Charmed (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 1 - A Witch's Tail: Part 1 - full transcript

29.970

Piper, I can't be late getting to the office today.

I have a radio interview with
those morning guys, Pip and Skeeter.

That's Skip and Peter.

Could you forget about your advice column for two seconds?

Come see where we're putting the nursery.

You're putting it in your closet.
I've seen your closet.

There's a lot of shoes, honey.

No, not anymore.

Look, it's perfect.

It's a little cramped, though, don't you think?



That's why I'm adding a window.

To bring in the light and create a sense of space.

You guys are very cute,
but why are you doing all of this now?

I mean, your due date's not for months.

Well, demon activity has been light,
so it's a good time to get ahead.

Speaking of ahead,

I can't believe you guys didn't
notice my billboards downtown.

honey, of course we noticed them.

You can see them from a passing 747.

We'd have told you how proud we are of you,

but you never slow down to give us a chance.

nothing perks up a girl's career like
sending her husband straight to hell.

I've seen the nursery and it's absolutely beautiful,

but I really have to go to that interview.



honey, I know your work is very important to you, but guess what?

I'm having a baby.

I know.

So how about you take a couple minutes to be Aunt Phoebe?

Oh, my god, you're so right.

I'm so sorry.

Ok, what do you need?

An opinion.

I'm thinking...

Positions!

Bogey in three,...

...two...one!

So much for the theory that
Borneo Demons are impervious to magical powers.

I can't wait to tell the local witch doctor.

excuse me, can we refrain from
blowing up demons in the nursery?

honey, it was just one.

you're going to be a mom.

You need to start thinking
about the safety of our daughter.

And you, you're getting so caught up
with this magical kick.

I mean, look at your hair.

It's so red from the potion you blew up last night.

Do you have any idea how much this would cost in a salon?

I love your new do, honey, I think you look beautiful.

Ok, bye!

Thank you.

Honey...Sweets...Toots,

I appreciate that you're very
concerned, but I am still a witch,

and we do still have innocents to protect and demons to fight.

I can't just crawl in a hole.

It's too bad, Mylie.

But your time is up.

You've had thirty days to find love,
or the penalty would be death.

But he does love me, I know he does.

Oh, really? Did he tell you?

He doesn't have to tell me he loves me.

Well, actually, he does.

But he'll never say he loves you until he trusts you.

And he'll never trust you,
until you tell him what you really are.

You see why I always win these bargains.

As an immortal being, I'm afraid only you can give up your life.

Place this Auger shell over your heart.

It will draw your immortality inside.

And if I don't?

Then you can rot for eternity right here.

You're wrong. He does love me.

And I'm going to prove it.

A witch Tail Part 1

I can't believe you found all our old baby stuff.

Grams was a bit of a packrat.

Baby book. My baby book!

Look how squishy I was!

You were so adorable.

you can't even see the picture.

I'm your Whitelighter.

I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.

that's too creepy to think about.

I never knew that mom kept a baby book for me.

Why not? I mean, you started one for our daughter.

I always thought you and your mom were a lot alike.

It's strange to think that she went
through everything I'm going through right now.

I don't think you ever really know how much your mother
loves you until you become one yourself.

are you ok?

why don't you let me help you?

It's heavy.

see that's kind of why I wanted to help you with it.

when are you gonna accept the fact that you're pregnant?

When are you going to stop being so overprotective?

All I'm suggesting is that you slow down.

I'm not going to be one of those women that sits on her ass
and eats bon bons throughout her entire pregnancy

That's just not the woman you married.

Besides, generations of Halliwell women raised
perfectly Normal children before me.

They all got through it and so will I.

Not all of them.

What's that supposed to mean?

How far along in the book have you gotten?

There was no one there to finish it after your mother died.

Like I said, you're a lot like your mother.

She was careless, too.

She thought she was invincible.

She was wrong.

H- hello.

Begging your evil pardon, I bear a message from my master.

He wants the immortality you promised him,
and he wants it now.

His words, not mine.

Tell your master he'll get what he wants,
but he must be patient.

Oh, no. I can't tell him that.

No disrespect, but skeletal beings
aren't known for their patience.

Then you best hurry along.

I'll do as you ask, but it'll be the last thing
I do before Necron eats my life force...

then comes for yours.

Water, rise up from the sea.
Find the one who fled from me.

Follow where the winds are cold,
Then fall ten- fold like days of old.

I'm so sorry to pull you out of your meeting.

No. They said it was important, what's going on?

I need to know how you feel about me.

What's so funny?

You know what I love?

No. What?

Your enthusiasm.

What else?

I love this dimple right here when you smile.

what's going on here?

Look, I told you.
I need to know how you feel about me deep inside.

It's important.

Well, listen, I'm going to be on a plane
in like two hours to go to New York,

and when I get back, we'll go out and -

No. Before you get on the plane.

I can't explain right now,

but unless you tell me how you feel about me,

I may not be here when you get back.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm sorry, this isn't a threat.

it is what it is.

Look, Mylie, this isn't the time or the place for this.

Whatever I feel for you should come out when I'm ready.

But we're running out of time.

I admit that this isn't fair what I'm asking you, but...

it's what I need right now if you want to keep me in your life.

If it's that important.

When I first met you,

I felt a wall come down.

A wall around my heart.

I mean, I don't know how to say this, but,

I got to go.

Wait a minute, you just--

I'm so sorry, I've got to go.

{\i1}In my office, now!

Weather advisory: If you're gonna go outside, bring a paddle.

Where were you?

I had to run the McKenzie papers over to the court house.

You've been gone an hour.

there's a freak rainstorm.

The entire city's flooded.

you should've let someone know where you were headed.

You have this habit of coming and going as you please.

As I please? No.

I come and go as other people please.

That's what assistants do.

They run errands.

I'll tell you a little secret.

I don't like it.

your behavior's got to change.

Maybe it'll change if you promote me to social worker.

I already did.

You start tomorrow.

He promoted you?

Congratulations!

Thanks, I guess.

What do you mean you guess?

you've worked so hard for this.

It's your dream.

Cowan already gave me the big responsibility speech.

No more coming to work late, no more long lunches-

Hold on a second, sweetie.

I got Nancy O'Dell's Producer on the phone.

They want to know if you want hair and makeup.

no. I will do my own. Thanks.

Hi.

Nancy O'Dell?

She wants to interview me on TV tomorrow.

Look at you blowing up around town!

Billboards, radio, tv?

What's next?
"Phoebe: The World Tour."

no. Even better.

Divorce court.

What?

I can't believe with all that you have going on,

you found time to push a divorce through the system.

I just want my life back.

I don't want to have to look over my shoulder,

praying that Cole isn't going to find
a way out of that demonic wasteland, you know?

Do you think he will?

You know what? I don't care.

Because even if he does, after today, I'll be free.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

It's just that I recognize you from your billboard.

I need your help.

That's sweet, sweetie,

but if you write a letter, then I respond to everyone --

No. You don't understand.

I recognized you as A Charmed One.

You're very famous where I come from.

I'm not evil or anything.

I've heard that one before.

No, honestly, I'm a -

We need to go.

Well, yeah.

The Sea Hag can track my tail.

Well, then, make it go away!

I can't!

Hang on.

I just cut work on the day of my big promotion
and sped through a rainstorm to get here.

What is the 9...1...1?

Phoebe found a mermaid.

Actually, she found me.

On the way to a very important court date, I might add.

Hi. I'm Mylie.

You must be Paige.

You have a very big underwater fan base.

You're a mermaid?

You guys actually exist?

excuse me, when you said a Sea Hag,

did you mean like Old Woman Hag, or Evil Magic Hag?

Because see, I'm not really in the battle mood today.

she's kind of both.

Forget that, what's life like under the sea?

Does your skin get wrinkly?

Does algae pose a personal hygiene problem?

guys, why don't we let her up for a little air?

No, it's ok.

I don't mind.

Actually, there's nothing like being a mermaid.

You get to swim in the open sea all day,
explore endless wonders, it's...

it's pure freedom.

Sounds like heaven.

I'm sure you want to get back.

I could drop you off at the beach on my way to --

You don't understand.

It was a great life.

For the first few hundred years.

Mermaids are immortal.

We can spend eternity at sea.

Because our hearts are, some say,
as cold as the water.

But sometimes a mermaid gets lonely,
her heart warms,

and she wants more.

Is that what happened to you?

The ocean's floor is littered with
bones of mortals who died for love.

I had to know why.

Now these bones,

could they be bones of mortals that
perhaps the Sea Hag killed?

Wha- a- t?

So you said you wanted to feel love.

Is that why you went to see the Sea Hag?

Yes.

If a mortal professes his love to a mermaid, she becomes human.

The Sea Gag agreed to give me legs,

but if I didn't find love before her
deadline I would have to give her my immortality.

All that for a guy?

Did you get taken for a ride.

What?

But I did find love.

I think I did.

But I might be dead before I get to find out for sure.

Craig's getting on a plane to New York soon.

This is good.

Because all we've got to do is find the fish lover,

get him to spill his guts,

and then we don't have to face the Sea Hag.

What?

If your boyfriend's love can make you human,

why don't you just tell him you're a mermaid?

I'm a genetic freak with a fishtail coated in glandular slime?

She raises a good point.

You may be half fish, but you're still a woman,

and women, you know, they generally know
when a man's in love, even before he does

Oh, p- lease!

If I wrote that slop in my column, I'd be driven out of town.

That is it.

Can I see you two in the kitchen?

What is going on with you guys?

Sorry. Like you need a man to be complete.

That kind of thinking dates
back to the days we all had tails.

Maybe Phoebe's right.

Maybe we just throw the mermaid back into the ocean

and we keep the manor a Hag- free zone.

Who are you people,
and what have you done with my sisters?

We'll start with you.

What is going on in that head of yours?

I keep thinking about the court date I'm missing.

so you're dumping all over our innocent?

I don't mean to be.

I've been fighting so hard to get my life back.

If Cole shows up and we're still married,
then it was all for nothing.

I need my freedom.

Ok, fine.

Go meet the Judge.

Just hurry back and we'll deal with Mylie.

Where's she going?

Everything ok?

Piper and I were just about to discuss
how best to vanquish Sea Hag.

You said we were going to deal with Mylie.

You didn't say anything
about doing anything with the Sea Hag.

What is up with you and
these demon avoidance issues you suddenly got?

I think if we can protect Mylie and avoid a run- in with the Sea Hag,

I'm all for that.

What is going on with everybody?

We're talking about the Sea Hag.

The mysterious monster of the deep blue sea.

The one whose name strikes fear into
the hearts of sailors everywhere.

Somebody's been watching way too much Discovery Channel.

You're probably right.

But she's an interesting evil specimen.

Reminds me of this water demon that I read about in the book.

She kills in the most fascinating way.

What?

We know how it kills.

What'd I say?

It killed mom.

It's ok.

You didn't know.

I just don't see any sense in going up
against a demon like this if we don't have to.

Maybe we can get Craig to confess his love for Mylie.

I'll ask her what flight he's on and
maybe I can stop him from getting on that plane.

But if it doesn't work, we're gonna have to come up with a plan "B"

to vanquish the Sea Hag.

I know. I will check the Book of Shadows.

You ok?

Yeah.

Hello!

Begging your evil pardon!

I see you're still alive.

Six months ago, I came to this cavern to feed on you.

You talked me out of it

What was it you said?

I promised you an immortal being,

to give you permanent and everlasting life.

Yes, that was it.

A mermaid, I believe.

Did you capture her for me?

No, not yet.

It's not too late.

I can cast a new spell.

Conjure a storm like San Francisco has never seen.

Think what you're giving up if you kill me.

Now this isn't right.

I'm so tired of feeding on lower life forms.

The mermaid won't get away this time.

She better not, for your sake.

Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

Have a nice flight.

Craig? Craig Wilson?

Yeah.

I have a message for you.

Mylie sent me.

Let me guess, she sent me a singing telegram.

A strip- o- gram.

That's more Mylie's style, shocking and unexpected.

I'm a friend of Mylie's.

She sent me here because
she needs to speak with you.

Why didn't she come herself?

That's a good question.

There's a good answer.

I just can't tell you what it is.

But I- it's good.

Let me get this straight.

You're a friend of Mylie's.

I've never met you.

I've never even heard of you,

and you know more about her than I do,
is that right?

No, not more about her than you do.

Just a little secret--

a big secret.

I'm tired of Mylie's secrets.

I'm tired of her moving closer to me
and then running away, and --

I'm just tired.

There's a really good reason for all of this

and one day you guys are gonna sit down
at a nice seafood dinner

and laugh about this,

but until then you really need to trust her.

Right now, I need to catch a plane.

Excuse me.

her life is in danger.

I sent a Sheriff to his apartment, to his work,

even his dry cleaners.

Trust me, your honor,

I didn't make a good faith effort to try
to notify my husband of our divorce.

I made a great faith effort.

But to grant a default divorce,

the court requires that you put
a notice in the local newspaper

saying where the missing spouse was last residing.

Did you do that?

I made the notice larger than legally required.

I even used a 12 pica bold font
to make sure it really popped.

You see there how it really pops?

What is your business here, Inspector?

I led the investigation into
the disappearance of Mr. Cole turner.

We used every method at our disposal
to locate his whereabouts

and we still came up empty.

It's my belief that Mr. Turner has left the country.

I must say, young lady, in all my years on the bench,

I have never seen a divorce pushed through this fast.

Please sign here.

Free at last.

{\i1}Is this the right office?

Cole Turner, your honor.

Nice ad.

Thanks for letting me know.

You evil bastard!

Why didn't you just stay where you belong?

Wait a minute! I'm not evil.

Do you have any idea
what you just did to me in there?

Hold on.

I'm not evil. I'm good.

You're good at crushing my every hope and dream.

I'm gonna make up for that.

You just made me look like a fool in front of the judge.

You are like a pit bull with a death grip.

You know, I should arrest you on principle.

Too many people talking at once.

You see, Cole.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

good people don't turn other people into water coolers.

I needed you to hear me.

Go to hell!

I was just there.

I didn't mean to stay so long but I needed
to gather enough powers to execute--

Execute who?

My plan.

I'm here to redeem myself.

You better be careful.

You are stepping down
a very dangerous road right now.

I'm already on it.

I got my job back at the law firm.

I'm gonna use my powers to help people.

Make up for my past.

In time, you'll see we're meant to be together.

if you say that again, I swear I'll scream.

I want you out of my life.

I'll keep my distance.

But I'm not going away.

My love for you hasn't changed.

It kept me alive in the wasteland
and led me back to you.

You won't use that.

I know you still love me, on some level deep inside.

You are seriously mistaken if you think
I still love you in any way.

I wasn't expecting a warm welcome but
don't you think this is a little extreme?

Wait!

You stay away from me, whatever you are.

What happened? Where's Phoebe?

She ran off.

You're lucky that's all she did.

Now the book says that the sea hag
has power over her natural environment.

Would that be like rainstorms?

Yeah. Rainstorms, hurricanes...

Hurricanes?

Even tidal waves.

she said tidal waves.

How far do tidal waves travel?

Excuse us.

What has gotten into you?

I don't know.

I just don't feel like myself.

our job is to keep the innocent calm.

Do you think you can do that
while I go talk to the Elders

and see if they can help us control the Sea Hag?

Sure.

You came.

Yeah, Paige told me your life was in danger.

What's going on?

I really need to know how you feel about me.

I can't believe we're back on this.

What, you two in on this joke or what?

It's no joke.

You have to tell her how you feel about her.

Her life depends on it.

What is this?

The delusional girls club?

Come on!

Tell me what's happening.

I can't.

You can't.

You yanked me out of a business meeting.

You have a friend ambush me at the airport.

I miss my plane and you can't tell me why?

No.

buddy, look.

You obviously wouldn't be here if you didn't care,

so why don't you just tell her
that you love her, for crying out loud.

Piper, relax!

What?

If he does not do this
then we've got to fight the evil...

...person.

You know what?
I'm outta here.

wait!

You wanna know what I'm hiding from you?

No, don't!

Please don't be afraid.

It's still me.

What are you? Gee!

Did you find a vanquishing spell?

freeze her!

I can't.

What happened to you?

She took our innocent?

How could you let that happen?

I don't know.

I think, I had a panic attack.

I couldn't breath or move.

but she took our innocent.

Let's give Piper a break, ok?

No, she's right.

I froze up, Mylie's gone,

and it's my fault.

it's not your fault.

It's your hormones.

Your maternal instincts are kicking in.

More like taking over.

It's natural for a mother
to feel protective of her baby.

But she's been handling demons
ever since she got pregnant.

Why the sudden change today?

I don't know, I just-- I don't.

Just focus on finding Mylie.

What did you get on the Sea Hag?

There's a vanquishing spell,
the power of three.

I have it somewhere.

what about a location?

Did the book say where we could find her?

The Elders say she keeps a cavern on a remote island.

She keeps it hidden with charms and spells.

The only way to track her is with a mermaid.

well, unfortunately, we're fresh out of those.

yeah, well where were you when this all went down?

I had my own demon to deal with.

The good news is that the Sea Hag can't steal Mylie's immortality unless she's willing to give it up.

Which could be any minute.

That's true, if she gives up hope, she might want to die.

All right, well, I'll find Craig.

We may need him.

Try the airport, he was headed to New York.

I'll try to locate the Sea Hag.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.

I might have been pushing too hard.

Why don't you let me and Paige worry about the Sea Hag?

No, cause I've gotta --

Rest! If not for your sake, then for my niece.

All this stress can't be good.

She's right.

I underestimated you.

They always come back to me with empty hearts,
begging me to end their lives.

But you...

...you almost found love.

I did find love.

Maybe he did love you.

But I'm afraid that's over, my dear child,

now that he knows what you are.

It's time to embrace your fate.

The pain you're feeling won't go away.

As an immortal creature,
can you bear to live with it for eternity?

Inspector 43 in need of assistance.

216 in progress.

I have shots fired.

This is the last time I come to this place for lunch.

Thought you could use a little help.

You thought right.

Let's go get the bad guy.

What did you do?

Gave us a little extra time.

I can see that. Why?

You mean, other than to save your ass?

Well, I need to show Phoebe that I am good.

If I help you make this collar you look good to your bosses.

It's a win- win proposition.

What if I don't want your help?

I could always turn you into a water cooler.

Got cuffs?

Thanks!

Here, hold this.

So, anyway.

If you need help on any cases, supernatural or otherwise,

I'm at your service.

I'm gonna prove to everyone that I'm not evil.

Whether they like it or not.

Look, she doesn't want you.

Why don't you just give it up?

Because I'm in love.

Don't forget to tell her what I did.

This is really good.

Adding eastern thinking to western Wicca.

Are you gonna answer your phone?

no. It's my boss, I've been gone all afternoon.

then can we turn it off?

Do you think it's possible to get
promoted and fired on the same day?

please just turn off the phone.

You know, maybe, in our new destiny,
this job just isn't meant to be.

Ok, interesting. Phoebe?

What is going on?

He's back.

Who?

What?

Blood is not supposed to do that.

You stabbed him.

Yeah.

Good.

He wants me back.

He wants me back and I just want to run,
as fast and far as I can.

I swear, if I had your power,

I would orb myself to a rock in the middle of the sea.

He has put me through so much and I just

I don't want to go through it again.

running is not the answer.

Don't give him that power over you.

You have built a great life for yourself.

It doesn't matter.

I'm too tired to fight him.

And I don't even know if I could

He has got all these new demonic powers now.

You know what?
Turn your anger towards the Sea Hag.

After we deal with her,
I'll test Cole's blood

and come up with a magic way to keep him from you.

Thank you.

Let's see if this spell that you wrote works.

I will go find Piper.

I'm kinda worried about her.

She picked maybe the worst
time to come up with a massive demon phobia?

Do you think she's gonna be ok
to take on the Sea Hag?

I think pregnancy is an emotional time
and anything can happen.

{\i1}I'll be fine.

let's go. We got a job to do.

Are you sure you're up to it?

I don't have a choice.

It's the power of three spell, right?

One, two three.

Should we wait for Leo to find Craig before we go?

No, Mylie needs us now.

If this spell works it should take us right to the Sea Hag.

Powers of the witches rise,

Find the Hag who speaks in lies,

Balance, Chakra, focus Chi,

Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea.

Sorry, couldn't hold you.

Wha-- ?

You can't stand.

You don't have legs.

well, why me?

Why did I get the tail?

We all read that spell together.

Maybe cause you're the best swimmer?

Yeah, at the Y.

But this is the ocean!

It is very cold and I'm allergic to shellfish.

Ok, forget that.

Do you sense the Sea Hag?

Is she close?

How should I know?

maybe if you put your head underwater.

And get my hair wet?

you're a mermaid!

You should be able to sense the Sea Hag.

My spell worked, just not the way I envisioned it.

I found Craig, he was on a plane on his way to New York.

Why am I standing in the ocean?

Phoebe's a mermaid.

that would explain it.

Dive in the water's great!

Get back here this instant!

The call of the sea is intense,
just like Mylie said it was.

ignore it.

Did you find the Sea Hag?

Now that you mention it,
there was a stench under the water.

That could be the sewage treatment plant.

We'll take our chances.

Follow the stench.

How?

I don't know!

Get in touch with your inner fish.

And then when you find the cavern,
call for Leo and we will orb there.

That's actually the most fun
I've seen Phoebe have since Cole died.

Which time?

Good point.

Ok, you guys ready?

T minus Sea Hag and counting.

you got the Power of Three spell?

you ok?

I'm fine.

Everything's under control.

Are you ready to make your pain go away?

Yes.

Necron will be pleased.

It doesn't hurt, I promise.

The auger shell brings peace.

She's calling.
Let's go.

Come on, come on. Let's go.

Where's Piper?

She let go of my hand.

Enough with the water!

Shell!

Is everyone ok?

Yeah.

No.

She's dying.

Can you heal her?

It's no use.

She's not human.

No, not yet.

Get Craig, hurry.

She should have stayed in the water.

She could have avoided all of this.

Can we stay positive, please?

Get your hands off me. Wha...?

What just happened?

Where am I?

Somewhere off the North Atlantic would be my gut instinct.

How? What?

Who are you people?

Witch.

Angel.

Mermaid.

Don't you mean witch?

I know this is hard to accept.

But all that matters is she's dying
and you can help her.

What can I do?

Tell her how you feel.

Your love can save her.

My love? How can I --

how can I love her?

Look at her.
she's got a --

...Really beautiful heart?

Now you know what she is.

But who she is, you've always known that.

I do love you.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

I hate to cut this short,

but I can sense Piper's panic and
I think we should get back to her

and let her know that everything's all right.

take my hand, I'll orb you back.

Nope.

I'm staying in the ocean.

just meet us back at the beach,

you swim so fast you'll probably
beat us there anyway.

No, I'm staying in the ocean.

I'm not going back.

I don't understand.

It's everything that Mylie said it was.

It's complete freedom.

The call of the sea.

It'll turn her heart cold if she lets it.

Ok, Phoebe, get out of the water.

No.

Phoebe, take my hand.

No.

Phoebe, fight it.

I don't want to fight it.

I just want to be free.