Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - A Miracle in the Butchery - full transcript

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"Issachar Bounty"
"Miracle at the Meat Counter"

Meat counter, Sunday 09:20

Hi.
-Hello there.

I'd like entrecote please.
-Coming right up.

The customers don't like it
when we butt in.

"Take this, that that...
Why're you butting in? Who asked you?"

So I try not to express my opinion
at the meat counter.

Whatever the customer wants is sacred.

Give me some nice cuts
for the barbeque. -Barbeque?!

Entrecote?! Dude, take the rump steak.
-You say rump steak is better? -Sure.



Give me rump steak.
-How many pieces? -Seven.

Seven? -Yes.
-Seven'll leave you wanting more,

take 12. -Make it 12.
-What's the barbeque for?

The gang's hanging out at Yarkon Park.
-Yarkon Park?

Go to the new park in Herzliya.
Just go to the...

What's wrong?

Thank God for miracles
in this day and age.

What is it, pal?
Are you alright?

"Alright"? Better than alright!

What? -"What"?

Look at this. What do you see?

Meat, steak? -Steak?
Take a closer look!

Fat? Steak fat?
-"Fat"?!

It's the rabbi of livelihood!
It comes around once in 30 years!



Once in a generation!
-I wouldn't know, pal.

You wouldn't know?
You call yourself Jewish?!

Look. Here are his eyes.
His nose, his ears, his mouth,

his famous mole...
-Uh... listen... I don't...

Can you just give me the steaks?
-Rabbi Ekron from Sated!

The rabbi of livelihood
here in our supermarket!

Once in 30 years, once in a generation
and you want steak!?

Thank you, God.
-Whoa, dude! Pal...?

Not many know this,
but up until 30 years ago

the owner of "Castro"
sold jeans out of his trunk.

One day Rabbi Ekron appeared
in the button of a pair of dungarees

and the rest is history.

I'm sorry I stink. Had I known
you were coming, I would have tidied up.

Nissim. -What?

Why did a customer just tell me
that there's no service at the meat counter?

Forget the customers, Shira.
Who needs customers when we have him?

What?
-Ah, sorry.

Him.

I don't understand what you're showing me.
Are you Jewish or what?

Do you know who this is?
Rabbi Ekron son of Arye from Safed!

The rabbi of livelihood
here in our supermarket!

Look, here are his eyes,
his ears, his nose, his mouth...

the famous mole.

The fact that in 2018
people still worship dead people

and quote the drivel
that came out of their mouths...

is so sad to me.

Steve Jobs said it best:
"Leave the past, hold the future!"

So beautiful, so simple, so precise...

You just quoted a dead man...

There are dead people
and there are dead people.

Okay, Nissim, I respect your faith,
I know that you're excited,

but there's nothing in that steak.

And any intelligent... -God help me!
I don't believe it!

The saint Rabbi Ekron son of Arye,
what is he doing here? -Sshhh...

Let me touch it!
Bless his heart!

"Issachar Bounty"

Excuse me, I can't check which employee
has a birthday before I fire someone.

So he can celebrate some other day.

Try the other side.
-I'm trying the other side...

Try the other side again.

Give it here.

What is this?

My hands are greasy from the pickles.
-Try the other side.

The other side.
-Here, I got the corner.

It's... from the pickles.
-Try the other side.

"Other side, other side," you're like a broken
record. You turn it over to the other side.

Who's the sadist that invented these bags?

I'd crack his head open
if I could find which side.

No, no, no! Oh no. Really...
People... -They don't open...

It takes calm, gentleness and patience.

Slowly slowly...

And... it separates. Okay.

No, listen...
There's a method. Start from the corner.

No, it has nothing to do with the comer.
-Start from the corner. -Hold on.

Go like this, "foo!" -No need to spit.
Wait, I know how to do it.

Try the other side.
-I know these bags.

Okay. And...

Ta-lam!

This wouldn't happen at "Levi Plenty."

Meat counter, Sunday 11:33

"My help is from God..."
-Nissim, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Rabbi Avner Zada.
Nissim, our butcher.

The IV rabbi? -In the flesh.
-An honor.

Two years ago my aunt was dying
in the hospital, no one knew why.

Until one night the image of Rabbi Vaknin,
e saint from Djerba, appeared in her IV bag

The rabbi of health. -Yes.

But he appeared... not entirely...
just half his face.

Which is an honor too...
-Yes. Then we asked Rabbi Zada

to verify that it's not a false IV,
God forbid.

Short and sweet, he ruled
that it is the Rabbi from Djerba. -Yes.

And guess what happened
one month later. -Yes.

Your aunt recovered?
-"Recovered"?

She was like brand new.
She was so happy.

May God avenge her blood.
"May God avenge her blood"?

One month after a routine checkup,
a crane came crashing down on her head.

Poof, dead, on the spot.

She was squished.
Unexpected accidents are a different saint...

Baba Ben Tov from Netivot.
-No, Baba Ben Tov is car accidents.

You're confusing him with the Big Eagle,
Rabbi Ventura.

Big Eagle is a general saint. He doesn't have
one specialty. He's a jack of all trades.

Here you go, Rabbi.
-Let him inspect him.

What do we do?
-First verify that it is the saint,

because sadly these days,
there are impostors. -Oh my... -May I?

Go ahead, Rabbi.

Careful with the mole.

Rabbi! The saint!
-Calm down, it's routine.

If he's an impostor,
he won't survive this.

Well? Did he survive?

Kosher!
More kosher than kosher!

What did I tell you, huh?
Didn't I tell you?

It means that all the saint's salvations
and blessings will be upon me?

And upon me. Commission.

This is a conundrum.
-A conundrum, Rabbi? What conundrum?

Did you pay for this meat
even as little as one coin? -No.

This meat and its blessing
belong to the supermarket

and the blessing will be upon its manager.

hat's this have to do with the supermarket,
Rabbi? -With all due respect!

Did the supermarket slice it?
Did the supermarket weight it?

Did the supermarket wrap it?
Salt it? Make it kosher?

Rabbi, mercy!
-Rabbi, I'm not going anywhere

without the blessing!
-Sshhh, calm down, no need to be angry.

In cases such as these,
Jewish law provides another option.

What option? -For instance...

You can transfer the saint
to a third party. -Meaning? -Meaning,

I'm just tossing this out there,

you can transfer it to my cousin,
the Kabbalist Pinhasov.

I'm sure you've heard of him.
-Yes. -Of course.

He has God fearing disciples
who study Torah day and night. -Yes?

They can enjoy the saint's divine aura

and whoever is in the vicinity
will be blessed... -No, no.

Kohava, he wants to detach me
from the saint? -Wait, let's hear him out.

Obviously you will be nicely rewarded
for the discovery itself.

Some $50,000.
that's no small potatoes.

$50,000?
I need a minute to think..

To think?!

If I put the steak in a cooler
or seal it with vacuum!

You scared me there!

Thank you, Rabbi.
Help yourself to a chicken.

It's not about the money,

but the saint decided to lavish me.
Me!

How can I not take it?
The saint could be offended.

Then he'll reveal himself to me
somewhere else, I'll feel bad.

hen Steve Jobs launched the first iPhone,

he spent 40% of the budget
on packaging alone.

A good manager understands
that a product must be packed

to look inviting,
whether it's an iPhone or... red pepper.

"Mendel Bags" has existed for 67 years.
-67 and two months...

If you include your factory at Ein Tut.

Very nice. We produce the finest bags
in the market.

European standard, American design,
Japanese technology, of course.

Which bags are you using now?
-Um...-"Malkiel."

"Malkiel"?
-That was way before I got here.

If it's between putting my food
in a "Malkiel" bag or a pool of phosphorus,

I'll go with the phosphorus every time.
-My branch isn't like that.

I hope not. -It isn't.
-Our bags are in a different league.

100% carbon fiber,
resistant to all temperatures,

freezing cold, heat, you name it...
Digital print

and in terms of the environment,
100% biodegradable.

Want to feel it? Feel it.

Look at this... Presto!

One for Madame. -May I? -Sure.
You remembered the factory in Ein Tut...

Feel it, fondle it, don't be shy.

Wow...
Is that the carbon fiber I feel?

Sure.

And this is important, guys -
the first patent bag of its kind... -Okay.

That allows the customer
to instantly detect the opening

and we call it: "Blow and buy."

"Blow and buy."
-Blow... -And buy.

What can I say? I'll take it!

Okay. Where's the contract,
the checkbook? This ain't no game.

Ramsey, can you get the checkbook
instead of... -Sure. -Blowing on the bag?

Oh yeah baby!

Cuckoo. -Shirushka!
These bags are deluxe!

Where there's a will there's a way.
-What can I say?

Your convenience is my happiness.

That's... the precious customer.
-I'm so glad to hear that!

What a shopping experience.
-Thank you.

That's how it is when you go
the Steve Jobs way. You can't miss.

You know that Steve and I have
a mystic connection?

That Steve and I were born
on the same day?

What day? -Tuesday.

Tuesday when?
-On a Tuesday.

Riki! -They make me want to shop.
-Riki! -Try the Smiths. -Riki!

I'm calling you, why don't you answer?
-I'm Shira. -That's not what I asked.

If I call you, you answer. -Sorry.
-What is all this? Huh?

You having a field day?
-I didn't get a chance to tell you, Avihai,

but this is pretty exciting...

I changed the bags at the vegetable rack.
-You what?

I changed the bags.
They come off the roll easier and..

open with... a blow.

You think I'm a sadist? You think I like
giving customers bags that rarely open?

But I have no choice. Give the Israeli
good bags and they have a field day.

They put one plum in each bag.

You know how hard it is
to get bags that suck these days?

My God, why?
Why change a winning horse?

Does your father own the supermarket?
-No.

Luckily, thank God...

one of the managers is the boss' daughter.
I don't remember who.

You have by the end of the week
to change all the bags to "Malkiel,"

if not, no one will know
there was a Riki here. -Shira.

Get to work!
Before you're out of bags!

I was so excited that I threw
all the "Malkiel" bags into the garbage.

found one.

I'll say it again,
the bags are extremely thin,

they're called "Malkiel."
They never open.

I know, but maybe in your storeroom.
Can you check for me?

Hello? No, this is...

Big Boss, good news. I talked to my cousin
at the Netzer Sireni branch...

He has "Malkiel" bags?
-No, he doesn't even know what they are,

but he's getting married.
He's 54 and missing an eye. Finally.

Who cares about your cousin?!
need "Malkiel" bags by the end of the week.

That's a problem.
-A huge problem.

None of the buyers have these bags.
They're not even legal.

I put all we had in the dumpster
and someone took them out?!

Who loves bags that much?!

Who loves bags and takes them
out of the garbage?! What?

Titinksy? -Steinbuch?

Where did you get those bags?
-None of your business.

You took them out of the garbage?
-Me? A history professor?

I'd take things out of the garbage?!

Last week you asked me to sell you
expired herring from the garbage.

History.
-Amnon, those are our bags.

They were. Now they're mine.
-No, Amnon, I...

Return those bags or...

Or what? What?

Okay.
-Alright, alright, alright.

Pay me.
-How much? -Five.

Shekels? -Five thousand.
-For bags?! -They're vintage.

He's annoying me!
He's annoying me!

I don't want to give him 5,000 for bags.
They're our bags. Why should I...

Last offer, Mr. Titinsky.
One penny per bag. -Excellent. -Good.

No, thanks. -No need.

Ever since I can remember,
I start the day with fresh yogurt.

Either yogurt or porridge
that Mother used to make.

And it has yogurt in it too.
Then people ask why I don't leave home.

Tell him I'm closed.
-She's closed. -Very funny.

Tell him I'm glad he finds it funny.

Go on, tell him. Tell him.
-She's glad you find it funny.

And tell him that after I'm done with you,
I'm going to the little girl's room.

But if he wants to,
there's another checkout counter,

just as good. -She says
there's another checkout counter.

Just as good.
-Just as good.

Funny, huh?

Okay, no problem.

Excuse me, friend,
you look like a good guy...

would you mind including this yogurt
in your purchase? I'll pay you in cash.

I have the exact amount. -Okay.

There, your checkout is it!
-Okay. Here you go.

1,060 pennies.

Oh, wait,
there's a supermarket birthday special

for every purchase over 1,000
you get a 50 shekel discount.

Hey... -Cool.

I brought you luck. -Totally.
-"Totally" he says... Gimme a hug.

Gimme a hug. I never won anything!
-What?

We won 50.
-"We won"? -Yes. We won.

You got a 50 shekel bill?
I'll pay you back 25 in pennies.

I'll call Mother and tell her we won.
-Pal, hold on there.

We didn't win anything, okay? It's my purchase
and I did you a favor with the yogurt.

"A favor with the yogurt"?
You did me a favor!

You did me a favor with the yogurt!
He did me a favor with the yogurt!

People, stop the presses!

This nice man did me a favor
with the yogurt!

I'll call Mother and tell her
that I met a nice man

who did me a favor with the yogurt!

I just love it when customers fight.

It's like theater.
Just without the falling asleep part.

Pal, if not for my yogurt,
you wouldn't get a discount!

If not for my favor,
you'd be stuck here for half an hour!

Nice come back indeed.

If not for my yogurt,
you wouldn't know there's a special!

You discovered it thanks to me.
-Fine, thanks to you, okay?

You're the Columbus of specials.

So that's how it is? Okay.
Cancel the yogurt.

No, no, cancel the yogurt.

If you say so.

997. No discount.

Oh, not the hero now, huh?
Now you need the Columbus of specials.

1,040, you get a discount.
-Hey, hold on. You know what?

gave it some thought and... you're right.
It is your purchase, so...

Please finish with me.
-Let's do the following:

Just put the yogurt through
and give me 10 shekels for the special.

Thanks. -Just the yogurt.
5 shekels for the special.

Just put the yogurt through!
The yogurt, you scum! Scum!

Go, go!

You'll have the guilt feelings, not me.

The youth of today, huh?
Gimme the yogurt, I'll let you go.

Really? -You think?
I'm going to the little girl's room,

but if you want,
the other checkouts are just as good.

I'm staying right here.
I have all the time in the world.

Congratulations.
-Praise God.

Just keep it safe, huh?
The mole is loose as it is. -God willing.

Pack it for transport,
I'm going to turn the a/c on in the car...

Will do, Rabbi.

Kohava, keep an eye on the rabbi,
I'm going to get the cooler.

Sure thing. I got this.

I said "I got this," she won't puncture your
tires anymore, you have a mother's word.

Excuse me, is anyone here?

Hello!

Give me 250 grams
minced meat, please.

I'm not working today, Ma'am,
I just came to get something. Nissim!

Do me a favor, give me some meat
and then go. There's no one here.

Nissim!

Thank you. -How much?
-250 grams minced meat.

250 grams. It's for a parrot...

Look at this, exactly 250.

Like a pharmacy.

Wait, do you want Angus instead?
It's more worthwhile.

No, this is fine.
-No is no.

No., this is fine.
-No is no.

But Ma'am, if you take over 500 grams,
you get a discount.

Don't you want a bigger cut?
-No, this is good. -Good is good.

Here we go!

Anything else? -Keep it in the fridge,
I’l'l be right back.

Goodbye. -Thank you.

Kohava!

Kohava, the rabbi's waiting outside!

Anatoly, what are you doing here?
-I came to get my charger.

How's it going? -Where's the rabbi?
-What rabbi? -Rabbi Ekron son of Arye.

Who is that?
The supervisor that never comes?

The rump steak!
-Don't shout, I ground it for a lady.

She asked to keep it cold.

You ground up Rabbi Ekron son of Arye?!
-What?

You ground up the rabbi!
-Sweetie, I'm telling you,

she's coming to school tomorrow
with shoes. Bye, sweetie, bye.

What's with the sourpuss?
-"What"?!

I asked you to watch the rabbi,
you said "I got this."

Who was talking to you?
was talking to Jessica's teacher.

Is it ready?

What's going on? Where's the rabbi?

You ground up the rabbi?

I don't believe it,
the rabbi's ground up?

You... you ground up the rabbi?

I didn't grind a rabbi,
I ground up a steak.

Who told you to?! Who?!
Why did you touch it?!

It's your day off,
why are you even here?!

You idiot, what did I do?
-Damn! $50,000 down the drain.

You can put the rabbi on a skewer,
you can pound him, you don't grind a rabbi!

No more Rabbi Ekron.
-No more $50,000.

No more closing off the balcony.
-No more weekend in Burgas.

I come to get a phone charger.
What rabbi? That was a rabbi?

I don't see a rabbi!
Is that slang in Hebrew?

"Bro, you ground up the rabbi,
you messed with my rabbi?"

I don't understand those jokes!

Is this a rabbi? -No. -No.

This? -No. -No.

Is this a rabbi?
-Looks more like the saint from Sana'a.

Oh, look here.
Hold on.

Meni Beeger (singer).

No, more like Nissim Garame (singer).
-Look at the profile.

Is Nissim Garame a saint?
-In some eireles. Give me tihat.

Ment Beger
-Walt. - Idiots.

Kohava, let's se if...
-Wait, let's see...

Check if it's an ompostor.

Impostor.