CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 2, Episode 4 - Disaster Squad - full transcript

12, 7 Mary 4.

Would you repeat
on x-ray 38 David?

Did you say blue?

Blond, blue, in
a blue sports car.

Closing in on you, 10-20.

10-4, Mary 4. I think I see her.

Very nice.

Must be at least a
nine on the scale.

Correction. Make that a 9.5.

You're fired, that's
what! You're fired!

Yeah, how about it?



Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, how do you like it?

You can't fire me, I quit.

You hear that, Becker? Good.

I'm gonna sue you too.

For defamation of character.

How do you like that, huh?

It wasn't me ruined your
lousy old concrete mixer.

You did it yourself.

- You're a liar, Hilmer!
- Hah!

You let a machine full
of mix get hard, will you?

Well, you're fired!

You'll be sorry, Becker.

That's just the beginning. You
want to see wrecked equipment?

You got it.



Let's go. What are you
waiting for, Christmas?

Learn how to drive.

Fire me.

Attention all units.
Report of a reckless driver.

Red pickup, eastbound, Ventura
Freeway, near Topanga Canyon.

That's for us, good buddy.

Wrecked equipment, huh?
This is just the beginning.

Watch the road.

L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4
in pursuit of red pickup.

Eastbound, Ventura
Freeway, near De Soto.

Learn how to drive.

I'll show old fat-gut.
He can't fire me.

Stay away. Stay away from me.

You hear me? Stay away from me!

L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4,
we're at the scene of a rollover...

Look. Look, you
get away from me.

- You get away from me.
- Wait a minute. Step back, please.

- Step right back.
- That's right, tell him.

- It's all right, take it easy.
- I'm perfectly all right.

- That accident was not my fault, officer.
- Relax.

Please, I am relaxed.
Will you leave me alone?

Please leave me
alone. I'm perfectly okay.

- Take it easy, let me talk to you.
- Please, do me a favor.

Don't come near me. You
hear me? Don't come near me.

- Come on now, you're bleeding.
- Keep away, I mean it.

- Take it easy, now.
- I'm madder than a wet hornet.

Come on. Swing that tire iron.

Show them you mean business.

- Like this, you mean?
- That's it, perfect. Beautiful.

I'm gonna tell you once.
You stay out of this, all right?

Leave him alone. I
want Becker to see this.

I want him to be good and sorry.

You watching, Becker?

Look what you did to me.

How do you like
the pickup so far?

Nice, huh? You
ain't seen nothing yet.

Look what you did to me.

- You got it on television?
- Yes, yes. Louder.

Good. I want the
whole public to know.

I worked for this
man for 20 years.

And he fired me, just like that.

And it wasn't even my fault.

- Take it easy.
- The man's name is Becker. Gus Becker.

B-E-C-K-E-R.

He resides at 7600
Claybeck Avenue...

in the valley.

And he has a rotten rental-of-equipment
yard, so don't go there.

- Take it easy.
- Look, get away.

Leave me alone. - Come here.

- Let me talk to you.
- Look, I'm tired. I don't wanna talk to you.

I don't wanna talk to you.
Please, please leave me alone.

Please, no, no. Please.

Come any closer and I'll jump.

I'll jump and it'll all
be Becker's fault!

Look, if you jump it's
not gonna do any good.

Jump! Jump! Go ahead and jump!
- Jump!

Jump! Go ahead and jump!
- Go on! Jump!

Jump.

Knock it off! What are you
trying to do to the poor guy?

- Officer Poncherello?
- What is it?

Officer Poncherello,
is it police brutality?

Oh!

It's a crime to aid a suicide
and incite a crowd, you creep.

Now, you keep your mouth shut
or I'll have you in the slammer.

Now, you folks be quiet.

No, no, come on. Take it
easy. It's gonna be all right.

Come on over on this
side and we'll talk about it.

Let me get through. Let
me get through. Let me get...

Hey, hold it. What
are you to him?

Speak of the devil, there he is.

Welcome, Mr. Becker.

Who is he to you?

That's my
brother-in-law, the nut!

You've come to apologize.

Well, let's hear it.
On the 6:00 news.

Some nut double-parked one of my
cement mixers outside a cocktail lounge...

with a full load and let it get
hard. And I say it was him!

- And I say it was you.
- So I fired him.

- That's right.
- Listen, Hilmer.

I just thought it over. You
can have your job back.

But not if you jump. If
you jump, we're through!

I accept your offer.

Thank you, Gus.

Help me, will you?

And be careful, huh?

- It's okay.
- I don't know what came over me, officer.

- It's all right.
- I was so nervous.

You know what I
mean? I don't feel well.

Should I get a lawyer?
I ought to get a lawyer.

- Take it easy.
- Oh, what did I do?

- I could plead... I... I could plead insanity.
- Sir, listen, come on.

- What can I do? I'll... I'll plead...
- Here's what...

I don't want my sister
to know about this.

Easy, take it easy now.
We just gotta wait and see.

She's married to that guy.

- Oh. I feel...
- You take it easy...

What'll they do to me?
What do they do, officer?

There's a lot on the reports.
Now we're just gonna wait and see.

Come on, Hilmer. Come on.

I'm no good, Gus.

- Yeah, right.
- You should've let me jump.

Yeah, you're right, but you would
still owe me for a cement mixer.

I didn't wreck
the mixer, you did.

I was having a
drink at the time.

Wait a minute.

- I was with you.
- And?

- We were having a drink together.
- Mm.

Holy mackerel.

Then you're just
as guilty as I am.

Well, just for that,
Hilmer, I'll bail you out.

You're a good man, Gus.

You're my
brother-in-law, Hilmer.

This is gonna ruin
my car insurance.

Hi, Ponch.

Hi.

Hey, wait a minute, Francis
Poncherello. Come back here.

I give you "hi," and
you give me "hi"?

What kind of a "hi" is "hi"?

Uh...

That's a low "hi." Not to be confused
with aloha, which happens to be Hawaiian.

Come on, you guys.
Knock it off, okay?

- Bad day?
- It's that TV news crew.

Been giving us a hard time.

The disaster squad? Oh, come
on, don't let them bug you, Ponch.

Come on, let me see
that famous Ponch-o smile.

Come on. Come on.

- Ha-ha-ha.
- There. Now, that's more like it.

You aiming to steal
our wheels, kid?

Oh.

No. I don't gotta steal.
I got one exactly like it.

Do you have a little tricycle?

Not no tricycle. Motorcycle. And I
got my leathers, boots and gloves.

And your helmet.
Never forget your helmet.

Oh, I never forget my helmet.

- Well, that's good.
- Can I ride on your motorcycle?

I know how. Really.
Can I? Please?

Where's your helmet?

Home.

No helmet, no ride.

But if you take
me home, I'll get it.

Yeah, well, maybe
some other time.

But you gotta take me home.

- Oh, yeah? Why?
- I'm lost.

Thanks. You can go now.

But you gotta stay.

Chris.

Not again.

I'm sorry.

Second time this week he's
dragged home motorcyclists.

Can I show them, Mom?

Can I? Can I?

Would you have a couple minutes?

Yes, ma'am. Yeah, we do.

- Show them quickly, so they can leave.
- This way.

See what I mean?

- I told you it was no tricycle.
- Wow!

Hey, wow, this is really
terrific. Hey, Jon, look at this.

Yeah, that's exactly like ours.

Didn't I tell you?

His father bought it for him.

We're divorced.

Bill's a motorcycle nut too.

Oh, I'm sorry. With
you, it's your job.

But I think 4 years old is
too young for a motorcycle.

My daddy's in Saudi Arabia now.

My mom won't
let me ride it alone.

You are so right. Don't ever let
me catch you riding that alone.

I'm not alone now.

I'll be careful.

What's the backyard speed limit?

I guess we'll find
out in a minute, huh?

Something else, isn't he?

Listen, do you mind if I ask
you a personal question?

I don't know. Try me.

How long you been divorced?

Almost a year.

And you know
something? It's a drag.

Now, one word of caution.

You know it won't be just one
word, but it all adds up to one word.

Courtesy.

All right, all right. I know
you've heard it a million times...

but let me caution you again.

No matter how much lip
they give you out there, smile.

Until it makes you teeth ache.

- Okay? Any questions?
- Sergeant.

- What about this disaster-squad news team?
- What about them?

Every time there's a fire,
anything, they're there.

I mean, sometimes
before we even get there.

So they're quick. Maybe you
two guys should take a lesson.

Wait a minute,
I'm really serious.

Especially about this Lee Wrightwood,
the guy that heads the operation.

With them and their cameras,
we can't do our duty by the book.

"By the book," Frank?
In your case, since when?

Okay, from now on, I
don't go by the book.

You hear that? What do you
think of that? What do you think?

You know, I was thinking
that Chris' mother isn't half bad.

- In fact, I was thinking that...
- I think she's terrific.

- You think so too?
- No. I mean, yes.

I mean for you. I'm
thinking for you. Not for me.

She's great for you, you know?

Well, I was thinking this
Sunday, you got any plans?

You want me to do
you a favor, right?

Well, I'd like to take Ellen on a
picnic and you can come along.

Yeah, why?

Well, you like to ride
motorcycles on your days off, so...

And little Chris likes
to ride motorcycles.

Yeah.

So I could babysit while
you do your thing, right?

Yeah.

I'm going to the
baseball game Sunday.

Since when?

Since now. Why should I
waste a Sunday on you?

Hey, it wouldn't be wasted.

Think of Chris and
how happy he'd be.

I'm thinking of
popcorn and hot dogs...

and my girl cuddled up
next to me at a ball game.

15, 7 Mary 3 and 4, Los Angeles.

We have a report of a wrong-way
driver, westbound, Ventura Freeway...

traveling in the
eastbound lanes.

One occupant in a
1975 green Ford pickup.

7 David is standing by...

east of the Coldwater Canyon
Road on-ramp at a roadblock.

So, what are we waiting for?

- Let's go.
- Hmm.

Here he comes.

Yeah, and he's not
coming any closer.

Hey, he's not coming toward
us, he's driving in reverse.

7 David, this is 7 Mary 3.

Send those tow trucks
first, then release traffic.

10-4, Mary 3.

- You okay?
- Yeah. What the heck happened?

We'll take care of it. You just
stay on the shoulder, all right?

Get to the shoulder,
I'll be right back.

I wasn't speeding, honest.

Yes, sir, I know. May I see
your driver's license, please?

- Okay, I'm all ready.
- I think we've got a good story.

- Thank you. LEE: I
say, what's the gimmick?

Are you trying to win a bet?

No gimmick. Just best man
at a wedding and I'm late.

Pickup wouldn't
shift into forward, so...

So now you're late and the...

These California Highway Patrols
making you even later, is that right?

Listen, sir, you're interfering.
Now, would you step back, please?

Maybe the CHP
doesn't like minorities...

in blue tuxes.

Pardon me, officer.

Maybe blue on yellow turns
them green. What do you think, sir?

Sir. Sir, if you don't
mind, we'll handle this.

Excuse me.

There you go. You wanna
sign right there, please?

Excuse me again. What is the exact
charge? If I'm not being too out of line.

Operating a vehicle with improper stoplights
on the rear, not counting the headlights.

Now, your equipment is contributing to
congestion. Would you move out, please?

Well, I'll think about that.

Hey, mister. He said move out.

- Now.
- Oh, I didn't understand that.

- Okay, officer.
- Okay.

- Now what are you doing?
- Just shut up. Shut up. Film it.

- Hi, guys.
- Sindy.

Wanna meet my new boyfriend?

Lost again, huh?

He says you are the only
ones who knows where he lives.

Yup. I guess we are.

Well, here's to whatever makes
you happy and more picnics.

That was great. How about
signing up with the CHiPs, huh?

Yeah, we could be partners.

Okay, partner.

Listen, I'd like to see you again
this week. If you don't mind.

I don't mind. I'd like that.

Okay. Dinner, dancing, movies,
or any combination. You name it.

I'll leave that up to you.

Mom!

Mom! Mom!

They're gonna have a
race and I can be in it.

They asked me, really.

I told him he'd have
to get your okay.

What do you think?
Is it dangerous?

He's a good rider.
He's real good.

The other kids are a little older,
but... Well, I think he could even win.

Please, Mama? Please, please?

Here we are for another
nice afternoon of racing.

We've got a lot of fine riders
down here in the peewee class.

These kids come from all
over the valley to compete.

And today we've got 10 of our
top youngsters battling it out.

We seem to have a late
entry, ladies and gentlemen.

Chris Roberts. He's
approaching the line now.

And I understand he's never
competed in a race before.

So good luck, Chris.

Okay, we're almost ready,
folks. They're in the gate.

- Come up a bit. Come up a little bit.
- When that bar goes down, we'll start.

- These kids are raring to go.
- Parents, get back, please. Get back.

They're off. It's a fair start.

With number 24, Peter
Twillis, jumping out in front.

Followed closely by number 23, Bobby
Bilford, and our new rider, Chris Roberts.

Now Bilford is shooting to the
top, with Roberts right behind him.

That's Bobby in the red jersey
and Chris in blue and yellow.

They've passed our early leader
and are pulling away from the pack.

These youngsters are
really tearing up this track.

Chris is making a bid to pass. But Bobby
is doing quite a job of holding him off.

These two boys
have a solid lead.

Now Roberts is making a move. He's really
throwing it on. He's going to pass Bilford.

- Come on, little chipmunk.
- Go, go, go.

He's going to pass Chris
and show him who's boss.

Look at those two
jockeying for the lead.

Bobby Bilford's holding on.

But young Chris Roberts is riding
his first race like he wants to win it.

Chris is moving up,
right on Bobby's tail.

Lean in there.

What a race we've got here, folks.
Roberts is really turning it on now.

Can he pass Bobby?

There he goes. Roberts has taken
the lead with a few hundred yards to go.

He might do it, folks.
Roberts can win this race.

- All right.
- Now Bobby's shifting to the outside.

He's trying to pass Roberts just
before the finish line. What's he up to?

Looks like
Bilford's trying to...

He's down. Roberts is down.

That may have been a
foul, ladies and gentlemen.

But I don't see any
sign from our judges.

It looks like Chris
Roberts is okay.

You okay?

- Yeah, I'm okay.
- He's fine. Not a scratch.

Can't hurt a tough kid like
my Chipper, here. Right?

I'm gonna punch that guy in the
nose when he gets off his bike.

Hey, hey, hey. What
kind of talk is that?

I'm gonna hit him in the belly and
the nose and I'm gonna beat him up.

- That's what I'm gonna do.
- Hey, now hold it.

That's no way to
settle an argument.

You don't go around punching
people ever. You hear me?

A fistfight never proved nothing
except you're dumb, you know that?

Now, I'm ashamed of you. For saying you
wanna fight and your losing your temper.

Well, I don't think you're
ready to be my partner.

Let's hear it for Chris Roberts.

- Ponch?
- Yes.

I'm sorry. I don't wanna be
dumb. I won't fight no more.

Okay, partner. Shake.

Hey, up ahead. See what I see?

Now what are you up to?

Don't worry.

I just wanna check and
see if they need any help.

- You know me.
- Yeah, I know you.

Any trouble?

- Come in, come in.
- I'm in.

Yes, I see. With
your reserves in tow.

- What is your beef?
- No beef, except...

Anything wrong with your van?

- You need a tow truck?
- No.

Then you know this area is
for emergency parking only.

It's illegal stopping when
there's no emergency.

- Our radiator's overheated.
- Why isn't your hood up?

I thought it was. I told
you to put the hood up.

We'll remedy that for you, officer.
Right away. Excuse me, please.

It's not overheated.

I say it is.

Or it was.

Listen to me,
Officer Poncherello.

I have two witnesses, and I have
very powerful friends downtown.

Now, you start harassing me,
and I'll have your fancy badge.

Hey, mister. If the likes of you can
take my badge, I don't deserve to wear it.

Ah. We're not gonna cite you
this time. But if you're smart...

you won't park in emergency
parking unless you have an emergency.

Yes, that's good advice, Officer
Baker. That is very good advice.

That Poncherello needs to be
taught a lesson he won't forget.

And we're gonna have
to find a way to teach him.

Not we, Lee, you
speak for yourself.

I speak for my crew. You
don't like it, you get out.

Yesterday, a
disgruntled employee...

fired by a construction
tool rental company...

staged a one-man demolition
derby on the Ventura Freeway...

leaving a 10-mile trail of
battered cars behind him.

The man, Hilmer Nelson,
age 43, from Sherman Oaks...

surrendered to California
Highway Patrol officers...

after threatening to jump from
an overpass to the freeway below.

Adding to the chaos
was an apparent scuffle...

between a California Highway
Patrol officer, Francis Poncherello...

- and the member of a camera crew.
- They're talking about Ponch on TV.

I'll slam you in
the mouth, creep.

"I'll slam you in the mouth"?
That's pretty tough language.

Mom...

why did Ponch punch that man
when he told me it was wrong to fight?

I'm sure he had a very good
reason for doing what he did.

But he said never,
ever, ever fight.

Chris?

Chris.

It's the truth, sarge.
It never happened.

I didn't knock him down.
I was picking him up.

You mean, what everyone
saw on television...

is just the opposite of
what actually happened?

That's right. They must
have ran the film backwards.

Ran the film backwards?

Yeah. Backwards.

Well, what about the
dialogue? When you said:

"I'll slam you in the
mouth, creep." Backwards?

No, doctored. They
edited whatever I said.

Which had to do with
his criminal behavior.

Like, "Shut your mouth or
you're going to the slammer."

- You creep?
- Okay, okay. I might have said that too.

But, sarge, if you analyze it... If
you think about what I really said.

They could cut the tape and splice it
together. They made it sound like I said:

"I'll punch you in the mouth, I'll
slam you in the mouth." Can't you see?

Poncherello. Ever since
you joined the department...

I must admit you've come up with
some pretty tall tales to explain your...

indiscretions,
shall we call them?

But this, this has to be the
tallest, most far-fetched...

outrageous, ridiculous...

- Shall I go on?
- No.

But you know, the
funny part is I believe you.

Yeah, but before you get your
hopes up, it's gonna be tough...

to convince the powers-that-be
to believe. Even you can see that.

- Cahill, we're in a meeting.
- Sorry.

You've got an emergency phone
call. Line one, Jon. It's Chris' mom.

- You can take here. Switch it in here, Cahill.
- Will do.

Hello.

He was eating his breakfast.

The TV was on. He saw
Ponch hit that TV newsman.

It's Ellen. Chris ran away.

Ellen, just a minute.

Listen, as soon as we find Chris,
we'll explain what happened. Okay.

The kid saw me hit el creepo.
Or thinks he did. Is that it?

Yeah, that's right. Listen, you've
met the boy. Put out a broadcast?

- Right.
- Who's Chris?

Anyone got any idea
where he might have gone?

His mother mentioned where he and his
dad used to ride bikes. Come on, Ponch.

- Sarge, am I through?
- Yeah. But who's Chris?

I'll tell you later,
sarge. Please?

L.A., 7 David. I've
spotted the runaway boy.

Request you notify
7 Mary 3 and 4.

7 Mary 3 and 4, Los Angeles.

7 David has spotted the runaway
boy. Request you switch to channel two.

He's just entered the
flood-control channel.

10-4, 7 David. ETA one minute.

He's on the levee on the
west side of the channel.

Reach out, Chris, reach out.

Reach out.

Reach out.

Hang on, Chris.

Hey, Ponch.

We'll get you. Come on.

Thanks, partner.

I was starting to get worried.

It's all over, Chris.
You're gonna be okay.

We in time?

What's your name? What
happened? How'd you fall in?

Come on, kid, start talking,
huh? We're wasting tape.

Just get back, will you?

I said now.

Hey, paramedic. You
wanna take the boy, please?

Come on, kid. Wanna be
on television? Start talking.

No, I don't wanna
be on television.

Come on, Chris. You
wanna take the boy?

Come on, son.
You'll be all right.

Listen, mister. I'm about ready to
do something I've never done before.

Throw your tape straight
ahead on this way.

Hey. Get this. Get this. He's
gonna hit me. Ladies and ge...

Come on, Lee. Lay off. Haven't
you done enough already?

Don't you talk to me like that. I'm
the boss here, you just roll that camera.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

Officer Baker, you wanna
give me a hand here?

Nothing to it. Just look in that
eyepiece and hit the switch.

Whatever you do,
don't miss this action.

What are you, crazy?
You must be nuts.

All right, Lee. Now, you talk.

Tell them how you framed Officer
Poncherello there by faking those tapes.

- I'll see to it you never work again.
- Talk, Lee.

- I've taken all I'm gonna take from you.
- Ditto.

- Now, tell.
- You're a lunatic.

Oh!

Speak, Lee.

You wanna be on
television? Say something.

Okay. Okay.

All right, I admit it.

I faked the tape.

You're the victim of
assault and battery.

Do you wanna press charges?

Ciao.

You repeat after me.
And this is a solemn oath.

Yes, sir.

Okay.

I, Chris Roberts...

I, Chris Roberts...

do solemnly swear
never to ride my bike...

do solely... Solely...

Solemnly.

Sol... Yes. Swear
never to ride my bike...

unless a grownup is with me.

Unless a grownup is with me.

You know what that means?

If you ever, ever, ever ride your
bike when you're not supposed to...

that's the end. No
more motorcycles ever.

- Comprende, amigo?
- Comprende.

Okay.

Let's go. Come on.

There. Feel better?

- Jon?
- Yeah.

There's something
I have to tell you.

Bill, my ex-husband...

- he wrote to me last week.
- Uh-huh.

- To tell me he wants to get married again.
- Did he meet somebody overseas?

- No.
- He-hey.

To me.

He wants to marry me again.

Can you imagine?

Listen, I can imagine...

but I can't imagine why he
divorced you in the first place.

You know, it sure
would be nice...

if Chris had somebody around so
he could ride his bike more often.

Yes, it would.

So you gonna marry him again?

No.