Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 3, Episode 12 - Helpless - full transcript

Got ya.

Right in the heart.

Satisfied?

I'm not sure
that's the word.

OK. I didn't mean
satisfied like...

No, i... i wasn't
trying to...

'cause we're not having
satisfaction in the personal sense.

Of course.

I should go. Giles is...

Is waiting for you.

I know.



Thanks. For the workout.

Um, am I going
to see you this weekend?

You, uh,
you probably have plans.

Right, birthday.

Um... Actually,
I do have a thing.

A thing? A date?

Nice attempt at casual.

Actually,
I do have a date.

Older man.

Very handsome.

He likes it when
I call him daddy.

Huh, your father.

It is your father,
right?

He's taking me
to the ice show.



Which should be big fun.

I could use a little fun.

This one?

Amethyst.

Used for?

Breath mints?

Charm bags, money spells,
and for cleansing one's aura.

OK, so how do you know
if one's aura's dirty?

Somebody come by with a finger
and write "wash me" on it?

Buffy, I'm aware
of your distaste

for studying
vibratory stones,

but since it is
part of your training,

I would appreciate
your glib-free attention.

Sorry. It's just with faith on one
of her unannounced walkabouts,

I feel like somebody
should be patrolling.

Faith is not interested
in proper training,

so I must rely on you
to keep up.

I hate being
the good one.

And as for patrolling,

well, you'll be there
soon enough.

Why so anxious?

I guess it...

I just have some
energy to burn.

Well, in due time,
but for the present,

if it's not entirely
beyond your capabilities...

Try to concentrate.

Wow, that was
really funny-looking.

Could you do it again?

I'll kill you for that.

For that? What were you
trying to kill me for before?

OK, so here's the deal...

No!

Aah.

Let me know if I'm not
doing this right.

Bit early
in the day.

Giles,
something's wrong.

Wrong?

Ah.

Perhaps you shouldn't...

Do that anymore.

On top of that,
I got a bad case

of the dizzies
last night

and almost let
a vamp stake me.

With my own stake!

I'm way off my game.

My game's
left the country.

It's in Cuernavaca.

Giles, what's
going on here?

Well, perhaps you've got
a bad flu bug or something.

No. No, not sick.
I can't get sick.

My dad's coming
to take me to the ice show.

We do it every year
for my birthday.

If I cancel, it's going
to break his heart.

Well, just take it easy
for 48 hours. You know,

forego patrolling until
you feel yourself again.

No.

No, I just need to spend
a little more time training.

I'm gone.

Thank you.

An ice show?

A show performed
on ice.

And how old
are we again?

I went to snoopy on ice
when I was little.

My dad took me backstage

and I got so scared
I threw up on Woodstock.

Look, I know you guys think
it's just a big, dumb,

girlie thing, but it's not.

I mean, a lot of those skaters
are Olympic medal winners.

And every year
my dad buys me cotton candy

and one of those souvenir programs
that has all the pictures...

And OK, it's a big, dumb,
girlie thing, but I love it.

It's not so girlie.

Ice is cool.
It's water, but it's not.

I think it's sweet you and
your dad have a tradition.

Especially now that
he's not around so much.

Ixnay on
the caramel corn, though,

if you go backstage.

We're still
talking party, right?

I mean, some of us still
love to relish celebrating

in the birth of the buff.

Oh, no, no.
I think it might be time

to put a moratorium
on parties in my honor.

They tend to go badly.

Monsters crash.
People die.

But 18 is a big one, Buffy.

I mean, you can vote now.

You can be drafted.

You can vote
not to be drafted.

I think I'll choose to celebrate
this one with quiet reflection.

Where's it written
that quiet reflection

can't be combined with
cake and funny hats?

Buffy?

Present.

Ooh, present.

Uh, they're not.
They're from your father.

His, uh...

Quarterly projections
are unraveling

and he can't afford
to take off right now.

He promises
to make it up to you.

It's all right there
in the letter.

If you want,
I could ask somebody

to cover for me
at the gallery.

I mean, if you want me
to take you.

No.

No, it's not necessary.

I was just thinking
it might be nice

to have a quiet birthday.

How much longer, Hobson?

5, maybe
6 hours, sir.

Once you finish,

you and Blair
can get some rest.

But sleep in shifts.

We're getting very close.

The slayer's preparation
is nearly complete.

You know, it's not
just cartoon characters.

They do pieces
from operas and ballets.

Brian boitano doing
Carmen is a life changer.

Oh, he doesn't
actually play Carmen,

but a lot of
sophisticated people go.

Yes, I think we should start with
the grounding crystal again.

You know,
it's usually something

that families
do together.

Now, look very carefully
for the tiny flaw at its core.

If someone were free,

they'd take
their daughters

or their student...

Or their slayer.

Hmm? Yes, but, Buffy, I think
we should concentrate now.

Now, look for the flaw
at its center.

Buffy?

Oh, sorry.
Did I zone out on you?

It's just... I'm nursing
that flu bug.

It's best
to take care of that.

Perhaps we should...

Call it a night.

Yeah,
that's a good idea.

Thanks.

Good night.

So, how's it going
with Amy the rat?

Good. She loves
her new exercise wheel.

She runs around,
her nose wiggles...

I... i meant,
how's it going

changing her back
into a human being?

Oh.

Still working on it.

But I just got her
the cutest little bell...

You don't
do that to me!

I waited for you
at the bronze all night!

And the big deal is?

You made me look like some kind
of dork in front of my posse.

First of all, posse?
Passé.

Second of all, anyone
with a teaspoon of brains

knows not to take
my flirting seriously.

Especially with my
extenuating circumstances.

What circumstances?

Rebound! Look it up.

Hey!

I'm not through here.

Oh, I beg to differ.

Unh.

What is wrong with you?

Ow.

The chick started it.

Are you OK?

OK, I just got swatted down
by some no-neck

and rescued by Cordelia.

What the hell
is happening?

I'm sure
it'll sort itself out.

You're not getting
the big picture here.

I have no strength.

I have no coordination.

I throw knives like...

A girl?

Like I'm not the slayer.

Look, Buffy,
I assure you...

Given time...

We'll get
to the bottom

of whatever's
causing this...

Anomaly.

Promise me.

Yes. I give you my word.

You're having doubts.

Cruciamentum is not easy

for slayer or watcher.

But it's been done this way
for a dozen centuries

whenever a slayer turns 18.

It's a time-honored
rite of passage.

It's an archaic exercise
in cruelty.

To lock her
in this tomb...

Weakened, defenseless.

And to unleash
that on her.

If any one
of the council

still had actual contact with
a slayer, they would see,

but I'm the one
in the thick of it.

Which is why you're not qualified
to make this decision.

You're too close.

That's not true.

A slayer's not just
physical prowess.

She must have cunning,
imagination,

a confidence derived
from self-reliance.

And believe me,
once this is all over,

your Buffy will be
stronger for it.

Or she'll be
dead for it.

Rupert.

If this girl is
everything you say,

then you've nothing
to worry about.

Uh, sir, if you can
spare me for a short spell,

I'll need to make a run
to the hardware store.

I just need some...

Take care of it.

Come on. Come on.

Kralik. Your pills.

Open your mouth.

That's enough.

Close it up.

Aha! A curse on slayers.

Oh, no. Wait. It's lawyers.

You know, maybe
we're on the wrong track

with the whole spell,
curse, and whammy thing.

Maybe what we should be
looking for is something like,

um... Slayer kryptonite.

Faulty metaphor.
Kryptonite kills.

You're assuming I meant
the green kryptonite.

I was referring, of course,
to the red kryptonite,

which drains superman
of his powers.

Wrong.

The gold kryptonite's
the power-sucker.

The red kryptonite
mutates superman

into some sort
of weird...

Guys.

Reality.

Buffy.

I know you are definitely,
without a doubt,

going to get
your powers back.

Thanks, wil.

But what if you don't?

OK, uh,

if I don't get my powers
back, then I don't.

I'll deal.

And there's a whole lot
of good sides to it.

Actually, this could
open up so many...

Did you find anything?

Uh, no. Not yet.

It's your shift.

Pills.

Yes.

Aah!

It's coming!

Pills!

Take them.

Pills!

They're right
in front of you.

Where?

Here.

I can't see...
Can't... Reach it.

Open your eyes.

Uhh!

Shh.

Everything's OK now.

Thank you.

That's beautiful.

You really like it?

Of course I do.

It's sweet
and thoughtful and...

Full of neat words
to learn and say

like "wilt" and "henceforth."

Then why did you seem
more excited last year

when you got
a severed arm in a box?

I'm sorry.

Uh, it's just suddenly
there's this chance

that my calling's
a wrong number,

and it's just
freaking me out a little.

That's understandable.

Angel, what if
I have lost my power?

You lived a long time
without it.

You can do it again.

I guess.

But what if I can't?

I've seen too much.

I know what goes bump
in the night.

Not being able
to fight it...

What if I just
hide under my bed,

all scared
and helpless?

Or what if
I just become pathetic?

Hanging out at
the old slayer's home,

talking people's ears off
about my glory days,

showing them Mr. pointy,
the stake I had bronzed.

Buffy.

You could never be
helpless or boring,

not even
if you tried.

Don't be so sure.

Before I was
the slayer, I was...

Well, I... Don't want
to say shallow, but...

Let's say a certain person,
who will remain nameless,

we'll just
call her spordelia,

looked like a classical
philosopher next to me.

Angel, if I'm
not the slayer...

What do I do?

What do I have to offer?

Why would you like me?

I saw you before
you became the slayer.

What?

I watched you,
and I saw you called.

It was
a bright afternoon

out in front
of your school.

You walked down
the steps...

And...

And I loved you.

Why?

'Cause I could
see your heart.

You held it before you
for everyone to see.

And I worried that it
would be bruised or torn.

And more than
anything in my life

I wanted
to keep it safe,

to warm it with my own.

That's beautiful.

Or taken literally,
incredibly gross.

I was just
thinking that, too.

Oh, you're up.

I was afraid
I drained you too much.

I do that sometimes.

Ever have a tune you can't
get out of your head?

It keeps playing over
and over and over?

Drives me nuts.

Ahh.

Thank you.

Uhh. Ohh.

That... Is much better.

Mmm.

It's a game, you know.

We're not going to play
by their rules, but...

That doesn't mean
we're not going to play.

Mmm.

Why don't you call
your friend in?

We'll...
Discuss it over dinner.

Quentin?

Hello?

Quentin?

Hob...

Oh!

Let's find out.

Hey, sweet girl.

How much for a lap dance
for me and my buddy?

Yeah.

Walk me home, angel?
No, I'm fine.

I can take care
of myself.

Hummers. Big turnoff.

I like guys that can
remember the lyrics.

Aah.

You know, I wish I could,

but my mind just isn't
what it used to be.

Let me go.

You didn't say please.

Get... Off me!

Somebody, please!

Aah! Help me, please!

Somebody!

Somebody, please help me!

Stop!

Please, I need help!

Please, stop!

Hurry!

When I hit him, it felt
like my arm was broken,

it hurt so much.

I can't be just a person.

I can't be
helpless like that.

Giles, please, we have to figure
out what's happening to me.

It's an organic compound

of muscle relaxants
and adrenal suppressors.

The effect is temporary.

You'll be yourself again
in a few days.

You...

It's a test, Buffy.

It's given to
the slayer once she...

Uh, if she reaches
her 18th birthday.

The slayer is disabled

and then entrapped with a vampire
foe whom she must defeat

in order
to pass the test.

The vampire you were to face...
Has escaped.

His name
is Zackary kralik.

As a mortal, he murdered and
tortured more than a dozen women

before he was committed to an
asylum for the criminally insane.

When a...

You bastard.

All this time, you saw
what it was doing to me.

All this time, and
you didn't say a word.

I wanted to.

Liar.

In matters of
tradition and protocol,

I must answer
to the council.

My role in this...
Was very specific.

I was to administer
the injections

and to direct you...

To the old boardinghouse
on Prescott Lane.

I can't.
I can't hear this.

Buffy, please.

Who are you?

How could you
do this to me?

I am deeply sorry,
Buffy,

and you
have to understand...

If you touch me,
I'll kill you.

You have to listen
to me.

Because I've
told you this,

the test
is invalidated.

You will be safe
now. I promise you.

Whatever I have to do
to deal with kralik

and to win back
your trust...

You stuck a needle
in me.

You poisoned me.

What's going on?

Oh, god.
Is the world ending?

I have to research a paper
on Bosnia for tomorrow,

but if the world's
ending,

I'm not
going to bother.

You can't walk home
alone, Buffy.

It isn't safe.

I don't know you.

Did something
take her memory?

He's Giles.

Giles.

He hangs out here a lot.

Cordelia, could you
please drive me home?

Of course.

But if the world
doesn't end,

I'm going to need
a note.

Buffy?

Mother.

Kralik: Mother.

May I call you mother?

My own mother

was a person with no
self-respect of her own,

so she tried
to take mine.

10 years old,
she had the scissors.

You wouldn't believe
what she took with those.

But she's dead
to me now.

Mostly because I
killed and ate her,

but also because I know

I won't be alone
much longer.

I'll have
your daughter.

I won't kill her, I'll
just make her like me.

Different.

She'll go to sleep,

and when
she wakes up,

your face will be the
first thing she eats.

I have a problem
with mothers.

I'm aware of that.

I was just trying
to reach you.

I was on watch over by
the boardinghouse.

Then you know
what's happened.

Yes.

He's killed Hobson and
made Blair one of his own.

Your perfectly
controlled test

seems to have spun rather
impressively out of control,

don't you think?

It changes nothing.

Well, then,
allow me.

I've told Buffy
everything.

That is
in direct opposition

to the council's
orders.

Yes. Interestingly, I
don't give a rat's ass

about the council's
orders.

There will be
no test.

The test
has already begun.

Your slayer entered the field
of play about 10 minutes ago.

Why?

I don't know.

I returned there
just as she entered.

Giles, we have
no business...

This is not
business.

Kralik:
Hide-and-seek.

Hide-and-seek.

Why did you come
to the dark of the woods?

To bring all these sweets
to grandmother's house.

Oh... oh, no, no.

Just a little lower.
Right...

Oh, yes. Yes.

Oh.

Ohh.

Thank you very much.

Ahh.

Oh. Oh. No.

Aah!

If you stray
from the path,

you will lose your way.

I won't take it all.

I won't take it all.

Aah. Aah. Aah.

Aah.

No! No! No!

Buffy?

Buffy, we have to...

Where are they?
Where are they?!

Ahh. Ahh.

Ahh. Ahh.

You don't seem to

understand your place
in all of this.

Do you have any idea...

Oh, my.

What have you...

My pills.

No. No!

If I was at full
slayer power,

I'd be punning
right about now.

No! Aah!

Aah!

Buffy, thank god
you're OK.

Oh, that man...

I can't get these.
They're too tight.

Can't you just...

Not right now.

Maybe there's some
clippers around.

Oh, Buffy!

Aah.

Travers: Congratulations,
you passed.

You exhibited
extraordinary courage

and clearheadedness
in battle.

The council
is very pleased.

Do I get
a gold star?

I understand
that you're upset...

You understand
nothing.

You set
that monster loose,

and he came after
my mother.

You think the test
was unfair?

I think you better
leave town

before I get
my strength back.

We're not in
the business of fair,

miss summers, we're
fighting a war.

You're waging a war.
She's fighting it.

There is a difference.

Mr. Giles,
if you don't mind...

The test is done.
We're finished.

Not quite.
She passed.

You didn't.

The slayer is not
the only one

who must perform
in this situation.

I've recommended to the council,
and they've agreed

that you be relieved of your
duties as watcher immediately.

You're fired.

On what grounds?

Your affection
for your charge

has rendered
you incapable

of clear and
impartial judgment.

You have a father's
love for the child,

and that is useless
to the cause.

It would be best

if you had no further
contact with the slayer.

I'm not going anywhere.

I didn't expect
you would adhere to that.

However, if you interfere
with the new watcher

or countermand
his authority in any way,

you will be
dealt with.

Are we clear?

We're very clear.

Congratulations
again.

Bite me.

Yes,

well,

colorful girl.

I can't believe
Giles was fired.

How could Giles
get fired?

So, how did you manage
to kill kralik?

Oh, she
was very clever.

You go ahead
and tell it, dear.

You tell it better.

Now... now
when you say fired,

do you mean fired?

You're not cruising
past that concept

any time soon,
are you?

Well, it's just...
I mean, he's been fired.

He's... he's unemployed.

He's between jobs.

Giles isn't going
anywhere, wil.

He's still librarian.

OK, but I'm writing
an angry letter.

You know, nothing's
really going to change.

The important thing
is that I kept up

my special birthday
tradition

of gut-wrenching misery
and horror.

Bright side
to everything.

Just feel better when
I get my strength back.

Give you a hand
with that, little lady?

You're loving this
far too much.

Admit it. Sometimes you
just need a big strong man.

Xander: Uh, wil,
give me a hand with that?

Grr! Argh!