C.O.P.S. (1988–1989): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Case of the Bulletproof Waldo - full transcript
Dr. Badvibes replaces Bulletproof with a robotic copy controlled by a small robot named Waldo. Blitz is the only one who can tell the difference.
C.O.P.S
Central Organization of Police Specialists
Fighting crime in a future time.
Protecting Empire City from
Big Boss and his gang of crooks.
C.O.P.S
It's crime fighting time.
The case of the
bulletproof Waldo.
Cops File, 91011.
In a bold move, the
Big Boss decided that
I, Bulletproof Vess,
had to be replaced.
Little did I know that he planned
to replace me with myself.
Here's how the caper came down.
And now the rear view.
There, that should give
me everything I need.
Everything but a new brain?
I'll thank you to hold
your rusty tongue,
you metal mental midget!
Now just do your job
and give me the input.
Input, you wheeled wastebasket!
You may be a big deal
now, Mr. Bulletproof,
but that's all going to change.
I've got plans for you.
All right, take that data back
to the lab and get started.
Ahh! Oh, oh, oh, ah!
That does it! No more
steel wool cookies for you!
I want to applaud
you all for your efforts.
You've done a great job of taking
the big boss' crooks off the streets.
But we've got to keep crossing
these crooks out of circulation.
We've got to keep
up the pressure.
So, stay on your
toes and be careful.
That goes for you too, sir.
Oh?
- Yes, sir.
We couldn't do half as
well as we do without you.
(all cheers)
Thank you, mainframe.
I'll keep it in mind.
Well?
Everything was going fine, boss.
We had the dough
and was just getting in
the getaway car when
the cops showed up.
Verse!
- Huh?
Baldwin P. Bulletproof Verse!
Ah! Huh?
Ah! Every time I
design a really big crime,
it's foiled by Bulletproof!
Ah! I can't shake
him! He's everywhere!
Hey!
One of these days, I'll
get my hands on him.
And when I do...
The game is up, big man.
Ah! You can't come
in here, you! You!
Oh, oh, please, please.
Why, don't hurt me.
We can make a deal.
I'll leave the city, the state.
No? Well, how about the planet?
Yes, I'll leave the planet.
Ah!
Huh?!
(Big boss is angry)
Hello.
You have two seconds
to explain, see?
Or you'll spend
the rest of your life
in a bowling alley
repairing video games!
Behold.
It's a dummy.
You're the dummy, Cheese-head.
It's a widget-activated
laboratory-developed organism.
Or Waldo, for short.
I like it, Bad Vibes.
Tell me more.
We snatch the
real Bulletproof...
and let my Bulletproof
Waldo take his place.
You will make sure
the little guy cooperates,
won't you?
Oh, Waldo, where are you?
(Buzz-Bomb is
making a suggestion)
You're too big to fit inside
the fake Bulletproof,
you rust bucket.
You can't replace Waldo.
(Buzz-Bomb is making
another suggestion)
You can't replace
me either, so forget it.
Now, Waldo,
where are you?
Waldo, please, I'm begging you.
What if I was to offer
you an oil bath every day?
With chrome-plated gears?
State-of-the-art microchips?
An endless supply of Steel Wolf cookies?
Well, then, let's get to work.
Ouch!
(3 beeping noises)
Aren't you going to meet
us for lunch, Charlie?
No, I've got to stop by
the bank. I'll see you later.
And you too, fella.
Later, sir. Come on, Blitz.
(Turbo laugh)
10-33, emergency.
Do you read me? Over.
This car's certainly
taken a turn for the worse.
(tire screeching)
Come on out, Tin Man.
Thanks for the ride, Two-Tone.
I'd appreciate it if you'd
show me the way out now.
You ain't gonna need that.
(magnetic fields pulling Bulletproof)
And you ain't going nowhere.
Mr. Bulletproof,
I'd like you to meet the new,
improved model Bulletproof.
You'll never get away
with this, Bad Vibes.
You'll never get away
with this, Bad Vibes.
Oh, I think I will.
You see, you won't be missed.
Because while you're
here being a helpless lump,
your better half will be resuming
your office duties for you.
With Waldo giving orders,
your cops will wind up
everywhere the crooks aren't.
Have a nice day.
I just hope the other
cops back at the station
don't fall for my
phony look-alike.
Good afternoon, Chief.
Good afternoon,
Mainframe. Nice day.
Howdy, Bowser. Nice day.
How's it going, Chief?
How's it going,
Hardtop? Nice day.
Does he seem, I don't
know, tired to you?
Hey, we've all been working hard.
No, no, you're doing
fine. Just improvise a little.
Say more creative things.
What do you think the big boss's
next move will be, Bulletproof?
Whatever it is, I'm sure we can
handle that fat-headed tub of lard.
Well? Fat-headed tub of lard?
But I didn't.
Hmm. Perhaps I
should improvise on you.
He's only telling them
what they want to hear.
Well, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
He's, uh... Hmm.
Just don't let it
become a habit, see?
Don't panic. Do it the
way we rehearsed it.
(surprised)
Hiya, Blitz. I'm busy right
now, boy. Down, down.
Go away. Shoot.
Dr Bad Vibes: Let him.
Maybe he'll go away.
What's wrong, boy?
Bowser, take that metal
mud in for a tune-up. Now!
A tune-up? Yes, sir.
Phew. That was close.
Well, we can't keep this
up forever, Bad Vibes.
We won't have to.
It's time to send the cops
on a real wild goose chase.
How does hitting the
Empire City Central Bank
for $10 million sound, Big Boss?
Well, sounds tasty. Very tasty.
But uh, what about
the real Bulletproof?
Don't you worry about a thing.
A quick call to Two-Tone
and all will be taken care of.
(phone ringing)
Yo!
Two-Tone, I think it's time to put
a bug in Mr. Bulletproof's system.
You got it, Doc.
How's it going?
I never felt better.
I got a little present for you.
Pretty, ain't it?
This little bug is gonna
wipe your circuitry clean,
chip by chip, until
you're helpless.
I gotta go over to the
Empire City Central Bank
now and make a withdrawal.
But Junior here is gonna stay
and keep you company.
I don't know. According
to my tests, you're fine.
So what could have
caused that static discharge?
Bowser.
We've got a problem.
I'm picking up a
personal distress signal.
Whose signal?
Bulletproof's. But it's
not coming from him.
Where's it coming from?
From an abandoned
foundry at 222 Canal Alley.
This is starting to make sense.
Mainframe, have you noticed that
Bulletproof's been
acting strange today?
Yes, I have. But
I didn't want
to say anything
unless I was sure.
Stay here and keep
an eye on Bulletproof.
I'm going to take a look
at that abandoned foundry.
Come on, Blitz.
Huh?!
Get him, Blitz!
Sir, if you're here,
who's back at the
precinct giving orders?
Let's get back. I'll
explain on the way.
We've got a call, Bulletproof.
The Empire City Central
Bank is being robbed.
That's a phony report.
The real action is coming
down on the West Side at Pier 12.
Get on it.
Get on it?
Aren't you forgetting
to say something, sir?
Something we always say
when it's time to do our job?
How dare you
question my authority!
Now get going before I
suspend the lot of you!
Something's wrong.
Bulletproof would
never say that.
That's right. I wouldn't.
(everyone is asking what's going on)
He's an imposter. Arrest him!
No, don't!
(Blitz barks)
I'll show you who
the imposter is!
(scream)
Bulletproof?
There's a robbery in progress
at the Empire City Central Bank.
Proceed there at once.
It's crime-fighting time!
(all cheer)
That's more like it!
Welcome back, sir.
Well, remind me never to
trust you with anything again!
I told you it wasn't my fault.
It was that crank case
for brains, Two-Tone.
Meh... well?
what have you got
to say for yourself?
Yes, speak up.
(beeping noises)
The cops arrived in time to foil
the holdup at the Central Bank.
The fake Bulletproof
was taken away
to the Empire City Crime Museum,
where it rests with the
other broken capers.
File 91011,
the case of
"The Bulletproof Waldo."
Case closed.
Central Organization of Police Specialists
Fighting crime in a future time.
Protecting Empire City from
Big Boss and his gang of crooks.
C.O.P.S
It's crime fighting time.
The case of the
bulletproof Waldo.
Cops File, 91011.
In a bold move, the
Big Boss decided that
I, Bulletproof Vess,
had to be replaced.
Little did I know that he planned
to replace me with myself.
Here's how the caper came down.
And now the rear view.
There, that should give
me everything I need.
Everything but a new brain?
I'll thank you to hold
your rusty tongue,
you metal mental midget!
Now just do your job
and give me the input.
Input, you wheeled wastebasket!
You may be a big deal
now, Mr. Bulletproof,
but that's all going to change.
I've got plans for you.
All right, take that data back
to the lab and get started.
Ahh! Oh, oh, oh, ah!
That does it! No more
steel wool cookies for you!
I want to applaud
you all for your efforts.
You've done a great job of taking
the big boss' crooks off the streets.
But we've got to keep crossing
these crooks out of circulation.
We've got to keep
up the pressure.
So, stay on your
toes and be careful.
That goes for you too, sir.
Oh?
- Yes, sir.
We couldn't do half as
well as we do without you.
(all cheers)
Thank you, mainframe.
I'll keep it in mind.
Well?
Everything was going fine, boss.
We had the dough
and was just getting in
the getaway car when
the cops showed up.
Verse!
- Huh?
Baldwin P. Bulletproof Verse!
Ah! Huh?
Ah! Every time I
design a really big crime,
it's foiled by Bulletproof!
Ah! I can't shake
him! He's everywhere!
Hey!
One of these days, I'll
get my hands on him.
And when I do...
The game is up, big man.
Ah! You can't come
in here, you! You!
Oh, oh, please, please.
Why, don't hurt me.
We can make a deal.
I'll leave the city, the state.
No? Well, how about the planet?
Yes, I'll leave the planet.
Ah!
Huh?!
(Big boss is angry)
Hello.
You have two seconds
to explain, see?
Or you'll spend
the rest of your life
in a bowling alley
repairing video games!
Behold.
It's a dummy.
You're the dummy, Cheese-head.
It's a widget-activated
laboratory-developed organism.
Or Waldo, for short.
I like it, Bad Vibes.
Tell me more.
We snatch the
real Bulletproof...
and let my Bulletproof
Waldo take his place.
You will make sure
the little guy cooperates,
won't you?
Oh, Waldo, where are you?
(Buzz-Bomb is
making a suggestion)
You're too big to fit inside
the fake Bulletproof,
you rust bucket.
You can't replace Waldo.
(Buzz-Bomb is making
another suggestion)
You can't replace
me either, so forget it.
Now, Waldo,
where are you?
Waldo, please, I'm begging you.
What if I was to offer
you an oil bath every day?
With chrome-plated gears?
State-of-the-art microchips?
An endless supply of Steel Wolf cookies?
Well, then, let's get to work.
Ouch!
(3 beeping noises)
Aren't you going to meet
us for lunch, Charlie?
No, I've got to stop by
the bank. I'll see you later.
And you too, fella.
Later, sir. Come on, Blitz.
(Turbo laugh)
10-33, emergency.
Do you read me? Over.
This car's certainly
taken a turn for the worse.
(tire screeching)
Come on out, Tin Man.
Thanks for the ride, Two-Tone.
I'd appreciate it if you'd
show me the way out now.
You ain't gonna need that.
(magnetic fields pulling Bulletproof)
And you ain't going nowhere.
Mr. Bulletproof,
I'd like you to meet the new,
improved model Bulletproof.
You'll never get away
with this, Bad Vibes.
You'll never get away
with this, Bad Vibes.
Oh, I think I will.
You see, you won't be missed.
Because while you're
here being a helpless lump,
your better half will be resuming
your office duties for you.
With Waldo giving orders,
your cops will wind up
everywhere the crooks aren't.
Have a nice day.
I just hope the other
cops back at the station
don't fall for my
phony look-alike.
Good afternoon, Chief.
Good afternoon,
Mainframe. Nice day.
Howdy, Bowser. Nice day.
How's it going, Chief?
How's it going,
Hardtop? Nice day.
Does he seem, I don't
know, tired to you?
Hey, we've all been working hard.
No, no, you're doing
fine. Just improvise a little.
Say more creative things.
What do you think the big boss's
next move will be, Bulletproof?
Whatever it is, I'm sure we can
handle that fat-headed tub of lard.
Well? Fat-headed tub of lard?
But I didn't.
Hmm. Perhaps I
should improvise on you.
He's only telling them
what they want to hear.
Well, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
He's, uh... Hmm.
Just don't let it
become a habit, see?
Don't panic. Do it the
way we rehearsed it.
(surprised)
Hiya, Blitz. I'm busy right
now, boy. Down, down.
Go away. Shoot.
Dr Bad Vibes: Let him.
Maybe he'll go away.
What's wrong, boy?
Bowser, take that metal
mud in for a tune-up. Now!
A tune-up? Yes, sir.
Phew. That was close.
Well, we can't keep this
up forever, Bad Vibes.
We won't have to.
It's time to send the cops
on a real wild goose chase.
How does hitting the
Empire City Central Bank
for $10 million sound, Big Boss?
Well, sounds tasty. Very tasty.
But uh, what about
the real Bulletproof?
Don't you worry about a thing.
A quick call to Two-Tone
and all will be taken care of.
(phone ringing)
Yo!
Two-Tone, I think it's time to put
a bug in Mr. Bulletproof's system.
You got it, Doc.
How's it going?
I never felt better.
I got a little present for you.
Pretty, ain't it?
This little bug is gonna
wipe your circuitry clean,
chip by chip, until
you're helpless.
I gotta go over to the
Empire City Central Bank
now and make a withdrawal.
But Junior here is gonna stay
and keep you company.
I don't know. According
to my tests, you're fine.
So what could have
caused that static discharge?
Bowser.
We've got a problem.
I'm picking up a
personal distress signal.
Whose signal?
Bulletproof's. But it's
not coming from him.
Where's it coming from?
From an abandoned
foundry at 222 Canal Alley.
This is starting to make sense.
Mainframe, have you noticed that
Bulletproof's been
acting strange today?
Yes, I have. But
I didn't want
to say anything
unless I was sure.
Stay here and keep
an eye on Bulletproof.
I'm going to take a look
at that abandoned foundry.
Come on, Blitz.
Huh?!
Get him, Blitz!
Sir, if you're here,
who's back at the
precinct giving orders?
Let's get back. I'll
explain on the way.
We've got a call, Bulletproof.
The Empire City Central
Bank is being robbed.
That's a phony report.
The real action is coming
down on the West Side at Pier 12.
Get on it.
Get on it?
Aren't you forgetting
to say something, sir?
Something we always say
when it's time to do our job?
How dare you
question my authority!
Now get going before I
suspend the lot of you!
Something's wrong.
Bulletproof would
never say that.
That's right. I wouldn't.
(everyone is asking what's going on)
He's an imposter. Arrest him!
No, don't!
(Blitz barks)
I'll show you who
the imposter is!
(scream)
Bulletproof?
There's a robbery in progress
at the Empire City Central Bank.
Proceed there at once.
It's crime-fighting time!
(all cheer)
That's more like it!
Welcome back, sir.
Well, remind me never to
trust you with anything again!
I told you it wasn't my fault.
It was that crank case
for brains, Two-Tone.
Meh... well?
what have you got
to say for yourself?
Yes, speak up.
(beeping noises)
The cops arrived in time to foil
the holdup at the Central Bank.
The fake Bulletproof
was taken away
to the Empire City Crime Museum,
where it rests with the
other broken capers.
File 91011,
the case of
"The Bulletproof Waldo."
Case closed.