Charmed (1998–2006): Season 2, Episode 22 - Be Careful What You Witch For - full transcript

The Council will remind you
of the heavy losses

emanating from this San Francisco.

From what we have learned,

all of the witches there
have been charmed.

I descend from a long
line of Dragon warlocks.

When my father died,
he left me two things:

The power of flight,

and the passionate hatred
for those who killed him, witches.

And I will not rest until
I put all witches to rest.

The Council is intrigued.

However, all who have used force
on these witches before have failed.



There is another way.

A genie? You can't be serious.

Tell them what you told me.

Well, actually, that was kind of a
just-between-you-and-me thing.

- Tell it!
- All right.

Well, personally, I think
that the best way to destroy witches

is not to treat them
like witches at all.

You treat them like humans.

Most of your evildoers,
naughty types,

think it's best to deprive
humans of what they desire.

No. You want to get them,
you give them exactly what they desire.

You grant them their wishes,
it'll lead to their undoing.

We don't know that. He's a genie!

If Council agrees,
how do we proceed?



Well, just make sure that the bottle
cross paths with the witches

and let El Genie Grande
take it from there.

With all due respect,
genies only work for themselves.

If he grants them three wishes,
he goes free.

How do you know
that he won't betray you?

Remember, getting your freedom
does not make you free from us.

As long as you are a genie,
we can find you anytime.

Anywhere.

Check my to-do list.

It says "bank, dry cleaners,
pedicure."

Nowhere on the list
does it say "kick-box a beast."

Just walking along, minding my
own business, and wham!

It was like a random attack.
A demonic drive-by.

Nothing in our lives
is random anymore.

You know, we keep saying that,
but what does it really mean?

Is there some kind
of cosmic order to all this?

Are we on some kind of list? And if so,
how many points are we worth?

- Phoebe...
- What?

We've had a great year.
We've wiped out a ton of nasties.

I just want to know if we've tripped
some supernatural alarm or anything.

And are we ever gonna
learn what it really means?

Well, not to sound
all whitelightery,

but everything happens
in its own time.

You know, you can't rush
what's to be.

Okay, how about what already is?
Dan is back in town.

- So?
- So, what am I gonna tell him?

The last time I saw him,

he handed me proof
that you were killed in 1942.

He's gonna expect
a reaction from me.

How about, "Hey, Dan, you're right.
I am a necrophiliac."

Phoebe.

Why does everyone always
"Phoebe" me?

- Hey.
- Where are you off to?

- Lunch date with Dick.
- Dull Dick?

Prue, you are too hot
to have to duty date.

Yeah, well, all demon-hunting
and no play

has made me a lot less picky.

I gotta figure out a way to put
some more balance in my life.

Yeah, but you don't need Dick.

What I mean is, you should be excited
to see the guy you're dating.

You look like you're off
to the Inquisition.

It's not that bad.

Okay, I have to go open the club.

Are you gonna be all right, Pheebs?

Yes, and I think I'm... Thanks, Leo.

I'm gonna take a walk
and try to loosen up my ankle.

What is that?

- I don't know.
- Somebody got a secret admirer?

It's so dusty. Who would send us
something so dusty?

Your wish is my command.

I don't get it.

You've been stuck in
that bottle for 200 years,

someone finally sends you to us,

and you have no idea
who licked the stamp?

I kind of find that hard to believe.

What, and a genie man standing
in our living room, wearing that,

offering to grant us
each a wish isn't?

Well, I don't get it.

You win the lotto
and you're asking for explanations?

Actually we'd just like to know
who to send the thank-you note to.

All I know is that you rubbed!

And now I serve.

Look at that.

Snacks.

What I wouldn't give
to taste food just once.

Smell it even.

I don't trust him.
Genies are tricksters by nature.

They can and will do anything
just to be freed.

What are you, the butler? Come on!

Everybody's got wishes.

I mean, most people spend
their entire lives

with their wishes never coming true.
Here's your chance.

No way is this legit.

Oh, you don't think so?
Well, I'll tell you what is.

I stay until I grant three wishes.
One from each of you.

Those are the rules.
No wishes, permanent houseguest.

And I snore. I make phone calls
I can't even pay for.

You think I'm gonna be putting the
CDs back in the right case? No.

All right, talk amongst yourselves.

I'll be over here, all right?

I have a hunch that I'm going
to be here for a while.

This is a nice house.

He's enjoying this.

All right, Leo, what else
do you know about genies?

Well, one good thing is
they're not evil by nature.

I mean, they can't harm you
unless you wish for something.

Well, I mean, what is so dangerous
about a wish?

Well, with genies, there's always
a catch, an unseen consequence.

For example,
say a man wishes for a car.

The next day, his dad will die,
and he'll inherit a car.

So as long as we don't wish...?

You're free and clear.

Clear enough to make a lunch date?

If what Leo says goes,
you two go on ahead.

Leave the genie with the cripple.
I'm not really in a wishing mood.

Thank you, gimp.

- You sure?
- Yeah. I'll look through the Book

and see if we could UPS him
back to where he came from.

All right.

So, what's it gonna be, master?

So have you been here before?

It's close to the office.
I don't like to take long lunches.

What's good?

The Caesar's fine.

The pasta's fine.
The fish is fine.

- Steak is...
- Fine.

Yeah, actually.
How'd you know?

Wild guess.

What have I gotten myself into?

Hey, Dick.

Don't you just love butter?

Creamy goodness.
To your health.

Dick, are you...?

Sick and tired of trying
to pass myself off

as even being halfway worthy
of dating you? You betcha!

Look, you and I both know
I'm dull as mud.

I can't help it. I know who I am.

I know I'm not the guy
you're looking for.

I...

The question is,
what are you looking for?

I mean, come on.

How do we make it to date three
when you really know I'm not the guy?

It's...

I don't know.

You know, I mean,
at this point, I just...

...feel like dating is kind of a job,
you know.

I mean, you get numb, but you feel like
it's your duty to stay out there.

I just want to feel excited
by love again.

I wish it was like it was the first time.

Your wish, my command.

Hi. How about great fortune?
You want that?

- After taxes, not worth it.
- No?

- Land? Power? Beauty?
- Nope.

- Okay, who am I kidding.
- Why are you not in this book?

Because the only way to get rid of me
is to make three wishes.

Come on! Large or small.
I do all kinds.

Only no world peace. I can't do that.

The fine print of wishing.
Your job has its limitations.

Yeah, well, so does yours.

Occupational hazard.

Doesn't have to be.

You could wish to be
as powerful as you want.

Nope. Nope.
I am not interested in that.

Oh, "not interested."
Not interested in absolute power.

You're a rocket scientist.

I mean, poor Dan.

It would just be so much easier
if I could be honest with him.

But other than saying,
"Leo is a whitelighter,"

what am I gonna tell him?

Well, what more does
he need to know?

Well, maybe it's about
what I need to know.

I mean, you've been watching me
my whole life,

and I don't even know
where you spend yours.

If there's anything
you want to know...

It's not exactly about knowing,
it's more about experiencing,

and experiencing it with you.

I mean, I have no idea where you go
when you orb out.

Do you have a house?
Friends? A CD player?

It's not really like that.

- Dan.
- You've got to be kidding me.

Wait.

I think it's time we talked.

I don't think there's anything
to talk about, Piper.

It's your life.

Leo, can you give us
a second, please?

Yeah, yeah.

What do you expect from me?
I'd really like to know.

At this point, I don't know what
to expect from you.

I mean, how can you be with this guy
after everything I found out about him?

He's a fraud.

Dan, I know who Leo is.
I always have.

What?

It's not that I don't appreciate
everything you...

Wait. I've spent all this time
worrying about you,

worrying about who he is...

...and you've known all along?

Well, it's...

It's very complicated.

Complicated?

Complicated.

He's right, he deserves to know.

But what am I gonna tell him?
What am I gonna do?

I wish there was somehow
he could just move on with his life.

Your wish, my command.

Do not do that!

Is that a wish?

No, it is not a wish!

So figure out how
to get rid of me yet?

Yeah, I have to get you
back in the bottle.

I have no idea how to do that,
but I will figure it out.

Well, wish it and it will be so.

Otherwise, your only shot
is if I volunteer to leave willingly,

and, news flash,
that's not gonna happen.

I'm sorry.

Look, could you stop
trying to banish me

just long enough for me to try
a little something on you?

It's wish-free.

All right.

- Where did you learn how to do that?
- Little something a sultan taught me.

Just out of curiosity,
what would you wish for yourself?

I mean, you must have
heard them all, right?

So, what would be your wish?

Well, I mean, that's easy.

I'd wish for the little things, you know.
Things people take for granted.

I mean, the feeling of a suntan.

Taste of ice cream,
preferably chocolate.

Sex. That looks like that
could be a little bit of fun.

I don't know, to be human.

Yeah. That's what I'd wish for.

So, what did you do
to yourself here?

I was demon-duelling, and one of
my kicks was a little off-centre.

So did you finish them off
with your scary witchy power?

No, that is my power.

- That's it?
- That and premonitions.

You're a witch with no real powers?

I mean, no, you know,
premonitions, those are:

- Those are great, but...
- I know. I know.

I mean, I would love an active power,
but what can you do?

You've just done it!

And I know exactly where to get one.

- Was that a...?
- A wish? Yeah.

Yeah, it was.

And that's three, and I'm free.

- Three? That wasn't even one.
- That's three, I'm gone. Yeah.

Okay, if you're free,
then where's my power?

Hello? Genie.

I'll be right back.

Well, thank you very much
for your time, I appreciate it.

- Good luck.
- All right.

What's going on?

I got a job offer in Portland.

I just thought I'd take it.

Just like that?

I just think it's time that
I move on with my life, don't you?

Look, I really gotta go.

Right.

- Something's not right.
- But it's probably for the best.

No, something he said
when I asked...

Hey! Piper, check it out!

Okay, so the valet guy said that this
cool ride is mine, can you believe it?

Who's the cute boy?

Prue?

Hey, are you okay?

I mean, don't take this the wrong way,
but you're looking kind of old.

Yeah, and you're back in braces.

Help! Is anyone home?

- Prue! Piper!
- Phoebe!

I'm up here.

I can't get down.

I don't know how I got up.

- Gently.
- I gotcha.

- Thank you, Leo.
- No problem.

That is so totally cool.

So do I get that power
when I get old too?

All right, let's get something straight.
We are not old,

we are just older than you are
right now, for some reason.

Wait a minute.
Exactly how old are you?

- Seventeen.
- Seventeen?

Prue was a nightmare
at that age.

- Why would she wish for that?
- She probably didn't.

She probably wished for something
she could only get by being 17.

Which explains why she has
no memory of being older.

But how is that even possible?
I mean, it's so we...

Okay.

All right, maybe you should
just keep your arms down

- till you learn to work the controls.
- Got it. Good idea.

You sure you don't remember anything
about witches, genies, Dick?

No, but it sounds totally bitchen.

- This is such a cool book, what is it?
- I'll tell you when you're older.

Let go of it. Stop it! Stop it!

You know, you guys
have another problem.

At 17, Prue didn't have her powers yet.
Makes you guys more vulnerable.

Yeah, especially if whoever sent
the genie is a demon or something.

Where's my power? I want it back!

- Who is that?
- A demon or something.

You stay here.

- Come here!
- You stay.

Remember what I told you about
wishes and the strings attached?

That genie gave you a power,
but he must have stolen it from him.

- Are we thinking demon or warlock?
- I don't know.

Oh, my God! Who's the hottie?

Oh, my God.
Get her out of here, now!

- Go!
- Piper!

Okay. Okay.

- Okay. All right.
- Easy, easy.

Okay, now what?

Well, we can't vanquish him
if we don't know what he is.

So why don't I just fly him out of here
and dump him somewhere?

I don't know, can you do that?

I have no idea,
but I could try to do that.

I mean, I've always wanted
an active power, right?

So let's see what I can do.

- All right.
- All right.

Phoebe?

Your new little sister's in the bedroom
checking out the clothes.

Nice to see some things
never change.

I think I found our fire-breather.

- Guys! Hello!
- A Dragon warlock.

Most feared witch-killer there is.

He can fly, breathe fire,
has supernatural strength.

You're gonna need the power of three
to vanquish him.

Which we don't have right now.

If I ever find that genie again,
I'm gonna wish him into oblivion.

- Did you hear that?
- Hear what?

Oh, my God. Are you all right?

- I'm great.
- All right, okay. All right.

Flying's awesome.
It's the landing part that's a bitch.

Yeah.

All right, Leo. How do we fix this?

I know how to fix it.

According to the Book, we gotta
get the genie back in the bottle.

It's the only way to undo the wishes
and make everything normal.

First, we gotta find him,
and we don't know where to start.

Well, he's really got a thing for food.

Maybe he went back to that caf?
where he found Prue.

It's worth a try.

This guy's not a genie, he's a pig.

Hi.

Want to know what
I'm wishing for now?

Look, you're probably
a little bit upset, huh?

No, I've moved past upset
and right to pissed off!

You tricked us,

and now there's a warlock
trying to turn us into witch kabobs.

Warlock? What warlock?

A Dragon warlock. The one you stole
the flying power from?

- You remember him?
- He came already?

Wait a second. How did he know
where to look for you?

- I don't know, you tell us.
- Well, I didn't tell him.

Look, he probably just tracked it
somehow, that's all.

I don't know.
We're not partners.

I got this gig on my own.

Wait, "gig"?

So somebody did send you.
Who was it?

Well, you see, that's part of
the whole genie-client privilege thing.

I couldn't possibly tell.
Yeah, plus, that and they'll kill me.

They're gonna have to wait in line.
Let's go, put that down.

All right, just one more.
That chocolate's so good.

- Put that down.
- You know, you are a real killjoy.

You know what? You're going
right back in that bottle, buddy.

What happened? Where did he go?

I thought you said freed genies
don't have powers.

They don't. Somebody who does
must have wanted him, badly.

It has come to our attention
that you violated our pact.

Your accuser will speak.

He used the Halliwell wishes,
not to destroy them,

but to free himself from his bottle.

What do you say to this charge?

It was all part of the master plan,
all right?

And those witches
would be dead right now

if Puff over here hadn't
screwed everything up.

Screwed everything up?

You stole a power from me.

Borrowed, okay?
The term is "borrowed."

And I knew that it would
piss you off so bad

that you would be
that much more motivated

to get out there
and kill you some witches, right?

But your plan failed.

The Dragon's attack was thwarted.

Look, you don't go after
the witches with power.

You go after the one without.

Cool.

Hello?

When I first got the call,
I naturally dismissed it as a crank,

until I realized it was the deputy mayor
on the other end.

Okay, Darryl, can you speed this up,
because I'm kind of busy right now.

What, flying?

Now, see, I've learned to interpret
those pauses as admission.

- What did he see?
- Actually it was his wife.

Who swore she saw a brown-haired
woman fly over the house earlier.

Without a plane.

- How about a broomstick?
- Phoebe, this isn't funny.

Just the fact that a call like that
got routed to me

gives you some idea of
the pressure that I'm under here.

- Phoebe?
- In here!

Okay, Darryl, I'm really sorry, okay?
It won't happen again. I gotta go. Bye.

- You didn't find the genie?
- We did, but then we lost him.

Where's Prue?

Upstairs, reminding me
what a pain she was at 17.

Now you know why she was
lucky to make it to 18.

- Why? What do you mean?
- Well, you remember better than I do.

It was Prue's rebellious stage.

She thought everything bad
was good,

especially the guy she thought
she was in love with.

- Until he attacked her.
- What?

And Grams went crazy
when she found out.

Come to think of it, that guy
disappeared not too long after that.

You don't supposed Grams...?

I'll get it. You go watch Prue.

Can I help you?

Piper, why the hell is
this happening to me?

Prue snuck out of her window.
We have to go find her.

Phoebe, that's Dan.

How about a lift?

- She's not answering.
- Well, maybe she doesn't know how.

Were there even cell phones
ten years ago?

She knows what a ringing phone
sounds like, doesn't she?

Maybe I should fly around
and see if I could spot her car.

You'll never be able to find it.
You have a hard enough time

controlling the power in the daytime,
let alone at night.

Why can't I get a premonition
when I want to?

If I had one wish right now,
that's what it would be.

At least your wish isn't hurting anyone.
Look what mine did.

It's not your fault.

How can it not be?

Dan is aging because I wished
for him to move on with his life.

He would be fine if it wasn't for me.

It's not fair, he doesn't deserve this.

It's bad enough the wishes are
biting us in the ass, but not him.

This shouldn't be happening to him.

We have to find the genie.
It's the only way to save Dan.

And Prue.

So, what, you don't have a name?

Well, I go by a lot of names.

Depends where I am.

So why are my sisters
scared of you?

Why did you come
to our house tonight?

Because they have something
that I want.

Something that's mine.

Are you scared of me?

No.

Okay.

God, it's ringing again.
How do you turn it off?

Hey, easy.

Okay. Hey, hey, easy.

Easy!

Are you scared of me now?

It won't be too long before she calls
her sisters to come and rescue her.

It's the perfect trap.

You didn't hurt her, did you?

Because I thought I heard screams.

You've spent too much time
with humans already.

Developing a conscience.

You want your freedom,
you do exactly as I say.

- You understand?
- Absolutely.

Dan, I'm so sorry.

I don't understand.

This is gonna be hard
for me to explain,

and even harder for you to believe.

We're witches.

Prue, Phoebe and myself.

And not your everyday
kind of witches.

We have supernatural powers
that we use to fight off...

...demons and warlocks.

You know, all the family emergencies
that I used to have.

I never told you before because I didn't
want you to be hurt because of it.

I didn't want something like this
to happen to you.

And I'm the same Leo Wyatt
that died in 1942.

I'm a whitelighter,
a guardian angel for witches.

Yeah, right.

Piper!

I just had a premonition.
I have no idea what it means.

- Hello?
- Oh, my God. Piper.

Thank God. You have to help me.

- Prue?
- Where is she?

Piper, he's trying to kill me. Dragon.

He's trying to kill me,
and I don't think he's human.

Okay, calm down.

- Where is he now?
- I don't know.

I think he's following me.
You have to come quick!

Okay. Prue, where are you?

Golden Gate Park.

Okay, listen to me.

Go to the lake where Dad used to
take us fishing, remember?

And hide under the bridge
until we get there, okay?

I think he's coming!

Prue? Prue!

- What?
- Dragon's after her.

Well, it's a trap.
You know it's a trap.

Doesn't matter, Leo.
We have to go anyway.

Well, at least go with a plan.

Try using your new power,
fly overhead,

- and spot him before he spots you.
- All right.

- Stay with Dan, we'll be back.
- You better be.

We gotta hurry,
it's gonna be light soon.

Okay, you think you can
control the power this time?

I'll have to, I have no choice.

Right, I spot the Dragon,
you freeze him.

Then we find Prue
and get the hell out of here.

All right, go. Fly.

Piper! Piper! Piper!

- Prue?
- Piper!

- No! Prue.
- Piper!

Go back!

- Go! Go!
- Piper!

What are you doing?
Let go of me!

- I'm sorry.
- Let go!

Let go of her, damn it!

No, I can't.

- Piper!
- No!

Come on, keep coming.

- Come and save your little sister.
- No!

No. No. No!

- No!
- Prue.

Prue!

Time to get my power back.

Let go!

Prue!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
What do we do? What do we do?

Leo can heal her. I know he can.
We just need to get her home.

Go get the car, Phoebe.
Go get the car!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God, what have I done?

Leo! Leo!

- What happened?
- Never mind, just heal her. Come on.

What's the matter?
Why isn't it working?

Leo?

I can't heal the dead.

Yes, you can.

What the hell is he doing here?

Wait, wait, just hear him out.
He may have an idea.

Listen, I'm so sorry.

All I ever wanted was
my freedom, that's it.

That's all
that I was thinking about. Look...

...l'm just a genie.
- Get to the point!

He's willing to give up his freedom.

Go back in the bottle
and reverse the wishes.

I'll return everything
to the way it was.

- Even Prue?
- It should.

I mean, teenage Prue is the one
that got killed, not adult Prue.

How do we know this
isn't just another trick?

Well, if it gets Prue back,

you'd have the power of three
to vanquish the Dragon.

What do you got to lose?

After you.

Try to fly.

Prue.

It worked, Dan's...

No, it didn't.

All it did was turn her back
into her adult self.

- It didn't save her.
- Wait.

The genie is back in the bottle,
so if we can get him out,

then we have three
more wishes, right?

All we need is one.

- Piper?
- Dan, get down!

- Did you see where the bottle went?
- No, I have no id... Wait, yeah.

In my premonition.

- You distract him.
- Right.

Too bad you don't have
my power anymore!

Hey Dragon-breath, over here.

I wish Prue were alive.

Piper, go check on Prue.

- Where the hell did you come from?
- No, no, that's where you came from.

The power of three will set us free
The power of three will set us free

The power of three will set us free
The power of three will set us free.

Hi.

Look, Piper, I really don't feel
like talking right now.

Wait, wait. We're gonna
have to talk some time.

No. We don't.

I don't know how you expected me
to react to your secret, but I don't...

I'm really sorry you told me.

I wish you never did.
I wish I never saw what I saw.

I never imagined
things like that even...

...existed.

- Dan...
- Please, just go away.

I don't want to know any more.

And I don't want to know
any more about you.

They call themselves the Council
and they're scary dudes,

very high up on the evil food chain.

It's only gonna be a matter of time

before they send somebody
looking for you.

Means we're doing something right
if we're getting their attention.

Plus it means that there's some
method to this Wiccan madness,

some greater purpose.

It's nice to finally know.

Be careful what you wish for.

Oh, I am a reformed wishaholic,
believe me.

I'm in no hurry
to get any new powers.

Besides, the power you already have
is the one that saved the day anyway.

I know and I love it.

I do. I just have to work on
controlling it better.

Yeah, and I'm gonna concentrate
on finding Mr. Right,

not settling for Dick.

Well, speaking of wishes,
you still got two left, you know.

Yes, we know, and we already know
what one of them is.

If you're up for it, that is.

We want to make you mortal.

Keep you off of the Council's radar,
once and for all.

True freedom.
And not just from the bottle.

Although, mortality
is the consequence.

And feelings too.

Even the painful ones.

That's okay. I think I'm ready.
Feeling pretty sensitive these days.

Let me ask you something.
Why would you do that for me?

I mean, especially after
I helped kill you.

Yeah, well, you also helped
bring me back.

And besides, once you're human,

we don't have to worry
about you tricking us again.

But there's one wish
you have to grant first.

One that I need.

I want Dan to have peace of mind,

to forget about all the horrible things
that happened the past couple of days,

about who we all really are.

I wish that Dan could
truly move on with his life,

without consequences.

Your wish is my command.

No tricks, right?

No tricks. I promise.

Got no powers.

Well, that was an interesting
couple of days.

Interesting couple of years.

They're calling me, I gotta go.

Not so fast.

If we're ever gonna
make this work,

I think I deserve to know a little bit
more about you, don't you think?

- What do you mean?
- I mean I'm going with you, Leo.

I'd like to meet them.

Are you sure?

Positive. Take me to your leader.

Piper?

What are you...? What...?

Don't worry, I'll be back.

Worry? I'm not worried.

I mean, of course
she'll be back, right?

Of course.
I mean, why would we worry?