Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 4, Episode 18 - Where the Wild Things Are - full transcript

Previously
on Buffy the vampire slayer...

Please remove
your clothing now.

Relationship.
What kind do we have,

and what is it
progressing toward?

They don't even
know I exist, right?

I just like
having something

that's just,
you know, mine.

I am, you know.

What?

Yours.

Ahh!



Ugh!

Aaargh!

Aaargh!

Okay. You get fang.
I'll get horny.

I mean...

Aaaah!

Aaah!

Ooh.

Vampire-demon tag team.

Who says we can't
all get along?

Don't recall ever
seeing that before.

It never happens.
Vamps hate demons.

It's like stripes
and polka dots.

Major clashing.



So, uh, I guess we should
tell Giles about this.

Right.

I mean,
it's the kind of thing

he'd wanna know about.

Uh-huh.

Like, as soon as possible.

Soon as possible.

I mean it now.

First thing... In the morning...
We go tell Giles.

First thing. Good plan.

Aw, come on.
Big party at Riley's house.

It's gonna be fun.
Why don't you want to go?

You know why not. Those initiative
men make me not comfortable.

And you don't care.

They don't even know
that you're an ex-demon.

And we don't know that they'd
care even if they did know.

Which, by the way,
they're not gonna find out.

Anyways, they'll probably
be too busy flirting

with every other girl at the
party to even notice you.

So you don't think I'm desirable
enough to be flirted with?

Is that it?

I'm just not gonna
win here, am I?

You don't find me
attractive anymore.

What are you talking about?
I think you're gorgeous.

Oh, really? Well, then, why
didn't we have sex last night?

Is that what this is about?

We've gone other nights
without sex.

I know. Twice!

Can't believe
we're breaking up!

Breaking...
We're not. Are we?

Of course we are. You've
obviously grown tired of me.

I've seen it happen to thousands
of women over the centuries.

I just never thought
it would happen to me.

Anya, there's a lot more
to you and me than the sex.

Well, there should be.

A relationship is something
that you work at,

work through, together.

I don't understand.
I'm pretty. I'm young.

Why didn't you
take advantage of me?

Is something wrong
with your body?

There's nothing wrong
with my body.

W-well there must be.

I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking
about erectile dysfunction...

Whoa! Hey! Ha ha. All systems go here.
No function problem, okay?

You want sex?
Let's have sex.

Right here.
Hot, sweaty, big sex!

There's always been great
discord between them.

And yet you say that the vampire
went to the demon's aid?

The two of them
were working as a team?

Everything except
giving each other

little pats
on the behind.

Extraordinarily
odd.

As a rule,

demons... Have
no empathy

for any other species
other than their own.

In fact, most think of...

Vampires as...
Abominations,

mixing with human
blood and all.

So what brought
these two together?

Not what. Who.

Adam.

Think about it.

Who better to bring together
a bunch of demon types

than someone who's made out
of a bunch of demon types.

So he's, uh... Bridging the
gap between the races.

Huh. Like
Martin Luther King.

Um... Ahem...

I... i suggest that, uh,

over the next
several nights,

you two concentrate your
patrol in that same area.

If there's any other peculiar
pairings or groupings,

you let me know.

I'll let the squad know as well.
They're patrolling.

We'll have a reserve unit
out during the party.

Party?

Tomorrow night.
We're having a thing.

At a time like this?
Whose idea was that?

Mine. Boys are pretty ragged.
Need to let off steam.

Point taken.

You're welcome
to come.

As much as I, uh...

Long for a good
kegger,

I have other plans.
The... Espresso pump.

What are you
doing there?

I'm, uh...

It... it's a...
A meeting

of... of grown-ups.

It couldn't possibly be of
any interest to you lot.

Buffy, hey, look at the time.
Don't you have a class?

In about 20 minutes.

Yeah, but...
I have that thing...

Right. That thing...
We could squeeze in

before.

Bye!

Gotta run.

They...

They're probably
goin' to...

Yes, thank you,
Willow.

I did attend university
in the mesozoic era.

I do remember
what it's like.

Didn't we just get the furnace fixed?
It's freezing!

I'll call in the am,
get somebody to come...

Oh, you gotta be
kidding me.

When do these two
come up for air?

Slaves to the rhythm.

Room shoulda warmed up
by now.

I've been building
this thing for an hour.

It's still
an icebox in here.

Don't bother, Mason. We got
a couple of heat generators

pumping away
upstairs.

Geez!

Call a medic!

Get help!

Aah!

Oh. It's you.

Spike!
What are you doing?

You made me yell
really high!

Hey, yeah, I did.
I scared you.

Gimme money.

I'm not paying you
for scaring me.

You're not paying me.
I'm robbing you.

Well, that's just
ludicrous.

You can't hurt me, because you've
got that chip in your brain.

Also, I like my money the way it is...
When it's mine.

Oh, now, come on!

You're not even
bumpy anymore!

Oh.

I was just a minute
ago.

Hang on.
Get me mad again.

Does this really work?

Scaring people into
giving you their money?

Yeah, it works. Keeps
me in blood and beers.

Plus, you know, funny... Watching
the little humans quail.

I'm beginning to understand
why you're so friendless.

Look who's talking.

I don't see droopy boy
on your arm.

Did he have better
things to do?

You're kidding.

Mason requested
to go on patrol?

He just didn't want
the girls to see him

with his eyebrows
all burnt off.

He's lucky
that's all he lost.

You should have seen it, ri.
It was weird as hell.

Mm-hmm.

How many kids?

I don't know.
A whole herd of them.

And some parents
to boot.

It's kind of embarrassing, which,
welcome to the life with Anya.

So you don't even know
if she's coming tonight.

I'm thinking no.

She was...
Pretty upset.

Which makes me wonder.

Is it me?
Am I the crazy one?

Uh-huh.

Absolutely.

Hey, Buffy,

this might be
a good time to mention

that someone so not me spilled something
purply on your new peasant top,

which I would never
borrow without asking.

Still love me?

Uh-huh.

Huh? What about
my peasant top?

Nothing.

Xander was just
talking about Anya.

Oh, it's nothing
much.

I'm just feeling
pretty glad right now

that a certain ex-demon
doesn't have any powers.

Boy,
I miss those powers.

Yeah.

Tell me about it.

A year and a half
ago,

I could have eviscerated
him with my thoughts.

Now I can barely
hurt his feelings.

Things used to be
so much simpler.

You know...

You take the killing
for granted...

And then it's gone,
and you're like...

I wish I'd
appreciated it more.

Stopped and smelled
the corpses, you know?

Yeah. Now everything's
complicated.

It's a terrible thing,
love is.

I been there myself.

Ended badly.

Of course it did.
It always does.

Seen a thousand
relationships.

First there's
the love and sex,

then there's nothing
left but the vengeance.

That's how it works.

Hey...

You and I should
just go do the vengeance.

Both of us.

You eviscerate Xander,
and I'll stake dru.

Like a project.

I don't know.
I just can't.

But you can go do dru,
though.

Yeah. I will.

Maybe later.

You see, the thing that they're
afraid to teach us about

is the inherent
sensuality of language.

You learn French,

and they make it all
about conjugations

and fronted vowels,

but nobody ever
really talks about...

You know...

The way language
tastes... You know?

The way it feels rolling
over your tongue.

I mean... Just think about
car versus voiture.

Oh... Oh!

Wow!

A-are you all right?

Fine. I...

Oh...
Oh, my god.

Wow.

Wow.

You really like
French.

Yeah, well...

Ahh...

"Lowell house.

1962."

Yes.

Um... Just,

you know...

Impressing you with my
knowledge of local history.

Or my knowledge
of reading.

And you didn't even have
to sound anything out!

You should see me add short
columns of small numbers.

You're funny.

Thanks.

That is...

Funny "how amusing" or funny "back
away and avoid eye contact"?

Mm...

Kinda both.

Who are you here
with?

Right now, I seem to
be here with you.

Hi. Uh... Can we...

I, um... Need you to
take a look at an...

Essay for class.

That essay. Right.

Here.

I'll catch you guys in a minute.

There's an essay...
I gotta look at.

And I'm the one who got
a "d" in covert ops.

Hey, Evan, come here.
You gotta see this.

I'm gettin' a beer.

No, no, no.
First just...

Put your hand...
Right here.

Okay. Somehow this is
a trick. I know it.

Here.

Now stay.

Don't move.

Whoa!

What is that?

I kinda feel...

Oh, my god!

Oh, god!

Horses?

Like big... Tall...

Teeth-that-can-take-
your-arm-off horses?

Well, sure. I learned to
ride when I was a kid.

It's fun.

And by the way, most horses
don't like arm very much.

I had a bad birthday
party pony thing

when I was 4.

I look at horses and I
see really big ponies.

You should ride
with me sometime.

I guarantee
safety and fun.

Well... If you promise
you'll look after me.

Don't touch me!

That's dis...
Disgusting!

Tara...

Wh-what's the matter?

I don't...
I don't know.

I'm sorry.
I... i didn't mean to...

A-are you feeling okay?

I'm f-fine.

I just wanna...
Go to the bathroom.

Hey...

I know these guys
from somewhere.

Initiative soldiers.
They live here.

The experiments happen in
the lab under the house.

It's where they kept you and put
in your chip. Let's have fun!

What are you doing?
You brought me here?

Anya? What are you doing?

You brought him here?

That's what I said.

Only I hit
the here part.

Anya, this is crazy.

We had
a little fight.

That just means we have to work
our way through some stuff.

It doesn't mean that we
rebound with the evil undead.

And what have we been
doing with him anyway?

Oh... Who's the puffed up
manly man,

all splotchy
and possessive?

It's not very
convincing, is it?

Yeah. I see now what you
said about him earlier.

No follow-through.

Hey, what a surprise!
Hostile 17!

Can I get you a drink,
hostile 17?!

Xander, stop!

Tuh.

Well... May be
some fun to be had

in the lion's den after all.
You two keep scraping.

I'll find
the liquor.

Anya... What are you
doing with him?

We didn't have sex, if
that's what you mean.

That's all I do now,
not have sex.

You're overreacting.

We had a fight...

But, see, it's okay.
It's normal.

Yes. It's the normal part
of ending a relationship

right before
the vengeance begins.

Right. No. Vengeance?

Relax. I'm not
going to do it.

I'm just trying to tell you
that we have nothing in common

besides both of us
liking your penis,

and now I don't
even have that!

So I get to say when it's done...
And it's done!

Okay. You know what?

You don't deserve to be the
one to walk away from this.

I've put up with a hell
of a lot from you,

much of that
in the last minute.

And if anyone gets to be
the one to leave... it's me.

You're leaving me?

Yes, I am!

Where are you going?

To enjoy the party.

Well, then
I'm staying to...

To show you how much I'm not
bothered by you having fun!

Because I'll be having
more fun!

I'm having fun already!

Me, too!

Whoo hoo!

Whoo hoo!

Sometimes I just don't get the
sophisticated college lifestyle.

Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah!

All right!

There it goes.

Oh...

Oh... Oh!

Gee, it's a good thing mom's out.
We'd be in trouble.

Hey, buddy.

You look familiar.

Yeah. I get that
a lot.

Hey, Xander.

Julie!

Okay!

This, then,
would be the kissing.

Very smooth cheek
you have there.

Do you exfoliate?

Whoa!

Julie! What?

I'm sorry.

I didn't...

I'm sorry!

Oh... My.. God!

Hi. Um...

You okay?

Julie?

I'm bad.

I'm bad.

I'm bad. I'm bad.

I'm bad.

Tara?

It's me.

Tara?

Tara?

Aah!

Was that Willow?

I don't know.

Doesn't matter.

Whoo!
Whoo!

Hey, guys, the girl Julie,
she's freakin' out.

Uh-oh!

Is anyone friends
with Julie?

Yeah!

Xander!

Tara?

Xander!

Ghost boy.
Drowning in a tub.

I... i tried
to save him, but...

Being a ghost already, well...
I was way too late.

A ghost?

What's the deal?

Is every frat
on this campus haunted?

And if so, why do people
keep coming to these parties?

'Cause it's not the snacks.

Tara.

How are you?

I'm okay, but
I... i don't like it here.

This house.
I think we should go.

We need Buffy.

Buffy?

Buffy? Riley?

Buffy!

Buffy!

Buffy!

Do you
want to go back?

Never.

Buffy! Riley!

Buffy!

We gotta get them
outta there.

Well, this party's starting
to liven up after all.

Graham! Quit standing
around!

Help get these people
to safety!

Touch not the impure thing...
What?

Or ye shall perish.

Find salvation in the cross
of our lord and savior.

Right.

Retinal scan accepted.

Aah!

Anya, we gotta get
out of here. Come on.

Help me!

Please, god, help me!

We've got trouble
upstairs.

Now.

Some sort of disembodied
presence in the house.

We've been paging you.

Whatever this thing's outputting, it
must be scrambling all the frequencies.

Guard section 2.
Level 5 precautions.

If the cell door locking
mechanisms malfunction,

you know what to do.

Got it.

You with me?

I'm good.

Let's lock it down.

We have to go back
in there.

Why?

Because Buffy
and Riley are trapped.

So?

She's a slayer. He's
a big soldier boy.

What do they
need you for?

Anya, look around. There's
ghosts and shaking

and people are going all
Felicity with their hair.

We're fresh outta
superpeople,

and somebody's gotta go back in there.
Now, who's with me?

I am.

I know I'm not the first
choice for heroics,

and Buffy's tried to
kill me more than once.

And I don't fancy a
single one of you at all.

But...

Actually, all that
sounds pretty convincing.

I wonder if Asian house
is open?

Xander, let's get out of here.

You wanna bail? Fine. I'm
going back in there,

and I'm not coming out till
I bring my friend with me.

Or... It...

Could be watcher time.

We'll go to Giles.

No, wait.
He isn't there.

He was going
to the Espresso pump.

Right. He told us
not to come.

He needed some
grown-up time.

♪ No one knows
what it's like ♪

♪ To be the bad man ♪

♪ To be the sad man ♪

♪ Behind blue eyes ♪

♪ No one knows
what it's like ♪

♪ To be hated ♪

Wow.

♪ To be fated ♪

Could we go back
to the haunted house?

Because this is
creeping me out.

Does he do this
a lot?

Sure. Every day the earth rotates
backward and the skies turn orange.

♪ ...as empty ♪

♪ As my conscience ♪

♪ Seems to be ♪

♪ I have hours ♪

♪ Only lonely ♪

Now I remember why I used to
have such a crush on him.

Well, he is
pretty good.

♪ That's never fre-ee ♪

His voice
is pleasant.

What?

Come on. It is
kinda sexy.

I'm fighting total mental
breakdown here, wil.

No more fuel
on the fire, please.

♪ And I blame you ♪

You're... You're
too far away from me.

I'm right here.

You... Have to...

Keep touching me.

When you called to Buffy
and Riley,

they didn't cry out
or respond in any way?

No. They're probably
dead.

Unless they're too busy
doin' it to answer.

Doing what?

You know, for a god
of acoustic rock,

you're...
Kind of naive.

I didn't think
you meant...

In the midst
of all that,

do you really think
they were keeping it up?

Oh, for a different
phrasing.

You see,
that's the thing.

People all over the party
were starting to act...

Weird sexually.

In what way?

You know.

Ways.

Well, it could be
some form of, uh, succubi,

or a satyr's prank.

Could even be energy coming from
the lab beneath Lowell fraternity.

It wasn't always
a fraternity. Look.

"Between 1949 and 1960,

"the Lowell home
for children

"housed upwards

"runaways,
juvenile delinquents,

and emotionally disturbed teenagers
from the sunnydale area."

Children?

Did any of them...

Um... Die in there?

If there were deaths,
then...

Perhaps we're dealing with a
fairly standard haunting.

It doesn't say.

It's mostly about the old house
director, Genevieve Holt.

"Sunnydale children's aid...

"30 years
of community service.

Giving disadvantaged kids the
loving care they deserve."

When did she die?

She didn't.

No, no.
I don't mind at all.

I was up.

Early morning prayer,
of course.

And I like talking
about my kids.

My kids.

I suppose you were just
like a mother to them.

You did everything
for them?

Oh, yes. I fed them
and clothed them,

educated them
in the way of the lord.

I was given a medal.

Yes, wonderful.

Um, congratulations.

Um... This'll sound
a little strange,

but, uh... Did you notice
any odd disturbances

in... in the house?

I don't understand.

We-well, um... Like furniture
moving of its own accord

or objects appearing
out of nowhere,

or perhaps you saw someone
appear one moment,

and then they were gone
the next inexplicably.

Why, that sounds
like crazy talk.

Yes, it does,
doesn't it? Yes...

Um... Forgive me
for asking this,

but the children
in your care...

Were any of them
ever... Ill,

or did anything ever
happen to any of them?

Well, some had
the flu and such.

No one died,
if that's what you mean.

The engraving
on the medal

says how good I was
with the children.

Oh, yes.

I treated them as I would
my own flesh and blood...

Gave them hugs and praise
when they were good

and punished them
when they were dirty.

Well, children
will be children.

You know, they do like to
play in the, uh, the muck.

You didn't mean
muddy dirty.

My kids didn't think I knew.
But I did.

Very, uh...
Perceptive of you.

Without me, they would have
been shut out of the kingdom.

Lost to lust.

But you...
Helped them.

The girls felt the vanity
more than the boys.

I'd see them preening
like Jezebel,

doting over
their pretty hair.

So you'd
hack it off.

I'd remove the temptation
to admire themselves.

They were better
for it.

What about the bathtub?
Something happened there.

I performed baptisms
on the most unclean...

Those who were tainted with
impure thought and deed.

You held them under?

They needed to be
reborn.

You choose
to pass judgment on me?

Well, someone ought to!

You traumatized and
abused these children!

Children who have no doubt become
extremely disturbed adults!

You have ruined lives,
Mrs. Holt!

Furthermore, what you did
has now manifested itself

as a malevolent presence which
threatens still more lives.

You have a great deal
to answer for!

I refuse to listen to this
when I can smell the sin

on each and every
one of you!

Yeah?
You smell sin?

Let me tell you
something, lady.

She who smelt it
dealt it!

It's like what you
said, but faster.

So this totally adds to my old
people are crazy theorem.

I don't get it.

I mean, those kids were tortured,
but they weren't killed.

So where are those
ghosts coming from?

I don't believe there
are any ghosts.

One ran right
through me.

Not a ghost.
An apparition.

A believe we're dealing
with a kind of poltergeist,

a whole cluster
of them, in fact,

born out of intense adolescent
emotion and sexual energy.

Both of which
were totally pent-up

during Mrs. Holt's
reign of repression.

So, with Buffy and Riley
having...

You know, acts of nakedness
around the clock lately,

maybe they set
something free...

Like a big, bursting
poltergasm.

Yes. And now
the poltergeists

are drawing more and
more energy out of them,

feeding on them,
in fact.

Buffy and Riley are
powering this whole thing.

Okay. They're the battery
in the boo factory.

So what happens when
the battery's drained?

They die.

Don't stop.

Never stop
touching me.

What good are weapons against
disembodied spirits, Xander?

They have no ass
to kick.

She's right. You should
just stay outside.

We'll bind the spirits long enough
for you to get Riley and Buffy out.

How much time
you buying us?

Could be tricky. We're calling
upon the communal spirit

of a certain time
and place.

Let's go.

What do you feel?

Upset, afraid of being without
you, and a little hungry.

I meant about the house.

Oh.

Still haunted.

Give me your hands.

Form a circle.

Children of the past...

Spirits of Lowell...

Be guided by our light.

Come forth

and be known to us.

Ho-how will we know
when it works?

We'll know.

House is clean.

Let's go.

You first.

We need to work fast.

Never know how long before
the munchkins get homesick.

Or till the human
battery conks out.

Watch your fingers.

We implore you...

Be still.

Find it in your hearts

to leave our friends
passage.

Transform your pain.

Release your past...

And...

Uh... Get over it.

You okay?

Find here the Serenity
you seek, the peace you...

What's happened?

We lost them.

Xander!

Xander!

Xander!

Shut up,
repressed crybabies!

Aah!

It's okay.

Come on.
We've just gotta...

Xander!

We can make it through this.

Xander, get it off!
Anya!

Push.

Xander,
don't you knock?

I can't believe
it really happened.

I just had no idea.

It's so creepy.

He was really singing?

I'd say it was
more like crooning.

If we grow old
together,

remind me to skip
the midlife crisis.

Okay.

Come on. You have to admit,
it was kind of sexy.

Please stop saying that I'm
willing to offer cash incentives.

We're just lucky
no one got injured.

No thanks to us.

Don't be too hard
on yourself.

He's right, wil.

If Riley and I hadn't...
Gotten so wrapped up

in each other, none of
this would have happened.

True. Feel shame.

My girlfriend,

mistress of the
learning plateau.

Really, it wasn't
your fault.

You were under the influence
of powerful magics.

We were like zombies.

I had no control
over myself at all.

It must have been
horrible.

Yeah. Horrible.

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. It was bad.

Grr! Arrgh!