Canterbury Tales (2003): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Knight's Tale - full transcript

(Indistinct voices on radio)

(Distant shouting)

(Door slams)

(Keys rattle)

Can I have your letter of introduction
and your ID, please? Your passport will do.

Thank you very much.

(Phone rings)

Right, Miss.
Go through the door, take a seat

and I'll get somebody
to collect you from Education.

(Door slams and keys jangle)

Don't expect a kiss
just cos you walked me over.



- Ace!
- You lucky bastard, you've got me!

(Laughing)

I can't believe it, man!
I didn't even think I'd be on your floor!

Spur...spur.

Right. New boy.

I'll have to pick it up.

- What have you done?
- Nothing. That skin thing I get sometimes.

- I've never seen it as bad as that.
- I just made it worse.

It's in my scalp now and all, man.

Whoa, Paul, stop it, man. Whoa, stop it.
What you doing?

Hey.

How can I do 12 months, man?

I never done bird before. You know that.

You'll do it
because I'm doing it with you, all right?



You only got
a couple more months, blood.

Look, by the time I get out of here,
you'll be like Morgan Freeman.

- You know what I'm saying?
- (Clink)

They're always watching you.
Got to get used to it.

You know not to have dealings
with any screws, don't you?

What d'you think I am? Jeffrey Archer?

- Don't give it large, son.
- Oi!

- Busy, eh? We're getting messy now.
- Oi, fellas, this is Paul.

He's a mate of mine. He's good stuff.

Yeah? All right.

Remember what we were doing
on the ETS course? Spatial awareness.

He was behind me and now he's not.

Needs a bit of problem solving,
know what I mean?

All right, it's cool.

Go on through.

Lucky.

You need to see the medical staff
about the skin condition.

- How do I do that?
- I'II son it.

I remember watching your mum putting
steroid cream on you when you was little.

She was so patient, man.

Took her time to do it proper,
you know?

- You was lucky.
- Some luck.

- To have her, I mean.
- Now I got you.

So...

why do you want to do this job?

Well, apart from seeing the advert erm...

to be honest, I'd never thought of it.

My brother has learning difficulties
and goes to a residential school.

He gets lots of help, but I can't see
that it's making any difference, you know?

It just seemed to me that the only
learning difficulties these men have

is the lack of help.

So you want to make a difference?

Well...what's so funny about peace,
love and understanding?

I'm sorry?

I thought you were teasing me.

No, I want you to go in there
thinking you can help change their lives.

Well, I'd do my best.

It's a joke, innit? You get 12 months
for reprogramming mobiles

and it's so overcrowded I get out early.

I wasn't even robbing the phones.
I was just fixing them up.

A word of advice, mate.

Don't say you was hard done by. OK?

Like saying you're innocent,
it's a bit of a conversation stopper.

Just do your offending behaviour
programme.

Blinkers, this is Paul, right?

Hey, easy.

Has he told you where I sit?

Er, I'II point it out.

- (Ace laughing)
- What? What's that?

He's a bit funny
about his spot in the TV room.

He jugged the last guy that sat in it.

- Boiling water.
- I ain't saying I did nothing wrong.

- Just didn't expect 12 months.
- I've never done a custodial before.

That's why you have to get
your head together, Paul.

Plan how you spend your time in here,
or you'll end up in bits.

- Workshops?
- No, bollocks to that if you can.

- It's slave labour.
- I ain't doing no education classes.

I hated school. I ain't doing it again.

- There's a paper. We pass it on in a bit.
- Cheers.

There's something
about a new signing for Man U.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What's the club he's coming from?

No, I can't pronounce the name.

What, Middlesbrough?

(Sighs)

Yeah. Middlesbrough.

I know, man. I know. I was the same as you
when I came in here.

Your mum used to have to fill out
application forms for me. Remember?

She even had to read
my summons to appear out to me.

Look, when I say you've got a lot to learn,
I mean it's an opportunity.

For me, it's to be able to stay off the gear.

For you, it's never to come back
in here again.

It's a good thing, man.

I wouldn't lie to you.

I know that.

We'll do it together, you know.

- Yeah?
- Definitely.

Believe.

I want to come out of here
feeling like I've grown, you know?

Er...a-as a person.

I want prison to be a...

complete learning experience.

Completely.

Literally?

Definitely. I want to...erm...

you know, fulfil my potential.

- You know what I'm saying?
- Mmm.

Bollocks.

What?

Somebody got you to say this
because of the waiting list?

No, no.

If you're here just to get off bang-up,
you're wasting your time and mine.

I'll take you back to the wing.

They've got labour for the workshops.

- So you'll have a lot of spare time.
- I can't stay in that cell all day.

That is not a good enough reason.

Lately I've been living in a life like limbo

(Raps) Looking out of
a smudged-up window

We're not sure where our lives are going

Friends, it's summer outside
but yet we're snowed in

- What was that?
- Arrested Development.

J‘ Give a man a fish
and he'll eat for a day

J‘ Teach him how to fish,
he'll eat for ever J‘

Why are you quoting them at me?

Because I wish I'd written them.

- What's this?
- Need to make an assessment.

- Assessment of what?
- Where you are. Your ability level.

No way.

- I have to.
- I'll take my chances in the cell.

- What's the matter with you, Paul?
- I ain't got no ability level.

Then I'll take you back to the wing.

(Laughter)

No, no, no.

Let's do that test.

One word, darling,
and you're gonna need plastic surgery.

Just let me go.

Nah. Be nice
and start taking your clothes off.

- Gareth, just...
- Do it!

Do you realise how close you came
to my skin with that thing?

I'm sorry. I'm just giving you
a bit of induction training.

Well, it's silly. It's stupid, actually.

They're just like you and me.
That's why you need an alarm bell.

I don't need one.

I'm just worried
about what you're letting yourself in for.

Do you know what any of them are in for?

- No.
- Well, don't you think you should?

I've been through the staff guidelines,
done work shadowing.

You haven't actually seen
any of the prisoners you'll be teaching?

No, but I'm more nervous
about what they'll think of my teaching

than what they might do to me.

OK.

Big twit.

Reading isn't just about getting through
a book you can't be bothered with.

It's...erm... It's about knowing
how your friends and family are...

What friends and family?

- What people wish for you...
- Is this one of yours?

- What food to order.
- Get us some sweet and sour.

That would be trafficking.

What the Benefits Agency
are doing about your claim

or whether that might be the job for you.

(Snorts) Now you are taking the piss!

- What's on the telly.
- That's my job.

- Ta.
- Different texts, yes,

but what is it that they've all got in them?

- I'm Level Two.
- (Jeering)

Maybe you could give us the answer.

Information.

- I will be working with you individually.
- I need a lot of attention.

(Laughter)

We also need to discuss the projects you'll
do as pan of your basic literacy courses.

Can I do Lady Chatterley's Lover?

- That's a book, not a subject.
- Can I do the subject of the book?

(Tittering)

Two of the subjects
are the soil and the earth,

- so maybe your project could be gardening.
- (Laughter)

- What?
- Right, that's agreed.

Can anybody tell me another kind of text?

Any ideas?

"Sex, drugs and on the dole
Some men rise, some men fall."

Song lyrics, are they?

- That ain't text, you Turk! That's singing!
- Lyrics get printed. You can read 'em.

- Songwriters get publishing royalties, innit?
- Yeah.

- And if lyrics get published...
- Yeah, it's text.

- So he ain't a Turk, is he, Miss?
- Absolutely.

Ace?

Do you mind if I, erm...?

Well, you know, knock one off?

(Ace laughing)

- I'd be worried if you didn't, mate.
- Cool.

So, how do you, erm...? You know.

What, cast off, you mean?

Hmm.

Well, you gotta use your imagination,
you know.

Beyonce Knowles, that son of thing.

Angelina Jolie.

Yeah, yeah. The lips on that one!

Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

No, man, that's too clean!

Buffy...!

No, no, no, some bluey that you saw.

Two's up in some French villa.

34 double E
over the antique dining table.

Yeah, yeah, I think I'll join you. (Laughing)

- I don't think I've seen that one.
- I have.

And now the maid's coming in
and she wants some.

I wonder if she's gone home
to anyone tonight.

That Emily.

Emily?

She ain't in this film, man.

No.

- Do you want her to be?
- No way!

(Mobile beeps)

Uh-uh! Thank you. Nosy parker.

Let's have a look, spoilsport.

No, no, no!

- Gareth!
- No.

Hey, what's the big deal?

Aargh!

I've erased it now, anyway.

We'll try and match
your personal keywords with mine.

Soon as you recognise a match,
shout "snap!"

You look tired.

- I didn't sleep.
- Didn't or couldn't?

OK, we'll read them out as we go.
You go first.

Home.

Head.

Mum.

Learn.

Wank.

- Sorry.
- I don't think I've got that one.

It's a personal keyword at the moment,
believe me.

Free.

Snap.

- Free.
- Good.

- I know why it's mine...
- OK.

- How come...?
- Well done.

Biff?

- Paul, watch it, mate.
- What?

If you get too personal,
she'll write an SIR on you.

OI' guy's keeping me straight, yeah?

- Yeah. Old guy's keeping you straight.
- (Bell rings)

If any of you remember to bring in
your assignments, I'd be grateful.

How are you doing?

Pissed off, actually,
that they're so bloody apathetic!

It's like there's nothing at stake.
It's just something they do.

- Unlike your prison students.
- It matters to them.

There's excitement.

It feels like...

a chemical reaction sometimes.
It's like, bang!

The temples, like the ones at Luxor
and Karnak, are absolutely huge, right?

These massive statues guarding
the gateways and courtyards...

Unbelievable, Mum! The Pharaohs
gave the temples booty from the war.

- That's why they was so rich...
- Paul?

- You asked how I was doing.
- Coping, I meant.

I never thought I'd feel good
about being in this place.

Well, Ace is that kind of person, you know.

Full of life, full of beans.
Him fizz like a firework, innit?

Miss, this project I'm doing about Egypt...

Miss?

- Sorry.
- Not used to being called Miss, huh?

No.

Well, I'm not used to saying it.

Well, just say Emily then.

Everything all right?

I'm not allowed to answer
personal questions. Remember?

You could have just said "fine",
but you didn't, so you have answered it.

That's all you're getting.

Well, I hope you got someone you can tell.

That's tough.

You could just break the rules and tell me.

I just need to catch up on my sleep,
you know.

- Egypt.
- Oh, no, no.

That can wait.

Paul?

Thank you.

I think that librarian must fancy me.

- Gardening books?
- What do you think?

He lives on the tenth floor.

I don't know a hydrangea from a Sloane
Ranger but it's got to be a piece of piss.

A bit of decking, a few pebbles flung about.
Bish-bosh, Iovely job.

Wants to get his hands
on Charlie Dimmock's water feature!

The project was
on the history of gardening...

About...l don't know...Capability Brown.

Look, he ain't got a clue, you know!

Would that be, er...

Lancelot Capability Brown,
the father of English landscape gardening,

who was appointed master gardener
at Hampton Court Palace in...1764?

And whose reputation after his death
declined until it was restored in about 1980?

Cool that.

Con man!

- You are...
- A man of surprises.

Nice ones.

I bought these for myself on the way in.

One for you.

- (Prisoner) Oh, you're sweet!
- For your project.

Thanks.

I'm
, e
r

Touched?

Yeah.

Touched.

Fifteen minutes to go.

You...get on with the exam.

(Pencil bounces on floor)

Shit, I can't read this.

- Reminds me of Arabic or something.
- Look...

(Laughing) Do you want me
to disqualify you?

Then get up.

- It's quite cosy under here, though, innit?
- You are a bloody pain.

I make you laugh, though, don't I?

Thank God somebody does.

I make you feel good.

Yeah.

- You ready to show me that letter yet?
- Nearly.

Short, simple sentences...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Capitals, full stops...
- Yeah.

Right couple of swots
we've turned into. (Laughing)

It's to her.

You were only supposed
to be writing a letter as an exercise.

I wanted to get my feelings down.

- You want to give her this?
- I'd love to.

But it don't do justice
to what's going on inside my brain...

what she does to my head.

There's a word missing.
A big one - F for foolishness.

Now copy it out
and scrawl it across in big letters!

You think it makes me sound like a pussy?

Look, look.

Just drop the whole idea of her, all right?

And don't tell me what's going on
in your head. I know how you feel.

You know how it feels?

You ain't never been in love, man!

- No, I haven't.
- So, what you saying?

I know how you feel about her.

Can't be.

Well, it is, all right?
So get this letter away from me.

I can't change what's in my head.

I'm the only person
you've got in here, Paul.

Not no more.

- You snake, man!
- And you ain't trying it on me?

Listen, she came here exactly
the same time as me.

We both walked
into that classroom brand new.

So we could have been sent here!
You know?

What, fate?

I can believe in anything now.

Too much draw over the years
is why it's in the stars.

Where you looking?
Up her skid and down her blouse?

- You're just looking at pussy.
- No...

- You think I don't know you?
- You don't know me now.

I know it can be real, you know?

Not your synchronicity bullshit.

It happens, you know?

Women prison visitors,
probation officers, solicitors.

Sometimes they see prisoners

and they really see them.

They can love them.

The only thing you'll get from her
is a worksheet.

Shut up. Shut up.

When she looks at me...

she knows the rules can't stop us.

She knows they're gonna get blown away.

She just knows...

Stop talking like this, or, I swear to God,
you're a dead man. I will kill you.

(Alarm sounds)

All right!

Look at him. Anybody'd think he'd got seg!

- What has he got?
- Haven't you heard? He's going home.

So, bruv, tried your tag on for size yet?

- Just swapping one prison for another.
- Mmm.

Banged up at home,
can't go out at night,

- security firm checking that I don't.
- But you'll have your day!

- She'll be here, then, won't she?
- What's that, bruv?

He'll be out there,
bumping into her...accidentally.

Know what I'm saying?
She'll be friendly because she is.

"How are you doing? Fancy a coffee?"
Maybe even a meal.

There's hardly any rules out there.

A curfew, maybe,

but she has a book he might like to read cos
she thinks he's only interested in learning.

He'll arrange to pick it up from her flat.
She's got to be single now.

And he'll be in her flat, man,

in her time.

Alone...

together.

And he'll be slick.

And she might fall for it.

She might just fall for it.

Oh, I bet he can't wait.

But I'm gonna make him wait.

- You taking the piss?
- No, but he will be. Come on.

- Why am I getting a drugs test?
- Reasonable suspicion.

You got an anonymous letter, then,
yeah?

- Negative, you mug! Negative!
- Whoa!

Do you know what he tried to do?
Look what you've turned into!

- I'm learning.
- How to act like a bitch!

- All's fair in love and war.
- You want war?

Whoa, whoa!

For Christ's sake, stop it,
or I'll report both of you. All right?

Ace! Ace, it's your last lesson.

Make it a good one, eh?
It's your swansong.

He doesn't get it. I wouldn't have cared
if I'd have got done

and lost my chance of going home

because I'm losing, anyway.

Do you understand?

Just...

just sit down, Ace.

Do you want to be withdrawn?
Apply to another prison?

Well, Ace is gone now. I think it'll be fine.

That still leaves Paul
and how he feels about you.

Well, I like teaching him,
and the way he responds.

I get a real buzz out of that,
but that's professional, isn't it?

- That's me engaging with my work.
- You know there's a difference?

- I haven't been doing this very long.
- You should still know the difference.

Aren't you supposed to be in another class?

I wanted to apologise for all that stuff before.

- Yeah, it was ugly.
- But now you know why.

It's still ugly.

I want to...

I want to be beautiful to you.

- I don't think this is a very good idea, Paul.
- Oh, I know it's not a very good idea.

But please don't tell me it's an ugly one.

Look...

being wanted...in a situation
where you're safe and there are rules,

and there are no expectations
and you can't be hurt...

well, that...

Feels good?

It's better than real life.

Erm...

- I'm in this relationship...
- In it?

What, like I'm in here?

You make me say things.

You just do.

You make me want to.

Anything else you'd like to share?

Not possible.

But you want to.

Not possible.

(Indistinct voice on radio)

So, the times of your curfew
are 7pm to 7am.

Understand that not being at this address
without good reason

during those curfew hours

is a breach of the curfew order
for which you may be recalled to prison.

- How's that feel?
- Like a dog collar.

(Intercom buzzes)

- Hello.
- You all right, mate?

- Yeah, yeah. I'II buzz you in.
- We want you to come out.

I can't.
Come up. I've got some beers in.

Whatever. See you later, mate.
Stay in and wash your hair. (Laughing)

(Phone ringing)

Hello.

I'm only 15 minutes late!

I went out to see somebody.
I don't even know where she lives.

I don't even know where she lives.

Back with us civilians today, then?

It must feel so humdrum in comparison.
No alarm bells to push.

I spend more time looking over my shoulder
here than I do in that prison.

Morning.

- Ace? I'II catch you at lunch.
- Yeah, yeah.

Look what you've done to me.

Me?

I've enrolled here. Business, retail,
sport and leisure. Entry level.

Wow! Watch out,
Richard Branson, eh?

I'd look good in a hot-air balloon!

Is this local to you, then, or...?

Not really.

It's just the best place to be.

My probation officer's well pleased.
Progress, eh?

- What's that for?
- To commemorate...

No, that's too solemn.

Celebrate...celebrate my enrolment here.

- And you being the reason for it.
- Well, I've got to go.

Well done, eh?

See you.

- Is that real life?
- He sent that to you?

Is that real life?

He's enrolled at the college I'm based at
to do a course, that's all.

- That's all?
- Yeah.

He's got his arm round me, yeah,
and I'm letting him, but that means nothing!

- All these guys hitting on you.
- No!

Just...using me.

I wrote a letter to you.

- It was about me.
- Oh, is that why I didn't get it?

I just want to talk to you.

I wanna show you my record collection.

I want you to show me
the last book you read.

I want to talk to you about...everything.

And if you tell me you don't want that...

then I'll let the others in.

(Alarm bell rings)

- What did you do that for?
- I don't know!

- Are you going to say I threatened you?
- Course I'm not.

- You've got to tell them something.
- I don't know.

OK, I'll just throw the chairs around,
so you don't look silly.

What am I gonna do with you?

You gotta pull over, man!

- (Bangs)
- There's fumes coming out the back here!

(Continues banging)

Pull over, man!

I'm getting dizzy, you know what I mean?

Pull over, man!

- Noreen!
- He's escaped. The police come round.

- They were transferring him.
- Why?

He got himself into this trouble.
I don't know why. I thought you might.

- I don't know.
- But you are his best friend!

You were in there with him!

I'm sorry.

You must know!

Ace!

(TV) 'Police are hunting a prisoner
who escaped from a security van...'

- Jalfrezi and pasanda in low-fat ghee.
- Shut up a minute?

(TV) 'Police identified the prisoner
as Paul Palmer.'

Shit!

D'you know this guy?

Yeah.

(TV) '..not considered
to be a threat to the public...’

One of the guys you taught?

Yeah.

I didn't know
escaping was on the curriculum!

That's meant to be the idea.
How to escape.

Yeah, but he's done a runner, hasn't he?
So he's back to square one now.

He was being transferred because of me.

What d'you mean?

He...he fell for me.

- So...
- You didn't tell me any of this.

No.

- And now you're going to do what, exactly?
- I don't know.

Something. Anything,
so he doesn't get in any more trouble.

You and your social conscience, eh?

Yeah.

This is about work, isn't it?

Look, just how involved are you?

- This isn't some repressed fantasy!
- No, it's obviously bloody real!

Stay, OK?

Don't...don't go anywhere.

Don't go to him.

- I have to.
- Making your escape, too?

Yeah!

- You came!
- It's about Paul.

Well, he hasn't been in touch with me.

Why don't I make you an omelette?

Or some pasta. I've got some pasta.

Er...here!

Carbonara. A little taste of Italy.

I've got some candles somewhere.
They are delicious! I swear...

Listen, have the police been in touch?

- They'll know how things got between you.
- I don't want to talk about that now.

Why don't you let me take your coat?
You're here now, aren't you?

You're here, so...

Carbonara and garlic bread.

Just stop it, eh?

You don't mind it from the freezer, do you?
I'll heat it up!

Just... Just stop it, eh?

I can't.

You see this thing I'm wearing?
And this is just round my ankle.

But with you, I am so caught.

I'm just hanging there.

What do you want me to do, Ace?

Forget about Paul.

- I mean, he has only got himself to blame.
- No.

No, I'm to blame.

So am I, but I don't care.

All I care about is...

obvious.

Look, this is a big enough mess as it is,
all right? And I can't stay. I'm really sorry.

The big build-up, then the letdown.
Just because Paul's on the run!

Hey, I'm sorry for shouting.

Why don't I open a bottle of wine?

Cos I haven't got any!

I've got some lager, though.

I'm going to the police station now
and then I'm going to go and lose my job.

I can't even follow you!

You've been seeing him.

I came here cos I thought it would be
the quickest way of finding you.

- Is that true?
- (Door clicks open)

- Are you looking for me?
- You stabbed me in the back.

- Now you've got real wounds coming.
- I've been waiting for you.

Stop it!

Just stop it! Stop it!

(Screams) Stop it!

If that's what you two
want to do to each other,

I don't want anything to do with either of you.

I've just left someone
who goes on and on about love

and has absolutely no respect for me at all.

- (Sirens blare)
- You'd better make a move, man!

- Go on, run.
- And leave you two together?

I'm saying it to help you.
I've already breached my curfew.

Running's not going to do any good.

- Just give yourself up.
- I ain't givin' up!

- I can't do it.
- Run, man!

What's it to you?

I don't want you to get caught.

Look, I mean it, man. I mean it.

I suppose some things never get unlearnt,

if you know what I mean.

- Have you got anywhere he can hide?
- Oh, Christ!

Erm...yeah.

You don't have to go with him!

Emily!

Back to prison tomorrow, yeah?

Hey! I've left some course work
in my office and I have to mark it tonight.

- Can I see your ID?
- Yeah.

- There we go.
- Cheers!

Paul?

I can't believe
I'm letting myself in for all this.

Do you want to?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

A little learning is a dangerous thing, yeah?

You're bang on there, mate.

I can't believe you chose him.

I haven't chosen anyone.

So what is it, then?

Are you doing this just to help him?

Just doing the Christian thing? Is that it?

(Ace) Is that all it is?

I was right, then, wasn't I?

The biggest thing you taught me
was that I ain't good enough for you.

But I couldn't even leave it there.

I come after the both of you,
major breach of my curfew.

I'm going back to jail. Back to square one.

So, school's out.

- Ace...
- School is out!

Not subtle, but I never was, eh?

Sorry, Miss! I'm reverting to type.

You're gonna ruin yourself, Ace.

I've lost my best friend
and the woman that I fell in love with

but they've got each other,
so I feel pretty ruined already, OK?

Look...

If you let us go, we can't exactly walk off
into the sunset together, can we?

You talk about stopping us having a future -
that won't happen anyway.

He's a prisoner that's absconded

and I'm a teacher that's not fit
for a bloody job in the country!

There's no winners.

No-one.

One love shoved the other
out the way, blood.

Could still be room for us two.

You know?

You're only saying that
cos you're covered in petrol.

No.

You could still choose me, man.

We should be better people now.

She made us better people.

And you know it.

So you're telling me to be a good loser?

Are you telling me to be a good sport
and call that an improvement?

I just don't want you
to end up with nothing.

That's what I'm saying.

You better...
You better go face the music, man.

Do your time.

I'm sure your time will come.

What about you?

I've got to get out of detention.

Good luck, Ace.

You know,
you should have tried my carbonara.

It would have turned your head completely.

Later, yeah?

Later.

(Screaming)

Ace!

No!

Ace!

You didn't do it, Paul.

Feels like it.

Oh, man, I just wanted
to get to him, you know?

He knew that.

It's a 60-hour course
split into three themes -

history, biography, resistance and change
in working-class lives.

They're getting me to do
this autobiography - how we ended up here.

I've got to be honest,
otherwise Ace died for nothing.

Anyway, I've got Orwell to read,
and Richard Hoggart, CLR James,

Franz Fallon...
and that Lynn Peters poem you sent me.

This autobiography thing
they're getting us to do -

you're in it.

Am I?

Don't know how much yet, though.

You mean you think this could be
the last you'll be seeing of me?

Is it?

No.

But when you come again...how often...

that will always be up to you, won't it?

- You mean I'll be in control?
- Yeah.

But the test of this relationship

will be what happens at the end
of your sentence, when you get out.

Might be scary.

Let's wait and see.

(Whispers) Listen!

That...that autobiography -

you tell them it's not finished yet, yeah?

Believe.