Call Me Kat (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Business Council - full transcript

[whispering]:
Oh, hey.

I'm whispering because I'm in

the local business council
meeting.

It's where local business owners
meet to discuss

and vote on issues
that affect our businesses

and the surrounding
neighborhood.

Sometimes we get a little
bogged down in the minutiae.

Before we get into the docket,

everybody owes me 75 cents
for the sweet tea.

Uh, uh, point of order.

Uh, what if we brought
a travel mug from home?



Do we get a discount?

Quiet. I have not
opened the floor.

Objection. Floors don't open.

Neither should your mouth.

The best thing
about these meetings

is it's made me and Carter
much closer friends.

Now we have
our own special thing.

Moving on,
citing declining sales,

Wayne Regan has closed
his novelty joke shop

and resigned
from the business council.

His store was called
Joke's On You.

But I guess the joke
was on Wayne.

That was pretty funny.

Marlene surprised me
with that one.



Yeah, I'm not laughing.
I love that place.

It's where I got these.

Do we have any nominations
to fill Wayne's spot?

I nominate Kat Silver.

-What? Me?
-Yeah. Come on.

It's time we got somebody cool
up there.

Oh. Well, then, I'll do it.
[chuckles]

-Maybe take those glasses off.
-Oh, right.

Anybody else?
Maybe someone who owns a salon

and can touch up these roots?

Mm-hmm! Looking at you, Ron.

No? No? Okay.

Well, then, it's, uh,
it's official.

Kat Silver is the newest member
of the business council.

And I know
you will treat the position

with the gravity
and respect it deserves.

You bet I will.

♪

[squeals, laughs]

-[chants]: Speech, speech.
-[chuckles]

I just want y'all to know,

that even though I'm on
the local business council,

there is no need
to be intimidated.

I'm the same approachable me
I've always been.

Okay, good, because you
have something in your teeth.

-Oh, which one?
-To the left-- no, down.

M-My left.

It jumped a tooth.

-Good evening, Councilwoman.
-Mm.

Good evening,
local business owner.

I'm happy to inform you
I have done

the research on your proposition
to extend your business hours.

Then you know we the only street
within a ten-block radius

that has an 11:00 p.m. curfew
for bars.

Exactly. I mean, what is this,
the Prohibition? Like,

"Extra! Extra!
No drinking, no dancing,

"no fun, get your paper--
five cents-- polio,

-tuberculosis."
-How do I make it stop?

Y-You can't. You just have
to let it wash over you.

I'm just saying you've got
my yea vote for item 1-A.

Hopefully that'll counteract
Mean Marlene's nay.

'Cause she already said nothing
good happens after 11:00.

Sounds like nothing good
happens to Marlene after 11:00.

-Oh-ho!
-[whoops]

Well, I got your back, Carter.
And your front.

And your top and your bottom.
Not that bottom.

Got your insides,
got your outsides.

[groans]

Hello, everybody.
I'm sorry I'm late.

I've been decluttering to make
room for Preston's things.

Ooh! My boyfriend's moving in.

I've never cohabitated
outside of marriage.

I feel naughty.

Oh, you shouldn't feel naughty,

just concerned
you're gonna go to hell.

No, Sheila, I'm teasing.

I did it for 30 years.

Oh, I am so proud of my girl.

I brought you Grandma's pearls.

Because you know what they say.

"Girls who wear pearls..."

"Contribute to the overfishing
of the oyster population

of the Atlantic Coast"?

-[laughs]
-Ugh. No.

Girls who wear pearls
rule the world.

Right, Randi?

Yeah, okay.

Oh, look what I found.
Your old tap shoes.

-[laughs]: Oh.
-Katharine was quite the tapper.

She could have gone all the way.

Well, not sure
what "all the way" is

in the tap world.

Unless you get
in the touring company

of Anything Goes,
there's literally nowhere to go.

Oh, Max,

is there any chance you

and your muscles would be free
to help me move some furniture

into the basement this weekend?

You might be able to find some
nice stuff for your apartment.

Uh, definitely.
Yeah, I could use a TV stand.

And a TV.

And a couple of bedside tables.

-Can you tell I hate to shop?
-[Sheila chuckles]

Oh, no.

What's wrong, sugar?

I meant you, Randi,
not the actual sugar.

But how are you, sugar?

Now back to you, Randi.

Daniel was supposed to be
my model

for a photography project
at school,

but now he has to leave town
for work.

Damn, I wish I wasn't dating
a man who has a job.

Ooh, wait, I didn't mean it.
I take that back, Lord.

You could ask Max
to pose for you.

He should be a model anyway.

The theme of the project
is modern masculinity.

Daniel is the first
Black partner at his law firm,

-and Max is just
a hot, white bartender.
-I see your point.

I'd still do him,
but I see your point.

I'll tell you who else

should be a model.
This cake pop.

Where you going with those
pretty little sprinkles on you?

Paris andMilan?

Well, smell you.

Phil, do you think
you could pose for me?

I think I can work with this.

Are you sure?

I've been called
a lot of things,

but "masculine" and "modern"

do not rate high on that list.

So, it's official.

The signs
will be called speed humps

and not speed bumps.

Okay, next up,

extended hours at the Middle C.

Mr. Cook,
please address the council.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

You know, owning a piano bar,

people always ask me,
"Do you play the piano?

Do you sing?"

I say, "I do not."

-[Kat chuckles]
-In fact, my Sunday school

choir teacher told me that
there were plenty of other ways

that I could honor the Lord.

-[Kat chuckles]
-But the thing is,

I've always loved music,

and I love being a positive part
of the community.

And a few more hours
of positivity

could really benefit
the neighborhood.

And my kid's teeth.

He needs braces. Like, bad.

The boy look like a possum.

Thank you.

Oh, no, no, no. No clapping.
Just eats up time.

All right.
We will now hear arguments

from some community members.

I'm all for the Middle C
being open later.

Get my drink on. Get my song on.

Go home,

get my bongo on.

Then Mom's boyfriend Glenn
comes down,

yells, "Knock it off!"

Then I yell back,
"You're not my dad, Glenn!"

I live across the street
from the Middle C

and have a new baby.
[chuckles]

The noise makes it really hard
to get him to sleep,

and if it were
to stay open later,

I don't know what I would do.

I already feel like
my breast pump is taunting me.

The question
everyone should be asking:

is this neighborhood prepared
to handle the negative impact

that will occur
when a bar stays open late?

Each hour a bar stays open

past 11:00 p.m.,

there's a 16% increase in crime.

This includes graffiti,

public urination,

public urination
while spraying graffiti.

I've seen it.

The drunker people are,

the more likely they are
to just set crap on fire.

Garbage cans, street signs.

Paper toilet seat covers.

That's why
there's none ever there

when you're in the restroom.

So, please, listen
to what we're saying tonight.

Do the right thing
to keep our neighborhood safe.

All right.
Time to vote on the Middle C

extending their hours
of operation.

All those in favor?

All those not in favor?

Ms. Silver, you haven't voted.

-Can I abstain?
-MARLENE: No.

-Can I go to the bathroom?
-MARLENE: No.

-Can I phone a friend?
-MARLENE: No.

Yea or nay? And you're the
tiebreaker, so make it quick.

'Cause if I don't feed my Yorkie
by 7:00,

he goes after the paper towels.

Yeah, Kat. Yea or nay?

Nay.

Well, the nays have it.

Now he won't let me in his bar.

But there were so many con
arguments and safety concerns.

I saved him
a lot of aggravation.

-Don't you agree?
-Carter pays me,

so I'm gonna have to be
Switzerland on this one.

Uh, Switzerland is one
of the most highly weaponized

countries in the world.

The last canton
didn't give women the vote

until 1991. I don't think
you want to be Switzerland.

Oh, hey, that's a nice chair.

Oh. Yeah,
it was my dad's favorite.

Every night, I would sit

in his lap,
tell him about my day.

How my college classes
were going.

Oh, hey,

is that a jukebox?

No, it's a pizza oven.
[laughs]

-Obviously, it's a jukebox.
-Right.

It's actually the original one
from Happy Days.

-Really?
-No. It's just
a regular jukebox.

Nobody plays it anymore.
You want it?

-Absolutely.
-Wait. I've got a better idea.

I'm gonna give it to Carter.

That's not better for me.

Well, Carter's always talking
about how much

he has to pay
his daytime pianist.

Don't say that word too fast.

So, now he has free music
at lunchtime,

and people love a jukebox.

Yeah, including me.
But whatever.

Max, I have
the most beautiful cashmere coat

for you. Grandpa Silver
brought it from Europe.

He asked to be buried in it
when he died,

but tragically,
we couldn't find it.

Where was it?

In the closet on a hanger.

-Isn't life funny?
-[Max laughs]

That's so nice of you, Sheila.

Of course. It'll come in handy

if you ever get a real job.

Aw. You're like family here.

It was so nice of Kat

-to let me borrow her pearls.
-Mm-hmm.

You look concerned,
which is making me concerned

'cause you're looking
at my face.

Oh, I'm sorry, Phil.
It's not you, it's me.

It sounds like
we're breaking up.

It's just, I'm not doing great
in this class.

My professor says
my photographs lack inspiration.

Wow.

You're usually
such a confident critter, Randi.

I'm not used to seeing
this side of you.

When I graduated high school,

my parents said they would pay
for college

if I studied anything but art.

So, I didn't go to school
until I could pay for it myself.

And now I kind of feel like

I'm paying all this money
for something

I might be just mediocre at.

I think you need a bath.

[sniffs]

Stupid crystal deodorant.

[chuckles]:
No.

I mean an inspiration bath.

Mama used to swear by 'em.

She said the water would
wash the worries away

and let the good ideas
bubble up.

Course, then she'd put me
in the tub

with my little brother,
Tinker the Stinker,

and other things
would bubble up.

-♪
-[tap dancing]

Shoes are a little snug,
but we dancers smile through it.

Are you trying
to cost me more business

by making people think
this is a Capezio store?

And I only know what that is

'cause I once dated a ballerina
for a summer.

Okay, I'll stop.

Sorry. Once you start
a triple-time step,

you got to see it through.

I have something for you.

Are you gonna turn back time and
vote for me to extend my hours?

I can't take back my vote,
and I still think

that that was the best thing
for the neighborhood.

But I do care about you

and your business
and our friendship,

so I have a surprise for you.

It's in the back.

Fine. But only because
it gets you away

from the entrance to my bar.

This is now the fourth thing
I've done in my life

that I will never talk about.

Doesn't it feel good?

To make waves with your feet

and squish the water up
between your toes?

I'm not convinced
this is sanitary

since I'm also squishing
some leftover kitty litter

between my toes,
but it does feel good

after being on my feet all day.

I have always loved the water.

When it was hot out, us kids
would go down to the river,

take our clothes off,
yell "Sun's out, holes out"

and jump in.

That's quite an image, Phil.

Wait.

That's quite an image.

Phil...

would you consider
getting naked for me?

Like naked, naked?
Like jump-in-the-river naked?

Well, you're the one
who wanted me

to take this inspiration bath,
Phil,

and that's what bubbled up.

And don't you think it's time

the world sees something besides
big muscles and ripped abs?

Phil, are you ready to show
the world your cute potato-bod?

I am, I am.

It is right...

Oh, no! No, no! No, no! Wait!

Wait! No! No! No!

Wait! That's my truck
and that's my...

[loud crashing]

...jukebox!

Now it's more of a junk box.

I mean, if you heard
a loud crash,

why didn't you come and see
what was going on?

Because I'm one
of those weird people

that runs away from danger.

My dad's jukebox is busted,

I'm not welcome
at the piano bar next door.

I guess for me,
today isthe day the music died.

Well, don't feel too bad.

The music on that jukebox died
a long time ago.

Randi, I was so excited

because Carter
and I were really bonding

in those council meetings.

Then he named that sandwich
after me.

Wait. Carter named a sandwich
after you?

Yeah, it was a good one, too.

He called it "The Kat Burger."

Ooh, that sounds nasty.

Ooh, yeah.
Now that I hear it out loud,

you're right.

And you should know

that Carter only names
sandwiches after people

when he wants something
from them.

And yes, there once was

a Randi Reuben that was
never ordered, never eaten,

because I shut that down
real quick.

Wait. Are you suggesting

that he buttered me up
with a vegan sandwich?

Thereby rendering it non-vegan?

Because that's diabolical.

I mean, I'm not saying
that he was being diabolical.

It just sounds like
he was trying to work you

for your vote, and now he's mad

because he couldn't
puppet-master you.

Well, wait.

Why didn't he just try
to get on the board himself

and then vote for himself?

Because you can't vote
for your own agenda.

Item rule 27-A.

Wow! I did get worked.

New experience, new feelings.

I've never been worked before.

Somehow, I doubt that.

I'm ready, Randi.

Are you naked under there, Phil?

Yep, as the day I was born.

It's okay. It's all
in the name of art.

Phil's helping me
with my photography class.

Come on, Phil. I have everything
set up out back.

-[Phil chuckles]
-Wait. Aren't you gonna
be cold outside?

Nope. God blessed me with
the lush fur of a snowshoe hare.

What happens in this café
when I'm not around?

Ugh. Not again.

Kat, what the hell is going on?

Well, you won't answer my texts,

I don't feel welcome
in your bar,

but I still have some things
I need to tell you.

And you thought
this was the best way?

Just spit it out.

Fine.

I think you nominated me
just to get my vote.

No, I just thought it would
be good to have a friendly voice

on the council,
somebody who enjoyed my bar

who could see my side of things.

Aha! You admit it!

I can't believe I was gonna
give you my dad's jukebox--

no strings attached,
by the way--

because
that's what real friendship is.

No, what real friendship is,

is two people
helping each other out.

I think real friendship means
respecting the other person

if they have a difference
of opinion.

Then I guess when it comes
to friendship,

we just agree to disagree.

Well, I disagree,
so I disagree to disagree.

Then that would mean we agree.

-I disagree!
-Oh.

Quit looking out the window
at the Middle C.

[sighs]
I can't help it.

I wish I could be
one of those people who,

when they get mad at someone,
they stay mad.

I'm just not that person.

I miss Carter and the Middle C.

I miss those piano-based
'70s sing-alongs.

I mean, where else am I gonna
wear my Cher wigs?

When I get in an argument,
I always say,

"You're right, I'm wrong,"
and get on with it.

I developed that strategy
because I'm small

and ill-suited for battle.

Or maybe I just need
to accept the fact

that friends come into your life
for a reason or a season.

You know, maybe the season
of Carter is over.

Maybe I should look at this
as an opportunity.

Maybe I should start up
a little friendship

with Jack
from the used bookstore,

see where that takes me.

The guy from the used
bookstore's name is "Bobby Ray."

Then I will initiate
the conversation by saying,

"Bobby Ray, I'm sorry I've been
calling you Jack for a year."

Hey, y'all.
Look at this.

I made some test prints
from our shoot last night,

and I may be a genius.

Whoa!

Phil, you took off your apron.

Yeah, well, it was a full moon
last night,

so we decided,
"Moon's out, holes out."

Plus, the apron came in handy
when I had to snap away a rat.

You know, Randi, I don't know
if it's your photography skills,

or just the way the moonlight
is dancing off that wall,

but I never realized how
beautiful our dumpster area is.

I think it's my dumpster area
that sells it.

I just figured out
how to help Carter.

I thought
the season of Carter was over.

Have you not been listening?
I can't stay mad at someone.

Should I be flattered or alarmed

that she just ran up to her room
with a picture of me naked?

Now what?

Look at this.

-Whoa!
-Whoa!

Phil's naked.

How am I supposed to look
at that man in the eye again?

Put your thumb there.
Look past Phil.

I'm not touching that.

Okay, um, cover it with this.

-Hey, now it's 3D.
-[Kat sighs]

You know what?
Forget the picture.

I'm pretty sure
I can't forget that picture.

Carter, I think
I figured out a way

for you to serve more customers
during regular business hours

to make up
for not staying open later.

Yeah? How's that?

Back patio seating.

There's plenty
of room back there.

The brick wall is rustic
and super cool.

Plus, I did some research.

You already have approval
for a back patio from when

the Middle C was a strip club
called "Leave It To Beavers."

Oh, hey, I remember
that place... Huh?

What? Never mind.

Anyway, Randi and I can
help you decorate it

and make it look awesome,
with twinkle lights,

'cause that's the cheap way
to make anything look awesome.

It's true. I got pictures of her
in her cap and gown. Twinkly.

Why are you doing this, Kat?

I mean, I thought
we came to a disagreement.

Because you're important to me.

In winter, spring,
summer or fall,

all you got to do is call.

And I'll be there,
yes, I will.

-You know why?
-Yeah, I know why.

-♪ 'Cause you got a friend...♪
-I said I know why.

And I've been thinking about it.

I do respect you for voting
for what you thought was right.

-Thank you.
-Even though I disagree.

Which I respect,
and I politely disagree back.

Bring it in?

[Kat laughs]

My professor says
a great photograph

is one you can't look away from,

and he stared at the one
I took of Phil so long,

his glasses fogged up.

-Oh!
-Oh!
-Oh!

And then
he gave me my first "A."

-[cheering]
-Congratulations.

Oh, and Randi is gonna help me
use one of the pictures we took

for my Christmas card this year.

We're gonna cover the naughty
bits with snowflakes and tinsel.

-Can't wait for mine.
-Mm.

-Sounds festive.
-I got to hand it to you, Kat.

This back patio is off the hook.

And I'm glad
Daddy's jukebox found a home...

that isn't mine.

Yeah, Carter and I went halfsies
to restore it.

Yeah. Pretty dang cool,
isn't it?

Hey, did I ever tell you,

that's the original one
from Happy Days?

-For real?
-No!

Why does everyone believe that?

["Dancing in the Street" by
Martha and the Vandellas plays]

-I love this song.
-I love this song.

♪ Calling out around the world♪

♪ Are you ready
for a brand-new beat?♪

♪ Summer's here,
and the time is right♪

♪ For dancing in the street♪

♪ They're dancing in Chicago♪

♪ Dancing in the street♪

♪ Down in New Orleans...♪