CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 1, Episode 5 - Career Day - full transcript

[dramatic music]

[inaudible]

[music continues]

Let's see if the van needs help.

It's being helped.

The tag.

Well, I didn't see it.

Ah, it's a good thing
this is training day.

You could use it.

[laughing]
Yeah, good chance
to sleep through

one of Getraer's slide shows.



[laughing]

[dramatic music]

[tires screeching]

[screaming]

[cars honking]

Here we go again.

[siren wailing]

7-David, this is 7-Mary-3.

Uh, request assistance
for an 11-82

Hazelton and Olympic.

7-Mary-3, 7-David in two.

[siren wailing]

[indistinct chatter]

[brakes squealing]



Hold it up.
Hold it right there.

Okay, folks,
nothing more here.

Please get in your cars
and move it out, please.

Okay, come on out.

I said, "out."

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

Good morning, officer.

You and your frat brothers
keep this up

you might get the real thing.

[instrumental music]

[male #1]
'Gotta lose 'em, man.
Let's pour it on.'

[Ben]
'Are you kidding?
This tank runs on embalming.'

[laughing]

Come on, will you just put
your foot on the accelerator?

Drive!
I'm sorry.

[siren wailing]

[laughing]

[tires screeching]

[siren wailing]

They're coming, Ben. Step on it.
I suggest we go faster.

- God, this thing won't go!
- Keep driving.

[laughing]

Do you wanna drive?
Do you wanna drive?

'Do you wanna drive?'

I can give you orders.

[screaming]

[rumbling]

[siren wailing]

[laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

Step out of the vehicle,
please.

Here, in front of the car.

Out of the vehicle.

Out of the vehicle.
Heh-heh.

You know, uh..

...you guys just arrived
at your own funeral.

Turn around.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Jon, you see the look
on those guys' faces

when the booking sergeant
called their dean?

Yeah, I don't think LA
will see that hearse

around here for a while.

Hey, Ponch,
check this out.

And if he tells us
he's only going one way

I'll write him two cites.

Hey, pull o..

You take him, Jon.

I thought
this was your out?

Just take him okay?
Okay?

Officers, I find this
extremely regrettable.

But I have an explanation.

Jon, talk to the man,
please.

Okay, Ponch.

Ponch?

Say, is that..

Is that you, Francis?

Francis Llewellyn Poncherello?

Oh, Llewellyn.

[laughing]
I love it.

'That's what the "L"
stands for, huh?'

Well, it must be you. There's
only room in the world for one.

But, but look at you.

It's nice to see you again.

Well, I'm not so sure, Francis.

I would have chosen
a more fortuitous reunion.

Hey, uh, Llewellyn,
are you gonna

introduce me
to your friend?

Uh, Mr. Singleton, sir,
this is officer--

- Jon Baker.
- Hmm.

Jon, this is Mr. Singleton.

The principal
of Poly High.

- Oh, your alma mater?
- Yes.

As often as the truant
officers could catch him.

I must say,
I never expected to see you

on that side of the law.

I still remember the number
of probations you had.

Probation, huh?

[chuckling]
Yeah, I guess we had
a few run-ins.

[Singleton]
'A few?'

You set the school
all-time record

for visits to my office.

Hey, now, wait a minute,
you told me

you set the all-time
school record for basketball.

What's happened to you,
Francis?

Have you turned over
a new leaf?

I mean, we must have done

a great deal
for you at, uh, Poly High.

Yes, sir, I guess you did.

And I'm sure that you're
still grateful

for our continued interest
in your welfare?

[sighing]
Yes, sir, I am.

But I still have
to tell you, sir

you were violating
the law just now.

Well, I've got
a great deal on my mind.

For instance, the current crop
of Francis Poncherellos.

That's about the best excuse
I've ever heard.

[chuckling]

Francis..

...are you going
to write me a ticket?

Yes.

Mr. Singleton.

Sir?

Good. Good!

You did learn from us.

You're a fine man,
I never thought

I'd hear myself say this

but I'm proud of you.

- Now, write the ticket.
- Yes, sir.

Say, uh...say, how's his
spelling these days?

[Baker]
What?

Oh, it's, uh..

I see. No improvement.

Now, these meters
were installed last week

and Caltrans expects
to install more next week

along the San Bernardino.

Okay.

Enough for metering
on-ramp stoplights.

Barkley, wanna take
the screen down, please?

[Getraer]
Alright, any questions?

Baker, Poncherello?

So when the sequence
of the meters--

Let me, let me ask Getraer.

Uh, do we understand
you correctly?

'When it's red, we stop'

and when it's green, we go?

[laughing]

Sit.

Okay.

'One last word
about the freeway burglar.'

The sheriff's office
says he hit again yesterday

and cleaned out a residence
along the San Berdo.

Is he still parking
on the freeway, sarge?

Yeah, uh, the sheriff's office
thinks he's making it look

like his car is BO. And that's
why we've been overlooking it.

Oh, wait a minute.
You mean he's tagging himself?

Yeah, we're gonna have
to double-check all disableds

until we put the finger
on this guy.

You mean, we gotta check
every tagged car we see?

Well, only you, Poncherello.

The rest of us will be
checking out vans and trucks

since all he's been stealing
is TVs and other big stuff.

Okay. Take it.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[woman on radio]
'LA to the Ventura
Freeway Unit.'

'There is a traffic tie-up'

'at the Ventura-Glendale
interchange.'

'If there are
any units available'

'identify to LA.'

[instrumental music]

[camera clicking]

Leslie, breathe out.

Come on, Gretchen,
give me some stuff, yeah.

Alright, baby,
relate to me. Come on.

Yeah, good!

Okay, come on.

Okay. Everybody, come on.

Give it to me!
All at once, let's have it.

'Okay.'

[camera clicking]

Okay, give me
a little more.

You ever seen
a happier traffic jam?

[chuckling]

You know, I, uh,
I wo..

Oh, no.

- There's your answer.
- Oh, yeah.

You know, if Getraer
would have known this

he wouldn't have sent you.

Yeah, he would have
come himself.

[laughing]

Hey, move it.

I'm moving, officer.
I'm moving.

Faster!

[laughing]
Can you blame him?

No. Come on.

[honking]

Hey!

Hey, uh, I'll take the girls.

- You take the teamster.
- What?

Well, the girls would just
stand around admiring you.

We'd never get this thing
straightened out.

I'll tell you what,
let's flip a coin, alright? Huh?

Okay.

Ooh.

Uh...sorry, partner

you take the trucker. Heh-heh.

You're a real killjoy,
you know that?

What can I say?

Alright, now, girls,
a little more charm.

A little more form.

'Susan. Susan,
give me some ballet.'

'Yeah, that's it.
Okay, more!'

Claire, arch your back,
will you? Okay.

[camera clicking]

Now smile! Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I like that.

'Good! Good!'

Okay, give me some more.

Come on, show us you love it.
That's a girl.

- Sir, uh..
- Give me more.

Do you think, maybe
I could see your permit?

A permit? On public property?
Surely, you jest.

- Sir, your permit.
- Don't have one.

Yeah, well, you're gonna
have to move then.

'Cause you're tying up traffic.

I am not responsible

for the animal instincts
of commuters.

Hold it, friend.
You can't park there.

Oh, what's the big deal?
They ain't goin' any place.

Besides, my view
from back there was lousy.

Oh, I'm sorry, next time
I'll try to get you

a better seat, alright?

- But, uh..
- Hey.

Towing a semi costs
about $100 these days.

Hey, come on, listen.
I told you, you know

we got the traffic tied up
for at least two miles--

A little more, Ginger.
That's a girl.

Hey, I'm not gonna
ask you again.

Please, please, I..

...gonna lose the sun.
I need a little more time.

You are through right now.

Be reasonable.
I have a deadline.

- New York is waiting.
- Yeah, well, so is half of LA.

Now, pack up your equipment.

[sighing]

Okay, girls,
put your little robies on

and get into your cars.

'Uh, girls!'

Girls, explain to him.

Uh, I'm helpless.

Look at it this way.

We stopped those cars
from speeding.

- Ha ha.
- That's right.

And we're, uh,
saving gasoline

and preventing accidents,
aren't we?

Yeah. Yeah, well,
not exactly, see.

I mean, you have two miles of
traffic lined up back there

and I've been waiting, I mean,
what are we supposed to do?

Hey, officer.

You're a spoilsport.

I've been called
worse than that.

Look!

If that's your partner up there,
you should be up there.

That's right.

So the quicker
you get back to your rig

the sooner I get up there.

- Come on! Let's move.
- Alright, alright.

Hey, hold it there.
Get over.

Come on.

You know, I'd hate to have
to carry this any further.

- Do you mean jail?
- What's he talking about?

- Jail?
- You wouldn't.

- Come on.
- I have to clear the area out.

- You're kidding.
- Oh, come on.

Hey, come on, come on.
It's the kid's job, okay?

- Give me a break.
- Jail?

Yes, it's becoming
a very strong possibility.

Jail might be
a very interesting idea.

Long vertical bars,
deep lit shadows.

Be a terrific offbeat layout.
Great set up.

Yeah, we'll have you there
in ten minutes, alright?

No, no. Not me, you won't.

- Not me either.
- Forget it.

You're alive, but no.

- Bye!
- Bye!

Good thinking.

Why don't you join 'em?

I'm certainly gonna put a call
through to your commission.

Yeah, well, uh..

...I'm sure he'd love
to hear from you.

[indistinct yelling]

Come on, at least
you could have stalled them

a little longer
for your partner.

- Hey, I didn't need to.
- You didn't need to?

What do you mean,
you didn't need to?

Some gratitude. I'm down there
in the pits with Charles Atlas.

And you're up here
in heaven with the angels.

Hey, Ponch.
Relax, okay? Relax.

Hey, I got their numbers.

You did?

Hey, Ponch.
Ponch, you got a 10-21.

- When?
- Uh, just now.

Getraer wants you to call him
as soon as possible.

Oh, no. What do I
have to explain now?

Would you explain
something to me, Frank?

Hey, sarge.
Anything you wanna know.

Why am I sending one of my men

one of my, uh,
uniformed officers

to his principal's office?

- What?
- Mister, uh, Singleton called.

That, uh, name mean
anything to you, Frank?

Uh, yeah. Wrong way Singleton.

- Wrong way?
- Yeah.

I pinched him
this morning.

Well, he didn't mention
anything about a citation.

He just asked that his,
uh, former student

Francis Llewellyn Poncherello

report to his office
as soon as possible.

Well, one thing you can
count on, sarge

he is not going to
talk me out of the cite.

Uh, anything you say, Frank.

Just see the man.

If he put up with you
for three years

he deserves
a little consideration.

Okay, sarge. If you say so.

Uh, I would appreciate it.

Goodbye, Llewellyn.

[instrumental music]

You know, Ponch,
I think I know what it is.

You got a book overdue,
and now he knows where you are.

[grunting]

It's either that
or they found out

you forged your diploma. Ha ha.

Funny.

Nah, Singleton just figures

he can get me back on his turf
and knuckle me under.

But no way.

He didn't seem like
that kind of guy to me.

No, then why do you
think we called him

the Frankenstein of Poly High?

I don't know, maybe he had
a secretary named Igor. Ha ha.

Very funny.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm a trained killer.

I've handled tougher guys
than Singleton.

Hey, you listening to me?

[chuckling]
Yeah.

Remember when I booked
that Herb Nesbaum?

- The mayor of El Segundo?
- How can I forget?

Well, this ticket
stands as written.

[giggling]

Oh, my God.
I know it.

Hey, uh, killer..

[chuckling]

...I think you forgot
your kickstand.

[girls giggling]

[female #1]
'I love it.'

- You ready?
- Let's say on three.

One, two, three.

Okay.

Uh-oh. Aw, Ponch, you broke
the spark plug off.

The carburetor's leaking
around the diaphragm.

You see, if old man Singleton
would've accepted his ticket

like a man,
this wouldn't have happened.

Yeah, I'll call for a tow.

This is it.
I've had it with him.

This is high noon
and this is the last showdown.

Central LA, 15-7-Mary-3.

Would you send
a motorcycle trailer

to the administration building,
Poly High?

[woman on radio]
'15-7-Mary-3, 10-4.'

Hey, Jon, bring me my baton.

Ponch, you don't need
the baton, alright?

Hey, maintain.

One way is one way.
You were there.

You saw the violation.

He can fight this
at a supreme court.

Hey, come on, Ponch. Just take
it easy. I mean, the guy--

Francis, good to see you.

I'm here, Mr. Singleton, but
it's not gonna do you any good.

There's no way you can
scare me or con me

into avoiding that ticket.
You understand?

Of course,
you're absolutely right.

I don't care if you
hire a lawyer and..

Of course?

I'm right?

I'm proud of what you've become.

Look at you,
from the lowest depths

to the highest heights.

I think you'd be an inspiration
to the entire student body

and I'd like you
to address them on Career Day.

Me?

Yours is an amazing
success story, Francis.

Really?

Yeah, frankly,
I think you could even relate

to some of our
more difficult cases.

'You could talk their language.'

As a matter of fact,
I remember you could even

write their language
on the walls.

Hey.

For the old alma mater, huh?

For you, Mr. Singleton.

- Why not?
- Fine. Thank you, Francis.

We'll see you on Friday
in the auditorium at 1:15.

Right, 1315 hours.

[bell ringing]

Hear that?

How's it gonna feel like to ride
with a returning hero, huh?

Yeah, well, that depends
if the returning hero

gets his bike fixed.
Come on.

Shh, you wanna deprive
some kid of his inspiration?

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Lou! Lou!
- 'What do you need, sarge?'

On your report here, I, uh..

...I can't read this address.
Help me out.

Yeah, sure.

[instrumental music]

I don't believe it.

[music continues]

You gonna tell him
your, uh, success story

before or after
he chews you out?

Before.
There may not be an after.

[Baker]
How you doing, sarge?

Sarge, now, before
you say anything

I've got some great news
for the patrol.

You're resigning
and going into

the wrecking business?

Sarge, believe me.

This little mechanical problem
is nothing

compared to the terrific
PR opportunity--

Don't talk, just listen.

We have nearly 100 vehicles
operating out of central.

Ninety nine of them spend most
of their time on the street.

Now, one of them spends most of
its time in the repair shop.

Do you know who that vehicle
belongs to, Frank?

- Sarge, let me explain.
- No, let me explain.

Your job is not to keep
the mechanics busy.

Your job is to patrol.

And you cannot patrol
the freeways on foot.

- I know.
- No.

No, you don't know,
Frank.

'Otherwise, you wouldn't be
wearing out the tow trailer'

and overworking
the repair crew.

Maybe you should join
the Mounties, Frank.

If you treated your horse the
way you treat your motorcycle

at least he could bite back.

Sarge, you'll feel
a whole lot different

once you hear the whole story.

[helicopter whirring]

[inaudible]

Excuse me, guys.

I mean, I pulled up in front
of the building, right?

Yeah?

[inaudible]

I can't hear a thing
you're saying.

[Ponch]
But you didn't hear me.

I know all your excuses
by heart.

I even have them numbered.

And that looked
like number 24.

Uh, sarge, what's the plan?
Does Ponch get a new bike?

There aren't any more
bikes right now.

Well, hey,
what about your bike?

No way!

The last time I lent you
my bike, it..

Never mind.
Baker, you go back on patrol.

Poncherello,
you take the desk.

Desk?

Look, I am short
of desk officer.

You're short of bike.

I'm allergic
to paperwork, sarge.

I'll get a rash.

Just don't drive
the chair over 90.

Hi, Joe.

- How are you?
- Fine. Yourself, Marty?

Oh, good. I need an observer.
Uh, you got any?

- Yeah. I'll check the roster.
- I'm available.

- Uh, now, wait a minute, Frank.
- I know, sarge.

Normally, you'd have somebody
else available, right?

But you just said yourself
you were shorthanded.

Uh, so I'd be happy
to help you out.

Aw, what's the use?
Okay, Frank. Go.

Thanks, sarge.
Uh, watch my helmet, okay?

Yeah, one thing, Frank.

Go easy on the chopper.
We don't have that many.

Prowler.

Negative.
That's a pool cleaner.

[woman on radio]
'LA to the Golden State Units
and Helicopter 5.'

'The sheriff reports
a lost boy.'

'Last seen vicinity
of Valley Heart and Ethel'

'wearing a red t-shirt
and blue jeans.'

'Any unit available
identify to LA.'

LA, 7-Mary-3,
will respond to location.

Helicopter 5, 10-4.

Helicopter 5,
this is 7-Mary-3.

Do you copy?

Come in, 7-Mary-3.

Uh, Valley Heart runs
next to the LA River.

Most kids can't
stay away from it.

We'll check it.

There he is!

'Down there by the wall.'

'Los Angeles,
this is Helicopter 5'

lost boy is located.

'LA River at Sepulveda Basin.'

7-Mary-3, copy. ETA of two.

Son, please move back.

'We're coming down.'

- Hi, there.
- Gonna arrest me?

No, I wanna talk to you
about fishing.

- Fishing?
- Yeah.

You know that one time
in this very spot in this river

I heard that they caught
the biggest piece of cement

and they were..

- What's your name?
- Mikie.

Mikie.

Tell me something, Mikie.

Did you find
the same thing down here

that all the other kids did?

Nothing, you know,
this dumb old cement river

has absolutely nothing
anyone would ever want.

Yeah, you probably
guessed that though, huh?

- I guess so.
- Yeah.

And we wouldn't wanna
get your mother upset

over nothing, right?

- Huh?
- I guess not.

Okay, now, listen.

You've been down here now

so there's no reason
to come back again.

- 'Right?'
- 'I suppose so, yes.'

Okay, now, let's make a deal
with you and me, alright?

That it's time to go home.

- It's a deal.
- Okay.

Hey, Mikie, how would you like
to ride in a helicopter?

Far out.

Uh, how 'bout a motorcycle?

None of my friends
have ridden in a whirlybird.

Can't win them all,
partner.

[instrumental music]

[helicopter whirring]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Hey, Ponch.

That's a good human
interest story

for the students of Poly High.

Are you kidding, I'm gonna let
them in on the big stuff

the true excitement of the CHP.

Oh, yeah? Like what?

Like the time
I saved that driver

from the burning gas truck,
or the time

I delivered twins
on the Harbor freeway.

Wait a minute, I was the one
that delivered the twins

and I was the one that saved
the driver, but if you--

Hey, Jon.
This is a high school audience.

Do you really think they're
gonna be interested in details?

Well, that depends on what
you consider details.

So far I've got about a dozen
inspiring points for my speech.

You think you got time
for a dozen?

Hey, old buddy.

They'll just have to cut
their applause short.

Uh...applause, huh?

Yeah, that could be
a problem.

[laughing]

I'm sorry.

Hey, Ponch!

If we don't get back on patrol,
LA's gonna think we're lost.

- I'll catch you later, hero.
- Alright, Jon.

Hey, Marty, could you
give me a few pointers?

I'm giving a talk
at Poly High

and I think the kids
would really be interested

in hearing how we fly
those things.

Circle back, Marty.
I'm wanna check something.

Helicopter 5
to Ventura Freeway Units.

'Anybody tag a light blue van'

stalled on the eastbound
shoulder at Winnetka?

Helicopter 5, this is 7-Adam.
Negative.

Helicopter 5, 7-Mary-3.
Negative on stalled vehicle.

Helicopter 5, 15-7-David.
Negative.

Only three units
on the Ventura West today.

Could be our 4-5-9 van.

7-Mary-3,
would you check it out?

10-4, Helicopter 5.
Westbound at Haskell.

[dramatic music]

Attention all units, I've
spotted possible 4-5-9 suspects

'on Ventura.'

Suspects are moving to the van.

[music continues]

Helicopter 5,
7-Mary-3 has an ETA of two.

4-5-9 suspects are now heading
west on Ventura near Ledge

'in a light blue
late model van.'

Available units, please roll.

I'm with you, Ponch.

[music continues]

4-5-9 suspects
are now heading south

off Ventura on to Ledge.

[tires screeching]

[siren wailing]

7-Mary-3, suspects now
going west on Kanan Road.

Jon, do you copy?

I'm with you, Ponch.

[siren wailing]

[music continues]

Hang tight.

[tires screeching]

Your 10-20, 7-Mary-3.

7-Mary-3 and 7-Mary-David

'are east of the tunnel.'

[sighing]

Suspects have apparently
made a U-turn in the tunnel.

Yeah, a regular Houdini.

[music continues]

[siren wailing]

C-18. Unit C-18?

'Suspects will be
heading your way.'

Make a right turn
at the next intersection.

'Repeat, at the next
intersection.'

[tires screeching]

Freeze.
Freeze right there!

You're not going anyplace.

Put your hands
on your head.

Spread your legs.

- Hey, Barry.
- Yeah.

I think these nice people
would like to check in

to the, uh, Graybar Motel.

Oh, yeah.

I think we can find
a couple of vacancies.

[Ponch]
'Hey, not bad, partner.'

I think I'll mention you
in my speech, old buddy.

[chuckling]
Thanks.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

There he is, students.

Francis Llewellyn Poncherello

as he appeared
in our school's yearbook.

And here he is today

one of California's finest.

It's with great pride
on this Career Day

that I introduce to you
one of Poly High's

most prominent alumni,
Mr. Francis..

...or as we say today,
Frank Poncherello.

[applause]

- Are you nervous?
- Are you kidding?

This is gonna be
a piece of cake. Watch.

Thank you, Mr. Singleton.

[audience laughing]

And now, my fellow..

I, uh..

I, uh..

[girl giggling]

Hi, uh,
my name's Jon Baker.

This is my partner,
Francis Llew..

[indistinct murmur]

Well, we just call him "Ponch."

'Uh, he's the kind of guy
that's too modest'

to talk about himself,
but, um..

You know, last week,
he closed down

almost the entire
LA freeway system

'to save a shaggy dog
that was stranded'

in the middle of the freeway
and when the do..

[indistinct murmur]

[sighing]

Okay, I know
what you're thinking.

Chippie, the badge,
the gun, the whole bit.

But, really,
in all seriousness

Ponch here, uh, yesterday
single-handedly directed

an air-to-ground search

and because of it saved the life
of a 6-year-old child.

[applause]

[cheering]

And, uh, he's also
responsible

for, uh, saving
the lives of, uh

two elderly, uh, people
that were in a runway bus--

Listen, Jon.
That-that was nothing.

You guys should've been
there when I chasing

this carload full
of bank robbers on the freeway.

Oh, I mean, it was a ride.
It was a chase.

These dudes, eight,
nine guys in one car.

'Shooting down the freeway,
and I'm coming on my 'cycle.'

And I make this hairpin turn
to the left, because..

...I anticipated they were
gonna come off this ramp.

Whoa! So I came off
the other side and I got 'em.

Oh, and I pulled 'em out.
You should've been there.

'They were moving.
They were going, like, 85.'

'And I was.. But I decided
I'm gonna go for it.'

'And I'm going in at him,
and I make this hairpin turn.'

And they cut to the left

and then suddenly
they go to the right.

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