Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Underwear - full transcript

"Issachar Bounty"

Checkout

Beyond routine management,

I am forced to focus on...

How can I put this? On...

Disciplinary matters.

What's this?

What is this, Nissim?!

Nissim, come here!

Kohava!

No matter how hard I try
to create a pleasant atmosphere,



the customers can be..

uncivilized.

What now? -Receipt.
-Receipt? -Receipt.

Here.

Milk, Sherlock, milk! What's to check?
-What's to check?

"What's to check?" then I'm not stamping.
No stamp. -No stamp?

You drank half.
-Are you bored or what?

I'm not bored.
-What do you want?

Go on, gegangen, gegangen.
-Don't tell me "gegangen"!

I don't want to hear
the word "tegangen".

Don't teach me my job.
You're traumatizing me.

"Gegangen" affects me badly!

And even if I play something
from my private collection

over the PA system
like Schubert or...



it doesn't always help.
One small match can ignite a forest.

Excuse me.

Would you mind..

I only have this.
-Don't let him.

And I only have these.

It's just one yogurt, no big deal.
-Don't let him. -Oh, it's a big deal.

I'm a sensitive person.
-Piece of trash (in Yiddish).

What was that?
-Nothing.

What?
-May a zit grow on your nose (in Yiddish).

Yes, my grandma from Riga
spoke Yiddish to us at home.

Old dog...

Do you kiss your children
with that mouth?

You trying to rile me up?

But this past week,

I have no idea why,

such harmony.

I can't put my finger on it.

What?

Oh! Almost ba-boom.
-Yes. -Thank you, Nissim.

No one is yelling at anyone,
no one is cursing anyone,

no one is spitting at anyone
and spattering on the manager's cheek.

Go in peace, friend.

Thank you.

The End of Days!

Excuse me.

Would you mind..

10 shekels.

I'm kidding, pal. Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Thank you.

On me.

Add it to my bill.

My pleasure.

In short, a mystery.
If only I knew what brought on the change...

Good morning, bitches!

Kohava! -Kohava!

Yes, Kohava was on vacation.

How's it going?
-I missed you guys so much.

Marilyn Monroe!

Oh, new perfume.

Hezinka! I swear.

I even missed you.

Welcome back.
-Air, air, air!

Let me breathe, so I'm back.

Hey. -Who's this?

How's it going?
I missed you.

It's been a whole week.

I took the little one to Zagreb
to see topless Vikings.

How are you?

So how was Croatia?
-Oh me oh my.

What, not good?
-Oh me oh my oh my.

What architecture.

What culture.
To see Croatia and die.

I didn't leave the casino for 6 days.

I can't move my...
Ow! You see?

I can't move my arm
from all the slot machines.

Why don't they make them
with this slide thingamajig?

Good to have you back.
It was quiet around here.

Very quiet.
-Like a cemetery. -Awful.

I don't know about you guys in TV,
but in the supermarket,

when someone returns from abroad,
which isn't very often,

they bring a little treat from Duty Free.

We're warm people.
Not like you TV guys.

So how's it going?
-You tell us.

Shopping, did you do any shopping?

Excuse me?
Did I do any shopping?

Are you kidding me? Of course!

See this hat?
I bought it in 3 shades of gold.

Yes. -Nice, nice.
-Looks good on you. -Stunning.

I don't have room in my closet.
It's bursting with clothes.

Like this, with my foot.

And...

did you only shop for yourself or...
-What? Don't you know me by now?

Do I only think of myself?
-It's my sense of humor, I'm kidding.

I knew that Kohava wouldn't disappoint.

Here.

A skull lighter. -Cool!
-Wow, wow, wow!

For my hairdresser, Moti Brows.

Nice.

Wait, I just remembered,
your voice reminded me!

You remember the... Smartphone case
you kept going on about?

The Baba Sali? -Baba Sali!
-You found it? -Last one in the Duty Free.

I found the last one,
I gave it to my niece,

I grabbed it.
Sorry, it's mine.

Well, what did I tell you?
-Shut up.

What did you tell him?
-What? Nothing. -I want to know.

Anatoly, what did you say?

What did you tell him?
-Let's start the shift.

He said you won't bring us anything.

Miser...

No, he's joking, come on.
You idiot. -Excuse me?

That's some way to talk.
-He's kidding. -So scummy.

Kohava...
-So scummy, I swear!

Me? Not bring you anything?

I knew I forgot something.
Oh my. Awkward.

What do you think I am?
A leftist?

Dude, apologize.

With your mouth
we really won't get a thing.

So, what did she bring?

Esti, this is for you.

Earphones from the plane?
-Enjoy. They match your eyes.

Enjoy them, their sound is killer.
-Flea market. —Zip it.

Nissim! -What?

Didn't you say you want
to spice things up with your wife?

I never said that.

Here.

Put this on her,
or on you, if you want.

Here, so you won't hear her as well.

Sometimes I swipe stuff
and don't even know what I'll do with them.

It's an instinct.

But what is it my grandpa used to say?
Steal on Friday, eat on the Sabbath.

Good thing she didn't bring the hot towels
they hand out to the passengers.

A hot towel.

Warm it up and wet it before.

What?
Ah, Ramzoul, Ramzoul.

I didn't forget. Last but not least.

You shouldn't have.
-"You shouldn't have"?

I mean it.
-I shouldn't have?

This is for you.

What's that?
-It's... This is all gone.

No gift?
-Of course there is.

Oh, here. This.

For... emergency landings,
in case of emergency landings.

It has all the instructions?
-All the instructions. It's like...

comics, but scary.

Did I come through or what?

I was afraid,
but everyone's happy.

What a cheapskate.

A train ticket Croatia.

It says it's two trips.
Am I an idiot?

What a scrooge.

Kohava got it so right.
Like you're on a real flight.

Excuse me, Sir,

would you mind if I recline the seat?

Thank you.

Really.

If it bothers you, I can sit up.
Really, it's no problem.

Thank you.

There's the supermarket.
Kohava!

Thank you.

Just what I need.

Here you go, Ma'am.

Chickens, clean, packed.

Have a nice day.

What's taking you so long?

Just put up a sign,
"Lady and drumsticks live here."

She's checking...

What's to check?

Really!

Who's next?

The one that came at the end just now.
Who's next? Who's next? Who's next?

Me, "who's next?"
-How can I help, Sir?

I want a whole chicken.
The freshest you have.

All the chickens are the same, Sir.
-Yeah, right.

He thinks he can fool me.
No, not that one, not that one.

Not that one.

Which one?

This one.

This one? -No, no.
There, there, that one.

No, next to it.

Look at me.

Put your hand in.
On the bottom, the bottom.

It doesn't cost you anything.
Yes, that one.

No, no, that one.

You touched it, you touched it.
No, underneath!

Yes, that one.

And take off the skin.
-I will take off your skin.

What? -Nothing, Sir.

Then everyone wonders
why we lose wars.

It starts with the butcher
who cuts corners with chicken

and ends with the commander
who cuts corners in battle.

This. No, this, this, this.

What am I?
A claw machine in an arcade?

What are you doing?
-What's the problem?

Weigh the chicken. -I did.
-You weighed it with the skin. -So?

So weigh it again without the skin.
-What?

You have to explain everything to them.

You took off the skin. -So?
-I'm not getting the skin. -So?

So I'm not paying for the skin.
Thank you, have a nice day.

You buy new pants...
-So?

You ask the sleeves be shortened.
-So?

I pay for the part I shortened?

Thank you, have a nice day.
-What's that got to do with it?

Why would I shorten my pants?

Wait, are you insinuating
that I'm a midget?

Are you calling me a midget? -Sir...
-Are you calling me a midget?

Sir, one packed whole chicken.
Have a nice day. Yes, please.

Then give me the skin.

What?

It's my skin. I paid for the skin,
give me the skin.

What you do with skin?
"What you do with skin?

A birthday balloon.
It's none of your business.

It's my right to get the skin.

It's my skin, I paid for the skin,
so give me the skin.

I threw it in the garbage, Sir.
-Then get it from the garbage.

Unbelievable.

I swear.

Here, Sir. -Thank you.
-Yes, please. -Hold on.

What is Sir doing?

Sorry, it's not mine.

Mine was bigger.

Bigger? -Bigger.

I'll kill you now! Get over here!

kill you now! I'll kill you now!

Alright, alright. Okay, it's close, okay.
The man's insane.

Never mind him. He's nuts.
He thinks I'm his girlfriend.

So you're with him.

He's lucky the display is here
or I'd cut him to slices.

What did he say?
-The sky is blooming... Go home, go.

What's that?

What are you watching?
-A video on Waswas.

Can I watch with you?
I love a good laugh too.

Believe me, you don't want to see this.

Nissim, what did we say about watching
adult videos at work? -No, it's Kohava.

No, not like that.

Someone filmed Kohava,

she went ballistic on the flight
from Croatia. Check it out. Show her.

Hey!

You mother... Get out of my seat
before I iron your... face!

Ma'am, please don't shout.
-You won't tell me what to do,

... stewardess... you bi... you...
Look at you.

We took off?

Too bad it wasn't an adult video.

Get up!

Get out of my seat before I...
-I got it. -Get up, you piece of... -Got it.

That's Kohava's daughter.
-Okay, stop it.

Now you listen to me.
No one, but no one forwards that video.

Clear?

Clear? -Yes, yes.
-Nissim? -Yes.

And include me in that group.

A good manager
can detect a problem on time

and nip it in the bud
before it gets out of hand.

I said let go! You...
Let go now! I'll bite you! I mean

Now I... Now I..

Luckily it's just on WhatsApp.

Hello?

No.

There's no Kohava here.

There's no Kohava here.
Never heard the name before.

There's no Kohava here.

I don't know
where you get your information,

but don't call here anymore.
Thank you.

From the Rafi Reshef talk show.

"Issachar Bounty", hello.
-Hello?

Avihai, how are you?
Having fun in Eilat?

Eilat? I'm on my way back.
-Why are you on your way back now?

Why? She asks me why!

Your numbskull of a cashier is beating up
a handicapped man all over WhatsApp,

that's why!
My phone is ringing off the hook!

They're calling her
"the baboon from the plane."

Just so you know, if Issachar asks,
I'm blaming it all on you, is that clear?

-Is that clear?! -Yes.

Now listen

before our supermarket becomes
the supermarket of baboons,

drop whatever you're doing
and fire that screwball.

You want me to fire Kohava?

Fire Kohava?

You got a hearing problem?

Fire Kohava
before the media is all over us.

Fire her now! You hear me?
-At your command, Mr. Fogg.

What?
-At your command, Mr. Fogg.

Phileas Fogg?
From "Around the World in Eighty Days".

That happens to him a lot.
He gets on an elevator and the signal...

Kohava to the manager's office.
Kohava to the manager's office.

That was the seat. -Similar.

What's this?
-Didn't you hear?

God is calling me.
God is a woman..

What? -Kohava..

What? -Please, sit down.

It's alright, I sat at work.
-Kohava...

I assume you know why you're here.

No.

Ah, no!
Oh, come on, believe me.

I'm sorry, I...
I thought they're my cigarettes from home.

I swear!
I only took three packs, I swear.

I'll bring them back tomorrow.
I didn't even open them,

I didn't even smoke one.
-What? -What?

No.

Kohava, I'm talking about the video.

You don't know what I'm talking about?

No.

Come here, you...
Get out of my seat before I...

Piece of...

Do you recognize the voice?
-No, I don't. Are you saying that's me?

It's not you?
-It could be anyone.

Listen to me, baldy,
I, Kohava Shavit from Yavne,

inform you...
I... between your... and put it...

Now do you recognize her?
-And turn until I...

You know how many Kohava Shavits
there are in Yavne?

Tons.

What don't you get, you...
I'll make it crystal clear. Moooo!

That means "get outta here"
in your language, you...

What can I do?
He messed with me on the plane.

So chaos ensued,

a little shouting, a little pushing,
a little spitting.

... your mother, you hear me? You...

Baboon or no baboon,
my hair is to die for.

That's Croatians for you.

Say what you will,
they know how to blow dry.

Where are you?
I'm coming.

Excuse me, do you work here?
-So?

Does the baboon from the plane work here?
The baboon? We don't have baboons here.

But they said on the news
that she works here. -So they said.

Never listen to the news.

Yamit, no selfies,
the funny lady from the video isn't here.

What did we come here for?

Hang on, hang on.

Hang on, hang on! -He has something to say
-Wait here a second.

Koh...

What? Talk already!
-Okay. -What?

Kohava, you know you're like
a second mother to me?

You were raised by lesbians,
is that it? That explains a lot.

Is that what you wanted?
-I wasn't raised by lesbians.

No, that's not... Not that lesbians...
Okay, no... it's just... -No, okay, no.

This is so hard to say!
-What is it?

The checkout's empty.
-Okay, Kohava, you're fi...

Fiery hot.

A fireball.

Finally getting your chair.

What?

Fired.
-Excuse me?

You're fired, Kohava.

Girl...
I thought you're serious.

I'm fired? -Fired?

I told her she's fired.
-What?!

What?
-I said she's fired.

Fired?! Why is she fired?
-Avihai, you told me to fire Kohava.

To fill Kohava! To fill, not fire.

To fill her with sweets,
like my favorite employee deserves!

Your favorite employee? -Yes.
Come with me, Kohava.

Tell me, where's my new chair?
-Later, Kohava. People are waiting for you.

Why later? Let's resolve it now.
-Not now, later! People are waiting...

I think she's coming.
-Where is she? -That could be her.

Kohava, you queen,
curse me out for Instagram!

You...

Yes!

Do me a solid, diss me.
Let 'er rip. -You...

You midget...

You sole provider...

You big fart...

You...

You...

...emoji! -Emoji!

Kohava, Kohava!

I always knew I'd be famous for something.
It was just a matter of time.

But don't worry,
I won't let success change me.

Kohava, Kohava!