Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 17, Episode 11 - Bestest Bits 2017 - full transcript
Keith Lemon looks back over all the funniest moments of the year so far from the outrageous comedy panel show, alongside Holly Willoughby, Fearne Cotton and Gino D'Acampo.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC)
(CHUCKLES) Morning.
As you can see, it's me, Keith Lemon,
and I'm doing the links
for the compilation show for the best
bits of series 17.
I'm filming it all by myself on my
telephone.
I will arise from my pit, get in the
shower,
clean my pink bits and get on with my
day.
So, come along and enjoy yourself.
I'm Keith Lemon. Check out my new
sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking, 'What the
fuck is going on?'
It's just another over-elaborate
metaphor for how totally rad this
show is.
There's Holly Willoughboozy firing
space lasers from her massive tits.
There's Fearne Cotton riding a giant
cock spaceship.
There's Gina D'Acampo firing dough
balls.
Here we are taking a selfie. Online
presence.
We made it to the studio just in time
for the bestselling show on telly.
What's that show?
It's Celebrity Juice on t'telly. Not
in 3D. I fucking wish it were though.
You're joining me as you um...
Cut. I'll do that again.
Yeah, so I'm gonna film all day and
do links for the programme.
I think you can see a little cheeky
reflection of my cheeks
behind over there. Never mind.
OK, before I get dressed
let's have a quick recap
at some of the best bits of Celebrity
Juice...
starting with this little piece now.
Ore Obiscuit. You have got a really
embarrassing secret.
Oh, gosh. What have you got? You're
scared of birds, aren't you? <
Why are you scared of the flange
then? (LAUGHTER)
Different kind of birds. That's why
we've put you on a team of all
(LAUGHTER) But don't worry, there's
no seagulls in here.
We've checked the studio and there's
no birds.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Is it real? It's not real.
Is it real? It's just a toy one.
Please, I've got to see that again.
Let's look at an action replay of
(CHUCKLES) Morning.
As you can see, it's me, Keith Lemon,
and I'm doing the links
for the compilation show for the best
bits of series 17.
I'm filming it all by myself on my
telephone.
I will arise from my pit, get in the
shower,
clean my pink bits and get on with my
day.
So, come along and enjoy yourself.
I'm Keith Lemon. Check out my new
sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking, 'What the
fuck is going on?'
It's just another over-elaborate
metaphor for how totally rad this
show is.
There's Holly Willoughboozy firing
space lasers from her massive tits.
There's Fearne Cotton riding a giant
cock spaceship.
There's Gina D'Acampo firing dough
balls.
Here we are taking a selfie. Online
presence.
We made it to the studio just in time
for the bestselling show on telly.
What's that show?
It's Celebrity Juice on t'telly. Not
in 3D. I fucking wish it were though.
You're joining me as you um...
Cut. I'll do that again.
Yeah, so I'm gonna film all day and
do links for the programme.
I think you can see a little cheeky
reflection of my cheeks
behind over there. Never mind.
OK, before I get dressed
let's have a quick recap
at some of the best bits of Celebrity
Juice...
starting with this little piece now.
Ore Obiscuit. You have got a really
embarrassing secret.
Oh, gosh. What have you got? You're
scared of birds, aren't you? <
Why are you scared of the flange
then? (LAUGHTER)
Different kind of birds. That's why
we've put you on a team of all
(LAUGHTER) But don't worry, there's
no seagulls in here.
We've checked the studio and there's
no birds.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Is it real? It's not real.
Is it real? It's just a toy one.
Please, I've got to see that again.
Let's look at an action replay of