Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Puppet Show - full transcript

In every generation there is a Chosen One.

She alone will stand against the vampires,
the demons and the forces of darkness.

She is the Slayer.

I will be whole.

I will be new.

# Learning to love yourself

# is the greatest love of all.

# I decided long ago
never to walk in anyone's shadows

# If I fail
if I succeed...

Thank you, Cordelia.
Tha-that's going to be lovely.

But I didn't do
the part with the sparklers.



We'll, um, save that
for the dress rehearsal. Lisa?

Please!

- If it isn't the great producer.
- Had to see this to believe it.

- Oh, you three.
- The school talent show.

How ever did you finagle
such a primo assignment?

Our new F?hrer, Mr. Snyder.

I think they call them principals now.

He thought it would behove me
to have more contact with the students.

I did try to explain that
my vocational choice of librarian

was a deliberate attempt to...
minimise that contact,

but... he would have none of it.

Giles, into every generation is born one
who must run the annual talentless show.

You cannot escape your destiny.

If you had any... shred of decency,
you would have...



participated. Or at least... um, helped.

Nah. I think I'll take on
your traditional role, and watch.

- And mock.
- And laugh.

OK. I think maybe we better

leave our Mr. Giles
to this business he calls show.

Principal Snyder.

So, we think school events are stupid

and we think authority figures
are to be made fun of?

No, no, we don't. Unless you do.

And we think
our afternoon classes are optional?

- All three of you left campus yesterday.
- Yeah, but we were fighting a demon...

- Fighting?
- Not fighting.

No, we left to avoid fighting.

Real antisocial types.

You need to integrate
into this school, people.

I think I just found three eager
new participants for the talent show.

- What?
- No.

Please?

I've been watching you three.
Always getting into one scrape.

Well, we're really, really sorry,

but about the talent show,
please, you can't make us!

My predecessor, Mr. Flutie,
may have gone in for all that

touchy-feely relating nonsense.
But he was eaten.

You're in my world now.

And Sunnydale has touched and felt
for the last time.

Can I just mention that detention
is a time-honored form of punishment?

I know the three of you will come up with
a wonderful act for the school to watch

and mock,

and laugh...

at.

No! No.

Thank you.

Ew! Dummy!

Yeow! Mime?!

I think dummies are cute. You don't?

They give me the wig.
Ever since I was little.

What happened?

I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig.
There really wasn't a story there.

Hi, I'm Morgan.

And I'm Sid.

Hey, Morgan,
would you like to tell some jokes?

Would I?

As a matter of fact, it is!

It's also a wood nose
and a wood mouth.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

All right, time out.

Let's stop this before someone gets hurt.

Kid, you are the worst.
Even I can see your lips move.

Come on, Sid, you're spoiling my act.

I worked on these jokes for weeks.

You call those jokes? My jockey shorts
are made out of better material.

And they're edible!

You see? I'm sure
you three can come up

with something... equally exciting.

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Hello?

I will be flesh!

"The Puppet Show"

I reach into the hat and out comes...

Uh, has anybody seen a rabbit?

- I can't do this.
- Xander, come on.

I-I can't! I have my pride.

OK, I don't have a lot of my pride,
but I have enough so that I can't do this.

A dramatic scene is the easiest way
to get through the talent show

because it doesn't require
an actual talent.

But we have talent. We can do stuff.

- Buffy, uh...
- What am I gonna do?

- Slay vampires on stage?
- Maybe in a funny way.

Willow, you can do stuff...
Uh, the piano.

- You play?
- A little.

That's cool. You can accompany us
and we can attempt to sing.

Oh, in front of other people?

Then, no, I don't play.

Whatever happened to
corporal punishment?

Mm-mm-mm. Look at the goodies.

Morgan, you're really getting good.

Where did you come up with that voice?

It's... kind of an imitation of my dad.

- Sounds real.
- It is real.

I'm the one with the talent here.
The kid's dead weight.

How about you and I do a little
rehearsing on our own, honey?

Hey!

You know what they say:
once you go wood, nothing's as good.

OK, Morgan, we get the joke.
Horny dummy, ha-ha, it's very funny,

but... you might wanna consider
getting some new shtick,

unless you want your prop
ending up as a Duraflame log!

Kids today need discipline.

It's an unpopular word
these days: discipline.

I know Principal Flutie would have said:
"Kids need understanding,"

"kids are human beings."

That's the kind of woolly-headed,
liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.

I-I think, perhaps, it was
a little more complex than that.

This place has quite a reputation.

Suicide, missing persons,

spontaneous cheerleader combustion.

You can't put up with that.

You gotta keep an eye on the bad element.

Like those three.

Kids!

I don't like them.

From now on you're going to see
a very different Sunnydale High.

A tight ship. Clean, orderly, and quiet.

- It was Emily.
- Emily? Dancer Emily?

Oh, man. I hate this school.

It must've happened just after...
dress rehearsals.

There was a cross-country meet at Melville.
Sh-sh-she never showed up for it.

- Vampire?
- I think not.

Giles, share. What happened?

- Her heart was removed.
- Yikes.

Does that mean anything to you?
Besides "oooh!"

There are various demons
which feed off human hearts, but...

But demons have claws and teeth.

They got no use for a big old knife.

Which more than likely
makes our murderer...

- Human.
- Did I mention that I hate this school?

So Emily was killed
by a regular human person?

The evidence certainly points that way.

No, wait. I'm not buying, you guys.

Remember the Hellmouth?
Mystical activity is totally rife here.

- This, to me, says demon.
- I'd like to think you're right.

A demon is a creature of... evil -
pure and very simple.

A person driven to kill is-is, um...
It's more complex.

And the creep factor is also heightened.

It could be anyone. It could be me.

It's not, though.

Demon or no, we have investigating to do.

I suggest we start with your...
talent show compatriots.

One of them may've been
the last to see her alive.

I didn't know her too well. There's
a whole dancer-band rivalry, you know?

Heard about that.

But I did speak to her
a little the day that...

- Yesterday.
- How did she seem?

She was happy, I guess.
She was psyched to be in the show.

She was a really good dancer.
Here, pick a card.

No, wait, wait, wait!
Not that one. Pick this one.

D'you remember
the last time you saw her?

- She was talking to someone.
- Who?

That smart guy, the one with the dummy?
What's his name?

- Morgan?
- Yeah, that's it.

- He was acting kinda strange.
- Strange, how?

It's just such a tragedy for me.

- Emma was like my best friend.
- Emily.

Well, Morgan's just strange. He's always
rubbing his head a lot and moaning.

- Especially the other day.
- He seemed kinda paranoid,

looking around at everyone.

And I think I saw him arguing...
with his dummy.

All I can think is...
it could have been me!

We can dream.

Right now, you and me
gotta be on the lookout.

Figure out who's gonna be next.

How are we supposed to...

Hi.

Hello.

I was just working on throwing my voice.

Uh, Morgan, did you notice anything weird
going on around here yesterday?

Weird? What do you mean?

With Emily.

Did she... say anything to you?
Was she arguing with anyone?

No. She was dancing.

- Sid and I were talking.
- Talking?

Rehearsing.

So you didn't notice anything weird at...

Morgan, are you OK?

Look, sweetheart, he answered
your question. Now leave him alone.

OK, Morgan.
How about talking to me yourself now?

He's said all he's gonna say.

It's OK, Sid. We're done.

I'm sorry. Look,
I didn't mean to make you mad.

No, I'm...

It's him!

He's...

We have to go.

Cute couple.

OK, next time we split up,
someone else is on Cordy detail.

Five more minutes with her and
we would've had another organ donor.

I think I had a bit more luck.

Everyone I talked to seemed to
point their fingers at the same person.

- Morgan?
- Morgan.

- We have a winner.
- I fear I was led to the same conclusion.

Well, what do we do? We don't slay him,
right? We wanna bring him to justice.

We could set up a complex sting operation
where we get him to confess.

- I should wear a wire!
- Whoa, hey, you guys.

All we know is that
Morgan is a Grade A large weirdo.

That doesn't lead directly to murderer.

- The guy talks to his puppet.
- And for his puppet.

Yeah, but what about
the whole "it's a demon" theory?

I'm looking into that, but...
my investigation is somewhat...

hampered by life in the theatre.

Uh, priority check, Giles?

Talent show. Murder.

Yeah, we can't do the talent show.
It's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it.

Principal Snyder is
watching us all very closely.

If he chooses, he can make
all our lives extremely difficult.

A slayer cannot afford that.
We will find this murderer, but...

in the meantime...
the show must go on.

- This is so unfair.
- Buffy, you watch Morgan.

Check his locker,
see if there's anything there.

- Like a heart?
- Or something.

- All right.
- I'll pull up his locker number.

Can I still wear a wire?

OK. Two to the left,

three to the right.

- Principal Snyder!
- What are you doing?

- Uh, looking for something.
- School hours are over.

You, therefore, should be gone.

And I'm going any minute now.

There are things I will not tolerate.

Students loitering on campus after school,

horrible murders
with hearts being removed.

And also smoking.

Well, I don't do any of those things.
Not ever.

There's something going on with you.

I'll figure it out sooner or later.

Do you need something here?

Oh, yeah. Right.

Um, a friend wanted me
to get something out of his case.

He must have taken it
and forgotten to tell me.

Get along home now. It's late.

No, I can't do it!

It's the only way.

- I don't want...
- She's the one!

- But...
- You saw what she did. How strong she is.

- I know, but...
- She's the last.

Just this one more and I'll be free.

- I won't.
- I will!

Hi, hon. How's it, uh,
going with the talent show?

It'll be over soon.

It can't be that bad. l, for one,
am looking forward to seeing your act.

Seeing?
In the sense of actually attending?

- Of course!
- Uh-uh, no, Mom. Y-y...

You can't. I mean, if I know
you're out there watching,

- I'll freeze up. Stage fright.
- But I wanna support what you're doing.

Look, Mom, if you really love me
and wanna show your support,

you'll stay away.
Far away!

Honey, is there...
Is there something bothering you?

I mean, besides your fabulous debut.

Nothing.

There's just a lot going on right now.

Well, get some sleep.

- You'll feel better in the morning.
- Good plan.

Honey, what is it?

In the bed, in the covers,
there's something!

Where?

There's something there.

Well, there's nothing there now.
Are you sure you didn't have a nightmare?

No, there's some... There is...

Yeah.

You're probably right.
I'm sorry I got you up.

Don't worry about it.
I was dreaming about bills.

Sweetheart, you shouldn't go to sleep
with the window open.

I didn't.

And my lovely... assistant...
steps into... the box.

And... Behold!

You were supposed to leave.

I don't understand why I ha...

Why I have to follow Brett
and his stupid band?

Because we have to clear their equipment
before the finale. I've told you!

But the mood. It'll be all wrong.

My song is about dignity
and human feelings

and personal hygiene or something.

Anyway it's sappy, and
no one is gonna be feeling sappy

after all that rock'n'roll.

- What?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, your hair...

There's something wrong with my hair?

Oh, my God.

Xander was right.
It worked like a charm.

Hello.

You look a bit worse for, uh...

What exactly are you the worse for?

- Where's Morgan?
- I've, I-I... haven't seen him.

- Did he do something to you?
- No, it was his...

Sid, the dummy.

OK, everyone look at me
like I'm in a bunny suit,

'cause that's how stupid I feel
saying this...

I think Sid was in my room last night.

With Morgan?

No. He was alone... and alive.

- Did you see him?
- I saw something.

I-it ran across my floor, under my bed
and then it attacked me.

Attacked you? How?
- It was like it pounced on my face.

- Like a cat?
- Yeah, exactly!

But when I turned the lights on
it was already gone.

- I think it went out my window.
- Like a cat?

Yeah. No! It was Sid, the dummy.

Or possibly the nightmare of somebody
who had... dummies on her mind.

You did say they creep you out.

Excuse me, can I have
a little support here, please?

I'm not just some crazy person.
I'm the Slayer.

The Dummy Slayer?

There's nothing funny about that.

Well, on the side of the
"Morgan's just crazy" theory, there is...

Well, Morgan.

I'd like to see Morgan
without his better half for a few minutes.

Bet he could tell me something.

Oh, if it's any consolation,
I may have found a possible demon culprit.

There's this reference in here
to a brotherhood of seven demons

who take the form of the unhumans.

Every seven years these demons
need human organs, a brain and a heart,

to maintain their humanity.

Otherwise they-they revert back
to their original form

which is... uh, slightly less appealing.

So... Morgan could still be the guy,

only Demon Morgan,
instead of Crazy Morgan.

Except that these demons
are-are-are

preternaturally strong,
and-and Morgan is-is...

Well, he seems to be
getting weaker every day.

It was as a result of this that
President Monroe put forth the eponymous -

meaning "named after oneself" -
Monroe Doctrine,

which, in one sense, established
the US as a local peacekeeper...

Looks like someone digs you.
That's adorable.

You and the dummy
could tour in the freak show.

OK, who can tell me
how Spain responded to this policy?

Morgan?

Morgan?

What?

Morgan has other things on his mind.

- Give me your puppet.
- I'll put him away.

You'll get it back after school.

OK, then, in the first part
of the 19th century...

I'm still watching you.

Morgan, that is enough!

- Mrs. Jackson?
- Morgan.

- You said you'd give me...
- Oh, of course.

You know, I wanted to ask you.
Is everything OK?

- At home? Here at school?
- Yeah, it's great.

I feel like you've become...
a little detached.

You're one of the brightest kids
I've seen in a long time,

but... lately it seems
like you're not all there.

Try not to let other things
get in the way.

OK! Can I get Sid now?

Sure.

- It's gone.
- Gone?

What do you mean gone?

- Where could he have gone?
- I put it right here.

He knew to wait for me.
He knew I'd be back.

- What do you mean "he"?
- What did you do with him?

Where is he?

Where did you get that?

Oh, I... took that out of
Mrs. Jackson's cupboard. I...

thought, you said you wanted to
be able to speak to Morgan alone.

And, uh, well, Morgan's alone...

and, uh... Sid's with me.

Hi, Buffy. Hi, Willow. Would you
like to hear some off-color jokes?

I really don't think
you should be doing that.

What? Come on!
I'm not real.

Xander, quit it!

He's not real.

I think our demonstration
proves that Sid is wood.

Now, why don't you go find Morgan
and prove he is... whatever he is?

I imagine he's looking for his puppet.

I'll go find Morgan.

You watch the dummy.

Bye-bye now.
I'm completely inanimate.

Redrum! Redrum!

- What do we do with him?
- Hey! I'll keep him company.

Willow, we have some hunting
of our own to do.

Once again I'm banished to
the demon section of the card catalogue.

You concentrate on reanimation theory.
I'll peck about in organ harvesting.

- Unless, of course, you'd prefer...
- That's OK. You can have the organs.

So I guess it's just you and me, huh?

That looks more comfortable.

Morgan?!

Morgan?

Principal Snyder.

- Looking for something?
- Have you seen Morgan Shay?

You know, with everything
that's been going on recently,

I'm not sure how safe it is...

for a girl like yourself to be here...

Alone.

Well, I was just leaving.

And I know how to take care of myself.

All right, then.

Look what I found in the section of
"Toys and Magic".

"On rare occasions inanimate objects
of human quality,

such as dolls and mannequins, already
mystically possessed of consciousness,

have acted upon their desire
to become human by harvesting organs."

- Emily's heart.
- Morgan's dummy.

- What is it?
- He's gone! Sid's gone!

What? Oh!

Morgan?

Morgan.

The demon's got himself a brain.

Who's ever out there,
I'm gonna hurt you! Badly!

If you'll just give me a minute.

You win.

Now you can take your heart and your brain
and move on.

I'm sure they would have made
great trophies for your case.

- That would have been justice.
- Yeah, except for one thing.

You lost and now you'll never be human.

Yeah, well, neither will you.

- What?
- What?

This is what I do. I hunt demons.

Yeah. You wouldn't know it to look at me.

Let's just say there was me, there was
a really mean demon, there was a curse,

and the next thing I know
I'm not me any more.

I'm sitting on some guy's knee
with his hand up my shirt.

And ever since then
you've been a living dummy?

The kid here was right.
I should have picked you to team up with.

- But I didn't because...
- Because you thought I was the demon.

Who can blame me for thinking?
Look at you.

You're strong, athletic,

limber,

nubile...

I'm back. In any case, now that
this demon's got the heart and brain,

he gets to keep the human form
he's in for another seven years.

I must say, it's a welcome change to have
someone else explain all these things.

There were seven of these guys.
I've killed six.

If I can get the last one,
the curse will be lifted and I'll be free.

I'm sure it's someone
in that stupid talent show.

Yeah, but now that demon has
what he wants, he'll be moving on.

So once we know
who's missing from the show...

We'll know who our demon is!

- The show!
- What?

It's going to start!
I'm supposed to be there!

OK, um, start pulling
everyone's addresses in the talent show.

I-if they're not there, maybe
we can catch them at home.

And you, get 'em all on stage.
Form the power circle.

Then we can see who's a no-show.

- Um, the what?
- The power circle.

You get everyone together,
you get 'em, you know, revved up.

Right.

How'd he ever get that gig?

15 minutes to curtain, everyone.

15 minutes.

I... I can't go out there.

All those people staring at me and
judging me like I'm some kind of...

Buffy!
What if I mess up?

Cordelia, there's an adage
that if you're feeling nervous

then, uh, you should imagine the entire
audience wearing their underwear.

Ew! Even Mrs. Franklin?

- Oh.
- Perhaps not.

All right, we'll assemble on the stage
in five minutes for the... uh, power thing.

So what's your deal, kid?

- I don't figure you for a demon hunter.
- I'm a vampire slayer.

You? You're the Slayer?

Damn.

I knew a slayer in the thirties.

Korean chick. Very hot.

We're talking muscle tone.
Man, we had some times.

Hey, that was pre-dummy, all right?

I was a guy.

So, you kill the demon...

- And the curse is lifted, right?
- That's the drill.

You don't actually
turn into a prince, do you?

- I mean, your body...
- Is dust and bones.

- When I say free...
- You mean dead.

Don't get sniffly on me, sis.

I've lived a lot longer
than most demon hunters.

Or slayers, for that matter.

Of course, if you want
to snuggle up and comfort me...

So that horny-dummy thing
really isn't an act, is it?

- Nope.
- Yuck.

- Is everybody here?
- I think so.

OK, here's our line-up.

Quickly, everyone.

Um, power circle.

Well, that's that, then.
Everybody, uh, get ready.

That's it?

All right.

Hold on.

- No one's missing.
- So the demon isn't in the show?

It seems not. Tell the others.
It's nearly curtain.

I must get the show running.

- Right.
- Right.

Sid?

Sid?

I'm never gonna stop washing my hands.

So the dummy tells us
that he's a demon hunter

and we're like "Fine, la-la-la-la".

He takes off and now there's a brain.

Does anybody else feel like
they've been Keyser Soze'd?

Sid's on the level, I'm sure of that.

But why would the demon've
rejected the brain?

I-I mean, I thought Morgan was
the smartest kid in school.

He was. Look at his grades. All A's.

He was even taking college classes.

- Wait a second.
- What?

- All these sick days.
- He was out for, like, half the year.

Check the school nurse's file.

Look at this. "In case of emergency,
contact Dr Dale Leggett,

California Institute of Neurosurgery,
Cancer Ward."

- Brain cancer?
- That's why he had all the headaches.

This means that whatever's out there
still needs a healthy, intelligent brain.

In other words, I'm safe.

And it's gonna be looking for
the smartest person around.

What?

Yes, if you, you calibrated the units
of weight, then you could calculate the,

uh, specific maximum velocity
achieved before the point of impact.

Gee, Mr. Giles! You're really smart.
Could you do me a favor?

What could a demon possibly want from me?

What's the square root of 841?

29. Oh, yeah.

Don't worry, Willow. As long as you're
with us there's absolutely no way

that demon is gonna get what he wants.

- Oh, my.
- Pretty cool, huh?

Are you sure there's no one else
who could help you out?

- My assistant got sick.
- You won't have to say anything.

- I'll show you. Lie down.
- How exactly does it work?

A good magician never tells his secrets.

Come on. We haven't got much time.

This is ridiculous. We can't just sit here
and wait for him to come to us.

We have to figure out
who we're dealing with.

- I still vote dummy.
- No!

OK, so we ruled out
all the people in the talent show.

That's because they were all there,
but that's before we found the brain.

Right. So it probably is one of them.

And Giles doesn't know it.
He's with them all right now!

Ugh, Giles can handle himself.
I mean, he is really...

smart.

Giles!

- Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
- No!

No, this way your scalp gets sliced off

and your brains just...
come pouring out.

- What exactly is the trick?
- Trick?

Mark?

Ma-Mark?

- Where are the keys?
- Mark's got it.

Willow!

Hurry!

How do you lock this thing?

What's happening?

I found you!

Let go!

I must say, all of you,

your t-timing is impeccable.

And now for the big finish.

What are you doing?

It's not enough.

He'll come back.

You have to get the heart,
then all of this will be over.

- Let me.
- I got it.

Thanks.

It's over.

I don't get it.

What is it? Avant-garde?

O ruler of my country, Oedipus,
you see our company around the altar,

- and l, the priest of Zeus.
- Ha-ha.

They prophesied that
I should kill my father,

but he is dead
and hidden deep in the soil.

But surely I must fear my mother's bed.

Oh, Oedipus, Oedipus, unhappy Oedipus.

That is all I can call you
and all that I ever shall call you.

Darkness! And horror of darkness.

Unfolding, restless, visitant,
sped by an ill wind in haste.

Madness and... madness
a-a-and... stabbing pain and

and... um, oh...

Oh...

Memory of, uh... ill deeds I have done.

Subtitles by Visiontext
Additions & timing by UAR

...