CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 1, Episode 7 - Taking Its Toll - full transcript

[instrumental music]

[Baker]
'You know, it was
nice of Getraer'

'to give us this coast beat.'

[Ponch]
'Yeah, I guess there
is a heart of silk'

'underneath
that layer of granite.'

Just think, fresh air,
clear skies, blue water

'and our motors, of course.'

You know, Ponch, the best
things in life are free.

Free? It costs 25 cents
to cross this bridge.

That's highway robbery.

[instrumental music]



Right on time, Gary.
Right on time.

[tires screeching]

What are you do..
What are you doing?

What does it look
like I'm doing, pal?

Let's get out of here.

Somebody help me!
They robbed me.

[tires screeching]

Help me! They robbed me!

Can you call
the cops or something?

I can't.
There isn't a phone.

What do we got going?

Alright!

I wonder what happened.

I think I'll go
check out Andretti.



[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

There were two of them,
they over there in the car--

- Here's the keys.
- Great.

They just attacked
the poor man over there.

They were sitting over
there for about 10 minutes.

No, it was more like 15.

- One of them had blond hair.
- They both have blond hair.

- They jumped out of nowhere.
- The car was green.

And they just grabbed
these two cases--

Alright! Enough. Please.

I'll just talk to the victim.

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

You wanna tell me what
happened here, please.

What happened? They robbed me.
That's what happened.

Took over $100,000 worth
of precious stones.

You mean, the sports car?

Yeah, some guy jumps
in the car

pushes me in the face.

Good, then you
could probably identify

him if you saw him again.

No.

[horn honking]

Ladies...

Ladies, would you mind getting
back in the booths

so we can get
the traffic flowing, please?

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

- What about me?
- Uh...

The Sheriff's Department will
probably wanna talk to you.

Uh, they'll be here shortly.

Uh..

Could you move the car over
to the side of the road, please?

Thanks a lot.

Thank you, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Um, that'll be 25 cents, please.

Hey, I tell you that guy
must have trained at Daytona.

Looked more like
Grand Prix to me.

I ran the plates
and they're hot.

- LASOs been advised.
- Alright.

Here he comes now.

Thanks, guys.

Uh, we've got a
broadcast out.

'And here's the victim's
and witness information'

'and where you could reach us.'

Yeah, we got some units
looking after the suspects.

Thanks again, guys.

Man, do you believe that?

That dude got hit for $100,000
of precious stones.

Whoo! Hey, uh, we're supposed
to be at PM briefing, uh..

You think you got enough
tread left to make it?

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

We better get moving.

Last thing I wanna do is to be
late for another briefing.

- Hey, come on, will ya?
- What?

You don't have to write
your report out here.

Oh, uh, oh, yeah, yeah.

It's that time
of year, fellas.

Uh, the fire conditions
are extremely hazardous.

'Hi, guys.'

Oh, hi, sarge.
Uh, sorry we're late.

It was for
a good cause, a 211.

[Getraer]
'Well, we'll talk about it.'

Now, would you
care to have a seat

or are you gonna
wait for an usher?

'Now, as I was saying'

'the fire conditions
are extremely hazardous.'

'Particularly, on the
Golden State near Newhall.'

And that stretch
along the San Diego Freeway

north of the Sepulveda Pass.

'So keep an eye out
for any smoldering underbrush'

'and don't be afraid
to stop anybody'

'who, uh, discards
a lit cigarette.'

Now, from the
Sheriff's Department, uh

There was a robbery
at the St. Vincent Thomas Bridge

tollbooths down in San Vista.

A civilian jewelry
dealer was ripped off.

Uh, Baker and Poncherello
were 10-97 location

'just after
the bandits made off'

'with over $100,000
worth of jewels.'

Uh, there were two men
using a fast sports car

identified as a Jaguar.

'Uh, Baker gave pursuit'

'but they managed to slip away
down in the Marina Area.'

Uh, turned out
the car was stolen.

Baker, you don't have to take
this down, you were there.

Baker?

Oh, uh, yeah, I was just, uh..

So I don't forget it, sarge.

'Alright, men,
fasten your seat belts'

and, uh, drive safely.

Come on, let's go.

Yeah, just a minute.

Hey, what's with
all the writing?

Uh, just catching up
on my mail, alright?

What, your usual stack
of, uh, Dear John letters, huh?

[Woman on radio]
'Attention, South End Harbor
units, you have an 11-82 PCH'

'at Palos Verdes Boulevard
involving a produce truck.'

Hey, that's us.
Let's hit it. Come on.

Hey, uh, Fritz, tell dispatch
we're on our way, alright?

Alright.

[instrumental music]

[Baker]
'Okay, I'll be with you
in just a minute.'

[Baker]
'Just hang on there,
I'll be right with you.'

You okay?

I don't know.

[Ponch]
'Are you hurt?'

I don't know.

Do you know
what happened here?

Well..

I was having a good ride,
and-and..

And I guess I had
a blowout or somethin'

'cause next thing I know

'I'm wrestling with
the steering wheel and..'

'And doing a 180, and..'

I mean, it was a bum trip,
I mean, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah,
I really feel for you.

Had a few myself.

Uh, you think you can
make it out of the cab?

Yeah, I think so.

Alright.
I'll help you out.

[Baker]
'That's it.
Come on, keep it moving.'

'Keep this lane clear.'

[Ponch]
'Come on, this way.'

There's my problem.

Whew, that's a lot of onions.

About 3000 pounds of 'em.

Ah.

Is he okay?
Yeah, he's fine.

Hey, don't take it
so hard, Jon.

You know there's worse duty
than this, you know.

'You could have Getraer
for a partner.'

No, no.

Kid couldn't make it
without you, Ponch.

Yeah, I know how you feel.

And I want you to know
that you're the best partner

a buddy could ask for.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Okay, hold up there.

There we go.

Ah, what's the, uh,
story here, guys?

It's a sad one, sarge.

Onions.

Yeah, nice,
fresh yellow ones.

Yeah, well, uh, let's make sure
it has a happy ending, huh?

Hey, no problem, sarge.

I'll get the truck moving.

You're always
thinking, Frank.

Argh.

Boy, did you call Caltrans?

Yeah, Fritz and, uh...

[sniffs]

...Baricza,
they're on their way.

Hold it there!

Good.

Could I.. Do you have
a handkerchief, huh?

Huh? Yeah.

Uh, no,
that's alright.

Oh, sorry.

Sir?

We got to get your truck
off the road.

I'll stop traffic
and tell you what to do, okay?

Okay.

[woman on radio]
'15-1, Mary 1'

'11-24, number one lane'

'northbound Pasadena Freeway,
south of--'

Alright, now.
Back it up a little. Come on.

No, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

That's not gonna work.

Take it forward
now, okay? Slow.

Hey, wait, wait!
Wait a minute. Hey, stop!

'Wait a minute!
What are you doing?'

[Ponch]
Stop! Hey, mister, stop it!

[comical music]

[chuckles]

[both laughing]

[laughing]

Ponch did say slow.

[instrumental music]

[Baker]
'H-hey, come on.
Stay downwind of me.'

Hey, what happened
to all that buddy-buddy stuff?

Yeah, that was before
you got sprayed.

Okay, be that way.

I'll get a job
in a French restaurant.

Uh-oh.

Hey, that was Mrs. Downey's
car, wasn't it?

Yeah.
Every shiny inch.

Come on, I wanna get
this stuff off, huh?

I wanna change. Let's go.

Okay.

- And, uh, take a shower?
- Eh.

- Uh, pay attention, please.
- Yes, ma'am.

You see,
I haven't got all day.

I can't stay here.
Yes, ma'am.

Oh!

There you are.

And it's about time
you got here.

You bet. How's it doin',
Mrs. Downey?

Do you know, I've been waiting
for you for over an hour?

- Yes, I want you to fix this.
- Oh, well..

Excuse me a minute, Barkley.

Mrs. Downey, if I talk
you over here a minute.

- Yes, I want you to fix it.
- Listen, wait a minute. Fix it?

Yes, just fix it.

You're to pay off some turkey

so it won't show up
on my good driving record.

Oh, Mrs. Downey,
wait a minute.

I mean, my partner
and I-I mean--

It's that terrible
Officer Poncha-rib

or something like that.

- Yeah, yeah. He did that.
- Listen, look at that.

This is nothing more
than a parking ticket.

A $2 parking ticket

and if you just take it
down there, they would--

Yeah. The money
isn't the point.

I'm a law-abiding citizen.

I didn't mean to insult
you about money.

It's just that, see,
this is not our department.

This is LAPD.
The police department.

We're California Highway Patrol.
Remember, the off-ramp?

You're all friends.
You're all in cahoots.

Sure, we are,
we're all in cahoots--

'Yes, I-I,
I thought so.'

Well, we're not in cahoots.

Oh, if my third husband
were alive today,

I wouldn't be here now.

You see, he used to get
things fixed lickety-split

'just like that.'

Wait a minute. You know
what, you're exactly right.

I'll take care
of this for you, Mrs. Downey.

I'll get it taken
care of right away.

That's better.

I knew you'd do
the right thing.

You see, you're a good flatfoot.

Sure.

Flatfoot?

Now, come with me, come along.

No nonsense.
Come along. Hurry up.

We better get busy. Come along
now. Come along. Don't argue.

There, that's fine.
Alright.

There's the door now.
One more step.

One more step.
That's about it.

- There we go.
- There we are. Okay.

'Now, drive carefully,
Mrs. Downey.'

Oh, there's no reason
to bother about me.

I've been driving for 70
years without a scratch.

Yeah, I could tell
by the, uh..

By the car,
it's such a nice car.

Now, scoot on in.

Oh, it's a beauty

- And I drive it so carefully.
- Yeah.

Have a cookie.
Hot. They're fresh.

Oh, well, thank you.

Hold this for a minute,
and I'll get one.

There. Thank you.

[chuckles]

Oh, hey. My favorite,
chocolate chip.

Oh, really. And you're CHP.

Yeah.
Have a chippie, Chippie.

[both laughing]

You dig it?

Oh, yeah, I dig it.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

[singing in Spanish]

[chuckles]

There. I'm good as new.

Hey, what's that?

Oh, that's a park
for Mrs. Downey.

She asked me
if I'd take care of it.

- Well, are you?
- Sure.

Well, I'm gonna pay for it.
I mean, that's better

than trying to explain
to her why she should, right?

Besides, uh,
she makes good cookies.

Hey, that's good.

Well, we all got our price.

Uh-huh.

Hey, what's with these books?

- Are you collecting them?
- No.

Then, what are
you doing with them?

Let me see!

Come on, hey,
people do read, okay?

Hey, "Blue Knight,"
"The New Centurions."

The Joseph Wambaugh fan, huh?

That's right,
he's a terrific writer, okay?

Hey, what's the matter?

Don't you get enough cops
and robbers all day long?

Ponch, come on, he's a cop.
He's one of us, okay?

I mean, here's a guy,
in his own spare time

he's writing about
his personal experiences.

'Things that
have happened to him'

'things he's seen,
people he's worked with..'

Ponch, this is what a cop is,
from the gut level, okay?

The gut level.

Besides, he became famous
and he's rich.

Well, I'll wait for
the movie to come out.

You sound like his agent.

The movie? They're
making movies on the thing.

I mean, they're playing
right now, Downtown--

Then, I'll wait
till it comes on television.

If my set ever
gets fixed. Oh, hey..

Uh, hey, Jon.

You think I could come over and
bring my TV sets so that--

Oh, yeah, sure, Ponch,
just bring it by anytime.

We'll check out the tubes
and everything, okay?

Okay, will do.

Okay, anytime.

Okay, ma'am, the tow truck
will be here in just a minute.

Hey, Jon.

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[instrumental music]

[horn honking]

[tires screeching]

[horn honking]

[tires screeching]

LA 15-7,
Mary 3 and 4.

We have a multiple southbound
Hollywood and Belmont.

'Request assistance
and an ambulance.'

I'll check over here.

- Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.

- Everybody okay over here?
- Yeah, everybody's okay.

I want you to step off the
freeway here on the shoulder.

Okay, thank you.
Please walk down the freeway.

And stay on the left
to the shoulder.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm alright.

This guy here,
he cut into my lane.

Walk down the shoulder of the
freeway. Stay on the shoulder.

Hey, hey! Please help!
Get me out of here.

- Try the window.
- I did.

They're broken. No power.
Now, get me out of here.

Try and calm yourself. We'll
have you out of here right away.

- Just hang on a minute.
- No, no, I can't.

Now, get me out of here.

Come on, come on.
Come on.

Come on.

Hey, Barry, you wanna
take this traffic control?

I'll check out
with Ponch, alright?

Alright. Got it.
Let's go.

Hey, mister, don't panic.
We'll have you out in a minute.

I told you I can't wait,
don't you understand?

- Why not?
- There's a bomb in my car.

- What?
- A bomb!

- You're kidding!
- No, I ain't!

[dramatic music]

He ain't.

Okay, slide over
and cover your eyes, alright?

Okay, come on,
get out of there.

[Baker]
'Hurry up!'

We got to find out why
you're chauffeuring a bomb.

Okay.

- You got him, Ponch?
- Yeah.

Alright.

Now, put your left
hand on your head.

What do you mean, a bomb?
What kind?

I ain't talking.

Is it timed?

When will it go off?

I ain't talking.

[Baricza]
'Let's go nice
and easy now. Let's go.'

- Hey, Barry.
- Shain, come here a minute.

Listen, we've got a little
problem.

We've got a bomb in that limo.

Well, we've gotta
stop this traffic.

Why don't we detour
them off the off-ramp?

Hold it up, right there.

LA 15-7, Mary 3, Code 33.
We have a bomb on the freeway.

Folks, will you please move down
the shoulder of the freeway.

Further down here, please.

[woman on radio]
'7 Mary 3, what's your 10-20?'

We're 10-97 southbound
Hollywood Freeway at Belmont.

The freeway is blocked.

Notify Sheriff's Department,
uh, bomb squad and S4.

[instrumental music]

[groaning]

[grunts]

Help me. So..

[groans]

S-some-somebody,
hel-help me!

Somebody, help me, please!

'Somebody, help me.'

Please. Please.

Help me, p-please.

Try to calm yourself.
Help's on its way.

Come on, Baker,
let's pull him out.

Ooh. Just wait. Easy.

- Here we go.
- Okay, ready?

Oh, no!
Wait, wait, please, wait.

[Ponch]
'Alright, stay calm.'

No way we're gonna
get him out of there.

'It's just locked in too tight.'

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

Hey, listen, uh.
Try and stay calm, okay?

We're gonna have you out of here
in no time. Help's already here.

- What's it look like?
- Got a bomb in the back seat.

and a victim's pinned
on the other side of my partner.

[male #1]
'Alright, we're gonna
have to make a hand entry'

'into the device.'

Hey, how you doing?

I've seen better days.

Listen, um..

We're gonna have you
out of here in a flash

'so just hang in, okay?'

I guess I could fit
that on my schedule.

Besides...

I don't think I'm going
anywhere with that.

Yeah, I guess, uh

it does have a scratch
or two, doesn't it?

[grunting]

[groaning]

Easy, easy. Take it easy.

Hey, what's going on?

Uh, it's nothing
to worry about.

- Who else you tryin' to kid?
- Hey, listen.

I know a bomb squad
when I see one.

It's just a precautionary
measure, alright?

Why don't you step back there
with the rest of the people?

Thank you.

[instrumental music]

What's going on over there?

Oh, they're just trying
to move the car.

No, they're not.
They're wearing asbestos.

You don't need that
to move a car.

Hey, hey, try to
calm yourself, okay?

It's gonna be alright.

[instrumental music]

I sure hope
they defuse that baby.

Yeah, me too.

I know what's wrong.

- There's nothing wrong.
- Asbestos.

That means fire or bomb.

And I-I don't smell any smoke.

It's a bomb, isn't it?

Hey, take it easy, take it easy.

Don't move.
You'll just hurt yourself.

[panting]

[dramatic music]

[ticking]

Just tell me, will you? There's
a bomb in this car, isn't there?

Listen to me. Listen to me.

There was a bomb,
but it's gone now.

Are we safe?

Yeah, we're safe.

And you-you stayed with me.

Even though that thing
could've gone off any minute.

Well, hey, you fit me
into your schedule.

It was the least
I could do.

Thanks.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell buzzing]

[Baker]
'Who's there?'

It's me, Ponch.
I brought my TV set over.

'Okay, yeah, well,
hang on a minute.'

You've got company, huh?

'Uh, yeah, yeah,
I got company.'

Sounds like a..

...secretary.

Hey, Ponch, wait
a minute, wait a minute, listen.

I'll fix your
TV for you, okay?

But it's gonna take
a while, so why don't you leave?

Hey, come on.
I missed the game tonight.

It'll probably just take
you a few minutes, Jon.

[sighs]
Yeah, okay.

I'll put it on the counter
here and check it out, alright?

You know, I really
like this place, Jon.

You know, you know how to live.

Turnstile in the kitchen,
I like that.

'And this pay phone,
I think that's great.'

Ah, I just think
it's your reset button, Ponch.

A saddle, a lasso. Whoo!

A stereo, books, typewriter.

Hey, Jon, what do you got?
A secretary in there, huh?

Bulletin board?
Bulletin board?

Uh, hey, Ponch,
wait a minute.

- Hey, what's this stuff?
- Just a minute, okay?

Wait a minute. Look at me, would
you? This is private, okay?

Now, I'll let you read it
when I'm finished.

"Ponch falls in glue."

'"Ponch loses motorcycle."'

'"Ponch burns
hole in pants."'

[Baker]
'Uh, yeah.'

"Ponch falls in the mud?"

- Uh..
- Hey, you're writing a book!

- Don't get excited. I can--
- You're writing about me!

How could you do
this to me, Jon?

- Ponch, don't worry, okay?
- Don't worry?

What do you mean, don't worry?

What Getraer doesn't
have in my jacket

you got on that
board right there!

You're putting nails
in my coffin, partner.

Ponch, relax, don't worry.

Now, look it. I didn't even
use your name. Look.

- "Frank Ponchiriblo?"
- 'Kinda catchy, huh?'

I didn't really think
of it. It was Mrs. Downey.

Remember, the lady with cookies?

Yeah, that's great, I just
hope you know how to spell it

when you put it on my tombstone.

Come on, Ponch.
You're gonna like it, okay?

Baloney.

Jon, think of the probation,
the unemployment.

Hey, how about fame
and fortune, I'm..

Hey, what's Getraer
doing on there?

[Ponch]
'I don't know.
Let's listen.'

The Tollbooth Bandits,
as they refer to them

have struck again.

'The latest robbery
took place'

'at the Trestle Bridge
down the Marina Area'

'except this time was
a little more intricate.'

Uh, it started at
the First Securities Bank

'where the suspects
staked out their victim.'

'A, um, bonded-money courier,
who was picking up $50,000.'

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

[Getraer]
'...disappeared quickly
in a stolen sports car.'

But you can rest assure

that we have every
available man alerted

to keep an eye out
for these suspects.

[male #1]
'Well, thank you very much.'

Sergeant Joseph Getraer from
the Central Los Angeles office

of the California
Highway Patrol.

[Baker]
'You know those
dudes are relentless.'

Yeah, righteous bandits
who deserve a righteous bust.

That's pretty good, Ponch.
righteous bandits.

Listen, uh, you better get going
or you'll miss the game.

Hey, Jon,
this book of yours

this isn't such
a hot idea, you know?

Hey, come on on, Ponch,
you're gonna love it.

I'll tell you what, come out
to Diamond Lane tomorrow

half-hour earlier,
and I'll let you read

some of my stuff, okay?

Okay, I guess
that couldn't hurt.

But remember,
my career's on the line.

- Hey, Ponch.
- What?

Oh..

Thanks.

Enjoy the game, alright?

"Francis Ponchiriblo."

[instrumental music]

[Baker]
'"The sleek black
limousine sped by us'

"as if attempting to break--"

Hey, you listening?

[Ponch]
Yeah, yeah.

[Baker]
"To break the sound barrier

"when my partner,
Francis Ponchiriblo, uh

"heroically took off
in hot pursuit."

Heroically?

Yeah, yeah,
you're right.

I guess I was heroic.

Right.

"And with the bomb in the limo
ticking away precious seconds.."

Tick, tick, tick.

"...my partner risked
his young life

"by fearlessly protecting

"and comforting
an innocent victim."

[sighs]

The public's gonna
read that about me?

You know, they might even ask
for autographs and pictures.

'Yeah, yeah,
it could be, Ponch.'

'Now, here,
get this one, okay?'

When suddenly, my partner,
Francis Ponchiriblo..

...like a Ro..

Like a Roman soldier

'gunned his mighty
two-wheeled stallion.'

Roman soldier.

Whoo! I like that.

Yeah. And listen to this,
I knew you would.

And as he's coming
down the runway, he..

We got one, Ponch.

[instrumental music]

He gunned his mighty
two-wheeled stallion.

[engines revving]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Wambaugh, looks
like three people to me.

I don't think so, Ponch.

[music continues]

Nice try.

What do you mean,
"nice try?"

You can't drive
in the Diamond Lane

unless you have two
or more passengers.

If you'll excuse me,
I do have two passengers.

'Where does it say that
Zorro is not a passenger?'

Hey, wait a minute.

I mean, humans
are passengers, right?

Not dogs.

Well, I consider him
to be human.

And you better
watch yourself, officer.

'Zorro doesn't like
being called a dog.'

Oh.

May I see your driver's license
and registration, please?

Believe me,
you're wasting your time

if you think I'm gonna pay this,
I'll have you spending

'half of your life in court.'

That's your privilege, sir.

Uh, I'll get that for you, sir.

Hey, Ponch.

Mind stepping out
of the vehicle, please?

That stuff is none
of your business.

[Ponch]
'To the rear, please.'

Whoo!

Get a load
of that luggage.

I'm telling you, this stuff
is none of your business.

Maybe, but you mind telling
us what your business is?

Appliances.

Yeah?

- New appliances?
- Yeah.

Well, then how come
there's crumbs in the toaster?

We deal in, uh,
used appliances also.

Oh, yeah? Got any receipts
for any of this stuff?

Not on me.

Where's your store?

In Bakersfield.

'Oh, yeah, Bakersfield?
Hey, that's where I'm from.'

Up by the Stockyards
when you come down--

Actually, uh,
it's not in Bakersfield.

Closer to Lancaster.

Yeah, that's right,
Lancaster, yeah.

[Ponch]
'Well, isn't that funny?'

I'm from Lancaster.

Born and raised there.

- You were?
- Yeah, kind of a small town.

- You know everybody.
- You do?

Yeah. But I don't remember you.

Well, the town is-is
not really Lan--

Listen, now, buddy, I think
you ran out of cities.

Now why don't you
give me your driver's license

and registration okay?

[dramatic music]

Thanks a lot.

Hey, here comes
your ride.

Jon, do you think you can write
us so that I saw the dog first?

I mean, I think it
will read better in the book.

Book? What book?

Oh, Jon's writing a book.

About us, our day-to-day
experiences on the road.

Is that true, Jon?

Uh, yeah, sarge.

I'm not too far along,
but I got, uh..

Wait, you know,
you can't just write a book

about the department
without asking questions.

What do you mean?

First of all, it's gotta
go to the captain.

Then the division commander,
the assistant commissioner.

The, uh, commissioner.
Get approved.

'Then all the facts
have to be cleared'

'with our legal department
up in Sacramento.'

Then, of course, everything
has to be done in triplicate.

Triplicate?
Why all the red tape?

Well, the department's
very sensitive about lawsuits.

But so the attorney
general's office

is gonna have to get involved.

Oh, come on. Attorney general?

What do I have to do,
take a loyalty oath? I mean--

Look, look, look.
Let me explain.

Look, all the stories
about the CHP

have to be portrayed
to fit the image

of the officers involved,
especially if they're factual.

Oh, Jon's doing a great
job about that, sarge.

I'm a Roman soldier.

You're a what?

[woman on radio]
'15, 7 Adam LA,
check a suspicious vehicle'

'a late-model Mercedes
at Columbus Bridge tollbooth.'

'Possible 211 suspects.'

'Repeat, suspects
are in a late-model Mercedes.'

Uh, you Roman soldiers
wanna roll on that?

Come on, Ponch.

Hey, have one for later.

Thanks.

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

Call the police!

- What happened?
- I don't know, he got lucky.

Yeah, well, we didn't.
I flooded it.

Well, come on,
let's find another car.

Come on, be a nice lady,
sit down over here.

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

LA 7, Adam.

'211 suspects
have commandeered a Plymouth.'

'They're traveling north'

'on the Pacific Coast
Highway near Oak.'

[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[horn honking]

[dramatic music]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

He's not gonna make it.

You alright?

Okay, put your left
hand on your head.

Looks like your car
racing days are over, buddy.

[Baker]
You're lucky to walk away
from this one too.

Hey, Bar, Fritz.

Do you wanna run them down to
Parker? We'll do the paperwork.

[Baricza]
Will do.

Whoo!

You know, it's like you said

uh, righteous criminals,
righteous bust.

But, uh, I do feel that it's
your turn to do the paperwork.

Yeah, sure,
it will go like this.

The drawbridge raised
like a giant cannon.

No, no, no, that's no good.

Maybe like this, the drawbridge
raised like a giant--

Um..

Waking giant?

Hey, that's perfect.
That's perfect, Jon.

Listen to this, we raced
down the highway like a..

We raced down
the highway like..

H-here, check this out.
Maybe a..

Uh, uh, like a bullet
searching for a target.

Hey, I like that.

You know, we got
a bestseller here, Jon.

Yeah.

I mean, we can
make a million..

[instrumental music]

What's the matter?

Wh-what's this we stuff?

Well, we're partners,
aren't we?

[instrumental music]

[Ponch]
'It'll be great for the morale
of the force. It really will.'

'Cause you can tell
it like it really is.

Insight that's
what makes it good.

To learn that they've got guys
like me and you on the team.

And it will make
a terrific movie.

I wonder who'll get to play me.
Maybe Jack Nicholson.

I like him. But he's not
good-looking enough.

I'm sure he isn't, Ponch.
You mind closing the door?

Yeah, sure.

Maybe we'll get Redford, huh?

But he'll have to dye
his hair, for sure.

I better start figuring out
what I wanna do with my royalty.

That's a lot of money.

I know the first
thing I'm gonna do

I'm gonna buy
new shocks for my motor home.

Yup. And then maybe
I'll take a trip.

'I'll go to Monte Carlo.'

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, who am I kidding, Ponch?
I mean, I'm no writer.

Wait a minute. What do
you mean you're no writer?

Don't you remember, Jon?

The sunlight dancing off
the top of the cars?

The Roman soldier who gunned

his mighty two-wheeled
stallion, huh?

'The drawbridge that raised
like a walking giant.'

Uh, waking giant, alright?

Hey, either way,
you're terrific, Jon.

You're really great.

Hey, Ponch,
don't you understand?

These are just adjectives.
Adjectives I borrowed from--

I don't know,
other people's novels

the dictionary, everywhere.

'I mean, it's like Getraer
said, huh?'

It's all this re tape.
Triplicate forms.

Hey, I'm gonna be so old

there's no way
I can finish the book.

No, that's nothing.
I'll help you.

Think of me, Jon,
and my public out there.

Yeah, I have been thinking of
you, Ponch, and you know what?

I do not really
feel, sincerely

that the public is ready
for Francis Ponchiriblo. Huh.

Hey..

Sorry, old buddy.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]