Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - A Celebrity in the Supermarket - full transcript

Gimme a scribble.

What do you see in front of you?
What?

I can't hear you.
Speak into the mouthpiece.

What's this about? -Forget it,
he thinks he's alone in the world.

Gorbachev. Film him, show the viewers
what kind of people live in this country.

Put it in my
cubby-hole. Dr. Zeidel.

Thank you. Good bye.
Are you a doctor? -Yes.

Can I ask you a question?
-Could you please finish with me?

Excuse me? I'm with a customer.
She thinks she's the only person on earth.

Look, this little thing grew on my back,
I'm not sure it's little, it's something.

I'd appreciate if you could take a look.
-No, no, I'm not that kind of doctor.



I'm a doctor of philosophy.
-Fine, same difference. Take a look.

People are waiting. -Let them.
You'd think she's Angela Merkel.

Miss, does this seem normal to you?
-That's exactly what I want to ask him.

It's green, compressed, like seaweed.
It smells funky.

Kohava, Kohava!
-If you could take a whiff...

What's going on?
-The doctor will be right with you too.

I'm sorry. Kohava, did you forget
what we said about SCS?

Let me give you a tip in management.

The most important principle
in providing service

is sterile customer space - SCS.

Another tip is that a good manager
can simplify messages with acronyms.

SMIA

SCS, SPS, this is a matter
of life or death. -Stop.

How much longer do I have? -He doesn't...
-How much longer? Tell me the truth!



Oh man! She killed me.
If not from this, then from her.

In this case what counts
is that the SCS wasn't violated

and no customer was embarrassed.

Checkout

"Shefa Issachar"

"Celeb at the Supermarket"

Burn it! Don't be shy.

Is it off?
-Now it's purple.

Guys, guess who's here!
That guy, what's his name, from TV.

Yehuda Barkan? -No!

That guy, from Master Chef,
the Chinese guy. -Bruce Lee?

"Bruce Lee"...
You mean Aharoni?

Aharoni, Aharoni.
It was so surreal!

He stopped next to the wet wipes,
looked at the furthest left from the right,

picked it up,
looked at it with his huge eyebrows,

then put it back! -Man.

They're so psyched by that Master Chef.

Peel me some onion for couscous,
why don't you?

Such a cheesy show. Disgusting.

Except Haim Cohen. He's so cute,
I could eat him up. He's some sweet cookie.

And the girl.
She's classy. Swan-like.

She's intelligent.
Emotionally intelligent.

And that Shani guy, he kills me.
swear, I'm nuts about that show.

Nuts about it.

I gotta text Shlomo
that he's in our supermarket.

Who's in our supermarket?
-Aharoni.

Get this, Shira,
he was in the wet wipes aisle,

took the furthest left from the right,
looked at it with his huge eyebrows

and put them back.

Who's Aharoni?
-Who is he? The judge.

A judge in our supermarket?
Supreme or district?

Supreme, of course. Master Chef.
Channel 2, the most supreme.

You see who they admire?
Master Chef.

Their culture heroes
are people from reality shows.

But you can't blame them.

As the Torah says,
they're inadvertent sinners.

The people that create these reality shows
are irresponsible, they debase culture.

These shows are sub-standard

and forgive me,
these people belong in jail.

You know, I do reality shows too...

As a hob... as a prof... as...

Okay.

Okay, that's...
Oh no, the cereal supplier.

Excuse me.

I'm coming, Danny.

You bet I'll do a selfie with him!
Kohava, how should I pose?

Hug him or just stand there?
-Excuse me, hang up.

Hold on your horses.

No one is doing a selfie
with a customer.

She's absolutely right.
-Thank you, Kohava.

Yes, video is better.
-Video, sure. -No, hey...

We're doing a video with him, Shlomo.
-I told you to hang up. No, absolutely not.

No video or selfie with any customer.
Remember one word - SCS.

What's that?

Whatever, I get first dibs.
-No, wait, Kohava. Okay.

Dear friends,
I know that this man excites you

because he was on some reality show,
that's all fine and dandy,

but it doesn't mean
he should be treated differently

than any other customer.

There will be no invasion
of his sterile space. Is that clear?

I don't hear you. Is that clear?
-Yes, yes. -Clear. -Thank you.

Did you see who's in our supermarket?!

Yeah, Aharoni with the eyebrows.
-Aharoni! What a kook!

We gotta have a picture of him
for the "Yavneh Voice."

Avihai, I... -No, I want a picture of him
with one of the employees,

so people know he shopped here,
and not with your sourpuss, okay?

I want a picture of him with...
-Me, me!

I want someone..

With Ramzi!
Ramzi's the most presentable.

Getting such a compliment
from the supermarket chain manager?

"Presentable,

"serves as an example,
fine model, representative."

Webster Dictionary.

Yes, Ramzi. -Avihai...

What?

Well?! -Okay.

I just explained the SCS principle
to the employees. -The what?

The most important principle
when providing service

is sterile customer space - SCS.
-Aaahhh, SCS.

But that collides with the CTC principle.
-Remind me what that is.

Cut the crap you idiot!
-That's CTCUI...

If I don't get a picture
of Aharoni shopping here,

you're on a rocket back
to where you came from! Got it? -Yes.

Great tights you got there, Esti.

Avihai voiced his opinion,

I voiced mine

and by mutual decision we chose his opinion.
Fertile management.

After consulting with Avihai
we decided that just this time

we'll overlook the SCS principle
and resume it after Aharoni...

leaves the supermarket.

The mole on my back
has more of a spine than her.

You know what? I think it grew.
Ew.

It's a bit wet even.

Hello.
-What's your name?

I should say it? -Yes.
-I am Anatoly Kirilinko.

I'm a butcher at the meat counter.

That's it.

How long have you been in Israel?
-5 years, but I come and go, I don't know.

Let's say 3.5.

You speak Hebrew well.
-Yes, not...

I learned from meat counter,
customers talk, I answer, what can I do?

But marfy'things I don't understand.

But idiots talk lots of nonsense.
It doesn't matter what they say.

If they say nothing, it's better.
Just point at the meat, I give you. That's it.

Look at what people toss
in the dumpster. -Wow!

You always find the coolest stuff
in the garbage, huh?

You have to know how to look.
It's art, Anatolika. It ain't no fluke.

I haven't played in such a long time.
-You're telling me you know chess?

Chess? I tear you apart
like chicken for schnitzel.

You don't say!
-Oh, I say, times two square.

Let's bet. -You name it.

The loser tends to customers for a week.
-Two. -Done.

You're gonna work hard
for the next two weeks. -What's this?

I'll play pretend?

No horses, no queen,
no king, nothing. -What do we do?

Go.

Check. -"Check"?

What? Check, dude, check.

How can you move the king liKi that?
-That's the king, this is a horse.

Liver, a horse? We sai¥go©se heart.
-No, liver is a horse, it's massive.

No way! The king is liver.
He moves one space, he's fatty.

Okay, fine!

Checkmate. -"Checkmate"?
-You said a horse is goose heart.

A horse eats the queen,
thank you, have a nice day.

No, my mistake.
Goose heart is the king.

Decide already!
-My mistake.

Excuses in the toilet, davai!
-Okay, so I got mixed up!

Tend to the customers!
-You cry baby!

Nissim tends to customers!
-Now yoit're the big man?

I knew I shouldn't play with you.
-For two weeks...

Next time I play with you...
-Davai, Nissim, davai.

Fine, davai, davai.
-He'll be right out.

Mama, how are you?

Are you sitting down?

Your son is going to be a celeb.

They're putting a picture of me
and Aharoni in the "Yavneh Voice."

Ramzi.

Mama, alright. Alright, Mama.

The commander needs me,
I have to go. Alright. Bye, Mama.

Let's get this saga over with.
Where are you going?

To ask Aharoni for a picture.
-Am I talking to the wall?

What don't you get about SCS?
-SCS, right, SCS.

Sorry, Big Boss, I'm excited.

Wait, how do we carry out Avihai's order?

A picture with someone demands
invasion of his sterile space...

Okay, right.
Not if we apply my strategy.

I love strategies. -Okay, I'll stand here
where no one can see me,

with the camera.

You walk by Aharoni, casually,
you're just arranging products.

Once I saydhe code word, you look at me.
Bam! I take a picture.

Thank you, you're welcome. Avihai
gets his picture and the SCS isn't violated.

Perfect plan, Mademoiselle.
-Thank you.

Can I pick the code word?
-No, Ramzi, I'm sorry.

At this point of the mission
the code word can't be changed.

And the code word is... Matbukha.
(Moroccan tomato salad) -No way!

That's the word I wanted to suggest!
Shira, we should do something together.

Some other time.

Look, the subject is approaching.

On your way.

On your way.

Go. Ramzi?

Ramzi?

Fear paralyzes.
What if I don't come out nice?

What if people see my picture
in the "Yavneh Voice"

and say: "Him?
He's not presentable enough.

"Let us stop shopping
at that supermarket

"if they employ vile people like him."

Now, Ramzi. -Shira...
-What?

I can't.

Ramzi...
ruin it, I know I will.

Don't worry. -I need air.

I need air. -You're just nervous.
-I can't do this. -Ramzi, it's fine.

On your way.

The "Yavneh Voice" has a large circulation.
Fame can baffle anyone.

Look what happened
to former "Big Brother" celebs.

Look what happened to Dudu Topaz.
(Celebrity who committed suicide)

I don't want that to happen to me.

Ramzi, you're fine.

Listen to my instructions, look at me,
I promise you'll be fine. Clear?

On your way.

Excuse me.

Mr. Aharoni was unaware of my presence.

Everyone always said
that I'm a gifted actor.

Even at the mixed school in Haifa
I got all the leads.

And a solo
at the end of the year party.

"Ta ta, Allah Allah...

"Wallah, what a wonderful morning.

"I love chocolate.

"I love Elliot..."

'm a bit nervous.

Matboukha!

Matboukha!

Matboukha!

Matboukha, Ramzi!

Ramzi!
I said Matboukha!

A thousand apologies, Big Boss.
Anarchy on the snack shelf...

I forgot we're on a secret mission.

The snacks spoke to me.

"Please, Ramzi, I'm a cheese snack,
don't leave me with the peanuts."

I'll just tidy up this shelf.

Stop! You think I have all day?

"Issachar Bounty"

The teacher picks on him.

Why? Why? Why?
Because he's gifted, why?

She's jealous.

Mom! -What, sweetheart?
-I want this.

Pezkaleh, I'll call you right back, okay?

From the very first child
Mosh and I made a decision.

No children's brands in our home.

What is that, sweetie, a cup?
No, we have enough cups at home.

Then this.

What's that?

"Merry Jerry"? No.
Out of the question. Come, sweetheart.

My guests all know -
Leave shoes and name brands at the door.

Then this. -No.

Then this.

What is that, Gom-Gom?
It's grease remover. No.

What do you need grease remover for?
-Merry Jerry! -Stop it! Get up!

Get off the floor, Gom-Gom. -Merry Jerry!
-Gom-Gom, sweetheart...

And all those shelves, they make them low
on purpose, as a trap for children.

And most children do fall into the trap.

My son happens to be gifted,
so I can talk to him, explain, but...

not all children are like him.

Merry Jerry!
-Get up, get up.

He's tired.
-Merry Jerry!

Gom-Gom, it won't do you any good.
-Merry Jerry!

You want me to buy more d.i;ied fruit?
-Merry Jerry!

I'm counting to three and you're off the floor.
-Merry Jerry!

I'm counting to three.
-Merry Jerry!

Gomeh's teacher
in the gifted children's class

says that at times like these
one must apply assertive parenting.

Stop it, GomeH No, no! Gomeh!
Gomeh, stop! -Merry Jerry!

Stop it, Gomeh!
-Merry Jerry! Merry Jerry!

Merry Jerry!
-Gom-Gom...

Gom-Gom... -Merry Jerry!
-Stop it! -Merry Jerry!

Gom-Gom, that's enough!
-Merry Jerry!

Is this what you want?
Merry Jerry?

Gomeh, he's a regular person,
just like you and me.

What, because he's famous?
Because he's on TV? -Merry Jerry!

Merry Jerry!
-Isn't he... from the TV show?

Merry Jerry!
-I actually like... Keep an eye on him.

Merry Jerry!

Merry Jerry!

Excuse me, Israel?

Hello. -Hello. Forgive me.
I don't usually do this, but...

would you mind sending my niece
a birthday wish? -Gladly. -Thank you.

What's her name? -Shuni.
-And how old is she? -49.

This niece of yours is old.
-Yes. -No problem.

Action! -Doesn't it bother you,
that kid screaming his head off?

Merry Jerry!

No, no, it's okay. Go ahead.

Wow, I'm really gratefuTto you.
-My pleasure.

Dear Shuni, hello there.
Happy birthday.

Enjoy life, it's all good,
congratulations, bye.

Thank you so much, thank you.

Tell me,
what are you doing in this dump?

Ramzi, I need you focused, okay?

You can't be distracted
by every Diet-lcie outside the freezer.

There's Diet—Icie outside the freezer?
-No, it's just an example.

Okay, Ramzi, focus.
All that matters is a picture.

Clear? -Clear.
-Clear? -Clear.

Just the picture.
-On your way.

Matboukha..

Big Boss, we got Siamese pickles again.

What's wrong?

Ramzi..

I'm going to be fired.

Because the Diet-lcie
was outside the freezer?

I knew that someone would find out.

Come here. Take a look.

We start with this surprising news.

Chef Israel Aharoni was taken
to hospital this morning

having sustained four fractures
in his foot.

The accident occurred
at "Issachar Bounty" supermarket.

Aharoiaj's associates blame
the supermarket employees

who kept following him
and invading his sterile customer space.

The SCS, Big Boss!
It's on the news!

Chain manager Avihai Grazian
responded through his attorney:

'"Issachar Bounty" will bring
the people responsible to justice.

Did you hear what he said?

"Issachar Bounty" will bring
the people responsible to justice.

I dropped the tin can on him.

I'm responsible.
-Yes, but I'm responsible for you.

I'm the head of the snake.

Now Avihai will come and..

cut off my head.
-No, no, no, no.

Not on my watch.

Not on a day I do a double shift.

When I entered the world of glamor,

I knew that it's a dangerous world
that can bring devastation upon us.

Now I have to step up.

It's my responsibility, period.

I appreciate that, Ramzi,
but I'll have none of that.

I won't take no as an answer.
-Stop, Ramzi. -Stop, shmop.

It's out of the question.
-It's in and how. -Ramzi!

Stop, off, confirm. Stop!
I'm responsible, period.

Here you are!

Avihai..

You listen to me and listen good.
What happened... -Avihai,

I'd like to say something
as supermarket manager, if I may.

What?

It's Ramzi's fault.

What?

Yes.

He...

dropped the tin can on Aharoni

and no matter
how many times I warned him...

You don't say. -Yes.

And he came to my office

to tell me that he would step up

and pay the price.

Ramzi..

Is that true?

Is that true?

Yes, Sir.
-You listen to me,

I've been working in supermarkets
for 20 years,

20 years!
And this has never happened to me!

All I have to say is...

thank you. Thank you, Ramzi!

A thousand thank yous, Ramzi!

Thank you? -Of course.
Didn't you watch the entertainment news?

He talked about the accident.
-Forget the accident!

Didn't you hear what he said at the end?

"Chain manager Avihai Grazian
responded through his attorney."

Guy Pines himself, damn straight!

Guy Pines mentioned my name,
Avihai Grazian!

Who needs
the "Yavneh Voice" now?!

Way to go, Ramzi.
Take a lesson from him!

Get over here.

Take a lesson from him!
Genius, genius, genius!

"To Ramzi the genius..."

Wow.

"From Avihai the celeb."

Yay, licorice! Yummy.
Want some?