Bullet in the Face (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Drug of Choice - full transcript

(Gunfire on TV)

(Man in game screaming)

Shit!

(Laughs)

What was that?

It's just that
weird kid in his room.

He's too old for a babysitter.

But I'm not.

(Chuckles)

I need you to just
sit on this, baby.

You say the most
romantic things.



(Gasps)

Ah, finally!

(Sighs)

(Groaning)

(Man gasps)

(Gasps, screams)

(Bird chirping)

(Bird squawks, clang)

♪ Is he good?
Is he bad? ♪

♪ Psychopath or sexy cad? ♪

♪ Sinner or saint?
The sinner fell ♪

♪ But the saint
wound up in hell ♪

♪ We took his face ♪

♪ Gave him another ♪



♪ He changed his place ♪

♪ Bullet in the face ♪

(Chatter on radio)

Poor woman.

(Whistles)

A single mother goes on
her first date in months

and comes home
to this. Tragic.

What about the poor guy?

Hope he still got laid.

You personally requested
this case, Gunter. Why?

(Chuckles)

I find it delightful.

If children are our future,
this kid is the apocalypse.

Restores my faith
in the young people.

(Woman sobbing)

You're the mother of
the boy who did this, yes?

Klaus was a good boy.

He never did
anything wrong before.

Guess this makes him
a late bloomer.

I have no idea
where he got that gun.

When I was his age,

the only weapon I could get
my hands on was a meat cleaver.

I would have killed for a gun.

Gunter! Even for you,
this is despicable.

You're disturbing a woman
already very disturbed.

I did not see a
"Do Not Disturb" sign

on the door, Mr. Goodbar.

How should I behave, hmm?

She is grieving.

Just don't contradict
anything she says.

(Sighs)

All my hopes and dreams
are bundled in this boy.

I can't help but feel
that somehow all of this is

somehow my fault.

(Crying)

It is. You are
completely to blame.

You should have
used birth control.

(Gasps, sobbing)

This boy shows promise!

I see the makings
of a fine sociopath.

Not funny. The boy's
life has been ruined.

We have to find out why.

I already know.

He's part of the necessary evil
that makes life interesting.

Think how many entertaining
movies there are

thanks to Hitler.

Without him, would
Sophie have a choice?

Would Schindler have a list?

Would Jurassic have a park?

(Laughing)

What made you this way, Gunter?

Didn't your mother hold you?

She did...
underneath the bath water.

But I could hold my breath.

I was bred on the
dark side, Hagerman.

And I'm wearing someone
else's goddamn face.

(Laughing)

Let's see what we find here.

My daughters are always
spending hours online,

talking to cute boys.

Huh... Do they
screen them for you?

I see a lot of
emails from friends,

but only one with
a fascination for guns.

A kid named Fassbinder.

I didn't know computer people
also loved guns.

The gun and the computer
mouse are very similar.

They both point and click.

(Making popping noise)

Checkmate.

Herr Tannhauser, you pay me
handsomely to practise with you,

but I always feel so guilty
about beating you.

Well, you shouldn't.

Because you have won
merely battles.

Games are battles.
I will win wars.

Still doesn't help
you beat me though.

I didn't beat you this time.
Maybe next time.

I just got off the phone
with your new partner.

The drug shipment arrived
in Tangier undetected.

The delivery method
you devised was a success.

Now this, this is checkmate!

Checkmate against Racken.

Racken, who considers himself

a wannabe
drug-trafficking king.

I will crush him.

I will best him with my
knowledge honed from this board,

honed from your mind,
sucked into my mind,

and then blown out
in a very usable way.

Racken may be
a master of Parcheesi,

but I will be
a master of chess.

Look at you. Do you know
if it's a boy or a girl?

Yes! Do you know if it's
gonna be a boy or a girl?

Ultrasound you're supposed
to send me. Where?

Is he a girl or is she a boy?

Maybe it doesn't
matter. Maybe...

Whether he is a she
or she is a he,

it does not matter,
for they will be a masterpiece.

(Chuckles)

And why? For they possess
the seed of a god!

Which is me.

(Inhales deeply)

Hmm...

We got a urine sample
from the boy.

- How did you get that?
- When he peed on my leg.

Somebody get me
adoption papers.

It says there are
designer drugs in his system.

How does a kid
afford designer drugs?

We can't question him

in this psychotic episode
we're watching.

I will give him
a commercial break.

Let me in to
speak with the boy.

Please, God, no.

I have a way
with kids, Hagerman.

I've used several as hostages.

Fetch me a blow-dryer.

I'm sure you keep one
on you at all times

somewhere in your man purse.

It's in my locker.

Guten tag! My little
intern of evil!

Hmm...

You've had a busy day.

You killed 2 people,

but you missed
your school lunch.

You are bad to the bone.

And your bones of
contention need nutrition.

Therefore, I brought snacks.

Yes! Kids love
popcorn, huh?

But before we party,

you will tell me
where you got the gun.

And who is your friend
named Fassbinder, hmm?

All right, devil boy,
it's party time!

(Klaus gagging,
Gunter laughing)

Ah! Heh heh!

(Popcorn popping)

Oh, oh!

(Laughing)

Poppity, poppity, poppity!

(Coughing)

Answer me or
I will ferment beer

and serve it in your asshole
to war veterans.

Huh? Who is Fassbinder?

He's my friend from school.
He gave me the gun.

And the drugs? Did they
come from him too, huh?

(Laughing)

(Bell ringing)

Klaus was a model student.

It anguished me to
give him failing grades.

His father had left him.
He was feeling very abandoned.

(Hagerman): Children benefit
from a strong father figure.

Yes. When I ran
away from home,

my father adopted
a child the same age

to continue the abuse.

You two, you're supposed to be
studying the Thousand Year War!

Stop fighting!

(Girl vomiting)

You have no control
over your kids.

You cannot control children,
only guide them.

- Do you have children?
- Not yet.

You're a very handsome man.

Are you seeing anyone?

Yeah, I'm seeing you.

Tell us about a student
named Fassbinder.

Fassbinder isn't a student.
He's the custodian.

Klaus bonded with him.

He looked for a father figure.

And where were you?
Who's your daddy?

(Gasps)

Is Fassbinder here today?

Actually, that's him.

Fassbinder, we'd like
a few words with you,

as well as complete sentences.

(Giggling)

(Two gunshots)

Listen up!

(Gunter laughing)

Gunter, Gunter, Gunter!

Gunter!

Gunter, for the love of God!

This is a big game.

And I am a big-game hunter.

Drop the gun, Fassbinder,
or I will shoot you.

And not only will
you drop the gun,

you'll drop with it,
because you'll both be dead.

I mean, the gun won't be dead,
but you will both drop.

Shut up, Hagerman!

The next shot I make
is your head,

and it's a slam dunk!

He's having a heart attack.

I'll give him
the breath of life.

That's for drowning
victims, Hagerman.

Are you using your tongue?

Fassbinder died
of cardiac arrest

and, apparently,
Hagerman's inability

to choose the right form
of resuscitation.

Read my lips, Hagerman. CPR!

Fassbinder was pumped up
on more drugs than the boy.

Well, he was taller.

A dangerous mix
of barbiturates,

hallucinogens and amphetamines.

It was crazy-making,
and he was already crazy.

Who would supply a student and
a janitor with designer drugs?

I found that in the kid's room.

Same drinks were also in
the school's vending machines.

The drinks are spiked.

And since energy drinks
taste like goat piss,

the drugs mixed right in.

Figures you're
an expert on drugs.

Long time junkie are you?

No, casual user.

I'd shoot heroine,

then lay in a hammock screaming
about how sunshine tickled.

Shut up, Hagerman!

I didn't say anything.

Preemptive.

Leistungsbedarf

is a new energy drink
we're test marketing.

I'm outraged that someone
has tampered with our product.

It's bad enough what they're
doing to us in the States.

Trying to get children to eat
more fruits and vegetables?

Could perhaps a disgruntled
employee be the culprit?

I don't have
disgruntled employees.

Everybody loves me,

even the stockholders
pinch my cheeks.

Very well.

We'll return tomorrow with a
warrant to search the premises.

Thank you for your time...

and the free ginger ale.

(Slurping)

I've always preferred
hard liquor,

ever since I was 3.

Ah... Ooh!

(Makes popping noise)

(Clears throat)

What did those
well-groomed men want?

Shipments of Leistungsbedarf

were only supposed
to go to Tangier,

as per Tannhauser's
instructions.

Some cans found their way

into local vending machines!

Well, the-- the truck drivers
must have screwed up!

What do we do?

Please, I'm weak.

I must be told.

We do the same as
if you were at home

with just a little drugs.

But in this case,
we have a lot.

You want me to swallow them?

Close, my dear.

(Siren blaring)

(Gasps)

Don't touch me, you pig.

I heard my friend died,
Mr. Fassbinder.

Did you kill him?

No. The people who tampered
with your drinks are to blame.

Actually, you're lucky.

You will not be held
accountable for your crimes.

You were out of
your mind on drugs.

Most that will happen is

you will spend a few years
in a mental home,

enjoying lots of bread pudding
and nature documentaries.

I don't believe you.

And you shouldn't.

You shouldn't trust
anything anyone tells you.

Adults lie to kids
all the time.

Politicians tell you,
"Stay in school,"

but they were poor students.

Priests tell you
not to touch yourself,

but they touch you.

Cops tell you not to use drugs

but get drunk
and crash their car

into a special-needs
school bus.

You're lying to me.
I don't trust your face.

Neither do I.

It's not mine.

Civilization is a prison.

And the only human beings
who are truly free

are criminals.

I have a child coming.

I hope it's a boy and
it's just like you, Klaus.

The world is a wicked place

and deserves to be punished
for its hypocrisies.

These hurt.

My bad.

Then I shall set you free.

I'm running late for a tryst.

When a man is late, he's cool.

When a woman is late,
she's pregnant.

Remember, always wear
watches and condoms.

The drug shipment
was compromised.

The trucks delivered
the drugs to local vendors.

This is Racken!

He controls the trucking. God!

That bizarre
toothbrush of a man!

I do not like him.

And who is telling him
my plans?

Colour me pissed off!

Dortmunder says he's dumping
the remainder of the shipment.

That is a mistake!

Ultrasound.
Do you have ultra--

Where are you?
Ultrasound, do you have it?

This is inside you?

Oh! Oh, no,
it's much more...

All right.

No, that looks weird too.

This looks like something
in a tumble dryer.

But I suppose that's
what's actually happening.

Must be your strange
gypsy genes. Well done!

Ah!

Oh! Are you all right?

I have a hard time
getting a good night's sleep.

Oh my goodness!
It is hard.

I don't have school
until later.

Right now, I have no class.

I noticed.

Oh!

(Moaning)

Oh yes!

(Cell vibrating)

What do you want?
I'm in the middle of a woman!

Careful, that is how
you get girls pregnant.

You never call to chitchat.

A Ouija board is more social.
What do you want?

Tannhauser is growing more
suspicious the baby is not his.

Goo-goo, gaga!

This is not the time
for baby talk.

Fine, but we will have
to discuss this problem

soon enough.

No, no, Martine!

(Giggling)

You're a very popular man.

I feel very lucky
you could squeeze me in.

(Cell vibrating)

Good, good.
Glad you called.

I am ready to talk about
our relationship.

Well, I appreciate
that, Gunter.

But we don't have time
for that right now.

I need you to get down to
the station. It's urgent.

Yeah, I'm coming. I'm...

(Panting):
I'm coming soon.

(Chuckles)

Never underestimate
company loyalty.

Some people even
brought their children

to help dispose of the drugs.

Your quick thinking saved us.

You're a fine leader.

Oh...

But what about Tannhauser?

Oh, he's clearly a class act.
He sent me a box of cigars.

Allow me to get
you some matches.

Smart girl.

(Beeping)

(Woman on TV): We have many
reporters out in the field,

but we've lost touch
with more...

Assure city officials that I
will put a lid on this cauldron!

It's a metaphor, idiot!

Gunter, did you see
all the people

running wild in the streets,
looting, crashing cars?

Nobody knows what's causing it.

It's the world going to hell.

Let's skywrite instructions
how to commit suicide,

help the undecided.

What is in this cup?

Drugs. Are hard narcotics
part of some healthcare plan?

They're so easy
to get in this city.

The water supply
must be contaminated.

How could this be happening?

I'm gonna have to

go on television today
and warn the public.

How do I look?
Any smile lines?

- Ugh!
- Gunter...

You're disappointed,
aren't you?

Everything that's happening
around us, it isn't evil.

It's chemicals.

That poor boy was
under the influence,

and you convinced
him he was bad.

I'd pray for your soul,
but you don't have one.

Hagerman, you're like a
snowflake that doesn't melt.

(Cell vibrating)

Who is this?

(Klaus):
I've taken your advice.

I've gone back to school.

Back where I will be
what I was meant to be...

(Click)

...bad.

Please don't do this.

- Move.
- Please...

Officer, what's happening?

Students and teachers
are rampaging.

We called in sharpshooters.

Oh, and one crazy boy
has taken a hostage.

That's his mother.

(Sirens wailing)

I'll talk to the boy.

(Man):
Jenkins, around the back!

Just me.

(Crying)

Guten tag. See?

I'm not trusting adults.

I'm gonna kill this woman
and get all the credit.

Please watch me.

No, no, no!

You do not want
to harm this woman.

You have already
killed 2 people,

and there is something called
the Third Reich-- sorry--

third-strike law.

Fate had dealt us
both bad cards.

But I was already guilty.

You can still get out of here.

But she deserves to die
for giving me bad grades!

Son, my bad. My evil.

I was wrong about you.
This is not who you are.

Besides, look at her.

(Gunter chuckles)

She's not worth
wasting a bullet on, hmm?

No woman is.
They're weak, like butterflies.

And this woman is
particularly worthless.

Let her go, boy.
Let her go.

Hmm?

Slowly give the gun
to your teacher.

Yes.

Huh? Ah, ah!

Drop it!
I'm referring to the gun.

(Groaning)

- Oh!
- Mom?

There are EMTs
who can help you.

No! I was only shot in
the face, like I always am.

And the more it happens,

the more I love it!

(Gunter laughing manically)

Checkmate.

But you're
definitely improving.

For a moment, I thought
you were gonna beat me.

And you're right.

(Grunting)

(Slurping)

He said I was getting better.