Cash Register (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 18 - Cousins - full transcript
Amnon discovers that Chezi and him are related, and tries to take advantage of it.
What happens with figs in boxes?
You have 2-3 nice figs on the outside,
you get tempted,
then you get home and discover
that they're rotten underneath.
Nice on the outside,
rotten on the bottom.
Like women.
Just whip out a camera.
You look familiar. -Sure.
Yesterday I stood where you're standing
and you stood where I'm standing.
I've been shopping here
every day for 15 years.
No, no, no, no, I saw you
somewhere else.
Ah, on TV.
was on the news.
There was a report on citizens
who contribute to society.
Wow, that's so nice.
I didn't know you contribute.
No! I contribute?
I yelled at them from the window
to be quiet. The nerve...
The set was right under my window.
I appear for two seconds, so focus.
At Yehiel's shiva.
Yehiel?
-Yes. Yehiel Avisur.
You came with containers
and took all the leftovers.
A man died,
why should a quiche go to waste?
Where is that written?
Yes, Yehiel. My mother's cousin.
He knew when to die, the con.
He owes me 15.80
for a six pack of bottled water.
You're Frieda Titinsky's son?
-Sonia Titinsky. Frieda is my aunt.
Oh wow... My mother is Hemda,
Yehiel's sister. Bless her memory.
Great. -"Great"?
We're cousins, querido.
Show me. Here, you see?
It's the family earlobe.
And the fingers, they're... kabanos.
We're blood, querido, we're family!
Querido, blood.
-Blood's enough, no need for sweat.
Wait, querido, where are you going?
Espera.
Here, take another one.
On me. Family discount.
What's "family discount"?
-You don't know what family discount is?
You see this card?
Every supermarket employee gets
a few hundred shekels a month
to shop for the household
and family.
So we're family?
Of course we're family!
-Family...
"Issachar Bounty"
Checkout
Kohava, Kohava,
open the register, please.
Closed. -So open it.
This is on me, family discount.
Really? Three security cameras on me,
a polygraph twice a month,
that's more than enough.
-Kohava, he's family, for real.
You and him are family?
-Yes.
Are you jealous? Can't you see?
The same earlobe. -Exactly.
The fingers... -Kabanos.
-The same. -Ring me up.
I don't know who to pity more.
-Cousin, enjoy, my sweet.
This family thing is nice.
I have to ask Mom if we have
a relative at "Appliance Center."
Hezi.
Cousin! -Hezi!
Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.
You won't believe what I found.
-What? -Look.
A picture of Grandma Berta, look.
The earlobe and kabanos fingers.
You want to see more?
I have some in my moped.
No, it's fine, I believe you.
Listen, Mom's making sofrito...
like Grandma Berta's.
Any way I can get a family discount
on onions?
What? -"What?"
You think you're gonna play
on the family discount from now on?
No?
Querido, you don't even have to ask.
Take whatever you want.
We're family...
-Like Grandma Berta said...
"Nada..."
"Nada que testa!"
I haven't had so much fun since I found
a parking pass at the amusement park.
I'd go every day.
Even if I had nothing to do there.
Free stuff excites me.
Oh, cousin! Can I get
a cousin discount on the pineapple?
Take another one for Mom.
-One for Mom...
The work of the righteous
is done by others.
Hezi.
An eight pack of yogurt?
Great.
Hezi, a toaster.
I never understood
the meaning of family.
Look at this bill. Really.
Onions..
NIS 0.80 per kilo.
Eight yogurts - 4.90. This is...
It moves me,
this whole family thing.
Hezi!
Cousin!
Hezi!
Excuse me!
Have you seen Hezi?
Kohava... -What?
Don't stick it here.
-We're just having fun.
Do you know where Hezi is?
-Didn't you hear?!
He fell in the storeroom,
he had to go to the hospital.
Yes! Oh no...
I need squash for the quiche.
Oh well.
You remember the family discount?
Remind me.
-Hezi and me, family discount.
The earlobe, kabanos fingers.
-Of course, of course.
No, I'm sorry.
If Hezi's not here
can't approve a family discount,
as much as I'd like to.
-When's he coming back?
With his health insurance,
if he doesn't find a kidney, who knows.
They're a small family,
not many donors. -It's a tragedy.
I knew it's too good to be true.
I'm the Moses of discounts.
God let me see the promised land
of discounts but didn't let me in.
Come to think of it,
you're his family. -Me? -Sure.
The earlobe, the kabanos. -Yes.
-What family?!
We're barely fourth cousins once removed
and he won't leave me alone.
Here, for your quiche.
5.80? 5.80?
The day before I paid 5.00!
The day before you had a relative.
-How 'bout you? No Sephardi roots?
No.
-Show me the earlobe. No...
Donate my kidney
for a measly discount on vegetables?
Yes, right, on meat too.
And cleaning supplies, yes,
and still it's the kidney!
I won't remain with one kidney
for some moron I hardly know!
It is a large discount, but...
a discount is my health too.
"Issachar Bounty"
Anatoly, I want to lock up.
-You go, I'll lock up.
Anatoly, this is the third day
you've stayed after everyone. -So?
Am I like Nissim? Always rushing home?
Or Kohava, with her lottery tickets?
The supermarket matters to me.
It's a career.
Yes, but you're usually out the door
at 8 p.m. sharp.
That's the old Anatoly.
Since the "clean, tidy up, love" session,
Anatoly is a new man.
Wow, Anatoly! -What?
That was a good session, wasn't it?
-Yes, it was... -Okay then...
Way to go, Anatoly,
keep up the good work.
Good night, Boss.
-You too.
Steve Jobs knew how to make people
work for him.
And that's what I'm doing with Anatoly.
Anatoly? -Huh?
You know you don't get overtime for this.
-I know, I know.
The miser, I knew it.
-What? Did you need me?
Good night.
-Good night.
Anatoly is my Wozniak.
For those who don't know,
Wozniak was Steve Jobs' first partner.
The comparison is a bit over the top...
-I wasn't comparing.
I just said that I'm very proud of Anatoly.
Your Wozniak.
-There, you said it.
Hey.
I forgot my Steve Jobs book in the office
and I can't fall asleep without it...
It's a book, by the way,
that not everyone understands.
It's just for people...
who are managers at the core.
By nature.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Shira, what are you doing here?!
Three days ago Masha threw me out.
And for some nonsense..
What did you do?
-Nothing. She just...
she can be so petty sometimes!
Still, what did you do?
Looked at her sister in the shower.
But I swear, it wasn't on purpose.
Really...
Okay, maybe a little on purpose,
but I didn't see anything.
Okay. -Nothing. -Alright.
-Besides the triangle.
I don't know what triangle
you're talking about. -No...
This area... -Okay.
Where the short ribs are...
-Anatoly, I don't want to know...
I don't need the details.
-So I saw a little, so what? -Fine.
Now you see me sleeping
in the supermarket like some Ukrainian.
Don't, Anatoly.
This is the only place I have left
and I'll be kicked out of here too.
Kicked out? No!
You can stay here
for as long as you need.
As long as I need?
-As long as you need.
But don't tell anyone.
In Moldova when the wife kicks
the husband out it's a disgrace.
After being gay or Jewish.
Good morning, Anatoly.
-Good morning.
How did you sleep?
Like a baby.
Two hours sleep, two hours crying.
Good morning!
-Good morning.
Good morning, Nissim.
What's this Anatoly?
Didn't you brush your teeth at home?
I asked him to.
Once at home is not enough.
First thing I do when I get here
is brush my teeth.
It's not odd.
The tongue too...
Fresh for a new shift.
Have a pleasant day. Thanks.
"Issachar Bounty,
low prices, precious customers..."
Anatoly made the supermarket
into his home.
I must say that even for
a sharp witted manager like me,
this is a tough challenge.
But what is a hardship?
Did you know that in Chinese
"hardship" and "opportunity"
are the same word?
Seriously?
Ew, ew, ew!
Ew...
But then, in Chinese,
"hardship" and "teriyaki sauce"
are the same word, so...
It all sounds the same over there.
Do you have a nickname
I can call you by?
Because I feel close to you.
-My friends call me Talian.
Talyan?
-Talian.
I don't... -You're laughing at me,
call me Anatoly. -Sorry.
Anatoly, I don't think this will work.
I understand. -You do?
-Anatoly is used to not being wanted.
Since I was little,
my mother didn't want me either.
She left me in the garbage room,
to the cats.
Then a nice neighbor took me.
But the neighbor didn't want me either,
she put me back in with the cats.
But the cats didn't want me, they left,
and I was alone in the garbage room.
Moldova, minus 20.
But no problem, it's okay.
Wozniak... Anatoly, wait.
Wait.
just couldn't do it to him.
I couldn't.
Such a sad life story...
A Moldovan folk tale.
Mother would read it to me
before bedtime.
054...
Hello, Masha?
-Da.
Masha, Anatoly's wife?
I hear you had some...
disagreements.
I don't want to see his face!
-Yes, he...
I realize you're furious...
He mentioned the shower...
-... camera?!
No, he didn't mention a camera.
Okay, in any case,
I'd like to talk to you very much.
Do you think you could come
to the supermarket?
Thank you. Spasiba.
Personal management
is good management.
Masha, Anatoly's wife,
came to see me.
It seems there was more
than one camera in the shower...
Never mind. Okay, we...
talked and talked and talked.
Did you mediate between them?
-No.
What do you think?
You believed me.
So did you.
Have you forgotten
who you're talking to?!
Of course I mediated between them
and Anatoly promised
to delete the videos
and she said she'd take him back.
Shira Steinbuch has done it again.
I love a good laugh.
Anatoly...
Finish up, I want to lock up.
-You go, I'll lock up.
I thought that you and Masha made up.
-Yes, we made up, sure.
She doesn't even want me
to delete her sister's video.
Great, so you're not going home?
-Ah, no...
It's just for now, yes?
Until Masha's sister goes back
to Moldova.
It's not a problem, right?
Shira, we made up.
It's all thanks to you.
What would Steve Jobs do
in this situation? -Give me a break,
Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs...
Not everything is... Steve Jobs.
"Issachar Bounty"
Shira!
-What? Oy!
Amnon, wait just a second, okay?
People!
"Issachar Bounty" team,
gather round. Kohava.
What a quick recovery!
It was the hardest decision
I ever had to make.
But for another 20% discount
II donate a cornea, a pancreas and one lung
I'll just walk around with a head.
A head and discounts.
Wow... Okay, I want to say
a few words. Is everyone here?
So, Amnon Titinsky...
I... on behalf of myself
and the entire "Issachar Bounty" team,
we want to Express our appreciation
and tell you...
that we're proud we have a customer
who is as noble as you.
That's it.
I did what any outstanding citizen
would do. -This is a modest gift.
Thank you.
-For bringing our Hezi back to us.
We all pitched in. -Thank you.
Where is Hezi? I need his help
picking out soft fruit.
Did I hear someone calling my name?
-Hezi!
My dear, dear man...
Oh so sweet.
How's the kidney?
Are you taking care of it?
Taking care?
I won't let it out of my sight.
Where's your uniform?
Aren't you back to work?
Didn't you tell him?
-No. -Not yet. -Tell me what?
After the month I went through,
I reached the conclusion, I'm 64,
I see cucumbers
more than I do my grandkids.
So I decided to hang up the uniform,
dig into my savings
and take Tzipke and the grandkids
for a trip around the world.
What? -After your Sacrifice
I realized that what matters most
is family. Just family.
No, Hezi, don't be rash.
You don't really want to leave
the supermarket. -Yes, I do.
No, the medications have blurred your mind.
You don't want to. -But I really do!
What would Grandma Berta say?
-What would she say?
Only good things. Wait.
Shira, here's my employee tag.
Hezi's employee tag.
-That's it.
I'm done.
You tricked me out of a kidney.
-What?
You tricked me out of a kidney.
Aren't you ashamed?!
Querido... -Don't "querido" me!
-How can you say such a thing?!
How can you say such a thing?!
You're taking my kidney
for a trip around the world
and leaving me
withe these rip-off prices?!
Calm down, querido.
-Don't tell me to calm down.
I’m telling you, calm down.
-Don't tell me calm down!
My kidney is not leaving this country...
-It happens... -You hear me?
Give me back my kidney!
-Don't yell at him!
You took my kidney!
-lt happens in the best of families!
Give me back my kidney!
You scum! -Go outside!
Give me back my kidney!
Give me back my kidney!
Give me back my kidney!
You have 2-3 nice figs on the outside,
you get tempted,
then you get home and discover
that they're rotten underneath.
Nice on the outside,
rotten on the bottom.
Like women.
Just whip out a camera.
You look familiar. -Sure.
Yesterday I stood where you're standing
and you stood where I'm standing.
I've been shopping here
every day for 15 years.
No, no, no, no, I saw you
somewhere else.
Ah, on TV.
was on the news.
There was a report on citizens
who contribute to society.
Wow, that's so nice.
I didn't know you contribute.
No! I contribute?
I yelled at them from the window
to be quiet. The nerve...
The set was right under my window.
I appear for two seconds, so focus.
At Yehiel's shiva.
Yehiel?
-Yes. Yehiel Avisur.
You came with containers
and took all the leftovers.
A man died,
why should a quiche go to waste?
Where is that written?
Yes, Yehiel. My mother's cousin.
He knew when to die, the con.
He owes me 15.80
for a six pack of bottled water.
You're Frieda Titinsky's son?
-Sonia Titinsky. Frieda is my aunt.
Oh wow... My mother is Hemda,
Yehiel's sister. Bless her memory.
Great. -"Great"?
We're cousins, querido.
Show me. Here, you see?
It's the family earlobe.
And the fingers, they're... kabanos.
We're blood, querido, we're family!
Querido, blood.
-Blood's enough, no need for sweat.
Wait, querido, where are you going?
Espera.
Here, take another one.
On me. Family discount.
What's "family discount"?
-You don't know what family discount is?
You see this card?
Every supermarket employee gets
a few hundred shekels a month
to shop for the household
and family.
So we're family?
Of course we're family!
-Family...
"Issachar Bounty"
Checkout
Kohava, Kohava,
open the register, please.
Closed. -So open it.
This is on me, family discount.
Really? Three security cameras on me,
a polygraph twice a month,
that's more than enough.
-Kohava, he's family, for real.
You and him are family?
-Yes.
Are you jealous? Can't you see?
The same earlobe. -Exactly.
The fingers... -Kabanos.
-The same. -Ring me up.
I don't know who to pity more.
-Cousin, enjoy, my sweet.
This family thing is nice.
I have to ask Mom if we have
a relative at "Appliance Center."
Hezi.
Cousin! -Hezi!
Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.
You won't believe what I found.
-What? -Look.
A picture of Grandma Berta, look.
The earlobe and kabanos fingers.
You want to see more?
I have some in my moped.
No, it's fine, I believe you.
Listen, Mom's making sofrito...
like Grandma Berta's.
Any way I can get a family discount
on onions?
What? -"What?"
You think you're gonna play
on the family discount from now on?
No?
Querido, you don't even have to ask.
Take whatever you want.
We're family...
-Like Grandma Berta said...
"Nada..."
"Nada que testa!"
I haven't had so much fun since I found
a parking pass at the amusement park.
I'd go every day.
Even if I had nothing to do there.
Free stuff excites me.
Oh, cousin! Can I get
a cousin discount on the pineapple?
Take another one for Mom.
-One for Mom...
The work of the righteous
is done by others.
Hezi.
An eight pack of yogurt?
Great.
Hezi, a toaster.
I never understood
the meaning of family.
Look at this bill. Really.
Onions..
NIS 0.80 per kilo.
Eight yogurts - 4.90. This is...
It moves me,
this whole family thing.
Hezi!
Cousin!
Hezi!
Excuse me!
Have you seen Hezi?
Kohava... -What?
Don't stick it here.
-We're just having fun.
Do you know where Hezi is?
-Didn't you hear?!
He fell in the storeroom,
he had to go to the hospital.
Yes! Oh no...
I need squash for the quiche.
Oh well.
You remember the family discount?
Remind me.
-Hezi and me, family discount.
The earlobe, kabanos fingers.
-Of course, of course.
No, I'm sorry.
If Hezi's not here
can't approve a family discount,
as much as I'd like to.
-When's he coming back?
With his health insurance,
if he doesn't find a kidney, who knows.
They're a small family,
not many donors. -It's a tragedy.
I knew it's too good to be true.
I'm the Moses of discounts.
God let me see the promised land
of discounts but didn't let me in.
Come to think of it,
you're his family. -Me? -Sure.
The earlobe, the kabanos. -Yes.
-What family?!
We're barely fourth cousins once removed
and he won't leave me alone.
Here, for your quiche.
5.80? 5.80?
The day before I paid 5.00!
The day before you had a relative.
-How 'bout you? No Sephardi roots?
No.
-Show me the earlobe. No...
Donate my kidney
for a measly discount on vegetables?
Yes, right, on meat too.
And cleaning supplies, yes,
and still it's the kidney!
I won't remain with one kidney
for some moron I hardly know!
It is a large discount, but...
a discount is my health too.
"Issachar Bounty"
Anatoly, I want to lock up.
-You go, I'll lock up.
Anatoly, this is the third day
you've stayed after everyone. -So?
Am I like Nissim? Always rushing home?
Or Kohava, with her lottery tickets?
The supermarket matters to me.
It's a career.
Yes, but you're usually out the door
at 8 p.m. sharp.
That's the old Anatoly.
Since the "clean, tidy up, love" session,
Anatoly is a new man.
Wow, Anatoly! -What?
That was a good session, wasn't it?
-Yes, it was... -Okay then...
Way to go, Anatoly,
keep up the good work.
Good night, Boss.
-You too.
Steve Jobs knew how to make people
work for him.
And that's what I'm doing with Anatoly.
Anatoly? -Huh?
You know you don't get overtime for this.
-I know, I know.
The miser, I knew it.
-What? Did you need me?
Good night.
-Good night.
Anatoly is my Wozniak.
For those who don't know,
Wozniak was Steve Jobs' first partner.
The comparison is a bit over the top...
-I wasn't comparing.
I just said that I'm very proud of Anatoly.
Your Wozniak.
-There, you said it.
Hey.
I forgot my Steve Jobs book in the office
and I can't fall asleep without it...
It's a book, by the way,
that not everyone understands.
It's just for people...
who are managers at the core.
By nature.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Shira, what are you doing here?!
Three days ago Masha threw me out.
And for some nonsense..
What did you do?
-Nothing. She just...
she can be so petty sometimes!
Still, what did you do?
Looked at her sister in the shower.
But I swear, it wasn't on purpose.
Really...
Okay, maybe a little on purpose,
but I didn't see anything.
Okay. -Nothing. -Alright.
-Besides the triangle.
I don't know what triangle
you're talking about. -No...
This area... -Okay.
Where the short ribs are...
-Anatoly, I don't want to know...
I don't need the details.
-So I saw a little, so what? -Fine.
Now you see me sleeping
in the supermarket like some Ukrainian.
Don't, Anatoly.
This is the only place I have left
and I'll be kicked out of here too.
Kicked out? No!
You can stay here
for as long as you need.
As long as I need?
-As long as you need.
But don't tell anyone.
In Moldova when the wife kicks
the husband out it's a disgrace.
After being gay or Jewish.
Good morning, Anatoly.
-Good morning.
How did you sleep?
Like a baby.
Two hours sleep, two hours crying.
Good morning!
-Good morning.
Good morning, Nissim.
What's this Anatoly?
Didn't you brush your teeth at home?
I asked him to.
Once at home is not enough.
First thing I do when I get here
is brush my teeth.
It's not odd.
The tongue too...
Fresh for a new shift.
Have a pleasant day. Thanks.
"Issachar Bounty,
low prices, precious customers..."
Anatoly made the supermarket
into his home.
I must say that even for
a sharp witted manager like me,
this is a tough challenge.
But what is a hardship?
Did you know that in Chinese
"hardship" and "opportunity"
are the same word?
Seriously?
Ew, ew, ew!
Ew...
But then, in Chinese,
"hardship" and "teriyaki sauce"
are the same word, so...
It all sounds the same over there.
Do you have a nickname
I can call you by?
Because I feel close to you.
-My friends call me Talian.
Talyan?
-Talian.
I don't... -You're laughing at me,
call me Anatoly. -Sorry.
Anatoly, I don't think this will work.
I understand. -You do?
-Anatoly is used to not being wanted.
Since I was little,
my mother didn't want me either.
She left me in the garbage room,
to the cats.
Then a nice neighbor took me.
But the neighbor didn't want me either,
she put me back in with the cats.
But the cats didn't want me, they left,
and I was alone in the garbage room.
Moldova, minus 20.
But no problem, it's okay.
Wozniak... Anatoly, wait.
Wait.
just couldn't do it to him.
I couldn't.
Such a sad life story...
A Moldovan folk tale.
Mother would read it to me
before bedtime.
054...
Hello, Masha?
-Da.
Masha, Anatoly's wife?
I hear you had some...
disagreements.
I don't want to see his face!
-Yes, he...
I realize you're furious...
He mentioned the shower...
-... camera?!
No, he didn't mention a camera.
Okay, in any case,
I'd like to talk to you very much.
Do you think you could come
to the supermarket?
Thank you. Spasiba.
Personal management
is good management.
Masha, Anatoly's wife,
came to see me.
It seems there was more
than one camera in the shower...
Never mind. Okay, we...
talked and talked and talked.
Did you mediate between them?
-No.
What do you think?
You believed me.
So did you.
Have you forgotten
who you're talking to?!
Of course I mediated between them
and Anatoly promised
to delete the videos
and she said she'd take him back.
Shira Steinbuch has done it again.
I love a good laugh.
Anatoly...
Finish up, I want to lock up.
-You go, I'll lock up.
I thought that you and Masha made up.
-Yes, we made up, sure.
She doesn't even want me
to delete her sister's video.
Great, so you're not going home?
-Ah, no...
It's just for now, yes?
Until Masha's sister goes back
to Moldova.
It's not a problem, right?
Shira, we made up.
It's all thanks to you.
What would Steve Jobs do
in this situation? -Give me a break,
Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs...
Not everything is... Steve Jobs.
"Issachar Bounty"
Shira!
-What? Oy!
Amnon, wait just a second, okay?
People!
"Issachar Bounty" team,
gather round. Kohava.
What a quick recovery!
It was the hardest decision
I ever had to make.
But for another 20% discount
II donate a cornea, a pancreas and one lung
I'll just walk around with a head.
A head and discounts.
Wow... Okay, I want to say
a few words. Is everyone here?
So, Amnon Titinsky...
I... on behalf of myself
and the entire "Issachar Bounty" team,
we want to Express our appreciation
and tell you...
that we're proud we have a customer
who is as noble as you.
That's it.
I did what any outstanding citizen
would do. -This is a modest gift.
Thank you.
-For bringing our Hezi back to us.
We all pitched in. -Thank you.
Where is Hezi? I need his help
picking out soft fruit.
Did I hear someone calling my name?
-Hezi!
My dear, dear man...
Oh so sweet.
How's the kidney?
Are you taking care of it?
Taking care?
I won't let it out of my sight.
Where's your uniform?
Aren't you back to work?
Didn't you tell him?
-No. -Not yet. -Tell me what?
After the month I went through,
I reached the conclusion, I'm 64,
I see cucumbers
more than I do my grandkids.
So I decided to hang up the uniform,
dig into my savings
and take Tzipke and the grandkids
for a trip around the world.
What? -After your Sacrifice
I realized that what matters most
is family. Just family.
No, Hezi, don't be rash.
You don't really want to leave
the supermarket. -Yes, I do.
No, the medications have blurred your mind.
You don't want to. -But I really do!
What would Grandma Berta say?
-What would she say?
Only good things. Wait.
Shira, here's my employee tag.
Hezi's employee tag.
-That's it.
I'm done.
You tricked me out of a kidney.
-What?
You tricked me out of a kidney.
Aren't you ashamed?!
Querido... -Don't "querido" me!
-How can you say such a thing?!
How can you say such a thing?!
You're taking my kidney
for a trip around the world
and leaving me
withe these rip-off prices?!
Calm down, querido.
-Don't tell me to calm down.
I’m telling you, calm down.
-Don't tell me calm down!
My kidney is not leaving this country...
-It happens... -You hear me?
Give me back my kidney!
-Don't yell at him!
You took my kidney!
-lt happens in the best of families!
Give me back my kidney!
You scum! -Go outside!
Give me back my kidney!
Give me back my kidney!
Give me back my kidney!