Burn Notice (2007–2013): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

[ Man Shouts ]

[ Man Narrating ]
Covert intelligence involves
a lot of waiting around.

Know what it's like
being a spy?

Like sitting in your
dentist's reception area
24 hours a day.

You read magazines, sip coffee,
and ever so often someone
tries to kill you.

Get in.

You know, Mercedes
makes an S.U.V. now.

Big backseat.
It's great.

Surprisingly affordable too.

C.I.A.

[ Narrator ]
What do you say to that? No?



Explain that a lot of spies
don't work directly
for the C.I.A.?

Lot of good that'll do.

Welcome!
[ Chuckling ]

Mr. C.I.A.
No, no, no, no. I don't
work for anybody directly.

That's why I get to do stuff
like give you $750,000...

to stop blowing up
oil refineries.

[ Laughing ]
[ Mock Laughing ]

Come.

Hi. Hi.
Hi, everybody.

- [ Gun Cocks ]
- Whoa. Easy, guys. Easy.
Just gettin' a map.

You guarantee security
for the Nembe oil field.
No fires, no explosions.

Nobody falls into a swamp
and gets eaten by an alligator.

- You mean crocodile.
- Yes, that's--
I-I mean crocodile.

We agreed?
Da.



I'm now reaching
into my jacket for my phone...

so I can get this man
his money, see?

That's okay.
[ Phone Beeping ]

[ Man On Phone ] Hello.
Yes, I have the wire
transfer information.

The A.B.A. number
is 0210010175.

It's off.
We got a burn notice on you.
You're blacklisted.

Excuse me?
I'm sorry.

[ Line Clicks ]

[ Phone Beeping ]
Is there problem?

No, no problem.
Computer mix-up--
P.C., Mac.

[ Woman ] Hello?
Put your boss
on the phone right now.

I'm sorry.
I can't help you.

I have a wire transfer
number: 0210010--
[ Line Clicks ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Men Grunting ]

You C.I.A. bastard!
You think you can
steal from me?

[ Narrator ]
Sometimes the truth hurts.

In these situations,
I recommend lying.

[ Grunts ] C.I.A!
I'm C.I.-- I'm C.I.A.!
I've got your money!

Enough, enough!
Pick him up.

[ Groaning ]

I've got the money.
It's not here. I can
take you to it though.

I was gonna steal it
and blame it on you guys.
It's not personal. Okay?

I was just--
It was what I was gonna do.

Uh, in 20 minutes,
you'll have your money.
I promise.

Take him.
[ Groans ]

[ Bell Dings ]

I need the bathroom.
I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna--

Wait, wait!
I'm gonna be sick.
I need the bathroom!

I-- I'm gonna be sick
in the Mercedes,
you understand?

[ Retches ]
In the Mercedes--
blood everywhere.

[ Groaning ]

[ Narrator ]
In a fight, you have to
be careful...

not to break the little bones
in your hand on someone's face.

[ Grunts, Screams ]

That's why I like bathrooms.
Lots of hard surfaces.

[ Two Gunshots ]

** [ P.A. System:
Woman Singing Muzak ]

Sorry. I'll leave it
at the airport.

[ Men Shouting ]

Quick, quick!

[ Narrator ]
Southern Nigeria isn't
my favorite place in the world.

It's unstable, it's corrupt,

and the people there
eat a lot of terrible-smelling
preserved fish.

I will say this for Nigeria
though-- It's the gun-running
capital of Africa.

And that makes it a bad place
to drive a passenger sedan
into a crowded market.

- [ Angry Chattering ]
- Back off! Back off!

Right this way, sir.

[ Groans ]

[ Narrator ] If you're
gonna collapse on a plane,
I recommend business class.

The seats are bigger
if you start convulsing.

Although once
you pass out--

Are you okay?

it really doesn't matter.

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Groans ]
Oh, no.

[ Irish Accent ]
You're a lucky man.

That many bruises,
anyone would think
you fell under a truck.

Fiona, what are you doin'?

You've been out for a couple
of days. The maid got curious,
went through your stuff.

You still have me in your wallet
as your emergency contact.

You take that out
when you leave someone,
you know.

Flattered you came.
Don't be.

I needed to get out
of New York anyway.

Old associates
sniffing around.
[ Groans ]

And I wanted to try
someplace sunny,

and it sounded like
you might die.

I-I wanted to be there
at the end...

to tell you
what a bastard you were.

- Sunny. Where am I?
- Miami.

Apparently,
you collapsed on the flight
out of Nigeria.

Miami? Why am I here?

The airline would only say
they were instructed
to fly you here.

Instructed?
What does that mean?

It's-- It's home,
in a manner of speaking,
isn't it?

[ Gasps ]
Oh! I called your mom.

- My mother?
- Yeah, yeah.
We had a lovely chat.

She's thrilled
you're home for Christmas.

Home for--
Uh, no. I'm not home.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go.

Leavin'?
Uh, yeah.

Yeah. You're good at that.

Yeah, it's just better
if my mother and I aren't
in the same hemisphere.

Fiona, someone put
a burn notice out on me.

I gotta take care
of this now,

or a few cracked ribs will be
the least of my worries.

Surveillance.
Two-man team, F.B.I.

Fi, why don't you go
run interference for me?
Please, Fi. Come on.

Make one of those scenes
of yours, you know?

Bite one of 'em.
Set the other on fire.
Just do it in about 10 minutes.

I need to clean up.

You'll owe me dinner.
[ Water Running ]

Fine.

[ Narrator ]
Most people would be thrilled
to be dumped in Miami.

Sadly, I am not most people.

Spend a few years
as a covert operative,

and a sunny beach just looks
like a vulnerable tactical
position with no decent cover.

I've never found a good way
to hide a gun in a bathing suit.

Welcome to the Chadwicke, sir.
I need a room
one, maybe two nights.

We've got a 10th-floor suite
with an ocean view.

Uh, I don't want a view.
Uh, facing a wall, something
with no windows, if you have it.

Far from the elevators, close
to the exits, if you have it.

[ Computer Beeping ]

Hmm. Do you have another card?
Uh, this one was declined.

Declined?

I-- I don't care what
the computer says.

I want my money
from my account.

I understand that, sir.
I--

Let me check
with the manager.

[ Narrator ]
When a spy gets fired,

he doesn't get a call
from the lady in H.R.
and a gold watch.

They cut him off.
They make sure he can
never work again.

They can't take away his skills
or what's in his head,

so they take away the resources
that allow him to function.

They burn him.
All I know is
the account is frozen.

The, um, code is
government related.

If you care to discuss this
with the police--

Hey! Hi.

You look like you
could use a free hat.

Uh, pay phone?
Huh?

You put coins in
and then--

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, right over there.

[ Woman ] Hello.
I need to speak
with Dan Siebels.

I'm sorry. There's
no one here by that name.
He's my case officer.

I need to speak with him.
I know the protocol.
Sir--

I know you're just doing
your job, but I don't have
access to a secure line.

I'm sorry, sir.
I can't help you.
This is Michael Westen--

Just put Dan
on the phone!
Sir, I can't help you.

He's my handler.
I've worked with him
for 15 goddamn years--

Sir, there is no one here
by that name.

Sorry, kid. Please,
we trained together.

Uh, there's a Lucite plaque
on his desk with a bullet hole
in it. He drinks Sprite.

He's a friend. I cannot express
enough how urgent this--
Sir, I can't help you.

[ Line Clicks ]
No, no! Don't hang up on me!
You hung up. Oh--

[ Michael Narrating ]
When you're being watched,
what you need is contrast--

a background that will make
the surveillance stand out.

An F.B.I. field office
is full of guys in their 40s.

At most South Beach
business hotels,

it would be tough to tell
which middle-aged white guy
was watching you.

** [ Hip-hop ]
[ Woman ]
* Yeah *

* Yeah, yeah **

So you stay in the place where
everyone is a Jell-o shot away
from alcohol poisoning.

** [ Women Singing ]

If you see someone
who can walk a straight line,
that's the fed.

** [ Pop, Faint ]
[ People Chattering ]

[ Phone Beeping ]

In Miami. I need
the address for SecuriCorp.

[ Person Whoops ]
Brickell Ave. South?

[ Banging On Door ]

Thanks.

** [ Man Singing In Spanish ]

Sorry. Wrong room.
Come on.

No, wait.
He's kind of hot.

Just--

Kids, come here.

See that cop?

I'll give you guys
five bucks each if you
go over and tell him...

that a man
in that car over there tried
to make you sit on his lap.

Can you do that?

Make it 10 bucks each.

Fifteen,
but you split it.
All right.

For 15, I want tears.

All right, dog.

[ Chattering ]
Sick!

Hey, you.
Step out of the car.
Come on. Come on out.

Get out of the car.
Come on, come on.
Wai-Wai-Wait.

Officer, uh, Anderson.
Let me show I.D.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes.

Hey, now, no, no!
Come on! Whoa! Come on!

[ Indistinct ]

[ Michael Narrating ]
Need to go someplace
you're not wanted?

Any uniform store will
sell you a messenger outfit,

and any messenger can
get past a security desk.

Show him in.

Janet, can you
give us a minute?

[ Whistles ]
Wow! What an office.

Michael,
what are you doing here?
You cannot be here.

You heard then.

Are you kidding?
You've been flagged
on every government list.

- Why didn't you call me?
- Would you have seen me
if I did?

Of course not.
Michael, you were always good at
pissing people off, but this?

It's a mistake.
It has to be. Just tell me
what you've heard.

I don't know the details.
I just heard you were out.
That's it.

What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
I'm just out?

Am I your complaint hotline?
It's what I heard.
Lucy, I'm broke.

Bottom line,
they trashed my credit,
they froze my bank accounts.

If I'm gonna figure
this out, I need to put
some money together.

I don't have stacks
of cash laying around,
and even if I did, I--

- Lucy.
- Michael.

Michael.

Okay, there may be something.
I'll call Sam.

Sam? Sam Axe?
You still work with him?
Not when I can avoid it.

He's been drinking, sponging
off of every rich divorcée
in the greater Miami area.

I throw him a job
every now and then when he's
between sugar mommies.

- What's the job?
- Guy's an operation manager
at an estate in Miami Beach.

Anyway, the place got robbed,
and it looks like he's in
some kind of trouble.

What kind of trouble?
He didn't want to get into it.
We talked price.

Guy's breaking open
his piggy bank.

I told him the job was
a little small for us,
but he sounded desperate,

so I told him I'd
keep my eyes open.

- You're all heart.
- Do you want the job or not?

- I'll call Sam.
- Thank you, Lucy.

Get yourself cleaned up.
New clothes. You look terrible.

You look good.

[ Man ]
* Boom, let's play some music *

Ah. Don't go away.

** [ Man Singing In Spanish ]

Mama.

I assume you got word
on my situation.

You know spies--
bunch of bitchy little girls.
Good news for you.

I'm a drunk and a washout
already, so I can talk to
whoever I want, burned or no.

You hear anything else?
Nobody tells me anything.

- I'm not exactly security
clearance material anymore.
- Oh, Sam.

- [ Woman ] Here you go.
- There she is! Thank you.
Keep 'em comin'.

Mmm.
Look at the bright side.

They wanted you dead,
you'd be dead.

Florida will do you some good.
I've been here a year,
I've never been better.

Yeah, I understand your
main source of income is an
allowance from a lawyer's wife.

Hey, don't knock it--
free clothes,
ocean view apartment...

and an endless supply
of little blue pills.

Speaking of apartments,
you know a safe place
I can stay?

I'm at a motel
with the Girls Gone Wild.

I might know a guy.
I'll make a call.
How long you around?

Just long enough to put together
some cash and track down
this burn notice.

Hey, so this job tomorrow,
you want to do the meeting,

or you need me to come along
and hold your hand?

Yeah, I'll be fine, Sam.

[ Man Rapping ]
* Ain't nothing like
being rich, man, hey *

* 100 thou on the Ritz, man *

[ Michael Narrating ]
With this much money,
things get complicated.

* Hey, money to flip, man *
Change a lightbulb
in a place like this,

and a week later you're on a
speedboat in the Cayman Islands
with someone shooting at you.

* Say get money
Stack it big to the ceiling
Fill it up till it overflows *

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Mr. Westen.

I spoke to Lucy.
Uh, she told me you
do investigations. Um--

I do a lot of things.

Last month,
there was a robbery.

Twenty-two million
in odd jewelry and antiques.

- It was-- It was very bad.
- Well, looks like
the police are into it.

Says here they're talking
to persons of interest.

You're a person
of interest.

The police
asked me questions.

When this happened,
I was at home watching TV
with my kid.

The security code
they used for the alarm--
it's the master code-- my code.

Oh.
Besides, I supervise the staff
and I set the shifts.

It looks bad.
Yeah, that looks
pretty bad.

I told the police
I worked there 15 years.
I would never do this.

Mr. Pyne talked to them,
said it wasn't me.

They took my passport,
told me not to travel.

If they arrest me, my son--
He's-- He's eight years old.
I'm all he has.

Right, yes. "I'm desperate.
Please don't make my son
an orphan." I got it.

Just so we're clear, you want me
to figure out who ran off
with $22 million in stuff,

catch the bad guys,
clear your name all for--
what is it, $4,500?

4,600.
Oh, well,
that's much better.

I'm sorry.
I have nowhere else
to turn. Please.

All right.
I'm gonna see
what I can do.

I need to talk to your boss.
Can I do that?
Yeah, yeah. Come on.

Uh, what-- what are you
exactly, Mr. Westen?
A private detective?

Oh, no. I wish.
Nothing that official.

No, I'm just
a friend of a friend
in town for a while.

I thought I'd see
if I could help.
Oh, thank you.

Javier's been with me
for a number of years.

It kills me to see
what he's going through.
What was stolen?

Oh, some jewelry,
some artwork.

Insured, but the artwork
was irreplaceable.
Impressionists mostly.

I had a Sisley, a Clausen
and some other works.

Houses, landscapes.

Now, I'm in real estate,
so I've got this thing
for houses.

[ Laughing ]

And you're confident
Javier had nothing
to do with it?

Oh, hey, this is Miami.

Any incident,
and the police blame
the nearest Cuban or Haitian.

[ Beeping ]
You should have seen the way
they were all over my gardeners.

- What about the security codes?
- Oh, Lord knows.

The police are looking into it.

But, you know, to be honest,
I'm just glad nobody was hurt.

Was there anyone
unknown to you around?

Guests, any new
business associates
that came to the house?

Not that I can think of.
I went over all this
with the police.

Now, you can talk
to Vince if you want to.
He takes care of my security.

[ Michael ]
I just have a few questions.
See if anyone missed anything.

- We talked to the police.
- I don't mean to bother you.
It would be a big help.

-Does Mr. Pyne have any enemies?
-Anybody worth a hundred mil
has enemies.

Which is why
he hired a bodyguard--
I mean, a head of security.

I'm specifically talking
about enemies that might
rob his home though.

Listen.
We know who did this.

Okay, Mr. Pyne has
a soft spot for Javier.

I don't.

As far as I'm concerned,
the sooner he's arrested,
the better.

Well, you've been
a big help.

Place is upstairs,
in the back.

The rent is 200 a month,
and, uh--

If anyone finds out I'm there,
I say I broke in. Sam told me.

It's not so easy to live
in this place, you know?

All night,
club is "boom-boom."
Fine. That's fine.

Uh, other thing--

The guy next door sells
drugs to my customers,
make fight with people.

I try to talk,
he puts a gun in my face.

Now, at home, I can deal
with a-- [ Speaks Russian ]

But here, with immigration,
liquor license,
is big risk for me, huh?

I can handle that.
Yeah.

You're real
Michael Westen, yes?

Yeah.

Back home, your story
Russian intelligence tells
to scare.

They say you're one name
for many people.

Special Operations team.

They think one person cannot
make so much problems.

Nope. Just me.
[ Ship Horn Blows ]

Ah!
[ Laughing ]
[ Speaking Russian ]

Oh, nice to meet you,
Michael.

Is new world, yes?
[ Laughing ]

[ Quietly ]
Yes.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Hello?
[ Woman ]
Michael?

Mom?

[ Michael Narrating ]
My mom would have been a great
N.S.A. communications operative.

How did you get this number?
That's how you greet
your mother?

I got it from
your girlfriend, Fiona.
Mom, what do you want?

Were you gonna
come and see me?

Oh. I'm not gonna be in town
that long, so I can't.

Come now then.
You could drive me
to the doctor.

I don't even have a car, so I--
Yeah. Well, you'll
figure something out.

[ Michael Narrating ]
Drop me in the middle
of the Gobi Desert,

bury me in a goddamn cave
on the moon,

and somehow
she'd find a way to call me
and ask me for a favor.

[ Screaming ]

I don't like stealing cars,
but sometimes it's necessary.

I have rules though.

I'll keep it clean, and if I
take your car on a work day,
I'll have it back by 5:00.

Things have gone to hell
since you left.

Thank God you're back.
I'm not back.

You're here for the holidays
though. I mean, you're staying
for Christmas, aren't you?

Mom, don't smoke
in the car, please.
It's not mine. Please.

[ Michael Narrating ]
Figuring out if a car
is tailing you...

is mostly about driving
like you're an idiot.

You speed up, slow down,
signal one way, turn the other.

Of course, ideally,
you're doing this without
your mother in the car.

Michael, where are you going?
The hospital is on 20th.

This is a shortcut.
Mom, please, do not
smoke in the car.

Do not smoke in the car.

You know, you missed
your father's funeral...
by eight years.

Well, the last time
I talked to him, he said,
"I'll see you in hell, boy,"

so I figured we had
something on the books.

Michael! The two of you
were so much alike.

I don't know why you
had to antagonize him.

Mom, we were nothing alike.
Everything I did
antagonized him.

Being alive antagonized him.

Everything I did was a reason
for him to slap me around.

- Michael, what are you doing?
- Will you-- Who's driving?
You or me?

[ Michael Narrating ]
Actually, losing a tail
isn't about driving fast.

A high-speed pursuit
is just gonna land you
on the 6:00 news.

So you just keep driving like
an idiot until the other guy
makes a mistake.

Again, all of this is easier
without a passenger
yelling at you...

for missing a decade's worth
of Thanksgivings.

You were the one
that kept the family going.

After you left,
everything just fell apart.

I've been sending money.
What about Nate?

Don't get me started.
Your brother is a mess.

You should go see him, Michael.
It's almost Christmas.

I don't think it's a good idea
for us to see each other.

I can't take care of him
all by myself. I am sick.
You know that I'm sick.

Well, what I know
is that you've been treated
for every disease known to man.

I know this because
I'm paying all the bills.

Just because they can't
find out what's wrong with me
does not mean I'm not sick.

Please! Mother.
Well, you don't know,
Michael.

I don't tell you
everything that goes on.

I don't need
to know everything.
Well--

Stop. Stop. Zip.
What? Mike.

Look, we're here.

Are you coming in?
No, I have to make
a phone call, Ma, so--

I'm right behind you, Ma.
Fine, Michael.

Okay, Mother.

[ Line Ringing ]
[ Woman ]
Hello.

Yeah. Michael Westen
for Dan Siebels.
I'm sorry, sir.

Yeah, I know, I know.
He doesn't exist.

You tell him from me,
if he doesn't call me back,

I will be in touch
with him soon.

[ Woman ]
* Oh, yeah *

[ Man ]
* Yeah *

* Yeah *

[ Woman ]
* Yo, T-Nas, I'm ready
to crash some boots *

[ Man ]
* Yo, fill your drink up
Throw your hands up *

* The party don't start
till everybody gets here *

Sorry, I'm, uh--
I just-- I'm not, uh--

[ Woman ]
Yeah, he's with her.

** [ Man Continues ]

** [ Continues ]

* You know
that song that makes it
on every deejay's hot list *

* It's got this flavored
to perfection **

[ Narrating ] Sleep through
an aerial bombing or two,
and noise isn't an issue.

** [ Singing Continues ]

You just need
some privacy and a bed.

In a pinch,
you can lose the bed,

but the privacy's important
for projects like this one.

With everyone x-raying
and chemical testing
their mail these days,

a box of wire and pipe
and batteries sprinkled
with chemical fertilizer...

is a great attention-getter.

* I pull it out
Women be like *
* What's up with that *

* Don't worry, baby
It's all gravy *

* After a few drinks
you can see what God gave me *

* So fill your drink up
Throw your hands up
The party don't start-- **

Hey. Thanks for comin'.
Come on in.

Come on in.
You want some coffee?
No. No.

It's not a problem.
I made some fresh.
Listen, I just wanted to--

Sit down, sit down.
just talk about--

- This is my son, David.
David, say hi.
- Hi.

- Are you a soldier?
- Uh, no. Sort of.

My dad says
you're here to help us.

Yeah, I might be.
I just need to talk to your dad
about some money first.

Then are you
gonna shoot the people
that robbed Mr. Pyne?

No, no. That shouldn't
be necessary.

What if they shoot at you?

Well, in that case,
it would be necessary,
so yeah.

Okay. David, go play.

I can play here.
In your room.

- Want to see my room?
- David, go.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

So, will you help?

I'll need half the money
up front.

Uh, I don't know.
Uh, 2,300 dol--

Okay, wait. Wait.

I need you
to know something.

I'll follow this
wherever it leads.
I finish what I start.

We do it my way,
no questions. Got it?

Thank you.

[ Woman Laughing ]

Workin' hard?

Tanning is an art
and a science, Mike.
You want something to drink?

- They got guys here, they'll
bring you whatever you want.
- No, I'm fine.

So, what have you found out
about Pyne's hired gun?

Well, he washed out
of the Rangers
after a couple years.

Then he went to work
for some private military
outfit in Iraq--

some kind of meathead
mercenary sort of thing.

Any progress
with the job?

I checked the estate's
security logs.
Nothin' there.

So it's the hard way then.
The best angle is the art.

I find the buyer,
I'll work my way back
to who pulled off the job.

Well, how you
gonna do that?

I need you to set up
a meeting with me and Barry.

Can do.

[ Michael Narrating ] Whether
you're a coke dealer, a thief,
an arms dealer or a spy,

you need someone
to clean your money,

which makes a good money
launderer the closest thing
you can get...

to a Yellow Pages
for criminals.

Even better,
a money launderer will always
take your phone call,

burn notice
or no burn notice.

Good to see you.
Heard about your troubles.
So sorry.

I'm working on it.
Thanks for coming, Barry.

I'm in a service industry.
That's what I do. I help.

So, what you need?

An art dealer.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Art's a bad place
to park money these days.
I.R.S. is all over the place.

Plus some schmuck in New York
says the wrong thing,
you take a bath.

How 'bout stamps?
Nice and portable.
Liquidity's better.

Coins. Had this guy
who does coins. All cash.

Has to be art. I need someone
to find me a piece that's not
on the regular market.

Hot paintings.

I might know someone.
Uh, nobody gets hurt?

Nobody you care about.

[ Chuckling ]

Just remember who still
helped you when you were down.

Me-- Barry. That's who.

I gave you love.
You'll remember?

I'll remember.

Oye, Martin.

** [ Man Singing In Spanish ]

Excuse me. I'm just--

[ Clears Throat ]

Sorry, man. We were waitin'
on Sugar and got carried away.
You know how it is.

- Sugar?
- Yeah.

I don't know his real name,
but he usually hooks us up.
We wanted to score some "E."

Are you the new guy?
Leave.

Now.

[ Ringing ]

Mom, what is it?
[ Man ]
This isn't your mom.

Dan. Dan, hey.
Good to hear from you.
I thought you lost my number.

Just spent three hours
with the F.B.I. discussing
your little present.

They wondered why someone
was sending me a pipe bomb
with no explosive in it.

[ On Speakerphone ]
I thought it'd get
your attention.

So tell me what's goin' on.
I don't know.
Burn notice is eyes only.

For what it's worth,
I think it's bull, but I
don't control these things.

Well, tell me who to talk to,
or I'm coming to D.C.
and raising some hell.

Don't do that, Michael.
You're on all the F.B.I.
watch lists.

You go anywhere,
they're all over you.
What for?

All I know is
that whoever did this
wants you on ice.

You leave Miami,
you heat up fast.

We're talking manhunt,
police in every state.

Things may change,
but for now, be smart.
Lay low.

Can I at least see
the burn notice?

If I could see who issued it,
then maybe I can do something
about this.

I risked enough
just calling.

Look, some of us
are still on your side.

You pull another stunt
like this though,
and I won't be one of 'em.

What's up, bro?
You new around here?

Yeah.

Well, my name is Sugar,
and I, uh--

I heard you messed with
some of my friends last night.

-I asked a few of your customers
to get out of here, yeah.
-What's your problem?

My problem right now is a pretty
boy drug dealer with a bad dye
job is standing in my way.

[ Groans ]
Whoa!
Did I hurt you, bro?

[ Michael Narrating ]
Doesn't matter
how much training you have.

A broken rib
is a broken rib.

Don't start fights
you can't finish, bro!

- [ Screams ]
- I'll break it.

I don't want to,
but I will if I have to.

All right!
All right, all right!
All right. Let go!

Let go! Let go!

** [ Man Singing In Spanish ]

You come highly recommended,
Mr. Westen.

What are you interested in?

Specifically?

British post-Impressionists.
Sisley, Steer.

Ah, that's nice.
We don't see much of that.

Most specialty stock is
out of the East these days.

Iraqi antiquities,
Russian icons.
Mm-hmm.

Although that's mostly
forged garbage.

I can get you some
French Impressionists.

My collection
is mostly focused
on the Camden Town Group.

Very nice.
I wish I had something.

Several pieces
were on the market
about six months ago.

There was a Sisley
and several Clausens,
although it didn't sell.

Really?
Do you remember who?

Oh, I don't remember
the name.

One of these condo developers
that are everywhere these days.

Bought during
the Impressionist bubble
in the '90s.

He went to all
the major dealers.
Wanted to dump it.

It was all very discreet,
but people talk.

Really? What happened?
Nobody was interested
is what happened.

Not at his price.

I'm sorry I can't help,
but--

No, no, no. You-- You have
been very helpful. Thank you.

I do have some Greco-Roman
nude wrestling statues you
might like to take a look at.

[ Michael Narrating ]
I never run around in the bushes
in a ski mask...

when I'm breaking in
someplace.

Somebody catches you,
what are you gonna say?

You want to look like
a legitimate visitor
until the very last minute.

If you can't look legit,
confused works almost as well.

Maybe you get a soda
from the fridge or a yogurt.

If you're caught, you just
act confused and apologize like
crazy for taking the yogurt.

Nothing could be
more innocent.

Cracking an old-school safe
is pretty tough,

but modern high-tech security
makes it much easier.

Thing is, nobody wipes off
a fingerprint scanner
after they use it,

so what's left on the scanner,
nine times out of 10,

is a fingerprint.
[ Beeping ]

[ Clicking ]

Fighting for the little guy
is for suckers.

We all do it once in a while,

but the trick is
to get in and out quickly
without getting involved.

That's one trick
I never really mastered.

Javier. Javier?

You want some cereal?
No.

All I got is the one with the
marshmallow guys, but it's good.
It's David's favorite.

Don't worry about that.
I want to talk to you
before you go to work.

What is it?
Is there something wrong?
Yeah.

Basically,
your boss sold you out.
He robbed his own house.

Probably had Vince do
the actual job.

But the bottom line is,
he collects the insurance,
and you're the fall guy.

Mr. Pyne? Nah, he wouldn't.
He talked to the police for me.
So what?

That just makes it easier
for him to collect
on the insurance.

You're a trusted employee.
He had no idea.

Take a look at this.
[ Sighs ]

Half his
real estate projects
are just paper--

empty lots
he paid a loan officer
to sign off on.

He borrowed against those
to finance other deals,

but with the market cooling,
he's bleeding money,
and the art is all he has.

Without the insurance payout,
it all comes crashing down.

What do I do?

Well, you could go to jail--
10 years, give or take.

You could run.
The statute of limitations
is about 20 years.

Or you could fight back.

Fight back?
Pyne doesn't want
any of this to get out.

As long as we
have this information,
we have leverage.

But what do I do?
I'll handle the details,
but it could get dangerous.

People do bad things
when this much money's
on the line.

Money. I--
Don't worry
about the money.

You want to do this
or not?

You're not going to work
today or ever again.

I'm gonna go talk
to Pyne, but be prepared.
This could get sketchy.

Hey.

You really want me
to shoot someone,
don't you?

Hey.

So, Mr. Westen,
what can I do for you?

I just wanted
to update you.

Fortunately, I think we can
be pretty sure that Javier had
nothing to do with the robbery.

Have you spoken
to the police?

I'm not sure
you want me to do that.
Yeah, take a look at this.

I think this points
pretty clearly to, um--

mmm, some other suspects.

- Where'd you get this?
- I found it in the course
of my investigation.

Cops might find it, too,
if, say, Javier was arrested.

I'm guessing that's something
you'd want to avoid.

Well, you two have
a lot to talk about.

I know my way out.

Does that shirt
come in men's?

[ Pyne ]
You're head of my security!

Well, it's your job, damn it!
You--

[ Michael Narrating ]
Powerful people don't like
being pushed around.

You can never quite predict
what they're going to do...

or have their washed-out
Special Forces security guys do.

Point is, blackmail is
a little like owning a pit bull.

It might protect you,
or it might bite your hand off.

That's why it pays to make sure
you know what they're thinking,
and that means eavesdropping.

Hi. Can I help you?

Yeah, I need two of these...

and your cheapest phone.

- That one?
- Oh, the Hello Sweetheart.

Is it for
your little girl?
No.

Oh, the Hello Sweetheart.
Yeah, that's fine.

Okay.
[ Cash Register Beeping ]

[ Michael Narrating ]
To build a listening device,
you need a crappy phone...

with a mike
that picks up everything.

But you want the battery power
and circuits of a better phone.

It's a trick you learn
when the purchasing office
won't spring for a bug.

Hello, Sweetheart.

So, Sam and I are gonna
plant the bug tomorrow
so we can listen in on Pyne.

Fi, I want to ask you, um--

Yeah?
Uh, I need someone
to track him,

provide a little
tactical support.

Sure. It'll be
just like the old days.

That sounds like fun.
Glad you think so.

I haven't worked so hard for so
little money since Afghanistan.

Afghanistan.

But at least there,
my mother wasn't calling me
30 times a day.

Thank you for
giving her my number.
You're welcome.

Any thoughts as to why
you're so unpopular?

Why didn't they
just kill ya?

I might be a lesson,
a warning.

Somebody wants to offer me a
job, but they want me desperate
before they make the offer.

It could be a lot of things.
I don't know.

Yeah. It'll be good for you to
stay in one place for a while,
resolve some issues.

Why I-I traveled halfway
across the world to get away
from those, you know--

My point exactly.

Maybe if you stopped running,
you could maintain
a normal relationship.

Listen, Fi. There's
a few things I'm good at.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]

Tactical analysis,
hand-to-hand combat,
and I'm a decent cook.

But relationships--
They're just not my thing.
They never were.

Well, now you're in Miami.

Get yourself a 24-year-old
with big, fake tits.

They bore me.

If it makes you
feel any better,

you were the closest...
I ever got.

It-- It just wasn't
close enough, I guess.

Things could have worked out
with us, Michael.

You were robbing banks
for the I.R.A.

A spy is just a criminal
with a government paycheck.

You're the one
with two F.B.I. agents
watching him eat.

Three-- One.

Two.

Behind me at the bar.

Bravo.

- Should we shoot them?
- I've got enough problems.

Oh, well.
More sake then?

- When. When, Fi. When! When.
- What? What? What?

I can't shag a man
who works in a bank.

The end.
He was rich, he's handsome,
and you broke up with him.

He had no
tactical awareness.

He didn't know
how to shoot.

He didn't know
how many exits were
in a building.

Oh, God! You spoiled me,
Mi-- Michael.

I thought it was
my winning smile.

- [ Gun Cocks ]
- Don't move.

Sugar wants you out.

- She has nothing
to do with this.
- Shut up.

He's right.
Michael, shut up.

I can handle myself.

[ Laughs ]

You really ought
to do something
about your neighbors.

I know, I know.
That was fun.

Yeah.
Shall we?

Yo, Fi, Fi.

Violence is foreplay for you.
It's not for me.

I gotta take care of this,
and then I gotta go to bed.

Good night.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Fi, you know,
I could--

That went well.

Yeah. Sam.
You'll like this.

I found out Vince is calling
all his army buddies, trying
to figure out who you are.

[ Laughs ]
Yeah, good luck with that.
I don't even know.

I'll have 'em
feed him something,
hold him off.

Well, stay on it.
I have a little home improvement
project I have to do.

[ Michael Narrating ]
Once somebody sends
a guy with a gun after you,

things are only going
to get worse.

But like it or not,
you've got work to do.

For a job like getting rid
of the drug dealer next door,

I'll take a hardware store
over a gun any day.

[ Beeps ]

Guns make you stupid.
Better to fight your wars
with duct tape.

Duct tape makes you smart.

Every decent punk has
a bulletproof door.

[ Sugar ]
Who's there?

Hi. It's your neighbor.

But people forget
walls are just plaster.

Hopefully, you get him
with the first shot.

Or the second.

[ Screams ]
My knee! No!

Come on inside!

Now he's down
and waiting for you to come
through the front door.

Come on, mother--

So you don't come
through the front door.

- Come on!
- Don't move. Easy, Vanilla Ice.

Now, you got 20 minutes
to clear out. You understand?
Do you understand?

- Yes, yes, yes!
- The wound is not that bad.

Disinfect it, wrap it in this,
and you get to a hospital,
you won't walk with a limp.

You're still here in 20 minutes,
the limp will be the least of
your problems. Understand me?

Yes.

[ Screams ]

Look, the point is,
you getting burned wouldn't
have happened back then.

I mean, in the '80s,
the rules were the rules.

They had their guys,
we had our guys.

Wasn't so goddamn complicated.
You could get your head
around it.

Now today it's all
about religion and oil.

It's no fun anymore.
I gotta tell you, I'm glad
I got out when I did.

Good morning, Bloody Mary.
Hey, you want some?

No, I'm fine.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Hey, is that
your mom again?
Yup.

All right. There she is.
Pyne's coming out soon.

Ah.

You sure this is a good idea--
you hooking up with her again?

Okay, I'm not
hooking up with her.
That's not what's happening.

I need her
for tactical support.

Is that what they're
calling it these days?
Tactical support?

What about your cab driver?
Is he gonna let me down?

Pierre? Don't worry about him.
I told him I'd give him 50 bucks
to punch me in the face.

That's all
he had to hear.
Yeah, I'd do it for 20.

[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Horns Honking ]

I don't want any excuses.
Now, you're my damn attorney.

I want to know what I can do
about this situation.
Hey!

- What the hell was that?
- Oh, what is that?

- You cut me off!
- You drive two lanes!
You drive in one.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
There are two lanes!

[ Pierre ]
You got a mouth.
You got a problem here?

Yeah, I got
a problem with you!
[ Grunts ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

Okay. Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay.

This man.
Hey, I'm not through
with you, man!

I'm callin'! You got--

I got no problem!

I got your number! Huh?

[ Pyne On Speaker ]
So the bastard just
comes out of nowhere,

breaks into my house,
into my safe.

You can't tell me
a damn thing about him?
We're tryin', sir.

There you go, Mike.
Less than a week in Miami,
you're already making friends.

It doesn't sound like he's
gonna roll over that easy.

These rich guys bite when
you got 'em by the tail.

Call me if he makes any moves.
We'll get about 24 hours
out of that battery.

It's voice-activated,
so you'll hear a beep.
I know the drill, Mike.

You do your thing.

[ Michael Narrating ]
People with happy families
don't become spies.

A bad childhood is the perfect
background for covert ops.

You don't trust anyone.

You're used to
getting smacked around,
and you never get homesick.

I think
I've got a parasite.

You don't have
a parasite.

Pills don't work.
Soon as it reaches
your liver, it's--

The pills are
for you not to think
you're sick all the time.

Yeah, right.
You and the doctor,
you think I'm crazy.

I think he's letting me die
of a parasite 'cause I
can't pay his bill.

Oh, for now, can we
just try these pills?

- I put up the tree.
- Yeah, I can see that.

Did you go see
your brother yet?

'Cause, um, I thought maybe
we could all be, you know,
together for Christmas.

But he's not
returning my calls.

The last time I saw him,
he threw a telephone book
at my head.

So what makes you think
I can make him come home?

Well, remember when you
were six, and-and Daddy
locked you in your room...

and wouldn't let you see
the Star Wars movie?

Well, you just pulled up
the floor and sneaked out
through the heating vent.

I mean, since when was there
ever anything that you wanted
to do that you couldn't do?

Please, Michael. For me.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Michael Narrating ]
Thirty years of karate,

combat experience
on five continents,

a rating with every weapon
that shoots a bullet
or holds an edge.

Still haven't found
any defense against Mom
crying into my shirt.

[ Sobbing ]
[ Sighs ]

Mom, I, uh-- I c--
I can't 'cause I--
I-- I'm gonna-- I'm--

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
Hold on. I'm sorry.
Hold on. Yeah?

[ Sam ]
We got trouble, Mike.
Well, what is it?

Looks like Pyne is trying to
get some leverage of his own.
Listen.

[ Pyne ] Vincent,
you're gonna have to go over
and take the kid.

I don't know what
the hell else to do.

Maybe then we can talk
some sense into Javier.
Jesus, the kid.

Pyne got Javier out of
the house. He had his lawyer
call with some legal thing.

Now the kid is home alone,
and your boy Vince
is on his way over there.

How long ago?
I called as soon
as I heard, brother.

Mom, where's your toolbox?

[ Horn Honking ]

- You're about to get ran over.
- Move over.

Man, damn.
Please don't jack me.
Move over. Move over.

All right. All right.
No, no. This is not
a carjacking.

Don't-- Don't jack me.
It's not a carjacking.
I'm not gonna hurt you.

I just need a big car
with no air bags.
You need a what? [ Screams ]

Where are you taking me?
We're gonna go to
Little Havana for a bit.

Little Havana?
Just let me out. I'll get out.
I'll forget I ever seen you.

I don't have time
to drop you off now.

Oh, watch out
for that car!
[ Screams ]

You gotta get this fixed.
This is really annoying.

I just need to
do something real quick.
What do you need to do?

All right. All right, man.
Slow down. Slow down, all right?

It's almost over, okay?
What does "almost over" mean?

You know, uh,
there's a lot of cops
around this area, dude.

-Sheaun, hold on really tight.
-Why do I have to hold on tight?

- Because--
- Because?

of this.

[ Screams ]

Look what you did
to my car!

Oh, damn!
Look at my car.

[ Michael Narrating ]
Air bags save a lot of lives.

But they also put you out
long enough...

to get your hands cable-tied
to the steering wheel.

I just had this fixed!
Don't go playin'
with my car, man!

Sheaun, there's cash
in his wallet. The Rolex
should take care of the rest.

Cops will be here soon.
I'd be someplace else.

[ Shouts ]
How am I gonna get home?

[ Siren Approaching ]

What's up?
Uh--

Yeah, he's fine.
Do you have a place to stay?

Great.

You'll come get him?
Good.

David, your dad
will be here soon.

You two are gonna stay
with your aunt for a while.

You live here?

I usually stay
at four-star hotels.

I mean, I don't really
have a lot of... stuff.

If you're hungry,
there's a blueberry yogurt
in the fridge.

That black eye--
How'd you get it?

Kids at school.

Yeah? Why?

I don't know.
They don't need
a reason mostly.

Last time,
they took my new shoes.

Time before,
it was just 'cause.

How many were there?
Is it a group or an individual?

It matters, tactically.

It's a group.
They get up in my face and they
start pounding me, okay?

[ Sniffling ]

Are you crying?

You're not crying?

Looks like you're crying.
Don't, okay?

[ Sniffling ]
All right. Don't cry.

All right. Stop.
All right? Here.

You have to lose some fights
so you can learn to win.

I mean, look at this.

I got the crap beat out of me.
I have two black belts,
and they kicked my ass.

So you got nothing to be
ashamed of with me, okay?

I mean, I'm the champ
at gettin' beaten up.

But I'm also
very good at winning.
You want it to stop?

Yeah.
All right.

The key to fighting a group
is taking out its leader.

Take out its leader,
oh, they'll all leave you alone.
It's bully psychology.

Works with third world
military units as well.
When I was in Afghanistan--

Never mind that.
Um, who's the leader?

- His name's Jake.
- Jake?

I'm gonna push you.

When I do that,
drop down into a ball,
like you're scared.

Protect yourself.
Tight up like a ball. Good.

Now, he's gonna
move in and make fun of you.
Keep those elbows tight.

He tries to kick you,
protect that spleen,
protect that liver.

I want you to stand up quick,
hit your head right up
underneath my chin.

And go!
[ Grunts ]

I'm a little dazed.
Make your fist.

One, two, three, four,
and then the five.
That locks it in.

[ Laughs ]
Very good. Good.

Guys, it's like I told you.
There's nothing else. We did
the one job, and that's it.

About the threatening package?
You may not take that seriously,
but the terror task force--

Oh, come on, guys!
He was just making a point.

We're not here
for our health, Sam.

Hi, guys.
Talking about me?
Can I get a coffee?

[ Clears Throat ]
Sam.
Hey, Mike.

You want to introduce me
to your F.B.I. buddies?

-F.B.I.? You got the wrong idea.
-Ford outside has
G-series plates.

You got fast-draw holsters,
off-the-rack suits
and cheap loafers.

No, you guys are feds.
They're feds!

Michael, look.
They came to me. I was
just trying to help you.

It's not like I didn't know.
I've got two known associates
in Miami-- you and Lucy--

and amazingly, you're both
willing to help me?

I know how the game
is played, Sam. I was on
the other side, remember?

So, I'm Michael Westen,
and you are?

Agent Harris.
This is Agent Lane.

Do you even know why
you're following me?
'Cause this whole thing--

Don't know, don't care.
Higher up the food chain.

Great. Let's call your boss.
Maybe he can tell me.

Those aren't our orders.
Our orders are to
keep tabs on you.

- Then you give him a message.
You tell him--
- Sorry.

I do have a message
for you though.

Don't go thinking you
got nothin' to lose.

You got friends,
you got family.

Is that a threat,
Agent Harris?

It's the truth.
Coffee's on me.

- Mike, they got
my pension tied up.
- Sam, Sam.

Look, they said it would be
better for you, that you can do
anything you want basically,

as long as you stay where they
can see you and you don't
'cause any trouble.

Sam, don't sprinkle sugar
on this bull and call it candy.

I'm sorry, Mike.
I don't know what to say.

If I couldn't handle
my friends informing on me,
I wouldn't be in the business.

The way I see it,
better a friend than
someone I don't know.

The way I see it,

a friend would tell them
just enough to make them happy,

but keep 'em out
of my business.

Well, hell, yeah, Mike.
Absolutely.

Good. Good. I gotta go.
I gotta go take care of Pyne.

- You want me to come along?
It's the least I can do.
- [ Laughs ]

No. I can handle it.

Good luck, Mike.

[ Michael Narrating ]
When you work solo,
it's about prepping the ground.

Home court advantage
counts for a lot.

You never know
what's going to happen.
You prepare for everything.

Most bad guys expect you
to just sit there
and wait for them...

like those are the rules
or something.

[ Ringing ]

[ Javier On Phone ]
Hello. Hello. Who's this?

He's there.

[ Car Warning Bell Dinging ]

Hi there.

- Where is he?
- Uh, Javier?

He's not here.
Listen, we need to talk.

I'm not screwing around.
Where the hell is he?

[ Slowly ]
He's not here.

Anything
you need to say to him,
you can say to me.

I'm done talking,
Mr. Westen.

I don't know how in the hell
you got in my safe, but I
want to make it clear--

- I will not be intimidated.
- Well, neither will I.

By the way, Vince, you're gonna
have a hard time blowing my
brains out with the safety on.

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Gunshot ]

Whoa! Hey, the safety was off.
What do you know? My mistake.

[ Gunshots ]

Vince, what the hell?

[ Vince Grunting ]

- [ Groaning ]
- ** [ Whistling ]

[ Michael Narrating ]
If you're going to
put prints on a gun,

sticking it into somebody's hand
isn't going to do it.

Any decent lawyer
can explain prints on a gun.
Ow, ow!

But try explaining prints
on the inside
of the trigger assembly.

Who--

Who was doing
all the shooting?
We have a special guest.

This bad boy.
[ Laughs ]

.357 Magnum loaded with blanks,
duct taped to a flare.

Sounded like the real thing,
didn't it?

- I need a hospital.
- Yeah, in a sec. We're talking.

You shot your buddy here,
Mr. Pyne.

And this--
[ Laughs ] this--

this here is
a crime lab's wet dream.

Mmm.
What do you want?

In a second.
I'm not done with
my show-and-tell.

[ Pyne's Voice ]
Vincent, you're gonna have to
go over and take the kid.

I don't know
what the hell else to do.

That is you plotting
a kidnapping. That's
hard time, federal time.

- At your age, that's
the rest of your life.
- Tell me what you want!

Vince here confesses
to the robbery.

Javier gets severance pay,
five years, with benefits--
and dental.

That's very important.
And never sees your mug again.

And you know what?
For Christmas, throw in
a college fund for David.

How does that sound?
Well, let's get you outta here.

This will be a murder weapon
in 20 minutes if Vince doesn't
get to the hospital.

And the documents--
the financial information?

We'll see how good
of a boy you are.

'Cause I'll be watching.

I cleaned up your place
pretty well, but you're gonna
have to replace the carpet.

But no one's gonna bother
you or your family again.
You can go home.

Thank you. I don't--
I don't know how
to say, but--

Don't worry about it.

[ Children Chattering ]

Come on!

[ Knocking ]

- Yeah?
- Can I borrow your binoculars?

Um--

I know you got some in there
and you're not using them...

because
you need 'em to see me,
and I'm right here, so--

Please?

[ Children ]
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

[ Michael Narrating ]
As a spy, it doesn't matter...

if you're helping rebel forces
fight off a dictator...

or giving combat tips
to a third-grader.

There's nothing
like helping the little guy
kick some bully's ass.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

There's nothing worse
for a spook than knowing
you're being played.

Someone is pulling strings.

Who?
Not some intelligence agency
bureaucrat in a cubicle.

This is someone
with more style.

Not F.B.I. either.

They're not this creative
and they don't do surveillance
on their own guys.

This is someone
who knows what he's doing,

someone who wants
to send a message.

"Welcome to Miami."