Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Kochava quits smoking - full transcript

Kohava Shavit, cashier

I want us
to do a quick quiz. -Yes?

I'll ask you a question,
you'll answer off the top of your head.

Pumpernickel!

Wait for the question.
-Sure.

What's your favorite word?

Closed..

Closed.

Closed!

"Giving".

"Issachar Bounty"



Checkout

Hezi, let's have a cig
before I strangle someone. -No way.

What, too early for you, babe?

What do you need?
Five-ten minutes?

Not 100 minutes and not 100 years.
I've had it with cigarettes.

You're hilarious, Hezi!

You'll quit smoking
when the cashiers get a retirement plan.

Kohava, I mean it,
it's a surprise for Zipkes.

Nah... -For her 60th.

Yesterday I smoked my last cigarette.
-I don't believe you.

Believe me, no more, I'm clean.

If I had a hat I'd take it off for you...

And smack you in the head with it,
you traitor!

I'm happy for you.
I wish I could stop smoking.



To the cheeses and pasta,
is it true what I heard?

You heard right, and don't jinx it.
You stopped smoking? Get over here.

Hezi... -Stop it. -Way to go!
-Ramzi, Ramzi! -This is...

a big day for the supermarket!
-Stop it, Ramzi.

Okay, he quit smoking,
it's not like he won "Big Brother".

Who quit smoking? -Our Hezi.
-Hezi? Wow, wow, wow!

Thank you, thank you.
-Seriously?

What? I'm so proud.
-He's a marvel.

I stopped biting my nails!

When Avihai comes back from Eilat,
we'll have a little celebration

and buy you a symbolic gift.
-More than symbolic.

No, don't overdo it. Please.
-It's not up for debate.

He's a marvel.
-You know that...

you're a role model.
-There should be movie about him. -Yes.

I quit too.

Excuse me?
-Yes, I quit. Since Thursday.

I just didn't want
to rain on his parade.

So what's that? -That's..

I wanted to show you how I quit,
so you don't think I'm making it up.

I've had it. Ew... I hate it.

Watch it. -No...
-The onions. -Ah, no, take the...

you can take the lighter too.

I'd take the lighter...
Okay, whatever.

Did you see how they suck up to Hezi?
Yuck...

Big deal, quitting smoking...

If that primitive farmer can, so can I.

Here, last puff.

That's it, here.

Here, last one.

Hold on.

That's it, as of now.

As of... now.
Three, four and...

Five, six, seven and...

Eight and...

Nine and..

That's it.

Okay?

That's it.

Done.

That's it.

I'm clean.

Excuse me, what are you doing?
-I'm a cashier, and you?

Why aren't you catching?

Quitting is no problem for me.

Ramzi, get over here!

How can I assist?
-I'll tell you how you can assist!

Do I have to work in this filth?!
In this pig sty?!

I just cleaned... -Huh?!
Are you saying I'm crazy? -Not at all.

That I'm delirious, hallucinating?
-I just...-What? What?

I don't see any dirt.
-You don't see any dirt?!

Kohava..

I've had it..

Kohava, Kohava...

What?

How long haven't I smoked?

42 minutes!

Believe me, if I wanted to,
I could quit in a second.

I just don't want to,

and if I don't want to do something,
I don't, no matter what.

You know what un-willpower I have?

Okay.

Another one of those evils
that a manager has to contend with

is that ancient custom
called noshing in the supermarket

and that reminds me of a joke:

Israelis were asked:
"What's your favorite food?"

Italian food was in third place,

Moroccan was second

and free food was in first place.

What an awesome joke!

What a hilarious joke!

Okay, can I answer you now?

Luckily I have the most
advanced weapon in the world

to eradicate
this disgraceful phenomenon.

Mrs. Stratiner? -What? Hold on.
-Mrs. Stratiner.

Your bag of little puff pastries
slipped through your fingers.

Our Ramzi has this sixth sense
when it comes to empty pastry bags.

Why do you think it's mine?
-May I?

Forgive me.

A sesame seed.

Sesame puff pastry.

We have a match.

Ramzi could have been
an Intelligence agent.

If they were looking
for empty puff pastry bags.

Oh, Mr. Titinsky,
Mr. Titinsky!

I think you mistakenly left
your chocolate cupcake bag

on the upper shelf of the cereals
behind the puffed wheat,

deep in the slits of the shelf.
Here.

That's it. -True.

Don't touch a thing.

You won't believe this,

the humidity in the air must have
disintegrated your puff pastry bag

into a thousand pieces and scattered them
throughout the supermarket.

I did what I could.

There is no free nosh
in this supermarket. Not a nosh.

Is that what she told you?
Then let me tell you something.

Nathan Franco hasn't paid for a nosh
since 2006. -Yeah? -Oh yeah.

Based on what we saw,
it's not easy to dodge Ramzi.

Ramzi is Busquets. You know who he is?
A soccer player for Barcelona.

He's amazing, works his ass off,
but he's no Messi.

Nathan Franco is the Leo Messi
of free noshing.

How long have I been shopping here?
12, 13 years? Listen to me good.

Not a morning has gone by
that I haven't gorged on Kashkaval cheese,

plus a bag of chocolate milk,

plus a visit to the toilet, then to work.
Thank you, have a nice day.

Get this, no checkout all that time.
Zero checkout.

So how do you do it?
-Like I'm gonna expose my method to...

Who watches this, dude?
-Do you really have a method

or are you just saying that?
-Why would I just say that?

Come over here.

And I'm warning you,
you don't air this.

Here we are.

I don't see anything.
-Allegedly, but check it out.

See the CCTV?

It captures what's over there,
that one is aimed over there,

which means that this is a blind spot.

You could commit genocide
and no one would notice.

Check this out.

This is supposedly an empty
heavy rack, but check out what's...

Hold on, it's heavy.

Okay.

Check it out.

Whoa.

How many is that?
-You do the math, bro.

12 times 365 days,
not including weekends and counting.

And, yeah, I love shopping
at this supermarket,

the vegetables are very fresh.
-Straight from the field.

Straight from the field.

I don't think we should have moved...
Ew, what a smell.

Ew... over here.
Do you smell that? -Yes, yes.

It smells like... sour milk and..

Kashkaval cheese.

Where is it coming from, Nissim?
It's driving me nuts...

From the a/c. -What?

That sour smell? I'm an expert.
It's from the a/c.

No, no, it's over here.
-Nissim, I know what I'm saying.

A rat with a huge ass
must have died in the air duct.

That can't be,
the repairman was here today,

he didn't find anything in the ducts.
-Franco, Help me move this rack.

Do you really want to do that?

Give me a hand.
-It's heavy, man, you'll break your back.

Come on, give me a hand.
-But it's heavy. You gotta watch that back.

Just help me out here.
-You wanna break it, fine.

Wait, I'll help you. Wait.
-Let's do it.

What are you doing?
-I'm pushing.

No, to the other side,
you're not helping me.

Then I'll push it from the other side.

Dude. Just go. -What?
-You're just pissing me off.

For God's sake.

What is it? What? What? What?

What the heck?
What is that?!

Ew...! -Ugh!
-Oy, Nissim. -Oh no!

August 7, 2008. -What?

Nissim, look,
bags of chocolate milk and...

Kashkaval cheese pastries.

Why does that sound familiar?

1,460 shekels. That ain't cheap
for chocolate milk and pastries,

but what can you do?
Leo Messi has his off days too.

68, 67,

69...

13, 14.

What's this? What is this?
What's with this mess?

My God, who...

I just tidied up. -Hezi,
what's wrong? What happened?

"What happened?"
-Why so upset?

It took me two hours to tidy up
and people made a mess. -I swear.

They're animals.
-Savages. -Animals!

Why take cucumbers from here
and put them here? -It's terrible!

Why do they do it?!
-I don't get it!

It's awful! -Kohava, enough!

No, I... -Let me calm down.
-Go ahead. -Just let me calm down.

Do that. -Wait. -Yes.

It's so annoying...

Where did I put it?
-Where? Here.

Hold on. -Here you go.
-Here, I found it. -What's that?

"What's that?" Gum.

The doctor said:
"Whenever you're upset,

"stay away from cigarettes,
take it out on the gum,"

and that's what I'm doing.
-Oh yeah? -Yeah.

Does it help?
-It helps. Kohava!

Hello!

anyone at the meat counter?

Ready? -Always.

Sirloin. -Nice.

Anatoly's no chump.

When everyone slept with teddy bear,
Anatoly slept with foreshank.

Is anyone here? -Hold on, Lady,
we're not playing in here!

Play.

Okay, ready?
-Ready?

Mock filet.
-The man's a genius.

Okay? -Well?
-You ready? -I'm ready! -Okay.

Are you kidding me? Chuck!
-Nice, you rock.

You're a super-butcher.
-Give me a hard one, Nissim.

A hard one, hold on.

Okay.
-I can't smell anything.

Wait, I haven't finished.

Nothing.
-Hold your horses. Ready? -Yes.

Sshhh... Don't..

What? -Go ahead.
-"Go ahead"? -Take a whiff.

Oy, that's pungent... that's...

Ossobuco. -No. -"No"?
-Not ossobuco. -No? -No.

Closer, oy...

Closer,

Smoked ossobuco. -Almost.

Will I have to wait much longer?
-I'm coming, Lady! Again, again.

This is the right side of the...

Sorry, we were swamped.

Ah, it's the Angus, Nissim!

It's Angus, 100%!

Angus!

Oh, Ramzi.

Come sit. -I wish I could.
Mrs. Pepeperni is waiting with the melons.

Sit down, sweetie, it's important.
-More than Mrs. Pepeperni's melons?

Much more. Sit down.

We haven't talked in a long time, sweetie.
Sit down. -Alright.

Yes, Kohava?

Here.

Be my guest. -What?
-Take one. Really, I...

can tell you're stressed out,
I worry about you.

If I wasn't worried,
I wouldn't offer. Take it, sweetie.

God forbid, Kohava.
-Why is it right away no?

Because it's nicotine, it's poison,
it's like poop.

It can harm my health, my career.
-Your career? Are you nuts?

On the contrary. Quite the contrary!

Where's the supermarket's
central nervous system?

Where's the real information,
the pacts, the gossip, where?

Only when you smoke.

If you want to rise through the ranks
you smoke.

I prefer rising through the ranks
by working hard.

Have you ever seen a head honcho
that doesn't smoke? Huh?

Here. -What?
-My pleasure.

If I may... I'd rather not.
-You may not.

Well... I'll try it.

Inhale. Straight to the heart.

There you go. Okay then.

Excellent, I see that it's working.

Yes, it's being absorbed.
This is very good.

It's removing all the toxins
from your body,

all the years of toxins.
-Wow, it's so strong...

It's very good.

No, sweetie, not next to me.
Swallow it.

I've had it with him.

What's this? -What?

What's going on here?
-What's going on here?

You're asking me what's going on here?

I'm shocked!
You were sleeping, BAM!

You pounced on me
and grabbed my cigarette!

I pounced on you? -I'm telling you,
you're a junkie, Hezi, a junkie.

I fought you off tooth and nail.

It was crazy, things went flying
and you came at me like a rhino.

Take this away from me.
-Sure...

If you quit, you quit.

don't believe it. -Believe.

It's okay, sweetie, it's behind

But how was the cigarette?
-You know, I didn't...

Did you feel the...
what do you call it? The..

wave of nicotine?

Flowing down your throat,
massaging your lungs,

entering your veins, your blood system,
your digestive system. -Wow.

You know... how it is.
-Yes.

Okay... -What?

Give it here.
-No, you quit.

Give it. -No..

Oops!

Sorry,

Ah, heaven, heaven...

Zipke will kill me,
my doctor will be mad at me.

Give it, I'll...
Okay, I'll take another one.

Have one. -Yes.

This is unhealthy.

I'm telling you,
this thing is damage for life.

To tell you that I'm proud
of what I did? Very.

'Coz anyone can quit smoking,
that's easy,

but getting someone hooked again...
that's the real mastery.

Hezi!

Daisy, get over here! Quick!

Hezi.
Quickly, the lettuce can't breathe.

Are you okay, Hezi?
Come sit down.

What's with the look?
I just gave him a cigarette.

was bored and I wanted someone to smoke
with me, that's all, I'm no hypocrite.

do what my heart tells me

and if my heart tells me
to give a friend a heart attack, so be it!

But Hezi didn't have a heart attack.

No? What then?

His kidneys failed.

It has nothing to do with cigarettes.
He has some disease.

There. You see? I would never do
something to hurt my friend!

Friends come first!
Then what my heart says.

Kid!

Get over here.

Come sit next to me.

Come close.

You know what this is?

Yes. -Take one.

Go ahead.

Take it.