Charmed (1998–2006): Season 3, Episode 17 - Pre-Witched - full transcript

See, we finally found a place
where we can be alone.

Yeah, this is perfect. Now all we
have to do is move all our stuff in here,

- and nobody will be able to bother us.
- Yeah.

I'm not looking at anything,
and I do not see anything.

No one's looking. No one's looking at
anything. I just need to get my gloss.

- Phoebe.
- I'm sorry.

Were you guys
in the middle of the...?

No, not yet. Phoebe,
would you just get out of here?

I found it. Okay, I'm going now.
Out of here, found the gloss.

Watch out for the...

I'm okay.



- Hey, you guys.
- Hey, Prue. Are you lost?

No, but my keys are.
Have you seen them?

No, have you seen the way out?

- I knocked, didn't I?
- But you didn't wait for an answer.

Oh, right. God, I'm really sorry.

Look at me. Look at me leaving.
I'm leaving.

Yes.

Well, we knew
what we were getting into.

So maybe it's time we get out of it.

What do you mean?

Okay.

Once upon a time,
before we were witchy women,

Prue and I shared this amazing
apartment in North Beach.

But then when Grams got sick,



we decided to move back
to the manor for a while.

And we gave up the apartment
to friends,

and your wife was smart enough
to keep in touch with them.

Should I be taking notes?

They're moving out.
They're moving out,

and they will give us first shot
at taking over the lease.

Well, are you sure we can?

Well, the rent's a little steep, but...

No, no, no. I mean, the bigger
"are you sure we can?"

You guys didn't get your powers
until you moved back in together.

There might be some supernatural
ramifications to living apart.

Okay, but what about the marital
ramifications to living together?

I mean, Leo, everything we do
is about navigating our charmed lives.

I mean, when do we get to concentrate
on our married life?

Maybe this apartment
falling into our laps is a sign.

A sign that it's time to move
out of the manor and in together.

What do you think the odds are
of pulling this off

before the next demon attacks?

Shadow.

You gave me a fright, little one.

You know better than
to interrupt me during ritual.

Now, go. Go. Go.

What on earth are you doing?

Shadow.

Don't do this. Please.

No!

What's the matter,
cat got your tongue?

Flakes.

- The Warriors.
- Pathetic defence.

- Somebody pass the...
- Yep. I got it.

- Hey, what time does the BART:?
- Every 15 minutes on a Saturday.

Oh, good. Mama needs
a new pair of shoes.

I know, limited funds. I will limit
my shopping to just window, I promise.

I will gladly trade somebody
for the opinion page.

Leo and I are moving.

Thinking of moving out of the manor.

Milk?

- Excuse me?
- Wait a minute. Life-altering plans

cannot be squeezed in
between "pass the newspaper"

- and "who ate the Special K?"
- Okay, look,

we all knew this would happen
sooner or later. It's just sooner.

Well, actually, it's later because
I've been married for weeks,

and we're living in a bedroom with the
wallpaper I picked out when I was 9.

Not to mention the bathroom sharing
and the family breakfasts.

And the whole saving the world
on a weekly basis thing.

I mean, Piper, we don't live here
just for sentimental value, all right.

We live here because
we're the strongest here.

Right, I know.
Leo, a little assist?

Well, there have been times when
you've handled things on your own.

I mean, without Piper.

Like when I went to Hawaii,

or when I went away with Leo,
and everything was fine.

Do I get to kick her first?

Everything was not fine, Piper.

All right, the charmed gig is all about
being a trio, all right. Without you...

Well, you'd still have her.
We wouldn't be moving far.

Just far enough so I could
have my own life, our own life.

We all knew this would happen.
I'm just the one that's saying it first.

We can't live together forever.

Right, and we also cannot
ignore the responsibility

that we inherited from our family.

Well, you guys have to try
and understand.

I have two families now.

Besides, wasn't it you, Miss Phoebe,

who moved to New York
three years ago?

Oh, no, no. That doesn't count.

That was before
the whole destiny thing kicked in.

We didn't get powers until
six months after Grams died.

Speaking of, what do you think
she would say

if she knew you were even
considering this?

Morons.
Why does that prepubescent

have to throw the paper
in the shrubbery?

Roger seems to have forgotten
an entire forest of his family tree.

So now the head count for
the ceremony is up to 180. I know...

Grams.

The doctor was very clear
when he said no caffeine.

Here. Have some nice tea.

No, that would just be my sister yelling.
It'll be a lot easier when I move out.

Grams, where's the paper?

Can I call you back? Thank you.

You know, I'm so glad to have the two
of you in the same place. It's a rarity.

Oh, listen. Do me a favour.

I just treated myself and bought...
Ta-da.

A great new camera even though it's
last year's model. What is it, a '96?

Well, I'd just like to get
a picture of, you know...

Did you say you were moving out?

Yes, I did. We can't all live here
with Grams forever.

Yeah, maybe just a couple
of quick shots, you know, candids.

When was this decided?

Oh, I don't know.
Probably when I was proposed to.

Maybe later.

- Grams.
- Please sit down.

You only just got back
from the hospital.

Okay, I'll take it easy.

After I get that.

But...

Oh, you guys all didn't have to get
out of bed for little old me.

- Mrs. Halliwell?
- Can I hear what she did first

- before I answer that?
- She was caught shoplifting.

Oh, that is so not true. I just
forgot to pay for them, Grams.

The store's not even pressing charges.

- Phoebe.
- Please don't sound so disappointed.

Look, you're always talking about how
we should spend more time together,

and, well, here we all are.

Okay, that was really fun.

Phoebe,
what is the matter with you?

How can you behave so recklessly?

What about your destiny?

Your... Your future.

Well, maybe my future plans

don't match up to the ones
that you've mapped out.

We're gonna need to take back
those shoes that you...

Forgot to pay for?

Right.

They're just out of my price range.

- But they're...
- Perfect. I know.

And I'm sure all these
will be perfect too.

Okay, I'm weak.
Can you show me this one too?

- Or not.
- Those are so last season.

Whoa. Down, boy.

Whoa, who did you steal
that power from?

That's for me to know
and you to find...

I hear spikes are making
a comeback.

I think we got too many boxes.

No, we didn't.

You only live on this plane part-time,

and there is no way we need
all these boxes just for me.

Yes, we do.

Are you saying
I have too much stuff?

Yes, I am.

You do realize the only reason
I'm letting you get away with that

is because you're the only one
on my team right now.

Yes, I do. They just need some time
to get used to the idea.

Well, moving out
is a big deal for me too.

I could use some support right now.

Leo, help.

Piper.

What am I supposed
to do with this?

No, no. Way too messy. Too violent.

You okay?

I'm fine. Whatever.

Okay, girls. Now, if you could
just move a little closer, okay?

Phoebe, turn to me. I want to
be able to get your good side.

I don't think she has one
today, Grams.

Can we please get this over with?

- Why, you got plans?
- Prue, all I'm getting is shoulder.

With anyone that I know?

I'm sure lying beneath
all this sarcasm, there is a point.

And if it has anything
to do with Roger...

Well, he said that you
called him yesterday.

Looking for you.
Prue, I'm not gonna defend myself

- when I didn't do anything wrong.
- Really?

Trying to be nice to him,

considering he's gonna be
part of this family soon.

You know, which I'm not even sure
I wanna be part of this family.

The sun is shifting. Could you
move down a step, please?

And why would I waste my time
on a wimp who's got mother issues?

I don't know, but why should
I believe anything you say?

You don't know the difference
between what belongs to you

and what belongs to,
oh, let's say, Macy's.

Alrighty then. Are we done?

- Grams.
- Grams.

Okay, okay. Take shallow breaths.

Should I call the doctor?

No doctor.

Just a picture.

Is it too much for an old lady
to ask her granddaughters

to retract their claws, stand still

and look at me long enough
to take one lousy picture?

Hi. What happened
to the "window" in your shopping?

Turns out these are a write-off.

Who knew Prada's spring line
could be used to fight evil?

- I killed a...
- Warlock.

Appeared out of nowhere,
had to kill him.

- Wait, you too?
- Me three.

Warlock attacked me in the attic.

- Did we miss a convention?
- Well, if so, I got the runt.

Bad teeth, funky clothes
and way too easy to kill.

- Black hair?
- Bad breath?

- You know him?
- I think I killed him.

Care to try again?

- Okay, so that does it.
- Again.

Okay, does anyone else think that
was weird, like he wasn't even trying?

Almost as if he wasn't
even interested.

- What do you think he was up to?
- Or is up to.

- How do we know he's really gone?
- We don't.

But we all have vanquished
him once today.

- And?
- Well, what if he can't be vanquished?

I've been working on a vanquish
All the live long...

Whoa.

- Okay.
- Thanks, Grams.

It's so weird that we listen to her
more now than when she was alive.

How to perform a séance,
a ceremony to contact the dead.

But the guy we're dealing with
won't die, so that's not gonna help.

Yeah, I don't know. Grams
must be very, very, very confused.

Very testy also.

Okay, we're gonna need six candles,
white and purple,

some burning cinnamon,
frankincense and sandalwood.

Piper, you wanna grab
the white cloth?

You know, this trunk would go great
at the foot of our bed.

Yeah, and my foot would
look great on your butt.

You are so not taking that, okay?
It holds all of our ritual stuff.

I just want things to remember
this place by.

How about this?

Something to bring a piece
of Grams to my place.

Okay, sweetie. Hey, can we try
and contact the dead now, please?

Beloved unknown spirit
We seek your guidance

We ask you to commune with us
And move among us

Beloved unknown spirit
We seek your guidance

We ask that you commune with us...

- Forgive me, but why...?
- We don't know.

But we were told
in a roundabout sort of way

that you might be able to help us.

Are you witches?

You're the three sister witches,
the Charmed Ones, aren't you?

- And you're a witch too?
- l...

I was.

I'm sorry. This is so new.

I haven't exactly figured it all out yet.

We think that we're up against
some evil that can't be killed.

We've nixed him four times, but...

And since you're the only one
that answered our call...

The spirits must think I know
who you're up against.

Right.

You say you've killed him
four times?

Yeah, and it's like he just keeps on
coming back for more. It's like he...

Wants to die.

Do you know who he is?

He was my familiar,

a feline I called Shadow.

He's a warlock now, what a familiar
becomes when he betrays his witch.

That must be why we can't kill him,
the whole nine lives thing.

So if we kill him five more times
he should be gonzo, right?

No, that's exactly what you can't do.

You see, once a familiar
becomes a warlock,

it has until the next new moon
to purge itself of its old life.

If it succeeds, it becomes immortal.

If it fails, it returns to its
animal state for eternity.

Shadow was a cat. So it has to
shed all nine of its familiar lives.

So why bother us? Why not
jump in front of nine buses?

Because we're the only ones
strong enough to kill him.

And he knew where to find us.

What are we, like, in the Warlock's
Guide to San Francisco?

Okay, so this should be
a piece of cake.

All we have to do is make sure we
don't kill this guy five more times

- before the next new moon.
- That's two days. No problem.

I'm sorry, this just seems so callous.

I mean, you just lost your life,
and we're treating you like 411.

It's okay. I just...

I am at peace now.

But the ones I loved...

When someone is taken
from you suddenly,

there are no goodbyes.

Something we're
all too familiar with.

At its core, evil exists for one reason,

to spread loss.

Be careful not to lose each other.

Take care, and blessed be.

Damn wind keeps
blowing out my candles.

I'm sorry, Patty, I got cut off.

Oh, now...

It's just what troubles me
about your daughters

is not where they came from,
it's where they're going.

It's just a phase.

When their destiny is revealed,
they'll come together.

But what if they don't?
What if they never do?

And what if the gift is too much
for them to handle, and they?

Well, regardless,

I fear there may be only one option

if I can't find a way
to bring these girls together.

Mother, that's nonsense.

Perhaps.

Good night, my darling.

Hey, who turned out the lights?

What happened?

I think I killed the warlock again.

- Oh, Phoebe.
- Phoebe.

Well, I didn't mean to.
It was a gut reaction.

You know, self-preservation
and stuff.

You know, I've been thinking.

I'm pretty sure he won't
actually hurt us.

I mean, he needs us. So let's just say
that he knocks one of us off.

The power of three would be broken,

and we wouldn't have
the strength to kill him.

And then he takes
a permanent catnap.

But we're assuming that he's
smart enough to know this.

I mean, what if he isn't?
You know, what if he doesn't know

that he shouldn't kill us, and we
sit there and watch it happen?

Yeah, but what other choice
do we have?

I mean, we kill him
four more times, he wins,

becomes more powerful than we
can handle. Either way, we lose.

I vote for not losing at all.

Wow.

Yeah, sorry. I'll get all this stuff
out of the way soon as...

You're gonna really do this, huh?

Yeah.

You know, we have lived apart
before.

Our lives were apart.
Piper, it's different now.

I just think that we need
to talk this through.

That way we all know exactly what
the consequences are for all of us.

Saved by the meow.
You know, I don't think

I'm ever gonna be able to look
at Kit quite in the same way

or get undressed in front of him
for that matter.

You guys are right.
We should talk this through.

Oh, why does this stupid cat
keep hanging around?

Who do you belong to?

Go home.

- What did you wanna talk about?
- Oh, let's just go for a walk.

Hi, kitty.

So there's just a little detail
about the wedding

that hasn't been worked out yet.
Just listen to me, okay?

I want you to be my maid of honour.

Me?

I mean, it's not like I would
actually ask Phoebe.

So I win by default? Wow, Prue,
you really know how to flatter a girl.

Piper, can you just give me
the tiniest of breaks here, okay?

This is not how I ever thought that
this whole thing would happen, okay?

My God, I would love for both
of my sisters to be my best friend,

but clearly that is not the case. I mean,
maybe one day things will change but...

It's gonna take more than time.
I mean, I'm happy for you. I am.

And I know you have all these big
plans, but what about the rest of us?

I mean, you move in with Roger,

and then I'm stuck here alone
taking care of Grams,

and Phoebe's out of control.
What if...?

What if there's an emergency?
What if something happens?

Okay, I won't be far away.

It's not like you won't
be able to get a hold of me.

I just think we should
talk this through

so we know what
the consequences are.

Okay, look, maybe
a part of me is jealous

because, you know,
you've got this great guy

and you're gonna have
this beautiful wedding.

And I'm just not very good
with guys.

Sometimes I think
I'll never find true love.

- Piper, that...
- But... Oh, sorry.

No, it's my fault. Sorry.

You know, just because I'm moving
out doesn't mean we still can't do this.

What, mainline caffeine while
waxing on warlock issues?

No, hang out.

You know, I don't wanna be
one of those old married lepers

that nobody thinks is fun anymore.

- You've never been fun, Piper.
- I've always been fun, Prue.

- I am just Mrs. Fun now.
- Oh, Mrs. Fun.

You know, the life changes
from the move will work itself out.

It's the supernatural ones
that we're concerned about.

But we get attacked
separately all the time,

like yesterday, and we just came
together and sorted it out then.

You know, you girls are getting
harder and harder to find.

I was beginning to think
you were trying to avoid me.

Wow, you've been thinking.
That's a pretty big step for a warlock.

God, I am so sorry. That was awfully
catty of me, wasn't it?

Is this the part where I'm
supposed to go:

"Oh, they did research,"
and run away?

- Might be a good idea.
- Or what,

- you'll kill me?
- No.

Actually, we'll do worse.
We won't touch you.

Look at that. The witches think
they have this one figured out.

Well, let me tell you all something.

Don't dance
if you don't know the steps.

Oh, my God.

Call 911.

That girl. There's just no reason.

I got used to there being a reason,
you know, an explanation,

- but she didn't even...
- Stand a chance.

But there was a reason, Pheebs.
He was sending a message.

Yeah, and we got it loud and clear.

But there's nothing we can do
that we haven't already done.

So, what, he just keeps killing
until we kill him?

Which is exactly what he wants.

It's exactly what we can't do.

Is that a potion?

I wouldn't know where to begin.

Just keeping my hands busy.

It's something Grams taught me,
actually, to improvise.

But all I've come up with is mud.

So how do we kill a warlock who
we know we shouldn't be killing?

Well, we've only got three more
chances to figure that out.

I am going to finish the brownies,
and don't even try and stop me.

Well, I'm afraid Prue has beaten
you to it, but I've got a backup.

What do you say we whip up
your favourite

double chocolate decadence cake?

Isn't "decadence" French
for "don't even think about it"?

- What are you making?
- Oh, just keeping my hands busy.

Oh, Phoebe,

Piper and I were just thinking
of whipping up something

we'll regret tomorrow.
Care to join us?

- Where are you headed?
- Out.

On second thought,
do you need a hand?

Yeah.

- What?
- How do you know what to add?

Well, you needed to balance
the mustard seed,

which can be kind of harsh, and the
sea salt brings out the flavour of the...

- Grams.
- Piper,

you were born for this, literally.

Why do you insist
on wasting your talents

behind some counter at a bank?

Because my talents don't come
with health benefits, Grams.

Prue's getting married,
and Phoebe's, well, Phoebe.

You know, somebody
has to be practical.

Not at the expense of her dreams.

No, at the expense
of losing this house

and not being able to pay
your hospital bills.

I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you.

You could never do that.

I'm just doing what I have to.

It's okay.

So am I.

My sweet girls.

You're just not ready.

I've got to stop you from becoming...

The Charmed Ones.

What does a fellow have to do
to get killed around here?

Not gonna happen.

I could sever a head.
Only take a second.

Don't even think about it.

Wait a minute. That's it. I'll just
keep freezing him until midnight.

A new moon means
bye-bye bad guy, right?

Oh, I'm just going to keep
getting better and better at this.

Oh, it was a thought.

Come on, time's wasting.

You know I'm just going
to keep on killing.

And the next one won't go so fast.

The next one I'll savour.

You telling me all you're gonna do
is stand back and watch?

How many more people have to die
before you do what I ask?

None.

- I'm sorry. I...
- Had to.

I would've done it first,
but you beat me to it.

All right, well, he's only got
two more lives left.

And we've only got one option.

But we already looked in the Book.

We look again.
No more pussyfooting around.

Why now, Mother?

We both know why.
We're just not willing to say it.

- Please don't.
- I'm not well, Patty.

- When I die...
- Mother.

When I die, the girls
will receive their powers.

I have to stop that from happening.

But it's their destiny.
It's what they're meant to be.

Who are we to decide that
they're meant to be witches?

Who are we to decide
that they're not?

This isn't your choice to make.

But the girls are mine to protect.

- Mom, are you all right?
- I'm fine.

Don't change the subject.

Patty, they're not ready.

Do you really want me to put them
directly in harm's way?

Good night.

It's now or never.

Grams. Grams.

- Prue, Phoebe, somebody, help!
- Oh, my God.

Grams.

Oh, God.

Well, that's number eight.

- One life to live.
- I know life isn't fair, but this sucks.

I know, he left a stain.
But I think with a little water and...

No. Death isn't brief,
it's permanent,

and this guy gets to cheat it
not once but nine times.

Yeah, cheaters
aren't supposed to prosper.

You know, if he had any idea what
death was really like, the real thing,

not the abridged version,

he wouldn't be so hot
under the collar to do it again.

What if we showed him?

- What do you mean?
- Well, every time he dies,

- he feels pain, right?
- Yeah, but only for a second.

But what if somehow we could
catch him in that second,

on the instant of death in that one
moment where he actually feels pain,

and then magnify it nine times?

Then he would feel the pain
of nine deaths,

and it actually might
be enough to kill him.

- I like it.
- Well, we only have got one shot.

Any other ideas? Let's do it.

Hey.

Hey.

You okay?

I'm...

I'm not, really.

I don't know how we're supposed
to deal with this, Prue.

I mean, it's not just losing her.

It's the funeral arrangements
and the doctors and the lawyers.

And there's nobody left to help us.

For what it's worth,

the service today, Piper,
was really beautiful.

She would've liked what you said.

Thanks.

I know that this is
gonna sound strange,

but do you think that she heard?

I think she did.

Come on.

I'd still like to know
what she was doing up there.

Up where?

Piper thinks that Grams was up
in the attic before she died.

That's not possible.

She always told us
that the attic was sealed off.

Yeah, well, then what was she doing
coming down those stairs?

I think the more important question is

what are we doing?

What do you mean?

I mean, precisely what Grams was
always concerned about, our future.

The only reason we're all still here,
still together is because of her.

And now, Prue, you've already got
one foot out the door,

and, Piper, you don't wanna bunk
with me any longer than you have to.

So let's just face it.

She was the glue.

Why don't we talk about this
over dinner.

I'll make one of Grams'
favourite meals.

She always liked the idea
of me being in the kitchen.

Actually, I'm sort of supposed
to spend the night with Roger.

What about you, Pheebs,
table for two?

Actually, I was thinking
about getting out of here.

Are you going out?

No.

Going away.

I...

I'm not sure what my future holds,

but I do know it's not
in San Francisco.

- Phoebe, you don't have to...
- It's okay.

We all know that the only thing that I
contribute to this threesome is trouble,

so I'm gonna go and see
what New York thinks of me.

Whatever my destiny may be,

I might find it there.

Phoebe, what about school?

Well, school will still be there
if I come back.

Grams always said
that we all had a purpose.

So maybe we'll have an easier time
finding it on our own.

I guess I'm gonna...

Yeah.

Okay.

- Spell?
- Check.

- Potion?
- Check.

- Sharp, painful implement?
- Check.

- Oh, nice choice.
- Thank you.

So, what is our level of confidence
in this plan?

Well, on a scale of one to ten,
ten being we whoop ass,

one being he laughs at us
while we're on fire and naked...

Maybe you should lie to me.

Hello, ladies.

I love the smell of defeated witch
in the evening.

Yeah, can we just get this
over with, please?

Oh, it's fine when
you want to have coffee.

But when I want to exchange
pleasantries,

you're in a hurry to kill me.

- Where are your manners?
- We lost them

when that girl lost her life.

And whose fault is that?

Wait a minute.
Do you think I'm an idiot?

You've got something up your sleeve.

Hello, sleeveless.

You know the moment
that I gain immortality

I'm coming back here
to mangle your pretty little faces.

Do you wanna die or not?

- Do it.
- Alrighty then.

Ready?

Now.

Nine times this evil's cheated death
Felt no pain and kept its breath

This warlock standing in our midst
Let him feel what he has missed

No!

No!

Okay, was that for good?

Well, if it wasn't,
he's really gonna miss his ear

because it looks like part of it's
dripping off the clock.

Ninth time is the charm.

That was definitely different.
He's gone for good.

And yet somehow we're still here,
still together.

Not for long.

Is there anything special you
wanna do on your last night here?

Well, I don't know.

I guess, can I just have
a couple minutes alone?

Yeah, we'll be upstairs if you,
you know...

- Everything okay?
- Am I that obvious?

No, I'm just incredibly perceptive.

You wanna pull up a tailgate?

Something just doesn't feel right.

I mean, I know this step has
to happen, and I want it to happen.

It's just that...

When Prue, Phoebe and I
moved back in together,

it made us sisters again.

And I don't think we're ready
to test that yet.

And then there's this.

I think we both know what those
ingredients would do to us.

And the fact that Grams was willing
to keep us from being witches

to keep us together,

well, that should mean
something, shouldn't it?

You gonna hate me?

Not if we can hire movers
to move everything back in.

Hey, can we talk to you
for a second? It's kind of important.

Sure. Everything okay?

Yeah, it's just...

Well, we're more than excited that
you and Leo decided to move back in.

We sort of have to ask you
to move back out again.

Of your room

and into mine.

I mean, it is twice as big, and
you now are twice the people.

- Really?
- Really.

That would be great.
That would be so amazing.

- That would be so great. Thank you.
- Hey, you know what?

I deserve hugs too

because I'm moving all of my stuff
out of your bathroom

- so you and Leo could do, you know...
- That would be really great.

- Yeah.
- It'll be just like having your own place.

Yeah, only with your sisters
right down the hall.

Yeah, I mean, I know that we
can't be together forever.

But it feels good
that forever isn't today.