CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 3, Episode 11 - The Watch Commander - full transcript

'and these are
the figure eight cars'

'moving out here
on the course.'

'One of the wildest,
most exciting types of shows'

'you'll ever see.'

'Cars come
into the intersection.'

'This is where
the excitement is.'

'Then we've got a south turn.'

'We've got a north turn.'

'Then the battle is right
here at the crossover.'

'We're just moments away
of getting underway here'

'for the main event. This
will be for a total of 25 laps.'



'Cars are lined up
and just about set to go'

'here for the main event.'

Okay, go get 'em, Ponch!

'Out of the south turn,
here they come.'

'The starter looks them over.'

'We got a green
and we're racing.'

'Coming over here
out of the turn'

'the number 65 car
is starting to move it out.'

'Right in behind
is car number 27'

'Billy The Kid Wakefield.'

'The battle is on
and they all scramble'

'for positions
here into the back.'

'Moving up through the pack'

'it's the number 32 car
of Frank Poncherello.'



'Look at this.'

'Makes his way over wide
here to the outside'

'as he picks off one car,
coming up here'

'out of the north turn.'

'Still in there
and moving up for that leader'

'you've got a wild
three car battle going.'

'Two more cars
are starting to move it up.'

'Still in there, Billy The Kid
in his number 27 car.'

'And starting to move up
through the pack'

'it's Frank Poncherello
in car number 32.'

'Back here in the pack,
there's an awful wild'

'struggling battle going on with
these cars cutting in and out'

'back and forth
as they all try to pick it up'

'one more position.'

'Down into the north turn we go.
The cars are still there.'

'The sign is out, we've got
a bad spot on the track'

'but the battle still goes on.'

'Through the pack,
the number 44 car'

'of Bones Bateman
is really on the move.'

'Look at this as he cuts it
down around on the inside.'

'Pouring it on.
Here it is. Look here.'

'He's taking it way wide up
around out of that turn'

'as he rolls that number 44,
the rest of the traffic'

'all jamming right here
into the crossover.'

Attaboy, Ponch.
Sock it to 'em. Attaboy.

'Going into about lap number 14'

'it's gonna be a wild,
wild scramble to the end.'

'Frank Poncherello
in the number 32 car'

'carries that 11
way wide out to the outside'

'as they come out
of that north turn.'

'Whoa, look at this,
moving down into the inside'

'he made it, just barely
plowing it through.'

'Bones Bateman in his forty..
Whoa!'

'He just made it
in that number 44 car.'

'Frank Poncherello still
moving that number 32..'

'...for the number 11 car.'

'But here's gonna
be your battle'

'with the number 44 car
slowly closing it up here'

'on number 32
driven by Frank Poncherello.'

'Wow! Look at that.'

'Barely misses
through the intersection.'

'Here the power goes again'

'as we head down here
into that north turn.'

'Here's the straightaway wide.
Look at this.'

'Coming down in close
right in there tight'

'is Bones Bateman, number 44.'

'Here comes Frank Poncherello,
as he moves out'

'and he takes over the lead.'

'It looks like Bones Bateman
is in trouble..'

'...slams it into the wall
here at the start-finish line.'

'The flag is out,
the tow trucks will be moving'

'over here in just a moment
to take that number 44 car'

'of Bones Bateman
back to the boneyard.'

'When the track is clear,
we'll get back to racing.'

'Alright, here is the green flag
and we are back to racing.'

'Down they come now
out of the turn.'

'Frank Poncherello
is still leading..'

- Leakage.

The doggone throttle leakage.
Do you believe it?

Yeah.

Maybe next time, huh?

'Frank Poncherello, the leader,
here in that number 32 car.'

'Around the turn,
they start to swing'

'moving it down
into the inside.'

'Look at that maneuver
here by the number 32 car..'

Attaboy, Ponch! Yay!

'...slowly closing in on
fearless Frank Poncherello.'

'It's gonna be
Billy The Kid Wakefield'

'if they can hang on to it.'

'Whoa. Down into the inside,
a slam, a bang.'

'Shoves him wide to the outside'

'and he spins over there
in that number 32.'

'It's all over
for Frank Poncherello'

'in that number 32 car.'

'Billy The Kid Wakefield,
number 27'

'takes the checkered flag
for the win.'

Did you see what
that turkey did to me?

Talk about bush-league driving,
man.

Yeah, well, uh, sort of.
Hey, thanks a lot, guys.

- I could've won that heat, man.
- Hey, wait a minute, A.J. Foyt.

That's not why we're here.
Remember?

Yeah, I know. Well,
did you come up with anything?

I think it's time for us spies
to come out of the cold.

Now, wait a minute. I gotta
go talk to the winner first.

- I'll be right back.
- Alright.

Congratulations.
You knocked out.

Well, if it isn't
good old number 32.

King of the road hogs.

Lady, when it comes
to hogging the road

you don't take a backseat
to anybody.

Well, remember that
and stay out of my way.

Maybe next time, I'll run you
off the track myself.

If that's a warning,
I got one for you.

If there is a next time..

...I'm gonna be waiting for you.

First you have to catch me.

Oh, sarge, a hot dog
at this time in the morning?

- Yuck.
- Hey, protein's protein.

Come on.
You guys are late.

Well, uh,
we overslept a little bit.

Yeah, when we work undercover,
we sleep late.

You get it, undercover?

I thought we had a handball game
half an hour ago.

You're on duty,
and so are you guys.

Do you mind if we conduct a
little, uh, undercover business?

Hey, are you starting to feel
like James Bond? I am.

First of all, what did you guys
find out though?

Nothing, none
of the stolen auto parts

match up
with the computer printout.

If somebody's working a stolen
auto parts ring out of Ascot

it's news to us.

I'll throw it
back to Auto Theft.

Okay, new subject.

How would you guys like
to stay right where you are?

You mean, undercover?
- I'm talking Drug Enforcement.

'They'd sure
like to borrow you guys.'

- Cocaine.

They got an anonymous tip.

Since you guys already
have a solid cover..

- Okay.

Hey, Wanda.

Let's not forget
your best customer here, huh?

Looks like Bones is reliving
the race all over again.

Man, I still can't believe
that nine years ago

that dude drove
in the Indianapolis 500.

Yeah, I know. Hey, a couple
drafts, okay? Thank you.

Hey, uh, excuse me,
partner, but, uh..

...I gotta go review
a few rules of the road

with a certain rank beginner.

He's on his way to see me?

Alright. I'll be waiting.

Fine. Then I'm leaving now.

Hi. I'm Ponch.
Remember me?

The certain, uh, road hog,
uh, who's lucky to be alive.

- Hi.
- Um, hey, listen.

You know, I was thinking
that, uh--

Please.
You'll have to excuse me.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

- Sorry. Some other time.

Hey, Ponch, I got me a real
winner here. I guarantee it.

Attaway, Bones.
Believing is half the battle.

- Hey, Bates.
- Hey!

I'm back.

Come on, girls.
Let's get in gear.

Well, think hard.
It will come to you.

Baker. Yeah, Jon Baker.

- Yeah, that's right.

Good. See you out there.

Hey, there you go.
Drink hard.

Hey, thank you.

Are you a friend of this cowboy?

Oh, uh, I knew him
in high school. Chet Lindford.

Pretty good athlete until
he got kicked out of school.

- Yeah.

As I recall, they hushed it
up faster than you say, uh

"My old man's a federal judge."

- Nobody knows.

Whatever it was, they sure
put it to rest in a hurry.

It's kind of interesting, huh?

Well, the jails
are full of rich kids.

Old cynic that I am.

Well, ready to eat a little dust
in the Trophy Sprint.

My, my, my, if it isn't
the velvet sledgehammer.

You didn't answer my question.

Well, if you're talking
fair and square

I'll be happy to help you play
out your innermost fantasies.

'Out of the turn, Frank
Poncherello in number 32 car.'

'Here he comes heading out
for the intersection.'

'The number 11 car
really trying to make up..'

'But is also walking that number
32 car of Frank Poncherello.'

'Over here out of this turn,
into the south turn'

'as they move again
through the intersection..'

'...in a full crossed-up slide.
Look at this.'

'From out of the turn,
Frank Poncherello.'

'Now moving up, here comes Bones
Bateman in that number 65 car'

'along with Billy The Kid
Wakefield, number 27.'

'65, both of them
carry it through the..'

'Whoa.
A little bit of a touch.'

'Making good time through the
intersection. Look at this.'

'Back here in the pack,
the number 65 car'

'Bateman is right up there
challenging that number 32.'

'Frank Poncherello
still holding him off'

'as they go
through the intersection.'

Attaboy, come on, come on.

'Over into the south turn'

'we go, and it's the 65 car
has moved around'

'with Poncherello in number 32.
Look at this.'

'As they dive down
into the south turn'

'both cars right
in there battling it'

'right down to the wire.'

'Trying to move it up and..'

'Whoa! Not another crash.'

'Right there in
the intersection.'

'That's what we told you
where the excitement is'

'right here at the crossover.'

'Bones Bateman has done it
again in the number 65 car.'

'The tow trucks moving out
to clean up the debris'

'and it looks
like Bones Bateman goes back'

'to the boneyard again.'

'Okay, we're back
to the green flag.'

'Here it is.
The battle is on again.'

'Frank Poncherello still
holding out there with the lead'

'but look at this,
up into the inside'

'Billy The Kid Wakefield
in that number 27 car'

'shoots to the cross
and takes the lead.'

'As we come down here
into the final laps'

'Poncherello moves it
back in there..'

Attaboy, Ponch!

'...smokes in,
going right on by'

'to move out here
into the lead.'

'Wow. Did he make a wild one
going by that number 27?'

'There it is again,
it's the checkered flag..'

Whoo, attaboy!

'...picks up the win
in the number 32 car.'

Attaboy, Ponch.

Whoo! Now that was racing.

Yeah, but you gotta hand it
to Billy.

She gave you all
you could handle, huh?

Yeah, and, uh, seeing
as we're $100 richer

the least I could do
is buy the lady..

...a little dinner.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Billy. You were beautiful
out there. The best.

Ponch, listen, uh, I'm sorry.
I, uh..

I don't have time to talk, okay?

Hey, Jon,
see that guy with Billy?

He looks familiar to you?

Yeah, I think,
uh, Randy Carnell.

That's the guy involved in that
big land

Yup, with a list of priors
a mile long

everything from drug possession
to assault and battery.

I saw him last night,
but I couldn't be sure.

I'd say your friend keeps
some pretty strange company.

Going Russia.

- I got it.
- Good, let her rip.

'Nice shot.'

Got ya. Tell your partner
about that shot.

He'll never believe it.

Hey, you guys mind
if we take a break?

That's the best suggestion
I've heard all day.

Now, you were saying before
I so, uh, rudely interrupted--

Yeah, I don't know if, uh,
you'd call it a lead or not

but, uh, there happens
to be one driver

that seems to be pretty tight
with one Randy Carnell.

Yeah, I've heard of him. He's
got all sorts of connections.

Yeah, well, the driver
happens to be a girl, uh

Billy Wakefield.
That's all we know about her.

Billy Wakefield.
Well, it's worth checking out.

- Yeah.

One high roller by the name
of Chet Lindford.

You check on him with the chief
of police in Sheridan, Wyoming.

Wyoming?
That's where you're from.

Yeah, I knew him well.

Two names?
That's all you got?

Well, unless Drug Enforcement
might be interested

in a couple of notorious,
uh, litterbugs.

I think you and Poncherello
better get cooking.

Yeah, what Joe's trying
to say is more stuff

is hitting the street
now than ever.

Look, Grossman, I know
what I'm trying to say.

My serve.
May I have the ball, please?

Service.

- Good shot.
- Hey, got you.

Hey, Bones.

Good luck for a change, huh?

Hey, Billy, don't mess up
the jack too much.

It just heats those tanks.

'The cars are starting
to move out here on the track.'

'This will be heat number two'

'going for a total
of eight laps.'

- Zilch.

You know, if Billy doesn't
want anybody to know who she is

she's got it down to a science.

Her pit area is clean
as a whistle. You?

I spent all afternoon
on the phone.

The only Billy Wakefield listed

in any other
driving associations

is this 53-year-old dude

who was killed in a plane crash
five years ago.

'Alright, here they come.
The flag is out.'

'Here we go
with heat race number two.'

'Bones Bateman
is in number 115.'

'Really doing it here tonight'

'moving up towards
the front of the pack.'

'Billy The Kid is also
right in there with him.'

'Now let's see as they go
down here into the turn..'

Hey.

- Well, Bones is right up there.
- Yeah, for a change.

'...here they come again
and they start to swing down.'

'Bones Bateman is on
the drive here tonight.'

'Wakefield..
Whoa.'

'We got one right
in the intersection'

'and Bones swipes it again.'

'He got it hard,
but it's still rolling'

'he crashed it into the 3 car.'

'Both are back and running.
We got a fire.'

'Look at that.
It's on fire.'

'The 115 car of Bones Bateman..'

No, don't!
Don't! Just let it burn!

- Got it.
- You guys don't understand.

I don't care
if I ever see that thing again.

Why me?
Why always me?

You're still the big man
on campus, huh, Baker?

Hey, Chet, what did you say?

Oh, come on, now, Jon.
You remember?

Football, baseball, basketball.
You were a star, man.

That's news to me,
but whatever you say, Chet.

Hey, now, fella,
don't be so modest.

Come on now. Tell the ladies
here all about it.

This is ridiculous, Chet. Now,
what are you trying to prove?

I told you, didn't I?

You ever see a big-time
race driver so modest?

Well, I tell you, if this is
the big time, like you put it..

...I pity the second-stringers.

What are you trying to tell me,
Baker?

I'm a second

Look, Chet, if that's what
you think about yourself

I'm sorry, but there's nothing
I can do about it, alright?

Now will you excuse me?

Well, it will be you against me
out there tonight

so you just watch yourself,
hero..

...'cause I'm coming after you.

What are you doing, Baker?
Renewing old acquaintances?

Yeah, I just got a challenge.
Fender-to-fender.

Yeah? Well, it might make
for an interesting heat.

Come on. In you go.

'Through the intersection we go
with the number 40 car'

'Chet Lindford,
that's your leader.'

'Right on his bumper,
Jon Baker in car number 32.'

'Look at these two go.'

'Whoa. Back here in the back
of the pack, look at this.'

'And again, a shot,
and he just made it..'

Alright, come on.

'The battle still goes on
up here for the lead.'

'Going by,
Baker is in the number 32 car'

'handling it very smooth,
closing right now'

'on Lindford in that number 40.'

'Over out of the turn,
look at this, closing it up'

'it's only about a car length
between these two..'

Get in there.

Hey, you know, for a new buddy,
I don't know anything about you.

Oh, come on, Ponch,
it's much more interesting

being a woman of mystery.

Alright.

Not even an address.

I don't even have a place
to send you, uh, roses.

Well, you can always
leave them on my dashboard.

'Here is your brand-new leader
in car number 32, Jon Baker.'

'Back into the middle is the
number 40 car of Chet Lindford'

'trying to get back up
into that lead.'

'Whoa, we've got a loss
of a car, number 3'

'losing it here just as
he came out of that south turn'

'and blocks the number 32 car.
Down in the..'

'...right here
into the intersection..'

'Whoa! And a rear-ender
here by that number 77.'

'Hey, a tough break for the
number 40 car of Chet Lindford.'

'Not only did he get it sideways
here in the intersection..'

Alright, I'm coming out.
Don't pull, alright?

'...and from
all appearances, he's okay.'

'The tow trucks are in,
we'll be cleaning off the track'

'and then we'll get right back
into our competition..'

I think it's broken.

'...Chet Lindford
in the number 40 car.'

'Hey, he could be hurt,
he was giving a little bit'

'of a grimace as he got out
of that car and sagged'

'a little bit as they carried
him away to the ambulance.'

'And the rules right here
regardless of what could be'

'wrong with the driver,
they always take him in.'

'They take him into the local
hospital for a full checkup.'

'Okay, again,
we'll clear off the track'

'and get back to racing.'

Okay, so don't tell me
your life story.

I'm still glad you believe
in consorting with the enemy.

Well, why not?

I mean, we both know that I'm
gonna win the finals tomorrow.

Oh, come on.
You wanna dance?

Sure, so you can break
my accelerator foot. Right.

No, so I can, uh, teach you
a little humility.

Please?

Hey, look, I know
I don't deserve it, Jon

but I appreciate
your concern anyway.

Oh, hey, so I saved you
some cab fare from the hospital.

- Thanks for that too.

In addition to what?

To showing
a born second-stringer

how a varsity man behaves,
okay?

Hey, look, Chet,
just forget it, huh?

- I'll see you around.
- Okay, good luck to you.

Hey, Ponch,
look, remember, I told you

I didn't like the sound
of that transmission?

Yeah, you were gonna tear it
down and take a look at it--

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right. Surprise.

Oh, no.
It's stripped?

Yeah, and we don't have time
to get another car.

Of all the rotten..

'Out of the competition,
just like that.'

Aww, Jon, Ponch, I'm sorry.

Unless we wanna enter
the Destruction Derby

assuming we can come up
with an old clunker.

No, no, no, not me,
but I mean

if you want a rolling migraine,
be my guest.

I'm with you.

Hey, don't forget,
150 bucks to the survivor.

Sure beats
sitting in the stands.

'Frank?'

Frank Poncherello?
I don't believe it.

Oh, um, Rachel.

Everybody, uh,
son of a gun, Rachel Miller.

'We went to high school
together.'

You look great, Ponch.
You still with the highway--

- Uh, highway construction.
- Maintenance, maintenance.

- Maintenance.
- Well, I mean, the h--

Listen, can I buy you a drink?
Just you and me, alright

Gee, did I say something wrong?

'Um, no. You look terrific.'

'You know, I'm glad to see you.'

Hi.

Boy, this better be good
considering the hour.

Well, what do you want first?
The good news or the bad news?

Oh, look, guys,
I'm in no mood for games.

Well, we need a car,
any car right away, sarge.

- Yeah, number 32 has had it.

The Destruction Derby.
Ponch decided to enter it.

Strictly in the interest of
maintaining our cover, you know?

Are you guys out of your mind?

We're working inter-agency.
Drug Enforcement.

Paperwork alone,
it'd take two days.

Take my word for it.
Forget the Derby.

If we do that,
you could really blow our cover.

And, uh, that brings up
the bad news.

What do you mean?

Wrecking state-owned vehicles
is the good news?

The bad news
is we may have blown our cover

in front of Billy Wakefield.

Oh, boy.
Wonderful, wonderful.

Oh!

Billy Wakefield
alias, uh, whoever.

Seen around town
with, uh, good citizens

like, uh, Randy Carnell?
Okay, that's it.

I'm pulling you out of there
now, this minute.

Now wait a minute.
Hold it, sarge.

I said we may have
blown our cover.

Now, if Billy Wakefield
is clean, that means, uh

'somebody else might try
to make a move.'

Yeah, well, what about Randy
Carnell

What about the Drug Enforcement
unit?

- Negative.

This stuff's coming into a
transfer point. They know that.

But where that point is?
Who takes it from there?

Sixty four thousand dollar
question.

Did you check on Chet Lindford?

Yeah, PD in Sheridan, Wyoming
doesn't have anything on him.

- Neither does any other agency.

We're narrowing down everything.

Sarge, look, uh, we have
our time invested in this.

I mean,
what's another day or two?

Alright. Okay, two more days,
but that's it.

I think we better go, huh?

Whoa. Whoa.
Hold it. Hey.

'Freeze, both of you.'

Now, while we're on the subject
of public funding

you guys owe me some money.

Come again.

You know all those purses
you guys have been winning?

'Regulations say,
you've been on assignment.'

That money
belongs to the taxpayers

you're so concerned about.

Yeah, okay, well, uh,
we'll see you payday, sarge.

'Okay, knock out
your buddy, Lindford.'

I mean,
if the guy's pushing anything

it's a nervous breakdown.

Now, who does that leave?

Atkins, the promoter,
Bones, Billy?

A couple of beady

Ah, maybe
we're wasting our time.

Well, personally, I think
the coke's moving

from someplace else,
not here, man.

What about Bones?

Yeah, like, how does a guy
with tons of big-league driving

end up in the boonies
and never win a race?

Yeah, not even finish a race.

Looks like they tow Bones'
old wrecks here.

- Yeah.

Every tank has a fresh weld.

- Yup, a good place for stash.
- Looks like coke.

Worth running through the lab.
That's for sure.

Hey, you guys, this stuff's
already been sold for scrap.

- The auto parts are over there.
- Uh, thanks anyway.

We'll come back
when we get more time, okay?

Thanks anyway.

Derby's in 30 minutes.

- We don't have a car.

- Getraer struck out.

He's down at the junkyard
and he sends his regrets.

He's staking out the other car.

Well, is this your Derby mount?

You gotta be kidding.

Well, you are gonna be in it,
aren't you?

I've been looking forward
to banging iron with you.

Sorry, man. My partner and I
are fresh out of wheels.

Yeah, some other time maybe,
huh?

Uh, look, can an old
acquaintance propose a solution?

What do you have in mind?

Well, you could use
my old clunker.

'The one I planned
to drive in Derby.'

Hey, it's yours if you want it,
free of charge.

Hey, no kidding?

It runs.
That's about all.

And, besides,
by the time I'm fit to grab

a steering wheel again,
I may be out of the mood.

Ponch, uh, there's a driver's
meeting in ten minutes.

What's it gonna be?

Your car's gonna go out
in a blaze of glory, I promise.

Terrific.

Hey, guys, come on.

Hey, hey, Billy.
Hey, hold up.

What is it with you?
All of a sudden, I'm in Siberia.

- Ponch, please.
- Hey, come on.

I thought we had something
going, not much, I admit

but somethin'.

Alright, I like to know
exactly who my friends are.

And that includes
highway patrolmen

in case you're interested.

So far, you're not on the list.

Why? Because I didn't tell you
what I do for a living?

Yeah, something like that.

Well, hey, talk about people
keeping their identity a secret.

Listen, lady, I tried
to send you those flowers..

...but nobody besides you
ever heard of Billy Wakefield

including the guy
that owns that empty lot

you put down on the entry form
for your current address.

Okay.
My name is Laurie Windsor.

I'm the all-American girl
with the all-American family

who can't see
their little darling

behind the wheel
of a racing car.

They try to shut you down?

To the point
it was downright humiliating.

'That's when
I went underground.'

That's why I was avoiding you,
uh..

I thought you being a cop that..

Well, maybe my folks were out
beating the bushes again.

And Randy Carnell..

...he's a friend, I guess.

Some friend? He's my sponsor.

I race for his chain
of auto supply stores.

God, every time I don't win,
he threatens to pull the plug.

'May we have the attention
please to Jon Baker?'

'Jon Baker, will you come
to the main office?'

'We have a telephone call
for you.'

They hung up on you?

Yeah, when I got to the office,
the phone was dead.

So whoever got tired of waiting
on the phone, hung up.

- Hey, good luck.
- Thank you.

Let them roll!

Let's go, Ponch!

Come on, Ponch.

- Get down off there, Billy.
Is something wrong?

Do as I told you.
Get down off there.

Get down off there
and get lost for a minute.

Alright, then.

Hey, what are you doing?

Jump for it.
You're booby-trapped.

Come on!

What do you mean, booby

I thought it was.

Hey, good thinking.
Thanks a lot, partner.

It's alright. Just hang on.

There's Bones.

Easy, man, please.

He tried to kill us.
You want him to get away?

Yeah, but I don't want you
to wreck my car.

- Aah!
- 'Man!'

Get an ambulance
right over there.

I thought you were okay.
What are you doing in this heap?

Hey, I got one question.
You got a can opener?

Come on.

I know a great body shop,
and in nothing flat

you'll have this disaster
looking like new.

Yeah, for an arm
and a leg, maybe.

A thousand bucks and a year and
a half of work down the drain.

Hey, look at it this way,
we got a big-time dope dealer

in the jail ward
at County General.

Plus the fact that your partner
may have saved my life.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Not to mention
that Jon saved your life.

Was the car worth it?

Well, uh, was it?

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.