Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 4, Episode 17 - Superstar - full transcript

Previously on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer“:

- Get away from me.
- Wanna point that somewhere else?

You all think I'm an idiot. A short idiot.

Faith switched. I mean, she had
some device. She switched our bodies.

- Hi, baby. You miss me?
- I did, actually.

I love you.

You slept with her.

I was created to kill.

To extinguish life wherever I find it.

Tell us what to do.

Xander! Anya!



Buffy, another one!

Buffy!

- Where's the other one?
- Scampered like a bunny.

In there.

(sucking and slobbering)

I don't care if it is an orgy of death.
There's still such a thing as a napkin.

A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it.
I know I could take at least two.

Yes, and we could run for help while the
others suck your heart out through your neck.

You're right. It's too many for just us.
You know who we need?

Hi.

We have a problem.

Sounds like you could use my help.

A quick draw's about more than speed.

It's also about pointing a stake the right way.



And there can be splinter issues.

It is a true test of dexterity.

- Can you open this?
- No, I tear it and it gets all sloshy.

Thanks for doing this, Jonathan.
I wouldn't ask, but...

Hey, don't worry about it. Nest full
of vampires, you come get me. OK.

Box full of puppies?
That's more of a judgment call.

Hit me!

You got me. It was very punchy.

Watch out for southpaws, Buff.
Don't let 'em surprise you.

Can't find a reference to any rituals.
Seems more like a family meal, if you will.

And they say no one needs
to have the TV on any more.

Thanks, Rupert. It's good to know we're not
walkin' into some unholy feast or other.

(Willow) Oh, Jonathan. I'm in.

Schematics for the crypt.

Part of the original plan for
the cemetery. Sometimes there's a...

Oh, no back way in. Just the one entrance.

Well, maybe we could make it work for us.
We could stake out the entrance.

- Maybe use a decoy. Lure 'em out.
- Or I bet...

- There! I can get in that way.
- Oh, of course! Why didn't I think of that?

I'm sure you would have.

I think we have a plan.

Buffy, you go in first.
Let 'em get a look at a slayer.

Xander and...

The Nimzowitsch Defence.
Let's see if I remember.

Mm-hm. Mate in four.
You almost got me that time, Rupert.

Xander, Willow and Anya, you back up Buffy.

I'll be the surprise guest.

Everyone, let's show these fiends
that they came to the wrong town.

Arghh:

(Willow) Buffy, he's getting away!

- I should've gotten that one.
- You got two of them.

And that second one was ready for ya.

- You should feel good.
- But I let one get by.

Don't worry. You know it only
matters that you do your best.

But that's just it. I don't think it was my best.

Hey, Jonathan, over here!
A quick photo, please!

- A couple more, a couple more.
- OK, guys, that's enough.

I think we did great. We knocked 'em dead.

Which they already were.

We knocked 'em deader.

If they'd all rushed at Buffy,
they could've killed her right away.

Thanks. That won't keep me awake.

Vampires only form nests
to make hunting easier.

They're not big on the cooperation.

They mostly like to hang out
all creepy and alone in the shadows.

Don't you agree, Spike?

Well, well!

The man himself.

- What are you doing here?
- I live here.

I wasn't pining for a visit from Wonder
Jonathan and his Fluffy Battle Kittens.

Yeah? You think that one up with
all the time you're not able to bite people?

Careful. He's still pretty dangerous.

- Yeah, back off, Betty.
- It's Buffy...

...you big bleached...

...stupid guy.

Spike, you're the worst type of scum.

The second you're back
to your old tricks, well...

...let's say, before you even sniff out a victim,
you'll be pretty indistinguishable from...

Oh, what should we say?
Instant soup mix.

Next thing I know, this crazed vamp
is, like, running right at me...

...and I know that if he gets past me
there's no telling who's in danger next.

Come on, you have fun. Admit it.
Living the Scooby life.

I was goin' for a kind of
stoic bravery, but yeah.

And it was exciting, with the
ceiling coming in and everything.

Oh, that's a cute one.

- And Buffy, she was OK?
- Oh, she was great! Twang! Poof!

That was the sound:
crossbow, vampire dusting...

She was a little cranky
that she missed that one vamp.

I kind of meant personally.

That whole thing with Faith. That freaked me
out and I was just sensing it from a distance.

Oh, yeah. I know she's not over
the whole Riley-sleeping-with-Faith thing.

You know, Faith's insides and Buffy's
outsides, when her insides were out.

I hope they'll be OK.

I'm sure it'll blow over. They're probably
all with the smoochies right now.

- You must be feeling better.
- Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a lot stronger. I mean,
I'm no Jonathan, but... I'm doing OK.

Are you? I mean, you're not...?

What?

Eating the initiative's
technicolour food of strongness?

No. They swear they've stopped treating
the food, but I'm not takin' the chance.

You know, I, uh, I don't know if that means
I'll get weaker or dumber... or smarter.

They're not big with the disclosure, huh?

They still haven't released a profile on Adam.
And we're having zero luck trackin' him.

If they'd just put a little trust in me,
I know I could get the job done.

I've felt that way my entire life.

You'd think I could do that.

Guess it takes different muscles
than demon beheading.

You just need a few pointers.

Now, if slaying was a competitive sport,
I'd have a chance.

You know, we could have
figure staking and speed staking. I...

Sorry.

This just isn't my game. I gotta...

It's all Faith's fault. She's like poison.

No, worse, she's like acid
that eats through everything.

Maybe she's a bomb.

The point is, everything was going
along great with Riley, and then...

...she comes along and messes everything up.

Buffy, you know what I think?

I don't think this is about
you being angry with Faith.

I think you're angry with Riley.

- Riley?
- Could you, please?

Sure. I mean, you have this
amazing connection with him...

...and then at the one moment when it matters
the most, he looks into your eyes...

...and he doesn't even see
that it's not you looking back at him.

There's no way he could know. I mean,
you don't just look at someone and say:

"That's not your body!
Get out of that body with your hands up!"

I know you know that.
But you have to believe it.

Buffy, if there's any part of you that's
blaming Riley for what happened...

...it seems like there's a part of you
that needs to forgive him.

You're Jonathan Levinson!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! My name is Karen and I think
you're... you're wonderful! Oh, my God!

Hi, Karen. Thank you.
Oh, is that my book? Well, I could...

Yeah, please. I didn't wanna bother you.
It's Karen with a K!

Thank you! So much! Thanks!

Sure.

So what do you think, Buffy?
I mean, if I'm wrong, smack me.

Karen with a K will lend you a book,
and it's pretty heavy.

Maybe I have been blaming him.

But how do I get past it?

What if it's too late? What if after all this
he doesn't want me any more?

He does. It's not gonna be easy, Buffy,
but you guys are very special together.

That's worth a little hard work.

But... I'm not even sure if I know
how to talk to him any more.

How do I make it OK again?

If you really want it,
you can make anything happen.

For those of you who don't already know,
my name is Colonel George Haviland.

I'm commanding officer here until such time
as the facility review is completed.

This review does not mean our
primary mission is changed in any way.

Recovery of the hostile known as Adam
is our first and most important job.

To this end, I've asked our tactical
consultant here to address us today.

Mr Levinson.

- Thank you, Colonel.
- It's about time we brought out the big guns.

Men, before we can locate Adam,
we need to understand him better.

And there's somethin' that's
bothered me almost from the start.

He doesn't eat.

We've known him to kill,
but never to eat the kill.

So I pulled some of Professor Walsh's
original design schematics...

...and I found something.
His power source is not biological at all.

It's here.

The design attempts to hide it, but I believe
that there's a small reservoir of uranium 235.

Sir, how long will it last?

Essentially forever. it also means
that cutting off his head is useless.

Killing Adam means
annihilating him completely.

But first we have to find him.

Where are you, Jonathan?

Are you, like, never home?

Aargh!

- I feel terrible.
- She's ready to forget it.

- You'd better be ready too.
- I don't know, Jonathan.

I mean, I don't know if
she'll really ever forget it.

- Every time I try to touch her...
- She's scared.

- Scared of me?
- Scared of what you're thinking about.

- What do you mean?
- She knows that Faith is... experienced.

What are you saying? Experienced?

God! Does she think that...
that I'd be comparing?

She knows she's the one I... I care about.

- Have you let her know that?
- I think I...

Haven't I? She has to know.

People can't always see
what's right in front of them.

(♪ swing music)

♪ I loves the big witch doctor,
who stirred a brew for me

♪ I took sips from your sweet lips
and now I can't get free

♪ Trapped in a web of love

♪ Trapped in a web of love

- Did not.
- Last night. With me.

- You said "Jonathan".
- It was a moan!

- Fine! You moaned "Jonathan".
- Uh-uh!

It was like, "Ahh-n".

Maybe it was "Ahh-nathan".
Still not fluffin' up the old ego.

Quite the couple, aren't they?

They get into a fist fight,
I got a 50 on Anya.

I wonder if they'll make it.

(applause)

(Jonathan) OK. OK.

Good evening, everyone. I'd like to
dedicate this song to some friends of mine.

A very special couple who've been
going through a tough time.

♪ When I hear that serenade in blue

♪ I'm somewhere in another world

♪ Alone with you

♪ Sharing all the joys we used to know

♪ Many moons ago

♪ Once again your face comes back to me

♪ Just like the theme of some forgotten

♪ Melody

♪ In the album of my memory

♪ Serenade

♪ In blue

♪ It seems like only yesterday

♪ A small café, a crowded floor

♪ And as we danced the night away

♪ I hear you say forevermore

♪ And then the song became a sigh

♪ Forevermore became goodbye

♪ But you remain in my heart

♪ Tell me, darling, is there still a spark?

- Buffy, I want you to know.
- Do we have to have the talk?

No talk. More dance.

I just wanna say I'm sorry.
That it's only you that I want.

I know.

- I know all of that.
- You do?

Since when?

Since you put your arms around me.

Oh, my God! He's gonna do
something off the new album.

- Xander.
- Yeah?

Let's go and have sex now.

Yeah. OK.

Oh! What is it? Are you OK?

Karen! That's your name, isn't it?
I signed my book for you.

Tell me what hurt you, Karen. I can help.

Let's get you warmed up.

What's going on? Why are you here?

Mr Levinson, someone on your staff
reported a disturbance.

When I realised it was on your property
I thought I'd come in person.

- That's all right. I have it under control.
- Of course, sir. Glad to see you're all right.

Karen, I know you're scared...

...but I need to hear your description again.

It was ugly. Big ugly.

All bent over, sort of, with these
huge arms and, like, scabs and stuff.

That must have been
very frightening. I'm so sorry.

- Oh! Oh! I forgot. It had a mark.
- A mark?

On its forehead, like... a symbol.

Oh. This is a clue.

- Jonathan?
- I've heard of this.

It's not a demon, just a monster.
Not much more than an animal.

It sticks to the woods.
It doesn't come near populated areas.

But it did this time. it might again.
Maybe we should patrol?

- If you want me to mobilise the squad...
- I think Karen simply startled it.

Probably more afraid of you than
you were of it. I'll patrol. Don't worry.

I can handle it on my own. Now, let's
see about getting Karen a ride home.

I wish you'd get rid of that body.
The smell's makin' me hungry.

You wouldn't want it. It had a blood disease.

It didn't know it but it would've
been dead within the year.

Humans sense so little
of what they carry inside.

Oh! All right. Well, you're
the Evil Messiah Guy, so...

Oh, hey, there's something new in town.
Yeah, attacked a girl, caused a little fuss.

Oh, he was there.

- Jonathan.
- Jonathan? Tell me, who is he?

You're jokin', right?

Jonathan is Jonathan. Look!

These are lies.

None of this is real.

The world has been changed.

It's intriguing, but it's wrong.

- Feels OK to me.
- You're under his spell, just like the others.

- I seem to be the only one who's not.
- Really? And what makes you so special?

I'm aware. I know every molecule of myself
and everything around me.

No one - no human, no demon - has
ever been as awake and alive as I am.

You are all just shadows.

Oh.

So, what do you do now?

Hey, you could kill Jonathan!

Well, or... you could try.
The guy's like a dynamo of action.

I don't need to do anything.

These magics are unstable, corrosive.

They will inevitably lead to chaos.

And I am interested in chaos.

(Swedish accent)
Jonathan, aren't you coming to bed?

Ja, it's getting late.

Be right there.

I'm glad you're OK.

Everyone in the Bronze was
pretty freaked out after you left.

So, I guess you have
to go fight this thing, huh?

All the weapons are at Giles's.
It shouldn't take too long.

- No go.
- Did you just go "no go"?

Jonathan did. He said it was some brainless
beastie and that he'd take care of it.

Oh, cool.

I guess.

I don't know, he just... He seemed a little...

...scared.

Buffy, this is Jonathan.
You know he doesn't get scared.

You talked about it when you gave him
the Class Protector Award at the prom.

- You're right.
- Um...

My exit. Willow, I'll see you tomorrow?

OK.

So, saw you and Riley, with the dancing?

That was a great dance.

For the first time,
it felt like Faith wasn't there.

Like no one was there but us.

(growl)

(door slams)

(growling)

(chanting a spell)

(knock at door)

What's going on?

Oh, my God.

She's gonna be OK.

But she's terrified.

What happened? Who did this?

Someone found her in the janitor's
closet about an hour ago.

I think she was there all night.
She was all alone.

Tara...

..what did this?

Big... lumpy...

Had something on its head, like...

...like a Greek letter, only not.

This?

Was it this?

Buffy, Jonathan said we were all safe.

Jonathan said it.

- Xander's not here.
- Oh.

You're not going away.
Why aren't you going away?

Well, I was kind of hoping
to look at some of Xander's stuff.

Oh.

Sure. Come on in. Make yourself at home.

And so on.

Oh, you're still here?

That's nice.

May I ask you something?

Does it ever seem just a little strange
that Jonathan is so good at everything?

He's Jonathan.

Hey! I was just at the part
where he invents the Internet.

Anya, he fights better than I do.
And I'm the Slayer.

The Slayer!

I mean, that's supposed
to mean something, right?

Oh!

Buck up, you. You kill the best.
Go, you. Kill, kill.

Actually not needing validation
right now, but thank you.

He just seems too perfect.

- I don't know.
- So I can have my book back?

Anya, when you were a demon,
you granted wishes, right?

Vengeance wishes on ex-boyfriends.

I'd wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love
with President McKinley or something.

But someone could wish the whole world
to be different, right? That's possible?

Sure. Alternate realities.

You could have, like, a world without shrimp.

Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp.

You could even make a freaky world
where Jonathan's a mouth-breather,..

...if that's what's blowing up your skirt.
Just don't ask me to live there.

Oh.

Now, if, uh... I can just have my book back,
you'll be on your way some place else?

Here.

I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense.

He starred in The Matrix,
but he never left town.

And how did he graduate
from med school? He's only 18.

Effective time management?

I'm sorry, Buffy, but I... I just don't
understand what you're trying to say.

Yeah, and when is Jonathan
gonna get here and start the meeting?

- This is the meeting.
- This is the meeting?

Well, I was just kind of...

...wondering if maybe
anyone else thought that...

...Jonathan was kind of too perfect?

No, he's not! He's just perfect enough!

He crushed the Master,
blew up a big steak made out of Mayor...

...and coached the US women's
soccer team to World Cup victory.

- We saw him doin' those things.
- But that's just it.

I'm not entirely sure that
we can trust our memories.

- Tell them about the alternate universes.
- Oh, OK.

Say you really like shrimp a lot.
Or we could say you don't like shrimp at all.

- "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp."
- Stop, you're saying it wrong!

I think that Jonathan
may be doing something...

...so that he's manipulating the world
and we're all, like, his pawns.

Or prawns.

Stop with the shrimp.
I am trying to do something here!

Of course, but...

...I think you may be
a little out of your depth.

- I'm not.
- It sounds like nonsense.

But... I'm starting to know this girl pretty well.

And I think she sees things
that the rest of us don't.

I think, for once, we should follow her lead.

OK.

I think Jonathan might be ignoring evidence.

I think he might have let Tara get hurt.

- On purpose?
- No! No.

How did he ignore evidence?

The monster had a mark on it.
Jonathan saw it and he kind of...

- ..blinked.
- He blinked?

The man moistens his eyeballs
and we're having a meeting about it.

He knows something about the monster.
He was reacting to the mark.

Oh! Wait. I remember something.

Giles, do you have
a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?

No.

Yes.

It was a gift.

No. No.

Whoa!

No.

There.

Oh.

Yeah. Pretty darn lickable.

The other kind of "oh".
That's it. That's what Tara saw.

Why would Jonathan have
the same mark as the monster?

I don't know. But he's definitely keeping...

Is this a private conversation?
Or can Mr July sit in?

- Jonathan.
- Hi!

Buffy was just saying how you had
a monster cut up Willow's friend and...

Buffy?

No.

It's just... the mark.

You said it was safe, and... it wasn't.

I'm sorry, I just don't understand.

Then I'll explain.

Buffy is right.

No.

I do have a history with
the creature. The monster.

The problem is, every time I face it
my mind becomes sort of confused.

- There's some kind of power it possesses.
- Oh! Oh! He's like your kryptonite.

Maybe. I just know that it takes all my energy
to try and fight the confusion.

That's why I had his mark tattooed on me:
so that I wouldn't underestimate it next time.

- This does explain everything.
- I knew he wouldn't do anything on purpose.

Me too. And that whole alternate
universe thing was too freaky.

Jonathan, let's go after the monster.
Right now, you and me.

I'm sure it's left town by now.
That's been its pattern.

We can try.

Sure.

Let's do that.

- Goodbye, Jonathan!
- Goodbye.

Oh, look. Jonathan.

Taking the little sidekick
out for a walk, are we?

- Shut up, Spike.
- Ooh! Semi-harsh language from Betty.

You're feisty when the big guy's
standing beside you.

Someday...

..sweet Slayer...

...I would love to take you on.

See you face the evil alone, for once.

That's enough of the creepy small talk.
We're looking for a monster.

- Why would I know about that?
- Every demon's gunning for you...

...so I figure you're keeping good track of 'em.

Big arms, mark on its head.

- Have you seen it?
- No. But then again, I'm probably lying.

We're not getting anything outta him.

Hey, what are you doing?
You're not supposed to do that!

You're pretty much relying on
butcher's blood these days, right?

- What are you saying?
- Just that the butchers respect Jonathan.

They do him a favour and you might
find yourself getting kinda thirsty.

Look, I don't know much, OK?

Some vampires got kicked out of a cave
in the hills behind Brookside Park.

I don't know what did the kicking out,
but it was probably pretty big.

That was very good.

Very good.

These spells. These really work?

I mean, can you really
turn your enemies inside out? Or...

- ..learn to excrete gold coins?
- That one's not so much fun.

They work, Riley, but they take concentration.
Being attuned with the forces of the universe.

Right. You can't just go
"librum incendere" and expect...

Xander, don't speak Latin
in front of the books.

Hey, I found the mark.
It's part of an augmentation spell.

Jonathan did an augmentation spell.

What, uh... did he have...? You know.

Him. And how we see him.

This spell turns the sorcerer into a paragon.
The best of everything. Everyone's ideal.

But there's a drawback.

- A drawback?
- That happens a lot.

In order to balance the new force of good, the
spell must create the opposing force of evil.

- The worst of everything. A nightmare.
- He created the monster.

So we're saying he did a spell
just to make us think he was cool?

Yes.

That is so cool.

Giles, Buffy and Jonathan are going after
this nightmare thing. Are they gonna be OK?

It seems the wellbeing of this
creature is linked to Jonathan.

If it dies the spell is broken
and Jonathan reverts to...

...whatever he was before.

Jonathan isn't gonna want
Buffy to get very far.

Wow!

Fall down there and be dead for a while.

Yeah.

Don't want that to happen.

Come on. We've got a monster...

(growling)

Buffy was right.

- Buffy was right.
- It doesn't sound very likely, does it?

So, if this is the world he created,
what's the real world like?

I'm scared. Everything's gonna change.

Actually, it'll remain pretty much the same,
except Jonathan won't be Jonathan.

- Well, not our Jonathan, anyway.
- No! No! No! World without sunshine.

World without joy!

But it only changes back
if Buffy kills this thing.

I mean, if she loses, then we could
be stuck in this wrong world for ever.

Things looking up.
I mean, we're all happy here, right?

You know, if she doesn't get killed?

Giles, can Buffy do it?

I honestly don't know. She's never stood
alone against something like this before.

(growling)

- What do I do?
- You'll have to handle this one solo.

- What? But... How?
- You'll know. You used to.

And the more you hurt it
the more I'll lose my...

What? Lose your...

I remember this. Is good.

- I can't believe we believed it.
- It seemed so real.

Well, in that world, it was real.

Alternate realities are neat.

- You know what I'll always remember?
- The swimsuit calendar sticks in my mind.

Not in a good way.

I'll always remember the way
he made me feel about me.

Valued, respected. Sort of tingly.

Now I'm just...

...empty.

Poor Xander. I guess
Jonathan hurt you most of all.

Um...

Except, of course, after Tara.

Did anyone else feel way too tall?
I felt way too tall.

(Xander) I liked his clothes.
He had really cool clothes.

- I don't understand how he got the house.
- And who really did star in The Matrix?

(Riley) Wait. That wasn't real either?

Hi. I wasn't sure you'd come over.

Everyone's mostly forgetting, but...
I think some people are kinda angry.

Yeah.

Nobody's even talking to me.

And... the twins moved out.

Why did you do it, anyway?
No. I get why. How?

After the thing with the bell tower
and the gun, I went to counselling.

You know, other kids with problems,
and one of them had this spell.

He glossed right over the monster.

Well, anyway, I just...
I just wanted to apologise.

Nobody was supposed to get hurt.

Jonathan, you get why everyone is angry,
though, right? It's not just the monster.

People didn't like being the little actors
in your sock-puppet theatre.

You weren't! You weren't socks!

You were friends.

You can't keep trying to make everything
work out with some big gesture all at once.

Things are complicated.
They take time and work.

Yeah.

Right.

Hey, Buffy. You remember
I gave you some advice?

- Watch out for southpaws?
- No. About you and Riley.

I mean, things are kinda starting to blur,
but this cool thing I said...

...that I don't really remember.

I think it's right.

I think it's kind of the same thing
you just said to me.

About things taking work.

Yeah. I remember.

Good. Because it's true.

What you have is really complicated,
but it's worth it.

I think that's what I said.

I'm glad we talked this all out.

We haven't talked at all.

Oh.

Well, whatever we're doing,
we're doing it great.

Mmm...

Jonathan...

Visiontext Subtitles:
Marisa Castle de Joncaire

Urgh! Argh!

ENGLISH SDH