Chaos (2011): Season 1, Episode 6 - Eaten by Wolves - full transcript
I'm Agent Rick Martinez.
Let me be the first to
welcome you to the CIA.
And this is the story of
America's great house of spies.
You've heard of
office politics?
Ours come with
poison pills and guns.
Spy trap.
I knew this was going
to be a fiasco.
I've been assigned
to a special covert unit,
conceived to go
where others can't
and to do what others won't,
whether the mission's
authorized or not.
We each have our own
special skills, Martinez.
I lead, Billy charms people,
Casey hurts people,
and you translate.
We are the ODS,
last of the old-school spies.
The threat of unsecured nuclear
material falling into the hands
of terrorist organizations
is the world's number
one security threat--
Russian nuclear energy
companies topping our concerns.
All right, there's Albert.
That's Albert Boskiv,
Soviet criminal insider,
and our snitch.
Spent time with the Red Mob.
Whom he managed very
seriously to tick off.
They put a contract out on him.
We smuggled him
out of the country
in exchange for him
agreeing to be our asset.
That greasy gopher
has a direct pipeline
to all things illegal
coming out of Russia.
Including nuclear materials.
Well, if he's our asset,
why am I tailing him?
- Why don't I just go talk to him?
- Because you need field practice,
and it's a perfect opportunity
for you to spread your wings.
Take it seriously, though;
Albert's got a dark side.
No telling what he'll do if he
catches you following him.
* *
* *
I was looking for the Metro...
My Russian's a bit rusty.
Does that mean
he's happy to see us?
I wouldn't be.
Good doggie.
No, no, no, no, no-- bad dog!
Bad doggie... Hey!
Thanks for taming that beast for us.
We usually like dogs,
but that one was all teeth and bitterness.
Wait a second...
You knew he had a dog?
You were counting on that dog
chasing me, weren't you?
We work for the CIA.
We tend to be well-informed
about these things.
Here's the thing, Albert--
as our confidential informant,
it's been two years
since you've given us
anything remotely useful.
We can't justify
keeping you on payroll.
We've been authorized by
the United States Government
to cut professional ties,
so here is your
severance package.
They're stinky
and unfiltered--
a fitting reflection
of our respect.
Hey.
Hey wait, wait.
Guys! I...
I have something.
If it's not worth
a two-year wait,
we don't want to hear it.
This...
what I have...
It is worth many years
of waiting.
Your mail's been
piling up at our house.
I thought you filed
a change of address.
I did, a year ago.
Oh, and you know, by the way,
half of those letters
are from your mom.
Did you not tell her
that we were separated?
Divorced, Michael.
We agreed to sell the house.
It's not yours to keep.
I'm just waiting for
the market to bounce back.
And who knows,
we could solve our problems,
hug it out...
I'm kind of busy
right now, Michael.
Okay.
One last thing.
We have a lead
on black-market Uranium.
You know Viktor Gershan.
Lead scientist at the
Chelyabinsk nuclear facility?
Was lead scientist.
He was laid off last year.
And our agent in Amsterdam says
that Viktor's hard-up for money,
and looking to sell
ten kilograms
of high-grade enriched uranium.
He's speaking
at an energy conference
in Volgograd this weekend.
This is the perfect place
to make a sale.
Iran will be there, Syria...
Is this solid intel?
Yeah, mostly solid.
It came from Albert Boskiv.
So it's junk.
Higgins would never go for it.
You know how he is.
To get anything
approved in Russia,
the intel better be airtight.
I know he doesn't want
to take a risk.
That's why I need you
to talk to Higgins.
Soft-sell the mission
proposal for me.
I am not going to lie to
the director so you can
run off chasing sketchy intel.
Sketchy intel? Look...
Fay, we can't know if the intel
is solid until we go into
Russia and look into it.
And we can't go into
Russia until we know
the intel is solid.
You see my dilemma?
Get us to that conference,
send us on a different mission.
I need a moment
with the director.
Yeah. He's tied up all day
on high-level budget calls.
It's important.
Not my problem.
You got an emergency?
Run it through
the deputy director.
So... inspection
of Volgograd
pesticide storage facilities.
You want to send the ODS.
Yes.
How is it a security concern?
We have solid intel that the
Russians have been transporting
tons of unregulated pesticides
into Western Europe by rail.
It's an environmental
disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you.
This is our "lamp shade" design,
very popular as disguises go.
It's hard to go wrong
with this one.
Consists of 942 individually
placed follicles--
provide the natural
variations usually overlooked
in traditional facial hair
replication, which is why
my mustaches look so
absolutely convincing.
Your cover I.D. kit.
Memorize it.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
That has to go.
What?!
It's beautiful.
It's absolutely convincing.
Yeah, until it peels off
at the first big sneeze.
Aah!
That took 70 hours to weave.
Look, forget disguises.
They're not worth the risk.
Especially when spying
in Russia,
you do not want to end up
eaten by wolves.
Wolves? In Volgograd?
That's right.
Sometimes I forget.
You're barely out of nappies.
Follow me.
Memorial Wall.
One of those stars
is for an operative
who flew low-level
communication intercept missions
over southern Russia.
His plane went down within
months of Gary Powers' release.
KGB caught him, accused
the U. S. of spying.
We, of course,
denied such a thing.
Then he was disavowed
by the agency.
I don't understand.
What do wolves have
to do with the story?
The agency knew that our man
had survived the plane crash.
The official story
told to his family
was that he was likely...
eaten by wolves.
In truth, he wasted away
in some Russian prison.
But that was
then... right?
Cold War's been
over a long time.
Trust me...
In Russia, the wolves
are still out.
And they're as hungry as ever.
A whole new identity.
Who are you?
- I am, once again,
the pride of Scotland,
as co-owner of a successful wind farming company.
- With me.
Billy and I will be attending
the energy conference
as partners.
Isn't that right, laddie?
Please, don't-don't do that.
It-it's...
Have you got
your cover memorized?
Quiz me.
Where are you from?
Kansas City.
Job?
I sell life insurance;
specializing in annuity vesting.
Parents' names?
Glen and Sheryl.
How'd they meet?
Wow. Was that in there?
No. I'm just curious.
Oh, uh...
they met through friends.
No, no. No, no.
They-they met at a bar.
They-they met at a bar
through friends...
And off to the fingernail
factory he goes.
You know what I don't get?
If I sell life insurance,
then what am I doing
at an energy conference?
You and Casey won't be going
to the energy conference.
You're running backup
on this mission.
Handle communications.
- Backup?
- You and I will be attending
a separate conference
at the same hotel.
Russian brides?
Yeah, you two will be lovelorn
losers looking for brides.
And I will be keeping
my fingers firmly crossed
for both of you.
* *
Welcome to the land of love.
Right this way, gentlemen.
Follow me.
This will be big success.
I have never seen
such a handsome group of men.
Lucky women.
Lucky, lucky women.
2:00-- Isn't that...?
Udi from Mossad.
Yeah, I saw him, too.
And that's not all.
That guy in the
blue leather jacket
at the hors d'oeuvre table?
Ah, Jean Pierre.
That jackass from
French Intelligence.
Face in the trough, as usual.
And I've seen others.
No signs of Victor.
It's like a bloody
spy convention.
Word must've gotten out.
All right. All clear,
we can talk.
How's it going?
I'm good for phones.
And I got to say,
I hate working backup.
Listen, Martinez, if you
want to do this kind of work,
you got to stop worrying about
the job you're not doing,
and focus on the job
you're expected to do.
But my job is to do nothing.
Exactly.
Now, come on--
let's get going.
Lucky, lucky women are
waiting for us in the bar.
Yeah.
* *
* *
Hi.
Do you speak English?
Yes, I speak very,
very good English. I...
Hi.
Speak English?
Not a word?
Perfect.
Come on.
Good one for you.
You. Come.
Hi.
Hello.
Hope to float
next year.
Anyway, that's me there.
Colin Bailey.
And remember, you can't go wrong
with Scottish wind farming.
362 days of pelting rain
and howling wings.
And the finest golf
on the planet.
Look forward to
hearing from you.
Edwin.
Colin.
There's our man Victor.
Right behind you.
Just landed a contract
with our Norwegian friends,
so the drinks are on me.
What are you having, mate?
Vodka.
One for me and my boy,
and another for, uh...
Victor, here.
So, Victor, what type of work
brings you to the conference?
I am retired.
Retired?!
But you still come
to the conferences.
Like to keep your
hand in the business?
Something like that.
You know what I think, Victor?
I think you retired too early.
You don't fold your tent
till you've got enough
stashed away to be able
to drink this instead of that.
It's not a well-paying
profession, as you know.
Oh, it could be.
Hmm?
If one had, for example,
a tangible asset
that could be
converted to cash.
In your mind, what would be
comfortable cushion to have?
$250,000.
Depending on the quality
of the tangible asset
in question, of course.
I think you gentlemen right.
We should talk more
about retirement plans,
before you leave.
That would be our pleasure.
Kansas City?
Is nice place?
Yes, it's, it's very nice.
- What is there to see?
- Oh, lots. Lots.
Um... Art galleries,
museums, the Royals.
Royals?
The Kansas City Royals.
Baseball team.
I would love to
see baseball one day.
Hm.
You will
take me to a game?
Yeah. I-I mean, sure.
Why not?
You don't like me, do you?
Sure I like you.
I like you a lot.
You seem like...
a very nice person.
Well, it's nice to meet you.
Jean Pierre--
how someone
that inept has
managed to stay alive
all these years,
I'll never know.
Bonjour.
Ah!
?a va, Jean Pierre.
What brings you to
beautiful Volgograd?
Thought I would do
a little shopping.
Same with us.
What a coincidence.
Put your money away, Michael.
The merchandise you want
has already been sold.
To me.
In fact, it is being
gift-wrapped this very minute
up on the sixth floor.
So, mes amis...
bonsoir.
It doesn't make any
sense-- why would Victor want
to make a deal with us,
if he already had a buyer?
If you can't trust an
unemployed nuclear scientist
desperate for money, then...
What?
Come on.
Slow down!
What, what are you thinking?
Victor wants both of us
to try and get the uranium.
See, you got adrenaline
on your side right now. I don't.
He's not selling it to anybody.
He's using it as bait.
Victor's working with
Russian Intelligence.
It's a spy trap.
Yeah, and we walked
right into it.
Spy trap?
We're certain the ODS has
not yet been compromised,
correct?
So far.
But they already made
contact with Victor.
Exposure risk remains high.
This should never
have happened.
Oh?
The mission was completely
misrepresented.
Fay pulled a fast one on me.
What can we do about the ODS?
It's already being done.
We have a highly placed
agent in Volgograd.
A car will drive the
ODS out of the city.
The less said about
the details, the better.
Well, that's, that's good news.
Glad I can put a little
sunshine into your day.
To make this extraction work,
the agent will be exposed.
Seven years of hard Agency
work to place this agent, gone.
Poof.
Just to clean up
after a screwup.
Yes, but...
You can go.
Car'll be here in
less than two hours.
Then off we'll go,
mission unaccomplished.
Doesn't sit well.
At least we know the Russians
have the uranium.
And you find that comforting?
They may be using that
uranium as bait right now,
but eventually it will get
sold to the wrong people.
It's love of the ruble,
not love of the motherland,
that drives Russia these days.
Uh... Irina.
Hi.
I... brought us
some drinks.
I hope that's okay.
Uh, yeah.
These are, uh,
these are my friends here.
Good night.
Um...
What... what
should I do?
Maintain your cover.
You like?
Yeah... yeah,
yeah, you look...
very nice.
Don't you want me?
Did you really come
here to find a wife?
Yeah, of course.
Then let me show you the
wife I would be for you.
Irina, I...
I can't take you to the States.
Why not?
It's not you, it's...
it's this. I...
I made a mistake
coming on this tour.
I, I... I don't want to
find my wife like this.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
No, I, I feel terrible.
No.
You are a good man.
You could have told me all this
20 minutes from now.
Fay!
Oh, you know that pesticide
thing in Volgograd?
Spy trap.
Don't worry, we're
pulling them out.
Did they confirm the uranium?
I believe so.
Does uranium qualify
as a pesticide?
Adele, I should have been
straight with you,
and I apologize.
Oh, no apology, please.
No, I owe you one.
I know you owe me one,
but I'm not going to accept it,
because if I do, then I'd
be forced to forgive you.
And I'm not ready to do that.
Which makes this, right now,
a little awkward-- socially.
Yeah.
Is this intended to make
me worry about you?
Don't worry about me.
Not right now.
No, right now...
you need to worry
about Higgins.
* *
Can I ask you a question?
Um, why are you here?
You don't want to hear this.
No, I do.
I want to go to America.
Life is hard here.
America, to me, seems like
such a hopeful place.
There are plenty of other guys
who would marry you right now.
Who, them?
I'm desperate,
but I'm not crazy.
Uh...
Irena, I have to, uh...
I have to go.
I mean, I got to...
Irina.
Oh, no.
What?
It's my ex-boyfriend.
Wait, hey...
I think it's time
for you to go home.
Alec!
Alec...
All right, we're good.
We're good.
We're good.
Okay. Okay.
Car's here-- we only
have a couple minutes.
Forget about the car.
There's been a glitch.
Come on.
This is...
That's not good.
Hey--
Did they let you go?
I just got to pay a fine.
Stick to your story and we're out of
here, get me?
Excuse me.
Please, pay fine over there.
Sir.
So I have gone over
file that you filled out.
And you came from Kansas City
to look for Russian wife?
That's right.
And where do you work?
Central Kansas Life Insurance.
Top employee three
months in a row.
Nice.
Yeah.
You live on Dodson Avenue?
1701 Dodson Avenue.
It's close to downtown.
Easy commute.
Hmm.
Is, uh...
the number-- the number
you call for work?
Yes.
Good.
Please call.
Call my work?
Access code is 810.
Welcome to Pizza Barn.
Can I take your order?
Hello?
I must have dialed
the wrong number.
No, you didn't.
You dialed correctly.
Which one is work then?
Insurance company
in Kansas City
or pizza restaurant
in Boise, Idaho?
So everything good here?
Sir, you're finished.
Please go.
Your friend stays.
Go.
Sure.
Are you certain 100%
his cover's blown?
Sky high.
But it was just
the captain though?
Local cop, no Russian
intelligence?
Not yet, but it's just
a matter of time, Michael.
The kid knew his cover
inside and out,
but technical services screwed
him six ways to Sunday
with a bad work number.
When we get back,
I am putting my thumb straight
through somebody's throat.
Have you notified HQ?
My next call, but what
are they going to do?
They'll either disavow
or make a trade.
- We need to get him ourselves.
- I got it covered.
You sound surprisingly
confident, Malick.
I'm not.
So you work for
Central Kansas Life
Insurance Company
which is also a barn for pizza?
Come on, help me
understand this.
I lied.
Okay.
I don't have a job.
The company fired me,
like, a year ago.
But I couldn't come here
and expect one of these women,
one of these beautiful women
would want to come home with a guy who's
living off of unemployment benefits.
There is an energy
conference in town.
It has brought much excitement
and money to Volgograd,
which we need.
But it has also
brought the GRU.
The... GRU?
Russian intelligence.
And they would be
suspicious of any American
who comes to Volgograd
telling lies.
Wait a minute.
You think I'm some sort of spy?
I don't know what to think.
And that is causing me, um...
...distress.
Have we had any calls
from the GRU?
Nothing yet.
Assuming that the Russians
are willing
to make a trade for Martinez,
What might we expect
them to ask for
in return?
We're currently holding
their Chechnyan field director.
An agent with personal
ties to Putin.
A former KGB officer
who managed to worm his
way into Lehman Brothers.
So it would be
a lopsided trade.
Definitely.
So common sense dictates
that we walk away.
Are we seriously considering
disavowing?
Every option has
to be considered
because we're screwed.
And we're screwed
because someone fed
this department
a reckless soft sell.
Let's try and get Collins,
Malick and Dorset
out of Russia with
the bride tour.
Be sure to paper customs
channels ahead of them.
Make it rain money
if you have to.
And Martinez?
We buy some time.
If the Russians contact us,
we ignore the first call--
say we don't know what they're talking
about in the second call,
and hope there's not a third.
So many love matches.
So much romance.
It make my heart soar.
Come with me.
My buddy is in jail.
I cannot help you.
I have a business to run.
Fine. You want
to talk business,
let's talk business.
Because if this isn't fixed,
I am now not taking
home a bride
and my buddy in jail is not
taking home a bride.
And that's two commissions
you'll never see.
Believe me when I tell you
that I could end
five of these marriages
in less than a minute.
You want me to start
telling these simpletons
how many of their
hot Russian brides
are already married
here in Russia?
Or point out how many of them
already have
kids they're hiding,
and they're planning on
springing on them,
right when they get
back to the States?
They will not believe
anything you say.
They are not like you.
They are blind with love.
Okay...
My stomach is upset.
It's where I keep my worry.
My friend is in trouble,
and you are going to fix it,
because if you don't,
I will rip you in half!
Okay.
Now let's get this going.
Um, what did you
say in there, anyway?
He asked me if I believed
you came to Russia
to find a wife.
I told him you did.
And that you found one.
She's no dummy.
She just talked her way
into America.
Let's go.
- Good luck with your happily ever after, yeah?
- Yeah.
Here are your visa packets.
Have them notarized and you
can start your fairy tale.
Hear you're getting married.
We are most definitely going
to Vegas for your stag do.
It's a scam marriage.
All the more reason
to celebrate.
Casey, tour guide cooperated?
He's agreed to put your
passports in the stack.
He'll rubber stamp
them at the airport.
Good. How much
time do we have?
How much do you need?
15. We're going back up.
What?
We came here for the uranium,
we're leaving with the uranium.
Michael has strong feelings
about the threat
of loose nuclear materials.
Plus, Fay's ass is on the line.
She stuck her neck out
for us on this one.
We go back empty-handed,
she may be out of a job.
We'll hold the bus.
Gentlemen, come in.
Can I get you both a drink?
Oh, no.
No, thank you.
How about we get
the show on the road?
Sure.
Here it is.
Where is money?
Nice.
You know, we should go up there.
They may need us.
You're probably not wrong.
But, if we leave this bus,
it's gonna leave without us.
You go.
I'll hold the bus.
That's really ten
kilograms, huh?
What?
You've got something stuck
in your teeth.
No, it's still there.
Really? This is
bothering you now?
I can't help it.
Sorry.
Apologies.
That kind of thing
really creeps me out.
What are you talking about?
There's nothing in my teeth.
Don't move.
Good God, laddie,
you didn't have to kill him.
Two wives.
Excuse me?
This is my business.
Two seats on the bus
will cost you two wives.
Should I break his neck?
The man does have
to make a living.
Visa packets, and visa packets.
Congratulations.
Our grandchildren are going to love
this story.
* *
* *
Come in.
You wanted to see me?
You know, they say disappointment can
wear away at the soul.
And this job specializes
in disappointment.
I'm ready for whatever
punishment you see fit.
I'm not going to fire you.
I'm not even
going to punish you.
You're too valuable to me.
If I punish you, I'm cutting off
my right hand.
I'd rather you
cut off your right hand.
You're great at your job.
You just have one flaw;
one blind spot.
Deal with it.
Since when is our house
on the market?
We agreed to move on,
and that means
selling the house.
We've dragged our heels
long enough.
I thought maybe securing
ten kilograms
of weapons-grade uranium
from the Russians
and making you look
brilliant in the process
would have bought
some good will.
Stop, Michael, please.
Just making a joke.
This isn't a joke.
I almost lost my job over this.
It's like I decide things,
and it's good,
and then you affect me.
I can't keep doing this.
Okay.
We'll sell the house.
So that's where we are.
I promised her she could stay.
It's the least we can do.
A little tricky.
I mean, technically,
this doesn't fall into the
category of political asylum.
All she's looking for
is a better future.
Nothing more than
what we all want.
And she's adorable.
Don't you think?
She... uh...
Yeah, I guess.
Well, I'm thinking she would be
happy living in Phoenix.
Yeah.
So...
Okay, thank you.
You okay, Martinez?
Yeah. It's just...
I could've been
one of these stars.
We all could have.
Well, I think we deserve a night
of havoc and debauchery
in honor of our shotgun
marriages and speedy divorces.
Agreed.
And drinks are on me.
To what miracle do we owe
this burst of generosity?
Don't ask questions.
It's a free drink.
I'm coming into money.
Decided to sell my house.
Hold
the elevator.
Let me be the first to
welcome you to the CIA.
And this is the story of
America's great house of spies.
You've heard of
office politics?
Ours come with
poison pills and guns.
Spy trap.
I knew this was going
to be a fiasco.
I've been assigned
to a special covert unit,
conceived to go
where others can't
and to do what others won't,
whether the mission's
authorized or not.
We each have our own
special skills, Martinez.
I lead, Billy charms people,
Casey hurts people,
and you translate.
We are the ODS,
last of the old-school spies.
The threat of unsecured nuclear
material falling into the hands
of terrorist organizations
is the world's number
one security threat--
Russian nuclear energy
companies topping our concerns.
All right, there's Albert.
That's Albert Boskiv,
Soviet criminal insider,
and our snitch.
Spent time with the Red Mob.
Whom he managed very
seriously to tick off.
They put a contract out on him.
We smuggled him
out of the country
in exchange for him
agreeing to be our asset.
That greasy gopher
has a direct pipeline
to all things illegal
coming out of Russia.
Including nuclear materials.
Well, if he's our asset,
why am I tailing him?
- Why don't I just go talk to him?
- Because you need field practice,
and it's a perfect opportunity
for you to spread your wings.
Take it seriously, though;
Albert's got a dark side.
No telling what he'll do if he
catches you following him.
* *
* *
I was looking for the Metro...
My Russian's a bit rusty.
Does that mean
he's happy to see us?
I wouldn't be.
Good doggie.
No, no, no, no, no-- bad dog!
Bad doggie... Hey!
Thanks for taming that beast for us.
We usually like dogs,
but that one was all teeth and bitterness.
Wait a second...
You knew he had a dog?
You were counting on that dog
chasing me, weren't you?
We work for the CIA.
We tend to be well-informed
about these things.
Here's the thing, Albert--
as our confidential informant,
it's been two years
since you've given us
anything remotely useful.
We can't justify
keeping you on payroll.
We've been authorized by
the United States Government
to cut professional ties,
so here is your
severance package.
They're stinky
and unfiltered--
a fitting reflection
of our respect.
Hey.
Hey wait, wait.
Guys! I...
I have something.
If it's not worth
a two-year wait,
we don't want to hear it.
This...
what I have...
It is worth many years
of waiting.
Your mail's been
piling up at our house.
I thought you filed
a change of address.
I did, a year ago.
Oh, and you know, by the way,
half of those letters
are from your mom.
Did you not tell her
that we were separated?
Divorced, Michael.
We agreed to sell the house.
It's not yours to keep.
I'm just waiting for
the market to bounce back.
And who knows,
we could solve our problems,
hug it out...
I'm kind of busy
right now, Michael.
Okay.
One last thing.
We have a lead
on black-market Uranium.
You know Viktor Gershan.
Lead scientist at the
Chelyabinsk nuclear facility?
Was lead scientist.
He was laid off last year.
And our agent in Amsterdam says
that Viktor's hard-up for money,
and looking to sell
ten kilograms
of high-grade enriched uranium.
He's speaking
at an energy conference
in Volgograd this weekend.
This is the perfect place
to make a sale.
Iran will be there, Syria...
Is this solid intel?
Yeah, mostly solid.
It came from Albert Boskiv.
So it's junk.
Higgins would never go for it.
You know how he is.
To get anything
approved in Russia,
the intel better be airtight.
I know he doesn't want
to take a risk.
That's why I need you
to talk to Higgins.
Soft-sell the mission
proposal for me.
I am not going to lie to
the director so you can
run off chasing sketchy intel.
Sketchy intel? Look...
Fay, we can't know if the intel
is solid until we go into
Russia and look into it.
And we can't go into
Russia until we know
the intel is solid.
You see my dilemma?
Get us to that conference,
send us on a different mission.
I need a moment
with the director.
Yeah. He's tied up all day
on high-level budget calls.
It's important.
Not my problem.
You got an emergency?
Run it through
the deputy director.
So... inspection
of Volgograd
pesticide storage facilities.
You want to send the ODS.
Yes.
How is it a security concern?
We have solid intel that the
Russians have been transporting
tons of unregulated pesticides
into Western Europe by rail.
It's an environmental
disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you.
This is our "lamp shade" design,
very popular as disguises go.
It's hard to go wrong
with this one.
Consists of 942 individually
placed follicles--
provide the natural
variations usually overlooked
in traditional facial hair
replication, which is why
my mustaches look so
absolutely convincing.
Your cover I.D. kit.
Memorize it.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
That has to go.
What?!
It's beautiful.
It's absolutely convincing.
Yeah, until it peels off
at the first big sneeze.
Aah!
That took 70 hours to weave.
Look, forget disguises.
They're not worth the risk.
Especially when spying
in Russia,
you do not want to end up
eaten by wolves.
Wolves? In Volgograd?
That's right.
Sometimes I forget.
You're barely out of nappies.
Follow me.
Memorial Wall.
One of those stars
is for an operative
who flew low-level
communication intercept missions
over southern Russia.
His plane went down within
months of Gary Powers' release.
KGB caught him, accused
the U. S. of spying.
We, of course,
denied such a thing.
Then he was disavowed
by the agency.
I don't understand.
What do wolves have
to do with the story?
The agency knew that our man
had survived the plane crash.
The official story
told to his family
was that he was likely...
eaten by wolves.
In truth, he wasted away
in some Russian prison.
But that was
then... right?
Cold War's been
over a long time.
Trust me...
In Russia, the wolves
are still out.
And they're as hungry as ever.
A whole new identity.
Who are you?
- I am, once again,
the pride of Scotland,
as co-owner of a successful wind farming company.
- With me.
Billy and I will be attending
the energy conference
as partners.
Isn't that right, laddie?
Please, don't-don't do that.
It-it's...
Have you got
your cover memorized?
Quiz me.
Where are you from?
Kansas City.
Job?
I sell life insurance;
specializing in annuity vesting.
Parents' names?
Glen and Sheryl.
How'd they meet?
Wow. Was that in there?
No. I'm just curious.
Oh, uh...
they met through friends.
No, no. No, no.
They-they met at a bar.
They-they met at a bar
through friends...
And off to the fingernail
factory he goes.
You know what I don't get?
If I sell life insurance,
then what am I doing
at an energy conference?
You and Casey won't be going
to the energy conference.
You're running backup
on this mission.
Handle communications.
- Backup?
- You and I will be attending
a separate conference
at the same hotel.
Russian brides?
Yeah, you two will be lovelorn
losers looking for brides.
And I will be keeping
my fingers firmly crossed
for both of you.
* *
Welcome to the land of love.
Right this way, gentlemen.
Follow me.
This will be big success.
I have never seen
such a handsome group of men.
Lucky women.
Lucky, lucky women.
2:00-- Isn't that...?
Udi from Mossad.
Yeah, I saw him, too.
And that's not all.
That guy in the
blue leather jacket
at the hors d'oeuvre table?
Ah, Jean Pierre.
That jackass from
French Intelligence.
Face in the trough, as usual.
And I've seen others.
No signs of Victor.
It's like a bloody
spy convention.
Word must've gotten out.
All right. All clear,
we can talk.
How's it going?
I'm good for phones.
And I got to say,
I hate working backup.
Listen, Martinez, if you
want to do this kind of work,
you got to stop worrying about
the job you're not doing,
and focus on the job
you're expected to do.
But my job is to do nothing.
Exactly.
Now, come on--
let's get going.
Lucky, lucky women are
waiting for us in the bar.
Yeah.
* *
* *
Hi.
Do you speak English?
Yes, I speak very,
very good English. I...
Hi.
Speak English?
Not a word?
Perfect.
Come on.
Good one for you.
You. Come.
Hi.
Hello.
Hope to float
next year.
Anyway, that's me there.
Colin Bailey.
And remember, you can't go wrong
with Scottish wind farming.
362 days of pelting rain
and howling wings.
And the finest golf
on the planet.
Look forward to
hearing from you.
Edwin.
Colin.
There's our man Victor.
Right behind you.
Just landed a contract
with our Norwegian friends,
so the drinks are on me.
What are you having, mate?
Vodka.
One for me and my boy,
and another for, uh...
Victor, here.
So, Victor, what type of work
brings you to the conference?
I am retired.
Retired?!
But you still come
to the conferences.
Like to keep your
hand in the business?
Something like that.
You know what I think, Victor?
I think you retired too early.
You don't fold your tent
till you've got enough
stashed away to be able
to drink this instead of that.
It's not a well-paying
profession, as you know.
Oh, it could be.
Hmm?
If one had, for example,
a tangible asset
that could be
converted to cash.
In your mind, what would be
comfortable cushion to have?
$250,000.
Depending on the quality
of the tangible asset
in question, of course.
I think you gentlemen right.
We should talk more
about retirement plans,
before you leave.
That would be our pleasure.
Kansas City?
Is nice place?
Yes, it's, it's very nice.
- What is there to see?
- Oh, lots. Lots.
Um... Art galleries,
museums, the Royals.
Royals?
The Kansas City Royals.
Baseball team.
I would love to
see baseball one day.
Hm.
You will
take me to a game?
Yeah. I-I mean, sure.
Why not?
You don't like me, do you?
Sure I like you.
I like you a lot.
You seem like...
a very nice person.
Well, it's nice to meet you.
Jean Pierre--
how someone
that inept has
managed to stay alive
all these years,
I'll never know.
Bonjour.
Ah!
?a va, Jean Pierre.
What brings you to
beautiful Volgograd?
Thought I would do
a little shopping.
Same with us.
What a coincidence.
Put your money away, Michael.
The merchandise you want
has already been sold.
To me.
In fact, it is being
gift-wrapped this very minute
up on the sixth floor.
So, mes amis...
bonsoir.
It doesn't make any
sense-- why would Victor want
to make a deal with us,
if he already had a buyer?
If you can't trust an
unemployed nuclear scientist
desperate for money, then...
What?
Come on.
Slow down!
What, what are you thinking?
Victor wants both of us
to try and get the uranium.
See, you got adrenaline
on your side right now. I don't.
He's not selling it to anybody.
He's using it as bait.
Victor's working with
Russian Intelligence.
It's a spy trap.
Yeah, and we walked
right into it.
Spy trap?
We're certain the ODS has
not yet been compromised,
correct?
So far.
But they already made
contact with Victor.
Exposure risk remains high.
This should never
have happened.
Oh?
The mission was completely
misrepresented.
Fay pulled a fast one on me.
What can we do about the ODS?
It's already being done.
We have a highly placed
agent in Volgograd.
A car will drive the
ODS out of the city.
The less said about
the details, the better.
Well, that's, that's good news.
Glad I can put a little
sunshine into your day.
To make this extraction work,
the agent will be exposed.
Seven years of hard Agency
work to place this agent, gone.
Poof.
Just to clean up
after a screwup.
Yes, but...
You can go.
Car'll be here in
less than two hours.
Then off we'll go,
mission unaccomplished.
Doesn't sit well.
At least we know the Russians
have the uranium.
And you find that comforting?
They may be using that
uranium as bait right now,
but eventually it will get
sold to the wrong people.
It's love of the ruble,
not love of the motherland,
that drives Russia these days.
Uh... Irina.
Hi.
I... brought us
some drinks.
I hope that's okay.
Uh, yeah.
These are, uh,
these are my friends here.
Good night.
Um...
What... what
should I do?
Maintain your cover.
You like?
Yeah... yeah,
yeah, you look...
very nice.
Don't you want me?
Did you really come
here to find a wife?
Yeah, of course.
Then let me show you the
wife I would be for you.
Irina, I...
I can't take you to the States.
Why not?
It's not you, it's...
it's this. I...
I made a mistake
coming on this tour.
I, I... I don't want to
find my wife like this.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
No, I, I feel terrible.
No.
You are a good man.
You could have told me all this
20 minutes from now.
Fay!
Oh, you know that pesticide
thing in Volgograd?
Spy trap.
Don't worry, we're
pulling them out.
Did they confirm the uranium?
I believe so.
Does uranium qualify
as a pesticide?
Adele, I should have been
straight with you,
and I apologize.
Oh, no apology, please.
No, I owe you one.
I know you owe me one,
but I'm not going to accept it,
because if I do, then I'd
be forced to forgive you.
And I'm not ready to do that.
Which makes this, right now,
a little awkward-- socially.
Yeah.
Is this intended to make
me worry about you?
Don't worry about me.
Not right now.
No, right now...
you need to worry
about Higgins.
* *
Can I ask you a question?
Um, why are you here?
You don't want to hear this.
No, I do.
I want to go to America.
Life is hard here.
America, to me, seems like
such a hopeful place.
There are plenty of other guys
who would marry you right now.
Who, them?
I'm desperate,
but I'm not crazy.
Uh...
Irena, I have to, uh...
I have to go.
I mean, I got to...
Irina.
Oh, no.
What?
It's my ex-boyfriend.
Wait, hey...
I think it's time
for you to go home.
Alec!
Alec...
All right, we're good.
We're good.
We're good.
Okay. Okay.
Car's here-- we only
have a couple minutes.
Forget about the car.
There's been a glitch.
Come on.
This is...
That's not good.
Hey--
Did they let you go?
I just got to pay a fine.
Stick to your story and we're out of
here, get me?
Excuse me.
Please, pay fine over there.
Sir.
So I have gone over
file that you filled out.
And you came from Kansas City
to look for Russian wife?
That's right.
And where do you work?
Central Kansas Life Insurance.
Top employee three
months in a row.
Nice.
Yeah.
You live on Dodson Avenue?
1701 Dodson Avenue.
It's close to downtown.
Easy commute.
Hmm.
Is, uh...
the number-- the number
you call for work?
Yes.
Good.
Please call.
Call my work?
Access code is 810.
Welcome to Pizza Barn.
Can I take your order?
Hello?
I must have dialed
the wrong number.
No, you didn't.
You dialed correctly.
Which one is work then?
Insurance company
in Kansas City
or pizza restaurant
in Boise, Idaho?
So everything good here?
Sir, you're finished.
Please go.
Your friend stays.
Go.
Sure.
Are you certain 100%
his cover's blown?
Sky high.
But it was just
the captain though?
Local cop, no Russian
intelligence?
Not yet, but it's just
a matter of time, Michael.
The kid knew his cover
inside and out,
but technical services screwed
him six ways to Sunday
with a bad work number.
When we get back,
I am putting my thumb straight
through somebody's throat.
Have you notified HQ?
My next call, but what
are they going to do?
They'll either disavow
or make a trade.
- We need to get him ourselves.
- I got it covered.
You sound surprisingly
confident, Malick.
I'm not.
So you work for
Central Kansas Life
Insurance Company
which is also a barn for pizza?
Come on, help me
understand this.
I lied.
Okay.
I don't have a job.
The company fired me,
like, a year ago.
But I couldn't come here
and expect one of these women,
one of these beautiful women
would want to come home with a guy who's
living off of unemployment benefits.
There is an energy
conference in town.
It has brought much excitement
and money to Volgograd,
which we need.
But it has also
brought the GRU.
The... GRU?
Russian intelligence.
And they would be
suspicious of any American
who comes to Volgograd
telling lies.
Wait a minute.
You think I'm some sort of spy?
I don't know what to think.
And that is causing me, um...
...distress.
Have we had any calls
from the GRU?
Nothing yet.
Assuming that the Russians
are willing
to make a trade for Martinez,
What might we expect
them to ask for
in return?
We're currently holding
their Chechnyan field director.
An agent with personal
ties to Putin.
A former KGB officer
who managed to worm his
way into Lehman Brothers.
So it would be
a lopsided trade.
Definitely.
So common sense dictates
that we walk away.
Are we seriously considering
disavowing?
Every option has
to be considered
because we're screwed.
And we're screwed
because someone fed
this department
a reckless soft sell.
Let's try and get Collins,
Malick and Dorset
out of Russia with
the bride tour.
Be sure to paper customs
channels ahead of them.
Make it rain money
if you have to.
And Martinez?
We buy some time.
If the Russians contact us,
we ignore the first call--
say we don't know what they're talking
about in the second call,
and hope there's not a third.
So many love matches.
So much romance.
It make my heart soar.
Come with me.
My buddy is in jail.
I cannot help you.
I have a business to run.
Fine. You want
to talk business,
let's talk business.
Because if this isn't fixed,
I am now not taking
home a bride
and my buddy in jail is not
taking home a bride.
And that's two commissions
you'll never see.
Believe me when I tell you
that I could end
five of these marriages
in less than a minute.
You want me to start
telling these simpletons
how many of their
hot Russian brides
are already married
here in Russia?
Or point out how many of them
already have
kids they're hiding,
and they're planning on
springing on them,
right when they get
back to the States?
They will not believe
anything you say.
They are not like you.
They are blind with love.
Okay...
My stomach is upset.
It's where I keep my worry.
My friend is in trouble,
and you are going to fix it,
because if you don't,
I will rip you in half!
Okay.
Now let's get this going.
Um, what did you
say in there, anyway?
He asked me if I believed
you came to Russia
to find a wife.
I told him you did.
And that you found one.
She's no dummy.
She just talked her way
into America.
Let's go.
- Good luck with your happily ever after, yeah?
- Yeah.
Here are your visa packets.
Have them notarized and you
can start your fairy tale.
Hear you're getting married.
We are most definitely going
to Vegas for your stag do.
It's a scam marriage.
All the more reason
to celebrate.
Casey, tour guide cooperated?
He's agreed to put your
passports in the stack.
He'll rubber stamp
them at the airport.
Good. How much
time do we have?
How much do you need?
15. We're going back up.
What?
We came here for the uranium,
we're leaving with the uranium.
Michael has strong feelings
about the threat
of loose nuclear materials.
Plus, Fay's ass is on the line.
She stuck her neck out
for us on this one.
We go back empty-handed,
she may be out of a job.
We'll hold the bus.
Gentlemen, come in.
Can I get you both a drink?
Oh, no.
No, thank you.
How about we get
the show on the road?
Sure.
Here it is.
Where is money?
Nice.
You know, we should go up there.
They may need us.
You're probably not wrong.
But, if we leave this bus,
it's gonna leave without us.
You go.
I'll hold the bus.
That's really ten
kilograms, huh?
What?
You've got something stuck
in your teeth.
No, it's still there.
Really? This is
bothering you now?
I can't help it.
Sorry.
Apologies.
That kind of thing
really creeps me out.
What are you talking about?
There's nothing in my teeth.
Don't move.
Good God, laddie,
you didn't have to kill him.
Two wives.
Excuse me?
This is my business.
Two seats on the bus
will cost you two wives.
Should I break his neck?
The man does have
to make a living.
Visa packets, and visa packets.
Congratulations.
Our grandchildren are going to love
this story.
* *
* *
Come in.
You wanted to see me?
You know, they say disappointment can
wear away at the soul.
And this job specializes
in disappointment.
I'm ready for whatever
punishment you see fit.
I'm not going to fire you.
I'm not even
going to punish you.
You're too valuable to me.
If I punish you, I'm cutting off
my right hand.
I'd rather you
cut off your right hand.
You're great at your job.
You just have one flaw;
one blind spot.
Deal with it.
Since when is our house
on the market?
We agreed to move on,
and that means
selling the house.
We've dragged our heels
long enough.
I thought maybe securing
ten kilograms
of weapons-grade uranium
from the Russians
and making you look
brilliant in the process
would have bought
some good will.
Stop, Michael, please.
Just making a joke.
This isn't a joke.
I almost lost my job over this.
It's like I decide things,
and it's good,
and then you affect me.
I can't keep doing this.
Okay.
We'll sell the house.
So that's where we are.
I promised her she could stay.
It's the least we can do.
A little tricky.
I mean, technically,
this doesn't fall into the
category of political asylum.
All she's looking for
is a better future.
Nothing more than
what we all want.
And she's adorable.
Don't you think?
She... uh...
Yeah, I guess.
Well, I'm thinking she would be
happy living in Phoenix.
Yeah.
So...
Okay, thank you.
You okay, Martinez?
Yeah. It's just...
I could've been
one of these stars.
We all could have.
Well, I think we deserve a night
of havoc and debauchery
in honor of our shotgun
marriages and speedy divorces.
Agreed.
And drinks are on me.
To what miracle do we owe
this burst of generosity?
Don't ask questions.
It's a free drink.
I'm coming into money.
Decided to sell my house.
Hold
the elevator.