Cash Register (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Super-Food - full transcript

Kan 11 presents

This is spirulina.
- Spirulina.

Chia seeds.
-Chia.

Today's a festive day
in the supermarket.

We got a new line of products

It's called "Super-food."

You have "supermarket..."

And you have "Super-food."
The most amazing thing in the world.

Regular consumption of chia seeds
increases the serotonin in the body,

it's rich in antioxidants,
an ideal source of enzymes.

All this... in one chia?



Get this on film.
So no one says I'm making it up.

And all this right here,
at "Issachar Bounty."

Serotonin anyone?
Enzyme for the soul?

Do people even know
what super-food is?

Oh! That's why we s$t up a super-food
sample stand, free of charge.

First you taste,
then you buy.

Slowly, slowly.

Or as the vegans say, "tofu-tofu?"

Tofu.

Checkout

"Super-food"

Good morning, Amnon.
-Not interested.

Do you feel alright, Amnon?
-I said, no thank you. I'm good.

You're good? -I have all the medicines,
bandages and stuff you try to push on me.



What medicine? This is a supermarket,
not a pharmacy.

Then to answer your question,
I feel like crap.

Fatigue, itchiness, diarrhea,
mouth ulcers, burning whenever I...

Okay, Amnon, no need to go into...
-But you asked.

Amnon, you do look a little..

Have you seen a doctor recently?
-I saw and I heard.

This 30 year old kid
tells me it's just stress.

Does he even know me?
Did he grow up with me?

Stress, he tells me!

Oh! Pleasant morning to you,
Mr. Titinsky.

She bombed, so she sent you?
Tell her, not interested!

As you wish, Mr. Amnon.

Hey! Pleasant morning to you,
Mrs. Yitzhaki.

Would you like to sample
our new super-food

free of charge?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa...

What did you say?
-Sample. -No, after that.

The new super-food?
-After that. -Free of charge? -Oh.

Excuse me, he was talking to me.
-Lady, we're in the middle here.

Disgusting. -What's that?
-Spirulina.

It's a microscopic single-cell algae
that increases blood flow

and increases serotonin.

Ah? -What is this?

It's disgusting.

Give me some... Yes.

What's this? -Energy mushrooms.

Even worse.
Give me some more.

It's free of charge, right?
-I see you don't like the taste.

Leave my considerations to me, okay?

More, more. -Sure thing.
-Disgusting. -Is that all you can say?

Do you have a super-food
that expands ones vocabulary?

Vocabulary, vocabulary...

Get this,
a video that will break the Internet.

Me... leaning over the register
in a striped bodysuit. -What?

Like a zebra. -Okay.

I make these seductive gestures
like a zebra, the narrator narrates:

"Issachar Bounty. Super sexy."

Super, as in supermarket...
Will it break the web?

Hi, guys, may I ask what you're doing?
-No.

Kohava is helping me with ideas
for an online campaign.

Here's another one. Me again,
a bodysuit with spots, like a cheetah.

I walk by the egg fridge...
-Hold on, hold on. Excuse me.

What online campaign?
-Didn't I tell you?

Issachar Shkedi wants me to launch
an online department.

What's the word he used?
-Striped? -Digital, digital.

His grandson told him,
if you're not online, you don't exist.

Since then it's,
"What's with the digital?"

person who can't read a digital watch.
-Hold on, guys, guys...

I'm sure you know
that I'm an expert in the field,

not to mention, an Internet celeb.

A celeb? -Maybe a type of fish?

An Internet influencer.

I know everything there is to know
about social media.

I assume it's the poetry slam,
but maybe it's the videos I posted...

What is she saying? -I don't know,
I didn't get it a I never tried.

Hey,
we can do the campaign together.

Yeah, you and me.
-Could anything be more fun than that?

Actually, yes.
How about you do it alone?

Alone? -Me, I have a weekend
in Varna coming up.

Finally you're good for something.
-Wow. Okay, Avihai,

thank you, I'd love to. I really...

I can feel all the ideas
running through my head.

No! I don't want to hear it!
-Why? I'm full of ideas.

When you have videos, talk to me.

Until then, you're like a fish.
Sshhh...

Take a look at this!
Whassup!

Quiet in the supermarket!

Give it up for the digital manager!

I confess, I didn't think
I would ever see the day.

So this is the video we decided on.

I'm lying in the chicken display case
in a topless bodysuit...

No, Kohava,
Kohava, I'm sorry.

There's a suggestion box
outside my office. -Fine.

So I'm lying on the suggestion box
outside your office,

scantily dressed, with Ramzi...
-No, Kohava, you're way off base.

No, no.
-Do you want to break the web or not?

Well, I'm asking you.

Finally chain management got smart
and is giving me more authority

besides... managing that bunch of...

What is it I always say?
You have Shira Steinbuch. Use her.

Wheatgrass.
It's a super-food.

Blessed morning, Mr. Titinsky.
-Blessed?

Did you put anti-wart cream
on your mother this morning?

Not on Mondays.
Only my grandmother.

What?
-What?

At least your health has improved.
-Improved? What's with the diagnoses?

Yesterday you asked me to carry
two yogurts to the checkout for you.

Now you're carrying
a heavy load on your own.

Hold on.
It must be the super-food!

Those pine cones you gave me?
I've licked rugs that taste better.

So you won't be wanting
free samples today.

There he goes again,
jumping to conclusions. Fill 'em up.

Any new products?
-Interesting you should ask.

We got this today. Wheatgrass.
And curcumin. -What's that?

Curcumin.

What's this? -No, no,

they're loquat pits,
they go to the garbage.

That's not super-food.
That's super-trash.

Ramzi!

Ramzul! Ramzul!
-Mr. Amnon, you look great!

I feel good too, Ramzul.
I'm all better.

No more ulcers, itchiness,
burning sensation when I pee.

The hemorrhoids...
-You're all better, yes,

you made yourself clear.
-Thanks to you, Ramzul,

and thanks to the shubi-dubi.
-You mean the goji berry.

Boji boji, shubi-dubi...
What's the difference? I'm cured.

Where's the super-food stand?

I have to recharge.
-Of course. Follow me, Amnon.

Mr. Amnon, here's the thing,
the super-food introduction... -Yes?

That included the free samples?
-Yes. -Ended yesterday.

But have no fear,
all the products are right here,

you can purchase them
at very affordable prices.

Purchase? -This, for example.

Goji berry,
which you lovingly call "shubi-dubi."

This must be a mistake.
It says 40 shekels. -39.90.

40 shekels for raisins?!
Does that make sense to you?

What's 39.90 compared to good health?
-Even if this guarantees immortality,

I'm not paying 40 shekels!

"Issachar Bounty"

You won't believe who I got
for the "Issachar Bounty" online campaign.

Are you sitting down?

Michael Eshet Blum
and Dan-Dan Pazielli!

Yes!

Who?
-"Who?"

Michael Eshet Blum
and Dan-Dan Paziell’i! Hey!

I'm sure you just don't remember...
The video of the cracker traveling in time?

The cracker traveling in time!
-I don't know it.

You don't know it?
Aren't you on Facebook?

Are you on the planet?
Beverly Hills pigeons.

No?!

Anyway, I contacted them,
they're coming to the supermarket

to discuss the campaign,
I don't believe it.

I'm so excited you're here. You're...
You can't...

I'm so... No...
Here...

This is... I'm so...
Why am I like this?

In my gang,
and yes, I have a gang,

so we're... constantly quoting
from Gabi Amrani marries Tropit.

Gabi Amrani marries Tropit is so...

It's so smart and so...
precise and the humor is...

you don't know if it's funny or...

It's something else.
I'm so glad you're here.

Well, I'm Shira Steinbuch

and I'm the "Issachar Bounty"
digital supervisor

and the video we want
is exactly what you do, all the...

the... This thing you bring
to all the... That.

But it has to appeal
to the supermarket consumers.

What did you say your name was?
-Shira.

Shira, we don't really have a "thing."
We do nonsense. -Pure nonsense.

Not pseudo-nonsense,
not post-nonsense,

not shitty hipster suck-up nonsense.
Just pure-nonsense. -Yes.

So how about not explaining to us
what makes people laugh,

'coz that's not our shit.

Obviously.

This is what we'll do.

A brief description of the supermarket.

Okay.
-And you'll... What? What?

If your shit is interfering in our art
and explaining "this is funny, this isn't,"

then not so much.
-No, no, come back.

Shame on me! Shame on...
Shira, you're an idiot!

Sit back down.
You're so not getting me,

feel that we're...

you know... missing...
Sit, sit, I'm so into your vibe

and I'm so, so cool. We don't...
-We don't need, nor do we want

to know about your supermarket.
-We'll send you a video next week.

Yes-yes, no-no.
-Yes, yes, yes, yes. No "no." Yes.

Aight.

You said "aight,"like in the video.
"Aight."

"Kids, mom's a bag."
Aight, aight. What a video!

So smart, so justified,
so precise. You...

You're the gospel.

Keep pictures of twigs
away from Facebook,

we're going to burn up the web!

Boom!

Fire!

Two days without shubi-dubi
and look at me.

Bunch of drug dealers.
-What do you mean?

First they gave me some free dope,
to get me addicted. Now I have to buy it.

Hey. What's wrong Mr. Titinsky?
Are the symptoms back? -Oh.

The head dealer is here.
-What? No.

You must mean my cousin Nazim.
We look very much alike. Copy.

Ah, alright.

Here you go.

Is it still 39.90?
-Feel pleasant.

Excuse me,
where's the super-food section?

Here, young lady.

Now you're dealing to kids?
Have you no shame?

Piece of rubbish...

So I'm lying on the conveyor
with a bowtie. Only a bowtie.

All smooth, like I like...
Wait, I'll tell you after.

And the winner of...
the 2019 sourpuss award is...

Is...

Is...

Amnon fucking Titinsky!

What do you want?
-Come on, just let me go.

No way! You're kidding me!

Are you sure? It's 40 shekels.

You didn't spend that much
in all of 2019. -You're telling me?

What a big spender!

Wow.

Gimme.

Is it that hard to part, sweetie?
Let go.

There will be another one.
Maybe not the same,

but you have my word.

Separate your finger from your thumb,
like this, just separate them.

I'll pull, you'll take out.
Let go, like this.

Very good.

Okay, so...

Michael and Dan-Dan
completed the long awaited video

two days before the deadline.

I haven't seen it, of course.

I can't wait for the premiere,
with Avihai. This is unbelievable.

Do you get that Michael Eshet Blum
and Dan-Dan Pazielli

made the campaign
for "Issachar Bounty"?

People will be talking about it
for years, for years.

Sometimes my own success
surprises myself.

I am so excited.

We're about to watch an online video...

Ramzi, stop.

Uh... I'm excited

and we're about to watch
the first online video

of the colossal retailer,
"Issachar Bounty."

Okay, I want to say a big thank you
to these super geniuses,

Michael Eshet Blum
and Dan-Dan Pazielli.

Great, where's the third?
-They're only two.

All those names are two people?

Anyway...

I am grateful, on behalf of myself
and the supermarket for your genius

and for giving us a little
of what you know about our supermarket

and if I could be a mosquito...
-Miss Mosquito, can we see the video?

Yes, of course.
-Then let's see the video.

I haven't seen it
and I'm already laughing. -Great.

"Issachar Bounty"

Right?

Excellent. Nice.
Now let's see the real video.

Ah?-Avihai...-What?
-That's the real video.

"That's the real video"?
That's a rooster exploding on the moon.

What does that have to do
with the supermarket?

Maybe it ties in with...
the chicken section.

No. Wait, Avihai.

It's... a metaphor on...
the current retail situation. It's...

Ah! A metaphor! Then say it's a metaphor!
-Chickens... It's a metaphor.

You know what metaphor I saw?
-What?

You at the unemployment bureau
looking for a job

and eating food from a dumpster.
That's the metaphor that I saw.

How's that?!
-We don't need this shit.

What shit? Shit?
Are you referring to me?

Maybe it's a metaphor.
No, that's not what we said.

A metaphor?!

Listen to me,
we have two days until the deadline.

Take the budget I gave you,
deduct the money you paid those shits

and make a video
that's about the supermarket.

That's just it, Avihai,
the budget... you gave me... -What?!

It's running out.
-Why, how much did this cost?

Huh? "Running out"?
How much did it cost?

They are major creators...
-Great. How much did it cost?

How much did it cost?

There was an editing session too.
-How much did it cost?

How much? How much?
How much money? -20,000.

20,000 for this crap?!
-It's a metaphor.

Do you know what you're saying?!
20,000?!

Oh... look who's back.

Hello, Amnon.
To what do I owe the honor?

Don't hello me, you drug dealer.
A refund. Thank you.

Reason for the refund?
-These guji-buji are bad.

I see that the expiry date
of these guji-buji is in two months.

These guji-buji are just fine,
too bad I can't say the same about you.

Just fine?

Then how come last week I ate a sample
and I felt like Nadia Comaneci

and this time, nothing.
Look at me.

Have you ever seen me looking so bad?
-Yes, I always see you looking so bad.

I won't go into how especially bad
you look today.

Ha ha ha, ho ho ho.
-Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho ho.
-Hold on, hold on.

I think I'm on to something.

When you ate the guji-buji for free,
you felt good.

When you paid forthem, you felt bad.
-True.

Don't be alarmed.
You don't have to pay for this.

From me. On me. Free.

Free.

Take it.

Free?
-Free.

Yes.

Nice, huh? Wait a second.
I'll open this up too. Spoil you.

You see? The full treatment.
From me to you. On me.

On me. Free.

Enjoy. Knock yourself out.

Ah? How do you feel?

A bit better. -Wait.
Here. -Free? -Free. Enjoy.

Ah, sweetheart?

How do you feel? -Much better.
-What did I tell you?

Maybe the... the...
sugar in the wafer invigorates...

the... -No, no, sweetie.
It's not the sugar.

It's the free.

It's not the super-food.

The free is your super-food.

You could eat sand for free
and it would help you.

I don't buy that dime-store psychology.
-That's right, because it's a dime.

But what if it were free?

I'm giving it to you for free.

You see?
So sweet, he's smiling. How cute.

Let's make a deal, between us.

I'll give you one yogurt free every week.
-I smell a stipulation...

You're right.

If you film me on the conveyor.
-Okay. -Start filming.

Wait, I'm getting ready.
-What are you doing, Kohava?

This is a public place.
-Do you want the yogurt or not?

"Issachar Bounty," super sexy.

That's awesome.
-What did I say? Did I say or not?

You said, you said. -Huh? Huh?
-Good for you. It's great.

Wait, I want to know,

what do you think,
as an Internet influencer?

That you said, okay? You said, Kohava.
-I rest my case.

How many views did it get?
-320,000.

320,001.

320,002.
-Take a lesson, Shira.

This is how you make a video.

Bless your eyes, play it again.

Play it again.
-320,003.

320,004.
-Play it again. -320,005.

And eight...

And ten...

Did I tell you that I do poetry slam?
-You may have mentioned it.

Well, I do. I post them every week.
I'm really into it.

How about I show you a short one?
-Actually, we have to pack it in.

You won't regret it, it's short...
-We really have to go.

"In a movie,
in a movie in your world,

"sittin' on a couch,
you with camera.

"Kiss me, kiss me,
my heart shouts silently,

"but you're into yours,
between action and cut.

"Is it in my mind?
Is it an illusion?

"Kiss me, kiss me,
director of love."

What do you think, Oren?

Stop talking to me.

Sorry, I didn't hear a thing.
Someone yelled in my earphone.

Can you repeat what you just said?

Uh...
Can you repeat what you said?

No... you didn't hear any of it?

That's okay, nevermind.

Translation: Tammy King
Subtitles: Trans Titles Ltd.