Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Mine from Home - full transcript

How long will you be here?

We figured... a while.

How many crew members?

About ten.

Mostly single guys?

I'm Shira, Shira Steinbuch.

Shira, accent on the "ra."

I'm the supermarket manager,

from Yavne, originally.

You can film whatever you want,
Everything is open.

You can go behind the meat counter,
you can come into my office...



if you're single. Kidding.

Sorry.

Just try to make us look good...

I mean, it's all good,

everything here is good.

But if you happen to see
a confrontation

or anything that could be
interpreted as...

Don't film it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

Titinsky!

You throw a wild party

without inviting me?

Just don't drink

all that tomato juice in one slurp.



Think you're funny, huh?

Here, I made this up
just for you.

The wind blows colder and higher

Let's add another stick to the fire

Amnon Titinsky's a liar...

Well?

You like? -Very much.

Hand that over and you can go
to your tomato party.

Hand what over?
-That thing you've been sucking on

for the past five minutes.
-What, this? Oh, no,

I brought this from home.

From what?
-From home.

What's "home"?

That thing with roof tiles and windows.

How was I supposed to know?
-I just told you. Now you know.

Now is too late.
Did you tell anyone when you came in?

Tell them what?
-That you brought it from home.

You want me to walk in
and announce:

Listen, everyone, I brought
these Wafer-Snax from home?

Pay up and move on. -I won't pay for
an item I brought from home.

You're not going anywhere

until you pay for the item
you claim you brought from home.

Fine, I won't go anywhere. -Fine with me.
I've got all the time in the world.

Fine. -We'll wait.

For heaven's sake...
-"For heaven's sake..."

I'll pay for it,

okay? -Looky here!

It's the baron in flip-flops!

He'll pay for the item
I brought from home!

Why don't you pay f@r my haircut
while you're at it?

The famous philanthropist, buying
people things they already bought!

Can you get moving?

Butt out! Who asked you?

Don't yell at her.
-Why are you invading foreign territory?

Shh... Excuse me?
-Butt out! -Relax.

Amnon, what's the matter?
-I'll tell you what's the matter.

Go ahead. -A fellow comes to
the supermarket with a snack from home,

should he have to pay for it?
-Of course not. -Of course not.

There. You heard the manager.

If you told someone
when you came in.

There. You heard the manager.

"You heard the manager."

Big deal, Mark Zuckerberg.

I won't pay a single shekel
for anything. You hear me?

Enough already!

Give me those Wafer-Snax!
-You're invading my personal space!

Security to checkout 2.

Security to checkout 2.

Security to checkout 2!

Mordechai Chibotero.

Three-time Israeli boxing champion.

Now security guard
at the Yavne branch.

Security to checkout 2!

Security to checkout 2!
Chibotero!

People look for trouble

but when they see me
they think twice.

Ow! -Calm down!

She bit me!
-Security to checkout 2! Now!

She gave me rabies!
-Amnon.

There, that's it.

Oh! Look who's here..

Mom.

How long does it take to buy juice?

I'm roasting in the car.

They want me to pay for this.
-Then pay.

But I brought it from hame.
-Then don't pay.

Thank you.

Did you tell someone
when you came in?

Why does everyone know
that rule but me?

Why? Because you're an idiot.
Hurry up and pay,

my ass is dripping.

But Mom...

An idiot just like his father.

It ain't over till it's over.

Hand it over.

No problem. Here you go.

Excuse me.

Excels e me.

Who's giving you trouble, honey?

It's all right, Chibotero.
The good guys won.

Too bad. I could do with a fight.

Careful, it's falling!

Anyway, Anatoly,

it's forbidden to walk
into the wind on Shabbat.

Is that Jewish law?
-Anatoly Kirilanko and Nissim Shimoni.

Hi, Shirushka. -Where were you
the last hour and a half?

Praying at the synagogue
at the garage.

Thanking God for sending us
a boss like you.

You too, Anatoly?
-Why "you too, Anatoly?"

Why not "you too, Nissim"?

Racist.

In Moldova you're a stinking Jew,
in Israel you're a stinking Russian.

What? No, I didn't mean that,
Anatoly.

I just...

You celebrate New Year's.

It's not New Year's,
it's Novy God,

and we don't celebrate it,
we mark it.

Nobody has more respect
for religion

than I do.
All religions, okay?

I'm just saying
it's a bit problematic

for you to leave Ramzi all the work
for an hour and a half every day.

She's right.
-Thank you.

Let's phone the Sages and tell them
to cancel afternoon services.

Do you have the Sages' number?

Look it up on your cell.

Call and tell them
that a supermarket manager in Yavne

wants to cancel
a 5,000-year-old tradition.

Nissim, I'm serious.
-I am too.

You have something against us
praying to God?

And she's a Jew, can you believe it?

That's the worst part.
-What's next,

you'll make us work on Shabbat?
-Is circumcision okay, Antiochus?

You guys, my uncle is a rabbi.
-Mm-hm...

I know about Judaism.

All I'm saying is,

religion can't get in the way
of the store's proper functioning.

It's okay for Cochava
to go out and smoke every minute,

but we can't pray to
the one who created cigarettes!

Have you no shame, Shira?

Where's your sense of shame?

These TV people have ruined her.

Okay, stop, hold on,

guys, guys, it's not like that.

The last thing I want to do
is hurt your feelings.

I'm just saying that an hour and a half,
every day, so far away, is too much.

Why can't you pray here?

Where, with the shit-covered eggs?
Or with the boxes crawling with snakes?

Why don't you pray
in my office?

your office?

Where will you work?

manage.

I'd be happy to share
my office with you.

it'll be fine.

What does it mean
to be a manager?

It means thinking
outside the box

and finding solutions
that everyone's happy with.

Shira Steinbuch has done it again.

She ruins everything.

Like that..

Now we have to
pray in her office?

Isn't that better
than going to the garage?

What garage?

You think we go to the garage?

We go to the snack bar
at the gas station.

Fill out lottery cards.
Make money.

She wants a synagogue
in her office?

She won't get a synagogue,

she'll get the Third Temple.

You're back soon.
-What'd you expect?

They ruined my afternoon nap.

Degenerates.

How can I sleep knowing I paid for
something I brought from home?

You tell me?
-Why'd you come back?

Because in this country,
if you want justice

you have to grab it.

Here you go. -Are you paying,
or is that from home., too?

Very funny.

Ever think of going into
standup comedy?

1.55.

What's that?

What's what?
-You're rustling.

Rustling?
-Mm-hm.

Could be my heart.

My cardiologist says I'm high-risk.

There it is again.

What?
-You're rustling again.

Cochava,

I think the fumes from
the acetone are getting to you.

You're hearing things.

Take out whatever's in your jacket.

Who wears a jacket like that
in July?

Never mind July,

who wears a jacket like that?

There's nothing in my jacket.
-Oh, no?

No. -Okay, that's enough.
-Oh, okay.

What do you want?
-What I want is...

What do you want?
-To check your jacket.

Hands off.
-You can't tell me...

Hands off.

You think I want to touch you?
Not with a ten-foot pole.

Hands off.
-No. -You think I like this?

Rape! -Do you?
-Rape!

She's opening my jacket!

Get your hands off me.
-I won't get my...

Hands off.
-No.

She's opening my jacket! Rape!
-Hey, what's this?

What's going on?
-I'm not... -What's going on?

Hello, Officer, I caught a thief.

No you didn't, and I'm not a thief.
-Oh, yeah? Here.

Thank God.
So what's this?

No, that's...

Look, Officer, I can explain.

I brought one like that
from home this morning,

my own private property,

but the thieves here

forced me to pay for it.

Especially this witch.

So I came to get another one.

I paid for it this morning, right?

Right.
-Okay then. You hearthat?

As long as you told someone
when you came in.

There you go. Right?

Is it one of the Ten Commandments?

Don't kill, don't commit adultery,

don't bring things into the store
without saying so first?

Come with me.
-Where are you talking me?

Come with me.

Where to? Jail? I'll die there.

Come with me.
-I'm weak and small.

I'm taking you to the manager.
-Oh, the manager? All right.

Who'd want to touch you?

The things I go through here...

What's the matter, honey?

Trouble again?
-It's all right, Chibotero.

There was a thief here
but when he heard you coming

he ran away.

So long.
-So long.

Go back to your hammock.

I wouldn't mind
a fling with Cochava,

she needs a man
to take care of her.

And I need a woman

with a strong tongue.

Could be a great match.

Move it.

What's going on?

Today we built the Third Temple
in Shira's office.

"Blessed be He who brought us
to this day."

Say amen, Sheinkin.
-Amen.

We're repurposing your office.

Repurposing. Move.

It's all right.

Nissim, what do you mean,
repurposing? -So we can use it.

Can't you use it like this?

No, you can't.

A photo, wearing a tank top?
Not kosher.

Heaven help

What's wrong with the photo?
It's me and my cat.

Shira, if we want to turn it
into a synagogue

we have to repurpose it.
It's immodest.

Look what I found,

Saba Sali.

Give him a kiss..

and have a baby. Huh?

Nice, huh, Shira?
Hang it over your desk.

On the wall.
It'll be gorgeous.

We'll get to her eventually.

Slowly, gradually,

a needle under her fingernail.

Needle?

Why do you always overdo it?

Let me talk for a change.
Just once.

Okay, sorry. Go on.
-Thank you. -Churchill.

Anyway, we'll get to her.

See, I didn't say anything.

But you just did!
-Chill, superstar.

There is no Lord like God

And none as blessed as Moses

There is nothing greater
than the Torah

And no sages like the Jews

From God's mouth,
from God's mouth

All Israel will be blessed

From God's mouth,
from God's mouth

All Israel will be blessed...

What's everyone doing here?

They're the guys
from the synagogue at the garage,

we're bringing in the Torah scroll.
-Oh...

That's nice. It's just...

It's already 2:00.
When will you be done?

Five minutes.
-Okay, so I'll come back

in five minutes?
-No, no,

we have services after that.

Come back between afternoon
and evening services.

Okay.
-If it's too much trouble

we can send everyone
back to the garage

and we'll pray there, too.
-No, no, no,

don't be silly,

it's fine. -All right.
-Okay.

Just give me a hint about
when I should come back.

Between sunset and sunrise.

Okay? Can I go back now?

Way to go.

From God's mouth,
from God's mouth

All Israel will be blessed

From God's mouth,
from God's mouth

All Israel will be blessed...

Patience, my friend.

Patience is everything.

He learned.

Why don't you knock?

What are you doing
naked in my office?

It's not your office,
it's a synagogue.

What are you doing naked
in a synagogue?

I'm not naked any more.
-Are you dressed? -Yes.

What's your problem?
I don't understand!

I... -It's Thursday,

ritual bath day.
Aren't you Jewish?

What's going on?

I'm immersing, she comes in
without knocking,

the nerve!

Did she see your two tablets?

This isn't working.

We're packing up and moving
back to the garage. -Help me.

Let's take the ritual bath.
-No, no, no...

it's all right,

you can immerse,
whatever you want,

'll work in...
-What are you looking at?

The nerve!
-I wasn't looking...

It was an accident.

This is going too far.
Nothing gets to her.

What could be worse than
seeing Anatoly naked?

Not even political prisoners
could handle that.

Oh, there you are.

I was looking for you.
Your office is locked.

I'm separating challah today,
I wanted to make myself up.

Sorry, Cochava, it's Thursday,

Anatoly is immersing.

Immersing what?
-Himself.

The men needed a place
to pray,

so instead of going to the garage
for an hour and a half

I gave them my office.

What?

You think they go to synagogue?

That's what they said.

They go to Ghani's snack bar.

They pray there?
-They fill out lottery forms.

Anatoly celebrates Christmas.

A new moon in Israel

Proud and blessed...

Come along, honey.
-Happy New Moon, boss.

Over here.
-Happy New Moon.

We're celebrating the New Moon,

if you don't mind.
-Yeah.

I don't mind you celebrating,
but what...

what's with the goat?

We're slaughtering her
in honor of the New Moon.

If that's a problem
we'll go to the garage.

We don't want to offend you.

No, no. No need.

I respect that.

What?
-I respect your customs.

Do what you have to do.
Don't let me bother you.

I don't think she gets it.

Uh... Shira?
-Yes?

We're going to slaughter...

the goat.

Yes, I get it. I'm working, okay?

But there'll be blood all over the wall
and you'll cry, she's a goat.

Cry? Don't be silly.

It's a good omen, isn't it?

For a good month.

All right...

What do you want me to do?

It's Ramzi's
-She caught me out.

Then let's... let's slaughter a goat.

Let's slaughter a goat.

What's the matter?
-Huh?

Am I interrupting?
-No.

Okay.

"Blessed art Thou,

"O Lord, King of the universe,

"who sanctified us
with His commandments

"and commanded us to slaughter."
-Amen.

I can't do it.

What's the matter?
-What?

Aw, Anatoly...

He's so sensitive.

No problem, I'll do

What?
-I'll slaughter the goat.

Anatoly.
-He's attached to the knife.

It's an omen for a good month, for us,
for the supermarket. Allow me.

It's much easier than you think.
You grab her by the neck...

No, no, no...
-No! -What are you doing?

What are you doing?
-No! -What?

You don't really have to
slaughter a goat. -Oh, no?

No.
-Of course not!

What do you think I am?

An innocent lamb?

That you can spend all day
filling out lottery cards

at the company's expense,
and that you can break me?

Is that what you thought?

Now listen here,

nobody goes out for a cigarette break
without telling me!

And I'm telling you officially,
you have half an hour

to put my office back together!

No more Miss Nice Guy!

Girl.

I'm going to pray
before sundown rises.

Start without me.

"Sundown rises," my ass.
Hey! Hello!

I brought this from home.
See?

Good.

Everybody see this?

Everybody see this?

I brought these Wafer-Snax
from home!

Everybody hear that?

I brought these Wafer-Snax
from home!

You have to know
when to give up.

Thieves!

Even in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising

Mordechai Anielewicz
gave up in the end.

I thought he fought to the death.

See? Maybe if he'd given up

he wouldn't have died.

What? What?
-C'mere,

leave that with me,
'll watch it.

You'll watoh it? Okay.

Just a sec.

Not for you!

Ramzi. Ramzi.

Yes, Chilbotero?
-Ramzi,

can you switch me for
a few minutes?

What?
-I need to...

Sure.

Thanks.
-Sure. Take your time.

Paid.

Aah! Kidding.

Don't be afraid, just kidding.

it's like... you know,

Power Rangers.

What's this? Security guard rations?

Chibotero thinks of everything.

Look at these..

They're so thin.

Super-thin.

Here.

What?

That's all. Don't you believe me?

Okay.

All right?

Should I take my pants off?

Kind of salty.

Thanks.
-No problem, buddy.

Where is it?

Where is what?
-Where is what?

You know, the bag.

What bag?

You're asking me...

The bag with the Wafer-Snax!

You said you'd watch them for me.

I said I'd watch a bag for you?

I can't believe this. -What?

Is something
wrong with you?

What? -Just a minute ago, when I came in...

Shh... don't shout

Don't you remember?
-What?

What? What? What? What?

What?
-Remember when I came in?

Don't shout.
-Come on.

No, no, no...
-Shut up!

Don't tell me to shut up.

Let's reenact the incident.

I came here, went into the store
with a bag,

and you said you'd
watch the bag for me.

I want my Wafer-Snax!

You can shout until
the cows come home.

This is worse than
the Syrians at the border!

Shut up!

You're telling me to shut up?

Look what you did!

Look what you made me do!

You made me lose control!