Charmed (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 12 - Centennial Charmed - full transcript

Paige?

Come on, Paige, I know you're here.
You summoned me.

Paige?

Paige.

That is a vanquish.

Damn it, Paige.

I would appreciate it
if you didn't practice on me.

- I may be dead but it still hurts.
- I am sorry, Leo,

but I think I came up with a perfect
way to vanquish Cole.

I kept thinking, "What is it
that makes him so indestructible?"

And then I thought,
"It's his protection shield."



So I came up with a potion
that makes me invisible long enough

so I can get past it, say a spell,
and blow him up from the inside.

Firstly, congratulations.
Cool potion.

- Thank you.
- Secondly, it will never work.

Okay, even if it does, it's not something
you should be going at alone.

Whatever the ultimate solution is,
it lies within the power of three.

Yeah, well, we have tried that.
Besides, I'm a witch too

and I don't see why I can't try to operate
on my own every once in a while.

You can and you have.

But Cole is different and you know it.

No, I don't know that, Leo.

I have worked really hard
on this, by myself, for days.

I know I can do this.

And I wanna do it.
For Phoebe.



Happy birthday.

I did it.

And breathe, two, three, four.
And relax, two, three, four.

And breathe, two, three...

- Are you all right?
- No, I am not all right.

- Come on, back on the ball.
- You get back on the ball. I quit.

It's hard at first, I know, Piper.
But the birthing ball really can

make the delivery much easier,
especially for home births.

Hospital, people. How many times
do I have to tell you crazy people?

Hospital.
I'm going to the hospital.

What about water birth?
Can we do that at home?

Sure, we can rent a tub.

What am I, a dolphin?
I'm not giving birth to fish.

Actually, dolphins aren't fish,
they're mammals.

- Shut up.
- Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. I overslept.

- Hi, Eve.
- That's okay, we're just getting started.

Late night?

As a matter of fact, yes.

- What the hell is that?
- A nipple enhancer.

For breast-feeding.

Gesundheit.

Thanks, I've been
sneezing my head off all morning.

Not to mention the rest of you.

A little ginger root and raspberry leaf
will take care of that.

- Old Gypsy remedy.
- I think we got some of it in the kitchen.

Why don't you go see
if we got some of that in the kitchen?

Sure. Be right back.

- What?
- Hi.

- What?
- Do you not realize

that you just sneezed and orbed
at the same time?

It's a good thing Eve didn't see that.

Well, we saved her Gypsy clan.
I think she'd be fine with it.

Well, it's one thing to know and
it's another thing to actually see it.

I'm more interested in why it happened.
What caused it?

I think you should tell them.

Fine.

I tried to vanquish Cole last night.

- What?
- I know.

Don't do the big-sister
guilt thing, okay?

I knew what I was doing
and it almost worked. Until I got all wet.

- I tried to talk her out of it.
- Paige, you could have been killed.

So, what else is new? I just wanted
to give you a little peace.

That's very sweet but I don't need Cole
to be vanquished to find peace.

I'm okay, really.
I am free of him emotionally.

And besides, I thought we agreed
to take a vanquishing hiatus

during my last trimester?

- That's why I didn't wanna bother you.
- You should have.

Because this is not something
you can do by yourself.

Obviously, I disagreed.

My problems
are none of your concern.

All that should matter to you
is that I'm willing to join your kind,

become an Avatar.

I understand.
And we're pleased to hear it.

Still, I can't help but wonder,
why now,

after all this time?

You have unlimited powers,
don't you?

We have the power
to elevate powers such as yours.

To raise them above the restraints
of good and evil.

Which makes them unlimited,
yes?

- Yes.
- Then that's why for now.

Which means, I assume, that I can use
these powers to manipulate say, time?

Reality, even?

Understand, Cole, these powers

are not meant to be used
for personal vendettas.

They're meant to be used
with others like us

to shape a future we control.

Oh, I understand very well indeed.

And believe me, I'm all for it. But
I need to take care of something first.

And to do that,
I need unlimited powers.

I'm afraid that can't be allowed.

Then I'm afraid I can't join you.

Who are you kidding?

You need me.

Otherwise you never would have
come to me in the first place.

Just one favour, that's all I ask.

Then I'm yours.

Michelle Branch, everyone.

She's so cute.

- Hi.
- Glasses.

Okay.

Okay, here you go.

A toast. To Lieutenant Morris.

Congratulations.

Wait, shouldn't we wait for Paige?

I don't think she's gonna make it,
because she has a really bad cold.

Cheers.

- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.

- Long overdue.
- Cheers.

- We'll be right back.
- We will?

We will.

Leo, keep pouring.

Don't mind.
They... They do that a lot.

Hi, guys.

Are you out of your mind?
What are you doing here?

I'm going to Darryl's party?

The sneezing, Paige,
the sneezing.

Oh, that, no. Eve's little miracle-cure
worked great.

I haven't sneezed all day.

- Is that Darryl's wife? She's cute.
- Wait, wait, wait.

- First, we chat.
- Come on.

I told you.
Everything's fine.

No, it's not about that.

It's about this morning
when you left.

You seemed really upset.

Oh, that? No, I was just having
a girly mood. You know.

No, I think we all know
it's a little bit more than that.

Something's been bugging you.
So why don't you just talk to us?

Okay. You really wanna know?

I've just been kind of feeling
a little suppressed lately.

It's not your problem,
it's my problem.

And I know you guys are the best thing
that's ever happened to me, I do.

But there's a "but."

I just feel like, you know,
having been an only child for 25 years,

I'm used to doing everything
on my own.

And it seems like, lately, I have to do
everything by committee and it's just...

You feel like you've
lost yourself along the way?

Yeah.

Okay. So, what can we do?

It's not you. It's me.

I just think, maybe...

...I need to start looking
for my own place to live.

Well?

How do you feel?

I feel alive.

Powerful.

You are one of us now.
Come.

Not so fast.

First, I get my wife back
once and for all.

That's what you wanted?

Your new powers can't affect love.

Maybe not.

But I'm hoping they'll change
the one event that led to our downfall.

The day that Phoebe
met her new sister.

The day the Charmed Ones
were reconstituted.

Go back in time?

No.

Better.

Undo what was, to change what is.

We were at our best, Phoebe and I,
before Paige.

If they hadn't have found each other,

we'd be married instead...

You have no idea
what you're getting into.

Changing the past to create
an alternate reality

has unforeseen consequences,
Cole.

Even for you.

The ripple effect
of even one small change could...

I don't care.

I am not spending another
hundred birthdays without her.

Oh, no, you don't.
No sneezing.

No sneezing.

Look out, people.
Pregnant lady coming through.

Major sneeze.

Hey, who turned out the lights?

And the heat?

Piper.

Piper?

Leo.

Leo.

- Oh, God, you scared me.
- Who are you?

What are you doing here?

- I could ask you the same thing.
- Oh, yeah?

Hey, it's o... It's okay.

This is my crib.

Your crib?
This is my sister's club.

Knife. Knife.

What the hell
is wrong with my powers?

Leo.

Damn it, where the hell
have you been?

- Who are you?
- Are you kidding?

You're not kidding. It's me, Paige.
Your sister-in-law?

Look, I don't know who you are, lady,
and I don't have time for games.

All hell is breaking loose out there.
So if you don't mind...

Have you lost your mind?
Do you notice anything different?

No, not really.

So if you'll excuse me...

Wait.

I'm your charge too.
How else could you have heard my call?

Thank you.

I just don't understand how all this
could have happened.

How what could've happened?

This. Piper's club. It's totalled.

Doesn't that strike you
as the least bit odd?

You know Piper?

Of course. Leo, the club.

What about it?
It's been like this for over a year.

Ever since Piper walked away from it,
right after Prue died.

That is not true.

The club is kicking ass.

Michelle Branch was just playing here
when I sneezed and then I or...

Orbed out.

Maybe if I sneeze again.

Did I orb?

How do you know about orbing?
And Piper?

Just take me to her. She'll figure
all this out. She always does.

Please. What have you
got to lose?

What are we doing here?

Piper's hunting.

Hey.

Feeding time, huh?

Knew you'd take the bait.

What you do to me?
Unfreeze me, witch.

Sure. No problem. Just as soon as you
tell me where I can find Shax.

Shax? What's she talking about?
We vanquished him already.

Nobody's vanquished Shax.

Ever since he killed Prue,

Piper's been obsessed
with getting revenge on him.

I asked you a question.

I don't know where Shax is.

Wrong answer.

Okay.

We can do this all night long because,
God knows, I got nothing but time.

But I'd rather be killing Shax, so why
don't you tell me where I can find him.

Go to hell.

I'm already there.

- Wait.
- Piper, don't.

Oh, my God,
you're not pregnant anymore.

Who are you?
Leo, what are you doing here?

It's me, your sister. Paige?

Look, if this is some lame attempt
from the Elders to try and lure me back,

you can forget it. Tell them to shove it.
I have no loyalties to them anymore.

And I don't have any to you.

Hey. That's no way
to speak to your husband.

We're divorced.
Have been for a while.

Okay, what bizarre world

have I sneezed my way into?
You two are married.

And you're expecting.
A magical child, no less.

And you, you're not La Femme Nikita,
you're a Charmed One.

You don't mind kicking ass
when you have to, but otherwise

you'd rather be hanging out
with your sisters, baking cookies

or knitting bootees.

Knitting bootees?
Clearly you don't know me at all.

Oh, yeah?

How come I know you didn't really
vanquish the Lazarus demon?

What are you talking about?

As a breed, they resurrect. The only
way you can keep their remains down

is to bury them in a cemetery.

Please, stay.

Piper.

How did you know that would happen?

We fought him before,
in the real world.

What do you mean, "we"?

We. You, me, Phoebe.
Your sisters.

Oh, God, this is getting me nowhere.
Just orb me to Phoebe.

I can't go to the manor anymore.
It's forbidden.

What? Fine.

I'll do it myself. But when I fix this,
you owe me.

What are you waiting for?

What are you doing here?

I thought I was the only one
to cross over.

That won't be your last miscalculation,
I'm afraid.

Avatars exist
outside of time and space.

That's why I'm immune to your spell.

A spell which I beg you to reverse
before it's too late.

Too late for what?

For you to die.

You're not invincible
in this reality, Cole.

By changing that one critical event,

you've changed even more
than you see before you.

You've changed you.

What are you talking about?
I don't feel any different.

But you are different.

You've assumed the identity
of the Cole in this reality.

The one who used to be known as
Belthazor, the Source's right-hand man.

A powerful demon, to be sure.

But hardly indestructible.

Belthazor, huh?

I told you, that's when
Phoebe and I were at our best.

Cole, please. Believe me.

You have no future here.

But I promise you'll have
a future with us

if you'll only
undo what you've done.

I can't.

I have to play this out first.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Surprise!

Thank you. Thanks.

Speech, speech, speech, speech.
Speech, speech, speech, speech.

I really don't know what to say.

I'm surprised.
I'm very surprised.

My compliments.
This is a great cake.

Thank you, my liege.

Although I must admit,
I thought you were actually 117.

Oh, my.

He shouldn't have said that.

I know how sensitive you are
about your age.

Happy birthday.

Seer, you're alive.

So... So where's Phoebe?

Answer me.

Phoebe.

What's the matter?
Not what you expected?

No. No.

You look... You look great. Really.

Did you just give me a compliment?

You have no idea
how happy I am to see you.

What the hell is the matter with you?

Don't worry about her.
My visions have not changed.

Once she conceives
your magical heir,

you won't need
to keep up pretences anymore.

I'll take it from there.

Leave me.

Phoebe.

You don't recognize me.
That's okay.

- Piper didn't either.
- Piper?

You know Piper? How is she?

She's... different.

Look, I don't have a lot of time
so I'm just gonna drop this on you.

I am your long-Iost sister Paige.

I know it sounds crazy.
But it's true.

We're all sisters in the real world.

Guards.

Look, I don't know how he did it,
but Cole somehow switched realities

in his twisted attempt to get you back.

I somehow slipped through the cracks

and landed here, I don't know how.

I need your help
in order to turn things back

to the way they're supposed to be.

You called?

Darryl, hi.

Get rid of her.

No. What are you doing?

What bodyguards do.

Phoebe.

I know you better
than you know yourself right now.

In your heart, you know
you are not meant to be with Cole.

In this other life, you are free of him
and you're happy.

Leo!

Leo.

Leo.

Thanks. That was cutting it
a little close, don't you think?

You're lucky I came at all.

I'm lucky?

You're lucky. Without me,
we're all screwed.

I'm the only one
who can fix this thing.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, God, this is so weird.

Cole living at the manor, those demons
we vanquished wandering around alive.

Wait a second.
If the demons are alive,

then that means
all the innocents we saved are dead.

Not just the innocents, Paige.

What are you talking about?

What are we doing here?

After you left, I went
and checked with the Elders.

They confirmed your story
that there was, in fact, another sister.

Only they didn't know
until it was too late,

until after the Source
had already had you killed.

This reality sucks.

Yeah, that explains
why none of us knew you.

- Never got a chance to meet you.
- So, what, you believe me now?

I'm not sure what I believe,
but the fact is you're here

and you're not supposed to be.

Okay, so we have established
the fact that I am here.

- How come I don't have my powers?
- You're not living your life anymore.

You're living hers.

You must have taken over our Paige's
life in this reality or, at least,

the life she would've lived
had she not been killed.

And since she never
met her sisters...

Power of three never got back together
and I never got my powers.

- Lucky me.
- Luckier than you think, maybe.

If you hadn't sneezed when you did
and orbed into the neutral plane,

nobody would've ever known.

Cole would've.
He's the one behind this.

He altered reality to eliminate me
and get Phoebe back.

But it's not working.

She hates him as much in this reality
as she does in ours.

Problem is, she's trapped here.

Well, your reality
sounds a lot better than this one.

And not just for Phoebe.

So how can I help you get it back?

I need my sisters.

Well, maybe we can start with two
and go from there.

What are you doing here?

Burying the Lazarus demon.

I figured if you were
right about that,

you were probably right
about everything else as well.

Whoever she was,
she had to be a witch.

Otherwise, she couldn't have called
for a whitelighter in the first place.

Your wife consorting
with other witches again?

I don't like it.

And it wasn't just
any whitelighter either.

- It was Leo.
- Leo?

Did he make contact with Phoebe?

No. Just the other one.

Although, I don't know why the witch
was here to begin with.

I think you need to have
a conversation with your wife.

Let me get this straight.

You work for me now.
Is that right?

Excuse us.

What's the matter?

Not feeling well?

- Why?
- You seem a little off today.

That's all.

You wanted to kill the cop
but your wife cast a spell.

She wanted to make him useful,

save him.

Remember?

I do now.

Forgive me, my liege.

But your enemies are many
and they are everywhere.

Any perceived weakness on your part
could leave you vulnerable.

What are you doing?

- I'm gonna kill that bastard.
- No.

What's the matter with you?
You both have your affairs.

That's no secret.

What?

Darla?

Who's this?

Who I always am, baby.

Whoever you want me to be.

I want Phoebe.
You understand me?

It's the only damn reason
I went through all of this.

Went through all what?

I think we should report this.

So you say the club
is still pretty successful

in this alleged
other reality of yours.

It's not alleged, it's real.
And it's really good.

Oh, yeah?
Am I a millionaire?

No, not that good.

Listen, if we wanna get this place back
to how it used to be, we...

How is it that we don't
know about you?

That we had another sister?

Half sister, apparently.

Right. The CliffsNotes version?

Our mom had an affair
with her whitelighter, Sam.

But because of the
witch-whitelighter rule thing,

they had to give me up at birth.

When the Elders realized they needed
me to remake the Charmed Ones,

they tossed out that stupid rule.

Which, as far as I'm concerned,
paved the way for you and Leo

to be able to keep your baby.

Well, how pregnant am I exactly?

Phoebe and I are practicing
to be your midwives as we speak.

We're preparing
for the big home birth.

Home birth? You're nuts.
I'd never agree to that.

I wouldn't give birth
unless it was in a...

Hospital. Yeah, yeah. You keep
saying the same thing in any reality.

Hey, who else but a sister
would know that?

We must be pretty close then,
the three of us.

Like Phoebe and I were with Prue.

Yeah, close enough
to have avenged Prue's death together.

This Cole of yours must have cast
a pretty powerful spell to do all of this.

But if we vanquish him, the spell
should automatically reverse itself.

Great. Except for we already
tried to vanquish him.

He's become invincible in our world.

Yes, but we're not in your world,
you're in ours.

So is he.

So if you've assumed
our Paige's life,

he must have assumed
Belthazor's.

Yeah, he would have.

Did you guys try
to vanquish Belthazor ever?

No, but you and Prue almost tried.

You guys had
a vanquishing potion, right?

How do you know that?

Book oF Shadows.

Also says that it needs
a piece of his flesh to make it work.

That's right, it did.

All right, then.

Let's go hunting.

Sorry, my liege.

But I thought...

I didn't think...

Are you kidding me?
What did you do that for?

What'd I do what for?

You're in here screwing some guy.
I'm supposed to ignore it?

You're my wife, damn it.

You have got to be kidding me.

After all this time, now you're playing
the aggrieved husband?

You don't understand!

It's all wrong.

This is not the way
it's meant to be here.

Okay, it's okay. Relax.

This is all messed up.
How'd it get messed up?

You have no idea
what I've given up for you.

What about what I've given up, Cole?

I've given up my family,
my heritage, my life.

Oh, yeah?
Where I'm standing,

it looks like you have
a damn good life to me.

Look.

The only one getting anything
out of this is you.

And I have no idea what that is.

The only reason I'm still here

is to make sure that what happened
to Prue does not happen to Piper,

and you know it.

What happened to us, Phoebe?

How'd we get here?

We used to be so in love.

Even without your sisters,
it's not working.

Why?

I don't know.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Phoebe, wait.

- What are you doing here?
- Saving my sister.

Now.

- You.
- Surprise.

Piper.

No.

Get us out of here.

Go. Go get her sisters.
They just attacked me.

Sisters?
You mean there's another?

Yes, damn it.

Get them and kill them on sight.

Paige was telling the truth?

I didn't go through all this
to lose you, Phoebe.

If I'm going down,
you're going down with me.

Toad flax, toad flax.
Did Leo get the toad flax?

Thank you.

I need a dash of cardamom,

a pinch of carrot seeds.

Hey, where's
the mandrake root already?

I'm impressed.
You really know this stuff.

Of course I do.
I learned from the best.

I learned from you.

Mandrake root.

All right, toss it in.

All right, now all we need...

Stand back.

Good memory.

Is that it? Is it ready?

Ready as it'll ever be.
Can't guarantee it'll work, though.

We're only gonna get
one chance at it.

Cole has to know why
we needed his flesh.

- He'll be waiting.
- What about Phoebe?

We get her out first
so that he can't hurt her.

Ready, sis?

Anything?

No.

Okay, come on.

What are you guys doing here?
You have to leave. Now.

- Where's Cole?
- Right here.

No.

What did you do to them?

Exactly what they were
gonna do to me.

- She's still alive, grab her hand.
- What?

I don't know
how you got here, Paige.

But if it's any consolation, I know
exactly where I'm gonna bury you.

Right next to yourself.

Grab her hand.

- The power of three.
- That's us.

Potion.

- I do hate long goodbyes.
- No.

Phoebe, are you crazy?
Throw it before he shimmers out.

She's not gonna throw it.

Are you?

Throw the potion.

We've been through
so much together.

Haven't we?

Our love's so strong,
nothing can destroy it. Not even this.

We're meant to be together.

I don't think so.

No!

Oh, please, God.
Tell me I'm back.

Oh, there you are.
Where'd you orb to?

Piper. Are you pregnant?

Yeah, where you been?

Where have you been?
What happened to your clothes?

Time must have continued
moving on in this reality too.

- I beg your pardon?
- I'm back.

Hey. What's going on?

She's very happy.

Phoebe.

Hi. Oh... Oh, okay.

What's the celebration?

I'm just so happy to be home,
that's all.

You wanted to move out.

I did? God, no.

Never. Well, I mean, you know,

maybe when I'm married, or pregnant,
or hopefully both at the same time.

We're sisters.
We shouldn't split up

until we absolutely have to.
You know that, right?

- She's rambling.
- I hear that.

I'm still here, right?

- I didn't go anywhere.
- Nope.

Paige.

What did you do?

Cole?

I'm telling you, he's gone.
For good.

Yeah, that's what
we thought last time.

And the time before that.

This time is different.

He straddled two worlds just like I did,
but he wasn't invincible there.

Cole is not coming back. Ever.

Just seems far too easy.
I don't know how I feel about that.

I think you should feel good about it.

You know, we don't have to look
over our shoulders anymore.

It's over.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Let's go.

Happy birthday, Cole.