Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 5, Episode 14 - Crush - full transcript

Previously on
Buffy the vampire slayer.

- Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey.
- Because you are.

"They had to be certain the slayer
would protect it with her life,

so they sent the key to her
in the form of a sister."

- I'm not real.
- You're the key.

Go. Before she finds you.
Don't...

She's here.

Ben. He was here.
He was trying to help me.

He might've left before glory came.
I can't remember.

♪♪

♪ I'm amused
by the overwhelming choices ♪



♪ I guess the hardest part
is knowing when to stop ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm confused and I
think I'm hearing voices ♪

♪ 'Cause you're happening so fast
gonna save the best for last ♪

♪♪ Bleedin' crime is what it is.

Jackin' up the bar price to pay
for fixin' up this sinkhole.

Not my fault the insurance
doesn't cover "act of troll."

Gee. Maybe it's time you found
a new place to patronize.

I've half a mind to, especially
since the flowering onion...

Got remodeled right off
the soddin' menu.

That's the only thing this
place had going for it.

What are you doing? What
do you mean, what am i...

Here... at this table,

talking to me like we're some
kind of talking buddies?

Well, I saw you
sittin' here alone.



Thought, I don't know, you could maybe
do with a bit of, you know, company.

Suit yourself.

Well...

It's just, we took on that
glory chippie together.

I was right there with you,
fightin' the fight.

Actually, you were sleeping the
sleep of the knocked unconscious.

Yeah. Still, points for intent.
You'd think that would be enough...

To cut me a sliver of slack, earn
me a little consideration, respect.

Hey, evil dead,
you're in my seat.

Bugger it.

Xander, I think you may
have hurt his feelings.

And you should never hurt the
feelings of a brutal killer.

You know, that's actually
some pretty good advice.

So, who's up for some more
liquid refreshments?

- I'm buying, for I am payday man.
- I could use a water.

Water poses no challenge for
payday man, for I have...

Hey, where's my change?

Spike, you diabolical fiend.

- Poor wil.
- Still getting those headaches?

Fewer and further between,
but, yep.

They're still exercising
their visitation rights.

Honey, in case you didn't hear me the first
6,000 times, no more teleportation spells.

Well, it's just we have squat in
the way of glory-fighting arsenal,

and another run-in
with her,

and my headaches and nosebleeds are
gonna be the least of our problems.

You know what? This is the first
"r and r" I've had in weeks.

How about we go one night without
saying the name "glory"?

I'm down with that. Let's just call "she
who will not be named" another name.

- Let's just call her...
- Ben.

- For example.
- I'll be right back.

Ben. Hey.
Buffy, hi.

I barely recognized you
without your hospital scrubs.

Oh, you'd be surprised the
extent of my wardrobe. Really?

I actually have entire outfits
that aren't blue pajamas.

Um, my sister, uh, told me what
happened at the hospital...

Right before I got there.
Uh-huh.

And I just wanted
to say thanks...

For looking after her.

That's okay.
I'm glad dawn's all right.

The point is, I work hard for that money.
And you're saying I didn't?

You stole it. And you're
making it into very hard work.

Listen, bleach boy. I don't
have a chip in my head.

I can do far more damage to you
than you can ever do to me.

Yeah?

Like you could
ever hurt me.

Play one of the best new FPS shooters,
search Steam for PROJECT WARLOCK

Sunnydale station.
Last stop this line.

Oh, god!
Oh, please!

Help me!
Somebody, please!

Help me! Somebody!

- Buffy?

- Back by popular demand.
- Did you have a nice time?

You know, I think I did.
Much-needed fun,

apart from Willow's headaches
and spike's cameo appearance.

Spike was there?

Unfortunately. Well, I'm
relieved that you're home,

'cause, to be honest, I wasn't feeling
all that safe with you gone...

At first...

And then I remembered
that Rupert was here,

and I felt much, much safer. Yes.
Thank you for the little backpedal,

but I'm forced to agree that I'm barely an
adequate substitute for a slayer in the house.

- Good night.
- Good night.

So, how is dawn?
She's coping very well...

Extremely well, considering the
extraordinary circumstances of her origin.

Then let me
ask you something.

Um... we've been going easy
on her the last week,

letting things slide. Oh, I
don't think that's at all wise.

You don't? About the best
thing you can do now...

Is behave exactly
as you always have.

Any special treatment at this stage is likely
to undermine dawn's sense of normality.

You think so?
Absolutely.

Thanks.

- Dawn!
- What?

What did I tell you about borrowing my
clothing? I didn't take your clothes.

- Bull!
- I never touched your stuff.

Really? Then what happened
to my blue cashmere sweater?

Spikey.

Aren't you coming to bed?

I'm not tired.

Me neither.

Don't you want
to come in and...

Tire me out?

Harm, really not
in the mood right now.

You're never in the mood.

We could do something
different tonight.

Like what, you stop
yammering for two seconds?

Well, we could...

I don't know...

Maybe play a game?

Oh, I'm gonna stake you.

I'm coming after you,
you bad, evil vampire,

and I'm gonna slay you!

I'm sneaking up, and I'm
gonna stake you so much...

With my slaying powers that I
have, because I'm the chosen...

Whoo! Ohh!

Oh, spike.

I just don't see why he
couldn't end up with Esmerelda.

They could have had the wedding right
there, beneath the very bell tower...

Where he labored thanklessly
for all those years.

No. See, it can't...
It can't end like that,

'cause all of Quasimodo's actions
were selfishly motivated.

He had no moral compass,
no understanding of right.

Everything he did he did out of love for a
woman who'd never be able to love him back.

Also, you can tell it's not gonna have a
happy ending when the main guy's all bumpy.

What did you think,
Buffy?

The test isn't till tomorrow, right?
I don't have an opinion till then.

But you read it,
right?

Kind of not.
I rented the movie.

Oh, with, um...
With Charles Laughton?

I don't know. Was he one
of the singing gargoyles?

Oh, boy.
I... I'm kidding.

You're done with this? Yeah, hi.
Uh, kind of reading that?

"Six found murdered on train
at sunnydale station."

Glory?

"Unconfirmed reports of severe trauma to the
throats of one or more of the victims."

Survey says... vampire.

Oh, it's you. What are you
doing here lurking about?

I'm not lurking.

I'm looking.
What are you doing?

Nothing.

So, is that how you get
around town in the daytime?

I mean, does that lead into
the sewers or something?

Can you show me?
No.

Why are you...

Does Buffy know
you're here?

Huh! Yeah, right.

'Cause nothing would make her happier
than to find out I'm hanging out...

After school in
a vampire's lair.

Especially yours.

Go home then.

- I don't feel like it right now.
- Well, you can't bloody well stay here.

Why not? Because I've
got things to do.

Bad, evil things...

That are not
for a child's eyes.

I'm not a child.

I'm not even human.

Not originally.

Yeah, well,
originally, I was.

I got over it.

Doesn't seem to me it matters
very much how you start out.

That's smart.

I get that.

I like how you talk to me
like I can understand things.

Everyone else is being
all twitchy and secretive.

They're just trying to
keep you safe, I expect.

I feel safe with you.

- Take that back!
- I mean, you have the whole super power thing,

and you're just
as tough as Buffy is.

Maybe tougher.
Buffy thinks so too.

She does?

Well, she's always worried
about what she's gonna do...

- If you ever get that chip out of your head.
- Is that right?

So, um...

What else does Buffy
say about me?

- Hey!
- Dawn?

No. It's me.

Is dawn with you?
Isn't she here?

No, she didn't come home
from school today.

Oh, Buffy, the news said something
about people murdered...

It's not glory. It has nothing
to do with dawn. I promise.

Look, she probably...

I'll find her.

And the lady
just invited you in?

Well, I had hubby
by the throat, didn't I?

Promised her he'd live
if she did the invite.

And did you...
Let him live?

What do you think?
Too much for you?

No. Keep going.

And I kill 'em.

Right quick.
The whole lot.

But...
There's someone missing.

There's supposed to be...

This little girl...

So, I get real quiet...

And I hear this tiny noise
coming from the coal bin.

This little sigh.

So, I listened harder.
It's very, very quiet.

- Oh, bloody hell.
- Spike, I need your help. Dawn is...

Here.

Spike was just telling a story, and he
was just at this really cool part...

What the hell is this?
What is she doing here?

- Just hanging out.
- Here?

Can you please let him finish the
story, then you could do the lecture?

Yeah. Okay.

Let's hear the story that spike
is telling my little sister.

Right. Yeah.

So, uh, I knew the girl
was in the coal bin.

And I rip it open, very
violent, haul her out of there.

And then I give her
to a good family...

In a nice home where they're
never, ever mean to her...

And didn't lock her
in a coal bin.

What?
That's so lame.

I was just about to send her home.
I knew you'd be fretting.

Dawn, get your stuff.
We're getting out of here.

Why doesn't that register with you?
Crypt plus vampire equals bad.

'Cause it was spike.

Hanging out with spike
is not cool, dawn, okay?

It is... it is
dangerous and icky.

I don't think spike's icky. Yeah,
well, think again, sister.

You have a crush on him.
No, I don't.

It's just...
He's got cool hair...

And he wears cool
leather coats and stuff.

And he doesn't treat me
like an alien.

He's a killer, dawn. You cannot
have a crush on something...

That is dead
and evil and a vampire.

Right. That's why you were never
with angel for three years.

Angel's different.
He has a soul.

Spike has a chip.
Same diff.

I can't listen to this!

Spike is a monster, okay?

And plus, you are
only 14 years old.

I like hanging out
with him is all.

And even if I did have a crush, he
wouldn't notice in a million years.

- Not with you around.
- What does that mean?

Spike's totally into you.

Oh, come on.
You didn't notice?

Buffy, spike's completely
in love with you.

Huh?

So, tell me again
what we're looking for.

Clues.
Okay.

Could you give me a clue
about what kind of clues?

Something. Anything.

Just want to know
this was a vamp attack.

If it was, how many
we're talking about.

Well, sunnydale's finest didn't leave
us a lot of stuff to examine and...

- Who knows how many people have traipsed through here.
- Xander?

- What?
- Never mind.

It's just that...

Dawn said that...

- Yeah?
- Forget it.

Buffy.

She thinks that...

She said that...

Spike's in love with me.

I'm not joking.

Oh, I hope not.
It's funnier if it's true.

I'm serious.
Xander, this is serious.

You're right.

It's creepy.

No, not creepy.

'Cause it's not real.

I mean, how upset can you really get
over one of spike's fevered daydreams...

That's not gonna happen?
I guess.

So, where did dawn...

How did she come to this extremely
entertaining conclusion?

She was hanging out
with spike.

I think she has a crush on him.
What?

I mean, I always knew that he had
this weird fixation with me...

- I'm the one she has a crush on. Me!
- There's nothing here. Let's go.

It's always been me.
Big, funny Xander.

Oh, what? She just suddenly decides
I'm not the cool one anymore?

Why is that okay?

But what they didn't get was that it
was a copy of the bill of lading.

So they thought that
it was another order form.

So now I've got two shipments
of Greek amphorae on my hands.

That's funny. And really, how
many do you need? Amphorae.

Oh, Buffy.

Spike came by to apologize for yesterday.
Our missing-child drama.

And he just decided
to hang out for a while?

Well, I got talking about the gallery.
See, there was this...

Oh, don't get us all
laughing again, Joyce.

- Anyhow, I really need to talk to your eldest.
- What about?

I got a bit of info you
might be keen on knowing.

Sorry. All out of cash. Why don't
you hit on Giles... hit up Giles.

I got a bead on the guy
who killed those people.

The ones on the train.
Do tell.

I'll do better than that.
I'll show.

What's the matter?
Nothing.

Just...

Two vamps holed up
in a warehouse downtown.

Come on. What are you waiting for?
Grab your coat and your pointy sticks.

Hey!

Eww. It's not blood.
It's bourbon.

Eww.

Suit yourself.

♪♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪♪

Do you like the Ramones?

So, if you're not doing this for
the money, why are you... shh!

The slayer.

Well,
that was sad.

I'm embarrassed
for our kind.

So, should we chase
after 'em then?

They couldn't
have gone far.

These vamps have been here for a while.
They've nested.

So, you're saying they're
a couple of poofters?

No. I'm saying they had nothing
to do with last night's murders.

How do you figure? Whoever did it
only arrived in town last night.

Looks like you've
wasted my time.

Uhh!

- What are you doing?
- I... uh, it was...

I wasn't thinking.
What is this?

Oh, c... don't get your
knickers twisted! I was...

What is this?

The late-night stakeout, the
bogus suspects, the flask.

Is this a date?
A...

Please!
A date!

You are completely
off your bird.

I mean... do you
want it to be?

Uhh. Oh, my god.

Oh. Oh, no.

Are you out of your mind?
It's not so unusual.

Two people... In the workplace.
Feelings develop.

No! No, no, feelings do not develop.
No feelings.

You can't deny it. There's
something between us.

- Loathing. Disgust.
- Heat. Desire.

- Please. Spike, you're a vampire!
- Angel was a vampire.

Angel was good. And I can be too.
I've changed, Buffy.

What, that chip in your head?
That's not change.

That's just holding you back. You're
like a serial killer in prison!

Women marry 'em all the time!
Uhh!

Uh, but I'm not like that.

Something's happening to me. I
can't stop thinking about you.

Uhh. And if that means turning my
back on the whole evil thing...

You don't know what you mean. You
don't know what feelings are.

I damn well do!
I lie awake every night.

You sleep during the day!
Yeah, but...

You are missing the point.
This is real here.

I love...
Don't!

Don't say it.

I'm going. Oh, come on.
We need to talk.

We don't need to
do anything, okay?

There is no we.
Understand?

Buffy.

Who's there?

A happy memory,
pretty spike.

Look who's come to make
everything right again.

So, uh, let me
get this straight.

Darla got mojo-ed back from the beyond.
You vamped her.

And now she and you are
working on turning angel...

Into his own bad self again.
Mm-hmm.

Sounds fun.
It is.

Like lollipops
at the circus.

Although... didn't care for
angelus setting us on fire.

And this has got you, what,
all nostalgic now, has it?

I want us to be a family again,
my William.

Come back with me.

To Los Angeles?

I've done the whole
L.A. scene, dru.

Didn't agree with me.

Besides... hmm? I've got a sweet
little setup here in sunny-d.

Decent digs... Not to mention all
the tasty townies I can eat.

Naughty. Shh.

You needn't
make up stories.

I already know why
you're not coming.

Poor boy.

Tin soldiers put funny little
knickknacks in your brain.

Can't hunt. Can't hurt.
Can't kill.

You've got a chip.

Right. So you've heard.

Poor spike's become a cautionary
tale for vampires, right?

"You better be good, kiddies, or else
they might wire you up someday."

I don't believe in science.

All those bits and molecules
no one's ever seen.

I trust eyes
and heart alone.

And do you know what mine
is singing out right now?

You're a killer.

Born to slash
and bash and...

Oh! Bleed like
beautiful poetry.

No little Tinkertoy could
ever stop you from flowing.

Yeah.
Ohh.

But the pain...
Love, you don't understand.

It's... it's searing.
It's blinding.

All in your head.

I can see it.
Little bit of plastic...

Spiderwebbing out
nasty blue shocks,

and every one is a lie.

Electricity lies, spike.

It tells you you're not
a bad dog, but you are.

What the heck is this?

Oh, bloody hell.

Who is...
Oh, wait. I get it.

Our little sex game was
just the beginning.

Now you've gone and picked up
some cheap queen of the damned...

To dress up like
your precious "Druidzilla."

Harm... you better not be thinking
what I think you're thinking,

'cause my answer is
the same as always.

No threesomes unless it's boy, boy, girl.
Or Charlize Theron.

Harm, you moron,
this is drusilla.

- Oh.
- Well.

You've got some nerve showing up
here like this after all this time.

- After breaking my sweet
boo-boo's heart!

Do you have any idea
how hard it's been...

To break down the walls
he put up after you left?

I mean, serious trust issues.
Harm...

So it's no use,
you crawling back to him,

'cause spikey don't play
that game anymore, Morticia.

It's been fun while
it lasted, harm,

but I think it'd be best
now if you hit the road.

Uh!

Why?
Because she's back?

No.

Because I am.

Huh!
And there you are,

my darling, deadly boy.

Well, he...
He actually told you?

He said,
"I love you"?

Well, I didn't let him get that far,
but I could see the words coming.

Honey, did you somehow, unintentionally,
lead him on in any way?

- Send him signals?
- Well...

I do beat him up a lot.

- For spike, that's like third base.
- Ohh!

Buffy, um, I'm
really worried.

- So am I. He could become dangerous.
- Not really.

I mean, as long as it's still
"chips ahoy" in spike's head,

he can't hurt me
or any of us.

You know, besides, this'll
probably just blow over. You know?

It's just some weird
spike thing.

He'll have the hots for some
gak demon before we know it.

I don't know. These things can...
can become pretty twisted.

Yeah, and spike.
I mean, he's...

Pretty twisted.
Yeah.

Well, you made it clear, right?
That it could never happen.

That there's no
possible way ever.

Yeah. I... I think so.

I don't know.
I was just so thrown.

Well, Buffy, you have
to talk to him again.

What? No! No, no, no.

- I have to avoid him again.
- Not until you shut him down completely.

If he thinks there's even a little chance
with you, there's no telling what he'll do.

♪ And this time ♪

♪ I'm staying ♪

♪ To bury ♪

♪ The trail that you left ♪

♪ You left ♪

♪ And if I was cold ♪

♪ Well then you would stay ♪

♪ Inside me ♪

♪ Warm me ♪

♪ Here I'm safe ♪♪

I know this is hard, honey, but I
think you made the right decision.

Better to nip this in the bud
before... the bud nips me.

Exactly.

If you want, Buffy, I can go with.
Back you up with some scowlin'.

Thanks, but I think
this is something...

I have to do myself.

Besides, you know,
maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe this whole thing's just
been blown way out of proportion,

and he's already gone back to
wanting me dead. Here's hopin'.

You know what though? There is one thing
you can do for me while I'm gone.

♪ I told you ♪

♪ Just like I told everyone ♪

♪ I still have some doubts ♪

♪ That you are the reason ♪

♪ Still this is just so hard ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I know that
I'll be left like always ♪

♪ Always ♪

♪ Here I'm safe ♪

♪ So here I stay ♪

♪ Lift me out ♪

♪ Lift the doubt ♪♪

Spike?

Are you here?

Spike?

See anything interesting?

Spike. I...

What... eh...

- What happened?
- Me.

Aah!

You remember my ex,
don't you, slayer?

Come back,
she did.

Couldn't live
without me.

My boy's been feeding again. I
know what he really wants to eat.

Uh!

Shall we tie her up?

Play with her
a teensy bit first.

I'm through playing.
Ooh!

I like it when you're all dour
and straight-to-business-like.

Aah!

Bloody well
through playing.

There she is.

I was beginning to think
you'd sleep the night away.

Dru? Drusilla?

Not nice to change the game
in mid-play, spike.

You've taken my chair, and
the music hasn't stopped.

Sorry, pet.
My house, my rules.

I think I shall be very cross
with you when I'm free again.

What's going on? Simple.
I'm gonna prove something.

I love you.
Oh, my god.

Hey, no. Look at me.

I... love you.
Uh!

You're all I
bloody think about...

Dream about.

You're in my gut...

In my throat.

I'm drowning in you, summers.
I'm drowning in you.

I can do without
the laugh track, dru.

But it's so funny.

I knew...
Before you did.

I knew you
loved the slayer.

The pixies in my head
whispered it to me.

You can't tell me that there isn't
anything there between you and me.

I know you feel something.
It's called revulsion.

And whatever you think you're
feeling, it's not love.

You can't love
without a soul.

Oh, we can, you know.

We can love quite well...
If not wisely.

You still don't believe. You
still don't think I mean it.

You want proof, huh?
How's this?

I'm gonna kill
drusilla for you.

That doesn't prove anything, except that
you're a sick, miserable vampire...

That I should've
dusted a long time ago.

- And, hey! Already there.
- Don't mock this.

- Go mock yourself.
- This is drusilla, girl!

Do you have the slightest
idea what she means to me?

It's the face
of my salvation.

She delivered me
from mediocrity.

For over a century, we cut a
swath through continents.

A hundred years, she never
stopped surprising me.

Never stopped taking
me to new depths.

I was a lucky bloke...

Just to touch such
a black beauty.

Ohh.

Ow! So you see, it
means something.

Not to me. Kill her.
Why do I care?

Here's why.

If you don't admit that
there's something there,

some tiny feeling for me,

then I'll untie dru
and let her kill you instead.

Yes, please.
I like that game much more.

Just...

Give me something.

A crumb...
The barest smidgen.

Tell me maybe,
someday,

there's a chance.

Spike...

The only chance you had with
me was when I was unconscious.

Oh, wha...

What the bleeding hell
is wrong...

With you bloody women?

What the hell
does it take?

Why do you bitches
torture me?

Which question do you
want me to answer first?

No, I-I'm at the end of my
bleeding tether, you know?

I don't know why I even bother, you know.
It's your fault.

- You're the one to blame for all this, you know.
- Am I?

Bloody right you are! If you hadn't
left me for that chaos demon,

I never would've
come back here.

Never would've had this
sodding chip in my skull.

And you wouldn't be able
to touch me...

Because this...
With you... is wrong.

I know it.
I'm not a complete idiot.

You think I like
having you in here?

Destroying everything that was me until
all that's left is you in a dead shell.

You say you hate it,
but you won't leave.

You know, what I should just
do is get rid of both of you.

Burn you!
Cut you into little pieces...

So there won't be any more bints
to cock up things for spi...

Uh! Oh, great.

What about me, spike? You
forget about me again?

The actual girlfriend?

I gave you the best... Bunch
of months of my life!

- Uh!
- That's right, little girl.

- Teach our naughty boy a lesson.
- Oh, now you're all ganging up.

I thought I could
change you, spike.

I thought maybe if I gave
and I gave and gave,

maybe you'd come around.

Maybe be a little nicer.

Stop treating me
like your dog.

But now I see it's you.

You're the dog...
Who needs to be put...

Ow! You're on my hair!
Aah!

Poor spike.

So lost.
Even I can't help you now.

Oh, spikey!

And you can say
good-bye to this,

because you're not
gonna see it anymore.

Unless you run into me somewhere
and it's me walking away from you.

But even then,
I'll probably just...

You know... back away.

Yow!

Buffy! Come on, now. Stop! You
can't just walk away from this.

What part of punching you in the face did
you not understand? So we had a fight.

It's not our first, love.
It doesn't change anything.

It changes everything, spike!
I want you out!

I want you out of this town.
I want you off this planet!

You don't come near me, my
friends, or my family again, ever!

Understand?
No. It's not that easy.

We have something, Buffy. It's
not pretty, but it's real.

And there's nothing either
one of us can do about it.

Like it or not, I'm in your life.
You can't just shut me out.

Grr! Arrgh!