Cash Register (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Purim - full transcript

Kan 11 presents

"Issachar Bounty

"The price is cheap,
the customer precious."

Seriously?
-Why not?

That's the song you want
at your wedding?

What a question.

Do you know a song
that's more perfecto?

Checkout

"Anatoly butts in"

What's that?
-What’s what?

What's what.
You devoured all the cucumbers.



I only had three.
-Three kilos, maybe.

No, you're not for real.
-Oh, I'm for real.

Wanna feel? All natural.
-Kohava, gimme a break.

Whatever's left is mine.
-You gonna keep tabs now?

And how. I sliced them,
I eat them. -They're not yours.

I don't believe you.
-I sliced them. -Kohava's right.

What?! -What?!

Esti ate six cucumbers.
-Why are you butting in?

There you go.
Listen to the judges.

He's reading a newspaper,
how does he know who ate what?

He knows, he's a man of truth.

Truth, right.

Don't do me any favors.
I'll warm up my food.

Enjoy.
-Thank you.



Mmm, very delicious.

What's this?
-A micro wave.

You didn't have one in your village?
It turns and has a light.

Who puts a microwave on for 17 minutes?
-I'm making rice.

Oh yeah?
I'm not waiting 17 minutes.

Good thing it's not cholent.
Put it on 24 hours, why don't you?

If I want to make cholent
and I have dibs on the microwave,

I'll make cholent
and you'll wait patiently.

Oh yeah? -Don't touch it!
-I will. -Don't you touch my rice!

Esti is right.
-Dude...

What?! -What?!

Make rice at home.
Microwave is for everyone,

warm up low to medium. Only.
-"A man of truth..."

"Integrity, righteous."

I knew you as a man of truth
with integrity, but recently...

Anatoly has a severe problem,
pathological even.

He always has to butt in.
-What do you mean?

What I mean... -What Nissim is trying...
-Here we go. Live.

You asked me, he butts in.

It doesn't matter
if he knows the people

or if anyone asked him,
Anatoly butts in, it's a reflex.

Very nice. -No, no...
That was just a little taste.

The real cabaret^ tomorrow,
in the kibbutz dining hall.

At what time?
-Doors*open at 8 p.m.

8:01 the audience bails.
-What? -Oh-, I can't.

You know, inventory,
stuff Like that...

Some other time.
-That's too bad.

Bad luck. -Bad bad luck.
-Why bad luck?

Anatoly, don't butt in.
-Nissim, I'll replace you,

it's no problem, you go to...
the concert in Yiddish.

But... I can't leave you alone
with the inventory,

all that lugging...
-For Nissim and Chibotero,

I'll give my back, my head, everything.
-Anatoly. -No Anatoly, be calm.

I said, no problem, dismissed,
go see Yiddish musical.

I told you a thousand times:
Don't butt in!

Go stick your nose in tissue.
-Fine, Master Nissim.

Cool it, superstar.

The concert's in one hour.
Go or you'll be late.

Remember this - you'll regret
all the times you butt in.

To hell with your excuses.

"Issachar Bounty"

"It's been said before,
it's not original..."

Amnon Titinsky!

Too bad I wasn't talking
about the Ladino Brothers.

Just when I need 0.10 coins
for the cash register.

This is one shekel and...
-Not today, Kohava, not today.

What happened?
-A gift card.

What's that?
-A gift card, baby.

Someone got a holiday gift.

Nice, huh?
From work, for the holiday.

I went all the way to the Technion for it.
And then what do they say?

"You're Yuri's neighbor
from operations, right?

"Take one for him too."
Excuse me?!

I could have gotten a gift without coming in?
Now you tell me?

And if Yuri wants a gift card,
he can travel three hours by bus.

Look in back, what does it say?
-"Billabong," "Opticana,"

"subject to terms and conditions."
-"Issachar Bounty." You know it?

Remember the ugly sign
hanging outside?

Says so on the gift card.
Come on, swipe it.

You need a card for yogurt,
yogurt-card. -Look at that,

she swipes the card
and presto, the yogurt is free.

I don't pay a thing.

It's called a gift card.
-Disgusting.

What's wrong?
-I don't know.

I guess the register is allergic
to your card.

Let's see...
We'll try all the techniques.

Again.

No.

Is that necessary?

Well?

It doesn't work.
What can I say? It doesn't work!

Oh!!! No.

Bro, just pay
so we can get outta here.

Disgusting.
-First of all, you can go, bro.

No one is keeping you here.
You too, sister.

Forgive me for having a gift card
and you don't.

A bit of goodwill never killed anyone.

"Bro! Bro!"
-Ramzi!

Ramzi, please come here, save me.
-Yes, Ms. Kohava.

You know all the discounts, right?
-I won't toot my own horn...

Well, this toot claims
he has this gift card

and it won't go through.
And it's been through every slit.

Let's see.

You see?

She just tried that!

Sir, to each his own touch.

Chef Aharoni's risotto
is not like Chef Moshik Roth's.

It's very odd.

I have not one mention
in my archive of Amnon's gift card.

It must be a collector's item.

Take your hands out of your pockets.

And stand straight.

You'd think I'm married to a child.
-Sorry. -Don't apologize.

Shall we begin?
-No, let's wait for the Messiah...

The director said "action." Begin.
-Okay, hello, I'm Mosh Weiss,

Shuni's husband.
-Mosh Weiss Stratiner. -Right.

I'm still not used to it, sorry.
Mosh Weiss Stratiner.

So you're Weiss
and you added Shuni's last name?

No, no, no. Weiss is my maiden name.
Stratiner's my ex-husband.

We decided to forego his last name.
-It's more convenient for the kids.

126.
-Hi, Nissim.

Three kilos of butcher's steak,
not fibrous, from the VIP.

Would I give you anything else?

How about we get schnitzel as well?

Schnitzel?

You want me to serve
my cousins from New York schnitzel...

It's my birthday.
-That I'm organizing.

Mosh, you want to,
organize your own birthday

with schnitzels, apple juice and a clown.
It's either or...

Okay, I just thought...
-Then don't think, Mishmosh.

Leave that to me,
that's why we're a winning team.

What's that?

Please. Toothpaste...

It's because you don't brush
the way I told you to.

Okay, I'm in the cheese section,
make sure you get the VIP.

Why does wife talk to you like that?
-Anatoly... -Like what?

Like falling leaves...
Trampling on you.

Anatoly, don't butt in.
-You mean you can tell?

Is that what it looks like?
-No, he meant... -Worse!

You're a man, no?
-Yes, but...

Is anyone home in your pants
or is it empty? -It's not empty.

Then why do you give in?
You want schnitzel?

Get schnitzel, like a man!
Get schnitzel! -No, Anatoly.

"If you're a rag,
they wipe the toilet with you."

In Russian it rhymes.

You know what?

Give me schnitzel.
-Thank you, have a nice day.

Nissim, Nissim, go ahead.

All day long, "don't butt it,
no butting in, don't butt in."

When he says "don't butt in,"
isn't that butting in?!

Yes, the birthday is at three.

Mosh is working until four,
he'll join us.

Hold on, Petzkaleh,
the supermarket's giving me grief.

What's this?

I thought we'd get schnitzel after all.
It's my birthday and...

I asked for schnitzel.
-Am I talking to a wall?

Tell him to cancel it.

I want schnitzel. -Mosh.

I don't know where you went,

but put "reality" in the GPS
and come back to us.

I don't want to be used
as a toilet rag.

What?

I want schnitzel.

It's my birthday
and I want schnitzel.

And if I want schnitzel,

I will have schnitzel.
Period, comma, out.

Okay.

Alright.

Here's your schnitzel,
Mosh Weiss Stratiner.

Klughaft. -Excuse me?

Mosh Weiss Stratiner Klughaft.
I have a last name too.

Klughaft.

Klughaft.

Now this is a man, Nissim!

"A woman is like a shower in jail,

"you bend down once,
you get surprise in the trunk."

In Russian it rhymes!

Anything else, Mr. Glufbef?

And he tells me not to butt in.

I'm telling you,
I fix people's lives. I'm...

a mentor! Like that guy,
the redhead, the bald one, from TV...

Yaron Gal? Arnon Tai?
What's his name?

Dubi Gal? -Yes!

I should have had a TV show long ago.

Call Anatoly, get advice.
-Does it rhyme in Russian? -No.

"Issachar Bounty"

Let's try the spray method?

I absorb it.

I dry it.

Darn.
-But it's clean.

Did you try this?

Sure, maybe your weight will do it.
-Could be.

Hang on.

Now it will work for sure.

Nada.

I'm sorry, Mr. Titinsky.
I never came across this model.

I got it from work for the holiday!
Three buses. -Where do you work?

At the supermarket fraud center?
-Disgusting.

How about taking this up over there?
I got ice cream melting here, bro.

You're going to make me cry, bro!
His ice cream is melting, bro!

No one goes through,
not bro, not sister, not ice cream!

Hey, hey, hey,
stop, off, confirm.

What's going on here?
-This Thomas Edison of stinginess

invented a new card,
he's trying to rip us off.

Oh yeah? I have nothing better to do?
Invent a card for 1.60?

Wait, did you try to swipe it with paper?
-With paper, yes! -Amnon, center.

Alright, no problem.

I'll call the main hub
and we'll figure this out.

Until I don't check, I don't...
-Let me wipe up here. -Decide.

"I want to stop my wandering..."

Kohava, you're disturbing me.

"One more winding road..."

"One more twisting road...

"In the end, we are alone..."

Kohava and Ramzi, I can't hear.
-Sorry, Big Boss.

"I returned, thinking only

"of your lips kissing..."

Disgusting.
-Almost. "Me."

"I came close to your heart...

"Until you say, stay with me."

Anatoly, why do you always
have to butt in? -What?

Amnon Titinsky,
the computer can't identify your card.

It can't identify? What is it, a dead body?
What's to identify?

I'm so sorry,
maybe this time you'll pay with cash

and I promise
I'll look into it next time. -Next time?

No, no, no. Hell no.
I'm not budging, on principle.

God have mercy.
-What did he say

He said... -What?

Princie. Princie.
That's my... pet name. Princie.

I am Princie, he is Princecuckoo.

He said what I heard him say!
-No, no, Kohava.

No!
-No, no, Kohava, please.

No, no...
-Give me the card.

Let go of my card!

It read it.

The computer read it!

It's a gift card miracle!

I invent cards, huh?
Shame on you. Shame on you.

Shame on all of you.
-Amnon, let's not point fingers.

Guys, this incident is behind us,
we'll let you all go.

Amnon, your card is empty.
-What?

Empty, zero balance.
You used it all up.

That's the downfall of living with Mom.

You forget to take your pouch
to the bathroom and this is what happens.

You held us up for this?
-We're looking into these things.

Quiet. Quiet!

I don't want to hear a word.
Not a word. -What charisma...

Zero personality, zero balance.
It all comes together.

What's that?
-Yuri's card.

We got two kinds at work.

You did? -Unbelievable.
-Believe it, believe it.

Believe and fear not.

Swipe the card.
Swipe the card.

Try it with paper.
-I'll go straight to this.

Let me.
-With the heel, with the heel,

stomp hard, on the magnetic stripe.
-With the pointy part.

Gluflex. -Oh my, who is here?
The head of the family!

How's it going, Mr. Glufhaft?
Wifey doesn't treat you like a rag?

No, she doesn't.
-The method works, Nissim.

She's not talking to me at all.

I got home,
she tossed all my stuff out the window.

We're on the 11th floor.

Way to go, huh?

A relationship mentor.

The "method."
-Oh no.

Don't cry. Here.

Me, Nissim, we care. Don't cry...
-Hey. Nissim? What Nissim?

I have nothing to do with this.
-You have nothing to do with this?

Anatoly, you made the porridge...
you eat it! Bon appetit!

Hey. Nissim!

Fine, no problem,
don't do me any favors.

We've got this.

Nissim.

What's the matter, Boss? What?
Stop crying.

I said "stop crying."

In a day or two
Scarlett Yohanson will be back.

On all fours...
Crawling, not on all fours, on all eight.

Go, find a friend, say:
I have alittle problem,

can I stay with you?

I have a little problem,
can I stay with you?

What? No, idiot, that's not...
Go to a friend, a good friend.

You're my best friend.
-I don't know your name.

Mosh.

Anatoly. -Anatoly.
-Ah, how awesome, huh?

Anatoly, did you tell Gluflex
about your vacant room?

Don't butt in. -Yes, tell him.
-Do you have a room for me?

No. I mean... there's a room..

but it's... Masha sprayed bugs,

you can't sleep,
you'd wake up like a cockroach.

I understand, it's okay.
-Wait, how about your grandma's couch?

She's away at a health farm.
-Yes, but the couch is... small.

You're a big man... Your back...
Rheumatism, you can't.

It's alright, Anatoly, I...
I sleep on the footstool,

the dog sleeps on the couch.

Beautiful.
Look how everything works out, huh?

What is it Grandma used to say?
You make your bed, you lie in it.

It doesn't rhyme in Moroccan.

There are no rhymes in Moroccan,
only sayings and curse words.

Here you go. Have a nice day.
-Thank you very much.

Oh, good morning, Super Nanny.
-Nissim, no time, no time.

He's coming now, help me.
-What's wrong?

Mosh on the couch, all night:
"Shuni, Shuni. What have I done?"

The couch is all wet and it's new,
I bought it last month.

I have a good idea for you.
-What?

Dial the "Call Anatoly,
get advice" hotline.

Maybe they have advice for you.
-Nissim, stop, it's not funny.

It's your mistake, it's very funny.
-Nissim, I'm begging you.

It's a disaster,
Chernobyl in my home.

I'll help you
if you promise me one thing.

Whatever you say.
-No more butting in, no way no how.

I promise.
-And grilled cheese on you all week.

Grilled cheese, Nissim?
Shame on you,

taking advantage of a friend's tragedy
for grilled cheese? -Good luck to you.

Fine. Alright.
Crybaby clown, grilled cheese.

So what do I do?
-Let me think. -Think?!

You said you have a solution,
but you don't! -Hold on, Anatoly.

If anyone can solve your problem,
it's only me.

Get me a glass of water.

Then I said to Anatoly:

If anyone can solve your problem,
it's only Kohava.

I always like flattery.

I have a good idea,
but it'll cost you. -How much?

Grilled cheese all week.
-You have no shame.

Taking advantage of a friend's distress.
-Good luck to you.

Alright, alright. What's the solution?
-Hear me well.

Getting husbands and wives
back together and vice versa 101

is getting the other side jealous.

So Mosh and I will make her jealous.
Piece of cake.

So you're going to stage
a love story with Mosh?

No, no, no, no, no...
A love story is for normal couples.

For them we have to tweak it.
Get her where it hurts.

Be ready.

Clean this all up!
-Anything else, Ms. Kohava?

All up, all of it, keep cleaning.

What an ass!
Can't you tie your shoelaces?!

I'm sorry. -Don't apologize!
-You're right. -Don't "right" me!

Stand up straight! Look at you!
-Sure, what's next, Ms. Kohava?

Clean. -Sure.
-Mosh?

Shuni?

You're working in the supermarket?
-Added income.

Ma'am, don't interfere
and don't talk to my employee.

Clean! Clean!
The shelves won't clean themselves.

Excuse me,
why are you talking to him like that?

I didn't think it would happen to me,

but when I saw Mosh being trampled
and berated by another woman,

that humiliated look in the eye reserved
only for me, I couldn't take it.

Don't move, Mosh!

Excuse me, my man is no doormat
you can talk to with disrespect.

Shuni... -Shut up.

Then I realized,
perhaps Mosh is a doormat.

But he's my doormat.

Put those things down. We're going home.
Let's go, Mosh.

That's it, I cleaned up after you.

You remember what you promised me?
-I remember.

From now on, no matter what,
Anatoly doesn't butt in.

He learned.

I missed you so much.
-Mosh, I'm on the phone.

Have some gum, no one likes a bad smell.
Petzkaleh...

No, honey, no way. No way!

swear on the light I breathe,
I worked late last night.

You think I'd be with anyone else?
Are you mad?

Here, Anatoly, tell Mali
that we worked late last night.

Sorry, I'm not butting in.
-Anatoly, I'm not kidding.

I'm not butting in, finite.
We agreed. I'm a man of truth.

Hold on, Mali. Anatoly,
swear, I'll break your head!

"The factory's closed

"The bank's closed...

"No more strength
and the heart is broken

"I have nothing but you...

Sshhh... you're disturbing me.

"Come, I'll hug you, we'll kiss...

"We'll take the kids to your mom..

"And make love
in the cinema restroom..."

Disgusting.

"Or in the new mall..."

"Coz this country
is growing like s%&..."

Translation: Tammy King
Subtitles: Trans Titles Ltd.