Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Ramzi Takes a Day Off - full transcript
Ramzi is forced to take a day off for the first time in his professional life.
Hi, how's it going?
Jot down my email,
if you need anything from me.
It's: Shira Steinbuch
at gmail dot com.
Shira is S...
are you writing this down?
S, H, T, A, Y, T, U, B, C, U, H,
at dot com.
S like "spaghetti," H like "hey,"
I like "lya," R like "rrr..."
A like umm...
like "apple."
B like "banana..."
Steinbuch.
"Bounty Issachar"
Checkout
You called, Big Boss?
Ramzi, I asked you not to call me that.
-Sorry, Big Chief. -Okay, never mind.
Regarding your vacation days,
I went over the paperwork
and according to the labor law,
an employee can't accumulate
more than 22 vacation days.
And how many do I have?
-138.
Since I started working here
at the age of 13, I never took a day off.
You don't like time off.
-I do, but we have tons of time off.
We have time off on Saturday,
we have time off at night,
and who would replace me
when I go on vacation?
Everyone has a replacement, no?
-Yes, but...
I feel bad asking.
Take last February,
it was my grandfather's funeral.
He raised me, I had no choice.
I asked Hezi to replace me
and I felt very bad about it. -Why?
Hezi doesn't like funerals,
he's a sensitive man.
I'm told he fell apart at the grave.
Hezi went
to your grandfather's funeral?
was "Italy Week".
My grandfather wouldn't have wanted me
to miss "Italy Week".
Shira, I'd rather not take a vacation.
-Ramzi, it's not up to me, it's the law.
You have to take a few days off.
-A few days?
How many is a few?
-At least a day or two.
Two days off?
What will I do with two days off?
-I don't know.
You can relax, do errands, see landscapes.
-What landscapes?
Show me a landscape
more beautiful than the softener shelf,
especially now, during sale season.
Ramzi, no arguments,
you're taking a day off and that's that.
But Shira... -Stop, off, confirm.
I thought that ,Shir*a said
you can't work today.
I can't work, but I can shop.
What's with the shirt, by the way?
Yes, it's just...
last time I wore something
other than the supermarket uniform
I was 12 years old.
Ramzi? -Shira.
I asked you to take a day's vacation.
-I am on vacation.
I'm shopping at the supermarket
like a free man.
Ramzi, don't you have a supermarket
closer to home?
Yes, but they don't have
freeze dried instant coffee like us,
uh... like you have.
-Fine.
Have a nice day.
-You too, Ramzi.
Here you go.
-Thank you.
Anatoly, talk to her in Russian.
-To who?
This lady from this morning,
I scraped her car,
she doesn't know a word of Hebrew.
Tell her 800 shekels.
1,100 is okay too.
Hello?
Da, Anatoly, who is this?
Okay. -What's she saying?
So, there was an accident, and?
Do you have insurance?
No involving insurance...
We'll settle this between us.
800 shekels?!
-800 is excellent. -Hold on.
Nissim, cool it. I'll get you 500.
-No, tell her 800 is fine.
If you have money to spare,
give it to me.
I said I'll get you 500. -How?
Have you ever seen a Russian
give up one shekel more than he has to?
She's not Russian, she's Belarusian.
Their brain is on vacation.
You tell a Belarusian
a pigeon crapped on his head,
his friend says:
"Take paper, wipe it."
The Belarusian says:
"How do I reach the pigeon's ass?"
Fine, I trust you.
-You trust. Hello? I'm with you.
Hey, hey... Sweetheart,
where's that sum coming from?
Fine, go to court, no problem.
-No court, I don't want to go to court.
Nissim, no court. Relax.
Hello?
Go ahead, you want court, so be it.
That's it. Good bye.
What are you doing? Are you nuts?!
I said I don't want to go to court!
Nissim, relax, no court.
She said her brother will settle with you.
-Her brother? Who's her brother?
She said his name is Maxim.
Maxim? -Maxim. -That's a lawyer's name.
With my luck he'll be a lawyer.
A lawyer... You know how a Belarusian
scratches his ear? Like this.
Okay, let me check.
Her name is Marina Lokashenko, right?
Let's see if there's a lawyer,
Maxim Lokashenko. -"Maxim Lokashenko"?
That's the name of her brother.
You hit the car
of Maxim Lokashenko's sister?
Why? Who's Maxim Lokashenko?
issim, you oaf! "Who's Maxim Lokashenko.
The head of the Belarusian mafia!
He escaped from jail
and sought asylum in Israel.
This is a catastrophe you got us in!
Me? You got me in!
-Did I hit his sister's car?!
Anatoly, I'll kill you.
Call her now and say you're sorry!
Hello?
Yes, Maxim?
No, there was a slight misunderstanding.
I don't understand what you're saying.
I don't know the language.
Give that to me, Nissim.
Hello? Hello?
-Tell him I'm sorry.
Tell him I didn't know it's him
and I'll compensate him.
Don't you talk to me like that!
What?! Shut up,
don't talk to me like that!
Don't yell at him.
Nissim, if they sense we're scared,
we're goners.
Only with force do you get respect!
Force, Anatoly?
was a cook in the army!
Hello? Get down here!
Nissim's no chump, you hear?
He'll tear you apart! Kill you!
-Kill?! Anatoly...
7,000 shekels. 500 for the repair,
6,500 as an apology.
There you go, a gift from a friend.
-A gift? You moron.
He wants 8,000, I cut down to 7,
do you say "Thank you, Anatoly"?
Nothing!
Shira, Shira.
Nissim, what did I say
about water fights in the storeroom?
No! The rubber washer of the faucet tore.
The meat counter's flooded.
I need a washer now. -Oh no...
Now? Nissim, it's Friday, 1 p.m.
-You want Venice on your hands?
What diameter do you need?
-What?
A rubber washer, what diameter?
I have a whole stock
from my previous job, I can get one.
Franco, are you sure?
It's not a hassle?
What are neighbors for?
-Okay, we really need it. Thank you.
Tell me how much it costs
and I'll pay you right back.
2,900. -Really?
-Hey, you're insulting me!
"How much does it cost?"
It's on me, mama.
If we don't help each other out,
who will, Shira?
Your sense of humor...
-I'm gonna get that washer.
You're hilarious.
I must admit that up until now
I had my reservations about Franco,
because he always seemed
like your typical Israeli -
flip flops, primitive, chauvinist,
loud, rude, baboon like,
thinks he can get anything,
will do anything to get what he wants...
What were we talking about?
Shirushke.
I'll be right back...
-Pamper me with your presence.
Hastily, hastily.
Listen. -Yes?
My fridge is on the blink. -Oy...
-And Zion my neighbor isn't picking up.
Can I put some things in the freezer
until the repairman comes?
How about it? -It's not...
-By the way, how's the washer I gave you?
For the faucet,
for the almost flood.
It's holding up, right? -Yes.
-Good neighbors, I told you.
For my neighbors, only the best.
So what do you say? Shall I?
Hold this.
-Okay.
Help me out here, sweetie.
Hold this. -Okay. Oy...
I'll hang it here. Careful. -Okay.
Franco..
Congratulations. -Thanks.
A party, for the gang.
Important. -Alright.
Just hurry up... -Yes.
This is gum that stuck...
It'll come off in the freezer.
I put a sign "Do not touch".
Keep an eye on it, Shirley, okay?
-Shira. -Sometimes I mix up the letters.
What could I have said
after he saved me?
I just hope the customers don't notice,
because the products
he brought from home
are the same we have here.
Except for the mother's milk.
-We have milk from a mother cow.
The jeans with the gum?
-We sell clothing and gum.
Not as a set,
but they're products that we have.
The wafers are on sale.
Oh, Franco, good thing you're here.
Shall I help you load up?
No, no, don't ask.
The repairman came
and demanded uptown prices.
I called an Arab repairman, half price.
But he'll only come in two days.
I said: "Fine, take your time,
my neighbors have my back."
It's cool, right?
No. -What?
-I'm sorry, Franco, but no.
Funny. -No, I'm not...
-You had me there for a second.
You're good, Shira, you are.
I'll take three chocolate ice creams.
Delicious. For the gang.
Wait, Franco, those aren't yours.
-Yours, mine, ours -
we're all neighbors, am I right?
Franco.
Ramzi. -Shira?
-What are you doing?
Choosing milk. -Ramzi, stop!
You're not insured today!
You want to spend your day off
at the supermarket, your problem,
but no arranging milk, working
or picking up sesame seeds
from the slits in the floor.
And diet ices outside the freezer?
-No. -Onion peels in an empty cart?
No. -Coriander on...
-Stop, off, confirm.
Is this okay, Ma'am?
-No, I like it very thin.
Thinner than this it's toilet paper.
Where's Ramzi? He gives me thin-thin.
My grandchildren come over
especially for the thin slices.
No doubt I was put to the test,
but I had to hold strong.
No matter how deeply Mrs. Peperni
will disappoint her grandchildren
when they come for the Sabbath.
I'll... I'll be right...
'll be back in a minute.
That's how I like them.
I told you, Anatoly,
you have to slice with the wrist.
I'll be right with you.
Thank you very much.
-No, no, Shira. -Thank you.
Shira, it was an emergency.
-What did I say? -But...
Shall I pack it up, Ma'am?
I've been on vacation for two days
and though I was concerned,
I learned an important life lesson
It's not all about work
and with all due respect to the customers...
and Mrs. Peperni's grandchildren
and the fear that my replacement
will mix up the assorted dates,
sometimes you have to take a step back,
look out for yourself and, you know...
invest more in..
I'll be right with you.
No...
Not the greens next to the melons.
The reds next to the melons, Daisy.
Exactly.
Now go get the pumpkins.
Not the one with the veins.
Mrs. Peperni has guests from overseas.
Vacation.
"Issachar Bounty"
"Valentine's Sale"
No, no, no, no!
No! Amnon, what are you doing?
What? I'm taking "Hesus" for men.
No, Amnon, it doesn't work that way,
they're sold in pairs.
It's Valentine's week.
Who cares about Valentine's week?
Who cares about the woman?
I'm a man. I want the men's.
I'm a man and I only want the men's.
What are you looking at?!
This may surprise you, but I'm single.
I couldn't get along with anyone.
They're all garbage.
No woman ever?
-There was one woman.
Heftzi from high school. She...
She was special.
If my mother hadn't tried
to choke her in her sleep
in 12th grade,
we would've gotten married.
What is it my mother says?
"Women, a bunch of snakes."
And she's a woman, she knows.
So let's think about this. Maybe
you can buy the his and hers gift pack
and give it to someone?
-To someone? -Yes.
I haven't yet met a woman
who deserves a gift. -No?
Okay, alright.
Well, I'm sorry,
you have to buy the pack.
It's a sales concept.
-What do I care about concept?
I have to stink because of a concept?
Have people dodge me
on the bus because of a concept?
Then I'll have to say:
"I apologize for the smell.
"It's the supermarket concept"?
If I don't have a women then I have
to stink because... Give me a break!
Why the discrimination
against bachelors?
It's not enough I'm alone,
I have to pay more too?
Instead of easing my loneliness,
you trample on my wounds?!
Excuse me, can I offer you perfume
for 70 shekels?
No, you're a great catch.
Do you like the smell?
You'll come crawling back!
Excuse me, has anyone told you
that you have bad body odor?
You try to hel|s> people
and you're met
with bitterness and complaints.
What do I have to endure to smell good?
I almost gave up, but then...
I heard a voice behind the shelves.
I don't care if it's his and hers.
I just want the women's perfume.
Yes, but this ^Valentine's Week
and it's a gift pack for two.
What if I'm a lesbian
and I want to give it to my girlfriend?
You're a lesbian?
If that's what it takes, then... yes.
What style...
So graceful, so savvy...
She reminds me of Mother.
Excuse me. -I gave at the office.
-No, it's not that.
I overheard your conversation
with the manager. -And...?
How about we pool our money
and buy the gift pack together?
You'll take the "Hesus" for women,
I'll take the "Hesus" for men.
Pool our money, huh? -Yes.
Only if we unite
can we beat these cons.
They hike up the price to double
then say "50% discount."
Yes, only if you buy two.
-It's highway robbery.
Supermarket robbery too.
Love is like a TV remote.
You find it where you least expect it.
I thought...
"Women, a bunch of snakes."
Among snakes you can sometimes find
a cute, harmless lizard.
That will be 140.
Do you want to donate
to disadvantaged families?
They can get a job.
-They can get a job.
So, 140 in total.
I don't want to be rude, but...
my mother isn't home
and I thought perhaps...
Do you have tomato juice?
-Only tomato juice.
Then what are we waiting for?
Wait. This is yours, for the purchase.
A coupon for cappuccino
at the gas station across the road.
-Hey. -Wow!
Basically it's mine,
I initiated the transaction.
You initiated it
because you heard me yelling..
Okay, a real gentleman doesn't argue,
so I'll let you drink with me.
As long as I drink the top part.
It'll be lukewarm by the time I get it,
I don't like lukewarm.
Okay then, one sip you, one sip me.
-But my sips are small.
That's your problem.
-Oh yeah? -Yeah.
Look what you did?
Me? -Yes.
-You're the one with the small sips.
Oh yeah? You're making fun of my sips?
Okay, no perfume either.
Cancel the perfume.
Cancel the perfume.
Women... A bunch of snakes.
-You're all the same. Little man.
I hope no one sits
next to you on the bus!
So I should cancel the purchase?
How about "Hesus" for women
for 70 shekels? -I'll cancel the purchase.
Franco. -Huh, sweetie?
I'm out of salt. A meal with no salt?
Thank God for neighbors, huh?
Isn't this going too far, Franco?
-Why?
Uh... this is a supermarket.
If you need salt, buy it.
Ah, of course!
It's just that my wife buys the salt.
She buys fine salt at half price
from the spice shop near her office.
I'm just borrowing some.
Listen, what you charge for salt...
It's so expensive! Some nerve!
By the way, how's the...
rubber washer I gave you
that saved you from a flood?
It's holding up.
-Great, what are neighbors for?
By the way, Perselani and fhe soccer gang
are coming over for balcony karaoke.
Singing, dancing, hookahs.
But the fridge doesn't work
and I feel bad, they're company.
Okay. -So-I thought... you know,
neighbors help one another,
maybe I can have them over here?
Here?
-One hand washes the other...
That's enough, no, Franco...
I ask that you leave the supermarket
with your plate.
Take this, okay, for the rubber washer.
No more games.
No more neighbors
or hands washing hands.
We're not your downstairs neighbors.
This is a respectable business. Get out!
So that's how you roll?
-That's how I roll.
Shira, that's how you roll?
-That's how I roll.
That's how you roll?
-That's how I roll.
That's how you roll for sure?
-That's how I roll for sure.
Shira, Shira.
-What now, Nissim?
The rubber washer of the main valve.
-There are a thousand in the storeroom!
No, they're no. 8.
I need no. 12. The big one.
The washer of the main valve?
-The big one. -12? -12.
I have tons of those,
use them so the table won't wobble.
Party, Perselani! Cheers!
Life is so good!
So good! Shira!
What a grea-t neighbor.
She's the best!
I just... Good evening*!
-Good evening.
When are we done? It's...
-We're done when we're done!
Sing it, Shira!
Nice to meet you.
Oh yeah!
-It's apple! -It is!
What a party
-Shake it, shake it. -Hey!
No more kisses, Franco.
Go girl!
Cheers!
Jot down my email,
if you need anything from me.
It's: Shira Steinbuch
at gmail dot com.
Shira is S...
are you writing this down?
S, H, T, A, Y, T, U, B, C, U, H,
at dot com.
S like "spaghetti," H like "hey,"
I like "lya," R like "rrr..."
A like umm...
like "apple."
B like "banana..."
Steinbuch.
"Bounty Issachar"
Checkout
You called, Big Boss?
Ramzi, I asked you not to call me that.
-Sorry, Big Chief. -Okay, never mind.
Regarding your vacation days,
I went over the paperwork
and according to the labor law,
an employee can't accumulate
more than 22 vacation days.
And how many do I have?
-138.
Since I started working here
at the age of 13, I never took a day off.
You don't like time off.
-I do, but we have tons of time off.
We have time off on Saturday,
we have time off at night,
and who would replace me
when I go on vacation?
Everyone has a replacement, no?
-Yes, but...
I feel bad asking.
Take last February,
it was my grandfather's funeral.
He raised me, I had no choice.
I asked Hezi to replace me
and I felt very bad about it. -Why?
Hezi doesn't like funerals,
he's a sensitive man.
I'm told he fell apart at the grave.
Hezi went
to your grandfather's funeral?
was "Italy Week".
My grandfather wouldn't have wanted me
to miss "Italy Week".
Shira, I'd rather not take a vacation.
-Ramzi, it's not up to me, it's the law.
You have to take a few days off.
-A few days?
How many is a few?
-At least a day or two.
Two days off?
What will I do with two days off?
-I don't know.
You can relax, do errands, see landscapes.
-What landscapes?
Show me a landscape
more beautiful than the softener shelf,
especially now, during sale season.
Ramzi, no arguments,
you're taking a day off and that's that.
But Shira... -Stop, off, confirm.
I thought that ,Shir*a said
you can't work today.
I can't work, but I can shop.
What's with the shirt, by the way?
Yes, it's just...
last time I wore something
other than the supermarket uniform
I was 12 years old.
Ramzi? -Shira.
I asked you to take a day's vacation.
-I am on vacation.
I'm shopping at the supermarket
like a free man.
Ramzi, don't you have a supermarket
closer to home?
Yes, but they don't have
freeze dried instant coffee like us,
uh... like you have.
-Fine.
Have a nice day.
-You too, Ramzi.
Here you go.
-Thank you.
Anatoly, talk to her in Russian.
-To who?
This lady from this morning,
I scraped her car,
she doesn't know a word of Hebrew.
Tell her 800 shekels.
1,100 is okay too.
Hello?
Da, Anatoly, who is this?
Okay. -What's she saying?
So, there was an accident, and?
Do you have insurance?
No involving insurance...
We'll settle this between us.
800 shekels?!
-800 is excellent. -Hold on.
Nissim, cool it. I'll get you 500.
-No, tell her 800 is fine.
If you have money to spare,
give it to me.
I said I'll get you 500. -How?
Have you ever seen a Russian
give up one shekel more than he has to?
She's not Russian, she's Belarusian.
Their brain is on vacation.
You tell a Belarusian
a pigeon crapped on his head,
his friend says:
"Take paper, wipe it."
The Belarusian says:
"How do I reach the pigeon's ass?"
Fine, I trust you.
-You trust. Hello? I'm with you.
Hey, hey... Sweetheart,
where's that sum coming from?
Fine, go to court, no problem.
-No court, I don't want to go to court.
Nissim, no court. Relax.
Hello?
Go ahead, you want court, so be it.
That's it. Good bye.
What are you doing? Are you nuts?!
I said I don't want to go to court!
Nissim, relax, no court.
She said her brother will settle with you.
-Her brother? Who's her brother?
She said his name is Maxim.
Maxim? -Maxim. -That's a lawyer's name.
With my luck he'll be a lawyer.
A lawyer... You know how a Belarusian
scratches his ear? Like this.
Okay, let me check.
Her name is Marina Lokashenko, right?
Let's see if there's a lawyer,
Maxim Lokashenko. -"Maxim Lokashenko"?
That's the name of her brother.
You hit the car
of Maxim Lokashenko's sister?
Why? Who's Maxim Lokashenko?
issim, you oaf! "Who's Maxim Lokashenko.
The head of the Belarusian mafia!
He escaped from jail
and sought asylum in Israel.
This is a catastrophe you got us in!
Me? You got me in!
-Did I hit his sister's car?!
Anatoly, I'll kill you.
Call her now and say you're sorry!
Hello?
Yes, Maxim?
No, there was a slight misunderstanding.
I don't understand what you're saying.
I don't know the language.
Give that to me, Nissim.
Hello? Hello?
-Tell him I'm sorry.
Tell him I didn't know it's him
and I'll compensate him.
Don't you talk to me like that!
What?! Shut up,
don't talk to me like that!
Don't yell at him.
Nissim, if they sense we're scared,
we're goners.
Only with force do you get respect!
Force, Anatoly?
was a cook in the army!
Hello? Get down here!
Nissim's no chump, you hear?
He'll tear you apart! Kill you!
-Kill?! Anatoly...
7,000 shekels. 500 for the repair,
6,500 as an apology.
There you go, a gift from a friend.
-A gift? You moron.
He wants 8,000, I cut down to 7,
do you say "Thank you, Anatoly"?
Nothing!
Shira, Shira.
Nissim, what did I say
about water fights in the storeroom?
No! The rubber washer of the faucet tore.
The meat counter's flooded.
I need a washer now. -Oh no...
Now? Nissim, it's Friday, 1 p.m.
-You want Venice on your hands?
What diameter do you need?
-What?
A rubber washer, what diameter?
I have a whole stock
from my previous job, I can get one.
Franco, are you sure?
It's not a hassle?
What are neighbors for?
-Okay, we really need it. Thank you.
Tell me how much it costs
and I'll pay you right back.
2,900. -Really?
-Hey, you're insulting me!
"How much does it cost?"
It's on me, mama.
If we don't help each other out,
who will, Shira?
Your sense of humor...
-I'm gonna get that washer.
You're hilarious.
I must admit that up until now
I had my reservations about Franco,
because he always seemed
like your typical Israeli -
flip flops, primitive, chauvinist,
loud, rude, baboon like,
thinks he can get anything,
will do anything to get what he wants...
What were we talking about?
Shirushke.
I'll be right back...
-Pamper me with your presence.
Hastily, hastily.
Listen. -Yes?
My fridge is on the blink. -Oy...
-And Zion my neighbor isn't picking up.
Can I put some things in the freezer
until the repairman comes?
How about it? -It's not...
-By the way, how's the washer I gave you?
For the faucet,
for the almost flood.
It's holding up, right? -Yes.
-Good neighbors, I told you.
For my neighbors, only the best.
So what do you say? Shall I?
Hold this.
-Okay.
Help me out here, sweetie.
Hold this. -Okay. Oy...
I'll hang it here. Careful. -Okay.
Franco..
Congratulations. -Thanks.
A party, for the gang.
Important. -Alright.
Just hurry up... -Yes.
This is gum that stuck...
It'll come off in the freezer.
I put a sign "Do not touch".
Keep an eye on it, Shirley, okay?
-Shira. -Sometimes I mix up the letters.
What could I have said
after he saved me?
I just hope the customers don't notice,
because the products
he brought from home
are the same we have here.
Except for the mother's milk.
-We have milk from a mother cow.
The jeans with the gum?
-We sell clothing and gum.
Not as a set,
but they're products that we have.
The wafers are on sale.
Oh, Franco, good thing you're here.
Shall I help you load up?
No, no, don't ask.
The repairman came
and demanded uptown prices.
I called an Arab repairman, half price.
But he'll only come in two days.
I said: "Fine, take your time,
my neighbors have my back."
It's cool, right?
No. -What?
-I'm sorry, Franco, but no.
Funny. -No, I'm not...
-You had me there for a second.
You're good, Shira, you are.
I'll take three chocolate ice creams.
Delicious. For the gang.
Wait, Franco, those aren't yours.
-Yours, mine, ours -
we're all neighbors, am I right?
Franco.
Ramzi. -Shira?
-What are you doing?
Choosing milk. -Ramzi, stop!
You're not insured today!
You want to spend your day off
at the supermarket, your problem,
but no arranging milk, working
or picking up sesame seeds
from the slits in the floor.
And diet ices outside the freezer?
-No. -Onion peels in an empty cart?
No. -Coriander on...
-Stop, off, confirm.
Is this okay, Ma'am?
-No, I like it very thin.
Thinner than this it's toilet paper.
Where's Ramzi? He gives me thin-thin.
My grandchildren come over
especially for the thin slices.
No doubt I was put to the test,
but I had to hold strong.
No matter how deeply Mrs. Peperni
will disappoint her grandchildren
when they come for the Sabbath.
I'll... I'll be right...
'll be back in a minute.
That's how I like them.
I told you, Anatoly,
you have to slice with the wrist.
I'll be right with you.
Thank you very much.
-No, no, Shira. -Thank you.
Shira, it was an emergency.
-What did I say? -But...
Shall I pack it up, Ma'am?
I've been on vacation for two days
and though I was concerned,
I learned an important life lesson
It's not all about work
and with all due respect to the customers...
and Mrs. Peperni's grandchildren
and the fear that my replacement
will mix up the assorted dates,
sometimes you have to take a step back,
look out for yourself and, you know...
invest more in..
I'll be right with you.
No...
Not the greens next to the melons.
The reds next to the melons, Daisy.
Exactly.
Now go get the pumpkins.
Not the one with the veins.
Mrs. Peperni has guests from overseas.
Vacation.
"Issachar Bounty"
"Valentine's Sale"
No, no, no, no!
No! Amnon, what are you doing?
What? I'm taking "Hesus" for men.
No, Amnon, it doesn't work that way,
they're sold in pairs.
It's Valentine's week.
Who cares about Valentine's week?
Who cares about the woman?
I'm a man. I want the men's.
I'm a man and I only want the men's.
What are you looking at?!
This may surprise you, but I'm single.
I couldn't get along with anyone.
They're all garbage.
No woman ever?
-There was one woman.
Heftzi from high school. She...
She was special.
If my mother hadn't tried
to choke her in her sleep
in 12th grade,
we would've gotten married.
What is it my mother says?
"Women, a bunch of snakes."
And she's a woman, she knows.
So let's think about this. Maybe
you can buy the his and hers gift pack
and give it to someone?
-To someone? -Yes.
I haven't yet met a woman
who deserves a gift. -No?
Okay, alright.
Well, I'm sorry,
you have to buy the pack.
It's a sales concept.
-What do I care about concept?
I have to stink because of a concept?
Have people dodge me
on the bus because of a concept?
Then I'll have to say:
"I apologize for the smell.
"It's the supermarket concept"?
If I don't have a women then I have
to stink because... Give me a break!
Why the discrimination
against bachelors?
It's not enough I'm alone,
I have to pay more too?
Instead of easing my loneliness,
you trample on my wounds?!
Excuse me, can I offer you perfume
for 70 shekels?
No, you're a great catch.
Do you like the smell?
You'll come crawling back!
Excuse me, has anyone told you
that you have bad body odor?
You try to hel|s> people
and you're met
with bitterness and complaints.
What do I have to endure to smell good?
I almost gave up, but then...
I heard a voice behind the shelves.
I don't care if it's his and hers.
I just want the women's perfume.
Yes, but this ^Valentine's Week
and it's a gift pack for two.
What if I'm a lesbian
and I want to give it to my girlfriend?
You're a lesbian?
If that's what it takes, then... yes.
What style...
So graceful, so savvy...
She reminds me of Mother.
Excuse me. -I gave at the office.
-No, it's not that.
I overheard your conversation
with the manager. -And...?
How about we pool our money
and buy the gift pack together?
You'll take the "Hesus" for women,
I'll take the "Hesus" for men.
Pool our money, huh? -Yes.
Only if we unite
can we beat these cons.
They hike up the price to double
then say "50% discount."
Yes, only if you buy two.
-It's highway robbery.
Supermarket robbery too.
Love is like a TV remote.
You find it where you least expect it.
I thought...
"Women, a bunch of snakes."
Among snakes you can sometimes find
a cute, harmless lizard.
That will be 140.
Do you want to donate
to disadvantaged families?
They can get a job.
-They can get a job.
So, 140 in total.
I don't want to be rude, but...
my mother isn't home
and I thought perhaps...
Do you have tomato juice?
-Only tomato juice.
Then what are we waiting for?
Wait. This is yours, for the purchase.
A coupon for cappuccino
at the gas station across the road.
-Hey. -Wow!
Basically it's mine,
I initiated the transaction.
You initiated it
because you heard me yelling..
Okay, a real gentleman doesn't argue,
so I'll let you drink with me.
As long as I drink the top part.
It'll be lukewarm by the time I get it,
I don't like lukewarm.
Okay then, one sip you, one sip me.
-But my sips are small.
That's your problem.
-Oh yeah? -Yeah.
Look what you did?
Me? -Yes.
-You're the one with the small sips.
Oh yeah? You're making fun of my sips?
Okay, no perfume either.
Cancel the perfume.
Cancel the perfume.
Women... A bunch of snakes.
-You're all the same. Little man.
I hope no one sits
next to you on the bus!
So I should cancel the purchase?
How about "Hesus" for women
for 70 shekels? -I'll cancel the purchase.
Franco. -Huh, sweetie?
I'm out of salt. A meal with no salt?
Thank God for neighbors, huh?
Isn't this going too far, Franco?
-Why?
Uh... this is a supermarket.
If you need salt, buy it.
Ah, of course!
It's just that my wife buys the salt.
She buys fine salt at half price
from the spice shop near her office.
I'm just borrowing some.
Listen, what you charge for salt...
It's so expensive! Some nerve!
By the way, how's the...
rubber washer I gave you
that saved you from a flood?
It's holding up.
-Great, what are neighbors for?
By the way, Perselani and fhe soccer gang
are coming over for balcony karaoke.
Singing, dancing, hookahs.
But the fridge doesn't work
and I feel bad, they're company.
Okay. -So-I thought... you know,
neighbors help one another,
maybe I can have them over here?
Here?
-One hand washes the other...
That's enough, no, Franco...
I ask that you leave the supermarket
with your plate.
Take this, okay, for the rubber washer.
No more games.
No more neighbors
or hands washing hands.
We're not your downstairs neighbors.
This is a respectable business. Get out!
So that's how you roll?
-That's how I roll.
Shira, that's how you roll?
-That's how I roll.
That's how you roll?
-That's how I roll.
That's how you roll for sure?
-That's how I roll for sure.
Shira, Shira.
-What now, Nissim?
The rubber washer of the main valve.
-There are a thousand in the storeroom!
No, they're no. 8.
I need no. 12. The big one.
The washer of the main valve?
-The big one. -12? -12.
I have tons of those,
use them so the table won't wobble.
Party, Perselani! Cheers!
Life is so good!
So good! Shira!
What a grea-t neighbor.
She's the best!
I just... Good evening*!
-Good evening.
When are we done? It's...
-We're done when we're done!
Sing it, Shira!
Nice to meet you.
Oh yeah!
-It's apple! -It is!
What a party
-Shake it, shake it. -Hey!
No more kisses, Franco.
Go girl!
Cheers!