is it you do with that stuff?

Dream?

Demons don't dream.

But with each one of these I collect,

it means more humans won't either.

And without dreams,

humans can't work through
their issues while they sleep.

Which means those issues
spill out into their waking life,

turning them angry, evil.

Still don't understand
what you get out of it.

Not like it's any of my business,
of course, but...

I get respect from the leaders
of the Underworld.

And, hopefully,
rewarded because of it.

But if you fail me,

I fail them.

Understand?

Perfectly.

Okay, people, let's begin.

Bill, nice job on that
hostage-standoff piece yesterday.

- Thanks.
- There's another one for you today.

State bank in North Beach.
Shots fired. Go.

Wow, that's the third time this week.

Some of you guys
are gonna have to double up.

Angry man ploughs into
farmers' market in his car.

Angry woman attacks
school principal with a knife.

And in sports,

angry coach knocks out umpire
with a baseball bat.

What the hell is going on out there?

The city is going to pot,
that's what's going on.

Bad news for the city,
good news for circulation.

It's strange,
even my readers seem angrier.

They keep asking for advice
on how to deal with their tempers.

Hey, what are you doing?

That's Metro,
that makes it my story!

It's mine, she gave it to me!

Hey, hey, stop it right now!

Sorry to interrupt...

...but I've got Paige on the phone.
You want me to take a message?

No. No, I want to talk to her.

That's my story.

- Hey.
- Hey, I can't decide on a place setting.

It's either "baby in the clouds,"

which is a little baby
Floating on a cloud,

or "cozy bug,"
a baby bumblebee on a pink flower.

Oh, no, Piper's allergic
to bees, remember?

You're right.
Thank you so much.

Is that the only reason
you were calling?

- Yeah, why?
- Have you been watching the news?

It just seems that everyone's
at each other's throats.

I mean, even here.

Have you noticed anything weird?

Back it up, lady!

You know, now that you mention it,

I have seen my share of a certain
finger while driving over here.

See, I think something's up.
Something evil, maybe.

Phoebe, seriously, I think
you might need to get some help.

You think danger
is lurking around every corner.

- Come on, lady!
- Lady, it's my spot.

Besides, everybody is odd
in San Francisco.

That's why we fit in so well.

Look, I know
I've been jumpy lately,

and I'm really trying to deal with it.

But just because
I've been a bit neurotic maybe,

that doesn't mean that I'm not right.

Hey, move it or lose it, lady!
I want this space!

Maybe you are right.

I never stopped loving you, Ryder.

You know that, don't you?

I just never thought
I'd see you again, Sienna.

Not after the yacht explosion.

And he's standing over me,
telling me I'm not dreaming.

Well, I think you're crazy.

What, now you think
this is connected to your dream?

Or the premonition in my dream.

It would be a really big coincidence
if it wasn't, don't you think?

I've been waiting for this
for weeks, people.

No, don't do that.
They were just getting to the good part.

Well, rent the video.
We have work that we have to do.

- It is not a video, it is a soap.
- Leo!

Phoebe thinks that a demon
is causing some anger epidemic.

Give me that remote.

- Give it.
- See?

See, point positive. Here.

- Hey, anything?
- Based on what the Elders said,

I think that your dream premonition
is very real.

- Meaning so is the Tracer demon.
- What Tracer demon?

And what about the creature?
Do they know about the creature?

What creature?

Well, they think
that it's a weird assomnio.

If that's the case,
you definitely need to save him.

- A weirdo what?
- Weird assomnio.

It's the original Latin term
for a sandman.

Wait a minute, like,
"Sandman, bring me a dream"?

One and the same.
Only there isn't just one sandman.

There are many of them, like angels.

They visit good beings
during their sleep,

sprinkle them with dream dust
so they can dream.

I can't believe they exist.

Not that I should be surprised.

Yeah, but they don't know
what we dream about, do they?

I mean that's all confidential,
clearly, isn't it?

I don't know. But I do know
that they exist on a different plane,

which means
the only way to find one...

Would be for a Tracer demon
to bring him into our plane.

- And kill him.
- Great.

I don't get it. Why would a demon be
interested in killing people's dreams?

I mean, they're just
harmless erotic fun.

Did you say "erotic"?

Exotic. I said "exotic."

I don't get exotic dreams.
I just get disturbing ones.

Mine are just scary.

But that's how
you work through stuff, right?

- In your dreams?
- So?

So I think that's why
everyone's been crazy.

They're not dealing with
their subconscious issues

while they're dreaming.

I think I got some issues to work out.

You said your premonition took place
somewhere where you used to camp?

Yeah. North State Campgrounds.

Well, all right, let's go.

And save our dreams.

Oh, Piper, maybe you should
sit this one out.

Why? Don't you need me
to vanquish the demon?

No, I'll make a potion.

It's just you're not moving as swiftly
as you used to,

- and we might have to run.
- But...

Fine. Do it yourself.

It's been so long.

But I never Forgot what it Feels like
to be in your arms.

Oh, I missed it!

Did you really think
I wouldn't come back for you?

Actually, I was counting on it.

Witches.

Who the hell is that?

I'm sorry, I'm just so surprised
that you're real.

Okay, this should keep
our brains going on zero sleep.

Do sandmen even sleep?

Only when our charges
are all awake.

Oh, so basically never.

Okay, can we focus here?

Because we have a demon to
vanquish and a nightmare to deal with.

And a baby shower to get to.

What? I'm just saying.

Any idea how Phoebe's nightmare
came to life?

Well, no.
It's never happened before.

But then, no one's ever been hit with
that much dream dust before either.

So you think,
since she OD'd on the stuff,

he just popped out of her head?

Out of her unconscious.

But now that he's out,
he's obviously very real.

Okay, does that mean
he's gonna keep trying to kill me?

If that's what he tries to do
in your dreams, yes.

Great. That's just great.
I need to think about this.

So we need to hurry up
and find a way to put him back

before any of our other dreams
spring to life, shall we?

- Dreams like what?
- Never mind.

First, though, I think we need
to stop the Tracer demon

before this whole city turns into
one huge nightmare, don't you think?

Yes, but it's more than one Tracer
you have to worry about.

There are others
out there killing us.

Which means it must be
an upper-level demon behind them

orchestrating the attacks.

Okay, so we write
a summoning spell,

and we get the Tracer here,
we freeze him, force him to talk,

we'll vanquish him and his boss,

and then the sandman can go back to
keeping dreams where they belong.

Very impressive, and very fast.

What are we supposed to do
about my chain-saw killer?

Oh, don't worry about him.

We'll blow him up
before he lays a blade on you.

Who is that?

That must be Becca and Wendy
with the hors d'oeuvre trays.

You're not against parsley,
are you?

- Get rid of them?
- No, I will not get rid of them.

If I get rid of them,
I have to stop the shower,

- and I'm not doing that.
- All right, easy, easy.

We'll go take care of them,

you guys go start
the summoning spell.

Go, go.

Oh, thank you, mother.

Come on.

- Witches? You lost him to witches?
- Just let me speak.

- Do they know about me?
- No, I swear.

I can get to the sandman
before they ever do.

I'm listening.

One of the witches,

she got hit
with too much dream dust.

So?

No, wait.

Sorry. I assure you,
he's no threat to us.

Only to the witch
who dreamed him up.

You got his attention.
You can turn that off now.

That right there
is her worst nightmare, literally.

And since she's scared
to death of him, I'm thinking...

...if I could borrow
a few of these satchels here,

I might be able to make the other
witches' dreams come to life too.

And how is this supposed to help you
fulfil your obligation to me?

It'll distract them long enough for me
to kill my mark and collect my bounty.

I better take a couple extra,
just in case.

Excuse me.

This better work.

Otherwise, I'm gonna be
your worst nightmare.

Paige, that's enough.
I want them gone.

Just relax, Piper.

The trunk is officially empty.

Great, so we're done.

No way.
There's the whole back seat.

Oh, you're kidding, right?

Hey, Paige is the one who sent us
around to five different stores.

- Oh, my God.
- Okay, don't look in these bags, Piper.

You're not supposed to see
the door prizes.

Hey, Becca, I thought
we nixed the clown idea.

Oh, no, relax. That's just
one of Paige's old toys, Slappy.

- Good, because clowns are creepy.
- Especially that one.

Don't let Paige hear you say that.

- That's better.
- Okay, well, thanks, guys.

You know, thanks for everything.
You should really go.

And we'll call you
if we need any more stuff.

Go? Paige wanted us to do all of this
before the baby shower.

Yeah, I know.

But I'm the one that's pregnant,
and I think we've reached our limit.

In fact, we've gone over it.
Way over it.

That's all those crazy
hormones talking.

Maybe you should lie down
and let us take over.

No, no, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine.

The only crazy thing around here
is the shower mania.

Especially when
we should be focusing on the de...

Details, details.

Like what are we gonna wear
and stuff.

Frankly, Piper,
I'm surprised at your attitude.

This is all for you.

Oh, I know, and I'm thrilled.

But right now,
I just need a little peace and quiet.

You know, pregnant woman's
prerogative and all.

- If you say so.
- I do.

Yeah, okay, thanks.

It's just a stupid summoning spell.

I don't know why
I can't come up with it.

You need to relax.
It'll come to you.

You know, maybe it's because
I'm not so sure this is a good idea.

I mean, what if I bring
the Tracer demon here,

and it just makes matters worse?

I mean, what then?
He has surprised us before.

But that was just luck.

He didn't know
your dream would come to life.

Well, it did. And unfortunately,
that's all I can think about.

Maybe if you can stop
and figure out what it means,

you won't be afraid of it anymore.

Leo, don't you think if I could do that
I would have done it by now?

I vanquish demons every day,
real ones.

So some guy from my dream
should be a piece of cake,

even with power tools.

So why do I run from him?

- Do you know why?
- No.

I may be made of dreams,
but I don't shape them.

Perhaps, if you can figure out
who was behind the mask.

Characters in dreams symbolize
something specific in one's life.

A special person,
a certain feeling or pain.

Unmask that, demystify it,

and the character goes away.

I don't even know
where to begin with that.

My life is so great now.

My marriage from hell is behind me.

I don't know why
I would start having nightmares now.

Only you can answer that, my dear.

In your dreams.

Not to sound unappreciative,
but this is kind of overkill.

No, this is perfect.

Nothing is too good
for my future niece.

Okay, but Paige, this is supposed
to be a shower, not a coronation.

Hey, it is not every day

that a half-whitelighter, half-witch
is born into this world.

We need to celebrate her.

Okay, but "her"
is not even gonna be here.

Except for the occasional
kidney shot.

Which makes me wonder if maybe this
is a little bit more about you than her.

- Where are your friends?
- Gone but not forgotten.

- Are they coming back?
- Not till the shower, why?

Phoebe is almost done
with the summoning spell,

so we need to get ready.

You mean for me?

Oh, no.

My love.

No. How did you get here?

Go away.

No, shoo, go away!

Who are you talking to?

What's the matter?

Don't you recognize me, honey?

It's Slappy!

- Where's my baby?
- Over here.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- That didn't sound good.
- Paige! Piper!

It's no use.
You can't fight your own dreams.

You wanna bet?

Would Freud
have a field day with this or what?

Phoebe, are you all right?

Sweet dreams.

Phoebe?

- What's taking so long?
- I don't know.

He has the same wound?

What happened?

We're not sure.
Did you cage Chuckles?

Slappy.
And, yeah, your guy too.

About that guy...

A little less bitching,
a little more healing, please.

- Easy. Easy. Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- Holy cow, are you okay?
- Yeah.

We all got hit
by the dream dust, Pheebs.

Hey, where's the sandman?

Oh, no.

- How did he get healed?
- Same way I did, I guess.

- Let's see if he can heal this.
- No, you can't kill him.

You kill him, you kill me.

Run. We'll follow you.
We'll meet in the conservatory.

- Do what?
- She's right, trust her. Come on.

- Who's the clown?
- Who's the fox?

- Don't ask.
- Good question.

I'm Piper's dream lover.

No, listen, listen.
We've never slept together.

I mean, in the dream-world place.

Maybe you guys should take this
in the other room.

Good idea.

Paige.

Pretty lame, don't you think?

All the decorations?

The partygoers will still disappear.

I got her number.

This is all crazy.

What are we gonna do?

Well, I made a promise
to the sandman,

and I'm gonna keep it.

Okay, so we stick to the original plan.
We get the Tracer back here...

Yeah, that's real smart, Piper.

Anything happens to your dream guy
out there, and you're dead.

I realize that.
And ease up, will you?

You're upsetting the baby.

He's right, though.

Which means Tracer demon's
gonna come back.

So we gotta figure out what to do,
quickly. Any ideas?

What if we cast a sleeping spell
and deal with them in our dreams?

Come again?

Well, the sandman said
if we demystify them

and we learn to understand them,
then they'll just go away.

Yeah. It doesn't take a shrink
to figure out Piper's dreams.

You want to screw somebody else.

Well, at least he makes me feel sexy
and not like some walking incubator.

Although I guess that's what
you've been dreaming about.

Hey, guys, maybe not the time.

No, this is good. The more we know,
the better chance we have.

Well, I don't know what in the hell
the clown means.

Well, it's gotta mean something.

Look, all I know is, in my dream
I try to give the clown to the baby,

then everybody at the shower
just walks away,

and I'm just left feeling empty.

Okay, well, you have
to find out what that is.

You know, follow through with it.

Give the baby the clown
and see what happens.

And you, you need
to follow through too, missy.

You've created this dream guy
to satisfy you,

so maybe you should let him.

- What?
- Sorry.

Relax, dude.
Women dream all the time.

Yeah.

Well, Miss Phoebe,
who's the killer behind the mask?

Isn't it obvious? It's gotta be Cole.

Why Cole? You're over him.

Well, in my waking state, yes.

But apparently, not in
my subconscious.

What about me?

Honey, we got our own dreams
to deal with and the Tracer.

We'll deal with
your Mr. Mom issues later.

We need you to protect us
when we go under

in case the Tracer demon attacks.

Will you guys work
on the sleeping spell?

- All over it.
- Okay.

- Where are you going?
- To get some dream dust.

That's what the sandman
was made of.

Come on, sis, let's go.

What are you doing here?

You got your bounty, didn't you?

Yes, I did.

But I've been thinking about your plan
to impress the Underworld leaders.

I think there's a better way to do that.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, killing a sandman is fine,

but wouldn't, say, killing the
Charmed Ones be more impressive?

If it could be done,
it would've been done by now.

I know, that's why I didn't show up
to take out their sandman

until at least one of them
was down.

That started me thinking.

With their dreams out and about,

maybe they're more vulnerable now
than they've ever been.

Maybe it's time to go for it,
really impress the leaders.

All right,
what do you need from me?

I need you out of my way.

Please.

Let me hold you.

I just want to hold you, baby.

There.

I've got you.

Leo, wake up. Snap out of it.

Okay, just don't use too much.

We don't want any more problems
coming to life.

Are you sure it's okay to go to sleep
with the Tracer demon still out there?

Piper, I need you. I want you.

Come on, Paige, let's party!

Come on now, get uptown

Let's get this over with.

Okay, everybody know
what they need to do?

Yep, I need to find out
why I feel so empty.

And I need to give
in to my desire and...

That's enough. Phoebe?

I need to find the courage
to kick my killer's ass.

Ready?

Let we who waken From our sleep
Return at once to slumber deep

I know you're down here.

You always are.

I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid!

But wait, you haven't even
seen the baby yet.

But you should.

That's why you're here, isn't it?

Go ahead, take a peek.

Paige, you okay?

The baby in the cradle was me.

Nobody was allowed
to celebrate my birth

because it had to be kept a secret.

Guess that's why I was trying
to make up for it with your baby.

It'll be different for her.

But first, we need to get
her mommy back.

Ryder, please, this isn't right.
I'm married.

Not in your dreams, you're not.

Don't be afraid.
You know you want to.

- What happened? Where did he go?
- Nowhere.

He was right here all along.

I was dreaming about you.

About us.

The way we used to be.

And I don't want that to change

just because we're married
and having a baby.

It won't.

Guys?

Phoebe's not looking so hot.

Come on, Phoebe.

You can do this. It's now or never.

Phoebe?

Honey, what's happening?

Don't let them in!

This is not gonna hold them off.

Phoebe, will you deal
with your issues already?

Yelling at her
is not gonna help!

All right, that's enough.

Don't. You kill them, you kill Phoebe.

Then what the hell
are we gonna do?

What am I supposed to do
to make them go away?

Unmask them and he goes away.

That's it.

Oh, my God.

Phoebe, hurry up.

Where'd they go?

You did it, you kicked his ass.

No, actually, I didn't.

I just unmasked him,
or me, rather.

You? The killer was you?

Yeah. How narcissistic is that?

That's weird.

I thought my clown was strange.

- What happened in here?
- Nothing much.

We've just been protecting you
from, apparently, you.

Wait a minute, I don't get it.

I thought Cole was involved
in your nightmare.

Yeah, so did I,
until I stopped running scared

and realized
that I was just running from myself.

I don't follow.

It's kind of an old issue for me.

Self-sabotage.

I just kept beating myself up
with the whole Cole thing,

not thinking
that I deserved to move on.

Oh, you deserve it.

Well, the good news is,
is that it's over for all of us.

Maybe not all of us.

She kicked.

I felt the baby kick.

Now, why did that happen?

Well, you said you wanted
to be closer to the baby.

So you were.

Now you're not.

Yeah, well, right now
I want to be closer to my wife.

Prepare to die, witches.

Where are your dreams?

Boy, are you ever late.

Why'd you do that? We needed
to find out who he was working for.

Oh, there is more
where he came from.

Besides, we're saving dreams.

I don't want a lot of cranky women
at my baby shower.

Unless, you know, having one is gonna
bring up some issues for you.

No, no, I'm fine.

You know, I would even be so big
as to consider moving it to P3.

Well, I can't.

I've got Beth Orton
booked for tonight.

What better way to celebrate?

Just hope we can stay awake
long enough to enjoy it.