Charmed (1998–2006): Season 2, Episode 11 - Reckless Abandon - full transcript

Piper, have you
seen slides anywhere?

By the TV.

Thank God. I thought that I had lost
them. Jack would have killed me.

- Jack?
- The boss is sending two employees

with the best presentation to New York
for a conference, all expenses paid.

And Jack and I are hoping
that he picks us.

Are you gonna sleep with him?

Piper, it is just a business trip.
That is all.

- Who's the present for?
- Lisa Kruger's baby shower.

- I forgot.
- I know.

So did Phoebe.
But I'm making it from all of us.



- What all is in here?
- Stuff.

And I just knitted her
a little baby blanket. That's all.

You knit. I didn't know that you knit.

Yeah. I even had some
extra yarn left over,

and I made her a little bear to match.
Kind of cute, huh?

Hi. He's adorable.

I guess this is really good
practice for you, huh?

- What are you talking about?
- You, Dan, little Dan.

Whoa, slow down.

Dan is the one that has our
relationship on the fast track, not me.

But don't get me wrong, he's...
He's great.

But that doesn't mean
I'm ready to move in with him

- or anything else of that nature.
- You know, I just hate guys

that aren't afraid to commit,
they are so atypical.



It's not funny, Prue. It's a problem.

Piper, I don't really see
what the problem is.

I mean, you and Dan
are great together,

and you think that you love him, right?

I think so. It's just,

every time I feel I'm ready
to commit to him,

I flash back to our little trip
to the future

- and seeing me with Leo and the...
- Piper.

Dan is here now, in the present.
That's all that matters.

I know. I know.

But I'm not ready
for a baby shower either.

Come on, Morris, open your mind.
This can so work.

Look, Phoebe, it's not that
I don't appreciate your offer.

It's just my stock in this precinct
is not exactly blue-chip.

The last thing I need
is for word to get out

that I'm using a psychic
to solve my cases.

So no one needs to know.

You just give me the evidence,
I touch it,

and if I get a flash,
then we're in business.

Oh, my God.

I see blood...

...flesh.

You had the sausage for breakfast,
didn't you?

I hate sausage.

It's a little joke.

All right, people, move along,
nothing to see here.

Who would bring a baby
to a police station?

- It was abandoned. Now, look...
- Abandoned? That's awful.

That's why they call it a crime.
Now, Phoebe...

You know, they're really scaring him
waving that rattle in his face like that.

Excuse me, officers.
Mind if I try this? Thanks.

Thanks. We got it from here.

It's okay, sweetie. It's okay.

It's okay, Matthew.

There you go. You're okay.

See, I told you I could help you.

All babies need is love.

Hi. Oh, yeah. Big boy, huh?

Phoebe, are you okay?

So I can't figure out if the premonition
was the future or the past.

But if it was the past,
it would make sense

that they would abandon him
to try to save him.

You know, I'm not really good
with these things.

They're called babies,
and just do the rock-and-walk,

he loves the rock-and-walk.

- Are you sure it was a ghost?
- Yeah, I think I know ghosts by now.

I just can't figure out
why a mean ghost

would wanna hurt
that cute little baby.

And how did you talk Darryl
into letting you take him home?

I just told him about the premonition.

Only problem is,
he says we have 24 hours

before Social Services
starts asking questions.

So, what are we supposed to do
with him now?

Raise him in the ways of witchcraft?
Teach him how to fight ghosts?

Okay, okay.
Maybe you should take him.

Okay. Come here.

It's okay. It's all right.

There's a good baby.
There's a very good little baby. Okay.

- Wow, you really are a natural at this.
- Yeah.

I can't wait to have a baby
of my own someday.

I'm beginning to think Dan
fell in love with the wrong sister.

Nothing, never mind.

Hi, sweetie.
Do you like bears? Lookie.

Yeah. He doesn't like things
being waved in his face.

- Obviously.
- Well, let's do him.

All right, this better be good,
because my New York trip is at stake.

We have a baby?

Phoebe picked it up
at the police station.

Okay, I thought that you were going
to go ask Darryl about a job, not a kid.

I was. And I was trying, but then
this abandoned baby came in.

- Abandoned?
- Yes.

In a Eddie Bauer car seat
and a blanket lined in silk?

Oh, no. You guys, I think
he's finally falling asleep.

Okay, I don't get it.

If the parents could afford
such expensive stuff,

then how come
they couldn't keep the kid?

I don't think that's
why he was abandoned.

Oh, no.

He's like a car alarm.
The smallest vibration

just sets him off, and there's
nothing you can do to stop it.

- She's got baby issues.
- I know.

Look, okay, Phoebe had a vision
of a ghost chasing the baby.

And a man carrying the baby,
probably his father.

Darryl said I could stop by, and he'd
get a sketch artist to help me ID him.

Good, because the only way to find out
why the ghost is after the baby

is by finding out who he belongs to.

- I better go.
- What?

Yeah, I gotta get back to work.
Just keep me posted.

Whoa, wait, you can't
leave me here alone with him.

Piper, you're gonna be fine,
don't be afraid.

- Yeah, just think of it as a test run.
- I don't need a test run.

I remember when Phoebe
was a baby.

And it was hard on Mom,
and endless.

And with you dropping her
all the time...

- What?
- Oh, moving on, what's the point?

The point is we need things like
diapers and bottles and formula

- and a million other things.
- I'll go shopping.

And I'm gonna go see Morris.

You're gonna be fine, okay?
Just do the rock-and-walk. Okay?

You're gonna be fine. Bye.

All right.

Oh, God.

- Prue.
- Jack.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Getting my ass kicked
by a 5-year-old.

Hey, you little rug rat,
best two out of three. Come on.

- So how did you find me?
- Your assistant told me.

What she didn't tell me
is what the hell you're doing here.

Oh, just a little bit
of a family emergency.

- And you needed diapers?
- Yes, they're for my cousin.

My baby cousin Matthew.
Just staying with us a day or so.

And you'd be coming
back to work when?

Right after I drop this stuff off.
And believe me,

there will be no more interruptions
after today.

Good. Because for a second there,

I thought maybe you'd changed
your mind about going to New York.

Okay, wait a second. Who has been

working late for the past three nights
to get our presentation done?

Yeah. Well, that's before I thought
we had a chance to win.

So when you disappeared, I figured
that maybe you had second thoughts.

No, I want to go to New York.

And believe me, I would much rather
be at work right now

than trying to figure out whether
to get aloe-lined or Velcro-tabbed

or elastic-leg-cuff-thingy diapers.

You wouldn't happen to know
anything about diapers, would you?

Me? No.

See, that would involve knowing
something about babies,

which I know absolutely zero about.

But what I do know something
about is the Big Apple.

Specifically, romantic restaurants,

hip clubs, secret getaways.

Okay. Presentation's today at 3,
plane leaves tomorrow at 9.

I got a kid to catch.

This is called the jiggle.

It gives the babies that nice, warm
moving-around-in-the-womb feeling.

You're absolutely amazing.
I tried everything, and nothing worked.

Well, it helps to come
from a big family.

Once you've mastered the jiggle,
you'll be able to do...

...the wave.

- Wanna give it a try?
- No. Let's not mess with a good thing.

You're staring.

I like seeing you this way.

You have no idea
how expensive having a baby is.

So I'll tell you: $312.46, to be exact.

No way.

Well, your timing's perfect.
Cousin Matthew needs a change.

- Okay, here.
- Okay.

All right, here we go.

- Oops-a-daisy.
- Hi.

That is ripe.

What does this kid live on,
wheatgrass?

- I can change him.
- No, no, we got it.

All right, I've got
hypoallergenic wipes,

diaper-rash cream
and super-absorbent diapers.

- What are we supposed to do with...?
- Just toss it.

- All right.
- Don't forget to clean up under his...

Okay, so maybe only one of us
should change him.

- Be my guest.
- All right.

On the count of three. Ready?

One, two, three.

Boys will be boys.

Hi.

It doesn't... It doesn't fit. Doesn't fit.

Probably the wrong size.

Okay, how was I supposed to know
what size to get?

- Look, I got it.
- You got it?

Oh, how nice.

There we go. How's that?

Wow, you're like MacGyver
with oestrogen.

Thanks, I think.

Actually, cloth diapers
are more environmentally friendly,

but harder to use.

There. Such a good boy.

- Yes, he is.
- All right.

If you want, I can pick up
the right size on the way home.

- Thanks, that'd be great.
- Not a problem.

See you tonight.

Hi.

- What?
- You know what is so weird?

What? Why are you giving him to me?

Because... Because I gotta go.

That's twice. I'm counting.

Hi.

- Yeah, I'm off for a few days.
- Heading to the lake?

I think his brows should be
a bit more arched

and his hair a little lighter.

Yeah, that's better.

And his nose is bigger, wider.

So we looking for a murder suspect?

Just do me a favour, Hernandez.
No questions.

Need to know what to do with him
when I'm done with the sketch.

I mean, what, do I put it
on the wire, put out an APB...

...or ship it to the psychic hotline?

Oh, wait. Wait, that's it, that's him.

- Are you sure?
- Positive.

All right, print us up a copy,
run it through the database,

try to get us a name.

Just do it.

- Gilbert Van Lewen.
- You know him?

Well, I know the name.
His family has a huge art collection,

part of which they wanted to sell

when his father mysteriously died
last summer.

Wait. I just read somewhere that his
brother died a couple of days ago too.

So it sounds like the ghost
isn't just after baby Matthew.

Hey, you wanna meet me and Morris
down at the Van Lewen estate,

have a little chat with Gilbert?

It would help to have an active power
there just in case the ghost shows up.

Sure. Who wants to go
to New York anyway?

Bye.

That's for you.
And thank you very much.

Lunch is served.

Alexandra, for God's sakes,
keep your voice down, please.

Where's Matthew?
What did you do with him?

You have got to believe me,
I did this for his own good.

You can't just abandon our baby.
You can't just do that.

I had to. He would have gotten to him
tomorrow at the christening, I know it.

That's when he strikes,
at the moment of greatest joy.

Okay, Gilbert, listen to me. I know that
you've been under a lot of strain

because of what happened
to your brother.

But this whole ghost thing
has got to stop.

Don't you understand? It's crazy.
There's no such thing as a...

It's him.

Gilbert, you've gotta
get out of here now.

Too late, Martha.

- He's next.
- No, not again.

I have suffered enough.
Please spare my last son.

If he brings the baby back, perhaps.

Never.

You're stuck here, Martha.
I won't let you leave...

...until you have watched me kill
every last male in your family.

Hey, what's going on?

Apparently Gilbert Van Lewen
fell over the banister.

The medical examiner is gonna
list the cause of death as accidental.

Sure have been a lot of accidents
around here lately.

- Yeah, well, welcome to Homicide.
- Poor Matthew.

We don't know for sure
that Gilbert was his father.

- Well, we have to find out for sure.
- Well, hold it.

Number one, this isn't my crime scene.

Number two, you ain't cops,
remember?

Darryl, we cannot just walk
away from this.

We have to find out whether
this is Matthew's home or not.

- They're with me.
- Let me guess, your psychic friends?

Let me guess.
You wanna be a meter maid.

- Who called it in?
- The victim's mother,

Martha Van Lewen.
She's around the corner.

I'll do all the talking
to Mrs Van Lewen. Are we clear?

Perfectly.

Easy. Coming through.

Mrs Van Lewen,
I'm Inspector Morris.

- I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.

I have a couple of questions for you
and your daughter-in-law.

Well, Alexandra's off resting, she's...

...in a great deal of pain,
as you can imagine.

- Of course. She's with her baby then?
- No.

My grandson's staying
at his aunt's in Sonoma.

I'm sorry, inspector, I really
don't feel like talking anymore.

I understand. Again, my condolences.

Yeah, no question about it.

They must love him dearly.

Can't imagine how painful
it must have been to let him go.

We probably shouldn't mention
where the baby is,

in case Casper's still around.

What are you doing in here?

Oh, hi.

Sorry. Alexandra?

Who are you?

I'm Phoebe, and this is my sister Prue.
And we are...

Grief counsellors
with the police department.

I don't need any counselling.
I just need to be alone.

- We understand.
- More than you know.

- We can help you, Alexandra.
- Oh, yeah?

- Can you bring back my husband?
- No.

But maybe somebody else.

Please leave. Just go.

Okay, isn't it anybody else's turn yet?
I'm dying here.

Just a bit longer, Piper. I had no idea
there was so much information

about the Van Lewens on the Internet.

Yeah, and Jack pushed
the presentation, which means

I've got until morning to salvage it.

I don't understand why you didn't come
out and tell them we had Matthew.

Because we couldn't risk the ghost
following us home and finding him.

We have to figure out
how to vanquish the ghost.

Yeah, in less than 12 hours, before
Darryl comes and takes him away.

Well, the thing about ghosts is they
always haunt for a specific reason.

And it's always personal.

So I know the Van Lewens
know this ghost.

- And I am going to find him.
- No.

I'm gonna find him.
Okay, time's up. He's all yours.

Come here. Okay. I know.
It's okay, baby. It's okay.

Why isn't he stopping?
He's not stopping.

- Maybe it's a hungry cry.
- But you just fed him.

Maybe it's a sleepy cry.

If it was a sleepy cry,
wouldn't he just fall asleep?

Maybe it's a burpy cry.
Do you have gas?

Something tells me it's going to be
a very long night.

I thought that babies slept a lot.

Yeah, obviously one of those lies they
tell you so you'll wanna get pregnant.

- So much for being the natural.
- Hey, everyone has their limits.

- Anything in Dr. Spock?
- Nothing that we haven't already tried.

- How's the search going?
- Not so good.

The Van Lewens are seriously loaded.

There could be hundreds of dead
people holding a grudge against them.

Well, why don't you just focus on
the time of Martha's husband's death.

- I mean, that was the first...
- What did you do?

- I didn't do anything.
- Well, do something.

Okay, okay, okay.

Here we go. I'm sorry. I know.

It's okay. It's okay.

Okay.

Doesn't that fall under
the personal-gain category?

Oh, who cares?
We're desperate, and it's working.

He likes it, that is so sweet.

Oh, no, not again.

Here, this might be something.
The Van Lewen family chauffer,

Elias Lundy, disappeared suddenly
just before Martha's husband died.

Well, disappeared doesn't mean dead.
Maybe it just means he took off.

Well, if he did, he took off
without anything he owned,

including his savings account
and his car.

That's definitely something that we
should ask Martha Van Lewen about.

Yeah, if she'll talk to us.

Well, if she ever wants to get
her grandson back safe, she will.

Okay, forget Dr. Spock.
This is the only book we need.

The Book of Shadows?
I don't think so.

Well, Mom wrote spells in it, right?
And with three girls, there has to be

something in here about,
you know, how to do...

Oh, here it is.

- "Sometimes a baby just has to cry."
- Thanks, Mom.

I don't understand why this is so hard.
We're women, it should be in our DNA.

I can't keep doing this all night.

- What?
- Just wondering

if you're too good to be true.

Maybe someday you'll find out
through personal experience.

- I have to go to work.
- Hi, silly.

- Thanks, really.
- It was my pleasure.

He really is beautiful.

Just like his cousin.

Bye.

Silly.

Oh, what time is it?
Quarter till 8. I'm late.

I've gotta go to Martha Van Lewen.
Piper, will you come with me?

Yeah. Right behind you.

- Oh, I think we forgot something.
- What are we gonna do with him?

Hey. You ready to wow Caldwell?

Well, actually...

You get that through Office Supplies?

Okay, I had to bring him.
There was nowhere else to put him.

And I think we should talk to Caldwell
about a day-care centre.

I mean, I'm not the only one
with a child around here.

Prue, unless you have a really big
surprise for me, you don't have a kid.

I know that.

But I'm going to one day.

Hey, it's okay.

He only likes this finger, and it took me
all night to figure that out.

But you should see me at diapering.
I'm really good at it.

Yeah, okay, you know, this mothering
instinct is really something.

But me, I've got my own inner child,

and right now he's thinking
about New York.

Right.

Jack, I didn't really finish
the presentation.

You know, I figured you were
probably still in a family crisis,

especially after
the tenth unanswered call,

so I hope you don't mind,
but I took the liberty

of finishing the presentation myself.

Anything to get you to New York.

- You're the best.
- He certainly is.

And since I need my best
and brightest in New York,

I'm taking you
out of the running, Halliwell.

Mr Caldwell, you know, I finished
the presentation based on her file.

I mean, she had a family emergency.

She has a lot of those, doesn't she.

We'll show your presentation
to the client at noon, Sheridan.

- Yes?
- We need to talk to you.

- Are you with the police?
- No, not really.

- But we are here to help.
- I don't understand.

Does the name Elias Lundy
mean anything to you?

Martha, the funeral home called,
and they wanted to know if...

What are you doing here?

I'm here because we really
need to talk to you.

- And I think you know what about.
- Who are you people?

What do you want?

Please tell me he's okay.

Please come with us, someplace safe,
where we can talk about this.

Oh, no.

- Where is the child?
- No, please don't tell him.

He didn't freeze.
Why didn't he freeze?

What are you? Witches?

- I've frozen ghosts before, haven't I?
- Okay, Piper, now is not the time.

Just unfreeze them
so we can get them out of here.

Down.

Let's go.

Bring me the child, or she's dead.

Looks like I'm not
the only one stuck here.

You know, you'd be more comfortable
at our place with your baby.

It's too much of a risk.

As much as I am dying to see him
and to hold him...

...I just can't.
- I don't think the ghost can follow you.

Or us. I mean, he couldn't chase us
out of the house.

I don't think he could leave the house.

But you're not positive. I mean,
you don't know that for sure, do you?

I've seen what he can do.
I watched him kill my husband.

- I won't watch him hurt my son.
- It's okay.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Now, what did you husband tell you
about Elias Lundy?

He was their chauffeur.

But he was obsessed with Martha.

Even carved his and Martha's initials
on the largest oak on the ground.

I've seen it.

But one day, apparently
his obsession got out of hand,

and Lundy attacked Martha.

My father-in-law lured him out to that
same tree and shot him in the back.

Buried him on the grounds.
Covered it up.

Well, that would explain
why he suddenly disappeared.

A week later, my father-in-law
mysteriously died.

At the house too.

And then Gilbert's brother
and his uncle, and then...

They all just look like accidents,
you know, bad luck.

Martha knew, but she just
couldn't convince anybody.

I don't understand
why you stayed in that house.

Why didn't Gilbert get you
out of there?

Until Gilbert's brother died,
he didn't believe the story either.

Martha tried to sell the house once,
but I guess Lundy wouldn't let her.

He wants her to suffer
for what her husband did to him.

And he's not gonna quit
until he gets Matthew too.

Yeah, well,

we won't quit until we get him.

Now, do you have any idea where on
the grounds Lundy's body is buried?

Supposedly by that tree.
Under the initials.

Whoa, Prue.

Hey, don't touch that dial. I just
came back from Caldwell's office.

I told him I couldn't have finished the
presentation without the work you did,

and I couldn't do the job to his level
of quality without my beautiful partner.

Plane leaves in two hours.
Sorry, squirt, I only got two.

- Kids under 2 fly free.
- Afraid you were gonna say that.

You know what? Whatever.
I'm game.

Jack, that's sweet.

Thank you so much for sticking up
for me, but I can't. I gotta get home.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, me too.

- Hey, you two make a nice couple.
- Thanks.

Prue's on her way back.

That stuff could melt your nostrils.

Yeah, like all the diaper changing
didn't melt them already.

Okay, some mandrake root...

You know, I could have sworn that
I'd be good at this whole baby thing.

I mean, I love kids. I'm giving,
I'm a good person...

Phoebe, I don't think Matthew
was rejecting you personally.

- At least, no more than the rest of us.
- Then why do I feel like a failure?

Every time I get close
to the little guy,

he either opens his mouth
or his bowels.

I mean, call me kooky,
but that feels like rejection to me.

It takes a lot of time to figure out
how to take care of babies properly.

- It's a lot of work.
- A lot more than I thought, actually.

We should be grateful
we have a little time off.

Absolutely.

I miss him.

It is a little quiet around here.
Okay, let's just focus.

Okay, do you wanna get
the shovels?

Shovels? I thought we were
vanquishing Lundy with a potion.

- What do we need shovels for?
- Because the only way it works

is if you spread it over his bones,
which happen to be buried.

- We have to dig him up?
- I'm afraid so.

Is that it? Or is there
some other disgusting detail

- you're just waiting to spring on me?
- No.

The only other way to vanquish him
is to destroy the object of the curse,

which is Martha.
And we're supposed to save Martha.

So get the shovels.

Hi, Matthew, how's the little man?
What are you doing?

The baby's home. Hi, baby.

Hey, I'm home too.

- Okay, guys, are we ready?
- Yes, we're ready.

I really think someone should
stay here with Matthew.

I'll stay.

Looks like we finally
all fell for the same guy.

Hi, baby. What you doing?

Time's up, ladies.
Social Services called,

- they wanna know where the baby is.
- Tell them he's with us.

Three witches and a baby.
I don't think that's gonna fly.

But you can't take him now.
We're this close to vanquishing...

I don't wanna hear
another ghost story.

In the real world,
that baby was abandoned.

Which means if I don't account
for him, I could lose my shield.

Not if you can offer
a plausible explanation, right?

I mean, what if he was kidnapped
and then abandoned?

You would be a hero.

You would be the one
reuniting him with his mom.

Look, just...

...hold off for a few hours, okay?

If we're not back,
then do what you have to do.

And here, take this, he really likes it.

And don't wave things in his face,
because he does not like that.

He likes the jiggle.
Do you know the jiggle?

Of course I know the jiggle.
I'm a father.

Okay, and if he starts to cry,

just hold him really close,
because it comforts him.

Okay. Bye.

Prue, you're not gonna wear that,
are you?

Didn't think so.
We'll meet you in the car, all right?

You can't keep hiding from me,
Martha. I'll always find you.

You can punish me all you like,
Elias, it doesn't matter.

I don't know where Matthew is,
and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

- Did she say where the oak tree was?
- I assume around back.

Okay, you two go dig him up, and I'll
protect Martha for as long as I can.

All right.

Prue. Over here.

This has gotta be it.

Okay, hold this.

Pheebs, I think I have
a much quicker way of doing that.

Oh, yeah, you do, don't you? Okay.

- All right.
- All right.

Are you ready?

Hello, Elias.

There are many things
worse than death, Martha.

You taught me that.

I can keep doing this forever.

I don't think so.

Bring me the child, and I'll spare you.

Actually, I think it's a little late for that.

My bones. My grave.

All right, here it goes.

You can't vanquish me
without my bones, can you?

- Busted.
- Run.

- Piper, where are you?
- Upstairs.

- Have you seen Lundy?
- What do you mean?

Didn't you vanquish him?

No. And it doesn't look like
we'll ever be able to.

He's hidden his bones someplace
that we'll never be able to find them.

Then you have to get
out of here now.

No, we're not leaving you.

You haven't got a choice
if there's no other way to stop him.

- It's not an option.
- Agreed.

What?

What is it?
I think I have a right to know.

It's just that there is one other way
to vanquish a ghost.

And that's to destroy
the object of its wrath.

Meaning me?

Are you saying that if I die,
he dies too?

No, our job is to protect the innocent,
and that would be you.

No, it isn't.

It wasn't my husband who shot Elias
in the back, it was me. I did it.

He wanted me for himself. He said
he was gonna kill my husband.

Yet I did, didn't I?

How could you, Martha? I loved you.

Well, I didn't love you.

- They can't protect you forever.
- You're absolutely right.

But I can protect Matthew.

Martha, no!

No!

Martha.

- What have you done?
- Killed us both.

Go to hell, Elias.

- What do we do?
- Don't do anything.

This is where I belong.

This is the only way
to save my grandchild.

Thank you for protecting him.

Here they are.

Here, we wanted you to have this.

But we couldn't get all the throw-up
off of it.

That's okay. You're all so sweet.
How can I thank you?

Oh, just let us babysit
every once in a while.

Just take good care of him.

Bye, honey.

I know.

Bye, baby. Hey. Where did he go?

- Bye.
- Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay, so how many kids do you think
I'm gonna have someday?

- I'd say five.
- More. At least six.

What makes you say that?

Oh, please, Pheebs,
you were born to be a mom.

- No doubt about it.
- Yeah? You think? Oh, I hope so.

I miss that little guy already.

Although being a surrogate mom
for the last 24 hours has taught me

I have a long way to go
before I'm ready for it full time.

- I gotta get my life together first.
- Yeah, and find a guy, maybe.

That would probably help, huh?

Unlike Piper's guy,
who is, like, Mr. Mom.

Dan was really great
with Matthew, wasn't he?

- More like a godsend.
- I think that's what scares me.

He's, like, flawless.
He's great at everything.

He's great-looking, he's fun,
he's great with babies...

- But?
- But...

...I don't know.
He's just a little too perfect.

I feel a little imperfect around him.

Well, maybe that's why you
were uncomfortable with Matthew.

Maybe because of Dan, you were
resisting your own maternal instincts.

- Where did that come from?
- Cosmo, where else?

Look over there. There's Jack.

- Jack?
- Yeah, Jack.

Jack who?

Hey. Why aren't you in New York?

I didn't wanna go without my partner.

I don't want you to think
this gesture of mine

is in any way a sign
of evolving maturity,

in case having your cousin Matthew
around gave you any ideas.

You know, the only idea
that I have is that one day,

maybe sooner, maybe later,
I'm gonna make a great mom.

And you know, hopefully,
I'll find the right guy.

Well, then I think you should know
that being as I'm still a kid myself,

I don't think I'd be doing anyone
any favours

by pretending to be the right guy.

Well, I didn't say I was looking
for the right guy tonight.

- You'll do. Let's go. Dance?
- Sure.