Charmed (1998–2006): Season 4, Episode 15 - Marry-Go-Round - full transcript

Piper, did you check on the cake?

Yes.

That's good, because I don't want
the cake to be delivered

till after the linens arrive.

I checked on the cake.

Could you please
take off that microphone?

Sorry, I'm just checking
the sound system.

What about the limo?
Honey, did you book the limo?

It's all taken care of,
along with the DJ, the caterer,

the table arrangements and the rice.

Rice? No, no, we can't
throw rice.



- Why not?
- Because the birds can't digest it

- and they will blow up.
- Okay, so we'll throw birdseed

or we'll release balloons.

No, no. We can't release
balloons either, they float to the ocean.

And the whales mistake them
for squid and I can't be thinking

about whales washing up on the
beach during my wedding, you know?

Honey, I know you want
the perfect day,

but you need
to relax a little bit and breathe.

Breathing is good.
Breathing is your friend.

Whoa! Is this a wedding
or a coronation?

- Where is my dress?
- Oh, I don't have it.

I'm not breathing. What do you mean?
How could you forget my dress

the day before the wedding?
The bridal shop is closed tomorrow.

Relax, it's open tonight,
I'm planning on picking it up



- on my way to the rehearsal dinner.
- Oh, all right.

- Why don't we sit down?
- Yeah, sitting is good.

I think I'm a little stressed out.
You know, because I just,

I want tomorrow to be perfect.
No glitches, natural or supernatural.

No magic, no ghosts.

You guys understand that?

I just want tomorrow
to be nice and normal.

Honey, I promise you
will have your perfect wedding.

By this time tomorrow, you and Cole
will be joined in holy matrimony.

Holy matrimony will be the worst
possible thing that could happen.

It'll keep you from
ever reigning as The Source.

That can't be right.

It's what I foresee.

Unless, of course,
you cancel the wedding.

I can't. I need Phoebe.

Yes, I can see that too.

We've been through this.

Cole's love for Phoebe still exists
within me, I can't overcome it.

If I'm to regain what I've lost,
it has to be with Phoebe.

- Marrying her.
- Even if it means losing your son?

A son?

- You saw a son in my future?
- More than a son.

You and Phoebe Halliwell
will produce the most powerful child

the magical world has ever seen.

- That's my boy.
- No, he won't be your boy.

He'll be theirs, on the side of good.

Unless you marry the witch
in a dark way.

Impossible, the wedding's tomorrow.
I don't have time.

Then your son will never be heir
to your kingdom.

He'll be heir to their destiny.

Not if I destroy the white wedding...

...then find a way to lure
her into a dark one.

I'll have to move quickly.
Start a fight between Phoebe

and one of her sisters. Paige.

Do you really think
sibling rivalry is going to--?

Not by itself, no. I'll have to get
a demon to attack, to distract them.

While you're doing that,

I'll set Paige up, mix a potion or two
to incite the infighting, then poof!

Watch the white wedding
disappear, literally.

Still, how will you get her
to marry you in the dark way?

What do I need for that?

A dark priest
to perform the ceremony

at night in a cemetery.

And of course, the groom
will have to drink her blood.

What are the chances of that?

Good.

Very good.

And what about Phoebe, who was
speedwalking down the aisle?

- I was not!
- You left your dad.

Okay, attention.

I have something for my groomsmen,
two fine gentlemen

I chose to stand by me
on the most important day of my life.

Because...

Well, they're the only ones I know.

Well, you have to admire
his honesty.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

Engraved golf balls.

Titleist Pro V1 s. Thanks, man.

I don't golf.

- Hey, I'll take them.
- Well, they got my name on it.

So?

And for my two
beautiful bridesmaids...

...whom I chose because...

...they're my best friends
in the whole wide world.

Oh, Phoebe...

There's a bonsai tree
for balance and harmony.

And a dream catcher so that
all your dreams will come true,

just like mine have.

This is so great. Tarot cards!

My deck is totally trashed,
this is perfect.

That's just in case
you need psychic services

while me and my new husband
are busy getting busy.

Oh, I hope that's the photographer.

Hey, Leo, I got an extra stogie,
you wanna join me?

- I don't smoke.
- I'll take that.

But I do eat chocolate.

Leo, no, wait!

No, Leo!
You need to wait for everybody else.

Let's see what the future has
in store for Cole and Phoebe.

Oh, no.

You don't really believe
that stuff, do you?

Oh, I am so sorry. There's just
so many details, you know.

I practically bit Paige's head off
today at the church

because she didn't pick up
my dress on time.

Which is now in the attic. Yay!

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

So, what did the cards say?

Oh, nothing.

Try the cards again,
see what comes up.

Oh...maybe later.

So...

I don't mean to spoil anyone's fun,
but I should be going.

- Going where?
- Hotel.

Not supposed to stay in
the same house as my bride

the night before
before the wedding, right?

But Phoebe has the number
in case of emergency.

- Good night.
- See you later.

So, what are you gonna do
your last night as a single guy?

Oh, if I told you that,
you'd never marry me.

I feel like I'm standing
at the edge of a cliff right now.

- You do?
- Yeah.

And somehow I've never felt
safer in my whole life.

Are you okay?

No.

Not really.

You have no idea how difficult
you're making this for me.

I do.

But you have to go.

You'll have me soon enough.

I hope so.

I saw some witches poking around
this crypt one night

a couple or three years back.

- I think this is where they buried it.
- I can always count on you to help.

Well, you're one of the few left.

The dark priesthood's
a lonely calling these days.

I haven't seen a human soul
in my collection plate in months.

I'll be sure to make a donation.

Bless you, child.

You know, it's not a wise move
to unearth a Lazarus demon.

They're mean and unreliable.

- A bad combination.
- I know.

It's just that after you kill one,

you have to bury the remains
to prevent resurrection.

Yes. I know.

Well, what I wanna know is
what's a wise, old seer want

- with one of these messy creatures?
- That's my concern.

Don't you mean
The Source's concern?

I've heard the rumours.

A new Source has risen.

And lucky to have you as his seer.
Still, you've always worked

in a strictly advisory capacity.
Yet here you are digging up demons.

- So?
- So, what's in it for you?

I had a vision.

This Source will have a son.

The greatest power
in the history of magic.

And you'll be the hand
that rocks his cradle.

Once I get rid of his mother...

...yes.

Very nice.

Tell the new Source
I live to serve him.

- Hello.
- I had to call. It's an emergency.

Phoebe, what is it?

I needed to hear your voice.

I'm glad you called.

- You are?
- Yeah.

Something's been bothering me.

Maybe it's my imagination
but Paige was a little...

I don't know,
weird at dinner, kind of cold.

Really? I didn't notice.

I wouldn't bring it up,

but I don't wanna do anything
to come between you and your sister.

If us getting married is gonna hurt
the power of three in any way--

I don't know what to say.

Except Paige has been nothing
but supportive of our marriage.

Forget about it. It's probably nothing.

Okay.

So how do you look
in your wedding gown?

I don't know yet, I've been too busy
to try it on.

Well, when you do, I want you
to picture me taking it off.

Gotta go, babe. Love you.

I love--

You.

Hey!

What is a wedding
without a bachelor party?

I got poker chips,
corn chips, I have chips.

I got the entertainment. From my
private collection, I might add.

You wouldn't happen to have
the key to the minibar, would you?

What does the future
have in store for Phoebe and Cole?

Piper.

Look, I can't keep this
to myself any longer.

This is Phoebe
and Cole's tarot reading.

They were lovers in their past,
despair fills their present...

...but this...

...is their future.

Oh, please.
This looks nothing like Death.

Prue met him, I know.

No, you're missing the point.
This is a bad omen.

Well, not necessarily.

Look, Cole's a nice guy,
fine, whatever, but face the facts.

He was the world's greatest demon
for what, a century?

Yeah, but we've been through that.

Yeah, I know. But a century's worth
of blood and bad karma,

you don't just walk away from that.

God, I don't know,
maybe I'm just...worried.

Well, have you ever considered

that maybe you drew those cards
because they represent your feelings

and not Phoebe's future?

That's a possibility.

- You!
- Oh!

You ruined my wedding!

And the bridal shop
is closed tomorrow.

Now, Phoebe, let's not
blow this out of proportion.

My wedding dress
could double as a circus tent.

Okay, I think things
are already out of proportion!

- All I did was pick up the dress.
- The wrong dress!

- No, I checked the tag.
- Oh, really? Let me just look at that.

"Millie Platt."

Do I look like Millie Platt to you?
Do l?

That's impossible.

Okay, you know, if you would have
picked up the dress

when I asked,
we'd have time to fix this.

Don't worry, I can sew.

I will take in the seams,
all of them, tonight.

Sword!

You'd better take care of this mess.

There must be something
in the Book.

Not the demon.

My wedding dress.

Are you hurt?

Baby, you're not supposed
to be here.

Leo said it was an urgent call,
I was worried.

Thanks, I'm fine.

No demon is gonna stop me
from marrying you tomorrow.

Now, my sister's another story.

I said I was sorry.

What kind of demon attacked you?

This one. "Lazarus demon"?

A Lazarus demon? You sure?

"Rare, high-level demons
with telekinetic powers."

Yep, that's the bad boy we popped.

Has it resurrected yet?

Resurrected?

Behind you!

Sofa!

No!

Piper, blow him up!

Leo.

Are you okay?

I think so, yeah.

He's gonna be back.
The Book says that Lazarus demons

get stronger the longer
they are out of cemetery ground.

Cemetery ground?

It's the only way to keep them
from resurrecting, you bury them.

So that means someone
intentionally dug him up...

...to attack us.
The night before my wedding.

Well, the question is, who and why?

I know why.
To stop the wedding.

I did two tarot readings, Phoebe.
They both said

that marrying Cole will only cause
death and despair.

- What?
- I'm surprised he didn't tell you.

He saw the first reading.

If I ran scared every time
things looked dark for us

we'd never have made it this far.

That's true.

Is there anything else
bothering you, Paige,

that I should know about?

No, not really.

Okay, good.

Paige and I will be on
demon watch tonight,

- so that Phoebe can get some sleep.
- I'm too wired to sleep.

Maybe I can help you relax with one
of my aromatherapy treatments.

See, now this is the spirit.

Everything will be fine,
as long as we stay together,

and stay calm.

I just did what the Seer told me.

Did she tell you to kill my fianc?e?

Because that's what you almost did.

The Source before you
would've rewarded me

for killing one of those witches.

The old Source was reckless.

And now he's dead.

You wanna follow him to his grave?

No.

Then let's get this straight.

You work for me now.

Do what I tell you, I guarantee
you'll never see another cemetery.

But...

...hurt my bride again,
and I will bury you myself!

And stay down until I need you.

How dare you unearth
a Lazarus demon.

We need a creature that can lure
your witch into the cemetery.

But a Lazarus demon?

The witches must believe

they are under attack
for your plan to work.

There's no plan with Phoebe dead.

I'm beginning to wonder
if you can handle

your new mantle of power.

Are you questioning my leadership?

No. You inherited the world's evil.
I'll follow that anywhere.

- But...?
- Cole. He's still alive inside you.

And he loves the witch.

I know.

I can feel it.

When you were a demon,

his love for her ruined
more than one good plan.

It's different now.

Cole's voice used to scream inside
my head. Now it's just a whisper.

We can use his feelings
to control her.

So we'll take shifts,

and I will go first. And then Paige
will wake you up in the morning.

What is this?

My face cream,

also known as "Heaven in a Jar."
It's a special blend.

You made it?

It's got patchouli oil
for balance and confidence,

and chamomile
to relax your nervous system.

I'm really sorry
about your wedding dress.

I want everything to go
so great for you tomorrow.

It's okay.

- She is trying.
- Yeah, I know.

Couldn't hurt, right?

You still feeling tense?

Not really tense, just...

...extremely alert.

Phoebe, I know you want
the Cinderella fantasy.

But I don't want you to be upset

if everything doesn't go
exactly as planned tomorrow.

Where is that coming from?

Well, I was just remembering
my wedding day.

And I remember I wanted
everything to be absolutely perfect.

And then Prue crashed through
the front door on a Harley!

Yeah, only Prue could make
my wedding day all about her.

But the point is,
I barely remember the ceremony.

It's a total blur.

And in the end, all that matters is
that you marry the guy that you love.

And if you manage to do that,

your wedding was perfect.

What are you doing in here?

Just checking on Phoebe.
You were in the bathroom.

I didn't even hear you.

Well, that's a problem,
don't you think?

- What if I was a demon?
- Oh, good point.

When you're on
demon watch in this house,

- you don't take bathroom breaks.
- Got it.

And whatever you do,
don't fall asleep.

Paige. Paige!

You were supposed to wake me up.

What happened? What time is it?

Look at me!

What do you have to
say for yourself?

I fixed your wedding dress?

Paige!

This is all your fault!
You put a mojo on my face cream.

I did not!
Those are all natural ingredients.

If you had something to say to me,
why didn't you just say it, Paige?

Okay, we all just need
to just take a deep breath--

- Say what?
- Don't think that I don't know

how you really feel about Cole.

Oh! I have been nothing
but supportive of that demon.

Ex-demon.

Oh, is that like "ex-convict"?

All right, that is not necessary.

We all just need to calm down--

Face it, Phoebe,
this wedding has been filled

with nothing but bad omens
from the start.

And they all seem to be
connected with you now, don't they?

All right, that's it!

Break it up. You go back
to your corner, and you...

You're gonna get ready.

And we're gonna put
lots and lots of makeup on you.

Face it. There's not enough spackle
in the world to fill those craters.

- Step back.
- Oh, now what are you doing?

Trying to prove to you that I am not
trying to sabotage your wedding.

- I don't think--
- Let the object of objection

Become but a dream,
As I cause the seen to be unseen

Magic, she just did magic on me.

And it's working.

It is?

My zits are gone?

Yeah, I can...

...honestly say that your face
is completely clear.

It is my wedding day. The one day
of my life that is all about me,

and nobody can see me.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to do it.

Stop following me. Go away!

Hang on, Phoebe. Don't lose it now.

Here. You can't walk around naked,
and I think it'll fit now.

Paige! What difference
does it make? I am invisible.

My wedding is supposed to start
in less than one hour

and everyone I've ever known
is gonna be there.

And I'm never gonna be able
to face them again.

All right, this is all just a backfire
to the vanishing spell.

There's gotta be a reversal in here.

Hey, what's going on up here?
You guys aren't even dressed yet.

Where's Phoebe?

She is still putting on her face.

I can't keep stalling
this photographer forever.

He's done portraits in every room
in the house.

Send him ahead to the church.

- Phoebe?
- That was me.

I'm working on my impressions.

Dad, go downstairs
and wait for us there.

See? I'm working it into the toast.

Oh, what's the use?

I might as well call Cole
and tell him it's off.

- Oh, honey...
- Something you said

is bothering me. Why would there be
a backfire to the vanishing spell?

Personal gain, I guess.

But there wasn't any of that
when I used it

to help others, why Phoebe?

What, are you suggesting that there
is outside magic at play here?

Yeah, the same magic
that dug up the Lazarus demon,

and then there was the acne,
then the super-sized wedding dress.

She's rambling.
Should I yell at her again?

No! She might be onto something.

Listen, we're not fighting
each other here, we're fighting evil.

We kick evil's ass every day.

- Sometimes twice a day.
- Okay.

Today's a day like any other day.
Evil wants this wedding cancelled?

Screw that.

We're not gonna go
down without a fight.

Okay, so, what we do
is we get dressed,

we head to the church,
while we look for a way to fix Phoebe.

- Are you with me?
- Yes. Phoebe...

Grab the Book, let's go.

Get the dress.

The wedding was supposed to start
1 5 minutes ago. Where are the girls?

Phoebe needs to talk to you
in the dressing room.

It's bad luck for the groom
to see the bride before the wedding.

I don't think that
that's gonna be a problem.

Okay, this one's gotta work.
It's the spell that reversed

my enhanced breasts. Here.

Guiding spirits, hear our plea
Annul this magic, let it be

Can you see me?

Not even your breasts.

Well, that's it.
It's the last reversal spell we have.

It's okay, you guys.
You did your best.

Come on, let's go.

We'll leave you two alone to talk.

Wait a minute, where's Phoebe?

Over here.

- Hi, honey.
- Phoebe?

- You're invisible?
- Yeah.

Looks like whatever demon's
trying to stop our wedding succeeded.

- Oh, honey...
- We tried every trick we know to fix it.

And nothing's worked. And now...

Phoebe?

I wanted the perfect wedding.

But I didn't want it for me.
I wanted it for you.

You've given me so much.
You don't deserve this.

It's okay, baby.

- We'll find another way, I promise.
- Okay.

- I'll make the announcement.
- All right.

- The wedding's off.
- Not necessarily.

Get everybody in their positions.

We'll start with the processional,
tell the quartet.

What about Phoebe?
She's invisible.

Not for long, we hope, so go on.

And look for your bride
walking down the aisle.

Go on.

Wait.

Hold on here. I'm a little confused.

I thought we were out of spells.

Not yet. You know how
every attempt we've made

to reverse your invisibility
has failed?

Yes.

Well, what if we don't reverse it,
we just shift it

- from one sister to another?
- Wait.

You mean transfer
the invisibility to you?

No way, I won't let you.

Phoebe, every Cinderella
needs a fairy godmother.

Let me be yours.

- Paige.
- Please.

I need to do this so you know

that I am not trying
to stop your wedding.

The natives are growing
restless in there.

Yeah, I know.
A couple have already left.

Will somebody tell me
what's going on?

I wish I knew.

Places, everybody.

Aren't you going to seat me?

- I'll get her.
- No, allow me.

You should wait for Phoebe.

- They'll recognize you.
- You never contacted me.

- Did your potion work?
- Yes.

And did they use the spell
you thought they would?

Yes, and now she's invisible.

Then why are all these people here?

I think they found a spell
to reverse our magic.

And did she find an obedience spell
to make you do as she pleases?

Don't forget who you're talking to.

Where's the Lazarus demon?

In my chambers,
awaiting your command.

Order him to attack.

The girls will stop the ceremony
to save innocent lives.

Where's Paige?

I don't know.

I'm gonna cry.

Please be seated.

Thank you all for coming
to honour the love

between Cole Turner
and Phoebe Halliwell.

Before we get started,
I must ask, is there anyone

who has just cause why this couple
should not be united in marriage?

This is your time, your platform.

Speak now, or forever
hold your peace.

I'll check that out. Keep going.

Since nobody here
can show just cause

it's my privilege to ask--

You put her down!

Excuse me.

Keep going, please.
Just keep going.

As I was saying,

it's my privilege to ask who gives
this woman to this man today?

Her sisters and I do.

Son of a bitch!

Piper, look out!

Stop!

Where's Paige?

I don't know.

Leo, where's Paige?

I can't get a read on her.

Wherever she is,
her heart's not beating.

Over here.

What the hell is going on in here?

That's it. The wedding is off!

Tell everyone to get out of here.
Go, go!

Just send the food to the house.

Yes, and the bill.

Not as sorry as I am. Thank you.

Caterer's taken care of.

Thank you so much, Piper, I just...
I can't deal with any of that right now.

It's okay. It's been a tough day.

How about you, how are you doing?

I'm still a little shaky.

We nearly lost you.

Lucky the demon hesitated
when Cole yelled.

Yeah, but why did he?

Maybe he was surprised
somebody yelled at him.

We should all just be thankful
that we're alive.

And visible.

Although I'm not sure
how that happened.

I do. The magic you were under
was supposed to stop the wedding.

It wore off once the wedding
was cancelled.

Oh, you mean when evil won?

I am not stopping until I find out
who sent that thing after us.

Speaking of the demon...

...the crispy critter needs to find
its way back to a cemetery.

Well, I know a local haunt.
I can take it there.

And what happens
when my freeze wears off on the way?

You'll be as defenceless
as a cat toy.

I'll go with him.

I wanna make sure
it's in the ground for good.

Let's all do it.

Fine by me.

I found a spot.

This headstone's
from the early 1 900s.

Nobody will come digging
here anytime soon.

Piper, if you see anyone coming,

freeze them.

Don't worry, honey. It took Leo
and me three times to get married.

It'll happen for you and Cole.

We just need to figure out what kind
of evil stopped your wedding and why.

I have an idea.

Why don't we just ask it?

Oh, don't be crazy.

That Lazarus demon
is a time bomb waiting to explode.

No, I wanna know who ruined
the happiest day of my life.

Phoebe, I'm asking you please,
for me. Don't do this.

Cole, I can't believe
you don't wanna know.

One flinch, and I blow you
into briquettes.

Who resurrected you?

Ask him.

You swore I'd never see
a cemetery again if I helped you.

You set me up!

Cole, what is this demon
talking about?

I have no idea.

Liar! You ordered me
to attack them in the church.

Is this how you reward
your loyal servants?

Okay, Cole, what is going on?

Because I gotta tell you
right now, I am freaking out!

Oh, what's the point,
you already figured it out.

No, it can't be.

No. It can't be. No...

It's not. It's the Seer.

- Not for long.
- No, don't.

Where's Cole?

Unconscious in the mausoleum.

Why would you save us one day
and try to kill us the next?

For the same reason.

To keep the balance of power
between good and evil.

Don't be cryptic. I hate cryptic.

I had a vision.
If you married Cole on this day

his love would have helped you
evolve into a much stronger witch.

Too strong. I had to stop you.

And I did.

- Bitch!
- Cole...

Go, I'll bury the rest
of the demon.

Cole!

It was the Seer.
She's in the cemetery.

Yeah, we know. We had a little chat.

I'm surprised she didn't kill you.

That's not her style.
Killing's beneath her.

She only does it if she has to.

Come on, let's get you home.

You okay?

I still don't understand,
if the Seer wanted to stop Phoebe

from marrying you,
wouldn't she want to kill you?

I don't know,
you'd have to ask the Seer.

Look, a chapel.

- A chapel in a mausoleum?
- That's a first.

It's cute.

And perfect.

For what?

A wedding.

I couldn't agree more.

Really?

You've got the rings.

And we're all here.

Okay, I do. I mean...

I will. Let's go!

Not two but one...

...till life be gone.

You may kiss the bride.

We did it.

Yes, we did.

It is done.